Child-Free Woman Hit With Over $3K Contribution Demand For 4 Y.O.’s Birthday Bash
Interview With ExpertBeing charitable, helpful, and kind are all wonderful attributes. However, there’s a balance to all things. Just because you earn more doesn’t mean that you should be funding everything your social circle wants. There are common sense boundaries to what others should ask of you.
One anonymous woman went viral on Mumsnet and in the media after asking for advice regarding a spot of delicate news. She opened up about how a friend of hers subtly asked her to contribute £3k (just over $3.8k or nearly €3.5k) to her daughter’s 4th birthday party. Scroll down for the full story and to see how the internet reacted.
Bored Panda reached out to Max Alberhasky, Ph.D., for his perspective on asking for contributions for parties and what to do if parents want to organize birthdays with a limited budget. He was kind enough to shed some light on our questions. Alberhasky is an assistant professor of Marketing at California State University Long Beach and the author of the ‘Psychology, Money, and Happiness’ blog on Psychology Today.
Kids’ birthday parties typically don’t break the bank. However, some folks go all out and combine various celebrations into one lavish event
Image credits: ImageSourceCur (not the actual photo)
One woman asked for the internet’s advice after sharing how her friend asked her to ‘contribute’ a ton of money to her daughter’s party
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: QuantumLinhenykus
Asking others for money for a birthday party can be considered taboo
According to Alberhasky, directly asking for money for a birthday party would be considered a social norm violation. “Discussing, and especially asking, others for money is considered taboo in most cases. The social norm for birthdays is not to directly give money to the person but rather to bring them a birthday gift,” the author of the ‘Psychology, Money, and Happiness’ blog explained to Bored Panda.
“Oftentimes, people will even go to lengths to get a gift receipt (rather than a normal receipt with the price) or remove the price tag from the gift to obscure how much money the gift cost. Invitations usually mention ‘no gifts please’ or ‘gifts are appreciated’ to signal to guests what the etiquette is for this particular party.”
He noted that asking a friend for a 4-figure contribution to fund a party is akin to “stewing the drama pot on a reality TV series.” He added, “If you need to ask for money to fund your birthday party, then you should consider bringing it down a notch and throwing a party that’s comfortably within your budget.”
We asked Alberhasky what parents could do about organizing birthday parties for their kids if they have limited budgets. After all, many of us want to make our family and friends happy. But for some families, money is really tight in this economy.
He told Bored Panda that we have to consider the opportunity cost of our actions. Put simply, it means that if spend our money and time on one thing, these resources can’t be spent on something else. “If throwing a lavish birthday party is going to make buying gas and groceries difficult for the month, then plan a party that is more budget-friendly. Nobody will look down on you for hosting a birthday party at your home, a restaurant, or a public park, which can be quite affordable,” he advised.
Alberhasky stressed that if you’re invited to a fancy party but have a limited budget, you should consider how important attending the event is. “Sometimes, kids invite everyone in their class to birthday parties, and you don’t have to feel pressure to go if you’re not particularly close to the person. If your child’s best friend is having a birthday party, it might be worth trying to make it work,” he shared.
“The strength of the relationship matters, and spending money on a party you don’t want to go to just because you were invited might not make sense for your financial situation.”
Image credits: Artem Saranin (not the actual photo)
The average birthday party isn’t anywhere in the range that was planned by the mom
A survey conducted by What To Expect, a pregnancy and parenting site, found that, on average, parents in the US spend $314 (just over £247) per party. Meanwhile, a fifth of parents fork over more than $500 (nearly £393) per party.
The average party has 9 guest kids in attendance. Meanwhile, the parents themselves have a lot of stress to deal with. The top two sources of anxiety for them include the clean-up and actually getting the guests to confirm their attendance.
Millennial mothers spend more than Generation Z moms. And, naturally, younger kids’ birthdays are generally less costly than older children’s parties. A lot will depend on your income, lifestyle, and expectations.
Generally speaking, children’s birthday parties do not cost thousands of pounds/dollars/insert your favorite currency. The odds are that you’ll have a more down-to-earth budget. You won’t splurge as much as someone who is incredibly well-off, has a massive income stream, and boasts huge investment portfolios.
However, when you start mixing and matching occasions, the cost of everything can balloon pretty quickly. In this particular case, the author explained that her friend doesn’t just want to celebrate her kid’s birthday. She also wants it to coincide with her return to London party. Hence the mind-bogglingly lavish drinks party at a swanky place in Central London.
Image credits: Tairon Fernandez (not the actual photo)
Inviting your friends to an expensive event and then asking them to pitch in with cash can send the wrong signals
Now, look, we’re not going to tell anyone how they should and should not party. Life’s too short not to celebrate whenever you can. That being said, it’s a bit odd to have such different occasions celebrated in a very adult-focused venue.
On top of that, if money seems to be an issue (and it might be if you’re asking your friends for contributions), it might be healthier to slow down, sit down, and rethink your budget.
If money is tight—and there’s no shame in that, many families in the UK and the US are struggling—then you don’t need champagne, catering, and a venue that’ll cost you the moon. And if money isn’t an issue, well then, why ask your friends to fund the event?
Asking for cash contributions is very different from asking for gifts for a birthday party. The latter is widely socially acceptable (and already implied!). The former is bound to raise some eyebrows, though, as the guest is generally expected to finance the party if they’re in charge of organizing it.
Image credits:Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
In this economy, many families find themselves worrying about bills and cutting back on expenses
A recent survey conducted by the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia found that nearly a third of Americans who earn between $100,000 and $149,999 per year are actually worried about paying their bills over the next 12 months.
A similar number of Americans earning over $150,000 are also feeling serious financial pressure and are anxious about their bills.
Across the pond in the United Kingdom, many families are having to readjust how they spent their hard-earned cash in the past few years. In March 2024, The Guardian reported that 6.7 million Brits were facing financial trouble, with more and more households pushed into debt.
What is the most lavish birthday party that you’ve ever been to, dear Pandas? How much money would you be willing to contribute to a friend’s kid’s party if they hinted at it?
What would you have done if you were in the story author’s shoes? If you have a spare moment, we’d love to hear your thoughts on everything. Feel free to share your opinions in the comments.
The story quickly spread across the internet. Here’s what some internet users said after reading it
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Even if she IS having financial problems... (take a deep breath and say it with me) DON'T THROW A MULTI THOUSAND POUND PARTY FOR A TODDLER!!!!!!!!
Most people have little or no memory of their early childhood, so you are not even 'creating memories'. An.insane idea to spend such a ridiculous amount, and
Load More Replies...I'm 60, and I'd be happy with cake & pizza for my own birthday party.
Load More Replies...This "child's party" is an excuse for a "moms party" and hoping her friend will foot the bill for expensive hangover-free hooch is ridiculous. Is kiddo going to have a My Little Pony ice sculpture centerpiece? Doubt it. The majority of cost is for mommy and friends not birthday girl. Just like with weddings, when there's a chance someone else might open their wallet, expenses get out of hand pretty quick. One can have an amazing 4th birthday get-together for 1/10th the cost that entitled mom is fishing for...but if you have no shame and don't care about losing OP as a friend, then there's no harm in asking...
I’ve had amazing parties for 1/50th of what she’s asking. Insane
Load More Replies...A bit to unpack there. One - the utter responsibility of that much booze at a CHILD’s bday party ( or any, for that matter). Two - dropping that much money on a child’s party, in any case. Three - having the gall to ask for that much money for something that isn’t an emergency. I can’t even… and am now worried about the child’s welfare, in general.
Didn't see her ask once. Assuming some1 is asking & them actually asking r 2 dif stories
Load More Replies...So wait, OP's friend is planning on getting her fellow moms all liquored up? I hope they're taking taxis home with theirs kids afterwards.
So she's turning her small child's birthday party into a p**s-up. How incredibly irresponsible!
This Kardashian c**p needs to go away. People need to get real, seriously, people can't afford to feed themselves!! And this moron is wanting money for a birthday party? Is she also expecting an Hermès bag too?
This party is not for the child. This party is for the mothers to get drunk and stuff their mouths with expensive food that is not app for a child’s party. And all on someone else’s bill!
At least Mum gave OP an out with "Let me know if you want to contribute!" instead of "Here's how much your share of the bill is." Seriously, though, 4K on a kid's party is ludicrous.
Yes, the headline and poll are misleading. The friend didnt ask for $3000, they said it would be that much and theyre open to contributions. Of course thats a lot for a kids party, but the OP is not on the hook for it
Load More Replies...In the UK there is an insane culture of providing the best party for your children, it's not universal but it happens at a lot of schools. So many parents feel the pressure of having to keep up with others that they end up spending ridiculous amounts of money. This is on another level though, just because OP.is CF and the godmother, does not mean that she is responsible for buying expensive alcohol.
How do sloshed parents help a child enjoy their birthday party? If you're going to spend three grand on a "best" party for your child, wouldn't you be renting bouncy castles and ponies and hiring a caterer to make gold-dusted truffle chocolate cupcakes, hand-cranked Tahitian vanilla ice cream, caviar and lobster pizza topped with Caciocavallo Podolico cheese (made from the milk of the rare Podolica cow that grazes upon aromatic herbs and grasses) and saffron-infused panko-breaded nuggets from Javanese Ayam Cemani chickens hand-butchered by virgin priestesses and fried in Moroccan argan oil? Hire the Trinity Boys Choir to sing Baby Shark and Happy Birthday? Hire Phil "Wizard" Kim to do a breakdancing performance? Make chocolate milk with Valhrona chocolate? Is the party for the mum or the kid?
Load More Replies...This is wrong on many levels. If the parents are getting drunk on thousands of pounds worth of champagne, who is looking after the kids? If she wants £3k for a fourth birthday, how much for a fifth, tenth, eighteenth? This is not a kids party, this is showing off to her friends - at someone elses expense
Wondering what she did in the end. Who else is getting fed up with stories that have the last few chapters missing?
me i so wanna know the outcome of the stories to ;)
Load More Replies...Is she Cuban?? Lol no offense to Cubans but my Cuban neighbours do this for their daughter every year. Pig roast, tons of booze (like 50 bottles of liquor no joke) and beer and wine. For her 3rd birthday she was asleep before they even did the cake which they woke her up for. Ridiculous but hey, as a neighbour I love the party once a year since we get to hang out, drink, and eat
That's a party to make all the friends & family want to come. We used to BBQ & hav beer & all that but it never came to nothing like 3k
Load More Replies...She just wants to brag about how well off she is. This is typical instagram behaviour. Her problem though, is that she is not that well off. So now she is trying to make you her piggy bank. I would seriously consider if this is a friendship worth keeping. Edit for those living in denmark. Its 26271kr
How about Canadian dollars? I know it used to cost me about 50 to 60 of those for a child's party. Pizza, chips and pop from the grocery store, and I made the cake.
Load More Replies...My kids' birthday parties used to cost me about 30/50€, including prizes for games. Of course, the moms got coffee, tea or soft drinks, not booze (not a good idea to get moms drunk in the afternoon!), but everyone had a good time.
It's a party for a CHILD. Why is there ANY alcohol? Can these adults not go a few hours without booze?
3k for a child party? This sounds more like a adult alcoholic party to me. And even then asking 3K from a friend makes me wonder how much that person would pay herself for her alcoholparty. It sounds more like a "the friend has to pay for everything" to me.
I don't think my parents ever payed more than 100€ for a birthday party for us as kids. Pizza, cake and games is all you need.
Uhhhhh, why would the other parents attending a short, afternoon party with their small children need $3k of booze? Even if they want to drink, I can't imagine them getting hangover-level smashed in front of their toddlers. This mom is either setting herself up for disappointment (when each parent has one or two drinks max and then look at her like they need to call CPS), needs new friends, if they'd all be willing to get wasted at a toddler party bacchanal, or is going to be pocketing the money for something else and is lying.
"Cheap alcohol" doesnt give you a hang over... your own bad habits and lack of hydration and self control do. Full. Stop.
A party for adults to get smashed to celebrate a 4 year-olds's birth?????? I bet the mother also demands people give HER a gift for giving birth
Bring a small gift for the child, nothing else! You don’t ask your invited guest for money and if you can’t afford your planned party….plan differently! Should be simple, right?
What the hell kind of child's bday party is this? Just an excuse for the adults to party!
I am worried about the child. The mom obviously sees her child's birthday as an excuse for a wild adult alcohol party. She could try focusing on what the child actually would want on her birthday. Also, mom is not really a friend to the OP.
Never have I attended a child's birthday party where alcohol was served. I am kind of hoping that most parents wouldn't drink and drive with their children in the car. And no, I wouldn't give that woman any money. That's insane. Edited to add: as I was wandering away it dawned on me that she thinks that expensive alcohol doesn't cause hangovers. I feel the need to perform a science experiment, who's in? 😂
I don't do alcohol, but you'll probably want a designated driver. I'll bring pizza.
Load More Replies...I mean, don’t give anything would be my first advice. But I get that you might feel you feel you should/are in a difficult position, so you could always ask something along the lines of “oh, ok maybe I can spare something. How much are the other attendees giving?” then if she follows up with a figure, drop a bit lower as you aren’t bringing a kid.
no one seems to be addressing the fact that this mom intends to be drinking enough to worry about a hangover?? Alcohol at a child's birthday party? Seriously, this mom seems neglectful and does not care about her, or other's, children. Not to mention all those perky other moms driving their precious ones home after drinking.
ONLY thing thats important is that the child has a great time with friends. This party needs to be dialed way, way down. Lots of alcohol, NO! Parents talking with each other during the whole party? NO! Spend extra time with your child making sure they know they're special. I had 3 kids in the 80s and nineties, and most of their parties cost less than $50. We didn't have very much money back then. But they loved it, and so did we.
Oh the drama lol...I make just about everything for any party I'm having. I'm on a budget, too so I make sure I have a budget first. I make the decor, food, snacks and drinks - non alcohol. Everyone brings something and it's waaay better than this woman's party. What no strippers?!?? That's all she's missing. She can spring for champagne, then she can pay for her own party. The nerve!
Lady is nuts. You don’t have a party you can’t afford. Serving hard liquor at a kid party? So smart putting those people on the road with kids in the car. The mom is as dumb as a bag of rocks. Beer, wine, kids food & juice. The parents want to remember their kids being happy and running around. Let them get sauced on their own time and dime. Get a nice toy and help supervise. That’s all you have to do.
And be careful about quantities on the beer & wine. One can get just as drunk on those as on hard liquor, just takes more effort and volume of beverage (on the plus side of that, maybe a little built-in hydration? (smile)).
Load More Replies...That party has nothing to do with the child at all. Buy the child a gift and let her know you don’t feel comfortable paying for adults to have a party. You don’t mind helping some with the child however children don’t drink
I'm a Boomer. When I was a kid, parents provided cake, Ice cream, soda and a few games to play with small prizes. Guests were expected to bring a gift for the child. I'm child-free so never had to have any. But $3K for a 4-year-old's party is ridiculous, and asking a friend to contribute that money is WAY over the top. I say just decline the invitation and be done with it.
DON'T give her any money towards the kids party. You don't need to give a reason why. Buy the kid a gift, period. If Mom gets upset then she isn't a friend.
Cake, sandwiches, party games, punch... do the whole thing for less than $100.
Not a hope. Mother just wants to show off in front of her friends - probably seen too much celebrities birthday parties lol. This is about little child who is only 4 , not about bunch blondies to impress their Instagram FB pages !!! If godmother would give money, then every year would be expected such genioriosity. Wait how much would be priced sweet 16?!!
I had a rule for my children's parties, whatever was served they can have. So no alcohol. Its about the cbild...
First that sounds more like an adult party than a childs. Second, I wouldnt give her a penny. I'd BUY the child a gift or 2. Third, it's starting to make sense why she was made the Godmother. This so called mom sounds selfish, taking away from a childs party to make sure her friends have fun. She'd be an ex friend in no time bc this is insane and she's clearly using her. Smh if this child's mother, (I use that term lightly bc she doesnt sound like a mother), has anything, it's the audacity!!!! This child, this 4 year old child, is not gonna care about the price of the party! Get over yourself lady! You shouldn't be asking anyone to contribute over 3k for a birthday that's more like an adult get together.
She would make more money if she worked full time not part time. Where's baby daddy?? Don't give her a dime. Get a gift and call it a day. I also agree that's why she made you Godmother so she could use you as an ATM.
... 1. It is insane to make child party into alcohol drink party. Don't even pay any for this ! 2. Outrageous is the words in here. Just throw out that "friend" from contact, I hope she don't know your home address either 3. Asking money so absurd like that means she will keep asking money to you, and believe me, this will getting worse if you fulfil her this kind of demand. so better deny this and any money request from her. 4. If you feels bad no matter what, Just tell her you can only give average support 4 try old birthday party $100. Any more "upgrade" should be her own choice and responsibilities.
exactly that n if this is at 4 imagine the 16th one omg second mortgage needed lol
Load More Replies...I 've been to that awful party more than once. A party with a theme could be done very well with eighty bucks. It's not for the adults, and I want it to be easy to clean up and done.
Literally all you need is pizza and cake and something simple and fun like a bouncy house. Good times.
Sorry touchy phone - Unless you or I missed something she didn't even mention anything for the child's party, 'she' wants a pricy adult party for her and her mom friends funded by you ( are you even invited to this proposed shindig that you are theoretically to fund). If she can't fund this , she's got the world's biggest set of balls expecting you to. I could see a reasonable chip in for your goddaughters party, but no, I would give this a hard, hard pass, if you were a guy we'd call her a gold digger - against a friend hmm entitled starts with a B ends with an H and a twit for even thinking this proposal should be considered by anyone including you. Take your goddaughter out for something she wants to do instead of even considering this crass idea
you state that you don't know if your friend is having money problems so that could be why she's asking. NEWS FLASH: if you're having money troubles then you don't throw your child a 3000 pound (that's almost 4000 in USD) birthday party.
Don't contribute, don't attend and lose the needy friend quickly, this isn't the last time you will be expected to pay the bill.
Instead of contributing money to an over price party the kid won't remember set up a trust fund and put the money into to that. Each birthday contribute more so when child is 21 one they have a nice little nest egg.
Contribute only what you would contribute if the cost of the party was reasonable. (And it would be perfectly fine if that was zero. You're a guest, not a venture capitalist.)
Why is no one addressing the fact that this mom and her friends of small children apparently plan to get drunk with small children around? Are they also planning to drive said children home while drunk? Don't know what the laws are where op is from but that can't be good no matter where u live
When my grandson was young we had his birthday at our local park. Someone would bring drinks, someone else would bring food, I would usually bring a cake. My daughter would invite her friends who also had kids. All the kids had a good time. And it didn't cost any near that kind of money.
How is it appropriate to plan a lot of alcohol for a kids party? You ain't here to get wasted but be with the kiddos and make sure THEY have a memorable time!
You have a financial target on your back and your "friend" is aiming for you. She thinks she can guilt you into "contributing" to your god-daughter's birthday party, because you "don't have to worry about money!" Sounds like she doesn't have to worry about it either as long as she gets other's to just give it to her. I was raised to spend only what I have. If I have $100 then my budget is $100! I don't buy something that costs $300 and then expect someone else to "contribute" the difference. With that being said, are these other mothers going to be driving their children home after this 4 y.o.'s birthday party "drunk fest?" That's very concerning to me and it should be to the mother hosting the party.
What kind of s****y mom's are going to bring their small children to a party they're going to get drunk enough to have a hangover?? Like, nah... This is an adult party plain and simple. Kids birthday's are typically spent at least watching the kids since there are specific activities centered around the children. That woman's poor kid is going to be neglected on her birthday. And I spent $250 on my kid's 4th birthday. Went all out with the rock and gem theme. People were talking about how fun and creative for years. That woman is delusional.
She wants to show off in front of her friends, child party is just an excuse. Even if she really wanted to spend everything on kid, no person in their right mind will spend so much on party, especially if they have financial problems.
I'd be concerhedcabout future parties... if this one is £3,000 what is next year's or the ones after when the kid is older and now spoiled, and demanding more? A 4 year old just wants to spend time playing, eat some pizza and a soft drink. Organize some games. If the parents want to participate fine, get more pizza and tell them to BYOB, most would be happy to do that.
I think you forgot the cake and ice-cream 🙂 The adults attending can have the same plus coffee/tea... Not appropriate to be consuming booze at a pre-schooler's party.
Load More Replies...This chick has lost her mind. She wants a champagne party on a beer budget. She doesn't want a party for her kid, she wants a party for adults and people are gonna be stupid and get drunk. Don't do it.
Nobody should be drinking so much at a four year old's birthday party that they have to plan against hangovers.
NTA. The so-called "friend" is a user. The first clue is that she uses a 4-year-old child as an excuse to throw an extravagant party for adults so she can show off. As someone else mentioned, we know why Op was chosen as godmother. Op needs to reassess that friendship and her title of godmother.
Hmmm, our parties were always BYO when it came to alcohol. You want to drink then you pay and bring it. Mind you I am a non drinker by choice. Though we would usually buy some beers but spirits usually BYO. Poor kid though as everyone can see it is not for the child as should be cake, drinks, food some entertainment etc, but no just wants money for alcohol . Am sick of people who earn less than someone else always expecting others who earn more to foot the bill for them. I have been through this and now do not really have friends as do not trust people any more.
it's the mothers choice to ask, the people she should be asking are the mums who will apparently be under the influence when it is time to take their children home. It is OP's choice to say no. No, is a complete sentence. when my daughter had her 4th birthday her little brother had his 2nd birthday so they each had a couple of friends come over, we ate pizza and cake and because it was February we watched some cartoon videos and the kids played with whatever. Because money was tight pizza and cake were made at home. The kids drank juice and the moms had tea or coffee. None of the kids remember that day. After they started school and therefore had other friends they had their own birthday parties. Pizza, cake, and juice where still the foods of choice.
I'd be surprised if the total cost for my wedding reception (OK, this was back in 1995 and we were intentionally keeping it low-key BECAUSE THAT WAS WHAT WE COULD AFFORD) was that much, and I'm reasonably sure that people who were 32 and 25 at the time would remember it MUCH better than a 4yo will remember watching Mummy and her friends getting plastered at what's supposedly the child's party. OP hopefully has the backbone to resist the madness and Mummy desperately needs to learn the phrase "live within MY means".
OP came up with the perfect answer! "I'll bring (birthday girl" a lovely cake."
Anyone thinking thia party is for her kid is either wonderfully nieve or has had head trauma. The kid is a prop nothing more. And this woman needs psychological help.
My daughter got a whole a*s horse for her birthday in 2023. A horse trailer in 2024. We still didn't hit $3000 either of those birthdays.
Locally, a child invites one guest for each year of age (four year old invites four friends). Typical party is simple snacks and cupcakes, each with its own candle. Party games. I encourage parents to stay and bribe them with strawberry daiquiris. Total cost less than $100.
For 3000 she can rent a petting zoo, an entertainment brigade, and a bouncy house.
In a house full of children probably aged between 2 and 6, the adults should ALL be sober! Anything can happen from rough play breaking a bone or a toddler choking! Children and alcohol are an absolute no no!
Adults can drink responsibly. As a child free person it is also not my responsibility to forgo drinking because your kids are there. It’s why I don’t have them.
Load More Replies...OP tell her NO! If you cave and pay, you will be expected to pay for every event, b-days, graduations, everything. A godmother is in the event a parent passes away, they take responsibility of raising the child in the faith of the parent. Does the mother take the child to church, every Sunday? Are you part of the child's religious upbringing? Mother seems to have confused godmother with sucker.
For adults. (who hopefully have the brains to make suitable arrangements to make sure no one who isn't sober drives), fine. When the adults are responsible for the safety (and transportation!) of young children, this has "disaster" all over it.
Load More Replies...It's on her if she allows herself to be used this way. I wish a friend would have the audacity to ask me for 3k for any party. That would be the end of that friendship and me being a godparent.
I don't see a "demand", the mother just asked if she wanted to chip in. Story feels overblown.
The deluded mother should be ashamed for even asking...
Load More Replies...There is nothing lucky about being child free and having only yourself to depend upon to create a future where you can reasonably live and pay your debts it's outrageous to suggest someone spend that kind of money unless they are a multi millionaire and even then what kind of a.hole would grift of them like that?
Um if your only idea of having children is to have a so called safety net for when you are older then you don't need children. Children are to love. They don't owe you anything as they didn't have a choice in being made. That being said I would never think of having kids just to saddle them with taking care of me when older. So outdated. You know what us childfree individuals rely on.....the money we saved for later in life. Not to mention most kids don't want to have to take care of their parents in elderly age and they don't have to
Load More Replies...Again this bvllshit, Why does it matter that the woman is "childfree"? How does that affect anything? Some moron asked a woman to contribute 3,000 pounds for a four year old's birthday. Who gives a flying f**k how many kids that woman has? Idjit.
The point was the friend assumes the OP has disposable income to put toward this joke of a party because she does not have children. And because the OP is child free she was asking if this was somehow normal since she doesn’t have a frame of reference.
Load More Replies...Even if she IS having financial problems... (take a deep breath and say it with me) DON'T THROW A MULTI THOUSAND POUND PARTY FOR A TODDLER!!!!!!!!
Most people have little or no memory of their early childhood, so you are not even 'creating memories'. An.insane idea to spend such a ridiculous amount, and
Load More Replies...I'm 60, and I'd be happy with cake & pizza for my own birthday party.
Load More Replies...This "child's party" is an excuse for a "moms party" and hoping her friend will foot the bill for expensive hangover-free hooch is ridiculous. Is kiddo going to have a My Little Pony ice sculpture centerpiece? Doubt it. The majority of cost is for mommy and friends not birthday girl. Just like with weddings, when there's a chance someone else might open their wallet, expenses get out of hand pretty quick. One can have an amazing 4th birthday get-together for 1/10th the cost that entitled mom is fishing for...but if you have no shame and don't care about losing OP as a friend, then there's no harm in asking...
I’ve had amazing parties for 1/50th of what she’s asking. Insane
Load More Replies...A bit to unpack there. One - the utter responsibility of that much booze at a CHILD’s bday party ( or any, for that matter). Two - dropping that much money on a child’s party, in any case. Three - having the gall to ask for that much money for something that isn’t an emergency. I can’t even… and am now worried about the child’s welfare, in general.
Didn't see her ask once. Assuming some1 is asking & them actually asking r 2 dif stories
Load More Replies...So wait, OP's friend is planning on getting her fellow moms all liquored up? I hope they're taking taxis home with theirs kids afterwards.
So she's turning her small child's birthday party into a p**s-up. How incredibly irresponsible!
This Kardashian c**p needs to go away. People need to get real, seriously, people can't afford to feed themselves!! And this moron is wanting money for a birthday party? Is she also expecting an Hermès bag too?
This party is not for the child. This party is for the mothers to get drunk and stuff their mouths with expensive food that is not app for a child’s party. And all on someone else’s bill!
At least Mum gave OP an out with "Let me know if you want to contribute!" instead of "Here's how much your share of the bill is." Seriously, though, 4K on a kid's party is ludicrous.
Yes, the headline and poll are misleading. The friend didnt ask for $3000, they said it would be that much and theyre open to contributions. Of course thats a lot for a kids party, but the OP is not on the hook for it
Load More Replies...In the UK there is an insane culture of providing the best party for your children, it's not universal but it happens at a lot of schools. So many parents feel the pressure of having to keep up with others that they end up spending ridiculous amounts of money. This is on another level though, just because OP.is CF and the godmother, does not mean that she is responsible for buying expensive alcohol.
How do sloshed parents help a child enjoy their birthday party? If you're going to spend three grand on a "best" party for your child, wouldn't you be renting bouncy castles and ponies and hiring a caterer to make gold-dusted truffle chocolate cupcakes, hand-cranked Tahitian vanilla ice cream, caviar and lobster pizza topped with Caciocavallo Podolico cheese (made from the milk of the rare Podolica cow that grazes upon aromatic herbs and grasses) and saffron-infused panko-breaded nuggets from Javanese Ayam Cemani chickens hand-butchered by virgin priestesses and fried in Moroccan argan oil? Hire the Trinity Boys Choir to sing Baby Shark and Happy Birthday? Hire Phil "Wizard" Kim to do a breakdancing performance? Make chocolate milk with Valhrona chocolate? Is the party for the mum or the kid?
Load More Replies...This is wrong on many levels. If the parents are getting drunk on thousands of pounds worth of champagne, who is looking after the kids? If she wants £3k for a fourth birthday, how much for a fifth, tenth, eighteenth? This is not a kids party, this is showing off to her friends - at someone elses expense
Wondering what she did in the end. Who else is getting fed up with stories that have the last few chapters missing?
me i so wanna know the outcome of the stories to ;)
Load More Replies...Is she Cuban?? Lol no offense to Cubans but my Cuban neighbours do this for their daughter every year. Pig roast, tons of booze (like 50 bottles of liquor no joke) and beer and wine. For her 3rd birthday she was asleep before they even did the cake which they woke her up for. Ridiculous but hey, as a neighbour I love the party once a year since we get to hang out, drink, and eat
That's a party to make all the friends & family want to come. We used to BBQ & hav beer & all that but it never came to nothing like 3k
Load More Replies...She just wants to brag about how well off she is. This is typical instagram behaviour. Her problem though, is that she is not that well off. So now she is trying to make you her piggy bank. I would seriously consider if this is a friendship worth keeping. Edit for those living in denmark. Its 26271kr
How about Canadian dollars? I know it used to cost me about 50 to 60 of those for a child's party. Pizza, chips and pop from the grocery store, and I made the cake.
Load More Replies...My kids' birthday parties used to cost me about 30/50€, including prizes for games. Of course, the moms got coffee, tea or soft drinks, not booze (not a good idea to get moms drunk in the afternoon!), but everyone had a good time.
It's a party for a CHILD. Why is there ANY alcohol? Can these adults not go a few hours without booze?
3k for a child party? This sounds more like a adult alcoholic party to me. And even then asking 3K from a friend makes me wonder how much that person would pay herself for her alcoholparty. It sounds more like a "the friend has to pay for everything" to me.
I don't think my parents ever payed more than 100€ for a birthday party for us as kids. Pizza, cake and games is all you need.
Uhhhhh, why would the other parents attending a short, afternoon party with their small children need $3k of booze? Even if they want to drink, I can't imagine them getting hangover-level smashed in front of their toddlers. This mom is either setting herself up for disappointment (when each parent has one or two drinks max and then look at her like they need to call CPS), needs new friends, if they'd all be willing to get wasted at a toddler party bacchanal, or is going to be pocketing the money for something else and is lying.
"Cheap alcohol" doesnt give you a hang over... your own bad habits and lack of hydration and self control do. Full. Stop.
A party for adults to get smashed to celebrate a 4 year-olds's birth?????? I bet the mother also demands people give HER a gift for giving birth
Bring a small gift for the child, nothing else! You don’t ask your invited guest for money and if you can’t afford your planned party….plan differently! Should be simple, right?
What the hell kind of child's bday party is this? Just an excuse for the adults to party!
I am worried about the child. The mom obviously sees her child's birthday as an excuse for a wild adult alcohol party. She could try focusing on what the child actually would want on her birthday. Also, mom is not really a friend to the OP.
Never have I attended a child's birthday party where alcohol was served. I am kind of hoping that most parents wouldn't drink and drive with their children in the car. And no, I wouldn't give that woman any money. That's insane. Edited to add: as I was wandering away it dawned on me that she thinks that expensive alcohol doesn't cause hangovers. I feel the need to perform a science experiment, who's in? 😂
I don't do alcohol, but you'll probably want a designated driver. I'll bring pizza.
Load More Replies...I mean, don’t give anything would be my first advice. But I get that you might feel you feel you should/are in a difficult position, so you could always ask something along the lines of “oh, ok maybe I can spare something. How much are the other attendees giving?” then if she follows up with a figure, drop a bit lower as you aren’t bringing a kid.
no one seems to be addressing the fact that this mom intends to be drinking enough to worry about a hangover?? Alcohol at a child's birthday party? Seriously, this mom seems neglectful and does not care about her, or other's, children. Not to mention all those perky other moms driving their precious ones home after drinking.
ONLY thing thats important is that the child has a great time with friends. This party needs to be dialed way, way down. Lots of alcohol, NO! Parents talking with each other during the whole party? NO! Spend extra time with your child making sure they know they're special. I had 3 kids in the 80s and nineties, and most of their parties cost less than $50. We didn't have very much money back then. But they loved it, and so did we.
Oh the drama lol...I make just about everything for any party I'm having. I'm on a budget, too so I make sure I have a budget first. I make the decor, food, snacks and drinks - non alcohol. Everyone brings something and it's waaay better than this woman's party. What no strippers?!?? That's all she's missing. She can spring for champagne, then she can pay for her own party. The nerve!
Lady is nuts. You don’t have a party you can’t afford. Serving hard liquor at a kid party? So smart putting those people on the road with kids in the car. The mom is as dumb as a bag of rocks. Beer, wine, kids food & juice. The parents want to remember their kids being happy and running around. Let them get sauced on their own time and dime. Get a nice toy and help supervise. That’s all you have to do.
And be careful about quantities on the beer & wine. One can get just as drunk on those as on hard liquor, just takes more effort and volume of beverage (on the plus side of that, maybe a little built-in hydration? (smile)).
Load More Replies...That party has nothing to do with the child at all. Buy the child a gift and let her know you don’t feel comfortable paying for adults to have a party. You don’t mind helping some with the child however children don’t drink
I'm a Boomer. When I was a kid, parents provided cake, Ice cream, soda and a few games to play with small prizes. Guests were expected to bring a gift for the child. I'm child-free so never had to have any. But $3K for a 4-year-old's party is ridiculous, and asking a friend to contribute that money is WAY over the top. I say just decline the invitation and be done with it.
DON'T give her any money towards the kids party. You don't need to give a reason why. Buy the kid a gift, period. If Mom gets upset then she isn't a friend.
Cake, sandwiches, party games, punch... do the whole thing for less than $100.
Not a hope. Mother just wants to show off in front of her friends - probably seen too much celebrities birthday parties lol. This is about little child who is only 4 , not about bunch blondies to impress their Instagram FB pages !!! If godmother would give money, then every year would be expected such genioriosity. Wait how much would be priced sweet 16?!!
I had a rule for my children's parties, whatever was served they can have. So no alcohol. Its about the cbild...
First that sounds more like an adult party than a childs. Second, I wouldnt give her a penny. I'd BUY the child a gift or 2. Third, it's starting to make sense why she was made the Godmother. This so called mom sounds selfish, taking away from a childs party to make sure her friends have fun. She'd be an ex friend in no time bc this is insane and she's clearly using her. Smh if this child's mother, (I use that term lightly bc she doesnt sound like a mother), has anything, it's the audacity!!!! This child, this 4 year old child, is not gonna care about the price of the party! Get over yourself lady! You shouldn't be asking anyone to contribute over 3k for a birthday that's more like an adult get together.
She would make more money if she worked full time not part time. Where's baby daddy?? Don't give her a dime. Get a gift and call it a day. I also agree that's why she made you Godmother so she could use you as an ATM.
... 1. It is insane to make child party into alcohol drink party. Don't even pay any for this ! 2. Outrageous is the words in here. Just throw out that "friend" from contact, I hope she don't know your home address either 3. Asking money so absurd like that means she will keep asking money to you, and believe me, this will getting worse if you fulfil her this kind of demand. so better deny this and any money request from her. 4. If you feels bad no matter what, Just tell her you can only give average support 4 try old birthday party $100. Any more "upgrade" should be her own choice and responsibilities.
exactly that n if this is at 4 imagine the 16th one omg second mortgage needed lol
Load More Replies...I 've been to that awful party more than once. A party with a theme could be done very well with eighty bucks. It's not for the adults, and I want it to be easy to clean up and done.
Literally all you need is pizza and cake and something simple and fun like a bouncy house. Good times.
Sorry touchy phone - Unless you or I missed something she didn't even mention anything for the child's party, 'she' wants a pricy adult party for her and her mom friends funded by you ( are you even invited to this proposed shindig that you are theoretically to fund). If she can't fund this , she's got the world's biggest set of balls expecting you to. I could see a reasonable chip in for your goddaughters party, but no, I would give this a hard, hard pass, if you were a guy we'd call her a gold digger - against a friend hmm entitled starts with a B ends with an H and a twit for even thinking this proposal should be considered by anyone including you. Take your goddaughter out for something she wants to do instead of even considering this crass idea
you state that you don't know if your friend is having money problems so that could be why she's asking. NEWS FLASH: if you're having money troubles then you don't throw your child a 3000 pound (that's almost 4000 in USD) birthday party.
Don't contribute, don't attend and lose the needy friend quickly, this isn't the last time you will be expected to pay the bill.
Instead of contributing money to an over price party the kid won't remember set up a trust fund and put the money into to that. Each birthday contribute more so when child is 21 one they have a nice little nest egg.
Contribute only what you would contribute if the cost of the party was reasonable. (And it would be perfectly fine if that was zero. You're a guest, not a venture capitalist.)
Why is no one addressing the fact that this mom and her friends of small children apparently plan to get drunk with small children around? Are they also planning to drive said children home while drunk? Don't know what the laws are where op is from but that can't be good no matter where u live
When my grandson was young we had his birthday at our local park. Someone would bring drinks, someone else would bring food, I would usually bring a cake. My daughter would invite her friends who also had kids. All the kids had a good time. And it didn't cost any near that kind of money.
How is it appropriate to plan a lot of alcohol for a kids party? You ain't here to get wasted but be with the kiddos and make sure THEY have a memorable time!
You have a financial target on your back and your "friend" is aiming for you. She thinks she can guilt you into "contributing" to your god-daughter's birthday party, because you "don't have to worry about money!" Sounds like she doesn't have to worry about it either as long as she gets other's to just give it to her. I was raised to spend only what I have. If I have $100 then my budget is $100! I don't buy something that costs $300 and then expect someone else to "contribute" the difference. With that being said, are these other mothers going to be driving their children home after this 4 y.o.'s birthday party "drunk fest?" That's very concerning to me and it should be to the mother hosting the party.
What kind of s****y mom's are going to bring their small children to a party they're going to get drunk enough to have a hangover?? Like, nah... This is an adult party plain and simple. Kids birthday's are typically spent at least watching the kids since there are specific activities centered around the children. That woman's poor kid is going to be neglected on her birthday. And I spent $250 on my kid's 4th birthday. Went all out with the rock and gem theme. People were talking about how fun and creative for years. That woman is delusional.
She wants to show off in front of her friends, child party is just an excuse. Even if she really wanted to spend everything on kid, no person in their right mind will spend so much on party, especially if they have financial problems.
I'd be concerhedcabout future parties... if this one is £3,000 what is next year's or the ones after when the kid is older and now spoiled, and demanding more? A 4 year old just wants to spend time playing, eat some pizza and a soft drink. Organize some games. If the parents want to participate fine, get more pizza and tell them to BYOB, most would be happy to do that.
I think you forgot the cake and ice-cream 🙂 The adults attending can have the same plus coffee/tea... Not appropriate to be consuming booze at a pre-schooler's party.
Load More Replies...This chick has lost her mind. She wants a champagne party on a beer budget. She doesn't want a party for her kid, she wants a party for adults and people are gonna be stupid and get drunk. Don't do it.
Nobody should be drinking so much at a four year old's birthday party that they have to plan against hangovers.
NTA. The so-called "friend" is a user. The first clue is that she uses a 4-year-old child as an excuse to throw an extravagant party for adults so she can show off. As someone else mentioned, we know why Op was chosen as godmother. Op needs to reassess that friendship and her title of godmother.
Hmmm, our parties were always BYO when it came to alcohol. You want to drink then you pay and bring it. Mind you I am a non drinker by choice. Though we would usually buy some beers but spirits usually BYO. Poor kid though as everyone can see it is not for the child as should be cake, drinks, food some entertainment etc, but no just wants money for alcohol . Am sick of people who earn less than someone else always expecting others who earn more to foot the bill for them. I have been through this and now do not really have friends as do not trust people any more.
it's the mothers choice to ask, the people she should be asking are the mums who will apparently be under the influence when it is time to take their children home. It is OP's choice to say no. No, is a complete sentence. when my daughter had her 4th birthday her little brother had his 2nd birthday so they each had a couple of friends come over, we ate pizza and cake and because it was February we watched some cartoon videos and the kids played with whatever. Because money was tight pizza and cake were made at home. The kids drank juice and the moms had tea or coffee. None of the kids remember that day. After they started school and therefore had other friends they had their own birthday parties. Pizza, cake, and juice where still the foods of choice.
I'd be surprised if the total cost for my wedding reception (OK, this was back in 1995 and we were intentionally keeping it low-key BECAUSE THAT WAS WHAT WE COULD AFFORD) was that much, and I'm reasonably sure that people who were 32 and 25 at the time would remember it MUCH better than a 4yo will remember watching Mummy and her friends getting plastered at what's supposedly the child's party. OP hopefully has the backbone to resist the madness and Mummy desperately needs to learn the phrase "live within MY means".
OP came up with the perfect answer! "I'll bring (birthday girl" a lovely cake."
Anyone thinking thia party is for her kid is either wonderfully nieve or has had head trauma. The kid is a prop nothing more. And this woman needs psychological help.
My daughter got a whole a*s horse for her birthday in 2023. A horse trailer in 2024. We still didn't hit $3000 either of those birthdays.
Locally, a child invites one guest for each year of age (four year old invites four friends). Typical party is simple snacks and cupcakes, each with its own candle. Party games. I encourage parents to stay and bribe them with strawberry daiquiris. Total cost less than $100.
For 3000 she can rent a petting zoo, an entertainment brigade, and a bouncy house.
In a house full of children probably aged between 2 and 6, the adults should ALL be sober! Anything can happen from rough play breaking a bone or a toddler choking! Children and alcohol are an absolute no no!
Adults can drink responsibly. As a child free person it is also not my responsibility to forgo drinking because your kids are there. It’s why I don’t have them.
Load More Replies...OP tell her NO! If you cave and pay, you will be expected to pay for every event, b-days, graduations, everything. A godmother is in the event a parent passes away, they take responsibility of raising the child in the faith of the parent. Does the mother take the child to church, every Sunday? Are you part of the child's religious upbringing? Mother seems to have confused godmother with sucker.
For adults. (who hopefully have the brains to make suitable arrangements to make sure no one who isn't sober drives), fine. When the adults are responsible for the safety (and transportation!) of young children, this has "disaster" all over it.
Load More Replies...It's on her if she allows herself to be used this way. I wish a friend would have the audacity to ask me for 3k for any party. That would be the end of that friendship and me being a godparent.
I don't see a "demand", the mother just asked if she wanted to chip in. Story feels overblown.
The deluded mother should be ashamed for even asking...
Load More Replies...There is nothing lucky about being child free and having only yourself to depend upon to create a future where you can reasonably live and pay your debts it's outrageous to suggest someone spend that kind of money unless they are a multi millionaire and even then what kind of a.hole would grift of them like that?
Um if your only idea of having children is to have a so called safety net for when you are older then you don't need children. Children are to love. They don't owe you anything as they didn't have a choice in being made. That being said I would never think of having kids just to saddle them with taking care of me when older. So outdated. You know what us childfree individuals rely on.....the money we saved for later in life. Not to mention most kids don't want to have to take care of their parents in elderly age and they don't have to
Load More Replies...Again this bvllshit, Why does it matter that the woman is "childfree"? How does that affect anything? Some moron asked a woman to contribute 3,000 pounds for a four year old's birthday. Who gives a flying f**k how many kids that woman has? Idjit.
The point was the friend assumes the OP has disposable income to put toward this joke of a party because she does not have children. And because the OP is child free she was asking if this was somehow normal since she doesn’t have a frame of reference.
Load More Replies...
44
187