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30 People Share Things Their Parents Taught Them That They Later Realized Weren’t Normal At All
Interview
As children, we admire our parents and view them through rose-colored glasses. They’re the coolest, smartest and most amazing people on the planet! But as we get older, sometimes reality sets in, and we realize that Mom and Dad didn’t actually know everything. In fact, they may have even done some harm when raising us.
Redditors have been sharing things their parents taught them that they later realized weren’t healthy, so we’ve gathered some of their honest responses down below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with the user who sparked this discussion in the first place, and be sure to upvote the replies that make you want to be a better parent.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“No kid should be on drugs” I was 11, diagnosed with ADHD by a psychologist back when that was pretty new…
Yeah… Every teacher stated some version of “if you weren’t so smart, I’d hold you back” and I barely graduated high school. Seriously thought I ‘couldn’t do math.’
Flash forward to 28. Get over the stigma… Take good meds - graduate cum laude with with degree in Finance at 32. Turns out I can do pretty heavy equations in my head when the hurricane isn’t spinning…
brandyy17 2 years ago
for me it was adhd and anxeity took my parents until i was in high school to get me adhd meds and until i was 24 to understand i had anxeity and truly couldnt function around strangers or crowded areas. they thought for adhd im just a curious kid for anxeity im just shy
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Cosmologist wannabe 2 years ago
diagnosing for adhd is very important. I was very fortunately diagnosed at an early age, so I was medicated early in life. There are so many people that are unlucky and are not being treated for adhd. adhd drugs are so helpful. Vyvanse is practically like a blessing to me. It does not have major side effects, or spoil my appetite, or make me fall asleep in the middle of class, or make me p**s myself in the middle of the night. (Yes, all of these were side effects that I had)
Stacy Madl 2 years ago
This was EXACTLY what happened to me. Now I'm 30, just got on meds, and hopefully gonna be going to nursing school! Looking back it's absolutely devastating to see everything that happened and all the mistakes you made due to uneducated ADHD. I'm sill coming to terms with everything I probably lost because of it. Literally feels like the butterfly effect lol.
USMCFelicia 2 years ago
I can definitely relate. My teachers suggested that I should be tested for add/adhd in the mid 90's. My best friend at the time was recently put on medication for his severe adhd and was zombie like initially until they got his dosage correct. Well with him being one of the few people we knew on meds my family decided that it was something I would grow out of and refused to put me on any meds because they didn't want me to become a zombie and end of discussion. Would always get comments on my report cards saying things like doesn't work to her full potential, is easily distracted..blah blah. I finally got myself on medication when I was 21 and my whole world changed for the better. I ended up going to nursing school in my late 20's and got the best grades of my life. I barely graduated high school with my class because of the lack of education my family had regarding my add diagnosis. It felt so good to finally have the good grades I always knew I was capable of.
Ruth Harper 2 years ago
I feel this. Only it wasn't my parents, they just had no idea because I was told that I would ruin their work if I talked about any of my problems. It was the school that insisted that I was the problem and didn't offer any help of any kind.
majandess 2 years ago
I am so glad that I broke out of this in time to save my son. He was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of four, but kids that small can't take drugs for it. I fought the diagnosis for a year and a half. I tried everything... Except medication. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't try everything? So glad I did.
RELATED:
#2
That you are at least partially to blame for ANYTHING bad that happens to you. Get beat up by a bully? It's at last partly your fault and you're to be blamed and punished for it. Get bit by a dog? It's at last partly your fault and you're to be blamed and punished for it. Accidently step on a nail, cut yourself, fall, have an asthma attack? It's at last partly your fault and you're to be blamed and punished for it. A few years ago my younger brother (we are in our 30s now) was out on the town at night and got mugged, I had to drive him to the hospital. I started blaming him for it and had to pause and ask myself WTF was I thinking and right then and there had an epiphany that the way we were raise was totally screwed up.
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
OMFG THATS SO FÜCKED UP IM SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT ABUSE
robin aldrich 2 years ago
agreed....and how awesome that he stopped and recognized that it was wrong!!! and that is a Huge step right there to break the chain!!!!
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BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
You can see how this leads to women getting the blame when they're raped by some spineless neanderthal... Would be curious to know if the parents were very religious. Not bashing religion or anything like that, but my parents would always tell me to thank "god" when something good happened, but when it was something bad, then it definitely wasn't their all-powerful, all-knowing, benevolent god... it was obviously my fault.
Snorkeldorf 2 years ago
Boy is this spot on. When one of my friends got married, her husband started physically abusing her. She was out with her mom and told her that one day she was driving and got caught in a traffic jam due to an accident. He was napping but when he woke up he started yelling at her that she should have gone another way. She snapped and yelled back at him and he punched her in the face. When she told her mom her mom said "what in the world did you say to him to make him hit you?" Fortunately they did get a divorce.
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
Hopefully she also got divorced from her mother
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Where's_My_Adderall 2 years ago
my parents use this logic. I wrote a letter, pouring my heart and soul about how I feel because I'm about as emotionally mature as a rock (traumatized kids if you know, you know) about how my mom telling me I'll never be her son unless I get surgery and DID isn't real (idc about your opinion here, just be kind) and my mom wanted me to write one to my dad. he refused because he said "If you don't take responsibility for your actions, then I'm going to talk to you about it." and I didn't want an argument. so I told him off and called him out for his toxic BS. I'm 16, for reference.
- 2 years ago
There are ways to reduce incidents, BUT... nothing is fool-proof and the victim needs help first. Discussions about prevention and or mitigation come later, not right after the incident.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
This is the truth. Many of the things the OP wrote about *may* have had some component they contributed, like the nail one if they were walking barefoot and not paying attention. Or the dog one, did they provoke the dog by pulling it's tail? But like you said, it shouldn't be about blaming them. But helping them learn from the mistake, to be more aware of their surroundings.
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Jen Schurman 2 years ago
My mother was raised in the German Lutheran church. She told me every action had an immediate consequence from God. One day we were in the car, and I was smarting off in a typical 8 year old way. She knew I loved animals and spotted a dead rabbit on the side of the road. Told me that was God’s way of punishing me for my attitude. I still fight those feelings and she has been dead 14 years.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Timdood3, who posed the question, "What did your parents teach you as a kid that you didn't realize was actually [messed] up until you were older?" Lucky for us, Timdood3 was happy to have a chat with Bored Panda. "My inspiration [for asking this question], if you can call it that, was simply a desire to share my own experience and give others an opportunity to share their own," he explained. "After all, everyone has a 'my parents messed me up' story."
#3
If you’re sad that means the devil is inside you and you need to pray for forgiveness.
I was 6 and my cat had just died
E Schmitt 2 years ago
Religion can be a very dangerous thing in the wrong minds.
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Similar experiences... depression isn't real, it's a lack of my faith and I need more prayer and church.
The Original Bruno 2 years ago
The shortest verse of the bible: "Jesus wept." Even more ironically: "Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils. And she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept."
#4
After arguing with a girlfriend and not speaking with her for a few days, BOTH my parents told me separately to hold onto my beef with her like a grudge and use it against her later.
I've been married to the girlfriend now 25 years this year, never once took my parents' advice, and have NO IDEA how my parent's marriage survived LOL
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
My mom always said, "Never leave an argument unresolved. If you can't come to an agreement, then find a way to remove the cause of the argument, as it is obviously something you will never agree on and will never make it work, so try something new"
Bookworm 2 years ago
I still look at some of the couples two generations back in my family and think, how the h*ll did these people end up married and stay married? I literally, just tonight, learned that one of my maternal great-uncles (now deceased) used to hit his wife when my mother was a kid. Supposedly that stopped, but my dominant memory of him is him arguing with his wife, constantly, over everything. It was a family joke that no one wanted to spend time around them or ride with them in a car because they'd bicker the entire time. I know divorce used to be a lot more of a social taboo, but I don't know how two people who never seemed to actually like each other wound up married in the first place, let alone how they managed not to kill each other.
"The story that I shared tells of the time my dad taught me the concept of 'micro-murder'," Timdood3 went on to note. "It was the idea that if someone wastes your time, usually through stupidity or incompetence, that is time they've stolen from you, and you should be upset about it. Whether it's someone driving too slow in traffic or standing in front of the item you need at the grocery store, they're killing you one second at a time."
"And being around 10 years is at the time, it made enough sense not to think about it too hard," he added. "But as I grew older and wiser, I came to realize what a backwards perspective it was. For whatever reason, he just needed an excuse to be mad at strangers all the time."
#5
Anytime I felt hurt by a conflict with a friend, my parents would tell me to never talk to them again because they aren't real friends anyway.
I ghosted all of my best friends thinking it was the right thing to do.
Now, I know that real friends talk things out and it makes the friendships even stronger. A very painful realization. I never even considered my parents could have been wrong. :(
PolymathNecromancer 2 years ago
Avoidance is deadly. Thankfully, in spite of all the yuck and wtf these days, imo it is usually easier to find vulnerability than it used to be
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Michael Largey 2 years ago
I know someone who used to say "Friends are just people who can hurt you. Stick to family." She is now estranged from her entire family.
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
Unfortunately, parents are wrong more often that we like to believe. Most of the time it's not because they're evil or anything like that, they are just doing what they believe is best for us.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I wonder too, whether the kid blew the conflict up to epic proportions (as kids often do) when telling the parents. At which point the parents naturally take their kids side and suggest the kid drops that friend.
#6
"If you ignore bullies they will go away."
François Bouzigues 2 years ago
But "If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by" part was true
Jack Lowry 2 years ago
Yep, one of mine was killed by the Police in a shoot out. The whole county rejoiced.
Load More Replies... Roger9er 2 years ago
They will if you smash their face. Talking from experience. It's the only language they understand.
E Schmitt 2 years ago
Some people only understand violence. Kindness is seen as weakness. Sad but true.
Load More Replies... Doctor Strange 2 years ago
Bullies COUNT on you doing this. "Silence means assent" is the bullies' creed, because as long as there is no consequences for their actions, it means it is ok for them to continue.
Mike Crow 2 years ago
Depends. Sometimes going to the teacher or parent makes it worse, sometimes even standing up to them makes it worse. It all depends who they are.
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Annie 1973 2 years ago (edited)
Tattling to my daughter who was absolutely furious that I got involved as it wasn't my place. I tried to tell my daughter that I'd spoken to her because I trusted her and I didn't understand how she would let her son bully another child. This was 2 months ago. Last weekend I saw my grandkids and I asked him how it was at school with the bully. Apparently they are friends now...... No mention from my daughter about that. My grandson told me that the bully came to him and said he was really sorry for being horrible to him and wanted to be friends. So they've been playing together for the past 2 months without any issues. Still it wasn't my place to talk with the mom apparently
Annie 1973 2 years ago
My eldest grandchild, aged 8, has been bullied by the same boy for the past 2 years. My daughter has spent many hours at meetings at the school and on the phone with the school trying to get them to deal with it.. No tolerance for bullies yeah right. My grandchild has been having nightmares about going to school and not wanting to go. I know the mom of the bully, and I know her mom as well. Both have been my support worker at different times and I've trusted them with my life on many occasions so I honestly didn't understand why she didn't deal with the bullying. So I took it upon myself to message her on Facebook. Asked her to talk to her son and to tell him bullying wasn't allowed. That I had entrusted my life to her and her mom and I didn't want my grandson to end his life because he couldn't cope with it anymore. A friend of mine at school took her life at 10 because the school her parents had moved her to allowed her to be bullied. She said she'd deal with it, which included
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
When I was at school, I found that if you hit the first one back with a fire extinguisher, they all left you alone for the year. Every year I had to remind them with, say, a wooden science stool or a metal locker door. I had real issues when I was a kid
Anne 2 years ago
They really call them meatheads for a reason, don't they?
Load More Replies... That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
This is totally fücked up. Bullies will only see this as a signal to go on.
Lynette Vella 2 years ago
OMG< I heard that SO MANY times! No, they just get more aggression and even violent.
We also asked Timdood3 what he thought of the responses to his post and why he believes parents instill these unhealthy lessons in their children. "Obviously there are far too many responses for me to have kept up with, but the most common ones by far are religious, racist, sexist or outright abusive," he noted, adding that he supposes there are two major factors behind why so many people have stories like these. "First, people are eager to have people agree with them to feel validated. And second, kids are vulnerable, impressionable, and trusting. They don't know any better, and that makes it so so easy to convince them to think the way we do, which feeds our desire for validation."
"While a great majority of responses have probably been brought up in therapy, there were lighthearted responses too, like reframing the fairy tales we all grew up with, like the tooth fairy and Santa Claus," the OP pointed out. "Those really got a laugh out of me!"
#7
Parents and other related adults would give me awful s**t any time I didn’t want to kiss/hug my male cousins and relatives or deal with them physically touching me to “wrestle” or “play,” saying that I was hurting their feelings. Basically just teaching me that my feelings didn’t matter about my own body.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Exactly how I felt when my mum and brother kept tickling me when I was a kid, even though I said no (and would wet myself).
- 2 years ago
That's awful - your mother taught by example and set a bad one. The two sound sadistic.
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Annie 1973 2 years ago
When I was 8 years old my abusive mother told me something that really set deep scars in me. The previous night her brother had r*ped and so*demised me and when I told her the next day she said I obviously forced him to do it to me because I was a sl*t. When I begged her to call the police she told me that they wouldn't believe an 8 year old over 2 adults who said nothing happened. That she would kill me if I went to the police or told anyone. Both dead now and I can finally talk about it.
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
Respect your gut feelings, most of the time they're warning you of danger. 😳
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
I don't like being touched really either. My brother really pisses me off because he makes a game of poking me when I ask him not to.
notlikeyou1971 2 years ago
I hated being forced to give and receive affection when I didn't want it or wasn't comfortable with it.
Ora Hall 2 years ago
I had an aunt who ashed me if I had been brought up in a refrigerator because I didn't want to hug or kiss her. I should have told her that it was her sister's fault but I didn't think of it at the time.
Load More Replies... #8
Do not ever be a bother to anyone. Solve all your problems by yourself.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
I tend to do this mostly because other people do not want to prioritise me (or anyone else apart from themselves anyway), so it's just more efficient. I'm not saying it's a bad thing , just realistic. It's rare to find someone else who is efficient and willing to prioritise someone else's projects/needs.
Lama 2 years ago
You don't have to prioritise someone you're helping. You can help while still tending to your own needs. That's actually the healthy way to do it.
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 2 years ago
This was never started out loud to me but the impression was clear when crying from an injury led to more beating. Don't cry and hide your injuries. ✔️ Next lesson.
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
Not true. You may have to try a bit to ask for help, so do that when you need help, sometimes you can work things out for yourself but it's important not to be solitary all of the time or you'll get stuck on things and never finish them.
Charley128 2 years ago
Are you part of my family? How many times I asked my Mom to talk and she rolled her eyes. Always had time for my brother though.
Paulsible deniability 2 years ago
My dad used to tell me this all the time. Some of the worst advice ever. Damaged me as a Chile/adolescent. You're not born knowing how to fix everything. Friends, family, and people who deal with whatever the problem is, can make you life much easier/better.
Janine Randall 2 years ago
Having had lots of boyfriends, friends and relatives burn my trust to the ground, I'm pretty much the only one I depend on.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
There's a fine line with this one. Teaching a kid to be independent and solve their own problems is good. But it's impossible to solve *all* your problems by yourself, so it's probably more important to teach them when they need to seek assistance.
"My partner and I agree that we're not ready for kids for a variety of reasons, but a lack of parenting wisdom isn't one of them," Timdood3 went on to share. "I think the most important lesson to impart on kids above all else it to treat everyone with respect and compassion, and not in the 'let people take advantage of you' way. Understand that every person you see is living their own life, just like you. No one is better than anyone else. Everyone deserves kindness. Be kind, especially to yourself."
#9
My dad was “teaching” me about credit cards and said you can just make the minimum payment every month. It blew my mind, made it seem like free money. Thank god I didn’t take that advice. I pay my credit card off every month and he’s drowning in credit card debt.
Anne Jones 2 years ago
I always told my kids that when you use a credit card, you aren’t spending money, you are borrowing money, and you will need to pay it back.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I don't use credit cards. I have a debit card and a bank account that has no overdraft capability so that if I try to spend more than what I have, I can't
jdtimid123 2 years ago
I was never really taught much about staying out of debt, mostly because I think my parents also didn't really know any better themselves at the the time. So I'm finally starting to get things paid down, and know myself better than to think I can handle the responsibility of yet another credit card.
Tetelestai 2 years ago
From the beginning of hearing of what credit cards are… I immediately asked “why don’t you just use the money in your bank and save up for the things that cost a lot…” my mom explained that sometimes it was for money that wasn’t all there, or that stores used to have their own credits that you’d subscribe for. I still don’t understand the logic behind using money that isn’t yours to buy something you “need” to have, when you’re going to be in the hole and then some because of interest. Why is the interest that we give banks more than the interest we GET from banks? I don’t know.
notlikeyou1971 2 years ago
Glad when I had a landlord who was older. He taught us all to pay cards in full if possible.Taught us how important your credit report is
#10
Situation awareness, what seems odd or out of place. Felt like i was being trained by batman when I realized what he was doing… dads from a ruff part of mexico with a lot of Narco gang wars… so, he was just teaching me to read if a place or a situation was “out of the ordinary”.
Anne Jones 2 years ago (edited)
That’s good advice isn’t it? Be aware of your surroundings and trust your instincts.
Libstak 2 years ago
Best advice. It also means you learn not to be day dreaming or zoning out in important situations, like when driving or crossing busy roads. I've been spared a few pickpocketing events by doing this too, they target those who are distracted, look them in the eye before they get too close and watch them seek other targets. It's almost entertaining especially if they catch you looking and pull back again and again from others while getting frustrated.
R Dennis 2 years ago
How is situational awareness messed up? I taught my daughter to always be aware of her surroundings and some basic self defense stuff. I don't want her fighting, but I also don't want her victimized. One should always be aware of their surroundings.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Just as long as it doesn't get to the Hit-Girl/Big Daddy (from Kick-a*s) levels of paranoia.
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Dak Janiels 2 years ago
Like everyone else is saying- while this is EXCELLENT advice, and it technically doesn't belong on this list - its great advice for everyone to see, especially in this day and age. Always know nearby exits, notice people that seem like they "don't belong".
DC 2 years ago
Depending on the situation, this may very, very well be a very, very good advice. In case you live in a safe environment, are a member of the ethnic majority and/or religious majority, you may never experience any danger. In case you're a member of a minority - be it ethnically, sexually, religiously, whateveryouarely - in a poor environment, this may be the most important lesson you ever learn in order to remain alive.......
Stacy Madl 2 years ago (edited)
I grew up a little Demon child, in a very bad part of Toronto, I was running around at 14, doing substances, coming home at 4AM through sketchy parks and jumping sketchy train tracks. My mom long before that had always taught me to watch my surroundings if I was alone or it was late. I definitely belive it saved my hide on more than a few occasions with all the c**p I pulling in my teenage years. You don't have to be paranoid, but pay attention to whose walking around you, how are they acting, watch for dark alleys or dumpsters someone could jump out of. And arguably to me the most important, trust your gut, I've bolted in the middle of an empty field just cause I got that sick dread feeling and saw 3 men walking into where I just was. Always trust your gut.
#11
Let boys think they're smarter than you. Nobody wants to go out with a smart girl.
Roger9er 2 years ago
If you're smart but play dumb because you think that's cute: it's not. It's annoying.
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
People need to stop lying about who they are. That's the tactic of a con & an abuser.
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R Dennis 2 years ago
I don't care how physically attractive I may find a girl, if she's dumb I no longer find her attractive at all. Intelligence is really attractive and definitely slides them up or down the scale for me. (And before all the hostility starts, this isn't about beauty standards. It's about attraction, which is subjective.)
Roger9er 2 years ago (edited)
I absolutely agree with your statement. Especially humor is very important as well.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I prefer mine smarter than me, because that makes them more reliable.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I'm smart but my Bev... Holy cow, is she so much smarter than me! I refer to her as my personal scientist
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 2 years ago
Like Annabeth Chase? Cause she’s borderline genius.
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Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
I’m 62 now, and when I was in high school (graduated 1978) I absolutely HATED seeing so many of my brilliant female classmates dumb themselves down for some idiot boy. I always thought it was ridiculous that they had to lower themselves down to their boyfriends’ level. Why TF couldn’t the boys raise themselves up to their girlfriends’ level? Unfortunately, most of them were too besotted with their boyfriends to really hear what I was saying. And, of course, most of the boys who asked me out ended up being either shocked or just intimidated that I wasn’t going to play the airheaded girlfriend so they could look smart. F**k their egos, what about mine? Needless to say, I didn’t date much in high school—-but I had a lot of friends, including quite a few of the boys who couldn’t handle dating me.
Where's_My_Adderall 2 years ago
I'm stupid as s**t and love smart women. then we can laugh about my impulsive, stupid decisions together.
#12
Upon hearing stories of my childhood my husband had to break it to me that it was not in fact normal for moms to share their anti-psychotic meds (or “chill pills”, as she would call them) with their young children.
Moos 2 years ago
This whole list should be brought out every time smbdy starts with "EveRyboDY SHouLd hAve KiDz" spiel. no, just no.
Snake Queen 2 years ago
All kids should have parents, but not all parents should have kids
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brandyy17 2 years ago
um this could kill a child. drugs prescribed for adults r usually set to a safe dosage for adults not children. like if i had a child who had epilepsy like me i wouldnt say here take this 600 miligrams of my meds. it would probably kill them or cause health issues. there r child doses and medications for kids for a reason
Anne 2 years ago
Nevermind the fact he's giving a kid medicine he DOESNT NEED. Do you know what antipsychotics do? Kids lucky his brain hasn't melted.
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#13
That there was nothing that could be done about my superheavy periods, that it ran in the family and that was it. Found out when I was thirty that there are literal doctors for that and got on birth control and just like that, normal periods. I had missed so much school and work and suffered in pain and nausea since I was 12 for nothing. Thanks, Mom.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
If it ran in the family maybe she had been told the same thing or just didn't know?
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
very likely. this is very likely genuine ignorance not malice
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robin aldrich 2 years ago
It probably started way back because gynecologists were all male and didn't necessarily take women's complaints about our bodies seriously because they knew better ....that's still a problem.
majandess 2 years ago
My mom didn't believe that I had horrible PMS because she didn't have it. She thought I was just being a drama queen. And this is why I illegally bought birth control pills from Mexico and just didn't ever do the week off thing.
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Nightshade1972 2 years ago
I hit puberty about six weeks before I turned 13. Went through menstrual hell for the next 20 years. My emotionally abusive mother loved to tell me that "every girl gets cramps, you're not special, STFU and deal with it." I ended up having a total hysterectomy (uterus, both ovaries, cervix) just before I turned 32. The day before my surgery was when my mother decided to tell me that my maternal great grandmother had a hysto at 26. My mother went into early menopause at 38. Yet somehow I was "lying for attention" for 20 years. My mother died of cancer three years ago. I'm not sorry she's gone.
Pix 2 years ago
Did we have the same mother? I was only diagnosed with fibroids and finally being allowed to go on the waiting list for a hysterectomy last year. I'm 38. I'm still waiting.
Stephanie Cunningham 2 years ago
When I was 13 and suffering from terrible cramps each month, my mom basically told me that I needed to suck it up and deal with it, because it was going to happen for 40 more years. Turns out I had severe endometriosis and fibroid tumors. I ended up having a hysterectomy at 40 and it changed my life.
TheElderNom 2 years ago
I was told that super painful periods were normal and nothing could be done, besides ibuprofen, paracetamol and a hot wheat pillow, if that didn't help I should stop whining since all women deal with this. This by a female nurse. Back then I often vomited since I was I so much pain. I've also missed lots of school and work because of pain. It was the missing work part that finally got me to seek medical attention again as an adult, I got birth control and haven't had a period or any issues since. I was also told it wasn't normal, though it wasn't unusual, but no one should have to live like that and that there were several things we could try, and that we should check for certain conditions.
detective miller's hat 2 years ago
Yep. Wasn't allowed to go on birth control. Because apparently going on the pill means I would automatically start having sex with every boy I met, or something.
Sunny Day 2 years ago
Friend went through this. 'It's normal. Suck it up. Go to school.". Until she was in labor with her first kid and the doctors thought labor wasn't progressing because she hadn't had any contractions. . They put a monitor on her and said "don't you feel that?". "Yeah, but labor is supposed to hurt, and that's just like the period cramps I get every month.". "oh, we're gonna talk about that after we get this baby out."
Ruth Watry 2 years ago
When I was 19 a doctor told my dad that I could get pregnant or go on the pill for my cramps
#14
That anytime something bad happened, it was just a dream and if I talked about it, then I was just seeking attention and no one would believe me. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s when my brother brought up some of the terrible things that happened to me that I realized I wasn’t going crazy.
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
Sounds like there was a lot of covering up bad stuff that was happening & they knew it!!
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
No need for the gaslighting. A solid threat and a swift beating to prove the threat was real was my mom's tactic.
Sami-Jo Ross 2 years ago
This is literal gaslighting, not even an exaggeration. This is textbook gaslighting.
#15
1. Mental illness is not real. You are just thinking of it, and you dont pray enough.
2. Being gay is wrong.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
Ah yes. I got the "mental illness isn't real" schtick from my mom too, except her reasoning is that depressed people "just want attention" and "can feel better whenever they WANT to". At least I didn't get any forced praying/religious indoctrination along with it, for what that's worth.
Annie 1973 2 years ago
I was told by a person in authority who was in charge of what support I needed that I just had to repeat the phrase, I don't have anxiety to myself 10 times and then my anxiety would disappear. She got incredibly angry with me when I told her it didn't work like that. She then cut off my support care saying I refused it and I had to take social services to court over it to get my support worker back.
Load More Replies... That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
Just a reminder, if this is triggering you, you can always leave the list.
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
thank you. i think i'm gonna leave now.
Load More Replies... DC 2 years ago (edited)
When I was 15, I had a girlfriend (also 15). Whenever anything went wrong, her stepmother (her mother died when she was 2 or 3 years old) would accuse her of not having prayed enough. She wasted her time practicing math instead of praying, which got her a 2 (2nd best grade aroud here), which was not good enough - because, had she prayed for god to math her up, he'd have, and that, of course, would have resulted in a 1, an A. Instead, she upset him with insufficient evening prayer, just like every day, which made god make her wet the bed. Because this was god's will, it was also meant to be shared with everybody (she had more than one weird habit). The stepmother hated me ... but, one of the very first times I was there, she opened the door: "Hello DC, Maren wet her bed again tonight.", with Maren (made-up name...) standing behind her, crying. Stepmother prayed for her to get rid of me, prayed for her to see what a disgusting POS I was. I got lectured on that when I got caught sneaking in a sample diaper I got from the pharmacy. That not only made me a POS for interfering with her upbrinding (I was no older than her...), but also for defeating god's will of Maren waking up soaked in pee. Eventually, her Dad left their cultish church ... and the stepmother was kicked outof the house. There seems to have been a lot more to it, more abuse I don't know any details of, ...
Violet1854 2 years ago
Totally relate to this. My parents believe that others have it worse than you and that you ought to smile, eat, play and not talk about your mental condition, 'cause its just all "made in the head". The LGBTQ+ community, according to them, must take proper hormonal treatments and that the ones that are not 'cured' should not be let around as they are a bad influence
Nezuko_Chan 2 years ago
My family says god loves you either way I mean what would god do to you if you were gay/lesbian/bi
Tetelestai 2 years ago
What’s funny is that some people think that being lgbtq IS a mental illness. Hope that wasn’t the reasoning for these parents •.•
Richard Henderson 2 years ago
Religion is probably the source of mountains of bad advice and outright abuse.
Saint Tim the Godless 2 years ago
If someone is religious, don't f*****g listen to them. It's that simple.
Dan Holden 2 years ago
But it's not that simple when you are brainwashed to believe that (insert your favorite religion here) is the truth, and holds all the answers.
Load More Replies... brandyy17 2 years ago
the first one i kno well. im unable to work or get a job in general bc my parents didnt believe my anxeity was a real disorder until i was in my mid 20s. by then it was too late alot of trauma and bad situations had taken route and caused fears in many ways. i cant even order a pizza unless it a place i kno well and have met the ppl who work there multiple times. my husband does all the food ordering cuz of that.
#16
"If a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you!" Took me a while to learn what a healthy relationship was when I hit adulthood.
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
My teachers assistant told me this. I nearly strangled her. She was always annoying.
Load More Replies... Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I taught my daughter and my sisters that if a boy is mean to you, kick them in the bollocks. I got into so much trouble for that, but it was worth it
Jill Bussey 2 years ago
The worst part of this is that this is still being told to girls. It is not acceptable and needs to stop now.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Boys pick on the girls they find unattractive. They act like they find your existence insulting and are determined to erase you from any aspect of their lives.
Niall Mac Iomera 2 years ago (edited)
I think this one is the sad result of boys being conditioned to not show affection / appear vulnerable. They feel something, and theyre allowed to show aggression when they have strong feelings, so they do that.
#17
That every interaction with other people is transactional in some way. Nobody ever wants to be around you just because they like you.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Sort of right but as I see it, I trade my humour for your happiness, my jokes for your laughter, my stories for your enjoyment and my past for your consideration
Sonja 2 years ago
I trade food for happy faces, flowers for joy, and an open ear for the feeling of being needed and wanted. In a way, even the healthiest relationship is indeed transactional. But without the expectation or need of everything being paid of in similar currency. Appreciation and friendship are very valuable things to get back for kindness.
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BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
They may have been victims of this, and were trying to look out for their kids, so they don't have to go through the same experience. Still a wild (and wrong) generalisation though
Helen Bennett 2 years ago
My mum kind of did this, referring to "cupboard love" all the time ie "x only values this relationship because they get fed". And of course that was far from the only messed up behaviour. Not surprising that my brother and I both had a very low sense of self worth.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
It may change with time, but this is an excellent starting assumption when you meet people.
Pat C 2 years ago
Modern society advises people to avoid toxic relationships, one’s that don’t make you happy, or even.. one’s where you don’t receive the same effort or joy that you put into it. The premise of avoiding one-sided relationships implies that relationships are transactional in nature. This isn’t bad advise - they likely could have elaborated a little more, but maybe we should just try looking at things through different lenses.
Ligeia Datura 2 years ago
Mhm my mom was like this too. "Franco and Mark are just hanging out with you because they either want to get laid or get you to do their homework!" Franco and Mark are married to each other now lol. And they always got better grades than me. :P mom
Shelby Richeson 2 years ago
This is me. Why on EARTH would anyone want to talk to me? They want something, be it a favor or to bully me like everyone's always done. I LITERALLY AM INCAPABLE of believing someone seriously wants to talk to me or be my friend or would compliment me. I am suspicious of EVERYONE. I have two friends and I'm still shocked they speak to me.
#18
My parents told me that I had a limited number of words and when I got to that limit I would die. I guess it was an easy way to make me shut up.
DC 2 years ago
May be ... may very well be, tbh, but we don't really know the context. Kids who have silence issues can speak all day, and it's kinda frightening how much blabbery it takes to tire them out the slightest bit. By then, your ears are ringing, you gathered every bit of knowledge about some cartoon you don't care about, had the menu of the recent week recited a few times, slightly changing every round, then you take a look at your watch and discover that there's another 10000 words to survive left... And then, ... you may end up using wicked predictions like this one. Or, you just walked in, it's your own kids, and you're not of the loving kind, so you tell them whatever shuts them up... I don't think these are the same, but very different in when and why such a threatening, made up, circumstance is issued to them.
Load More Replies... detective miller's hat 2 years ago
That sounds like something I would have told one of my younger siblings to be honest....
brandyy17 2 years ago
thats horrifying! almost as bad as my friends mom telling her that if she talks about illness to anyone she will die from it. in case ur wondering my friend was hospitalized alot as a kid cuz she took her parents words seriously until she was 13. i told her all about me and didnt die boy was she mad. it caused quite the drama at her house.
#19
How to lie or avoid situations where truthful responses would get me in trouble.
Anytime I spoke up about anything really id be ridiculed and put down by my mother so I stopped talking. If I told her something good happened at school she'd ask why I was still getting such bad grades.
So I just stopped talking.
Sunny Day 2 years ago
My mom always had this avid look in her eyes, waiting for my reaction, good or bad. She wanted something to tell her gossip friends. So I stopped reacting. Everything was "ok', "yes", or "no" with a blank look. I also learned quickly not to ask her anything or tell her anything that I didn't want announced to everyone she knew, or strangers she ran into.
Jennifer Deyarmin 2 years ago
I learned to lie because my mom quite often didn't believe the truth. She always wanted me to be a reblious kid like her so she often didn't believe it my innocent and truthful responses were lies and would demand the truth. I would have to make up a more incriminating excuse. Then she would replay with a "See, it's better to tell me the truth." That was one of the many things she taught me that have left me with habits that still resurface no matter how much I work on improving myself .
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
You've learned self preservation. Very helpful when you're dealing with a negative person.👍
#20
That having and expressing emotions was shameful. Thats some b******t.
robin aldrich 2 years ago
I'd like to apologize to all the young boys who are raised that way.... as a woman "of a certain age", I see it's still happening....it's wrong! if you're hurt. You can cry ...if you need a hug, I'm all about hugs. I'd like to give them all the big warm hug.
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
ANytime you cried you just got called a baby even if a limb was hanging off.
Tetelestai 2 years ago
My arm was broken and I didn’t shed a tear, at 8 years old 😃 not bragging, just saying people have different pain tolerance
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LG4U RANGER 2 years ago
Well when you throw a tantrum at the store because mommy won’t buy you a toy or you were that b***h that cried because you lost and didn’t get a trophy then yeah she was right. Suck it up buttercup and learn how to deal with your s**t. Everyone has problems and deals with them on a daily basis. The sooner you crybabies accept that bad things happen to everyone the better your outlook will be.
Carrie Davis 2 years ago
Uh no. Immature tantrums are quite different from showing emotion due to real physical or psychological pain. So I was a cry baby because I cried when it hurt like hell when I broke my ankle at 7 years old? Or because I got so rattled when other kids constantly tormented me with mean names from grade school all through high school? You are the type person this post is referring to.
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Dak Janiels 2 years ago
If you've ever been ridiculed, slapped or generally abused for crying or having emotions other than FAKE happiness, you get this.
Tetelestai 2 years ago (edited)
My sister is told that she shouldn’t cry about everything, and I am told I shouldn’t be so quiet and am asked if I’m too quiet what’s wrong. Truthfully, if I’m more quiet than normal, I am irritated because my sister has been yelling way too much. My father is the white, I am the black, my sister is a light shade of gray, and my mother is a medium dark gray. If we’re to talk about expressing emotions, then switch my father and sister
#21
My dad instilled crippling perfectionism in me, which I realized was insane when I got older and people told me to just “do my best.”
When I was in grade school, I would come to my dad with A’s all super excited. But, if it was anything less than a 100%, he would ask for the missing percentage. So, when I had a 98%, he’d say “well where’s the 2%?” And now, if I do anything less than perfect, I beat myself up
- 2 years ago (edited)
One of my colleagues has a learning disability and was put down by her family. I found a few ways to boost her self-confidence: show her how to do something that she doesn't know and make her try it so she learns it; if I don't know something, I suggest she do research and get back to me; tell her "It was hard for me, too, when I started learning that". By the way, sometimes she teaches me and she does love learning new techniques. When I had self-confidence problems at another job, the boss gave me "easy" assignments. That made it worse for me.
Danish Susanne 2 years ago
That last sentence I thought was a pity, because your boss propably tried to boost your self-confidence by getting you assignments he believed you could do with ease.
Load More Replies... Violet1854 2 years ago (edited)
Common occurrence, ig, in most Indian families, as I have heard. Took me a while to finally realize that it is common for your current mental and/or physical condition to affect your studies and that it is fine to take a healthy break when you need to.
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
Unfortunately, this was a common parenting/educational strategy. They thought that if you're praised for anything less than 100%, then they're not encouraging you to be the best version of yourself. It backfires of course, coz perfection is impossible. I was always taught to AIM for 100%, coz that way, even if i miss the target, it will still be high. Unlike, for example, aiming for just a passing grade, coz then, if you miss, you've failed.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I think you can still try to get your kid to shoot for the 100% for exactly the reason you said. But there's no reason you can't still get praised for a 98% as well. I remember some of my early maths tests being 98% type ones and the errors were always dumb mistakes from being in a hurry. So my parents would try to teach me to take more time and use a bit more care.
Load More Replies... EarthGrowl 2 years ago
I did this to myself. I discovered I was really interested in social studies and history and reading comprehension in general. I read at an 11th grade level in 5th grade. It was so easy to get good grades and feel smarter than everyone else. It did give me self-confidence but I later realized perfection is impossible and the world operates at a 'very good' level. You will never get everything done perfectly on the first try and having to go back and fix a minor mistake is Normal. It doesn't mean you are bad at that job. Constant catastrophic mistakes means you probably need to find another line of work.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
My mom would say, "Did you pass?" and if I told her the percentage she would reply "I said did you pass, not did you score the highest" she believed that if you can do it then scoring someone on how well they can do it was pointless. Specially when you would improve on your skills as you get older. Who will grade you when you leave school?
robin aldrich 2 years ago
Don't mean to promote violence but I'd like to b***h-slap your father.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Crippling perfectionism here too to the point where I have terrible OCD as an adult (and I'm still learning and noticing ticks). But with my younger sister, sure, a D in math and a C- in reading is okay...
Eastendbird 2 years ago
My Dad was the same. Nothing was ever good enough except perfection. I loved to act and was always involved in Drama clubs. When I went to university my Dad came and watched the first production I was in. His feedback afterwards was "Well, you've got better, which is good, because there was a lot of room for improvement..." I remember telling the guy I was going out with at the time and he just looked at me and said "That's..pretty harsh.." And it suddenly struck me, for the first time, that that wasn't a supportive way to talk to your daughter.
#22
My mom taught me that when you have bug bites, you should scratch them until they bleed, and then rub salt on them to make them stop itching.
It wasn't until I was 23 and passed that "home remedy" on to a friend and they immediately told me how masochistic it was that I realized something was weird about it.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
or you can get antihistamine cream, which works better and doesn't leave you with scars.
Susan Reid Smith 2 years ago
If you want a home remedy, baking soda paste helps.
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Huddo's sister 2 years ago
My next door neighbours used to put vinegar on all scrapes and bites. Made me think if the Windex in My big fat Greek wedding
BluEyedSeoulite 2 years ago
Vinegar is an anti inflammatory and reduces the burning/stinging feeling so it actually does work. Smells terrible tho. My mom would use it for bug bites and sun burns. My dad would go to the store and by the more effective ointments lol
Load More Replies... Where's_My_Adderall 2 years ago
i have scars all over my legs from doing something similar lol
Tetelestai 2 years ago
My mom knows it’s a bad habit that she picks her scabs… I got a lot of bad habits from her, but THAT one I haven’t quite caught. You can always use toothpaste on mosquito bites, too 😉
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
weird yeah but, I cut mine open and pour rubbing alcohol into them. It's the only thing that is guaranteed to stop the itch.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
For stings use a small piece of surgical tape to tap the area to try and get the stinger out or tweezers if you can see it then a mild antiseptic to clean up. For bites, don't use the tape or tweezers
#23
My Dad told me he could drink beer in the car if he drank it while the car was stopped. It’s only drinking and driving if the car is in motion. I was like makes sense. I was around 4.
Moos 2 years ago
That should have been such a moment of reflection for him. "what is my life if I have to make up lies for my 4 yo"
François Bouzigues 2 years ago
My late father once told me dead serious : when i got my driving license, i could legally drive as fast as i wanted, as drunk as i wanted as long as I did not provoke any accident. Crazy times
David Wambold 2 years ago
If he is legally drunk that should be OK. Only bad if you're illegally drunk right.
DippityDooDerp 2 years ago
Fun fact. Mississippi is the only state that allows an open container of alcohol in your car as long as your BAC is under 0.08%
Lady of the Mountains 2 years ago
Some states have open bottle laws, bottles in vehicles cannot be open, no matter who or when
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Sure. When you shift the car into drive, the alcohol shifts into neutral. That's some automatic transmission!
Alena Jaweed 2 years ago
so glad im from an indian family where no one drinks. im quite a young minor, who doesnt share literally over half of moral/political views with my conservative muslim parents, but ive just never understood some things about the western world, like why the hell drinking is even a thing. even if it is, why is it so normalized
#24
Apparently healthy conflict resolution doesn't involve complete avoidance in the form of locking yourself in the bedroom for days on end.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Or the flip side, get locked in your room against your will for the whole day and "you can come out when your dad gets home and it's time for dinner...then you'll do the dishes and go back to your room to think about what you've done."
Ruth Harper 2 years ago
True. But on the flip side, some of us really do need cooling off time. I hate it when people try to force me to deal with things right then and there even when I say I need to step away for a few minutes.
#25
"Only TV families resolve their problems and apologize after a big fight. Real families just act like it never happened."
robin aldrich 2 years ago
Ah, yes, the "ignore it and it will go away" method..... FYI: doesn't work.
Janner Wingfeather 2 years ago
I don’t think I’ve ever actually resolved a disagreement with my parents.
Load More Replies... Cyber Returns 2 years ago
In our house, it was more keeping me out of fights. The funniest line I heard was someone wanted to beat me up and my brother stood between us, and he is built with fully functional battle muscle (He never had a problem looking for a girlfriend either), and said "You fight me, you walk away. You fight my brother, I get a sponge. What's it going to be?"
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Sometimes you do have to let stuff slide. Recognizing our flaws takes time and nagging isn't going to make a person learn faster.
- 2 years ago
I think the wisdom is in knowing how to react on a case-by-case basis.
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#26
That if you're not bleeding, vomiting, or broken, you don't get to cry about it
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Wait, what?! Other people get to cry for bleeding, vomiting, or being broken?! I got REALLY ripped off!
Mysteria 2 years ago (edited)
YEP! Heard it ever since I was about 5! Only recently stopped because my mom went to therapy. Does that mean I will ever forgive her? Hell no. She’s dead to me once I’m 18. Sorry I’m rambling. Edit: Before someone says that forcing me to never cry isn’t enough to enforce no contact, she’s done other things.
detective miller's hat 2 years ago
This was my mother's response if any of us weren't feeling well and didn't want to go to school. Also the reason I was walking around with a broken leg for 3 days before my art teacher took me to urgent care. :/
Paulsible deniability 2 years ago
Even if I was physically injured, my dad would tell me to stop crying or he would give me something to cry about.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
My mom was quick to spot if we were ill and took a lot of care of us. I remember having tonsillitis and my mom borrowing my walkie-talkies when she went up the road to buy ice cream and jelly so that I would know she would be able to come back immediately if there were any problems
C .Hunger 2 years ago
If you have more the one child, I can see this being rule just to keep sanity in the house!
Ken Beattie 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this one stems from simply trying to stop little kids from crying about *everything*. My pencil broke, tears. A mosquito bit me, tears. It's about moderating your emotional responses to a more reasonable level. Not "you're never allowed to cry ever". edit: I should say most parents. I'm sure there are also awful ones who don't want you crying when your Grandma dies or you've broken your arm is 4 places.
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DonnerDinnerParty 2 years ago
My mom would say "I don't want to hear from you unless you are DEAD, DIEING, OR BLEEDING " 🤦🏻♂️ Also when crying telling us if we keep it up she'll give us something to cry about.
#27
"If someone ever touches you hit them back and don't stop hitting until they stop moving"
-> my dad who is facing his third attempted [criminal] charge.
The Other Guest 2 years ago
I'm assuming that it's a murder charge. Getting awful tired of Bored Panda "sanitizing" everything. Do they think their readers are six years old?
- 2 years ago
My mother witnessed a 12-year-old beating another kid in a rage. Turned out the second kid had called the first kid's mother "a wh0re" and the first kid's stepfather told him "You have to defend your mother's honour". If I was the mother, I'd have told my kid it's not serious as an insult (too easy) and maybe discussed s**t-shaming. Awful things have been committed in the name of "honour".
SGH 2 years ago
Nothing wrong with dishing it out if someone calls your mother a whore!
Load More Replies... Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Don't fight in anger. Self-defence is fine, but don't go over the top. If they are down, stand over them, so they know you can carry on but are choosing not to. I learned this late in my childhood and it has served me well
Christopher Reeves 2 years ago
Dear BoredPanda, Have you read through the list of emotionally charged, heavy things people have had to deal with here? Do you seriously think we can't deal with the ACTUAL words that deal with the various ways of "unliving"? Please eliminate the highly unnecessary editing and censorship. Better still - why not create filter that can be run by ONLY those with sensitivities to certain topics. Personally, I'm offended by headlines that have very little to do with the article that follows. And yet...
DippityDooDerp 2 years ago
Hate to say it but I think the dad is referring to SA and, in that case, that's great advice.
#28
Definitely not as bad as a lot of these other ones, and I know it wasn't done on purpose to be malicious, but to eat when I was sad or upset. It's easier and faster to tell a kid to go eat something as a distraction than it is to sit down and deal with it - especially if said kid is upset a lot due to living in abusive environments, getting bullied at school, etc. It definitely really f****d up my relationship with food, leading to emotional eating, overweight turning into obesity, even more bullying, disordered eating and other mental health issues. I realized probably 15 years ago that this was an issue/the cause of it but even though I know that, it's still something I'm working on unlearning.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
My mom would ask what would cheer us up, and then we would do it, whether its watching TV, making a cake or farting in a jar. If it made us happy when we were upset, we did it
Auntriarch 2 years ago
Farting in a jar? I'm already cheered up at the thought
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athornedrose 2 years ago
yes. a problem i inherited from my mother as well. really screws up your relationship with food and your body
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
Sending virtual hugs! ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ I wish you well on your journey!
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
Keep working on it and you will be able to handle the problem. There isn't a quick fix for an eating disorder. 🥲👍
Pat C 2 years ago
As a millennial, it took me a while to realize that our parents didn’t have the same resources we do when it comes to raising kids - they’re humans. They didn’t have things like the internet to turn to if they needed input on how to help their children, or themselves, through a problem or difficult time. They used what was available to them: personal experience and generational ‘knowledge’ on how to protect their kids. As such, they often shared advice to prevent their kids from a pain they felt as kids; good or bad, they were usually well-intentioned. Honestly, it’s extremely likely your parents weren’t taught how to healthily process their emotions and were doing the best they knew. Just be thankful they actually tried and that you are fortunate enough to live in a world where referencing a plethora of expert opinions is as easy as asking your smartphone a simple question. I won’t hold people to the fire when they don’t have resources available to know any better.
#29
That parents are completely infallible. know exactly whats best for you, should never be questioned and you should do everything they ask you to do. Including being effectively a slave
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
"Did you just question me? Go get your father's belt and hurry up. And you better not be crying before I start beating you or else I'll definitely give you something to cry about!"
DonnerDinnerParty 2 years ago
Holy s**t, did we grow up in the same house and I just blocked it out along with childhood trauma?!? This was 100% my mother! She "accidentally" hit me across the face one time with the metal end of the belt. After that she went to wooden spatulas, until she broke one over my bare a*s. Then it turned to metal spatulas as they would only bend.
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Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I must have had a weird mom because if she was wrong, whether we knew it or not, she would come up to us and apologize and tell us what she got wrong
brandyy17 2 years ago
ya and this right here is y im considered sheltered and have a massive anxeity disorder. wen i got engaged my mom pulled my now husband aside and full out admitted that alot of my quirks and a good portion of my anxeity is their fault. she even told him to get me out of a bunch of habits and handed him a list. he showed me the list wen we got to his house and i broke down crying bc it wasnt a good portion of my anxeity...it was all of it. like one thing they told me was to never b out past 8pm and i couldnt go to certain places. one of the things on the list was "help her socialize and make more friends". only friends from childhood i still have r the ones who looked past my parents craziness which totals to 5. the majority of my friends r friends of my husband or my cousin who is the same age as me. ive reconnected with a few friends from childhood but only talking over facebook since everyone is kinda scattered now. those 5 friends ive kept since the beginning still all live in the same state and it not hard to see each other thankfully. all my husbands friends r his childhood friends and all live close by and its nice being able to see friends wenever. however i cant go shopping, to doctors appointments, out in public basically without my husband bc of my parents rules and sheltering. if i didnt listen to them depending on wat it was depended on how bad the punishment was. i still did alot of things behind my parents back which is y i can socialize without seeming child like or out of touch with reality. i have my best friend to thank for that. he covered for me alot and helped me thru alot too. only issue with our friendship was both of our parents thought we were dating....apparently to them a guy and a girl being best friends was odd. his parents were old school so i get it but my parents were strict and thought id become a tom boy so my mom turned to beautifying me. highlights make up the works. i hated it all. i never became a tom boy regardless of wat they thought tho. so they backed off and accepted it while his parents kept hoping one day wed say yes to us dating lol. it mightve happened too if it wasnt for me being in a grade above him. me going to college first kinda put a wedge between us cuz we couldnt hang out as often. i was so happy to get away from my parents wen i got engaged tho. even my best friend said i sounded and looked happier and healthier.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I really wish the site allowed us to break stuff up into paragraphs. Because I literally can't read that wall of text.
Load More Replies... BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
Yep... the old "honour thy father and mother" without question rule which has been abused by parents (not all of them of course) forever
Jennifer_Crowley_Luci 2 years ago
My childhood to a T! And yes, it did suck... I learned early on to appreciate the small happys..
#30
My mom told me that “you can fall in love with anyone.” The context was like go marry rich because you can fall in love with anyone. Terrible advice. I would tell my kids to find someone who is kind and makes them laugh.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Don't look for someone right now. Look for someone who is just right: My mom
Majungasaurus 2 years ago
Lol my older coworker used to tell me “marry for love the second time.” Took me a while to realize what she meant 😅
Michael Largey 2 years ago
If you really can fall in love with anyone, that's a problem, not a solution.
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
Damn. I recon that that was passed down from generation to generation since the Victorian times that's that bad of advice for romance.
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
There are more requirements for a decent human being. Teach them about being intelligent and compassionate.
As we delve into various parenting experiences, it becomes evident how diverse and unique people's perceptions are when it comes to raising children. The discrepancies often stem from a lack of firsthand experience and understanding.
This reminds us that the journey of parenting often involves overcoming numerous misconceptions and surprises along the way, much like those captured in the collection of humorous comments child-free individuals have once made. Exploring these anecdotes can provide an enlightening perspective on the realities of parenthood.
#31
Men use their head and hands for the will of god. Women use their hearts and bodies for the will of man.
Nezuko_Chan 2 years ago
There is some type of people (sorry if it’s racist I forgot what it’s called) who believe a women’s purpose in life is to reproduce and if you don’t (if the women doesn’t) have a child she won’t go to heaven
#32
That all adults should be blindly obeyed.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago (edited)
Jesus Christ! My mom would have gone to each of these people in all of these posts and slapped the stupid out of their parents!
Pam Belcher 2 years ago (edited)
I was 12 and a jr. bridesmaid. My mom made me dance with a relative I got bad vibes from. Tried to protest to no avail. He proceeded to rub is junk on my stomach the whole time. I taught my children about gut feelings and would never have made them do something that made them uncomfortable. I'm now 67 and still think about that horrible dance.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
I was lucky. Gen X realized adults were idiots when they couldn't program the VCR or operate something as simple as Microsoft Windows. You aren't going to trust conventional wisdom when you realize that wisdom doesn't work in a modern technologically advanced civilization.
#33
Self hatred. My mom had problems with her weight and projected those feelings onto me about my own body. She restricted my food, forced me to go to a dietitian at 12 years old, and was obsessed with making me exercise, and would fixate on the fact that I was growing out of my clothes because of my weight. There was one time when she wouldn't buy me new clothes until I lost weight. I felt very self conscious about my personal style when I was in middle school and I desperately wanted to change it but she refused to buy me new clothes unless I lost 10lbs or more. I was a little curvy but definitely not overweight at that time. I am now because I struggled with over eating to compensate for my emotional problems, I was also starving and snuck a lot of food in the middle of the night when I was still living at home. I developed an ED because of all of it, which I'm recovering from. I still struggle with self-confidence to this day. Even through all of that, the one thing I currently fixate on the most was when my mom scolded me for gaining weight before my wedding, and she was mad I had to get my wedding dress altered. I felt broken, incredibly flawed, and couldn't stop sobbing.
Andrea Wylie 2 years ago
this. My mom even did the whole "bought you a new outfit!" but it's a size too small as an "incentive" to lose weight. I never did wear those clothes.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Sending you a virtual hug. I hope you didn't let that sh*t get to you
Load More Replies... longlivethequeen554 2 years ago
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know what it's like to deal with a family that causes so much damage (mine's self worth and weight). Whilst it never truly goes away, you do learn to love yourself and cut out the toxic people.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah. Don't ever tell you kids "you'll get fat if you keep eating like that!" just because they dipped a piece of chicken into some sauce during dinner. Cue: a lifelong battle with anorexia. 🖕🏾
Nezuko_Chan 2 years ago
My brother and I are very I guess you could say skinny and I can never gain weight I’m tall for my age (or everyone else is just short for their’s) and my brothers tall too and a few months ago my doctor had informed my mom I had lost 2 pounds and she freaked out and I was like “isn’t that a good thing?” No. No it isn’t.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
definitely abuse. I'd cut her out and never speak to her again.
ThéviNinja 2 years ago
This hits home. I think in their own way, these moms thought they were helping, but the trauma from this is lasting.
#34
I asked my dad why he doesn't have friends over like I do. He told me "adults don't have friends, we have acquaintances." And it stuck with me for so long in my formative years that as an adult it's very hard for me to make friends. I'm personable, and I enjoy hanging out with people, but I don't really make friends.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
"No, Mom & Dad, you both don't have friends cuz you're shítty people."
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
I think i can relate with this. it's not that as an adult you don't have friends. It's just that you don't usually have much time to hang out together coz life takes over. So while you hang out every day when you're a kid, you're (usually) lucky to meet your friends once a month when you're an adult (mostly applies when you have kids or move somewhere a bit far)
Francine Oglethorpe 2 years ago
I get this one too. I have friends, but it's not like it was before marriage and kids. Making plans and a lot more difficult...plus I'm so damn tired!
robin aldrich 2 years ago
I like to say that's awful. It's different when you're an adult, making friends... but you still make friends and you may or may not keep your friends from your youth..... but that's an Awful thing to tell your kid.
jdtimid123 2 years ago
It's probably more that the dad has trouble making friends and assumed everyone else was the same.
#35
During a car ride my dad once explained to me the concept of "micro-murder." It was the idea that the seconds spent in traffic behind someone driving below the speed limit (and other instances of people inconveniencing you) were seconds of your life that you couldn't get back, and should be upset about.
I realize as an adult that he's got some issues and just needed an excuse to resent random people on the street.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I've tested this thing before. If you drive like a lunatic or if you drive on the speed limit, the result, inside a city, is the same, because the lights are timed. You just end up catching more lights. But you still get to your destination at about the same time. My best time was about 2 minutes sooner. It's not worth dying over or having an MVA over.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Lol I finally learned, after a stack of speeding tickets. I had a long stretch of highway between the city I lived in and the city I worked in. Driving the 20 miles down that two lane road at the speed limit was physically impossible for me. One day I was running at 80mph and caught up with a car doing the speed limit. I was in agony until I finally got a chance to pass them and they disappeared from my rear view. I got to the first red-light in town and had to stop. I had only been there a few seconds when the car I just passed pulled up beside me and the driver smirked at me. Driving like a lunatic and risking another ticket hadn't gotten me to my destination any faster! It was infuriating, I have only earned 1 speeding ticket in the years since and that was on interstate.
Load More Replies... Jared Robinson 2 years ago
he's going to lose a lot of seconds thinking about all of those lost seconds.
#36
Emotional self sufficiency. In other words don't show your emotions, don't feel your emotions, don't be swayed by others emotions, empathy is bad and for the weak
Basically also reenforce these teachings by making me having to do bloody and demoralizing task (carrying entrails bare handed without being allowed to use buckets or [taking out] animals), lots of physical punishment, verbal abuse, isolation from others.
Stepmother insisted I should remain pure so when the rapture took place I would be a warrior saint.
Yeah when I moved out and found out people don't have to live like this it took me a week just to decompress what I escaped from
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
Religious fanatics are a blight on humanity. Even God is sick and tired of them!
Nichole Harris 2 years ago
Nah honey God's been tired of that bs forever😀
Load More Replies... H.J. carlson 2 years ago
Should be laws against this kind of abuse. Glad you got out of there!
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
You can't put laws or restraints on Jesus! It is my religious freedom to use any means I choose, in the name of my Lord, to force whatever the hell I want down my child's throat! Your government can't touch my God! RELIGIOUS FREEDOM (but only if you believe in the same God I believe in)!!!! [I use sarcasm to handle my frustrations, if that wasn't already obvious.]
Load More Replies... robin aldrich 2 years ago (edited)
Oh NO! my previous comment about offering big hugs applies here too... religious extremist beliefs like that imposed on your kid.... oh my gosh.
#37
That it’s totally ok to abuse everyone and everything around you. If you aren’t physical with them.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago (edited)
The Bible & The Quran (yes, I've read both). I imagine the Torah has some of this (just a guess, haven't read it)? The entire basis of Scientology....
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 2 years ago
How dare you suggest that of any holy doctrine?! 😅
Load More Replies... #38
Keep secrets to protect family. No matter what they are.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago (edited)
Ancestry.com and 23andMe are kicking down those closet doors and showing the 'perfect' world that conservatives long for never existed! The perfect nuclear family living in a cottage with a picket fence is a filthy lie and an unattainable ideal. If you peel back the surface of the 1950's, you see the only difference between then and now is; Now we don't lie about the affairs and the abuse in order to maintain a veneer of respectability.
Annie 1973 2 years ago
I so wish that I could get tested and find out that my sh*tty parents aren't my real parents. She is dead now for many years and my dad is still alive but he is totally and utterly worthless and never in my whole life has he been there for me. Just a fantasy I have that I was kidnapped and actually have loving parents who are still out there looking for me
Load More Replies... #39
To be in constant survival mode. Like as in always worrying about the end of the world. Why? Why am I constantly as a child looking over my back in fear of what I will offer to a group if “the apocalypse happens”. Weird stuff. I thought I was savvy in “bunker mode” but really it’s trauma inducing.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
I grew up during the Cold War. My parents probably shouldn't have let me watch The Day After. Living with the constant threat of nuclear annilation broke something in me. I became apathetic. The world was doomed and I didn't care. As time progressed I lost my ability to empathize with people. Wow I was a mess. I had a superiority complex and couldn't empathize so I was blind to my mistakes and overly critical of others. Regaining my ability to empathize was the hardest part because I didn't realize it was missing.
robin aldrich 2 years ago
What do you think the "duck and cover drills" in school did to the Boomer generations????? because we were worried about the atomic bomb? Now it's active shooter drills.
#40
Punishment means they love you. No, it does not.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I had a stepdad say that to me, and I pulled out a knife and told him they would never find the body. I had peace and quiet for nearly a month. I was 12 at the time
Load More Replies... Charley128 2 years ago
Ever hear my Dads favorite. You're crying? I'll give you something to cry about.
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
very convenient that the people teaching you that are the same ones punishing you
Jeweled Dragon (She/They) 2 years ago
My parents would sometimes tell me I had no right to be upset after we had an argument.
Jared Robinson 2 years ago
Ummm Yes it does. Punishment is to teach you what is wrong. Abuse is abuse. Don't confuse the two. a mild spanking because you broke something playing ball in the house is punishment. being punched through a wall because you didn't get daddy his grown up juice quick enough is abuse.
#41
They made me distrust my own intelligence. They talked down to me and treated me like an airhead, giving me a smirk every time I tried to be serious about anything. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned that I am intelligent and gained self confidence despite the negative self esteem they had instilled in me.
Helena 2 years ago
How did you manage it? I still have to fight with myself when that inner voice tells me I can't do it, I'm too stupid.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Start by telling that inner critic to stfu! Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker is an incredibly helpful book about this sorta stuff.
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Charley128 2 years ago
My Mom used to say I was probably the smartest one in the family. But no one ever listened to me. That'll confuse the heck out of you.
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
Had this from my teachers in my latter school years. All the progress I had made academically was wasted, so I rebelled and used my knowledge to get revenge. So many things went wrong in those schools. Damien Thorn and Bart Simpson would be proud
#42
In an effort to teach me to be considerate, or not selfish, I guess, my dad said, “Love yourself last” more than a few times to me. That’s a mess I’ve been untangling for about 35 years.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Not entirely bad advice in a western culture which teaches people to be huge individualists. It teaches humility. BUT in the case when you're getting abused or taken advantage of, no.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Disagree. I don't see a problem with Western culture of being capable of self reliance but capitalism has warped self reliance into fúck-everyone-else-me-first. I see self love as something I can radiate, extending that loving kindness to everything around me.
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Skater Chick 2 years ago
As a kid, the Christian private school to which my mom sent me had a rule of "Jesus first, others second, me third." It worked to teach us empathy, but now I feel terrible doing almost anything for myself.
Paulsible deniability 2 years ago
I am a man who has been in two very abusive (physical and emotional) relationships because I put my needs second to everyone else's. I was taken advantage of and lost so much.
#43
I remember my Dad outright saying he did weaponized incompetence "If you do the job badly enough she'll do from then on"
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I remember trying weaponized incompetence once and my mom said she would shove the broom up my backside and chase me around the house with a slipper until ALL the floors were clean if I tried it again
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
I had a coworker closing a restaurant with me one night and he was literally following behind me "sweeping" behind me (but not actually collecting any rubbish). I turned around and asked him what is he doing? Why wasn't he starting at the opposite side of the restaurant and we'd meet in the middle? He replied, "I'm not a very good sweeper.". No joke! I told him, "STFU, Joe! Get to the other side of the restaurant NOW and start doing your job!" Viola! He was magically a good "sweeper"!
#44
That “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
has whoever said that only ever eaten stale, unseasoned water biscuits?
Dont Sellmyinfo 2 years ago
I remember this from Weight Watchers groups I used to go to when I was 16…. This kind of thinking stuck with me for years, I still battle with it and sometimes I wish the voice was a little louder because I’m overweight but happy. It’s shi++y that so many of us grew up with these awful perceptions instilled in us. But I realized that I am the keeper of my own life, and I have an opportunity to teach my kids to love themselves and speak to themselves with respect, love, and compassion.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
I agree with you but only because I too have mental health issues about my weight. But you're missing the point: that saying is why we have mental health issues in this area. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
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#45
That the police were going to come and take me away unless I hid. Nothing sinister - he just thought it was funny.
BewilderedBanana 2 years ago
It was either the police, the "black man" down the street (not that there were any black people in my neighbourhood) or, in extreme circumstances, the devil himself
That Goth Demon (zey/zem) 2 years ago
As long as he explained it was a bad joke and apologised that's fine.
EarthGrowl 2 years ago
WTF? A parent said this? Sounds like they didn't want to deal with your needs and made you hide to get you to leave them alone. Human biology is screwed up. Young people don't have the patience to deal with small children. By the time people gain the patience to properly care for a child their fertility and libido has dropped. I guess the best answer is for young people to birth the children but let the grandparents raise them. This is probably how families worked before our Capitalistic society demanded everyone buy their own home and isolate themselves.
#46
I always had anxiety as a child and my mother said the only way to get over it is to deal with the situation head on. Sounds great until I told her my dear of escalators and she pushed me down and I fell and almost got my hair caught.
Another thing she loved to teach me is how self defense is necessary. Great! Where do I take lessons? There were no lessons.. she said being with my abusive ex was enough of a lesson. I should have learned then.
ScarletRos 2 years ago
I have a fear of escalators. No idea why, it’s only come on since I’ve been an adult had no problems until my mid twenties. I just avoid them. It’s easier these days because places tend to be disability friendly so need to provide elevators.
The Other Guest 2 years ago
When I was a kid, I hated elevators & I had a friend who hated escalators. We took the stairs a lot when we were out together.
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Mysteria 2 years ago
I had some sort of anxiety thing in 3rd grade where everything worried and panicked me. My mom eventually got tired of it when I said I was worried about worrying and she said “If you worry about worrying, the law is that it should cancel out!” That added a new worry to my list: Being arrested for worrying about worrying…
robin aldrich 2 years ago
Again not normally a violent person but now I wanna b**** slap your mother.
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
😧 ⁉️ Yow! You need to get far away from that kind of person ( male or female)!!
#47
My dad basically conditioned everyone to hide in the room when he had guests over. Now as an adult I have to fight the urge to not hide in the room when we have guests over because it’s considered rude or whatever
H.J. carlson 2 years ago
What was he hiding: illegal or amoral activities? Or was he making a fool of you?!
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Just didn't want the basic hassle of dealing with his kids when he wanted to hang out with other adults. "Good children are neither seen nor heard."
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
so many abusive parents out there. They really should make a course that you have to go on before you have a child. Maybe also a license.
Danger Bunny (She/Her) 2 years ago
But the thing is - the people who most deserve kids, often do not want to have them
Load More Replies... Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I'm going to point out that I had mental problems with my emotions when I was little and would very frequently burst in episodes of extreme rage and violence. I got treated for it and from the age of 4 until I was 17 I was in a lot of therapy. I had1 abusive dad who fixed his alcoholism out and has been awesome since, making up for what he did, and 2 very violently abusive stepdads. I'm 52 now and have gained so much in my lifetime that I am always happy to share and help. I hope that anyone having these kinds of problems gets the help they need and deserve. My heart goes out to them all
Tee Wallace 2 years ago
The employer is NEVER wrong no matter what they do to you. You're lucky to have a job. My mom is still like that to this day and it took me years of being abused by my employer to leave and not put up with all their c**p. Now I don't suggest that jumping from job to job is a viable way to live but at some point you need to look out for yourself and stop taking all the c**p an employer throws at you.
blinkaoa187 2 years ago
That saying about boys being mean to you means that they like you should be changed to : if a boy is mean to you because he likes you, don't get involved with him
Seadog 2 years ago
My first marriage (24+ years) was mentally abusive to me and our kids. 2 people that came into my life opened my eyes to what was going on and I moved on. One child immediately ghosted the ex-wife. The other eventually saw what kind of person she is although the damage is done. Her effect on him is causing some issues with his wife. I tell any newlyweds or soon to be weds, "No cheating, no lying, no secrets, no arguing. You can disagree but arguing solves nothing and just creates more problems." These are the things I told my second wife before we married, she agreed and this will be our 11th year together and we're both the happiest we've ever been and not one argument, no lies, no cheating, no secrets.
Percy the Band Rat 2 years ago
My Grandparents will say stuff like "you are happy" or "you do want to go stop crying" when I do NOT. They seem to think they know my emotions better than me. I can't "stop crying" I'm not a faucet. I was 5.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
so many abusive parents out there. They really should make a course that you have to go on before you have a child. Maybe also a license.
Danger Bunny (She/Her) 2 years ago
But the thing is - the people who most deserve kids, often do not want to have them
Load More Replies... Cyber Returns 2 years ago
I'm going to point out that I had mental problems with my emotions when I was little and would very frequently burst in episodes of extreme rage and violence. I got treated for it and from the age of 4 until I was 17 I was in a lot of therapy. I had1 abusive dad who fixed his alcoholism out and has been awesome since, making up for what he did, and 2 very violently abusive stepdads. I'm 52 now and have gained so much in my lifetime that I am always happy to share and help. I hope that anyone having these kinds of problems gets the help they need and deserve. My heart goes out to them all
Tee Wallace 2 years ago
The employer is NEVER wrong no matter what they do to you. You're lucky to have a job. My mom is still like that to this day and it took me years of being abused by my employer to leave and not put up with all their c**p. Now I don't suggest that jumping from job to job is a viable way to live but at some point you need to look out for yourself and stop taking all the c**p an employer throws at you.
blinkaoa187 2 years ago
That saying about boys being mean to you means that they like you should be changed to : if a boy is mean to you because he likes you, don't get involved with him
Seadog 2 years ago
My first marriage (24+ years) was mentally abusive to me and our kids. 2 people that came into my life opened my eyes to what was going on and I moved on. One child immediately ghosted the ex-wife. The other eventually saw what kind of person she is although the damage is done. Her effect on him is causing some issues with his wife. I tell any newlyweds or soon to be weds, "No cheating, no lying, no secrets, no arguing. You can disagree but arguing solves nothing and just creates more problems." These are the things I told my second wife before we married, she agreed and this will be our 11th year together and we're both the happiest we've ever been and not one argument, no lies, no cheating, no secrets.
Percy the Band Rat 2 years ago
My Grandparents will say stuff like "you are happy" or "you do want to go stop crying" when I do NOT. They seem to think they know my emotions better than me. I can't "stop crying" I'm not a faucet. I was 5.
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