Bringing a new family member into the world is extremely exciting for everyone involved. Mom and Dad’s lives are forever changed, but even aunts, uncles and grandparents tend to be thrilled about having little ones around. 

In this excitement, however, it can be challenging trying to set and understand boundaries. How involved should relatives be in the new baby’s life? Do they need to consult the parents before making any decisions that might effect the child? Below, you’ll find a story that was shared on Reddit by a mom who was frustrated with her mother-in-law’s new tattoo, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.

This woman’s mother-in-law revealed at Christmas that she had gotten a special gift for herself and her granddaughter

Image credits: David Kouakou (not the actual photo)

But when the surprise turned out to be a large tattoo, it didn’t go over very well with the family

Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

Later, the mother updated her post to clarify where she was coming from

Image credits: Zealousideal-Fact966

Many people get tattoos to honor or remember a loved one

Being a parent is never easy, so especially when welcoming your first child into the world, it can be a great help to have the support of family members. Grandparents who want to be involved, aunts and uncles who are happy to babysit and cousins who want to play can make the little one feel extremely welcomed and loved. But what happens when the parents and relatives don’t agree on how to show children love?

As it turns out, getting a tattoo to honor a loved one is actually quite common. In fact, among the one third of Americans who have a tattoo, 69% say they got their ink to remember or honor someone or something, the Pew Research Center reports. I also fall into this category, as I got my first tattoo with my mother as a Christmas gift and bonding experience, and my piece is a visual representation of the nickname she’s always gone by to family members.

According to My Caring Plan, grandparents getting tattoos for their grandchildren is not unheard of either. “These tattoos are a way to honor their love, wisdom, guidance, and the immeasurable role they play in shaping us into who we are,” My Caring Plan notes. “They serve as a reminder of the special memories, warmth, and nurturing nature that only grandmothers can provide.”

Image credits: Blasphemy4kidz (not the actual photo)

It’s even common for grandparents and grandchildren to get tattoos for one another

Some of the more popular design ideas that grandparents might get tattoos of are floral names (which sounds similar to the tattoo referenced in this story), names with birthdates, an infinity symbol, a family tree, handprints or footprints, interlocking puzzle pieces, birth flowers, a memory collage, zodiac signs, animal silhouettes, or the hands of the grandchild and grandparent holding one another.

While the grandmother in this story believed she was doing something sweet, her son and daughter-in-law perceived the tattoo quite differently. So what are parents to do when grandparents overstep their boundaries? According to clinical psychologist Michele Goldman, grandparents might overstep for a variety of reasons, including not understanding they’re doing anything wrong or not respecting the boundaries that parents have set.    

Goldman told Romper that it’s important for parents to get on the same page as their partner and communicate boundaries clearly. It can also be wise to ask for help from the grandparents at times, so they don’t feel overlooked or undervalued.

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

But when moms and dads feel that their parents or in-laws have overstepped, it’s important to communicate boundaries

As far as what grandparents should be careful not to do, it’s recommended that they don’t show up unannounced, give gifts for no reason or give extravagant gifts with no warning, post photos on social media without permission, undermine parents’ rules in front of their kids, criticize the parents in front of their kids, allow the kids to have excessive screen time, or talk about family members in a negative way in front of the kids.

As stressful as being a parent can be, it’s best to have a healthy relationship with your parents and your partner’s parents if possible. A little bit of communication can go a long way, and it’s important to remember that they probably have good intentions most of the time, whether it seems like it to you or not.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think the grandmother crossed a boundary by getting this tattoo? Or do you think the mom has overreacted? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article, we recommend one discussing even more mother and daughter-in-law drama.

Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)

Many readers explained to the mom that she was overreacting to the tattoo

However, some thought the situation could have been handled better by everyone involved

And others assured the mom that she was right to be upset 

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