It’s funny when they post/pose their question thinking most redditors or commenters are going to be their flying monkeys. And it backfires!!

Here is a point that seems to be missing. This 13 yr old in theory has two homes. You don’t get invited to come home, you just go home. The father and his new wife don’t view their house as her home or this wouldn’t even be an issue. They are the assholes. She is thirteen, how much engagement does she really need? This also probably means that none of her favorite things that occupy her in her mother’s HOME exist in their house. If it did, she would be doing whatever she does in her other space there while they slept and recovered because that is how life would be if she actually lived there.

It's not just cancelling "visits" - that is one of her two homes where her father, step mother, and siblings also live. Cancelling on her is telling a 13 year old child she can't come home and not allowing her the time to bond with and know her siblings. It's locking her out of the family and communicating quite clearly that she will never be a real part of it and that her father moved on from his parent-child relationship with his first daughter as well as from his romantic relationship with his first wife. If you take on the step parent role, you really need to be ok with actually taking on that role, you can't just plan to ship the kids off to boarding school the way the evil step parent does in the movies. Aside from being completely wrong from a parenting perspective, they're also being quite inconsiderate to the ex, who is having babysitting duties dumped on her regardless of what plans she might have and whether it's convenient for her to make last minute changes.

Years ago I knew a guy who was a single dad to a really sweet teenage boy. Then he got remarried and the stepmother had a baby, and shortly after that she declared that she didn't want the son in the house now they had a new baby. The poor kid was essentially forced to move out and join the army. I was only a kid myself at the time and I remember thinking "Why would you do that?? It's so unfair!"

what a fucken idiot, of course the daughter is upset, just because his daughter is there does not mean the baby will stop crying so it's clear that the step mom does not want her there because it's clear that you will not be catching up on sleep anyway

Honestly, this is the exact reason why I didn't want kids with my husband. I am his second wife, He already had two of his own and really I didn't want to make his feel pushed aside.

My opinion might not be a popular one but here it is: the stepdaughter is being made to feel like a burden. I get the parents need sleep but maybe they can make time with the dad's daughter to work as well. Are the mom and dad. Sleeping 24/7 during the weekend? At least have the daughter over and have dinner with her or go for a walk with the colicky baby together. The point that they keep canceling for their own sake and not explaining it to the daughter is going to reflect poorly on her self esteem and self value. Don't treat her like a burden you don't have time or energy for. Treat her as a part of the family, as she is.

Wow. Notice the phrasing the stepmom uses, she has a "stepdaughter who spends every other weekend at *my* home". Not "our home" not "with us", not even "with her dad", it's "at my home". The lack of welcome here is shocking. Babies get colic, parents get tired, and they still have to be parents. Yes, it's not ideal being tired, but you're still being parents to your other three kids, why would it be okay for you to cancel on your stepkid? She still needs her father. Even when he's sleep deprived and holding a colicky baby, he's still her father too, and the 3 kids in "my husband and I have 3 kids" are her younger siblings, not her replacements. Yes, You are totally TA, as is your husband.

The thing that gets me is that she views them as 'visits'. They're not visits, they are 'her being home'. Think about it this way: if your teen child lives with you full time, would you kick them out so you have more time with your baby? I understand that having the step daughter at their home would take more energy, having a teen in the house always does, even if they can occupy themselves. But they SHOULD be there, this is her home too! You do not cancel those 'visits', you just explain to her that you guys can't go do anything fun because you're so tired, and you have to take naps a lot, so she will have to entertain herself more than usually. But you can still spend time together. When my mom was really busy for a period when I was a teen, we would still have fun cooking together, or chatting while folding laundry together.

When she says working all day, is she saying minding the baby all day or she actually has a full time job? I'm sorry but that's what needs to give before ANY of the kids. Something doesn't add up here.

Normally these AITA posts annoy me to no end because the poster KNOWS they were not in the wrong, but oh BOY does this woman lack self awareness. She got called out by a literal child and ran to Reddit for validation. I'm glad she didn't get it. That poor girl is going to stop WANTING to spend time with her dad in a few years simply by aging out into being a teenager. That is going to happen MUCH sooner if she keeps getting pushed to the side like this. If it hasn't started already.

This is so sad, this child is hurt and probably feels like she's being left behind by her dad for his "new" family! Also it is literally impossible to "catch up on sleep" if you try to sleep longer tonight because you slept very little lastnight you just end up feeling worse from too much sleep.

I hope ur current kids grow up and ignore yall in return LMAOO 💀 don't tear away a child's time with her parent. Ur a gremlin.

How awful. Can you imagine being punished for something someone else did? Punished the teen because the 4 month old is colicky. I supposed in 4 years, you will take the keys from her because the 4 year old spilled ice cream in the backseat? YTA!!!

I thought I had it bad, going to visit my dad every other weekend only to have him ignore me to watch sports the whole time. At least he didn't tell me not to come at all because he wanted to sleep instead.

They do not realize they would have a lot of help with the 2 and 4 year if the step daughter was there and they wouldn't even have to ask her to do anything, she would be gladly to do it on her own, not only do she want to spend time with her dad she also wants to play and spend time with her siblings, be a big sister, who doesn't love to play with kids, especially your brother and sisters.

Stepdaughter said it more bluntly (or dramatically) than most adults would, but that's as typical for age 13 as crying a lot is for age 4 months. From an adult perspective, the "yet they keep having more" thing is a bit of a cheap shot--if the first two happened to be easy babies, the stepmother might legitimately not have realized how much harder it was going to be--but again, the kid's 13; there's only so mature you can expect her to be about a genuinely hurtful situation. And nothing the stepmother is saying in her own defense is actually exculpatory: they really have let the 13-y-o drop entirely off their priority list in order to "catch up on sleep," and she isn't even claiming they tried any *other* solutions first.

I have SO many questions! Why is SHE taking responsibility/involved with HIS parenting time. Why isn't HE cancelling, if that's what is going to happen for the weekend? If she wants to sleep on the weekends, what's that got to do with her stepdaughter? For that matter, HOW are they catching up on sleep if the problem is the BABY?

I have very low expectations of step parents. Don't get in the way of the relationship, don't resent the child, and be a half decent role model even if you don't be a parent. Prioritizing the young children that you see daily over a teenager you see a couple of days per month is not actually bad. However, encouraging the dad to do the same is. He absolutely does owe the child something, and needs to suck it up and find a way to spend time with his daughter regardless.

Everything in stepmom's post was "I" did this and "I" decided that. Not really any "we" decided. It's telling. I absolutely believe this is stepmom wanting to separate her husband's oldest from what she considers the "real" family. I hope the ex takes him to court and gets more money for child support, and I definitely hope they stop having children because they're clearly in over their heads.

I feel like ESH in this situation. Ultimately I think more info is required. Does the 13 year old expect to go on a trip each visit? Does she complain about the noise? Have the dad and step mom been integrating the 13 year old up to now? This step mom sounds exhausted but def an A**hole move to ‘cancel’ the visits. However, the comments seem WAAAY over the top. Not all babies are the same. Some are really easy and some are colicky for a period which means they’re uncomfortable and babies only have limited ways to express their emotions. The 13 year could have expressed herself better. It’s pretty bold to announce to the world that her father and step parent ‘can’t take care of the kids they have…’. Perhaps letting her spend some quality time with the baby so she can see first hand that care is not always pleasant, sometimes it’s just riding the storm. In-Laws are a**holes for not trying to understand the situation better and likely making the situation worse.

Get help with the baby. That is where the issue is. This has been handled so badly now you will be doing damage control for a while. Such a shame because there are so many ways this could have brought the family together instead. Not high hopes for these folks as parents. Best to learn from this and not repeat the fiasco again. Ever.

I do agree she's TA. I just don't get why OP doesn't sleep while the dad spends time with his daughter every other weekend and then when he gets back from spending time with his daughter OP can take care of the other kids so he can catch up on sleep. Sometimes that's how it has to be taking turns with the kids so each of you can take a turn resting. Also it is weird OP said she was the one canceling the time not the father. It's also weird that the first thing they jumped to was canceling visits instead of alternating resting. That was the first solution I came up with and I came up with it in like 10 seconds

Isn't anybody concern about the attitude the stepdaughter has towards her stepmom? I also have three kids, and I've been neglected by my dad because of my step siblings for far more than she is complaining about, but the lack of empathy she shows towards her stepmom is concerning, suddenly a teenager has no better plan to do instead of being with dad? And what about all the attention she is gaining because of her comments? Who is teaching her that getting attention on social media while trashing her family is ok? I wonder if she is even involved with her step siblings or is she just there to be served? How on earth are you a good, loving, fun, present parent while on sleep deprivation? A few weeks would've definitely help them gain some strength to be back to normal. Don't we all make sacrifices for our family? Couldn't this be an opportunity for her to learn to put someone else's needs on top of hers for a bit of time? As a loving sacrifice not a routine expectation of course...

In the fourth panel, the op mentions "I canceled the weekend" which screams a lot. It was NOT "we" canceled, I'd bet she pops a child to keep him attached to her. The first wife (assuming he was married before) didn't keep getting pregnant every 15 monthes to hook him to be there. Birth control was practiced better or the woman had more brains than this one. Whatever, she controls the household and more the man, this could be a whole different story had she used the 13 y.o. as an indentured slave to get caught up on sleep as she 'apparently' did with the in-laws (mentioned in panel 8) who now stopped helping them ALTOGETHER. Go figure? That fact also screams what an unpleasant person she is. The grandparents seem to care about the older granddaughter and support her feelings somewhat. Not enough details there to be saying more.

Maybe that's gonna be unpopular opinion, but I can't blame the mother with a 4 month baby, and 2 kids younger then 5, that she is exhausted, and needs sleep. Sleep deprivation takes your thinking away. However I do blame the father for not stepping up, and I do blame the mother of that girl, that she didn't bring this issue to their attention. No wonder that woman stopped updating on reddit, it looks like too much hate and judgment were thrown her way