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Many parents wouldn’t dare admit if they had a favorite child. It could cause all sorts of unnecessary family drama. But one woman has thrown caution to the wind and told the world that she likes one of her daughters more than the other.
The mother says she’s at her wits end after her youngest daughter started becoming “woke” and argumentative. The teenager is apparently driving her mom up the wall with her activism and “self-righteous policing.” The woman has now turned to the internet to ask how she can get along better with her child, and stop playing favorites.
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There’s an expectation that parents love each of their children equally
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But one mom is struggling to even like her youngest daughter right now and can’t hide it
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People came forward with loads of advice for the mom
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The mom gave an interesting update after implementing the advice she’d received from netizens
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“Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?”: what the latest research says about favoritism
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Even the most loving families can be quietly divided by favoritism. Though, if you ever ask them, they would likely deny it.
Many parents aren’t deliberately ranking their kids. It’s more a matter of responding to different personality types, shared interests, or behaviors that align with their own expectations. And there are loads of ways parents can show favoritism, sometimes without even realizing it: How they interact with their children, how much money they spend on them, how much time they spend with them, and how much control they exert over them.
A team of researchers recently conducted a meta-analysis of 30 studies involving nearly 20,000 participants. They wanted to find out which children were more likely to be on the receiving end of favoritism from their parents.
They examined how birth order, gender, temperament and personality traits (extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness and neuroticism) were linked to parental favoritism.
“The researchers initially thought that mothers would tend to favor daughters and fathers would favor sons,” reports the American Psychological Association (APA). “However, the study found that both mothers and fathers were more likely to favor daughters.”
The team also found that children who were more agreeable or conscientious tended to receive more positive treatment.
According to lead author Alexander Jensen, PhD, an associate professor at Brigham Young University, siblings who received less favored treatment tended to have poorer mental health and more strained family relationships.
“Understanding these nuances can help parents and clinicians recognize potentially damaging family patterns,” he said. “It is crucial to ensure all children feel loved and supported.”
The research showed that parents were more likely to give older siblings greater autonomy. This could be because they were more mature.
Jensen has a message for anyone who feels there’s some favoritism at play in their family:
“The next time you’re left wondering whether your sibling is the golden child, remember there is likely more going on behind the scenes than just a preference for the eldest or youngest,” Jensen says. “It might be about responsibility, temperament or just how easy or hard you are to deal with.”
People praised the woman for being “an amazing mother”
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Ellinor she/they/elle 2 months ago (edited)
I'm really happy that everything is doing better. Reading the first post I was under the impression that Izzy struggled with seeing her mother and sister have a special bond she didn't saw herself being a part of (especially since she was very close with Sam growing up and lost that connection) and took it on Sam, and with the update I think I was correct. Being a teen is really hard on the body and mind (even if it's not a reason to be an @sshole) and it seems in the update that the mother is handling her daughter's different personalities with more and more ease.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
The other major red flag for me was when she is horrified her daughter wants to figure out why people believe things, and this is seen as annoying and aggressive And she's maybe not going about it the best way but this is how you learn. Clearly the best way to handle this is just to do your best to explain your position and why, and if you don't know maybe be an adult and think through it. If this is a common occurrence, you can have ready answers although you should already know why you hold positions if you're going to espouse them. It's fine to call time on a discussion, but your kid is trying to understand how people and the world work, don't treat it like an offense, teach her how to discuss things in a better manner. What did you think raising a child is if it isn't explaining the world and your worldview? I guess it's refreshing to have a parent that isn't pushing their ideology or region on their kids, but isnt helping them form their own in the job description?
Nikki Sevven 2 months ago
I thought that was odd, too. How can we understand someone's opinion unless we know WHY they hold that opinion? For example, I'm a woman who dislikes the color pink. A lot of people would wrongly believe that I dislike pink because of gender norms or the patriarchy. In reality, it's just not a pleasing color to my eye (except on flowers). There's nothing deep here; it's just a matter of personal taste.
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Ellinor she/they/elle 2 months ago (edited)
I'm really happy that everything is doing better. Reading the first post I was under the impression that Izzy struggled with seeing her mother and sister have a special bond she didn't saw herself being a part of (especially since she was very close with Sam growing up and lost that connection) and took it on Sam, and with the update I think I was correct. Being a teen is really hard on the body and mind (even if it's not a reason to be an @sshole) and it seems in the update that the mother is handling her daughter's different personalities with more and more ease.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
The other major red flag for me was when she is horrified her daughter wants to figure out why people believe things, and this is seen as annoying and aggressive And she's maybe not going about it the best way but this is how you learn. Clearly the best way to handle this is just to do your best to explain your position and why, and if you don't know maybe be an adult and think through it. If this is a common occurrence, you can have ready answers although you should already know why you hold positions if you're going to espouse them. It's fine to call time on a discussion, but your kid is trying to understand how people and the world work, don't treat it like an offense, teach her how to discuss things in a better manner. What did you think raising a child is if it isn't explaining the world and your worldview? I guess it's refreshing to have a parent that isn't pushing their ideology or region on their kids, but isnt helping them form their own in the job description?
Nikki Sevven 2 months ago
I thought that was odd, too. How can we understand someone's opinion unless we know WHY they hold that opinion? For example, I'm a woman who dislikes the color pink. A lot of people would wrongly believe that I dislike pink because of gender norms or the patriarchy. In reality, it's just not a pleasing color to my eye (except on flowers). There's nothing deep here; it's just a matter of personal taste.
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