Join the Fun!

James016 3 weeks ago

Parents should really *want* their children - this right here is the crux of it, don't have children to satisfy other people's demands of you. When I was younger I really didn't want children. It took a few years of being married before I started to want kids. My wife and I were constantly asked when we were going to have children, we just answered: "When you stop asking". It's not selfish to live your life the way you want including being childfree. It IS selfish to demand people have kids they clearly do not want.

4points

R.C. 3 weeks ago

This! I'm a woman in my 40's and I've never had that desire to have children. I don't turn into mush when I see a baby. I'm...I guess indifferent would be the right word. I don't hate children which seems to be the conclusion a lot of people make. Been this way my whole life. Still have zero regrets about my decision to never have children. Like OP said, "Parents should really want their children."

2points

Tamra 3 weeks ago

It's quite admirable that you know yourself so well. I believe a lot of women absolutely still feel pressured to have children, to the point that some of them don't even consciously realize it's a choice. At least, it should be.

1point

Alexia 3 weeks ago

"If you are unhappy, parenthood won’t fix it." - so true. Moreover, you'll probably scapegoat the poor kid for your unhappiness.

1point

Ms.GB 3 weeks ago

My sentiments exactly. I love children but I have too much on my plate to be the kind of parent that a child deserves. I'm happy to give a loving home to my animals.

1point

Lewis KR 3 weeks ago

To take an optimistic view - when some people say that not having children is 'selfish' I think they are struggling to articulate something more complex. I think they feel that it might not be the best thing for a person to live their whole life based around making themselves 'happy' in any given moment, I.e. structuring their lives around always having what they want - like depriving themselves of anything would be unbearable. I think they are trying to communicate that dedicating a decent part of your life to others (which for most people would imply their children, but not necessarily) is actually good for your own development. Of course this is somewhat reductive, as many people are very self aware and know they aren't suited to be parents, so it's patronising to contradict those people. As for the 'I don't want to bring people onto a dying planet' position, surely these conscientious people are exactly who should be having kids and teaching them what's important to lead humanity

1point

XenoMurph 3 weeks ago (edited)

I tried to articulate this once, not nearly as well as you, and got downvoted to hell. Living purely for one's own pleasure is satisfying in the short term, but not fulfilling over a lifetime. Being childfree is a personal choice, and a very valid one. But a fulfilling life is not based on owning objects or fancy holidays, which some of the younger posters tend to focus on. I think it's why so many older people volunteer or work in places that might do good. They are living lives to have more purpose or meaning than a lifetime of collected objects has not provided. A life centred purely on self might end up being a regret.

2points

AR 3 weeks ago

Having a child is always selfish. It’s how treat the kid you decided to have that matters.

0points

K. LNU 3 weeks ago

I'm now in my late 50s and have also, never wanted kids of my own. I adore friends and family children and am the fun auntie! In my 20s and 30s people always assumed "Oh, you don't like kids?" or my favorite "when you are pregnant, you'll change your mind." Nope, never did get pregnant, so can't tell you if I would have changed my mind. A few years ago, when I turned 50, I did have the minor inkling that I probably would have been a good mom. However, my BFF's 9-year-old put my mind to rest of who I'd have in my old age. She told me that she would take care of me (in my really old age), and we would watch movies and eat ice cream!

0points

WeeBitOfSumfin 3 weeks ago

I love my child to bits but if I had ever known it would be this hard, I would never have her.

0points

keyboardtek 3 weeks ago (edited)

We went through counseling to clarify whether or not to have kids. Then we ended up adopting from China. What I learned is that all of the good things one hears about having kids is an exaggerated myth. It is mostly hard work. The fun is about 10%. Then when they become teens, it is like living with a psychotic human. The cuteness is long gone. Their entry level logic skills are just good enough to cause daily arguments. Then if you are lucky, they become somewhat normal decent humans at about 28 years old. Unless of course they have joined a religious cult, a right wing militia or become a MAGA hate mongering fool.

0points

tori Ohno 3 weeks ago

I never "wanted" children, I was brainwashed into believing that I had to do it. That it was "expected" of me, and something was inherently wrong with me because I never wanted them. Here I am, 57 and childfree. I'm glad I stood up and said NO.

0points

Haywood Jablome 3 weeks ago

Tl;dr

-1point

So thankful. I would have been a terrible mother, but I’m an amazing aunt.

RENOYES , Tatiana Rodriguez Report

Final score:

53points

POST

sbj 3 weeks ago

Same here, it's great getting to enjoy all the fun times

8points

I definitely think it was the right choice for me. Gotta be honest with myself I am a little lazy and selfish and while I think I might have been a decent dad I don't think I would have been a happy one.

Runktar , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

43points

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Marvin 3 weeks ago

My husband would have been Fun Dad and I would have been Mean Mom :(

4points

To learn more about what it's like to be childfree, we got in touch with Sweta Upadhyay of the Child-Free Blog. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss how she feels about her choice not to have kids.

"Choosing to be childfree has been one of the best decisions my husband and I have made. We get to spend so much time together—just us! Our trips are all about exploring the world as a duo, and mornings are a peaceful ritual of tea, meditation, and a little garden time," Sweta shared.

"No chaos, no screaming, just calm, and a lot of hugging and laughing! We both feel that our relationship is stronger because we’re childfree. We don’t have the stress that often comes with raising kids, and honestly, I think we’ve eliminated one of the biggest sources of fights many couples have," she continued. "We rarely argue, and when we do, it’s never anything major."

Awesome. One of the best decisions of my entire life .

Personal_Neck5249 , Jared Rice Report

Final score:

43points

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sbj 3 weeks ago

I really appreciate the time I have to myself and the lack of stress that comes with not having somebody who at times would need to completely rely on me

13points

softxdollfacebeauty , Kim van Vuuren Report

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels I just had three margaritas and am going to take a nap. Do what you will with that information.

Final score:

40points

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Barry 3 weeks ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

ShriekingMuppet , MART PRODUCTION Report

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels Kinda depressing, I want to be a Dad but I rather let my broken brain diseases die off with me.

Final score:

39points

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Nea 3 weeks ago

Same. Would kill me to see my child have episodes like mine.

11points

"I was always sure that if I had a child, I’d likely regret it at some point," Sweta continued. "But not having one? That regret felt much less likely. Together, we’ve found fulfillment through our work with an NGO and caring for stray animals. The sense of purpose we gain from that is incredibly rewarding. So, for us, being childfree means living a life full of freedom and making each day about what brings us joy."

Definitely no regrets. Having kids is something I never even considered.

MudLivid6020 , Oleksandr P Report

Final score:

39points

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Penguin Panda Pop 3 weeks ago

'Definitely no rug rats' also works.

6points

I never wanted kids. It was worst nightmare to have them. I did everything I could to avoid them, and I'm very happy to have done so. Now I just need my work to respect my off time and my life will be perfect. I have more spending power than everyone I know, and I can do whatever I like, and whenever I want. You could not pay me enough to have made the other choice.

SamURLJackson Report

Final score:

38points

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Scott Rackley 3 weeks ago

I didn't like kids when I was one. I can tolerate them in intervals but creating and living with one? Nope. Plus there is an ethical dilemma in creating someone who did not ask for it, and can't be rescinded, with the off chance of having a congenital disease that would make their life hell.

5points

Successful_Parfait_3 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels Can’t believe there are people claiming child-free people don’t care for the state of the only planet we call home. OF COURSE we care. We have nephews, nieces and family that will have kids that we care about deeply. I wasn’t even going to comment because I’m only 34 without kids but you weirdos with your assumptions can be annoying.

Not having kids is amazing for some and sad for others.

Final score:

35points

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Alexandra 3 weeks ago

It's an odd argument to say that CF people don't care for the planet. We're overpopulated and using up resources we can't renew, so the fewer people the better in the long run.

17points

We were also curious about what Sweta considers the best parts of being childfree. "I get to focus completely on myself, my marriage, and the things I love! I’m constantly taking up new projects, learning new skills, and truly enjoying the time and energy I have," she shared.

"Every few months, I’m exploring something new, and it’s incredibly fulfilling. I also get to spend quality time with my loved ones and friends! My husband and I go on dates regularly and take a long, adventurous trip every six months. It’s like we’re in this never-ending honeymoon phase!"

#10

Pretty great.

My wife turned out to be a narcissistic abuser so I divorced her.
1. No kids that would've suffered from her behavior
2. No kids that would've suffered through the divorce

I'm more than happy to be the silly, fun uncle to my brother's kids.

Marcysdad , Hannah Nelson Report

Final score:

33points

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Angrykitten 3 weeks ago

Yay for child free fun uncles!

7points

#11

The freedom!

The sweet, sweet freedom to do what I want (or not do) when I want!

Thin-Annual4373 , JESHOOTS Report

Final score:

30points

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DennyS (denzoren) 3 weeks ago

Partially yes. I can get home after a long day and it's just me to worry about so I can eat ramen and sleep lol

4points

#12

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels As a woman, F*****G AMAZING. I had a hysterectomy at 25. I’m 43 now. I never wanted children and I was told maybe you will want one someday. I was never that kind of girl. Never wanted a kid. So glad I had a hysterectomy early so I can enjoy the rest of my life without female pain.

meldiane81 , Pixabay Report

Final score:

29points

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FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 3 weeks ago

I'm curious as to where this OP is from because so many doctors will not perform a hysterectomy on a 25 year old woman, unless medically necessary. But glad it all worked out for her.

7points

But are there any downsides to not having kids? "The only challenge is society! Some people assume that just because we don’t have kids, we must be 'free' all the time, somehow childish ourselves, or selfish," Sweta noted. "But that's not at all true. Just because we made a choice that’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong. We’ve simply crafted a life that’s perfect for us, which is meaningful, and full of love and joy."

#13

I never once had the tingling feeling of wanting to become a parent. I simply don’t have that want/desire/responsibility to raise a child, especially in this timeline we’re living in.

Then I met my wife - who thinks the exact same way.

We both love traveling, backpacking, camping, etc. It’s freeing knowing we can get up in a split second and go.

BurlHimself , Nina Uhlikova Report

Final score:

27points

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Niels AirMax 3 weeks ago

Sounds like the ultimate winner to me! Congratulations!🤝

4points

#14

I wanted to have kids but I couldn't, so sometimes I'm a bit sad seeing friends and colleagues having children. But it's nothing I can change so I'm usualy not thinking much about it. And sometimes I'm also a bit glad I don't have kids seeing how the world goes to s**t and no one seems to care to make the neccessary changes so that their children or grandchildren will still have a liveable world.

DocSternau , Caleb Oquendo Report

Final score:

25points

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DennyS (denzoren) 3 weeks ago

The not having a liveable world is a big factor for me.

4points

DickieJohnson , Juan Pablo Serrano Report

#15

I can't even take care of myself, let alone have to take care of another living person. So I just do what I want with my life and have a great time doing it. It's pretty awesome.

Final score:

24points

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Red PANda (she/they/he/ze) 3 weeks ago

Idk this is kind of a hot take but taking care of someone else can sometimes kinda force you to take better care of yourself, and then you’re both happier. I understand everyone is different tho, so it probably isn’t the same for everyone else

4points

Next, Sweta shared some wise words for any childfree adults who are feeling pressured to start a family. "Stay true to yourself! Make choices that feel right to you, not ones that fit into someone else’s expectations. This is your life, and it’s just as important to value your own happiness and freedom."

"It’s important to set clear, healthy boundaries with those who don’t respect your decision. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and your life choices are valid," she continued. "If people can’t see the validity in your choice to be childfree, that’s on them, not you. It’s not your responsibility to change their minds. Stand firm in your decision. Remind yourself that you don’t need to justify your path to anyone unwilling to respect it."

#16

I'm very glad to have been a part of the lives of my brother's kids but I would have been a terrible parent myself, so it's all good.

formiscontent , MART PRODUCTION Report

Final score:

23points

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DennyS (denzoren) 3 weeks ago

Acknowledging that is a good step.

0points

#17

I wanted children. But my uterus decided that ejecting them would be a better idea. I sometimes grieve the idea of being a parent. Then I snap back to reality when the reality of my life makes me not fit to be a parent. I am on the disability pension for MS, I am legally blind and cannot drive and have to depend on others to do things for me. I could not provide what I feel is a fulfilling life for a child.

I get to sleep in, I get to love my cats and be the weird aunt to my niblings instead. It is what it is and I am at peace with it.

Festygrrl Report

Final score:

23points

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#18

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels As someone who has wanted to have children but has fertility issues, it’s been soul crushing. Yeah I have freedom, but the only thing worse than being disappointed myself is watching my wife struggle. Having and raising kids is all she’s ever wanted and I have been unable to give her that.

Hoping to adopt but it’s an incredibly lonely and vulnerable experience, especially if you aren’t willing to go through a religious agency.

TheOnlyVertigo , Dương Nhân Report

Final score:

22points

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keyboardtek 3 weeks ago

We are atheists. The religious agency we used did not have any religious dogma anywhere in their adoption system. They do it more as a charity.

9points

Designer-Bid-3155 , Artem Beliaikin Report

"Ultimately, the people who care about you will support you for who you are, not for the life choices they wish you’d make," Sweta added. "For those who can’t support you… It’s perfectly fine to distance yourself and protect your peace. You’re building a life that’s right for you, and that’s what matters the most!"

#19

F*****g awesome! My life is amazing. Fixed at 26, I'm now 46.

Final score:

22points

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zovjraar me 3 weeks ago

thank you sir for knowing what you wanted and taking steps to ensure it!

5points

SecondHandSmack , Anastasia Latunova Report

#20

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels A few pangs every now and then, but I wouldn’t change my decision.

Final score:

20points

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Eastendbird 3 weeks ago

This sums it up for me.

3points

#21

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels I'm happy. I love sleeping in late on Saturday mornings, not driving to tons of kids sporting events, never have to stand on the sidelines in the cold and rain, cheering on kids, driving to kids party after kids party every weekend.

I often hear parents main about preparing school lunches, which is not an issue.

Honestly, as a child I never ever dreamed of being a mother, I never played with dolls, ever. I never envisioned a time where I would have kids. I grew up in a very noisy house with way too many people crammed into a small space. My many siblings quickly had lots of kids as well, I've been surrounded by kids and spent a lot of my life looking after other people, cleaning, cooking and being a general dogs body. I just don't want to do that anymore.

I go on decent holidays, I'm free at the weekends. I love the peace and quiet. I am very happy in my own company and I have a very limited social battery. I don't believe I would have made a good parent. I do like kids but I feel I've sacrificed enough of my life looking after other people and I'm happy as I am. .

An_Bo_Mhara , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

19points

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AR 3 weeks ago

I imagine a lot of people who were parentified feel the same way

1point

"Family isn’t just about ‘baby steps’ or having children. It’s about the big leaps we take in life. Whether that’s with a partner, pets, plants, friends, or even in the quiet of our own solitude," Sweta says. "Being childfree isn’t just about not having kids; it’s about the freedom to choose the life that fulfills us. We celebrate that fulfillment doesn’t come in one-size-fits-all, and that’s perfectly alright."

#22

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels It’s weird bc all your child-having friends (which is most everyone) are completely consumed by their kids so you don’t relate as well with others.

But also it’s great bc I have extra money and I can spend it on whatever the f*** I please. Oh and I have extra time to do whatever I please.
But sometimes I want to do something with my best friend but she can’t bc of her kid so…
There’s positives and negatives.

OceanicBoundlessnss , nappy Report

Final score:

17points

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#23

After numerous miscarriages, we were in our 40s, with no children. We would both do anything to have had children. If we had a kid now, I'd be 68 when they graduated from high school.

SovietShooter , Timur Weber Report

Final score:

17points

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Schmebulock 3 weeks ago

Adoption was an option.

5points

#24

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels Having seen my brother and his two small children today... absolutely fine and dandy thank you.

mronion82 , Josh Willink Report

Final score:

17points

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Janelle Collard Premium 2 weeks ago

Same! It's not called the Terrible Twos for nothing!

0points

#25

On the one hand, I seriously envy my friends who have two lovely sons who are now in high school.

On the other hand, I’m glad that I’m not my sister and Brother-in-law who have two spawns of Satan who are 4 and 6.

Edit: who would have thought that my top comment ever would be calling my nephews "spawns of satan." They're absolutely a high energy handful, and frustrating to deal with right now, but they are good kids, and I love 'em to bits. I just moderate my time with them to save my sanity.

millijuna Report

Final score:

15points

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Alexandra 3 weeks ago

There is absolutely no guarantee that your children will be born healthy and will grow up to be lovely persons.

6points

#26

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels Never really wanted kids or understood why people have them. But now in my late 40s I realized that children serve as a distraction from your own existential crises. As mortality and other fears slowly become more prominent, children and their youthful energy make life more interesting and worth living. If all you have around you is aging and decay, life gets very boring and depressing.

sp_help , Dr B'shree Jagdale Report

Final score:

15points

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Child of the Stars 3 weeks ago

"...children serve as a distraction from your own existential crises." Not necessarily. Becoming a parent forced me to face the biggest fears of my life and deal with them. As a result, I've gotten sober and been through therapy. Becoming a parent made me a better person. I don't mean to imply that that happens to everyone. But it's disingenuous to assume that being a parent means you avoid your fears.

1point

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

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#27

Hard. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of adulthood… first steps, taking my kid to school, coaching little league, school plays, dinner table conversations, family vacations, helping them when they are hurt, Santa Claus, seeing them grow, arguments and apologies, grandchildren… it just never materialized for me. It’s like i wasn’t worthy of that gift… of even finding a wife to build a family.

Sucks hard many days. I can put on a brave face, but deep down it’s crushing.

M, 48, one sister, who also has no kids.

Fuzzy-Zombie1446 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

14points

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zovjraar me 3 weeks ago

it's sad when someone who wants a kid didn't get to have one. and then there are unwanted kids. :(

11points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

#28

“I Am At Peace”: 30 Childfree People In Their 40s And 50s Share How It Really Feels Pretty rough. I only started to feel better and come out of the sadness when I took full responsibility for choosing not to have children.

My first partner didn’t want kids until he was 40.
My first husband was abusive and irresponsible.
My boyfriends after that were non-commital.
My second husband is amazing but has kids, had the snip and felt he was too old to adopt or foster.

The reality is - I chose these partners.
I’ve got lovely adult step children and I’m an auntie and godmother. I’ve fostered rescue animals for 20 years.

It’s not the same… but you can’t always get what you want, as the song goes.

When I have feelings about it, I have to take it on the chin.

ohnobobbins , Austin Guevara Report

Final score:

13points

POST

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#29

Not by choice, so pretty devastated.

FairCommon3861 , Julia Taubitz Report

Final score:

12points

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Shark Lady 3 weeks ago

Difference between being childless and childfree, free is by choice, less is not.

15points

Wild-League-888 , RDNE Stock project Report

#30

Scary. I maybe have a couple of fertile years left but my partner doesn’t really want kids. I won’t know how I feel about it until it’s too late. I don’t feel ready yet I can’t imagine growing old with never having children. I wish I had more time.

Final score:

11points

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Alexandra 3 weeks ago

Might be better to bite the bullet and resolve the issue before you have no choice and resentment might set in.

3points

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#31

No regrets.

digitalpacifier Report

Final score:

10points

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Neb 3 weeks ago

Agree!

0points

#32

Pretty good, I'm 55 and could retire tomorrow if I so choose.

feelingbutter Report

Final score:

10points

POST

#33

Feels like financial independence.

IntlDogOfMystery Report

Final score:

9points

POST

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#34

Feels great to sleep through the night. .

wsgardening Report

Final score:

9points

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#35

As much as I love my nieces.I still don't want any.

Nawk762 Report

Final score:

9points

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#36

Perfect. I decided at 14 I did not want, and I stayed the course. I am serene and do not look back. Nor does my wife.

bonnyknowsbest88 Report

Final score:

9points

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JM 3 weeks ago

I also knew at 14 that I didn't want children and I've never looked back. I got to have a lot of fun with my brother's children as they were growing up - loved being an aunt.

0points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

#37

I have the freedom and funds to take off for a few weeks to travel anywhere in the world when I feel like it. Did do that a few times already and it was def an experience everytime. Or if I feel like it, do nothing at all. I can do whatever the f**k I want and that’s priceless to me.

Would my life be better or worst with kids? Hard to say tbh but the freedom alone I have right now makes me feel like it’s better than not.

Ok-Routine1969 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

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#38

All my life I could barely take care of myself so I'm happy to not bring harm upon another life.

Matt8348 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#39

I knew I'd never be fit to be a mother full time. So I spent my 20's and 30's as a Girl Scout leader, having fun and sending the kids home at the end of the meetings.

Sometimes I wish I could know what pregnancy feels like, but I'm glad I don't have a child of my own.

Visual-Lobster6625 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago

This is the most sensible and positive post in the lot.

2points

#40

It feels fantastic.

Strange-Mouse-8710 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#41

Honestly it's mixed. I see my friends and family and generally how happy they are, I reflect on my own childhood and how great the moments with my family were.

I've watched my grandmother go into assisted living, I know how horrible most places are. How much work my parents did to ensure she had top notch care and wasn't abused or forgotten about.

My biggest worry is what happens to me when I hit 70, 80, or older. Who do I have left to help me navigate serious health complications, going into a home, or disastrous issues such as dementia or alzheimer's. Society will throw me away because I don't have family that is willing to fight in my behalf the same way I will for my parents. I ask this same question to the other d***s I'm friends with and few of them ever considered these issues.

Lately I regret not having kids of my own i feel like i missed out on a ton. I'm well off working in the FAANG space, money isn't a concern, but I find myself dwelling on this more.

malwareguy Report

Final score:

7points

POST

JM 3 weeks ago

I once had an older neighbor tell me that having kids is no guarantee they'll take care of you when you're old.

0points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#42

Im 47 now and it's like dying a little every day. It's a loss people refuse to let you grieve.
My husband and I are both infertile. We couldn't afford (insurance doesn't cover IVF in our state) IVF. He took meds for nearly a year to get his sperms count high enough for IUI . We had one attempt, it failed (meds to make me ovulate I have PCOS). He started having scary sideeffects from the meds and wr had to stop. This was 9 years ago. Shortly after his sister got pregnant with her first child and made sure to tell me she didn't want to be pregnant. Shortly after that my youngest sister got pregnant and whined to me about how it took 3 months of sex to get pregnant. Then she made my life hell the entire time she was pregnant with unhinged threats of me never seeing her kids again because I had a reaction to the flu shot. She also told me to "suck it up" when I called her crying about the infertility diagnosis. Other people have it worse, she said.
We couldn't afford, at the time, to adopt. The attorney told us 60k was average and we'd be on a waiting list for years. Plus once we hit 40 our chances of "being selected" were slim. After the foster care classes and the horror stories, plus being told no infants or toddlers to adopt, we backed away from foster care.
Family wasn't supportive of us adopting because of the issues another family member had.

Now I'm 47. My older nieces and nephews have kids. My youngest sister has kids. My friends from school are grandparents. I regret every single day we didn't go bankrupt trying to have a family. Now we make enough to make payments on a loan to adopt, but I'm "too old to be selected by a birth mother".
PCOS has ruined my body. Insurance won't cover anything to treat it and 1500 a month for the meds is still unaffordable. I'm i perimenopause and have started ovulating, naturally for the first time. The irony.
I'm the fun aunt. We take the little nieces and nephews places and buy them fun toys. My SiL is broke with 4 kids (3 from marriage one by nature) and expects us to do the expensive stuff they can't afford with her kids. We do, but it's weird knowing how much she hates me she sees us as a way for her kids to get to do stuff.
Since we don't have kids we are expected to do all of the elder care. The "I have kids and a job" excuse is my youngest sisters favorite go to when dad needs something. She is 5 minutes away, I'm an hour. But 90% of the time she says since she has kids she can't help him out. I work too. Older sister's husband has dementia. So they are spending time with the grandkids now because soon he won't know who they are.

We have money to do what we want, mostly but we don't have any time. We do for everyone else and are made to feel horrible if we don't. The trade off for us is a deep longing to have kids but no time for the "freedom" everyone says we have.

Lately I've been crying alot about the whole thing. No one but my husband gives a f--k. We are just free babysitting and dad's helpers. I'm running my self ragged and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, my older sister sees it, my husband sees it, but dad and my youngest sister won't or can't. My health is affected by the stress. I look at my friends Facebook pages with their grandkids and kids and I think I have nothing.

I hate my childless life. My husband can't even enjoy the freedom we didn't want because no one respects us or our time. And holidays are dependent on family inviting us to attend. Otherwise it will just be us and the cats.

People keep telling us we should have adopted or that we "gave up too soon". Or "if you couldn't afford the 60k to adopt, you ar3 too poor to have kids" (the male infertility specialist said that). I asked if he had 60k just hanging out to spend to adopt and he was shocked at how much it was.
Im not always this bitter. It starts hitting hard around Halloween and continues to be a challenge until after Christmas. This is the hardest time of the year. But I smile and hide it. I don't want to hear one more "God's will", "God's punishment " or "you should have adopted". Nor do I want to hear "take one of my monsters, you will change your mind".....

F--k infertility.

Edited to add: I greatly appreciate the support and kind words. Infertility is a complex and emotionally draining thing. Family dynamics is complex too. I think many families don't understand that childless couples still have lots of other responsibilities. In our case, my youngest sister is a narcissist and my dad may also be, although less toxic. My older sister lives under the shadow of her husband of 30 years morphing into someone she no longer knows, and who, doesn't know many of us anymore, and who, is actively and slowly dying.

We try hard to keep the peace.

Bastilleinstructor Report

Final score:

7points

POST

AKA AKA 3 weeks ago

i cried reading this

1point

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#43

Lonely.

Innoculous_Lox66 , Elijah O'Donnell Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Slowdown 3 weeks ago

One can be married, have a family, and still be lonely. These things are not mutually exclusive.

2points

#44

Lonely and sad. I have a son somewhere, many years ago I was dating a woman who dumped me when she got pregnant and gave up the baby. I only found out about the baby because I got sent mail I wasn’t supposed to get. The adoption was final and I couldn’t afford a lawyer, had no rights. I can only hope they look me up some day. Worst part is most of the children in my family are suffering serious genetic problems. So I don’t even know if he’s ok. .

Corey307 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#45

It sucks.

Kids open up a lot of things you simply miss out on if you never had them. Going to Disney World or a theme park, or even major fairs, the beach, seeing families with their kids having a good time. Birthday parties, the thrills of school activities, holidays..

You get old, your friends get old, your parents pass on, everything feels a little bit hollow.

Yeah you also pass on a lot of stress, problems, heartache, headaches, financial issues, but in life you take the good with the bad, and you realize you gave up a lot of good after its too late to do anything about it. And aging alone has ZERO upside to it, none, nada.

TheFrogofThunder Report

Final score:

6points

POST

James016 3 weeks ago

"Going to Disney World or a theme park, or even major fairs, the beach" You can do all of this without being a parent.

6points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

See Also on Bored Panda

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#46

The few years I was a parent were enough to teach me I don't want kids. As much as I loved my stepkids, I do not miss the constant, never ending panic. I was always anxious. Living in poverty, I just knew I was failing them.

I lived in a low grade state of anxiety for 5 years, worrying about them all the time. I still worry about them all the time, in fact, one is currently sleeping downstairs, she's homeless. It's so much different now that they are adults.

Delicious_Standard_8 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#47

I wanted kids, it didn't happen.

It sucks not to have had that opportunity, I sometimes get caught up in some existential dread thinking about the fact that my genetic lineage stops with me and I'm leaving nothing behind as a legacy.

But on the flip side I know having kids would have been hell. Even as a kid I understood that to have kids I'd have to be okay with being a single parent; as even today it seems men continue to demonstrate an inability to take equal responsibility for raising their kids. As a disabled person it's hard enough to survive and advocate for myself without dragging a child into poverty, to advocate for them - my kids would likely be disabled too, I see friends struggling to get their SEN kids access to even basic education and I'm glad I don't deal with that.

I get to do what I want with my money and my time, I get to rest ans plenty of alone time, which I'm grateful for.

I feel bitter about no opportunity, but also glad.

Kasha2000UK Report

Final score:

6points

POST

FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago

You can very much still leave a legacy in your community without leaving any descendants behind.

0points

#48

Honestly, sort of sad, but not overwhelming.

I was always ambivalent about having kids. I would have been up for it if my partner wanted them, but he didn't, and I was totally fine not having them.

I still don't feel strongly about it. But that partner and I broke up a few years back, and now that I'm in my early 40s it's just very weird to realize that.. well, that window is probably closed. I mean as far as I know I could still get pregnant, but my current partner and I aren't in a place to be looking at that and since we'd really have to try like... now, I'm accepting that it's just not going to happen.

So yeah, there's some kind of grief. But it's a weird sort of grief because I never actively wanted kids and was always perfectly comfortable with the idea of not having them. It's more grief over losing the potential of having them in the future, I guess.

EDIT: Since so many people have said "why not just adopt," I'll add that I am adopted (closed infant adoption), and though I love being adopted, for many reasons I explain in this comment thread, have always known I would never myself adopt. Everyone is aware of adoption as an option, but it's a unique journey that should be chosen on its own merits, and not every person is suited to be an adoptive parent. And also... I STILL don't actively want kids!

cherrycocktail20 Report

Final score:

5points

POST

#49

I'm not sure how to answer this because I don't know what it would be like to have them. I see all my friends and siblings with kids and I see the beautiful parts. I also see the very hard parts. I also see the people who really really want children do everything they can to conceive. I just can't ever picture putting myself through that. I do know this. I love my life. Every aspect of it. I love seeing my neices and nephews grow up. I love that I can come home and have peace and quiet and not have a single thing to attend to. I'm truly happy. This is what I wanted and it's what I got. (But will i ever know "how it feels" opposed to having them.....nope).

bigbluebagel Report

Final score:

5points

POST

#50

It makes me feel completely empty at times.

funguy1378 Report

Final score:

4points

POST

Kelly Scott 3 weeks ago

I feel for these people who wanted kids and couldn't have them but at some point they have to deal with it. A lot of them could benefit with therapy. And as callous as it sounds, there's a lot of things we all want in life and most of us, unless we're very, very lucky, are not going to get them. Isn't it better to accept that instead of spending all your years crying and being upset? What's worse, I see these people fantasizing about going places with their unborn kids or doing things with them. I wonder how they'd feel if they actually had a kid to take to say, Disneyland and all the kid did was have meltdowns. Thinking your future kids are all going to be healthy, well-mannered, and pleasant to be around is the ultimate fantasy and wanting a fantasy so bad you cry about it all the time for years is, I think, the apex of bad mental health.

0points

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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People in their 40s and 50s with no children, how does it feel?

POST

Alexandra 3 weeks ago

Being 'childfree' means that you chose not to have kids. If you want kids but can't have them due to infertility issues or other issues, you're not 'childfree', you're 'childless': you didn't have any choice in the matter. You can't compare the two.

17points

Neb 3 weeks ago

Unless you can't have kids, and independently decide not to have them anyway - still childfree.

-1point

Zake 3 weeks ago

I don't want kids, I want a good partner to be with me until death do us part

7points

CanadianDimes 3 weeks ago

Let's stop saying "starting a family". You can start a family with a partner by marrying them/committing to them long term. Most of us (whether or not we have kids) have families already.

6points

MoMcB 3 weeks ago

My daughter (only child) doesn't want children. She's 31. I get comments that I'll really miss being a grandmother, but it's her decision not mine, and seeing the way things are in the world, I can't say I blame her. Last time we were back in Ireland visiting family, I had to close it down and tell them it wasn't anyone's business but my daughter's and her partner.

5points

Ellinor 3 weeks ago

I like reading about childfree people's happy lives, it gives me hope for my future ! When you're a woman that doesn't want kids, you're up for a ton of remarks and mean comments about how you're "loosing your value as a woman", "you will d*e alone in a nursing home", "you're ruining your life"... I'm tired of that.

4points

Neb 3 weeks ago

I think you need to change people that surround you...

1point

Aline 3 weeks ago

If your life is sad and meaningless without kids, having kids isn't going to change that. Your life will just be sad, meaningless and busy. Why would you bring a child into a family, if it isn't because you want to share the joy and awesomeness that is your existence? Kids don't fix things. They either absorb your joy and adventure or absorb your listless apathy. Just because misery loves company doesn't mean you should inflict that on innocent children.

3points

Anthorn 3 weeks ago

I'm hoping to adopt one day, as I can't have kids. I don't want to be CF (nothing against people who do though)

3points

Barry 3 weeks ago

I have a good friend who swore she'd never have kids. 10 years later she had a daughter and is raising her alone and couldn't be happier.

1point

Millawi 3 weeks ago

I never really had a wish to be a parent, but didn't mind the idea of being one too. I can say that it changed me completely, one day I was a 30 yo teenager and the next I am a real responsible adult because I had to be one.

1point

ENSJ 3 weeks ago

I'm childfree. Unfortunately without the benefit of having a good income and thus the freedom to do things that'd be harder with kids (such as travel, extra education etc). But I'd be a terrible parent with the generational trauma. I see how my sister is f*****g up her children, how my mother keeps regretting having kids, ... I'd much rather regret never having kids than I would regret having them. I have my furbabies to look after and that is enough.

1point

Dizzie D 3 weeks ago

Why does Bored Panda constantly post articles on how wonderful it is to be child free, how amazing your life is or can be. It's overdone, we get it, there are people out there who don't want kids? So what? I find it offensive to the people who DO have kids. Each life choice is perfectly fine FFS. Drop it.

1point

Ellinor 3 weeks ago

Like I said in my comment, it's because as a society people are expected to want children and if you don't want to you're marginalised. It's good to feel like you still matter as a person if you're childfree, to read about positive experience from happy people.

2points

FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago

They post parenting articles all the time.

1point

MoMcB 3 weeks ago

Why offensive? Some people may be interested. The choice is the couple's, whatever they choose is right for them.

1point

Captive 3 weeks ago

Right? Makes you feel stupid for ever considering having children. Wth?

1point

kimkats 2 weeks ago

I detest the “you’ll die alone” c**p. Most of us do anyway, ask any nursing home worker how many offspring “take care” if their elderly parent or even visit, and the answer will be, damn few. MySIL, who had 3 kids, (and all she ever wanted to be was a mommy) saw them all get the hell out of dodge as fast as they could and get on with their education and lives, and not the slightest intention of coming back to care for Mom in her dotage. So spawning with the intent of breeding a caretaker doesn’t always work, and few seem to recognize that.

0points

K. LNU 3 weeks ago

I am the fun (and sometimes the "bonus" i.e., not related by blood or marriage) auntie. I do love the kids in my life; coo over other people's babies; and do babysit - which is my choice! I never wanted kids of my own. I did occasionally get the pangs, but those never lasted long. I have the freedom to do what I want, go to a soccer game for the kids in my life, or not. I have the disposable income to spoil said kids and enjoy the role I've been given.

0points

Daisy1355 3 weeks ago (edited)

I like kids, but most of the time I don't actively think about wanting them. But I'm not completely against the idea either. But I'm also approaching the end of the realistic window for it happening biologically. Basically I've always been in the if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't. I'm also single and have been for quite a while and don't think that's going to change for a long time, if ever. But I get fulfillment in other ways. I take care of animals. I run a high school theatre department. Before my family decided to suck, I was an amazing and fun auntie. I volunteer in an organization that raises scholarship funds. I think a lot of times people spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing. Plus I know adopting and/or fostering are always options if my health and finances are ever in agreement, which they are currently not.

0points

Craig Reynolds 3 weeks ago

I had a father who had no interest in being a father. He never did anything with me, never played catch, never taught me anything about sports. Do you have any idea what gym class is like when you are the only boy who knows nothing about any sport? I wouldn't know how to be a father and decided as an early teen never to be one. I have no regrets about being the last of my bloodline.

0points

Daya Meyer 3 weeks ago

I am happy to be around kids. And I am happy to stay in bed on a saturday morning at 9 a.m., having a first cup of tea and a chat with my husband, planning our day. We are childfree by choice and I think that everyone should be able to choose to have children or not.

0points

Doodles1983 3 weeks ago

I'm 40. Not having kids doesn't mean I havent helped RAISE kids. I have nephews ranging in age from 28 to 1. A little sister born when I was 13. (who now has the 1 year old.) I've never had a strong maternal drive. I'm currently terrified about what would happen to my animals if this world continues. Let alone a kid. I've certainly influenced the lives of at least 10 children one way or another from my family procreating and have never had any serious inclination to have my own. And the way my life has mapped out, age 40 now, it seems "fate" and I were on the same page all along. One or two "what if" twinges but not hard enough to be called regrets.

0points

BookFanatic 3 weeks ago

I would be a terrible mother. I genuinely do not like babies and small children. I'm impatient and I have a quick temper. And the idea of snot/poop/pee/etc on me that's not mine seriously icks me out.

0points

Captive 3 weeks ago

What's with all these childfree benefit posts these days? Can we have a post promoting having children for once, to compare?

0points

Ellinor 3 weeks ago

You mean like what everyone do with childfree people ?

3points

POST

Alexandra 3 weeks ago

17points

Neb 3 weeks ago

Unless you can't have kids, and independently decide not to have them anyway - still childfree.

-1point

Zake 3 weeks ago

I don't want kids, I want a good partner to be with me until death do us part

7points

CanadianDimes 3 weeks ago

Let's stop saying "starting a family". You can start a family with a partner by marrying them/committing to them long term. Most of us (whether or not we have kids) have families already.

6points

MoMcB 3 weeks ago

5points

Ellinor 3 weeks ago

4points

Neb 3 weeks ago

I think you need to change people that surround you...

1point

Aline 3 weeks ago

3points

Anthorn 3 weeks ago

I'm hoping to adopt one day, as I can't have kids. I don't want to be CF (nothing against people who do though)

3points

Barry 3 weeks ago

I have a good friend who swore she'd never have kids. 10 years later she had a daughter and is raising her alone and couldn't be happier.

1point

Millawi 3 weeks ago

1point

ENSJ 3 weeks ago

1point

Dizzie D 3 weeks ago

1point

Ellinor 3 weeks ago

2points

FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago

They post parenting articles all the time.

1point

MoMcB 3 weeks ago

Why offensive? Some people may be interested. The choice is the couple's, whatever they choose is right for them.

1point

Captive 3 weeks ago

Right? Makes you feel stupid for ever considering having children. Wth?

1point

kimkats 2 weeks ago

0points

K. LNU 3 weeks ago

0points

Daisy1355 3 weeks ago (edited)

0points

Craig Reynolds 3 weeks ago

0points

Daya Meyer 3 weeks ago

0points

Doodles1983 3 weeks ago

0points

BookFanatic 3 weeks ago

0points

Captive 3 weeks ago

What's with all these childfree benefit posts these days? Can we have a post promoting having children for once, to compare?

0points

Ellinor 3 weeks ago

You mean like what everyone do with childfree people ?

3points