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30 Mom Jokes That May Have Both You And Your Mom Cracking Up

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Life as a mom isn’t exactly a fun experience. Sure, it is rewarding, of course, it’s dripping with heartwarming feelings, and it is absolutely filled with personal growth. However, catering to your little spawn’s everyday needs is ultimately a tiring, nerve-racking, and cumbersome experience you live through 24/7, 365 days per year. For the rest of your life. And besides being overfilled with the joy of your little one’s accomplishments, there’s one more thing you can do about your woes, and it is to laugh your socks off by reading these mom jokes formulated for those with kids yet entertaining for every human being. Laughter is, be as it may, the best painkiller and the elite in giving you a mental break. So yeah, this is our selection of the funniest mom jokes that we’ve found - all one hundred and eighty-two cool jokes which you can try to read in between feeding time, changing diapers, and cleaning up the constant mess.

These parenting jokes are trying to encapsulate what it is truly like raising kids. So, from kids trying to outsmart you every step of the way to you trying to explain to them the workings of life and doing the workload of at least twenty people, these parent jokes will resonate with your experiences with each word. Or, at least, it will give you something to laugh at! But, on the other hand, if these jokes are too painfully relatable to you, the very least they will do is reassure you that you are not alone on this quest to raise a decent human being, which is undoubtedly the hardest task of them all.

So, without any further ado - since we know that you don’t have much time before your baby wakes from their sleep and requires your attention - why don’t you scroll right down below and check out the funny jokes? Vote for the best mommy jokes that made you laugh and share this article with your friends experiencing the same overwhelming joy of raising progeny.

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#1

I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”

He said, “Call for backup.”

405points

Derek Dufrane 2 years ago

I would need swat and probably the Texas rangers or special forces for my granny no one messes with the woman in my family

7points

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#2

"My mum just bought our cat a Christmas stocking even tho we are muslims and don't even celebrate Christmas?? She was like "We don't know what religion he is we can't force him to be muslim" he's a cat?!?!"

356points

Lulxby 2 years ago

I wonder if the cat believes in Santa Paws ;) (see what I did there?)

103points

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#3

A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”

327points

beesechurger elite 2 years ago

🤭

30points

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#4

"Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours."

mommyshorts Report

323points

Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 2 years ago

LOL

36points

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#5

When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.

316points

Amelia Earhart 2 years ago

Thank you! You'll never know how relieved I am.

39points

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#6

"My 4YO fell off his scooter, and before I could help him, he stood up, dusted off, and whispered to himself, “shake it off big dawg.”

I’ve never been more confused about whether something was a parenting win or fail."

not_thenanny Report

300points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Trust me...a win...

72points

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#7

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.

299points

Terry Tobias 2 years ago

I feel that way about my dog and cats. Chances are I'm right to be suspicious!

57points

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#8

Daughter: Mom, I need my personal space!

Mom: You came out of my personal space.

272points

Derpy 2 years ago

omg she ain't lyin tho

51points

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#9

You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.

259points

New Everywhere 2 years ago

Damn

37points

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#10

Kid: What’s for dinner?

Mom: Food.

Kid: What kind?

Mom: The kind you eat.

257points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

makes sense...why start WW3 at dinner time ?

31points

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#11

“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” - Reese Witherspoon

249points

Panda in the Fake South 2 years ago

Absolutely 100%. Seems like everyone disagrees with this now.

35points

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#12

*In Mary Poppin’s voice* “Kids, time to go!”

15 minutes later… *Christian Bale’s Batman voice* “I said, let’s go.”

248points

Casey Burns 2 years ago

Batmom voice you mean.

76points

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#13

Mom’s recipe for iced coffee:

Have kids. Make coffee. Forget you made coffee. Put it in the microwave. Forget you put it in the microwave. Drink it cold.

245points

Terilee Bruyere 2 years ago

Yup

30points

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#14

"Good luck robbing my house. My home security system is LEGOs on the floor."

mommajessiec Report

233points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Pretty painful..up there with the little-toe caught on a chair in the dark and bumping your fore-head on the corner of a kitchen cabinet...

35points

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#15

"Mom, stop you are not funny. You never make good jokes."

"I made you."

230points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Kid is right ! it´s a Dad joke...

29points

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#16

“I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs — twice, knee and foot surgeries, winning Grand Slams being down match point, to name just a few. But I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!” - Serena Williams

229points

Daniel Atkins 2 years ago

Yeah like which lever fold this again?

29points

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#17

"At my daughter’s 4-year checkup, the doctor said she should be eating a varied diet and to make sure she’s eating a good amount from each food group and I think she said a bit about trying new foods but not sure cause I got distracted wondering if she’d ever actually met a 4yo."

SnarkyMommy78 Report

209points

Zophra 2 years ago

We had a see-through candy bowl with pretty colored single wrapped candies, When the kids were little, you got a piece after dinner for trying everything on your plate. It was stressed, you don't have to like it - just try it. Unsurprisingly, they liked more foods by trying more foods. Worked for us, might not work for everybody although squash is still a serious no-go.

92points

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#18

“I just watched my child individually pick off and eat every sprinkle on the donut I gave her. She has the patience for that, but can’t wait 30 seconds for me to pee by myself."

199points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Priorities !

37points

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#19

Nothing is really lost until Mom can’t find it.

194points

New Everywhere 2 years ago

I seriously don't get it. I can't remember my damn birthday, but I know where that piece of paper with the stuff on it is

44points

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#20

"My daughter is crying because her sister farted and I sprayed air freshener before she had a chance to sniff it. I’m raising savages."

sarabellab123 Report

190points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

...I wouldn´t bother...with husband and dogs in the house as well...a losing battle..

36points

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#21

"I’m not saying parenthood is hard, I’m just saying I was a LOT better at it before I had kids."

momtransparent1 Report

184points

Georgia Hebert 2 years ago

So we're a lot of other people ;)

19points

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#22

“Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?” - Michelangelo’s mother

167points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

....but Ma,you told me to get creative when you bought me the sharpies...

25points

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#23

"When my kid tells me they got hurt doing exactly what I told them to stop doing so they wouldn’t get hurt, I say, “Oh noooooo…”"

153points

Derpy 2 years ago

Ironic isn't it?

21points

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#24

"My kids are never better friends than when it’s 30 minutes past bedtime, and they won’t stop giggling."

145points

Samantha 2 years ago

Those "stolen" moments make for stronger bonds and wonderful memories.

42points

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#25

Whoever wrote the song “Easy Like Sunday Morning” did not have kids.

144points

May 2 years ago (edited)

Ok, now I've got the Faith no More version of that song stuck in my head

3points

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#26

"My mom once asked me to close the patio door because I was "letting the WiFi out."

140points

A Random Potato 2 years ago (edited)

Better hurry before they let the oxegen out too! ;D

8points

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#27

“I love to play hide-and-seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.”

138points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

...been there,done that...

19points

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#28

"My 4yo grabbed the egg off my egg and cheese sandwich, put it on her plate, took a bite of it, and then grabbed the rest in her hand, squeezed it shut, and handed it back to me saying she didn’t want it anymore. And this... THIS is why I can’t have nice things."

SnarkyMommy78 Report

128points

Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 2 years ago

Aaaaand THIS is why I don’t want children lmao (please don’t hate it’s just my personal opinion sorry not all moms etc)

109points

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#29

"I always thought I’d be a patient mom, but I don’t like who I become 30 seconds into my son’s guided tour of his Minecraft village."

Six_Pack_Mom Report

117points

May 2 years ago

OMG the minute my niece or nephew try to show me Minecraft stuff, my brain shuts down. I can't think of anything I find more boring

34points

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#30

“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.” - Chrissy Teigen

101points

Trisha Howson 2 years ago

Them pads that have the ice packs on them I think about them sometimes

0points

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#31

"I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband."

31points

James Pasquini 2 years ago

I want to sleep like my wife. She's out cold (and snoring) less than a minute after her head hits the pillow. She doesn't hear a thing unless it's as loud as an explosion. I can lay there for 1 to 2-1/2 hours before falling asleep. Any little sound and I'm up and wide awake again. If I hear a song within two hours of going to bed, I'm singing the song in my mind for an hour. Sometimes I even switch to another song. lol

0points

#32

Me: here’s your toast sweetie.

7yo: did you toast it for 28 seconds?

Me:

7yo:

Me: yes.

7yo: why has it got black bits?

Me:

7yo:

Me: if you were a dinosaur which one would you be?

7yo: oh mummy good question! *talks about dinosaurs for 25 minutes while eating burnt toast*

MumInBits Report

30points

Terry Tobias 2 years ago

Deflection: an excellent conversational tactic when dealing with children... and some adults.

10points

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#33

"I wish I had the same confidence as my 5-year-old foster child jumping on the trampoline who tells me to watch him in case he hits his head on an airplane."

traciebreaux Report

30points

beesechurger elite 2 years ago

aww, that’s cute

4points

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#34

"Parenting hack: Tell much lamer bedtime stories than your spouse so that your children will ask for them instead of you every night."

MetteAngerhofer Report

29points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Didn´t work in my house...the oldest insisted on the SAME story e v e r y night ...

9points

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#35

"Overheard my 8yo tell his little sister that when she’s older she’ll grow a baby in her tummy like mummy did and she was quiet for a minute and then said no she wouldn’t because when she grows up she’ll be a starfish."

MumInBits Report

29points

Lulxby 2 years ago

"you can be anything you want. Literally."

3points

#36

If at first you don’t succeed… try doing it the way Mom told you to in the beginning.

28points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

....even if it «kills« you....

3points

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#37

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” - Calvin Trillin

28points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Remarkable indeed...my mother used us kids as guine-pigs for her ideas of Health-food ! We all have good teeth though but an aversion to cilantro...

4points

#38

"My teen is mad at me and it could be because of any number of horrible things I did this morning: stood in the kitchen, poured coffee, stared out the window, said good morning, breathed..."

mommajessiec Report

28points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Well, if you commit so many crimes it is no wonder she is mad...try kissing her good-by.. and she´ll go ballistic !

9points

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#39

Eight-year-old: I’m hungry.

Mom: Have some fruit.

Eight-year-old: I don’t want fruit.

Mom: Then you’re not hungry.

27points

Catarina 2 years ago

Have this conversation ALL the time

4points

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#40

Mom: I have the perfect son.

Friend: Does he smoke?

Mom: No, he doesn’t.

Friend: Does he drink whiskey?

Mom: No, he doesn’t.

Friend: Does he ever come home late?

Mom: No, he doesn’t.

Friend: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

Mom: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

27points

I'm Kid A 2 years ago

Yes, he may not drink whiskey... but what about vodka? Bourbon? Rum? Gin? Tequila? Scotch? Brandy? Wine? Beer? Your friend was oddly specific.... Now I'm just picturing a baby with a tiny wine glass.

6points

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#41

"I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, "I'm NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I've been whispering. Now I'm free!"

JennyPentland Report

27points

#42

Daughter: Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?

Mother: I don’t know dear, ask your grandmother.

26points

Catarina 2 years ago

👌

4points

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#43

8yo: I feel like you're always making up rules and stuff.

Me: like what?

8yo: like if we don't pick up our room a portal will open and take us to another dimension.

Me: well that's what happened to your older brother.

8yo: what older brother?

Me: exactly!

BunAndLeggings Report

26points

Derpy 2 years ago

Plot twist her story was actually tru and the 8yo went to another dimension

2points

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#44

"I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner."

25points

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#45

"My daughter threw a tantrum because she felt it was too early to be spoken to and it really is a miracle that we create little versions of ourselves."

25points

Wednesday 2 years ago

I wake up awake, and usually happy. My daughter wakes up in stages... in a few hours she might be fully awake... in the intervening time period, speaking, breathing, moving, and asking any type of question is strictly forbidden.

0points

#46

"My son learned to play baby shark on his trumpet and my other son learned to play baby shark on his clarinet please respect my privacy during this difficult time."

Shenanigans_luv Report

25points

Sue 2 years ago

We took my 4-year-old granddaughter to a live local band concert the other night. There were lots of kids dancing & acting like groupies standing by the stage. The lead guitarist was great & had a 3-year old. She played the best version of Baby Shark I've ever heard.

4points

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#47

"I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times."

24points

#48

“Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner, the mother asked, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

24points

Brenda 2 years ago

ROTFLMAO

4points

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#49

What is a jumper?

Something you wear when your mother gets cold.

24points

IlovemydogShilo 2 years ago

Also coats. I do not have children but I have many memories of having to wear coats ALL THE TIME. Even in the middle of summer during a heatwave.

2points

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#50

"Hey if you could spare a prayer for my 2-year-old right now, his granola bar wrapper was pulled down slightly too low and it’s unclear if a recovery from this is possible."

bessbell Report

24points

Catarina 2 years ago

I've had that a few Times with his banana peel

2points

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#51

Son: Mom, can I get $20?

Mom: Does it look like I’m made of money?

Son: Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?

23points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

That's why we say M U M here in Australia.

4points

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#52

Mommy: Mommy will think about it!

Narrator: Mommy never thought about it. She knew it was ‘no’ all along and just wanted everyone to STFU.

23points

Sue 2 years ago

We always told our mom "Maybe means no."

3points

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#53

"I love when the kids tell me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a sink full of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time."

23points

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#54

"If listening to your kid tell a story burned calories, I’d be invisible."

sarcasticmommy4 Report

23points

Kimi Tomminello 2 years ago

Just wait. Once they're a teen you'll be lucky if they speak in proper sentences to you 😜

4points

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#55

"In the middle of the millionth meltdown of the day, my 5yo said “I’m just so frustrating” (instead of “frustrated”) and I’ve never agreed with her more."

SnarkyMommy78 Report

23points

#56

"I always remind my kids: Having a weird mom builds character."

22points

Brenda 2 years ago

I always said "Who wants to be normal? Where's the fun in that!"

2points

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#57

Never doubt a mother! She can carry a screaming toddler, two gallons of milk, talk on her cell phone, and still shoot you daggers for looking at her crazy.

22points

#58

"When can we come see the baby? Four a.m. would be super helpful. Thanks."

22points

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#59

“Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” - Shonda Rhimes

22points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

At one point our upstairs neighbours moved their bed to another room at about 4 am...no way we could mistake the sound of a bed being dragged across the floor...

6points

#60

“Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.” - Julie Bowen

22points

Nicole Weymann 2 years ago

Cute, too, which is what saves their lives.

0points

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#61

“You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” - Jennifer Garner

22points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

If it isn't the kids, it is the cats.

0points

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#62

“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” - Julia Roberts

22points

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#63

"I don't care how cute your kid is. When you wake up in the middle of the night and see them standing next to your bed, they are terrifying."

maughammom Report

22points

Atlas 2 years ago

Used to do it all the time when I was a kid. Scared my Dad shitless countless times, he thought I was possessed

5points

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#64

10 year old son: Mom what's a metaphor?

Me: My life is a train wreck.

10 year old son: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?

sardonictart Report

22points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Cute !

2points

#65

"Now that both my kids are in school all day, I can live the stay-at-home-parent dream of keeping caught up with the laundry."

PetrickSara Report

22points

Brenda 2 years ago

Never happen. Kids are grown and gone and it STILL is never done

2points

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#66

"Homeschooling is tough. For example, today I had to tell my son he didn’t make our baseball team."

mommajessiec Report

22points

New Everywhere 2 years ago

😂

5points

#67

“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.” - Carrie Underwood

21points

AniaSD 2 years ago

That's why you should also have dogs

5points

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#68

"I stubbed my toe and my mom shouted at me for yelling, “What the duck!”

She was angry that I used fowl language."

21points

#69

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” - Phyllis Diller

21points

#70

Night Mom: Tomorrow, I’m going to get up early before all of the kids, pack their lunches, go for a run, cook a healthy breakfast, and enjoy 20 minutes of silent ‘me time.'

Morning Mom: Hahahahahaha. Nice try.

21points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

Why is it that kids can get up at OMG hours at the crack of Dawn and be as bright as a button, most days, but on a school day, they can't drag their tails out of bed to save their lives. And the day is half gone already. I told my kids one morning at 7 am that, "Come on guys, school is half over." They were up and dressed really fast and sitting at the breakfast table before 7:15. Trouble is, it only worked once.

2points

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#71

"At my age I’m no longer a snack; I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids."

20points

Daniel Marsh 2 years ago

Hm. Nobody added, "... and a drink."

4points

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#72

"My kids asked me what it was like to be a mom. So, I woke them up at 3 a.m. demanding to know where my lucky sock was."

20points

#73

“I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps… I love that one more.”

19points

CD Mills 2 years ago

I lucked out, I have one of each and I can say _____ is my favorite daughter and _______ is my favorite son.

2points

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#74

“Ah, babies. They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.” - Tina Fey

19points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Absolutely...and then they grow up and voice their opinion on everything...normally in a high shrilly voice on public transportation...

4points

#75

“I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for six to eight more weeks.” - Petite Bello

19points

#76

"My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as “there appears to have been a struggle.”"

19points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

Lets play a game kids. Putting the laundry basket on the floor next to the toy box. Make room for mum and we can sit under the window, Now pick up Yellow toys and see if you can get them into the basket. I have a biscuit for the winner. Mum throws one and get it into the toy box, Kid yells out, You lose mum can we have our biscuits now.

0points

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#77

Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?

Dad: No.

Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

19points

#78

A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.”

The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”

18points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Touché !

4points

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#79

“My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.'” - Paula Poundstone

18points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

I´ll just answer with this... IMG_8016-6...868d19.jpg

5points

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#80

To Mom: I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m hot, can I have… where are you?

To Dad: Where’s Mom?

18points

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#81

"Please excuse the mess! My kids are making memories. Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess."

18points

James Pasquini 2 years ago

I heard those first two sentences used before by one of my son's friend's wife as we entered and saw a mess on the floor, and in the chairs, and...

0points

#82

Motherhood: When changing from plaid flannel PJs into black yoga pants qualifies as “getting dressed.”

18points

I'm Kid A 2 years ago

I have an "inside the house only" robe and a classier "I can maybe wear this while quickly darting out to my car for something or getting the mail - if I don't see any neighbors in the vicinity" robe.

3points

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#83

"Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half.

An M&M.

In half."

ValeeGrrl Report

18points

Sue 2 years ago

I always ate the item that made the count uneven.

12points

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#84

"Thoughts and prayers for my husband as our five year old looked him straight in the eyes and told him “your jokes aren’t funny.”

18points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

just rip the band-aid off...best way to save both further embarrassment..

2points

#85

"5yo told me she can’t help me clean up her toys because she’s tired from all the work she does in kindergarten. When I asked her what she meant by work, she said “ugh they’re always making us write our names”.

SnarkyMommy78 Report

18points

I'm Kid A 2 years ago

If it's in cursive that's a legitimate complaint. (Kids still learn that, right? I know some older adults kind of joke about that sort of thing, but kids do actually still learn it, right?)

2points

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#86

8 year old me: I'm bored.

Mom: I can make you not bored. how bout you clean these dishes.

8 year old me: I'm going to go play outside.

AlchemicalEnthusiast Report

18points

#87

Mother is the one person who does the work of 20 for free.

17points

#88

My nickname is Mom. But my full name is “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”

17points

#89

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Yo mama.

Yo mama who?

Yo mama who knows you didn’t throw out the garbage like I asked you to.

17points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

True story...my 6 year old met my parents next door neighbor,mr.Lindholm carrying the garbage bag in his hand....mr.Lindholm what ARE you doing !!? ...Mr Lindholm re-enters his appartment and says to his wife..I met jonas and he said that it was embarrassing for me to take the garbage out...wife agrees and from then on pays 10cent for each garbage bag taken out....paid work,dignified.....

4points

#90

“As a mom, I’m constantly worried about the safety of my children. Like especially the one who’s been rolling her eyes and talking back to me.”

17points

Amanda Hopkins 2 years ago

Invest in a high security playpen, you can always climb back out once the kids have calmed down.

6points

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Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#91

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mon: We have to go to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked, we are going to buy you a car next month.

Son: You are??? Omg thank you!

Mon: No. We're not. I just wanted to make sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel.

17points

Georgia Hebert 2 years ago

Mom: Heh heh heh, in evil voice!

7points

#92

"I was celebrating the fact my kids were all playing together nicely.

Turns out my 8yo opened a Sharpie “tattoo shop” in his bedroom.

My 2yo has “tattoo” barbed wire across her chest and a skull with DEADLOCK scrolled down her arm."

UnfilteredMama Report

17points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Tsk.tsk.tsk....and in 8 years you have not learnt that silence is a HUGE red flag ?

11points

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#93

"Stay in school, kids. No, I mean really. Don't come home. We need a break."

HousewifeOfHell Report

17points

New Everywhere 2 years ago

Summer break is almost here

4points

#94

First kid: healthy, organic everything.

After third kid: KFC chicken leg falls on floor - just pick it up and eat it, I don't care.

KateWhineHall Report

17points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Been there....done that...and we all survived..

4points

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50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#95

"My 7yo wanted us to play hotel with her so we started pretending to call the front desk with a million different requests at the same time until she got so stressed out she didn’t want to play anymore."

copymama Report

17points

Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 2 years ago

Aw 😂 me at work every morning

2points

#96

"My mom texts me "lol" when I'm having a bad day because she STILL thinks it means "lots of love."

keelsondarealz Report

17points

Sue 2 years ago

That's just what she says. She's secretly laughing at you going through what she already went through.

5points

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#97

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?

Student: When my mother sees my report card!

16points

Derpy 2 years ago

That kid is just a legend

3points

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#98

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it, anyway.” - Erma Bombeck

16points

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Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#99

“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” - Kelly Oxford

16points

#100

When did you know you were a mother?

When I realized 90 percent of my day was locating someone else’s lost crap.

16points

I'm Kid A 2 years ago

Hopefully the crap is metaphorical at this stage....

6points

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#101

"Sorry I don't make the rules" I say blatantly lying to my child about a rule I just made up."

HeatherStenwall Report

16points

#102

"My daughter wanted to keep a few rocks from the lake, but I said no, and anyway that's why there are rocks in my purse."

lmegordon Report

16points

#103

"6 was excited to meet the pizza at the door/set up the food at the table for the family. He ran from the door and threw the box on the table. What could go wrong? He then opened the box he accused me of ordering an upside-down pizza, “Why would you do that?!”

ThatMummyLife Report

16points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Yes,why ?

4points

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#104

What are the three quickest ways to spread a rumor?

The internet, telephone, and telling your mom.

15points

#105

My mom told me I’d never amount to anything because I procrastinate too much.

I said, “Oh, yeah? Just you wait.”

15points

Vanessa Richardson 2 years ago

My mom told me it seems like I’m always out for revenge. We’ll see about that.

2points

#106

Mom: Come down for dinner!

Kid: I’m busy, mooooom!

Mom: Right now before it gets cold! (runs down the stairs)

Kid: Where’s the food?

Mom: It’ll be ready in five minutes.

15points

#107

"Bought my mom a mug that says, “Happy Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son.”"

15points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Wont work...she will think you are the World´s best son with a sense of humour !!

1point

#108

"Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning, you can braid hair while I pack lunches, and we can all be late."

15points

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"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#109

"Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night."

hypercraxy Report

15points

Georgia Hebert 2 years ago

Good luck finding it ;)

2points

#110

"Have kids so they can do things like smack your thigh and yell: "SO WIGGLY."

pro_worrier_ Report

15points

foofoofloofy 2 years ago

I can do that to myself, thanks.

2points

#111

"No one:

Absolutely no one:

My 4yo: When I was in your tummy it was super gross in there."

pro_worrier_ Report

15points

Derpy 2 years ago

It was watery and i was connected with a tube thing that locked me in there

2points

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#112

"I yelled “go to bed” so loud that I put the neighbor’s kids to bed."

mommajessiec Report

15points

Mirsini Efstratiou 2 years ago

And the neighbor's kids parents and dog, even the guard from the next building goes to sleep.

1point

#113

"If you buy a box of donuts for your kids and then eat the box of donuts before your kids see it, it’s as if the box of donuts never existed, I hope."

reallifemommy3 Report

15points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Not if the empty box is still on the table...

6points

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“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

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“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#114

Remember when you first became a parent. And everything was so terrifying? Now you watch your kid lick the grocery cart and you don’t even break a sweat.

14points

I'm Kid A 2 years ago

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#115

Is there any way to file a temporary restraining against a toddler? Just like 24 hours, maybe two days tops. Asking for a friend.

14points

#116

I love my kids. Not enough to flip the fish sticks halfway through cooking, but I love them.

14points

Sue 2 years ago

I never flip those or tater tots. I just turn on the broiler to cook the other side. Our broiler lets you set a temperature.

1point

#117

Before having kids, every mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill mom. That’s because, at that point, we had no idea they’d break all our stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take roughly 10 years to get out of the car.

14points

Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 2 years ago

Yeah I’d be the coolest mom ever if my kids were the coolest kids ever. Otherwise, we all just a bunch of humans 😂 frustration is normal

7points

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#118

"A surprising amount of parenting is bribing your kids with things you don’t want to do, then breathing a sigh of relief when they mess it up so you don’t have to deliver."

thearibradford Report

14points

#119

"Having kids is a great idea if you’ve ever looked at your markers and thought “if only they were a bit drier...”

SnarkyMommy78 Report

14points

Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 2 years ago

“And scribbled all over the walls…and if only someone would somehow find a way to swallow a piece of this and make us go to Emergency at a really inconvenient time…”

0points

#120

"My daughter went back to college today and I texted her that I missed her so much and she texted back 2.5 hours later, “Yes.” Then, “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”

I WAS IN LABOR FOR 14 HOURS."

Parkerlawyer Report

14points

Wednesday 2 years ago

27.5 with the first one... I'm wondering when she'll grow out of hurting me.

0points

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#121

Mom: Want some apple juice?

Me: Okay.

Mom: It's in the fridge.

bashfulapple Report

14points

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#122

"Basically every 'mom' joke would end with a punchline along the lines of "I love you, don't do drugs."

bashfulapple Report

14points

#123

What do you call a small mom?

Minimum.

13points

#124

What makes more noise than a child jumping on mommy’s bed?

Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!

13points

Bexx 🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 2 years ago

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed! 🎵

2points

#125

The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors, in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away — while dad snores next to you.

13points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

A MUM !

2points

#126

"Yes, please get a new cup every time you need water" — said no mom ever.

13points

Brenda 2 years ago

My kids had 2 cups they could reach. If both were gone, they had to find one to be washed and they had to help. Didn't take long for them to use the same one

3points

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#127

Licked a dark smear off my finger, and then thought, “Phew it’s chocolate.”

13points

#128

"My kid is turning out to be exactly like me. Well played, Karma. Well played."

13points

#129

There are two amounts of pasta moms are good at cooking: Not enough and enough for 3,000 people.

13points

Anna Repp 2 years ago

Now I'm sitting here and thinking - what's a "pasta mom"?

0points

#130

How many moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, obviously, and she has to do it or else it won’t get done.

13points

#131

Why did the mother cross the road?

To get some peace and quiet!

13points

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#132

What three words solve every dad’s problems?

Ask your mother.

13points

#133

"The kids were bored so I suggested they play with any of the 8000 toys we have in the house and then we all laughed as I turned on Netflix."

MumInBits Report

13points

#134

Daycare: "Her mouth is all blue. What did she have for breakfast?"

Me: "A marker."

cakevans Report

13points

#135

"All dads have a Fear of Missing Garbage Day."

mommajessiec Report

13points

#136

"Every time I email my mom something with a link in it, she always calls right away and asks, "Will this destroy my computer?"

NateHoot Report

13points

Derpy 2 years ago

Will it tho..?

2points

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#137

"I went from Mama to Mommy to Mom to Hey can I have $20."

mommajessiec Report

13points

I'm Kid A 2 years ago

At least you haven't reached "Hey mom, don't forget to pay my rent next week"... But to be fair, he's (my brother) a full-time student.

0points

#138

“Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!” - Humpty Dumpty’s mother

12points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

...but all the Kings men came to his aid..

1point

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#139

"I feel personally victimized by my own daughter. I just want her to stop throwing crackers at me."

12points

#140

“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.” - Amy Poehler

12points

#141

Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day?

Because Mom spent all Saturday cleaning it.

12points

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#142

“Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” - Ed Asner

12points

#143

Pointed look from mom: “Give you money? Oh, honey, I already gave you life.”

12points

#144

Motherhood is fun and all, but have you ever had the house alone on a Saturday?

12points

#145

Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day?

So the kids can spend all their Christmas money on mom.

12points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago (edited)

Nope, that doesn't work, Dad gets the, Dad can I have $20 to get something for mum tomorrow, School has a Mothers day stall.. Dad turns to mum and says, Just grabbing some money, I can't tell you what its for.

3points

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#146

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because his mom was in a jam!

11points

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#147

What did the mama say to the foal?

“It’s pasture your bedtime.”

11points

#148

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Adore.

Adore who?

Adore you mommy!

11points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

For a moment you absolutely melt...then reality hits you...he/she is hiding something you are NOT gonna like !!

4points

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#149

Why do Mothers have to have two visits to the optometrist?

Because they also have eyes in the back of their head.

11points

#150

“[Kids] are challenging. Wine is necessary. They’re great though.” - Kelly Clarkson

11points

#151

"My kids told me they aren't talking to each other at school because it's embarrassing. Today when I dropped them off for the 1st day of school they held hands, so I put my window down and yelled "NERDS!" as I drove off."

BunAndLeggings Report

11points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

Cruelty at its finest.

2points

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#152

"I think my teen finally got cold today because he left for school wearing a long sleeve Christmas sweater with his shorts."

maryfairybobrry Report

11points

Mirsini Efstratiou 2 years ago

Beat that: I never told my children to wear warm clothes because we live in a country were it is ALWAYS hot. My teen goes out with a sweater even when there are 45 degrees... Celsius.

2points

#153

"My favorite thing my daughter says to me every single day is "when you die I'm going to get all your money. Have a good sleep."

TheEmmeReynolds Report

11points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

Brutal,but honest....also give you time to come up with a plan B..

2points

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#154

What did the lazy boy say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes?

“Relax mom… you can just do them in the morning.”

10points

#155

“It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want, like a bottle of wine, out of macaroni and glue.” - Stephanie McMaster

10points

Jette Wang Wahnon 2 years ago

I don´t agree...macaroni and glue,multi-coloured beans and glue make for amazing master pieces...I have some with 50+ years still and love them...

6points

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#156

“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy

10points

#157

Son: Mom, what’s a weekend?

Mom: I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one since you were born.

10points

#158

What kind of flowers are best for Mother’s Day?

Mums.

9points

Vanessa Richardson 2 years ago

Chocolate ones!

1point

#159

How do you get the kids to be quiet?

Say, “Mum’s the word.”

9points

#160

“Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.” - Kristen Bell

9points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

I woke up one morning to my two girls, 2 years and 11 months, both in the cot painting the walls, my 2 y/o had my NEW lipstick, my 11 month old had emptied her diaper.. miss 2, thought it would be a good idea because she didn't want her sister to get into trouble.

2points

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#161

Roses are red, Violets are blue. My mom’s jokes, are funnier than you.

9points

#162

Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?

Because mothers are priceless.

8points

#163

Why did mom get a plate of English muffins on Mother’s Day?

Her family wanted her to feel like a queen!

7points

#164

What warm drink helps mom relax?

Calm-omile tea.

7points

#165

Why don’t mothers wear watches?

There’s a clock on the stove.

4points

Lynn Morello 2 years ago

And one on each wall in the lounge and kitchen, and one on the bed side table. one on each of the lap tops and one in the car.

0points

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Aivaras Kaziukonis

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Robertas Lisickis

Some time ago, Robertas used to spend his days watching how deep the imprint in his chair will become as he wrote for Bored Panda. Wrote about pretty much everything under and beyond the sun. Not anymore, though. He's now probably playing Gwent or hosting Dungeons and Dragons adventures for those with an inclination for chaos.

Some time ago, Robertas used to spend his days watching how deep the imprint in his chair will become as he wrote for Bored Panda. Wrote about pretty much everything under and beyond the sun. Not anymore, though. He's now probably playing Gwent or hosting Dungeons and Dragons adventures for those with an inclination for chaos.

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

What do you think ?

Helmut Kok 2 years ago

I heard one yesterday in a super market "mom why are you always so stubborn?" - "where do you think you got it from?"

7points

DDmaybeandor 2 years ago

Seriously though, put your phone down and take an interest in your kid(s). Give them a bedtime earlier than they really need and let them talk to you for 15 minutes or a half an hour putting off going to bed. Take 10 minutes a day listening to them as if you’re trying to impress someone else by how attentive you are. Praise them. It is literally now my job to assist kids with extreme behavioral problems and most of the time it’s because their parents are critical and checked out.

6points

Kusotare 2 years ago

My brother-in-law was an expert on parenting before he and his wife had kids.

5points

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Helmut Kok 2 years ago

I heard one yesterday in a super market "mom why are you always so stubborn?" - "where do you think you got it from?"

7points

DDmaybeandor 2 years ago

Seriously though, put your phone down and take an interest in your kid(s). Give them a bedtime earlier than they really need and let them talk to you for 15 minutes or a half an hour putting off going to bed. Take 10 minutes a day listening to them as if you’re trying to impress someone else by how attentive you are. Praise them. It is literally now my job to assist kids with extreme behavioral problems and most of the time it’s because their parents are critical and checked out.

6points

Kusotare 2 years ago

My brother-in-law was an expert on parenting before he and his wife had kids.

5points

Load More Comments

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