Recently, a mom split the internet by revealing that she allowed her five-year-old daughter to bleach her hair. In a video that has gone viral, Demi Lucy May Engemann, who describes herself as the ‘CEO of cool mom’ in her bio, documented her and her daughter Maude’s trip to the salon to her TikTok followers, detailing that she let the youngster skip school to have a ‘girls day’ together.

The Utah-based content creator explained how she allowed Maude to get highlights after she had asked to “bleach her hair so she could put pink in it”. The 28-year-old mom then proceeded to film the mother-daughter hair appointment and show how the child “got so excited the minute she saw how blonde [her hair] was”.

The clip has already been viewed more than 14.4 million times, and reactions immediately erupted on the platform. Passionate TikTokers wasted no time sharing their opinions ranging from praise to criticism — while some saw it as a precious moment, others were quick to mom-shame the woman. Scroll down to see the video in full, as well as the heated debate that followed. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter, and weigh in on the discussion in the comments.

Influencer Demi Lucy May Engemann recently documented her and her daughter Maude’s mother-daughter hair appointment

Image credits: demilucymay

The now-viral video shows how the mother allows her five-year-old daughter to get her dark blonde hair bleached

Image credits: demilucymay

The woman let Maude skip school to have a ‘girls day’ together, and she excitedly smiled throughout the process

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

The clip ended with Maude’s father seeing his daughter’s transformation, with Demi explaining he “didn’t recognize” his daughter at first

Image credits: demilucymay

Image credits: demilucymay

You can watch the full video, which got over 14.4 million views, right here

@demilucymay_ Here’s your sign to say “yes” more 🥹 pure joy! ##HausLabsFoundation##momsoftiktok##mommydaughter##hairtok##utah##thatgirl##thatgirlaesthetic##girly##hair##momtok ♬ Love You So – The King Khan & BBQ Show

Even though the footage shows Maude having a blast as she got to help mix dye, enjoy some snacks, and watch the stylist highlight her dark blonde hair, the response from the platform has been mixed. The video sparked a heated debate online, with one side deeming it a sweet and fun experience, and others jumping to the comments section to accuse Demi of damaging her daughter’s hair and foisting her beauty standards onto the child.

The fact that moms and dads face backlash online for their decisions is nothing new. After all, parenthood is an equally wonderful and challenging experience that lasts a lifetime. It’s a demanding job that is not for the faint of heart, as it does come with countless ups and downs, trials and tribulations, and a constant stream of advice and opinions from every direction.

When it comes to children and beauty treatments, it’s an especially delicate topic that causes quite a stir online. However, some experts recommend parents wait until their kids are older to bleach their hair. In an interview with Good Housekeeping, a New York-based dermatological surgeon Sejal Shah, MD, explained that because kids’ hair goes through many changes from birth to puberty, their hair and skin are more sensitive and therefore more likely to experience reactions.

“I really don’t think it’s safe to dye or bleach a child’s hair until after puberty, and ideally not until their late teens — at least 16,” Dr. Shah said.

The TikToker also shared some before-and-after videos of Maude showing off her new dyed strands

Image credits: demilucymay

The response on the platform has been mixed, with some people praising the mother and others criticizing her decision

Later on, Demi addressed the controversy in a follow-up video

Image credits: demilucymay

@demilucymay_ Replying to @christinamariedaniels #greenscreen ♬ original sound – DemiLucyMay

Well, Demi later insisted it was all Maude’s idea. The woman said she felt “exhausted” by all of the “mom shamers and trolls” who have criticized her for getting her daughter’s hair bleached.

“You can disagree, that’s fine,” she noted. “But the minute name calling starts or mom shaming starts based off one decision you disagree with — that’s where I’m going to put an end to that.”

Unfortunately, mom-shaming is extremely common. From brutal comments in online parenting groups to random strangers who act like they know your child better than you, many mothers feel pressure from fellow adults. In fact, a poll conducted by the University of Michigan’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital found that six out of 10 American mothers say they’ve been criticized for their parenting skills.

After surveying a nationally representative sample of around 475 mothers with kids ranging from newborns up to 5 years old, the research showed that many mothers were “shamed” for their parenting choices by different people in their lives, especially members of their own families. The most frequent areas of criticism include discipline (70%); diet and nutrition (52%); sleep (46%); breast- versus bottle-feeding (39%); safety (20%); and child care (16%).

There’s no one-size-fits-all option for parenting, yet some people believe that their way of doing things is better than anyone else’s. This sometimes leads to unsolicited advice, judgments, and mom-shaming — something that breeds insecurity and can shake a woman’s self-esteem and confidence.

To gain more insight from an expert, we reached out to Gail Post, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, parenting coach, and author of The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children. “Using shame to express an opinion is hurtful — and also ineffective,” she told Bored Panda.

“Shaming is harsh and punitive, and attempts to challenge an individual’s personal judgment and sense of integrity. If readers had strong opinions about this mom’s decision to allow her daughter to have her hair colored, they could have added their opinions in a more supportive and helpful manner.”

When asked how best to respond to people who resort to mom-shaming, Post explained that sometimes ignoring the comments is the best strategy. “Other times, focusing on the process — such as pointing out that the comments were hurtful and certainly not helpful — is appropriate, although unlikely to convince the shamers to change their opinions.”

“Responding only to the content in the message would likely incite further debate,” Post continued. “Using calming strategies and seeking support from friends also can help with the hurt and frustration.”

“The little girl appeared to be enjoying herself in the video, and clearly was interested in copying her mother’s focus on beauty,” the licensed psychologist added. “Yes, it emphasizes beauty concerns above other traits one would like to see a young girl develop (e.g., confidence in her intelligence, kindness toward others); however, given all of the problems in the world right now, and the many problematic choices some parents make in child raising, it seems like an unnecessary and hurtful diversion to attack this mother’s decisions,” Post concluded.

Bored Panda reached out to Demi and will update the article as soon as we get a comment.

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