I can't have kids found out when I was in my mid 20s it broke my heart. I got the news while my niece was here and was in the middle of a research project. I could have hid and worked on my project the perfect excuse. It was hard seeing her but that is on me. I put a smile on my face and when my mom offered to put them in a hotel I thought nope that's my family so I gave that little girl all the love I wish I could if I had my own.

Stay home, have an open house Christmas Eve, invite family friends whoever, have a great party, then relax Christmas day and do something you like as a household. Probably most of his ands family will come for Christmas even so you can still have them fuss over the kid, but you're setting limits on what kind of disrespect you'll tolerate in the future.

OP and husband and child should definitely start their own holiday traditions - a trip or party with good friends. Too bad that means they won't get to watch mother-in-law suffer the embarrassment of having to explain to the rest of the extended family why her son and daughter-in-law and FIRST grandchild were excluded from Christmas.

Ashley is worried that everyone will be fussing and focusing on the baby?? Did you grow up in a vacuum, Ashley? When a baby/child enters a room, they are automatically the focus and they dominate the conversation. That's what babies/children do! They are cute and cuddly and crying and throwing tantrums---all these will hold people's attention! If Ashley can't take it, then she should sit this one out. Mom probably thought Son and DIL will agree to this ridiculous ask because Son never pushes back on any of Ashley's snide remarks and thought Son will continue to be a pushover. I am shocked that BOTH Mom and Dad heard Ashley's request and thought to themselves, "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. It definitely will not backfire and land me on the persona non grata list. Yeah, let's do it!"

Uncommon Boston

Uncommon Boston

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

Don't trust them, you will never be part of the family. Ashley found a way to have you excluded from family gatherings. She doesn't like you and will probably come up with reasons to exclude you in the future. Start your own family traditions.

Ashley is an adult and it's her responsibility to handle her emotions and distance herself from situations that might trigger a negative response. It's no one else's duty to shield her from the fact that other people have babies when she doesn't. MIL was out of line to even entertain such a request. I get her wanting to protect her child but shielding your child from anything that might hurt them does them more harm than good in the long run

Wow. How would Ashley feel if she finally has a baby, and then is asked to not bring the baby to it's first Thanksgiving and Christmas with all the family? This is extremely cruel and selfish. You guys should plan a trip somewhere for the holidays, and enjoy spending the time alone with your new baby. Start your own traditions :-)

I would personally keep SIL at a distance but give MIL a chance to repair the relationship. I'm extremely family oriented and do my absolutely best to ensure my own child has a relationship with my ILs, even if it means I'm putting forth more effort than them. The priority is my son's relationship with them, not my own. If I were OP I would make it clear to MIL that a relationship with them for my child is important, but that if they don't demonstrate an intention to value that relationship, I will be managing expectations and not bending over backwards for them when they suddenly decide they want a relationship.

OP and husband should ensure they have a wonderful celebration, with or without family. As others have said, set a new tradition. MIL should also have a long chat with her daughter about needing therapy. I empathise with her wanting a child, etc, but she can't take that out on her 3 month old niece. If she's not careful, in the future she could find she has no child herself, no relationship with her niece, SIL or Twin brother.

Well, MIL already apologized and admitted that she handled everything all wrong. For the sake of everyone, I think we can give her a Mulligan on that one. But she still needs to be the one to deal with her daughter Ashley. There are going to be babies everywhere Ashley goes before she hopefully has one of her own, so she is going to have to find a way to deal with it. She might as well start by welcoming her niece to the holiday celebrations.

SIL is too immature to have a child.

I would have reacted the same as OP's husband. If a person is worried about how a situation will affect them, and the situation is actually a happy one, then that person should remove themselves from the situation. We struggled for a long time to have kids. Know what we did? Avoided situations where there were lots of kids around. However, that did not extend to our family. We love our nephews and nieces, and they are excluded from any struggles or pain we felt. They are our family.

Skip all family gatherings until next year

I understand how hard this must be for the grandparents, since it's their daughter, and I can't believe how much the twin sister's request stressed them out. Given the freshness of the situation, as the new parents, I would see it as an opportunity to spend some quality time making new traditions with the kid, like going out to eat, eating "nontraditional" food, and things like that.It's one year that the baby won't remember, and if it can get the sister through a hard time, even though she's been difficult, might be the better option, and I don't really think the grandparents should have been guilted. I'm sure they had to have been so stressed and felt so bad. I don't think the couple did anything wrong. Every family dynamic is different, and the thought of not being around siblings and extended family, especially at a celebratory time, may be disappointing and even crushing. In my family, I probably would have stayed home.

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Can you just find a a quality sitter on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas day? Wtf.