Watching a family—any family—fall apart can be completely heartbreaking. One of the main sources of tension in any area of life is trying to force people to do something that they don’t want to. Setting boundaries, looking for compromises, talking about sensitive issues instead of letting the emotions fester over years and years—these are all powerful tools that can help you create the foundations of a healthy relationship.

Redditor u/ToreSoveren shared an emotional story online, asking for the AITA community’s verdict on whether how he treated his mom was fine or over the top. The author of the post explained how his mom spent years and years trying to ‘force’ her stepson into all family gatherings and affairs. She wanted everyone to treat her stepson as they did her other two kids.

However, because of this, the family got very distant. Sometime later, there was a massive argument between the OP and his mother, which led to him writing the post in the first place. Scroll down for the full story in the redditor’s own words, dear Pandas. When you’ve finished reading it, let us know who you think was in the wrong in this emotionally messy situation.

Respecting boundaries and taking into account how someone else feels lie at the core of healthy relationships

Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)

A young man shared how his family grew distant after his mother tried ‘forcing’ her stepson into every interaction

Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ToreSoveren

In an ideal world, everyone would get along. However, we don’t live in one. Redditor u/ToreSoveren explained how it was nearly impossible to spend time with her dad’s side of the family after the divorce. His mother would try to ‘force’ her stepson into every interaction.

Objectively, both sides probably only wanted what they thought was best for everyone. The mom wanted everyone to accept her stepson as a true member of the extended family. Meanwhile, her other kids wanted to spend time with the people who knew their biological dad the best. No parent wants to see their adopted child ignored. No child wants to be made to love someone. Everyone wants their feelings to be taken into account.

They couldn’t come to a compromise. The result? Everyone grew distant, especially after the author of the postt moved out of the house.

The entire situation came to a head when the OP’s mom confronted him at work. The author wrote: “I told her she only had one kid, her stepson, and that my sister and I were no longer her kids and my family were no longer forced to include him to see us and that it was all her fault for forcing it in the first place.”

However, the argument was so charged that it made the man turn to the AITA subreddit for their advice. Most people thought that the OP didn’t do anything wrong. Some felt like his mom didn’t care about anyone else’s boundaries. Others thought that the mother was trying to cut her daughters off from their father’s side of the family.

When everyone feels like they’re right, it can be hard to make up after an argument, with tempers rising and emotions flying everywhere. However, if you do want to get past the so-called ‘post-argument hangover’ (because, let’s face it, everyone feels uncomfortable), one of the ways to close the gap is through physical touch. For example, a long hug helps you feel someone else’s heart rate and breathing, and helps both people co-regulate. You end up being soothed, just like you were when you were a baby.

Bored Panda reached out to parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, the founder of the Walking Outside in Slippers project, for a few insights about moving past arguments with family members, as well as rekindling relationships with people who we’ve become estranged from.

“Unfortunately, I have a bit of experience in the area of family arguments as some of my extended family members have stopped speaking to each other because of disagreements. My husband and I have discussed never letting disagreements come between our family members, and talk to our kids often about the importance of maintaining close family bonds,” Samantha said.

“I realize that family dynamics can differ greatly from family to family, and that hurt feelings run deep. But for me, family love trumps disagreements, even big ones. We have such short lives and should do what we can to agree to disagree if necessary and move on from arguments. Of course, truly toxic family members are another beast entirely,” blogger Samantha explained to Bored Panda.

She also opened up about her own experience rekindling old friendships. “I recently reached out to a close friend I hadn’t spoken to for years following an argument about my wedding more than a decade ago. I missed him, and was willing to take the risk of getting hurt to see if he’d be receptive to talking. He was, and I’m so glad I extended a peace offering to him,” Samantha, from Walking Outside in Slippers, shared with us.

“In addition, I had a major falling out with a very close family member several years ago over politics, and we have repaired our relationship a little to the point we send text messages occasionally. But our relationship will likely never be what it once was. I would love to rebuild it, but she has changed. I think it’s important to expect those we love to change and evolve, and to be willing to roll with those changes. And if you want to reconnect with someone you’ve had a falling out with, I say do it. Not reconnecting when you could have would be a major missed opportunity to let someone special back in your life.”

The author of the viral post answered some of the questions others gave him and provided more context in the comments

Here’s how some people felt about the emotionally charged story

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