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People Are Sharing Their Worst Decisions In Their Long Lives And Here Are 30 Of Them
Interview With Expert
Unfortunately, life isn’t like a video game—you can’t reload an earlier save file whenever you make a big blunder. Whatever failures and successes you face, you have to learn to live with them and their consequences, no matter how awful or great. Some mistakes are easier to come to terms with. But others can haunt you even years or decades later.
Today, we’re featuring some older internet users’ sincere and vulnerable thoughts about their top regrets from their youth, which they shared in an online thread. Scroll down to read about their experiences and warnings, some of which might be very relatable.
Bored Panda reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, for her thoughts on how we can all make better life decisions, plus how someone can feel less guilty about not having made the most of one's youth. You'll find the advice she shared with us below. Wellman is the founder of Four Thousand Mondays and the author of You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Not quitting alcohol is #1. I feel that if I could have quit drinking earlier in my life, there would have been no 2 or 3. To anyone who fights that beast. I wish you strength and love if you struggle.
Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
I went to rehab when I was 22- mainly for drinking and I am 38 now and haven't gotten drunk since. I've had A drink on my birthday but that's it. I think I was more in a very bad emotional place and that's the only time alcohol is dangerous to me. If I start feeling so bad I want to self destruct. I'm much happier without it despite my life taking an extreme downward spiral in other ways since then. I am thankful I don't drink anymore because I wonder how much worse things would have gotten.
Another Panda 10 months ago
Addictions are difficult. They are not a character weakness; I hope OP has been able to move away from it.
Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
Sometimes I drive by bars and liquor stores, especially in Podunk little areas and think "I wonder how many lives that specific establishment has destroyed by default" because they sold the one bottle that made someone ruin their life
"One of the best ways to feel confident about a decision is to get clear in advance about what we really want and need. Sometimes we get swept up in the excitement of an opportunity, or overwhelmed with an avalanche of info and data, and it's easy to lose sight of our actual goals and vision," Wellman, the founder of Four Thousand Mondays, told Bored Panda via email.
"Get anchored in what makes you happy. Sit down and write about what you'd like your next 5 years to look like." She urged everyone to get in touch with their values, namely, the things that matter the most to you in life. These can be anything, from family and health to achievement, financial security, accuracy, creativity, and beyond.
"It's hard to make a bad decision if it aligns with our values, vision, and dreams," Wellman said.
RELATED:
#2
Dropping out of college because of my parents' marital problems.
Putting loyalty to a boss above other career considerations.
Not saving enough money.
HTakeover 10 months ago
Only a good boss. But like experience, it usually takes a bad one to recognize a truly good one. I've been fortunate to have a couple over the years, the kind that fight for what's right, stand up for their subordinates. But they're rare.
Load More Replies... Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
I dropped out because my mother convinced me I was a waste of money. She wanted me to come home and work as the receptionist for her new hair salon. I did. And then I got a nail tech apprenticeship under her so we could do manicures and pedicures and I really enjoyed it. I had a large elderly clientele and started making her a lot of money even though I was only taking 10% of my earnings (plus $10 an hour) and 10% sales commission for products. She never let me take the state exam to get my license and made me go on unemployment after my son was born. Then when I was enrolled at University of Phoenix to get my teaching degree, I was locked out of my FAFSA account because she set it up and wouldn't help me at all so I couldn't pay for it. I quit trying after that. I found some letters from my original professors from my freshman year at college inviting me to join the English department and that I was doing really well in those classes. I'm so mad at myself for letting her dictate and control my life. She controlled a lot of decisions but they were still my decisions. Now that I'm distanced from her, I see how badly I caved to her every whim. And my life has spiraled into a life of complacency and it sucks. I'm trying to get out of it but I'm so depressed half the time it feels like a mountain to get up and clean the house. It's pathetic. Don't listen to your parents when they tell you one thing your entire life (go to college!) and then convince you to drop out. Also YES DAD I WOULD LOVE TO STILL BE WORKING AT TARGET RIGHT NOW! I started at 15 and would be making bank by now. There's no shame in working your way up in a decent corporation that treats its employees well. I wish I had considered that as an option as well.
Roland Nijveld 10 months ago
My first job was 1 day as a truck cleaner when I was 14. Guy screwed me over with the pay and since then I'm aware how much of d**k bosses can be
#3
I would say, marrying my first husband and marrying my second husband should be the top two, but if I hadn't married them, I wouldn't have ended up in CA where I met my now-husband. We've been happily married almost 40 years. The truth is that the bad choices often put us on a path that will lead to the best choices.
Marcellus II 10 months ago
Good judgement comes from experience, and most of my experience comes from terrible judgement.
Jackie Lulu 10 months ago
That's why I don't regret a couple of poor decisions; they put me in the right place.
Barbara Deskins 10 months ago
as crappy as parts of my life were, I would change nothing because it all put me in the place I needed be to conceive my daughter. I would go through everything again for her
"Psychologist Barry Schwartz talks about the benefit of 'satisficing' when we make decisions—making a good decision with thought and care, but not necessarily after going through the most exhaustive research process. You might spend 15 hours researching the best hotel options for a trip (trying to 'maximize' your vacation), but you could have 'satisficed' after researching for an hour and then had just as great of a time on your holiday."
That being said, there are no such things as 'great decision guarantees.' "So it might be helpful to pre-acknowledge that you're doing your best with the information you have available at the time, and not every decision will be a winner. We're allowed a lot of gimmes in this life, thankfully."
Bored Panda also asked Wellman what advice she'd give an older person who might feel guilty about not having taken full advantage of their youth. "The most insightful research on regrets reveals that our 'paths not taken' can haunt us as we age—the regrets of omission, the 'coulda shoulda wouldas.' The regrets of commission—the things we did and wished we hadn't—don't tend to bother us as much," she said.
"A helpful exercise can be the deathbed regret visualization. If you were on death's door, what 'paths not taken' would make you feel pangs of regret? I call those 'pre-grets' because they aren't regrets yet... we can still course-correct them. It's not too late to learn how to speak French... to go back to school... to become a painter... to travel to the Galapagos... the list goes on. Get in touch with regrets in the making and take one action to prevent it."
If you're curious about how many more Monday mornings you have left, feel free to use the calculator on the Four Thousand Mondays website. It might give you the motivation you need to make the most of life.
#4
Looking back, some of the worst decisions I made were staying in toxic relationships for too long, ignoring my mental health until it became overwhelming, and not taking risks when I had the chance to pursue my passions. Each of those choices shifted my path in ways I regret, but they also taught me valuable lessons about self-respect and growth.
DennyS (denzoren) 10 months ago
That "not taking risks when I had the chance to pursue my passions" really hits me hard.
sagerose 10 months ago
I hope you got the help you needed and got out of the relationship. :(
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B 10 months ago
After a long term relationship and then a marriage (both of which ended with my then-partners being unfaithful while I was working to support them) I finally met my current best friend and soul mate. I'm almost 60. Never think your life is over because a relationship failed. Get over it, move on. Better things could be just around the corner.
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
As a now 60 yr old woman who got married at 18 to a wife beating pos I didn’t know this till we where married he was 12 yrs older than me ! I took it for 6 mths when I found out I was pregnant n he killed my baby punching me till now the hell im still alive f**k knows I lived on the streets cos back then it was safer than being a punching bag ! I met someone else who I told what I’d been thru did he hit me no WORSE mentally abused me for 14 yrs I never saw that coming that destroyed me I did remarry but my insecurities after two kids at 35-39 n 12 yrs killed that I’ve been alone 13 yrs now and you know what I love it despite being disabled now being a lone mum is so much better safer my three regrets are one getting married so young two making the same mistake and three not telling my father as killed my mother I loathed him sooner ! And letting him blame me for my mum dying when I was 8 mths old when it was him all along my kids are the best thing as happened to me ❤️
Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
I think it's great to be alone and I'm glad you realized that about yourself as well. We don't need a partner to make us happy and if we can't be alone and happy it's unlikely someone else will be able to make us happy. And too many people can lure you into a false sense of security and not show their true colors until you are locked in. I'm glad things are better for you now and sorry you went through all that 😔
Load More Replies... #5
1. Not leaving an emotionally [controlling] partner before we had children.
2. Not having at least one more child (I wanted 3-4, but only had two).
3. Not recognizing how beautiful I was when I was young, but instead allowing my self-consciousness to intimidate me internally.
Kare Deter 10 months ago
When I was young I was obsessed with looks. By the time I hit 30 I would look in the mirror, pick myself apart and then take control of it with an inner voice that would say "in 10 years you'll WISH you looked this good!" and well... that voice was not wrong! It helped a lot in accepting myself for who I am.
Black Cat 10 months ago
It's a woman talking about her regrets, of course it is from a woman's perspective.
Load More Replies... #6
Not learning about managing money at an early age
Not getting a second opinion about medical diagnoses
Assuming people have the best intentions and common sense.
B 10 months ago
Common sense has become a mutation, a rare superpower. So few have it these days.
BWC 10 months ago
Common sense and a healthy sense of skepticism can take oneself far.
Load More Replies...Broadly speaking, there are a few things that are always a good idea to focus on no matter what age you are. They’re things that most of us wish we had given more attention to earlier, but like they say, though the best time to start was yesterday, the second best time is today. You will never regret prioritizing your physical and mental health, as well as the meaningful relationships with your loved ones.
Sleep more, drink more water, eat more nutritious food, spend time with people you like, be out in nature, and get more exercise. Meanwhile, stay away from alcohol, nicotine, processed foods, and extremely negative people who constantly stress you out—you know the drill by now.
It’s also a good idea to think about your retirement as early as you can. A part of this means learning to balance your budget so you consistently earn more, spend less, save more, and have more freedom to invest your hard-earned cash. This doesn’t mean just cutting back on your expenses but also finding ways to earn more money without exhausting yourself or impacting your relationships. That might mean applying to better jobs or picking up a small side hustle.
#7
1. Choosing the wrong university (should've gone to a state school)
2. Not 'reading the signs' that my ex-fiance was cheating from day one
3. Listening to the doctors who told me I couldn't get my tubes tied at 20, because I'd 'change my mind' (I'd known since I was five that I **never** wanted kids).
OhCheeseNFingRice replied:
"Number three pisses me off so much. I hate that even today, women so often aren't allowed to advocate for themselves in opting for child-free lives. Of course, once a woman has a child, they'll most often say, 'I'm so glad my doctor didn't let me choose that,' because we're not monsters and can fully love, adore, and raise children that we didn't want in the first place. But that doesn't mean that our lives would've been any less happy had we gotten what we asked for and didn't have kids."
zububonsai 10 months ago
As someone F who always wanted (and has) kids, this pisses me off on your behalf, as well. Who are these doctors to dictate you your choices? 😡
Papa 10 months ago
I will of course agree that women should be able to get their tubes tied if they want, but as 63-year old looking back, how many of us made decisions at 20 that we regretted later?
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KombatBunni 10 months ago
When my daughter told me she’s never having kids I was fine with it. I said I’d even take her to get her tubes tied if that’s what she wanted and I’d fight any doctor who said no
Joy Chapman 10 months ago
And what monster scars her children by saying, "I never wanted children, I wish you had never been born." We are FORCED to be positive about having children.
Guess Undheit 10 months ago
Mengeles that refuse women's medical care should be reported to medical boards (a big black mark on their record) and publicly named and shamed.
Caramello 10 months ago
#3 bothers me as well and it was sad to learn the other day that even my wife was convinced you were not allowed to have your tubes tied before age 30. She and her sister both thought it was a law until I pointed out otherwise. Sometimes being a women means dealing with so much stigma and lies to navigate in just making a decision for yourself.
#8
Worst is when i couldn't get my husband to go to the ER with covid. I asked and asked, but he said he would be fine. I should have just called an ambulance. He died early that next morning. I found him, and it broke my heart. Cried for 2 years.
The best is not listening to my family tell me I shouldn't marry someone much younger than I am. My grown kids are not happy. I sold my house and I'm ready to do something for myself. They will come around when they see how happy we are. The bonus for them is they won't be responsible for me when I'm old.
Jackie Lulu 10 months ago
I am 10 years older than my husband . WE have been happily married for 45 years.
Lila Allen 10 months ago
6 years older than mine. Happily married for 16 years
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Lowrider 56 10 months ago
On Jan25 I went to the ER because I was very, very sick with the flu.My wife more or less forced me to go. Dr said had I waited one more day, i would've died. Just released from hospital earlier today.
#9
1. Refusing to visit a dying friend in the hospital (because I was afraid I wouldn't have anything to say or I would say the wrong thing).
2. Moving to, and living in, Hawaii for 14 years.
3. Relapsing after 44 years of sobriety (although I'm sober again).
Deborah 10 months ago
Never be afraid to visit a dying friend. Just being there is often more important than words.
Noyfb noyfb 10 months ago
Hold tight to that sobriety, friend. 44 years won’t save you, but 24 hours of faith, gratitude and compassion can.
No matter how smart, strategic, efficient, and careful you are, you will—inevitably!—make mistakes in life. There’s just no getting around this fact. How you react to failure, however, can tell everyone a lot about you, like your character, values, resilience, and general outlook on life.
It’s natural to be upset when something doesn’t work out the way you expected it would, but if you fall apart at the smallest inconveniences, you’ll have a hard time going through life. On the flip side, embracing unfavorable outcomes and circumstances can put you at an advantage. When you see failure as a learning opportunity and a way to prepare better for future challenges, you (potentially) end up stronger in the end.
Not getting that one dream job that you spent weeks or months applying to might eventually lead to better opportunities with an awesome workplace culture and higher wages. The end of one romantic relationship can create space for you to get more in tune with your wants, needs, and boundaries. And even if you mess up that all-important presentation at college or your office, that might just be the push you need to sign up for a public speaking course to gain more confidence. In many cases, there’s a silver lining.
#10
1. In November 1989 I was with the West German press corps in Warsaw and they all tore off to Berlin and said the Berlin Wall was gonna fall. I laughed and stayed put. A few hours later I watched it all on TV in a s****y Warsaw bar and drank half a bottle of vodka while crying and laughing at the same time. Needless to say my US newspaper fired me.
2. Buying an apartment in Berlin in 1990 sure that prices would skyrocket. They didn't. Left Germany for Austria in 1996. Put the apt on the market and it sat empty with no callers for 2 years. Sold it at 30% less than what I paid for it in 1999. Today it's worth 4 times what I paid.
3. Way back in 1968 when I was 18 I started uni in the US and was told by my English prof I should be a writer. My family told me that was stupid and should go into advertising. Which I did for 18 years and hated it. Finally started writing what I wanted to at 36. Bernard Malamud wrote in The Natural: 'each of us has two lives. There's the life we learn with and the life we live with after that.'.
Yayheterogeneity 10 months ago
It's a journey into the unknown. Each step takes us further either to our destiny or away from it. Look back with kindness on your younger self.
#11
1. Trying to win my father’s approval
2. Breaking Beth McConnell’s heart at summer camp
3. That first line of crystal m**h.
PeterandKelsey replied:
"Can we find Beth McConnell somewhere? Let's have a reconciliation!"
Interesting_Air_1844 replied:
"There's nothing I'd like more than to apologize to her for being so cruel. I was just a kid, though (this was around 1977 or 1978), and the thing that's incredibly stupid is that I really liked her. I found some old letters from my fellow campers, in which scolded me for ruining the poor girl's entire summer. All these years later, I still can't forgive myself. I've Googled her name a few times over the years, but never found her..."
Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
That first line of cocaine did me in... Twice in my life. Never again.
#12
Taking loans out of my 401k #1
Having kids before being financially stable #2
Believing what others said I was incapable of #3
#3 hurts the most the others I was able to overcome or live with.
I wanted to be a Lawyer. I was one of the kids in my school that was filmed smoking pot on the side of a school we were all forced to counseling.
When I told my Guidance Counselor I wanted to be a Lawyer when it was time to sign up for college She told me I wasn't smart enough. I left defeated. Didn't have parents to talk to so I believed her.
In years since I have won law cases for myself and my sister and one friend...with zero training.
Always believe in YOU and go for what you want in life no MATTER what!
Max Fox 10 months ago
Nobody is actually "financially stable". You have kids if you can support kids. Waiting until you have a pension and a home means that you'll probably be too old to raise kids. We had a kid late, but we weren't financially stable. We were always able to pay for what we needed to raise our kid, but we only were financially stable when they were in their late teens.
Child of the Stars 10 months ago
Becoming a parent forced me to learn financial literacy because it wasn't all about me anymore. I don't know that I would call myself stable right now, but I work a more stable job, I'm in school, and I've even managed to save around $1000. For a spendthrift recovering alcoholic who couldn't hold a job longer than 6 months in her 20s, I'm pretty proud of that.
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AnaBanana 10 months ago
When I was in high school, I missed 2 consecutive weeks of school. Due to this, I had to go to the "bad kids" school for a semester. This is where the kids who missed lots of school went, some of which trouble makers. I remember a guidance counselor there meeting one on one with each of us to see how we were doing. Overall I was a good student (As and Bs), never had gotten into trouble, and wanted to go into psychology at the time. I remember telling this guidance counselor that I wanted to be a Psychologist as an adult and she pretty much told me that I would never be able to achieve that because she assumed I was a bad student. It pissed me off. Instead of encouraging these students who probably had a bad home life and really no support to be the best they could be, she was doing the opposite. Needless to say I didn't end up becoming a psychologist, but not because of what she told me, it just wasn't for me. Her words though stuck with me.
Renée Parry 10 months ago
I was told l wasn't smart enough to be a vet nurse. I was in a school ran by nuns for " naughty children" l had no support at all. Ive had alot of s****y jobs that wrecked my body and have left me empty and poor.
However, some experiences are going to be devastating no matter how resilient you think you are. In those cases, you should try to rely on your social support network more and seek a mental health expert’s help to understand what happened and, hopefully, reframe it in a way that empowers you. It’s never a sign of weakness to ask for help, but nobody’s a mind-reader, so you really do need to speak up when you need a hand.
#13
1. marrying my first husband
2. prioritizing work over more important things
3. allowing toxic people to stay in my life far too long.
#14
Nothing really ended up for the worse but the worst decisions I've made:
1. Stopped caring about school in high school. I was on the Stanford/MIT track. Ended up with a great career anyway but I was just planning for more, that's all. Due to circumstances I ended up putting myself through community college while working full time and then finishing out at a great state school after I already had what is still my career decades later.
2. Giving up a dream job in a dream city because I'd have to live an hour away from my boyfriend and I knew that would end the relationship. In retrospect, if an hour commute was a dealbreaker the relationship sucked.
3. Rob, and everything about him.
#15
Just one for me.... waiting years and years to get treatment for depression.
I feel so much better now. I'm lucky to have survived.
kansasmagic 10 months ago
Now this one I am familiar with, but honestly it's not just you. You can't self-diagnose depression. I had two counselors at 25 (both for a short time; the first was a grad student in training, which only covered 6 sessions, and I couldn't afford the second, professional counselor). I don't "blame" the trainee, but when a graduate student comes to you and says "I don't want to do this, I don't want to do anything, nothing is interesting or fulfilling to me", you might consider a depression diagnosis...
Tom De Paul 10 months ago
Yes you can. I knew I was depressed. Did some research. Saw my primary care physician and told him I wanted Wellbutrin (no sexual side effects). Turned my life around. You can be the prime mover in your life. Take the reigns.
Load More Replies...What are some of the biggest regrets that you have in life, dear Pandas? Have you learned to embrace those decisions or do they still haunt you? On the flip side, what are the decisions you’ve made that you’re immeasurably proud of to this day? What do you think is the secret to making better life decisions? We’d love to hear from you! You can share your experiences in the comments below.
#16
1) Quit a community college job to raise my first child. Wish I would have continued and took advantage of tuition discount to get a medical degree.
2) Believing I was fat and ugly at 18. I was size 8, went to the gym regularly and had a head of beautiful, long curls-but I wasn’t the skinny “blond next door” model.
3) Allowed family to “borrow” funds that were not returned. I should have at least invested it in bank CD’s.
Brian Droste 10 months ago
No. 3, never lend money to family members. Never will get it back. Or sell something to them on a promise that they will pay you later. Get the money up front.
#17
My first and only marriage at 18
Staying married for 25 years
Working full-time to put husband thru law school - moving many times for this and changing jobs.
#18
My only real regret is not doing whatever was necessary to keep my college sweetheart.
I still miss her... 20+ years later.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
I regret what I did to unsuccessfully try to keep my college sweetheart. Most rewarding failure of my life.
#19
Encouraging my husband to have the surgery that killed him.
Various stupid financial decisions when we were young that left me broke with small kids when I needed financial security including not having enough life insurance.
Waiting until my weight dropped to 90 lbs before getting a feeding tube during cancer treatment. Malnutrition made my recovery much worse.
Ellinor 10 months ago
Surgery is never supposed to kill anyone. You couldn't have known, it's not your fault.
Dimp1961 10 months ago
Every surgery is a risk of death for the tiniest of reasons. I've attended enough post mortems and inquests to know
Load More Replies... #20
Listening to Dentists who wanted to “save the tooth.” Spent far too much money and wrecked my health with cracked infected teeth that just ended up being pulled regardless of what measures they tried.
Needed to put my children’s well being above being a dutiful daughter. My narcissistic parents weren’t any better at being responsible grandparents.
Letting anxiety take over, needed to just chill out and not make an already difficult situation worse.
Susie Elle 10 months ago
The dentist told my partner after he came in for a bad molar to have it removed, because it didn't affect his chewing, was out of sight and would end up a weak tooth anyway if given a root canal.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 10 months ago
This is one I didn't fall for. Had impacted wisdom teeth. Dentist suggested root canal to save the molar the wisdom tooth was impacted into. After research and talking to people who'd had root canal, and discovering that 70% of root canals eventually failed, I told him "Nah, just pull it". Definitely feel that was the right decision.
#21
1) staying as a bedside nurse for 19 years and not leaving for the pharma industry sooner
2) pulling up a patient and herniating a disc in my back
3) not living with the confidence of a 50 yr old ( why so timid when I was younger ).
Robert Larson, LPN, JD 10 months ago
Getting out of nursing is the best decision I've ever made. Thankful every day.
#22
Moving to Wisconsin. I hate Wisconsin! I moved here when I married my husband as my husband lived there. Now I am disabled and stuck here.
Hassel Davidhoff 10 months ago
I regret moving to the U.S.A There isn't much I can do about it right now without completely leaving myself destitute in middle age. So I'm stuck. For now. I have a plan to leave though, its just going to take a good while.
Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
I feel the same about Maryland. I hate it here. Wonderful place to vacation, horrible place to live. They say they have the #3 school system in the country and Connecticut is #5. Moved here in the middle of 7th grade and it was bedlam. They were learning what I learned in 4th grade and had no programs after school or anything. I stopped caring completely about school and actually hated it. I haven't been able to leave since. Too poor and it's so expensive here it is crazy.
#23
1. Being more concerned with what other people thought than what I wanted.
2. Not questioning being diagnosed with anxiety and heavily medicated for years. I didn’t get my actual diagnosis until my 50s.
3. My first marriage. At least I ended it quickly.
#24
1. Smoking. Resulted in cancer (I'm better now).
2. Spending of frivolous things when I should have been saving.
3. Marrying my ex-wife. There were plenty of red flags I ignored.
#25
1. Staying at the same job for too long.
2. Accepting family members behavior and overlooking it because they are family.
3. Rushing through things and events that I thought would always be there.
nottheactualphoto 10 months ago
Wow, a keypunch! I haven't seen one of those since the 1970s. (No, it's not a computer.)
Glen Ellyn 10 months ago
I "did time" on a keypunch. Thankfully, I was able to move on.
Load More Replies... #26
Allowing my parents so much space / interference in my life under the guise of love.
Not maintaining a healthy weight.
Not allowing myself to do me, but trying to adjust my personality to everyone else so they would all “love” me.
Brian Droste 10 months ago
2 for me. 1.Pursuing what I wanted to do and 2, started saving money earlier than I did.
#27
1. My first marriage.
2. Trusting my business partner.
3. Not learning more family history from my parents.
#28
1. Not getting grief counseling in the 80s when I lost my parents.
2. Doing too many d***s in the late 70s and early 80s and not focusing on my schooling.
3. Letting myself become a controlling a*****e when I became the boss.
Disgruntled Panda 10 months ago
This person sounds like they have learned a lot. I wish them well
Fellfromthemoon 10 months ago
I wish them well too, and I wish even more for those who served as a training wheel for this person.
Load More Replies... #29
1. Quit my job, bought a van, drove around the US, spent all my retirement money ($33K). I did the math. It would be about $450K by now.
2. Got married in Vegas to a guy I'd known for about 2 months. (Divorced 2 years later!)
3. Sold my first condo. Bought for $80K, would be worth $400K now, and paid off.
4. Bonus: Quit my good government job to go back to school for a new career, which I quit after 4 years. I'd have a 20-year pension by now, or a ton in the bank, had I stuck it out either place.
Dog Mom to Zoe 10 months ago
#1 actually sounds wonderful so maybe managing money better would have been a better way but still travel.
Aleksandras Tvardauskas 10 months ago
Feels like not doing those things would result in a list of things you regret you didn't do. You have no way of knowing what exactly would happen with you life if you would do things differently. The only one thing is for sure - you would be a different person.
Renée Parry 10 months ago (edited)
Life shouldn't be about money but the things you do in life. Look at all the things you have done. Doing the same thing so you have money later in life never works out and it's boring.
Tom De Paul 10 months ago
You seem flighty. The next time you decide to do something, WAIT. Just wait. You WILL come to a better decision.
#30
1-Developing a drinking habit at 15yo to deal with sleep issues
2- switching to benzodiazipines to deal with sleep issues that got very severe and then becoming addicted to them and they shut down my nervous system causing me to become disabled for 8 years.
3- cant post 3.
In life, it's essential to learn from both our successes and mistakes. This notion aligns perfectly with the idea that some seemingly impractical concepts can potentially make the world a better place.
As discussed in an intriguing collection of unexpected ideas, exploring unconventional paths can sometimes lead to surprising insights and improvements.
#31
Not an old person, borderline Gen X, but:
1. Putting off grad school for a relationship
2. Staying with an [violent] partner because they lost a loved one more than once
3. Not making the most of the mid 20s of my life.
#32
Not getting therapy to deal with my issues around self-esteem etc.
Not being able to let go of people (or things)
Investing in a solar panel company that scammed me out of a considerable amount of money and then went bust.
#33
1. Trusting the 'free trial' would cancel itself. 2. Cutting my own bangs. 3. Saying 'I’ll just have one drink.'.
#35
1. In 2006, when I found out my mother left my father and took all the money they had. My parents hadn't spoken to me for three years prior to that. When my father's neighbor and landlord asked me to help him, because he was in a bad way (financially) and couldn't manage on his own -- I should have told all of them to f**k all the way off. I didn't. I had to be the bigger person. In the long run, I paid for that decision. Unfortunately my family paid for it, as well.
2. 2015 -- moving my father into my house. Everything was fine and good for the first couple of years. When it went south, it went in a hurry. He made my life and my family's lives a living hell for almost three years. That's how long it took for me to get him out of my house. He had me so stressed out that my hair was falling out, I was physically ill, I was crying myself to sleep every single night. I lost so much weight from being stressed out that one of my co-workers pulled me aside one day and asked me if I had cancer or something.
3. In hindsight, I should have told my entire family to forget my name and whereabouts when I moved out of my parents house in 1997. Even back then, always trying to be the bigger person. Always trying to give people 2nd/3rd/4th chances that they didn't deserve.
I learned a valuable lesson after the hell my father put my family through. It was a hard lesson, learned a little too late. But, due to that, I'll never inconvenience myself for anyone else ever again. I don't care what anyone thinks they need from me, they're going to be SOL, because no one is getting anything from me. I had to work and sacrifice and fight for everything I have. Why should I just give away my time, my money, my property? If people don't want to associate with me or speak to me because I'm not handing out money and not running a homeless shelter, that's their problem, not mine.
#36
Joining Amway in the 90s.
Buying my best friend's AMC Gremlin in 1978.
Creating a Reddit account.
Packet Tracker 10 months ago
AMC Gremlin comment really hit home. Worst vehicle I ever owned. Spent $500 in my teenage years to have a used car for dating and working (flipping burgers at Wendy's). Piece by piece everything broke off on that car. Example: Rolling the windows up one day (rain) the window handle broke in half. Window wipers broke 15 minutes later (middle of same storm). Just one of many examples. The finale was sitting in the left turn lane at a busy intersection. Light turns green, transmission busts. Car would only go into reverse!?! No way out of the intersection other than driving backwards in the opposite lane (picture car facing opposite direction of traffic) driving in reverse for 1/2 mile until I reached a parking lot to pull into. No way to explain any of this to the other drivers cursing, honking and yelling at me as I'm just trying to get off the road. :) Good times ... and good riddance to the worst car ever built!
#37
1. Quitting my band
2. Spending money willy nilly
3. Starting a business with a crooked person.
#38
1. My first marriage to an alcoholic.
2. Investing
3. Not traveling to Europe to become an English tutor for a wealthy family because I was dating a girl.
Kare Deter 10 months ago
Investing is not a regret for me, trusting my investment advisor tho.... lost my retirement because he (a) churned my account and (b) refused / talked me out of selling when I wanted to just before that one crash where most of the companies he had me invested in went under. Somehow I missed out on the class action suit against that company because I only dealt in phone calls and had no written email proof of what he did to me. Now my retirement plan is to work until I die.
Hassel Davidhoff 10 months ago
That sounds sketchy as fück. Are you sure they were even a real investment advisor?
Load More Replies...
#39
Selling houses that I should have kept. I felt I'd always be young enough to buy there again - I was wrong. During many moves in life, I always preferred a fresh start and sold up. Now I can never again afford to buy the places I owned in the 1980s, 1990s, or even 2000s. Priced out, ending up renting in retirement - not ideal.
Jackie Lulu 10 months ago
In fairness to you, WE were always told that was the thing to do. But, it doesn't always work for everyone.
#40
Smoking
Punching my boss (bad decision, but still one of the best feelings ever)
Allowing an ex to weasel her way back into my life for just long enough mess with some potentially positive plans (I’ll never know).
#41
1. Not getting mental health support while in graduate school. I went into to my program (second best in the world) thinking I could control my worst traits but instead had a breakdown which curtailed my academic career. Also led to more problems throughout my adult life.
2. Not getting help on running my finances. For most of my life I never saved money thinking that I would start “someday” when I made more. Even worse is that while I am highly intelligent in other areas of life I am horrible when it comes to financial planning and managing spending. This has led in my life to high debt, one personal bankruptcy 20 years ago and living paycheck to paycheck even when my salary put me in the percent.
3. Not being honest with those who I cared about and who cared about me. Led to many burned bridges that can never be rebuilt.
#42
I studied stuff to pass and not learn. That's the biggest one. Other ones are not following up on my interests and procrastinating.
Kare Deter 10 months ago
I've done this. I regularly wrote 10 page papers in which I sound coherent and knowledgeable about the subject but the *SECOND* I was done with all the edits and turned it in I was like ... don't even ask me what I wrote about. I think it's in the recesses of my brain somewhere, but I process things differently (autism) so I end up knowing stuff without knowing HOW I know it.
#43
1. Like most others I stayed in a bad marriage too long. For me it was because of the kids. (Don’t regret the marriage decision because of the kids and it is why I am where I am today)
2. Not having at least one more child with my 2nd and final wife. We just ran out of time. Should have adopted
3. Making a real estate investment decision too fast. 2008 happened 18 months after and lost it all. Would be in very good financial shape if we’d just kept the cash.
#44
1. I went to live in Europe for almost two years instead of going to university. (I was short on credit and would have had to make that up first). When I returned to my parents' semi rural home my friends had all moved on, I couldn’t get a job - my European experience counted for nothing.
2. I was hired by a huge national company that would have allowed me a lot of upward promotions and a great pension. I turned it down because my SO hated them and spent the whole weekend before I was supposed to start railing against big corporations. I should have left then. But I didn’t
3. Staying with my SO during years of alcoholism, fearing a breakup of the family, figuring I could manage it and trying to maintain their dignity when they had none.
Max Fox 10 months ago
#1 is dumb. If going to Europe "ruined their life", they wouldn't have received an offer from a "Huge National Company". Moreover, I fail too see a problem with starting college at the age of 20.
Deborah 10 months ago
People start at various times for various reasons, learning is important at any age.
Load More Replies... #46
Getting married at 18 and trying to make it work for 47 years
Leaving the union and transferring to a staff job with no union
Not being more aware of my financial situation.
#47
Number one with a bullet, far exceeding any other: not pushing harder for better diagnoses as my health started to deteriorate in my mid-40s. I spent seven years getting sicker and sicker as doctors on three continents (including at two of the better hospitals in London and DC) told me it was just gastric reflux and I needed more exercise.
It turned out to be coronary artery disease that by the time it caused a tiny heart attack was at end stage. If I hadn’t been able to get immediate quad bypass surgery, I’d have been dead in a month.
The real kicker: the very first doctor I’d seen, after an episode that might have been heart, might have been digestion, recommended a test that, had my insurance and employer (I was working overseas and needed their okay) approved it, would have likely found the problem immediately. It was “experimental” at the time, but now it’s standard practice. Maddening.
Other bad decisions pale by comparison. I wish I’d lived less cautiously in some ways, paying too much attention to what unimportant people thought. And I wish that in my youth I hadn’t been so quick in cutting people off after some minor offense—I needed to learn to be more generous and forgiving, but it took time.
#48
1. First Marriage
2. Some of my past friends
3. Staying in bad jobs for too long for the money / experience.
#50
1. Moving away from family and friends (my support system.)
2. Not ending toxic relationships sooner.
3. In my youth, throwing money away on alcohol instead of saving it.
#51
1. Picking English Lit as my major.
2. Probably my first two marriages but I’ll keep the kids.
3. Not keeping my house in my second marriage.
#52
Not taking a permanent teaching job at a school I loved. Not sticking with my Technical Publishing job, even though I worked with men who didn't think women should work. And I suppose marrying my first husband, but without that marriage, I wouldn't have children or grandchildren. Bad decisions can lead to better things.
#53
Only one-becoming a teacher.
Lila Allen 10 months ago
Felt that hard... I love teaching, but if I had done anything else I'd be financially well off right now instead of paycheck to paycheck at 50. It kills me know I will never be able to financially help my kids the way my parents helped me.
#54
The only thing I can think of is spending too much money when I was younger. But that is just life experience, I guess.
I could have gone without those few years of drinking way too much and smoking. But that was stopped relatively easily (except perhaps the smoking...whew that was rough).
I guess all those horrible decisions made me the person I am today :).
#55
1. Broke up with the love of my life to pursue a career, she inhabits my dreams to this day.
2. Married a woman because I thought I should be married, divorced soon after, lost my shirt.
3. Ignored my gut and didn’t buy Apple stock in the eighties.
#56
Not standing up to my mother before she died. Majoring in flute in college, not once but twice! Making friends and staying friends with a competitive narcissist when even my children knew she was bad for me.
#57
Choosing the wrong partner and staying to long. Not switching majors and finishing school and wasting valuable time with s****y people and not buying real estate sooner.
#58
1. Leaving a well paying job because of a toxic manager.
2. Not leaving a c**p job as soon as I realised what it was. Stayed for 13 regrettable months.
3. Not listening to my parents when I was young.
#59
1. Letting my father talk me into buying that house.
2. Staying married. Should have divorced him.
3. Getting married to him. Love doesn't pay the bills.
#60
Marrying a bum, having kids with a bum, watching adult children be bums.
Best decisions: leaving bum, disowning bum jr., and only paying my own bills.
It’s never too late and time is our most precious commodity. Oh sweet freedom from bums is worth living.
#61
I’m going to go against the grain and say my biggest regret is divorcing my husband. #2 staying in a relationship for 20 years to a man I did not love.
#62
1. Letting my first relationship get as far as marriage (despite knowing I'm gay)
2. Kevin
3. Richard.
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What do you think ?
kansasmagic 10 months ago
So the secret to living a life of no regrets is to 1) skip straight to your second marriage, 2) never buy anything when young (especially anything fun), and 3) keep every piece of property you ever set foot in.
Aleksandras Tvardauskas 10 months ago
Or just accept that the mistakes you made in the past were valuable lessons that helped you to become a wiser person. You can't change the past so there is no point in wasting your energy regretting it.
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 10 months ago (edited)
One thing I've learned is to never regret mistakes or bad decisions. The fact is I needed to make those decisions and mistakes in order to learn my own boundaries, limitations, and strengths. I have a recovery friend who always says that his life fell apart perfectly. Well, mine did too. I would've seriously shortchanged myself if my life had turned out the way I thought I wanted 20 years ago.
Bec 10 months ago
Can't waste time wondering what might have been, we can only move forward
Load More Replies...
Susie Elle 10 months ago (edited)
This would've required me to be able to see into the future, but: going from relationship to relationship, even if they were all multi-year ones. I severely underestimated the value of being by myself, which I only got to experience once for a short time before I fell for someone again and went back to my old habits (which this time turned out well, so ...). Also, not pursueing art and writing earlier. I ALWAYS drew and wrote, but social media didn't exist yet, so it was extremely difficult to make a living off of it so I kinda let it go. It still is, of course, but I do feel that socials have opened helpful doors. I was early 20's when Instagram really became a thing, so it was primetime then.
ENSJ 10 months ago
1. Studying the wrong thing, never finished getting a higher degree because of it. 2. Not saving money, I live paycheck to paycheck because of living costs, but damn not being able to save is a huge mistake I know I'm going to pay for later in life. 3. Not finding another solution when my parents wouldn't let me use the car for practice. Now I have no driver's license which limits my job prospects severely. 4. Taking too long to figure out what I really want to do. Now I have no way of saving up enough money fast enough to take the necessary courses.
Beak Hookage 10 months ago
Spending such a major chunk of my life acting like a goddamn doormat, and being so naïve I put my future in the hands of people who didn't give a damn about me.
kansasmagic 10 months ago
So the secret to living a life of no regrets is to 1) skip straight to your second marriage, 2) never buy anything when young (especially anything fun), and 3) keep every piece of property you ever set foot in.
Aleksandras Tvardauskas 10 months ago
Or just accept that the mistakes you made in the past were valuable lessons that helped you to become a wiser person. You can't change the past so there is no point in wasting your energy regretting it.
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 10 months ago (edited)
One thing I've learned is to never regret mistakes or bad decisions. The fact is I needed to make those decisions and mistakes in order to learn my own boundaries, limitations, and strengths. I have a recovery friend who always says that his life fell apart perfectly. Well, mine did too. I would've seriously shortchanged myself if my life had turned out the way I thought I wanted 20 years ago.
Bec 10 months ago
Can't waste time wondering what might have been, we can only move forward
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 10 months ago (edited)
This would've required me to be able to see into the future, but: going from relationship to relationship, even if they were all multi-year ones. I severely underestimated the value of being by myself, which I only got to experience once for a short time before I fell for someone again and went back to my old habits (which this time turned out well, so ...). Also, not pursueing art and writing earlier. I ALWAYS drew and wrote, but social media didn't exist yet, so it was extremely difficult to make a living off of it so I kinda let it go. It still is, of course, but I do feel that socials have opened helpful doors. I was early 20's when Instagram really became a thing, so it was primetime then.
ENSJ 10 months ago
1. Studying the wrong thing, never finished getting a higher degree because of it. 2. Not saving money, I live paycheck to paycheck because of living costs, but damn not being able to save is a huge mistake I know I'm going to pay for later in life. 3. Not finding another solution when my parents wouldn't let me use the car for practice. Now I have no driver's license which limits my job prospects severely. 4. Taking too long to figure out what I really want to do. Now I have no way of saving up enough money fast enough to take the necessary courses.
Beak Hookage 10 months ago
Spending such a major chunk of my life acting like a goddamn doormat, and being so naïve I put my future in the hands of people who didn't give a damn about me.
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