It’s been said that blood is thicker than water, meaning that if you have to choose between friends and family, family always comes first. But the lines get a bit blurry once someone marries into the family – after all, they’re family now too.

Happy to have married into a lovely family, one woman got the shock of her life when her mother-in-law requested she leave her baby daughter at home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, all because her sister-in-law recently had a miscarriage. Hurting, she turned to Reddit for advice. 

More info: Reddit

Blood is thicker than water, as one happily married woman unhappily found out

Image credits: Colin Maynard / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Despite always being kind and welcoming, her mother-in-law asked her to stay away from the family’s holiday celebrations to protect her sister-in-law’s feelings

Image credits: Daniele La Rosa Messina / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The sister-in-law had recently had a miscarriage and was particularly sensitive about the topic of babies

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Disgusted that his mother would choose to exclude his wife and child, the woman’s husband sent his parents packing

Image credits: Friendly_Lab7306

Left in tears, the woman turned to the web to ask if she was being a jerk for being hurt by her mother-in-law’s request

OP begins her story by telling the community that she and her husband gave birth to their first child almost three months back. She adds that she has always felt grateful she married into the family she did, since she grew up without siblings and had a single mom who passed away two years ago.

She goes on to say that, by contrast, her husband’s parents are happily married and have four kids who have always been kind and welcoming to her, with the exception of Ashley, her husband’s twin sister. OP shares that Ashley has a habit of making snide remarks about her husband’s success, but that her husband isn’t too fazed by it.

OP then tells the readers that Ashley and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby for the last two years, and recently had a miscarriage.

Well, drama started to unfold when, over dinner at OP’s house, her MIL started talking about what a hard few years it’s been for Ashley before asking OP if, to protect Ashley’s feelings, she’d mind sitting out Christmas and Thanksgiving. OP’s husband was livid at the suggestion and, despite his mother’s protests, told her she had to leave, and that Ashley should be the one to stay at home if she can’t control her emotions. 

OP says her mother-in-law has tried calling her several times since making the painful request, but she’s still too hurt to talk. Her husband, meanwhile, doesn’t want to be part of the family’s holiday celebrations at all. 

OP concludes her post by asking her readers if she’s being a jerk for feeling so hurt.  

Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The emotional divide between Ashley and OP is significant. One is going into the holidays grief-stricken, while the other is hoping to celebrate her little one’s first festive season with her family. 

Despite her sister-in-law’s sometimes toxic behavior, perhaps what’s needed here is a frank conversation between OP’s husband, his sister, and their parents, to reach some sort of compromise within family boundaries. But just what is the art of finding a compromise? We went looking for answers.

According to the Arrival Counseling Service website, compromise refers to the process of reaching an agreement (or settlement) in which all parties involved make concessions (or sacrifices) to achieve an outcome that satisfies everyone. 

The site suggests 6 steps to finding a successful compromise. These include identifying your needs and wants, listening and sharing your perspective, finding common ground, being flexible, following through, and seeking support from a therapist or family counselor, if necessary. 

In her article for LifeHack, Dr. Magdalena Battles writes that something as tiny as the topic of household chores can divide a family because we’re more sensitive to the feelings, thoughts, and emotions of family members. 

Battles goes on to add, “Family members must speak in a way that they would want to be spoken to, which is with kindness and love, not judgment or harshness, in order to maintain healthy relationships.”

Maybe OP could take Thanksgiving while her sister-in-law takes Christmas? What do you think of OP’s situation? Is her sister-in-law being unreasonable? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

In the comments, readers slammed the sister-in-law for being so selfish and swiftly decided OP was not the jerk for feeling hurt by her mother-in-law’s cruel request

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