Personality traits, abilities, likes and dislikes, our belief system and moral code as well as the things that motivate us, all these things contribute to our unique identity.

But one woman, who recently became a mother, feels that, unfortunately, other people see her solely as a parent.

Reddit user Ihatemyburthday was upset when her thirtieth came around and she was greeted only with gifts for her baby. Even worse, those that she didn’t even need.

However, after the party guests noticed her sadness, they accused the new mom of being ungrateful and selfish.

The woman couldn’t make sense of the whole situation, so she turned to the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ subreddit, asking its members to share their impartial opinions.

This new mom was really excited about her 30th birthday, but it turned into a huge disappointment

Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)

When she unpacked her presents and saw just a bunch of baby clothes

Image credits: rawpixel (not the actual photo)

Some people make it pretty far in life without giving their identity too much thought, so the question ‘does a strong sense of self really make a difference’ seems reasonable.

But according to Erika Myers, a licensed professional counselor in Bend, Oregon, it absolutely does.

“Having a well-developed sense of self is hugely beneficial in helping us make choices in life,” Myers said. “From something as small as favorite foods to larger concerns like personal values, knowing what comes from our own self versus what comes from others allows us to live authentically.”

Self-knowledge helps to accept your entire self, both the traits you’re proud of and those you’d like to get rid of. If you do feel dissatisfied with certain aspects of yourself, you’ll have an easier time addressing those areas when you have an accurate understanding of your nature and abilities.

But if your attempts at self-expression earn criticism or punishment from parents, friends, or someone else, you might start ignoring your internal sense of self—it may seem safer and more beneficial to reshape yourself into someone more easily accepted.

And while there’s nothing wrong with accommodating others from time to time, your decisions should, for the most part, primarily benefit your health and well-being.

People think the mom had every reason to be upset

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