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Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, which means that sometimes you are going to have to take some smaller losses at the beginning if you want to still finish in the end. After all, children are often very curious, a lot smarter than we give them credit for and quite nosy, so parents always have to consider how and what they actually share.
Someone asked “Parents, what is most fucked up secret you are hiding from your children?” and people shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you scroll through folk’s tea, from tragic to truly unhinged, upvote your favorite examples and be sure to share your own in the comments below.
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#1
We hit the lottery for 12.5 million dollars and nobody in our family - including our children has any idea.
Besides us and the government, the only other people who know is an attorney we hired to keep our identities private as well as an accountant. We have kept our lives pretty normal… We both work so there looks like there’s an income coming in… we both enjoy what we do and didn’t want to have anything change drastically. We just didn’t want to ruin our relationships with everyone or spoil our kids… We have it safely invested for their futures… But not until they establish themselves on their own without any idea that there is a safety net. We support numerous charities. It’s a blessing to win but a bigger blessing not to be destroyed by money. Obviously this isn’t my real name which would defeat the whole purpose.
#2
My daughter knows that her grandparents are getting a divorce. She doesn’t know that it’s because grandpa (72) decided to knock up a 23 year old. We will talk about it once she’s older, but I don’t want to normalize that relationship for a preadolescent.
Edit: This is my father-in-law, he’s definitely not rich, in fairly impressive shape for a dude pulling social security, and I am happily ignorant as to the status of his erections. It’s a small town story with a f****d up single mom and a old man that hasn’t experienced much emotional growth since being drafted for service in Vietnam. These people would never end up together if they were emotionally healthy and didn’t have control issues.
I am definitely going to do my best to explain to my daughter, but she’s nine and emotionally overwhelmed by the very idea of the divorce. When she comes to me to talk about it (having processed the idea), then I will explain the situation more fully. My husband has already told his dad that our family and his new family won’t be getting together for a barbecue anytime in the foreseeable future.
Edit 2: A lot of you dudes are assuming a lot about “23”. I would remind you that we are talking about small-town, single mama, daddy issues, rural Deep South, grandpa-f*****g 23. Y’all are a bunch of optimists.
Panda McPandaface 5 hours ago
"I am happily ignorant as to the status of his erections." Well it made me laugh. A lot.
#3
My mom passed 15 years ago. My family had a bunch of stuff that they didn't go through, and that they just kinda left for me. About 10 years ago when I was trying to downsize and get rid of stuff, i found medical documents that she had kept.
Apparently, i was not an only child. She was pregnant with twins. I was the one that made it....
#5
My future son will never know i have a secret stash of videogames locked away from his sticky break-everything fingers.
Go play with your tablet cased in 15 pounds of foam!
#6
Long time listener, first time caller.
My daughter, along with my parents, think I go to a desk job everyday but I’m actually at home working as a camgirl.
#7
Not ours but some friends of ours. The husband died late last year of kidney failure. The mother told her 4 year old son that his father went overseas to work until he is 18. There is no outcome that is good for this kid.
#8
That my 8 year old daughter is not mine. I met her mother, my wife, when she was 3 months pregnant. Neither of us knew until about a month or two into dating. What I did know was that this girl was the one. When she found out she told me and gave me a free pass to leave. She did not just want me sticking around just for the benefits of dating a pregnant chick then skipping out.
I made the choice then to take the leap. Best decision i ever made and never looked back. Now we have my daughter and a 3 year old son. I don't plan on ever volunteering the information to her but will tell her if she asks when she is older.
The father skipped out to CO and cut off ties when he found out. Fine by me though. As far as everyone, including the government knows, I am her father. On the birth certificate and everything. But the way i see it, i am. I was there the entire pregnancy, the birth, and every day since. I was 22 at the time.
Panda McPandaface 4 hours ago
Benefits of dating a pregnant chick? I'm gay so I may need this explaining.
#9
One of my teachers told our class a story that absolutely blew everyone's mind.
Growing up he had an older sister, and two parents, pretty standard family situation. One thing that he said confused him as a kid was how much older his sister was (I think it was like 16+ years older than him) so when he was in high school, he straight up asked his parents if he was a mistake. If im remembering the story right, his parents told him he wasn't meant to happen and that was that. Didn't really effect him at all considering he was old enough to understand and knew his parents loved him anyway.
Fast forward to his adult life (about 35-40 at this point) both of his parents passed away and his sister lived across the country. One year his sister came to visit him and his wife for a week. They went around doing various things that were representative of where he lived, landmarks, well known towns, restaurants, etc. He said they had a great time. Near the end of his sister's trip, she told my teacher and his wife that she needed to tell them something important. He said she seemed pretty distraught in saying this and as a result he thought she was going to tell them she had some serious illness or something along those lines. It was tense for a few minutes, the sister couldn't get out what she was trying to say.
This just made my teacher and his wife more concerned. Finally she told them: "I'm not actually your sister, I'm your mother." Turns out his "parents" were actually his grandparents and his sister had him very young (16-17) with some guy she met. In order to give him and his mother ("sister") a normal life, his grandparents ("parents") just treated him as their son and raised him themselves. He mentioned being very grateful that they did this for him as he did have a normal childhood and his mother was able to live without having the stress of being a young mother.
To this day, him and his mother have a very positive relationship and this reveal to him didn't change anything. Not really a "f****d up secret" but I thought it was a cool story that fit this theme :).
#10
A colleague of mine has a friend who hid from her 8-yo daughter that she (the 8-yo) would die within a few years because of a terminal illness she got...
Huddo's sister 4 hours ago
I can understand why, you want the child to live as 'normal' a life as she can until she dies, but I don't think this is the way to go about it. Two of my brothers had degenerative disabilities and knew, as did the rest of us, that they would not have long lives. They both pushed back on the estimated prognosis. We spent everyday making sure they got the most out of their short lives. If they hadn't know the prognosis, I think they would have been more scared about what was happening to them, as their bodies kept getting weaker. They wouldn't have been able to mentally prepare for what was to come. As it was, their last days were largely peaceful, surrounded by friends and family.
#11
That I've been changing every clock in the house on New Years eve to 3 hours early. At 9pm we celebrate the new year, then hang out for a hour. He thinks he breaking every rule and has a great time. Now that he's turning 11 this will never happen again. With phones and being somewhat smarter. Lol.
#12
I'm the child (48 f), but my father told me my mother was dead all throughout my childhood and everyone in the family - aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, stepmother - supported the lie. Not because my mother was on d***s or abusive, or a criminal, or even a bad person. Just because they had a huge argument one night and she went to stay with a friend, without me, so he decided she would never be allowed to be in my life again. Ever. He wrote her off.
On my 18th birthday, she called our house and asked to speak with me. So, I found out the truth.
Briards Are Best 6 hours ago
That's pretty outrageous.....but I wonder why OPs mother didn't fight in court for contact.
#13
My dad has a second wife in a different country.
I got the news from my sibling who lives there, but little does my father know that my brother has told me. My mom doesn’t know about my fathers second wife. Not sure how this will play out in the future. I hope it really doesn’t. The screen writer just forgot to finish this part of my film.
Edit: Thank you all who are wishing me good luck, encouraging me to do something, and who are asking me questions.
Your questions are like therapy to me ATM.
Update- my dad is an arrogant man. It’s 6/4/2019, 4:17am my mom knows. She got the news steadily starting from 6/3/2019, 11:30pm by my dad. She’s been screaming, asking questions and demanding action. My mom is overall a wise, strong woman. This is the latest proof that Most men are pigs. Peace out. I pray for people to be truthful and honest with themselves and others.
- random, but not random thought- Clear and honest communication is the key to a beautiful life. ...
#14
That we're divorced.
Years before they came along, spouce and I decided it wasn't working out and got divorced. Years later, things still weren't working out fantastically for both of us, so we got back together. Never did get around to getting remarried though.
Huddo's sister 4 hours ago
I don't think that sort of legality is needed or makes a difference whether it is known or not. You are living together as parents, that's all that will matter to the kids (if it's a good relationship).
#15
I never actually took his nose, it stayed on his face the whole time. In fact, it has never once left his face, even though I have told him that I took it countless times. I even showed him the tip of my thumb as "evidence" of the theft.
#16
My dad cheated on my mother while she was going through cancer treatments. My mother asked for a divorce, he said go and take the kids. Every Valentine’s Day I would receive flowers from my dad and get so happy. My mom would smile and nod and get excited with me. I would call him and thank him. He never sent me flowers. It was my mom all the years. Same thing with birthday cards and Christmas gifts from him. They were never from him, my mom just put his name on them in similar handwriting. Went as far as writing return addresses on mail too. My mom was a superhero of a single parent.
#17
My son's older half sister m*lested him and that's why we don't see them anymore. Waiting until we can get into a psych for support before we break it to him.
Edit: he was 3 when it happened so was able to tell us, quite graphically, what was happening. The sister also admitted it and said she did it because it was funny and she liked to hurt him. DCP (child protective services) became involved and investigated both families but couldn't find anything suspicious.
We are telling him because we very strongly believe it is the right thing to do. We don't know what/how much he remembers and would much prefer to give him the coping skills now instead of possibly letting him disintegrate into a non functioning adult with massive problems.
Thank you so much for all the support, it is a horrible thing to deal with but we are going to do everything in our power to love and support him. I am so sorry that so many of you had to go through similar situations. I am proud of every one of you for surviving and fighting ❤.
Huddo's sister 2 hours ago
A student of mine was molested by her father. She remembers it happening, she was about 4 and is now 7 and has had counselling. I'm not sure if her younger sister knows, because she seems a bit confused as to why they use their mum's surname now and why they don't see their dad.
#18
Adoptive parent of three kids two of which are biological siblings and cousins. Found out a year after the adoption that the biological parents were half siblings who shared the same dad. The bio parents found out after they had the first child and proceeded to have another. The kids are now 16 and 13 respectively and have zero clue that they are a product of incest. Unfortunately their biological grandpa just passed away, so there very well could be a big reveal coming in the near future.
Earonn - 1 hour ago
We could just decide to make less a fuss about it. If it's consensual, just let the parents get medical tests to make sure it's safe for them to have kids. Otherwise, it doesn't affect anyone. Personally, I really have more important issues than to care how two people in love are related to each other.
#19
Before I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I took a s**t ton of pills. I think it's the closest I've ever come to s*icide. I had always dealt with anxiety and depression. I feel like the extra hormones put me over the edge. I found out about a week later that I was pregnant (surprise). I was terrified the entire pregnancy that something would be wrong with him. Luckily, he was completely healthy and is an incredibly smart child. I've never told anyone. I feel so guilty.
#20
I'm hiding alot of things- I used to be a stripper for 10 years, growing up in an abusive house, I partied hard and used to be part of NYC & Montreal club scene, that I was kidnapped and taken to another country. There's alot of things... Now I'm just a boring accountant mom to everyone. No one has any clue what I've been through. Crazy what your kids don't know about you.
#21
Grandpa's not their grandpa. I didn't find out until I was 30 that my dad adopted me and my mom was married to someone else when I was born.
My 15-year-old was looking at those DNA kits in the store. "I wonder what surprises it would find!" *Oh, more than you think, sweetie.*
I'll tell them some day. Just not where what the right time is. Then again, that's what my parents told me when i asked why they never told me about bio-dad until he reached out to me and blew their secret.
#22
The baby brother she keeps asking for has caused so much heart break. I had a miscarriage and every time she asks when she's getting a baby brother I feel like I've been kicked in the gut.
Panda McPandaface 5 hours ago (edited)
Talk to her FFS! The same problem may afflict her in the future.
#23
That my dad k*lled himself and I found the body. They have an amazing life and I don't want them to dwell on the fact that something so dark could happen to someone so close to them. They're 8 and 11, and I have no plans to tell them until maybe their 20's. When they ask, I just say he was very sick. When they press for details, which they have, I come right out and say "I'd rather not talk about it. Maybe when you're older.".
#24
I'm not a parent, nor is this my story. It's my friend's, she found out without the parents knowing.
She's not vaccinated. At all. I have no clue how this was hidden from her, or how she got into school, but her parents didn't vaccinate her. Not just that, while she's sleeping, they use their hecking holistic medicine on her (she mentioned crystals). They even refused her HPV thing, so she's not even resistant to cervical cancer, because her parents are uneducated and thing you can develop autism after birth (even though she IS autistic, but her parent won't accept it).
Don't throw your kid's life away. Vaccinate them.
#25
When my wife was breastfeeding my son she stood up to walk to another room and walked through a doorway, his head was hanging over her arm and she walked right into the door frame.
Few weeks later we are in the hospital because his head was a little big and we felt uncomfortable, ended up getting an MRI and he had a brain bleed. We got locked down and accused of child abuse etc, more tests proved it wasn't. Nobody could pinpoint what happened and it was dianogized at benign external hydrosephalis (or some s**t like that) and the brain bleed was attributed to that. His head is pretty big, he will be teased for it as he gets older, he has a big forehead.
My wife has no idea it was her fault, neither do the doctors. Only i remember what happened and i will go to the grave with it because she don't need that on her mind.
#26
Wife's parents are really abusive, awful people. She was emancipated from them at age 11, and they try to butt their way into our lives once in a while. Most recently, MIL was telling people we were in a horrible car accident- we weren't. Our kids think they are dead.
#27
I‘m the child but my dad waited till I‘m grown up to tell me that my mom gave me a lot of sleeping pills when I was a little child, so she could leave me alone at home to maintain her relationship with her lover while my dad was working in another country.. that cleared up many things
Edit: thanks for everyone wishing me well, I really appreciate that
I‘m doing well and it doesn’t affected me beside that I don’t remember much about my childhood, but I didn’t suffer or whatever.
Meanwhile I‘m dealing with depression and anxiety since a few years but I‘m not sure if this links to the drugging. But meanwhile I‘m pretty good at being depressed to be honest haha. Otherwise is my life really good.
I want to clear up that I‘m In okay terms with my mom, she learned from her mistakes and I forgave her. I just don’t forgive her that she did my dad so dirty, my dad is the greatest person I’ve ever known and he deserves to be happy.
RagDollLali 5 hours ago
Some parents don't deserve to keep their kids. This woman is both a bad mother and a bad person in general.
#28
My son was planned, but after separating from his father when my son was 8 months old and having basically nowhere to go/no way to actually take care of us on our own, many many times I thought about the possibility of dropping him off at the hospital and skipping town. I never did, and he is eight now and we are very happy.
#29
The sheer volume of BDSM related toys hidden in our bedroom. There's also a 50/50 chance our eldest was conceived in a fetish club.
Edit : let's clear this up - I am a fetishist, more specifically a submissive and a masochist, NOT a swinger. Since meeting my husband we have been sexually monogamous, although I have engaged in fetish play with other people at clubs etc.
#30
I was the kid in the scenario.
When I was like 12, my dad died of leukemia. He was never around much so I didn't see him often, but that was never the secret. I actually remember the day he took off and left us; woke up one morning and there was a pile of new toys on the living room floor with a note for mom.
Anyway, he started coming around when he received the prognosis. We developed something resembling a positive relationship before he died. When he passed it absolutely destroyed me. I still remember the funeral. I had to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the car because I didn't want to see it. In his will he left me his car - a Camaro, that I was supposed to get when I turned 16. His parents fought tooth and nail to keep it from me (they were really s****y people, his entire side of the family was), and we eventually just told them to f**k off and keep the damn thing.
Fast-forward about 15 years. I find out the guy that died was not actually my dad - he was my brothers' dad. My real, biological dad has been living in the next town over, twenty minutes from my house, my entire life. My entire family knew about it, except for me. It was why my "grandparents" fought to keep the car - they knew I was not his son (I still don't know if HE knew or not, but I assume so).
My maternal grandmother has met him several times in my life. My mom said she never thought it was anything worth digging up. Said she intended for me to never find out.
I've still never spoken to him. I know a name and an approximation of where he lives (as of about ten years ago). Beyond that, I know jack about the guy. Grandma said if I ever want to meet him, she would help me contact him. Dunno if I ever will.
Edit 1: after laying all this out, and thinking more about it, there's no possible way the dead "dad" did not know I was not his kid.
Edit 2: for everyone asking me about the lady asking if I'm her husband: no, I am not married.
#31
I don’t want my son to know that he was an unwanted accident. Even during my pregnancy, I didn’t want a child. I was still so young and had my whole career ahead of me. I wanted to travel the world, finish school, and advance myself in life to the fullest.
After he was born, I had a hard time adjusting and it took me a long time to fall in love with motherhood. I didn’t feel a connection to my son and felt like the worst mother in the world.
Now, I can’t stop looking at him or hugging him or crying over him. I’m finishing school and I got promoted at my job. I can have my life and still be a mother too. I only regret my feeling of not wanting my son, because he means so much to me and there are no words to describe the deep love that I feel for him.
Edit; thank you everyone for your words of support and sharing your stories. I am crying as I read them and I am truly appreciative. I love my son very much that I can’t wait to get home and hug him. I love watching him grow and I want to provide him the best life possible. It’s hard to manage work and family home life, and I’m not perfect by any means, but I’m doing my best! Thank you again everyone.
If any other parents want to talk, please don’t hesitate to contact me
As to why I didn’t choose abortion -
Before he was born or conceived I was diagnosed with PCOS and had a slim chance of getting pregnant due to the state of my ovaries. I WANTED a child but I didn’t want one at that moment. We were NOT mentally (at least I felt that I wasn’t) ready for a child - I wanted a child later in my life. When we found out i was pregnant we considered abortion. I was scared of everything - carrying the baby, giving birth, having the abortion, the guilt, the regret - a lot of emotions and thought went into this pregnancy.
I decided to go through with the pregnancy. So it was my own “fault” for keeping him but I don’t regret my decision.
I had support and friends and family all around me during and after. I even had a friend who admitted she had felt the same way I did, after giving birth.
Edit again: I grew up knowing my mother didn’t want me. I was reminded of it almost every day and it seriously messed me up. I do not want the same for my son. He IS WANTED.
#32
My wife is not the biological mother of our twins. We did IVF and their biological mother was an egg donor from a country in South America. My wife carried them and gave birth to them, but has no biological connection. We'll tell them some day when they're older.
It's a little bit strange, but one looks exactly like me at that age, and the other one looks very much like my brother.
Edit: For anyone wondering, our twins are 8.5 years old and my side of the family has known the truth from a time long before the procedure occurred. For whatever reason my wife decided to tell her family that she was the egg donor, I the sperm donor, and that we did IVF because we were older and needed medical help to get her preggers. I never understood why, but went along with it because it was what she wanted.
I will broach the subject when my wife gets back in country from a long work trip. Thanks again to the people of Reddit for helping to open my eyes about the impact of waiting too long to tell our kids the truth.
Huddo's sister 3 hours ago
The counsellor that is mandatory to see twice before the IVF process in my state in Australia, advised it is a good idea to tell you children right from the start (birth) about how they came into being.
#33
I’m the child of a parent that hid something horrible until I was 27:
One day when my parents has a domestic dispute, my dad called me just to “get back at my mom”
He said, “do you want to know something about your wh*re mother? She slept with over 30 guys during our first two years of marriage!”
I just sat down and started stuttering.
He said “you know how people have always said you looked different than the rest of the kids?”
I said, “yeah...”
“That’s because I’m not your dad. Your mom slept with my best friend and you were conceived. Another thing! Your brother (the one just younger than me—I’m the oldest) belongs to my brother!”
My mom just bawled in the background without denying it.
I just laughed.
And then I went into two years of therapy.
#34
My father found out when he was in his 40’s that his father was not his biological father. His mother (my grandmother) literally cheated on her husband with the milk man.
#35
I had a late term medical abortion booked when I was maybe 19 weeks pregnant I think. I couldn’t tell you exactly.
But to cut it short I was the sickest pregnant woman my doc had ever seen. I need a PICC line and NJ tube because I wasn’t able to keep even a single sip of water down. Because I’m a type one diabetic and I got so sick so fast, my body started to shut down and I went into metabolic acidosis. I ended up missing the abortion appointment because I was in the ICU having the acidosis treated.
When I was starting to turn a corner and heal a little bit they wheeled in the machine to do a bedside ultrasound. I was expecting to be told she had died while I was so sick. F**k, I almost died.
I was bracing myself to hear “I’m sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat” and what I got was “oh WOW, look at that baby girl MOVE!!” Guess my doc was expecting the same as me. I didn’t know her gender before that.
It hit me, really hard. Harder than being told I was pregnant in the first place. Couldn’t go through with it and never booked a new appointment.
I have no intention of telling my daughter that I literally made the decision that my life was more important than hers, even though in the end I realized my error.
#36
My bad health. She is two and she just wants mommy to play.
How do you explain cancer to a two year old?
Huddo's sister 3 hours ago
Work out how to say it in the simplest way, like 'mummy is sick' or 'it hurts mummy to play right now' and that is probably all that is needed at the time for a two year old. Fingers crossed the cancer is treatable and you can explain more later as needed.
#37
My kids, and my wife as well, are blissfully unaware that I had another family before them.
My wife knows I had dated other girls before her, a few long term. She knows I was engaged but did not get married until I met her. She doesn't know I made a baby girl with that former fiance though, and I'll never tell. Just like I'll never tell anyone that the baby died of a fever after just six weeks of her beautiful life. This is the part of my story where my wife believes that "it just didn't work out" and that "she got really crazy." The truth is, we were both destroyed as people and neither of us could continue our lives together. We quickly grew to resent and hate each other and lashed out against the world and ourselves in horrible fashion.
Noone from that past still has a connection with me, barring my brother who has faithfully kept my secret for twenty years. My parents passed on before they really got to know my wife. My friends and the rest of my family from that time have all long since been separated geographically and by time. The former fiance hasn't spoken to me since and now lives in a different hemisphere. To my knowledge, she has never dated again, but she did finish school and start a career. I hope she is happy.
My kids don't need to know they have a half-sister in a little grave in a town 1900kms away. They don't need to know that their father sees her face in theirs every day. They don't need to know that he has been broken inside since before he even met their mother.
#38
That I don't actually enjoy watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. My 2 year old would be devastated because that's our show.
#39
Not really f****d up but still a big secret. I've been living 5 1/2 hours away from my wife and daughter for the past 11 months. Every time I talk to my daughter she asks when am I coming home? Well little does she know that next Friday when her and her mom come for what she thinks is just a weekend visit they are actually coming to pick me up for good.
Thanks everyone for all the kind words.
To clarify a few things. My move was medically related.
I got shot when I was 13 and this is in no way related to that.
I am a social worker by trade but have not worked in the field these past 11 months due to my situation. I actually did an ama about it a few years ago.
My wife and I did get divorced and yes we did co parent. However recently we have decided that the truth is we should have worked harder on being together and are giving it another go. I call her my wife because I never really stopped thinking of her that way.
I mentioned being shot because people were checking my post history and seeing that I had been shot but not that it was when I was thirteen. People were wondering if that is why I had been away.
I want to thank everyone for the incredible show of support and compassion. For all of the kind words. I would especially like to thank those who shared their personal stories of similar circumstances. Thank you for the gold and everything else. Honestly I am unable to properly express how your words brightened my day and will continue to provide encouragement.
*Update*First of all thank you again for all the many kind words and the Show of support.
My wife and daughter picked me up earlier this afternoon. We opted not to video the moment as it felt impersonal and we just wanted to truly enjoy each others company as we soaked in the monumental occasion. I definitely cried more than my daughter did. Over the course of the day she became more and more excited and exclaimed "I can't believe you are coming home" It has been a fantastic day.
#40
My 3-year-old is an absolute miracle. Her birth mom (my wife’s sister) didn’t want her, basically tried for an intentional miscarriage via massive drinking and d**g use. Born 11 weeks premature, and with 5 different d***s in her system, she shouldn’t even be alive by most medical estimations, yet here she is. Slight developmental setbacks, but she is solidly inside the bell curve. Her socialization is on point, and she should start school on time. She will know none of this until she is in her teens, most likely. I am so grateful for this impossible little person.
Edit: Holy c**p this blew up. Thanks for the gold and silver, kind strangers - all firsts for me!
Edit 2: To clarify, she will most likely know that she is adopted fairly early, as it will inevitably come up. The big f****d-up secret will be the dire circumstances of her gestation and (shockingly viable) birth. All she will know is that her biological mother wasn’t ready to give her the life she deserved, and we were. “Genes don’t make your family, love does.” She also has an older sibling, way too old to conceivably be mine, so the concept of a loving non-biological parent won’t be too farfetched for her.
Edit 3: More details filled in, my wife remembers better than me (I didn’t actually meet her until our daughter was 2 years old). Will also add that my wife’s sister, while not involved in our little girl’s life at all, has been clean for a long while now and is doing quite well.
#41
We are so poor. They're little so they don't notice. But we struggle a lot to pay the rent and buy groceries.
Edit a bit of background: we had our kids kind of young. We were both in grad school. So we're in a weird spot because we both have fancy sounding degrees that your average person would assume turned into a well paying job. I am now a postdoc, and we are notoriously underpaid. Sometimes I think "wow, I have a PhD, you'd think I'd be smart enough to work out how to get more money..." but I moved the family internationally for this job, which is another thing that would make you think we had everything sorted out.
#42
It's not f****d up. But my daughter doesn't know I'm an atheist. She goes to a Christian private school. Going to be an interesting conversation when she is a little older. She is starting to put it together. She just asked me the other day that why does her mom say a prayer for Jesus before bedtime and I say the Green Lantern oath instead.
#43
I'm the child here but my parents hid from me for over half my life that I actually had a twin sister, but she had died at birth. Apparently even at the age of 2, I knew I had a sister without anyone telling me. Then throughout my childhood and early teen years, I would always pretend my imaginary friends or my actual friends were my twins. It all made sense when my mom sat me down a few years ago and told me my twin sister had died at birth. Sad s**t. I'm an only child too, so that doesn't really help me not feel bad.
Huddo's sister 2 hours ago
I know a number of children who had siblings that died at birth or close to it. They all know about the siblings and are understanding of it even though they are young (under 8). I think it is a good idea to let children know these sort of things.
#44
My husband is in the Army and we live in South Korea. It cost $2k to ship our dog here so we decided to leave our cat with my husbands’ parents since they love that cat and we knew they’d take good care of him.
I just learned this week while my husbands’ siblings are visiting us that our cat was eaten by a coyote months ago and my in-laws just never told us. Apparently their neighbors heard a coyote killing something in the middle of the night and the next morning they saw orange fur and cat body parts in their yard.
We have an almost 5-year-old daughter was loves that cat and we have no idea how we’re going to tell her. She recently drew a picture of him to show her friends in Korea and even today talked about him and how much she misses him. It feels f****d up not telling her but it’ll destroy her sensitive little heart 😭.
#45
Just how abusive their biological father was to me and how neglectful he was of our eldest yet dependant on her emotionally. Also, that he never wanted a son and that he never had any interest in anything to do with our second born.
My biggest fear is them seeing exactly what he did to me though...they don't notice the way my heart wants to leap out of my chest when there's a knock on the door. They think I won't let them play alone in the front yard because of cars going past, not because I'm scared their bio father may find them and snatch them. Same as how they believe I just hate big crowds and rude people pushing and shoving, not because I'm constantly on edge looking for that one face. They'll never know I broke down to their school principal about our past after seeing one of the exs Facebook posts. They'll never know the carefree person I used to be though and that sucks.
.....my eldest (just shy of 8 now) has started asking questions and being that one of her earliest memories is of coming home to me in a police car because, "daddy was too sick to take car of me so the police brought me home." I'm going to have to explain a little more soon enough. Its been 3.5 years since my kids have had any contact with him. Explaining the past terrifies me.
#47
I'm the child of a parent with a f****d up secret. Last summer my mom told me she has had COPD for 8 years. And also she has signed a DNR order. She still smokes. She's only 54 but she's ready to leave my sisters and I. And her grandchildren. My mom is my best friend but I hate her for this.
#48
My mother hid the existence of a whole extra child from us for the first decade of my life. When you’re the oldest child and you wish for a big sister but know it’s not going to happen, it might still happen.
#50
My sister is hiding from her daughter the true identity of her bio dad. My niece has been raised thinking that her father is her bio father, which is actually kind of sad because she just naturally feels like a misfit in his family (my sister and this man are divorced now). She's turning 12 soon and I wish my sister would tell her, but that's a very personal decision. I just feel like the older my niece gets the harder the secret is going to hit.
#51
My wife and I each have a child from a previous marriage. Both of our ex-spouses were abusive cheaters. Both children still adore and idolize their other parent and we just keep smiling and nodding.
This probably isn't the type of thing OP was asking, but it is a secret that we will maintain for years.
#52
I'm a surrogate parent to my two siblings. The most f****d secret I've had to keep is that, while both our parents are abusive, my father is the true reason why they're messed up. He's insanely sneaky and manipulative. He's cheated on my mother for years w other women, gaslighting her into believing she's crazy. The kids don't know because they're kids. They think our dad is an angel.
#53
Our daughters are both from IVF.
"Older" daughter was conceived 2 years after youngest.
"Younger" daughter frozen for a number of years as embryo making the "older" one biologically younger then the "younger" one.
#54
Money is tighter than I'd like it to be. My daughter's Easter gift this year is a brand new expensive hair straightener that somebody else gave me as payback for doing them a favor. My son's Easter gift this year is a Lego set from my childhood. My mom kept most of our stuff in good shape in original boxes.
#56
That my ex tried to take him away from me.
When he was younger(around 2), she tried to move him out of the state and it turned into a huge custody battle (and a whole bunch of subsequent fights). She wanted to take him despite me being involved in everything. For a little while after he would talk about them wanting to move but then they decided not to.
I’m sure I’ll tell him someday when he’s older, but for now it all has to be kept quiet.
#57
That his(4) mother is an active addict and is currently in jail(out in a week) for it and pr*stitution. She's been an addict since before I met her and has put me through a lot I dealt with cause regardless of everything I still love her and want her to commit to getting clean like she wants but keeps relapsing for various reasons. Due to the use we almost lost him but miraculously came out perfect and he's so smart and adorable I hope she can remain sober this time around to be a full happy family.
#58
Took a dna test and found out why my dad disowned me and not my other two siblings. Haven’t told my mom yet lol.
#60
My dad told me my mom had vertigo which is why she fell down a lot. It only took me until I was 6 that i found out she was an alcoholic.
#61
Speaking for my grandparents actually but this was a huge scandal in our family! My grandfather was a Russian who had survived years in the Gulag and eventually taught political science at George Washington University. The family found out maybe 8 years before he passed, that he had also been working as a spy for the CIA, and had even acted as an advisor to President Nixon and President Ford. My grandmother also found out that he had a multitude of affairs because of his work. I’m genuinely shocked there isn’t a movie about him. I was a baby when all this was found out but I hear about it once a year at family gatherings. For being such a worldly and condensed man, there are no pictures of him around my grandmother’s house.
#62
That I (Dad) fell into a real deep depression after he was born that lasted several weeks or months and was borderline s*icidal.
I was real confused and not sure how to deal with it, because all the dads I knew never talked about it. Most said things along the lines of: "The day my kid was born was the best day of my life", turns out a lot of that was revisionist b******t. It wasn't until after I started asking other dads about what I went through and many said they went through the same thing, also thinking they were the only ones to feel that way after their kid was born.
We all talk about postpartum depression in women, but never in men. I didn't know it was a thing until much later. So if you are a new dad and feeling in the dumpster, go get help, but you aren't the only one.
Huddo's sister 2 hours ago
My best friend's husband (and her) became depressed when she was expecting their second child. She got help but he didn't, other than sleeping with a co-worker.
#63
He’s not mine, genetically speaking. I’m his dad 110%, and I think he has the right to know when he’s older, but I’m worried about what it’ll do to our extended family.
#64
My twins were conceived as triplets, but their mother voluntarily aborted one, for reasons I will never understand. We are now divorced. I don't know if I'll ever tell them they had a third sibling with them in the womb.
EDIT: I know why it happened, just didn't understand. The reason has nothing to do with the health or risks. It was fear of losing a lifestyle that having triplets would take away. She only wanted one child. Having twins was our compromise.
#65
Pretty sure they know, but my second cousins are technically twins two years apart. Their parents did in vitro and 2 of the eggs were fertilized. They weren’t ready for twins so they froze one of the eggs and had their second kid two years later. It’s actually pretty cool.
Edit: I wasn’t super familiar with IVF when this happened and a lot of people are saying they aren’t twins. Doesn’t really matter to me if they are or aren’t. I just thought it was cool when I was a kid. (I was about 9 when the oldest was born.)
For anyone who’s wondering, they’re a boy and a girl.
#66
My daughter was conceived at work, on airport property, in the back of a f*****g Ford Focus, while we were waiting for a medflight to land.
She knows nothing about this but tells me she wants to be a pilot when she grows up.
#67
They know daddy works with money, but they don’t know it’s in the cannabis industry.
ETA: Legally.
#69
Marrying into a blended family is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Plus, my wife wishes she had gotten an abortion the second time around. So do I.
#71
Our youngest was conceived because I'd been reading Fifty Shades of Gray and was horny. She was unplanned.
I never want my kids to know I read those books... but at the same time I am deeply grateful they exist because our daughter is freaking awesome and she perfectly completed our family.
#73
After reading a bunch of these, I feel pretty good that my most f****d up secret is that I eat most of their halloween/easter/parade candy when they are at school.
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