I wrote this up because I saw Rissie comment. - I too struggle with eating disorders and fought obesity and won. I had an emotionally unavailable mom who didn't have *time* for me and tossed candy bars in my lap as she selfishly left me and eventually committed suicide. She didn't *care.* Food equals love (we are born into this world with our mothers feeding us).. so I ate a lot to find that love. I was always alone. This Dad may not give the kid a balanced diet of nutrients due to being picky.. but he's giving her *love* and cares deeply for her. We pick up eating addictions because we weren't given what we needed as kids which was love, care and time. This Dad is providing all that and more. The mom just passed. It takes time to heal and grow and which case her menu of likes will expand. Her Dad is being both parents. He's providing her the love she's missing from the mom. He's there for her. Which will probably make her feel less abandoned by her mothers death. The kid is already resilient as she survived a mothers passing. I have Borderline Personality. I didn't have anything in my childhood. No love. Nothing. And I can say this is a good dad. Being attuned to your childs needs is most important.. otherwise the child has to attune to you which becomes Complex PTSD and possibly a personality disorder if you have the genetic makeup for one. This Dad's actions are everything. It's not about the actual food as much as it is about what he's providing and showing her. *LOVE*

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But when she's not at home, and not with her dad, she can eat other things and become more resilient. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about having safe moments and bonding. But food should also be considered functional to not develop a strange relationship with it. When she's outside her home, she does not need comfort food accompanying her her whole life. I do also think that the grandparents should provide her with some of the foods she does love, but also take the opportunity of different surroundings to try new things. All these people seem like stubborn idiots only seeing one correct way. Dad is not doing what's best for his kid, grandparents aren't either.

I'm the same, and with texture too.

I work with grown men who still eat nothing but poptarts and pbj sandwiches. It is important to expand kids pallettes. You never know what they'll like. If they find that they absolutely abhor brussel sprouts, well, they never have to try brussel sprouts made that way again, but if they're made completely differently, a bite to try it won't kill them. However, right after a kids mom dies is truly the worst possible time to be doing this.

I'm a 36 year old semi-picky eater although each year I get better with more foods. Wow.... what you said makes extreme sense! I know I have an extremely sharp sense of smell and maybe I'm a super taster too? Thanks for sharing... I'm connecting the dots!

There is a reason I am willing to try new things. My mother never forced us to eat what we didn't like and gave us vitamins for the nutrients we didn't get from what we did like.

58 year old ultra picky eater here. If it looks wrong, smells wrong, tastes wrong, feels wrong, SOUNDS wrong--I can't eat it. I can't have my food touch each other too. I can't have sauces or gravies on my food; they have to be on the side and then MAYBE I will try them. I can't eat food that's all mixed together--no salads, casseroles, or stews for me. There's several kinds of conditions or food disorders that I have, but while they may ease somewhat into adulthood, they don't go away. Forcing someone to eat something they JUST CAN'T eat let alone touch or be in the same room with, is cruel and unhelpful. They may ease somewhat as one gets older (and a person's senses dull) but they never truly go away.

You are both sensitive. My granddaughter is too. Very much. Strict rules only gives eating disorders... poor child...

Ugh yes. Texture, residue of other food (for example: I can taste the residue the cucumber restaurants give you leaves on food), taste, smell…

I grew up with severe adrenal fatigue, which meant food often overwhelmed my senses. Sometimes, I would be starving but would have very little appetite. What I have learned is that it doesn't matter so much what you eat. It's that you EAT. If the only thing you can convince yourself to eat is something unhealthy, or it's the same thing you've eaten every day that week, it's better than eating nothing at all.

Exactly. I was teased by my own family, but didn’t care.

As a 6 yo I hated almost every vegetable. But I was "forced" to eat in a way that I wasn't even aware that I was forced. I could always leave part of the portion and dad would show me which part I had to eat and which part was optional. It was a psychological strategy. I almost always had something left on my plate yet still got all my nutritions and never felt "forced" because I didn't have to eat it all. I benefit from it today because even my most hated veggie (brussel sprouts) is something I LOVE today. I could eat a whole plate of them without anything on the side. I prefer any veggie over meat, fish, potatoes, rice or pasta and only eat combinations because of the nutritional value but I could live on veggies alone despite my hate as a kid. But the trick for me was that I got forced without realizing that I got forced. And believe me, just because I eat anything doesn't mean I'm not what you call a "super-taster". I taste difference in good or poor quality ingredients.

Smeller here, and it's awful when people will fuss ta me. I'm vegetarian b/c animal fat smells especially get to me ----- Iand brussel sprouts (smells like compost!)

I was forced to sit in front of a tuna fish sandwich until my mom came to pick me up from daycare. I did try it, didn't like it. This was over 35 years ago, and I still remember the smell, the taste, the texture, the bits of celery. I can't even let mayo touch my hand, let alone my food. Encouraging trying things as kids grow is fine, but never force. Your mom knew she would have been the one judged if you didn't eat when you were guests, and this can be a big deal depending on where you come from. But she would have been better just encouraging you kids to take and try small portions only when you were guests, not at every meal. People complain about the stresses of adulthood, but simple things like never having to eat something you don't like again makes adulthood way better IMO

It isn't a supertaster issue or a super-smeller issue. I have both of these traits as well and I love all veg. This is a parenting issue, not a biological one. My parents were both very big foodies and they loved vegetables. My mom made eating them exciting and fun. It's all in the framing. My dad had a particular love of spinach. He would be visibly happy all afternoon when we were going to have spinach for dinner. It never occurred to me that vegetables were something bad. I loved them all for the simple fact that my family loved them. I mean they must be good if my dad is walking around with a big smile on his face because we are having a spinach side dish! That makes a huge impact on a child's perception. I saw a show where a kid would gag when trying to eat veg. An expert came to help. The mom said she was a supertaster and was the same as her son. It turned out after testing that both were average tasters. The mom inadvertantly influenced her child to hate veg.

41 and a very picky eater! I get laughed at all the time by my boyfriend and many of my friends for it. My twin sister and father are the same way. We all only eat an extremely limited list of food. My mom eats more of a variety than any of us. When we were kids she forced us to eat stuff we hated. Now My bf asks me to try new foods almost weekly and he means well. I try it to pacifiy him like we did our mom and have yet to add any of the things I've tried to my list. I don't get why people get so twisted over someone elses food choices. This MIL sounds like a total AH willing to starve her granddaughter to make a point.

The reason I will never eat brusselsprouts again. Barfed em up when I was 4 because I had to eat "as many sprouts as I was years old". We never even made it to three. Hurled ALL over the dinner table. Last time my mom forced me.

There is no such thing as delicious brussel sprouts, it's a myth. I don't do conspiracy theories, but one, the brussel sprout thing. My mom was very picky about texture, but didn't have the "gene" for smelling the true nature of brussel sprouts. And loved it. Or so she claimed. I don't believe her, I don't believe any of them. THEY LIE FOR WORLD DOMINANCE! She never made me eat them though ;) But really, there's the real answer, don't force it, show it's there, have people try things, don't overly protect them. Dad is overprotective, grandparents are denying her the foods she likes, making them forcing new things upon her. It's not ok.

Omg yes, I’m 40 and have always been ridiculously picky.. it’s not that I just choose to be that way it’s that I physically can’t stand a ton of foods and most of it is due to textures.. nothing pisses me off more that people who say to just suck it up and stop. As if it were that easy..

I am 47 years old, am a super taster, super smeller, have several food allergies and have texture issues. As such, the rule in my house and with my children has always been: take one bite, even if it is a small one, and if you do not like it, you do not have to eat it. This way, they are at least trying new things each and every time, but they are NEVER forced to eat something they can not stand to eat. I also believe that they DO NOT have to clean their plates. Children often don't feel like eating so much, so they eat a little bit and are done. Forcing them to eat everything on their plates just contributes to obesity. So, all you people out there who force any type of food or any amount of food on a child, knock it off!!!! Thank you for letting me rant a little!

Holy smokes! Maybe that is _my_ issue? I have wondered why there are many things I absolutely find taste vomitous to me. I have actual gag reflex to mayo, mustard, avocado, or any "friends" of those items. I have issues w/various other stuff as well (e.g. brussel sprouts taste bitter and nasty to to me) but those are the most common offenders. I'm 50yo and have always been dubbed picky/difficult. People have asked me why and I have no satisfying answer...the stuff is just not good tasting or smelling to me. I never considered it could be that I have a more sensitive palate than most. I'll have to look into testing this further.

The increased sensory sensitivities is so common it has a name now. It's called Sensory Processing Disorder, and is believed to be linked to essentially a malfunction in the brain's automatic filter, the part that decides whether or not something is important enough to pay attention to. It was originally noticed in autistic children, but also can occur on its own.