People Are Horrified After Woman Shares Her Daughter Is Childfree So She Had 2 Kids On Her Behalf
Interview With ExpertParents consciously decide to have kids after a lot of thought and planning. It isn’t an easy path, so those who feel they can’t manage it simply opt out. Although they might be secure as child-free individuals, not everyone respects the lifestyle.
Some people, especially older folk, have trouble understanding why anyone would not want to have kids. This mom is one of those people who was so caught up in wanting to be a grandparent or continue her legacy that she didn’t stop to consider her child-free daughter’s feelings.
More info: Reddit
42-year-old mom thinks daughter is selfish for not wanting to have kids, thinks she’s doing daughter a favor by having 2 children on her behalf
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The poster truly believed that by going in for sterilization, her daughter would be denying “souls” from coming into their family for ancestral or karmic reasons
The mom in this post was so preoccupied with the idea of more children being born into her family that she just gave birth to them herself. She knew her child-free daughter didn’t want any, so since she could do it, she didn’t once stop to think if she actually should. Her delusions were so strong that she even blamed her 22-year-old daughter for her weird decision.
Being child-free isn’t a radical choice. In fact, an MSU study found that there are 1.7 million people who don’t want to have kids in Michigan alone. Surveys have found that voluntary childless people choose it for financial reasons, their age, the state of the world, or even due to climate change. Regardless of her reasons, the woman’s daughter had the right to choose how she wanted to live her life.
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Being child-free by choice makes some people feel really uncomfortable
People just can’t seem to accept that anyone could be child-free by choice. To understand more about voluntarily childless individuals, Bored Panda interviewed Veronica and Rick, the authors of The Childfree Connection page. They mentioned that they are on a mission to connect childfree people around the world and guide the community into living their most fulfilled lives.
We asked the couple why family members or friends often call individuals selfish for not having kids. Veronica and Rick told us that “people often struggle to detach themselves from the pronatalist assumption that the only acceptable way to express selflessness is by having children. The belief persists that if we are not willing to participate in the ‘sacrifice’ of parenthood, we are not contributing to the greater good.”
“The concept of self-love and self-care has also been warped to suggest that we only care about ourselves. The truth is that millions of childfree people have the opportunity and capacity to serve others precisely because we prioritize our well-being. Our community is overflowing with kind, loving, and caring child-free people.”
This deluded mom in this story was definitely not on board with her daughter’s decision because she felt “those souls needing to come into [their] family for ancestral or karmic reasons still [needed] to be born.” Although most folks probably don’t share such an extreme opinion, religion, culture, and mindset do play a role in people’s attitudes toward child-free individuals.
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Studies have found that higher education, especially for women, led to a higher approval for childlessness. On the other hand, regardless of the denomination, religious people tended to have more negative attitudes toward child-free people. It might be because most religions strongly advocate building strong family systems based on faith.
Apart from the negative attitudes, people also believe in a lot of stereotypes about voluntarily childless individuals. Research has found that child-free men and women are often considered irresponsible and egoistic. Men who choose this path are also stereotyped more and thought of as immature or womanizers.
The mom in this story seemed to think of her daughter similarly. She called the 22-year-old selfish and thought of herself as selfless for “birthing and raising two babies.” Despite the three kids being siblings, she’d joke about how the babies were actually her daughter’s. That must have really made family get-togethers awkward.
There are so many negative stereotypes about child-free people, but the reality is that the folks who make this decision put a lot of thought into it. Apart from financial or emotional aspects, people might decide on this path because of a history of family illnesses, their way of life not being conducive to raising kids, or simply because they really don’t want to do it.
Image credits: tiệm ảnh nhỏ / pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s hard to deal with pushy people (like the poster) who can’t accept a child-free lifestyle, but there are ways to take control of the situation. According to Clearblue, it’s important to set boundaries with such individuals. Take the time to share your thoughts with folks who truly want to listen, but you can steer clear of conversations with stubborn people.
Veronica and Rick also added that “it’s important to understand that if someone is unwilling to accept the child-free choice, no explanation will satisfy their judgment or preconceived notions about this lifestyle. Their close-mindedness will prevent any effort to have a constructive or loving conversation.”
“One approach to consider is saying, ‘It feels best for me to keep my decision and reasons private until I’m ready to share them with you.’ This may be difficult for some to say, but it can help prevent feelings of shame when the other person isn’t satisfied with the explanation.”
What prying individuals don’t understand is that the conversation about not wanting children can also be an emotional one for the other person. Rather than forcing their opinions on child-free people, it’s important to approach the situation with care and respect. Not everyone wants to give birth to and raise children, and that should be okay.
Veronica and Rick also shared their experience of letting people know they didn’t want to have children. They said, “expressing clarity and confidence in our choice was crucial. People tend to pick up on the energy behind a decision and are more likely to question those who seem unsure. We reached a point where listing reasons for our choice no longer mattered because this life-changing decision was about us.”
“The questioning has finally stopped now that we’re older, but our experiences were very different in our 20s and 30s. Rick was praised by his friends for ‘dodging a bullet,’ while I was constantly reminded that I was making a ‘huge mistake’ and would ‘regret my decision.’ Childfree people should set boundaries that best support their mental health, and if someone thinks they’re being selfish, so be it.”
Unfortunately, instead of really taking the time to understand her daughter, the OP took matters into her own hands and had two more children. It would honestly be the best karma if her other two kids grew up and also chose to be child-free.
How do you feel about this Gen X mom’s post? We’re all ears to hear your honest thoughts.
Netizens were extremely weirded out and could not believe anyone would think that way
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People also questioned why the mom clubbed herself in with Gen Xers
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Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
The people I feel the worst for in this situation are those two kids that Mom squoze out to spite her daughter. Those kids are going to grow up KNOWING and FEELING that their mother resents them.
You know she will tell them that they were meant to be their older sister’s kids but she was too selfish to have them.
Load More Replies...How old is that post? I agree with everyone saying she's a millennial because I am and she's only 2 years older than me. Xennial, at the least. And her daughter is definitely Gen Z. Same age as mine. But this whole issue has nothing to do with generational values. This is cult-like c**p or perhaps some weird cultural thing that only exists in their family. This is all the OP's fault. She had more kids. She can raise them or give them up to loving homes, that actually want them.
Not sure how old this is, but we've seen this before on BP.
Load More Replies...I think I know why the daughter did not want that genepool spread further….
Someone once told me I was selfish for not wanting to have kids. I just shrugged and said “guess I’m selfish then. The world will keep spinning.” It really threw her off, she was gasping like a fish at me before walking away. She really didn’t expect me to be just totally 100% fine with being called selfish 😂 (I don’t think it’s actually selfish not to have kids to be clear).
that can be the best answer to that sort of crazy. Agree and move on.
Load More Replies...The poll questions are so odd. They never address the actual point of the article, just seize on keywords. Do you think child free people are selfish? It doesn't matter because if either you mind your own business or you think they are selfish. Importantly selfish people should not be parents, so there is still no disagreement between any of the groups that answered. Childfree people should have kids.
Am I weird for wanting to know more about the unhinged mom's crazy cult/religion? Ancestral reasons? Karmic reasons? Please tell me more! I'm not trying to miss the point I'm just a cultural anthropology nerd!
Maybe she's just one of those new-age yoga mamas s**t you get to see on Instagram. It's not always an established religion's fault when people are batty.
Load More Replies...But if she believes it's some duty to have kids if you can, surely she should have kept popping them out anyway until menopause. She doesn't even follow her own logic. She does give off strong vibes of someone who will get fed up with the actual child and give them away to a stranger.
She won't give the kids to a stranger. She'll just resent and abuse them, and they'll grow up knowing their mother is just doing this because their older sister didn't care enough to raise them. The belief of souls needing to be born into the family means that you keep them in the family no matter what. I think she realized after having her first daughter that she did not like being pregnant or raising kids, so she raised that daughter to believe her purpose was to pop out the five or six souls that Mummy didn't want to have herself. That could be why the daughter rebelled and insisted on sterilization. And now OP is stuck having the babies she avoided having when she was younger because she's realized she could not foist it off on her first daughter but is still caught up in her religious mentality that those souls must be born into their family.
Load More Replies...Definitely not Gen X. We would have never cared enough to post this, much less action on it.
Momma should have been sterilized along with her daughter. The daughter did not want children for whatever reason. HER CHOICE. Momma had no right to have 2 more "on daughter's behalf", The ONLY time that statement would be alright is if daughter wanted children, but couldn't have her own for medical reasons and Momma stepped in as surrogate.
Sorry, but this woman is the textbook description of an absolute narcissist. "Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding." Hard core ignoring her is the only way to survive her toxicity. I feel sorry for the two kids she birthed so she could weaponize their lives in her service.
This story has been floating around the internet for 5+ years. People repost it for attention and internet points.
She had the entire first pregnancy before conceiving the second child. You would think during all that time her daughter, husband and every other sane person would have convinced her how crazy she was being.
Her husband likely agrees with her re the souls needing to be born. And she obviously doesn't care what her daughter says.
Load More Replies...The planet has more than enough people on it already. We could probably lose about half the world population and not even notice.
This mom is unhinged. Even if the daughter wanted to have kids, at 22 she is very young and still would have had plenty of time, at least 15-20 years to get pregnant (if that was what she wanted).
I read about how there's already too many people in the world. This woman isn't talkng about people, she's talking about souls. Look at most world leaders, and the problem becomes even more clear. Too many people, not enough souls to go around.
Yeah. Gen X with 6 adult kids of my own, 2 grandkids and no sign of more. That's fine by me; it's up to my kids to decide if they want kidlings, not me. Also, that karmic line thing is hippie & millennial woo most Gen Xers firmly roll their eyes at. Been there, read that, grew out of it when I was 12.
We argue incessantly about how to feed the next generation as populations expand, if anything the child free people are the selfless ones making it easier on the next generation
The people I feel the worst for in this situation are those two kids that Mom squoze out to spite her daughter. Those kids are going to grow up KNOWING and FEELING that their mother resents them.
You know she will tell them that they were meant to be their older sister’s kids but she was too selfish to have them.
Load More Replies...How old is that post? I agree with everyone saying she's a millennial because I am and she's only 2 years older than me. Xennial, at the least. And her daughter is definitely Gen Z. Same age as mine. But this whole issue has nothing to do with generational values. This is cult-like c**p or perhaps some weird cultural thing that only exists in their family. This is all the OP's fault. She had more kids. She can raise them or give them up to loving homes, that actually want them.
Not sure how old this is, but we've seen this before on BP.
Load More Replies...I think I know why the daughter did not want that genepool spread further….
Someone once told me I was selfish for not wanting to have kids. I just shrugged and said “guess I’m selfish then. The world will keep spinning.” It really threw her off, she was gasping like a fish at me before walking away. She really didn’t expect me to be just totally 100% fine with being called selfish 😂 (I don’t think it’s actually selfish not to have kids to be clear).
that can be the best answer to that sort of crazy. Agree and move on.
Load More Replies...The poll questions are so odd. They never address the actual point of the article, just seize on keywords. Do you think child free people are selfish? It doesn't matter because if either you mind your own business or you think they are selfish. Importantly selfish people should not be parents, so there is still no disagreement between any of the groups that answered. Childfree people should have kids.
Am I weird for wanting to know more about the unhinged mom's crazy cult/religion? Ancestral reasons? Karmic reasons? Please tell me more! I'm not trying to miss the point I'm just a cultural anthropology nerd!
Maybe she's just one of those new-age yoga mamas s**t you get to see on Instagram. It's not always an established religion's fault when people are batty.
Load More Replies...But if she believes it's some duty to have kids if you can, surely she should have kept popping them out anyway until menopause. She doesn't even follow her own logic. She does give off strong vibes of someone who will get fed up with the actual child and give them away to a stranger.
She won't give the kids to a stranger. She'll just resent and abuse them, and they'll grow up knowing their mother is just doing this because their older sister didn't care enough to raise them. The belief of souls needing to be born into the family means that you keep them in the family no matter what. I think she realized after having her first daughter that she did not like being pregnant or raising kids, so she raised that daughter to believe her purpose was to pop out the five or six souls that Mummy didn't want to have herself. That could be why the daughter rebelled and insisted on sterilization. And now OP is stuck having the babies she avoided having when she was younger because she's realized she could not foist it off on her first daughter but is still caught up in her religious mentality that those souls must be born into their family.
Load More Replies...Definitely not Gen X. We would have never cared enough to post this, much less action on it.
Momma should have been sterilized along with her daughter. The daughter did not want children for whatever reason. HER CHOICE. Momma had no right to have 2 more "on daughter's behalf", The ONLY time that statement would be alright is if daughter wanted children, but couldn't have her own for medical reasons and Momma stepped in as surrogate.
Sorry, but this woman is the textbook description of an absolute narcissist. "Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding." Hard core ignoring her is the only way to survive her toxicity. I feel sorry for the two kids she birthed so she could weaponize their lives in her service.
This story has been floating around the internet for 5+ years. People repost it for attention and internet points.
She had the entire first pregnancy before conceiving the second child. You would think during all that time her daughter, husband and every other sane person would have convinced her how crazy she was being.
Her husband likely agrees with her re the souls needing to be born. And she obviously doesn't care what her daughter says.
Load More Replies...The planet has more than enough people on it already. We could probably lose about half the world population and not even notice.
This mom is unhinged. Even if the daughter wanted to have kids, at 22 she is very young and still would have had plenty of time, at least 15-20 years to get pregnant (if that was what she wanted).
I read about how there's already too many people in the world. This woman isn't talkng about people, she's talking about souls. Look at most world leaders, and the problem becomes even more clear. Too many people, not enough souls to go around.
Yeah. Gen X with 6 adult kids of my own, 2 grandkids and no sign of more. That's fine by me; it's up to my kids to decide if they want kidlings, not me. Also, that karmic line thing is hippie & millennial woo most Gen Xers firmly roll their eyes at. Been there, read that, grew out of it when I was 12.
We argue incessantly about how to feed the next generation as populations expand, if anything the child free people are the selfless ones making it easier on the next generation
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