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My bf of 10 years cheated, the excuse......it's my fault. I have terminal cancer and it's my fault. He didn't ask to have a gf with cancer, so.......I am leaving and living what's left of my life without his lieing, cheating, alcoholic a*s! They broke the mold when they made him....he's a real winner!

roses-r-red-7799 Report

Final score:

213points

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Megalodon Meg 1 year ago

To OP-you are so strong and radiant and he can stfu. You're worthy, you're loved, you matter.

88points

To learn more about how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Aggravating-Angel217, who posed the question, "Men that have cheated, why did you do it?" Lucky for us, the OP was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain what inspired her to spark this discussion. "Personally, I’ve never cheated, but I’ve been cheated on in every relationship," she shared.

"I feel as though people that get cheated on never truly have an answer as to why it happened: was it something we did, were our partners not satisfied with us, are we lacking something, ect.," she explained. "So I was looking to see if anyone had a reason they were willing to share behind the anonymity of a screen name."

We were fighting a lot and I thought the relationship was gonna end inevitably regardless of whether or not I cheated. So the opportunity came up on its own and I took it, zero hesitation.

I didn't know cheating would kill any small possibility of us getting better and growing together. By cheating, I essentially admitted through my actions that I had no respect for her. We tried to patch things up and make it work afterwards, but it couldn't work because I've already proven to her and myself that I'm not gonna be faithful when times get tough. I wasn't loyal or committed to anyone but myself.

Since then I've had to really be honest with myself and learn how immature, irresponsible and disgusting that was for me to do. It's easily my biggest regret in life. I lost a really good girl who was smart, beautiful, funny and caring, all because I wanted a quick nut. I think she easily could've been the one if I just put in the effort to make things work. But I didn't, and I lost her and now she's gone forever. And if God ever gives me a second chance at love, I'll never make the same mistake.

i_am_Toru , Inzmam Khan Report

Final score:

191points

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Xenon 1 year ago

Upvote for the raw honesty.

102points

I’m gay. Was with a woman to try and tell myself I wasn’t. Wanted to make my family happy.

I feel terrible for doing it and I still kick myself for not being honest about who I am because I hurt people.

I did it more than once. I feel bad for lying to her and everyone and causing a lot more drama than was necessary.

So yeah. I wasn’t able to be honest with myself which in turn made me a cheater. I’m good now but I still feel bad about what I did. Wasn’t right.

AbmopV2 , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

152points

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Xenon 1 year ago

Sounds like you've grown to be more self aware, may you find acceptance and love.

69points

superterrifichappy , Karolina Grabowska Report

We were also curious what the OP's thoughts were on the responses to her post. "I mean, half the answers were a joke, which was fine as it kind of cheered me up from my depressed state after finding out I had once again been cheated on, but it also made me feel better knowing some people did have regrets and wished they had gone about things differently," she shared.

We then asked Aggravating-Angel217 if she thinks cheating must always signify the end of a relationship, or if there are times when couples can work through it. "I feel as though cheating should mean an end to a relationship because your partner was out seeking others after they made a commitment," she noted. "However, I went and did the opposite of my opinion and stayed with my partner because well... Sometimes love makes you blind to the red flags."

Because my wife would get drunk and beat me

Final score:

135points

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Lauren S 1 year ago

Yikes. Cheating isn’t okay but hitting someone else is completely unacceptable. I hope OP got out of that relationship.

91points

yunglil_aka_lilyung , René Ranisch Report

Because I was trying to find value and my self-worth in sleeping with women. Growing up, I was far from being a ladies' man. In college, I worked on myself to improve my self-confidence as all my life I had been longing to have someone who liked me back. All I ever wanted was to have a girlfriend. As my self-esteem grew, so did my luck with the ladies.

Eventually, I was able to get a girlfriend, someone who was good to me, but I wasn't satisfied. I continued to look for validation from other women, which turned into cheating on her. I thought that I had discovered self-confidence because I could be more social and was more outgoing, but I realized that on the inside, I was still insecure.

Growing up in my family, there were no good examples of healthy relationships either. All my uncles were womanizers. This probably had an impact on me as well.

Final score:

107points

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Loverboy 1 year ago

It's great you recognize this as wrong and realize what was wrong.

51points

Finally, the OP had some wise words for anyone out there who's in a relationship but still has a wandering eye. "If [you're] considering cheating, don’t. Either leave the relationship or communicate with your partner on things that are lacking. Heck, you might find your partner is willing to open the relationship and didn’t know how to bring it up first. But don’t hurt and possibly damage someone’s mentality for the rest of their life just for a little side action."

I'll fall on the sword here. You want an honest answer, so here goes:

My wife and I started dating when I was 18. Things were good for a long while, and we had a pretty active sex life. One day, after over 2 years of dating, she felt convicted over us having sex before we were married. I asked, "is our not being married the only thing holding things back from being what they were", and she said yes. I loved her, so I figured why not take the next step, and I proposed to her that Christmas.

Fast forward to the fall when we finally got married, and nothing changed. On our wedding night, nothing. I figured we were both tired from the wedding and reception, so no big deal. For the first month afterward, nothing. I asked what was wrong and why weren't we connecting, and she couldn't give me an answer. This went on for months, and I started looking at p**n more frequently to get a release.

One day she checked my browser history and confronted me on my p**n use. This turned into a confrontation about our lack of a sex life, and her inability to communicate with me what the block was. I tried candles and music. I tried nice dates. I tried massages. Anything my young mind could muster. It all just ended up with her just going to bed. I remember asking her what she expected me to do, since she didn't want to have sex with me and she didn't want me looking at p**n (Not trying to justify p**n, but I was getting nowhere with her). In the first 6 months of our young marriage, I think we had sex maybe 1-2 times.

We tried doing counseling at the church we were going to, and we got nowhere with that as well. At this point, I think it was maybe 7-8 months of being married and things still weren't changing. There was a woman I worked with that I ended up getting closer to because we worked in the same department. I was venting one day out of frustration and she expressed interest (it was a long time ago, so I don't remember exactly what she said, but it caught my attention). A month or so later, she "jokingly" invited me to her house. I went, and we had sex. I remember feeling bad immediately after. I took the time to muster up the courage and confessed it to my wife.

Naturally, she was devastated, and we took some time apart, but she didn't want to leave me. We did counseling again, but nothing changed. At that point, I was ready to call it quits, and I told her as such. She ended up having a conversation with a lady at church that changed her mind in a way I couldn't. We apologized to each other, and she acknowledged how her rejection on a consistent basis almost destroyed our marriage, and I apologized for doing something I knew would hurt her. I truly did love her, but I felt neglected, and because of that, I acted out.

We've had a lot of ups and downs, but we're still married to this day. I'm really grateful to the woman she talked to at church, because whatever she said to my wife made the lightbulb go off. Now that I'm older, sex isn't nearly the issue it once was, but it almost killed our marriage.

TL:DR: Wife wouldn't have sex after getting married, and I met someone that would. I tried to get her to come around, but she wouldn't until I cheated. She chose to stay with me and we worked it out. It's been 15 years now.

Radykall1 , Priscilla Du Preez Report

Final score:

80points

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Nina 1 year ago

This still seems like a horrible marriage 15 years later.

74points

I was young and immature enough to be susceptible to all the pop culture messaging that says being a player makes you “cool”. One night when I was out getting super drunk with my buddy, I met a girl and decided I wanted to be cool.

Woke up the next day feeling awful. Came clean to my girlfriend. I was so impressed by her not leaving me, I decided to propose a few months later.

After several s****y years and a divorce, I’ve learned 2 important lessons: (1) just because someone says the words “I forgive you” doesn’t mean that they actually mean it, and they could still bring up your mistakes years later every time you get in an argument, and (2) just because someone does one really amazing thing (like forgiving you), doesn’t mean you should ignore all the other unrelated problems in your relationship.

Story-Checks-Out , Anete Lusina Report

Final score:

72points

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Lauren S 1 year ago

Forgiveness doesn’t mean it’s forgotten and sometimes forgiveness isn’t a stable concept. One day you can whole heartedly forgive someone and be in a really good space but the next you can find yourself feeling differently. Especially if something happened to make them less secure in the relationship. I imagine the woman did forgive but she definitely never forgot or moved on.

46points

To gain more insight on this topic, we also reached out to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and host of the Couples Therapist Couch podcast, Shane Birkel, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. First, we wanted to know how common he believes cheating is. "By the time people go to Couples Therapy, they're usually feeling stress in their relationship. One of the most common reasons they are feeling stress is because of infidelity," Shane explained. "For that reason, I'd say my practice isn't a good sample size compared to the general population."

Honest answer is that it was all about me and my insecurities. Had nothing to do with her. I wasn’t very attractive to anyone in high school or even college. Huge nerd and all. Barely lost my virginity at the end of college and nobody was into me. Later on in life, I had some professional success and made a bit of money. Obviously it wasn’t real and I should’ve been stronger and smarter, but very attractive women were into me and competing with each other for my attention for the first time in my life. I’d never had the experience of being the cool one at the party, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Yes, I cheated. No, nothing she did brought it on. It wasn’t her fault, and she couldn’t have prevented it in any way. I just had to learn the hard way what really mattered in life. The good news is, she’s my true love, and she stuck by me through it. Now, I’m so devoted to her I couldn’t imagine even considering another woman.

Crustybuttt Report

Final score:

63points

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similarly 1 year ago

Here's the truth: if a person cheats, it is NEVER the partner's fault. The person who cheats had a choice. They made a choice. No one tricked them (actually, that's called "assault"). Now they may have excuses and justifications, and some of those may be understandable and reasonable, but it doesn't change the fact that a choice was made.

83points

Thedudewhoeatsfood Report

#10

Immaturity, and self centeredness. My wife and I were almost “forced” to be together at the beginning because I got her pregnant while we were broken up. So the first couple years was really tough as I was about 18 and she was 17 when it all happened. We decided to try and make things work, which resulted in incredible toxicity for the first 3-4 years of my kids life. I made many mistakes and one day she got fed up and left me. I had never been closer to suicide in my life, losing my kid, my girl, my Pets. I’ll never forget walking into my once lively and energetic apartment to nothing but quietness and darkness. I screamed into my pillow for hours crying and beating myself up. It caused me to stand up, and do my best to become a better man. After a year of fighting to get her back, We have now been married for 4 years going on 5 and have accomplished so much together. I don’t even get the urge to cheat because the pain of losing my family is far greater than any temptation of pleasure could make worth it. I was blessed that my wife decided to give me a chance and let me show her I will grow. Now I am a multi-business owner, she owns multiple businesses, we have two kids now, and an incredible life to share together. I was very lucky to have that happy ending when many others, rightfully so, will cut it off and never look back.

Final score:

55points

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ginny weasley 1 year ago

Whatever idiot adults forced them to be together because she got pregnant made this mess. And I don't believe they are happy just because they are more financially stable

4points

Supreme_InfiniteVibe , Becca Tapert Report

And when it comes to some of the most common reasons men choose to cheat, Shane shared that they may be seeking "a sense of excitement, to feel connection, to feel desired, or as an escape from the stresses of family life."

"Making the choice to cheat is breaking a contract. Men are socialized to not be connected to their emotions or be able to express their emotions very easily," the expert went on to explain. "Because of this emotional immaturity, they often have a hard time communicating their true feelings in a relationship, so they might have an affair to subconsciously bring things to a head or even end the relationship."

"This also explains why even good men sometimes cheat," Shane added. "They just don't have the skills to be able to communicate with their partner and instead, seek to get needs met elsewhere."

#11

Because I was young and self centered and didn’t really love her.

Btw these don’t excuse cheating but they do describe the reality of my situation as a weak man.

Final score:

49points

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Lulu John 1 year ago

A lot of these are really coming from a place of growth and acceptance. It’s nice to see

39points

#12

I have because after not being touched in a sexual or non-sexual way for 6months, the attention from another person is intoxicating and wanted to be honest.

I think I'm just used for money and quality time as long as any of that time does not involve sex in any way anymore.

I didn't cheat for sex. I wanted to connect with another human who did want to actually touch me

HairyBearAdmire Report

Final score:

47points

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Maebe Maeve 1 year ago

If you're not fulfilled in your current relationship and feel used, leave it and find someone else.

18points

PracticalCreme9881 , Siavash Ghanbari Report

Shane also shared that relationships can absolutely be saved after one partner cheats, but it's going to take hard work. "There has to be a true desire by both partners to make the relationship work," he explained. "One of the first things couples need to do is cut off contact with the affair partner. The affair is a huge trauma, which in itself is a very difficult thing to recover from, but to make matters more complicated, the very person who traumatized you is the one who you are depending on for support and love and healing."

"Affairs can easily take 2-3 years to recover from," the therapist added. "Usually, the person who was betrayed has a lot of hurt and anger and sadness and they are looking for their partner to lean into the discomfort and give them acceptance and compassion. The partner who had the affair often just wants to be trusted and for things to go back to normal. This creates a dynamic where every time the betrayed partner tries to talk about their feelings, the partner involved in the affair is dismissive or minimizing, or tries to fix the emotions which is invalidating."

#13

Out of anger, frustration, and stupidity. I miss her every day.

Final score:

45points

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It's just me 1 year ago (edited)

Good. I hope you do! I'm going through this heartbreaking crushing feeling right this second so... that's how I feel.

6points

#14

My ex had untreated, undiagnosed ADHD. Every day was a crisis from day #1. We had a crisis every day for six years. I was a doormat and sacrificed every single need I had, the very essence of my personality and self esteem.

One day she asked to open up the relationship. Everything went downhill from there.

We are currently in the process of a divorce. I’m working out how to be a better man out of this mess. I don’t wish her ill, and hope we both find peace.

AirframeTapper Report

Final score:

45points

POST

CatLady 1 year ago

I get why you are divorcing. I lived a long time with undiagnosed ADHD and it's hell on wheels. You honestly don't see what you're doing to others. Looks to me like you did your best. She's going to need some years and work to learn to live with her diagnosis and manage it. I'd suggest you get some therapy if possible, learn what you can, and remind yourself that you were in a brutal situation.

13points

We also asked Shane if he had any advice for individuals out there who may be considering cheating on their partner. "I have seen so many situations, where someone decided to have an affair and then it completely ruined their life, and they almost always wish they could go back," he told Bored Panda. "A good question to ask yourself if you're thinking about having an affair is, 'Why do I need to act impulsively?' If you have an affair, it will either lead to the end of your relationship or 2-3 years of misery and hard work to recover. Why not just face the problems in your relationship first, live within your own integrity, and talk to your partner? If you feel a need to rush it, that's probably not a good sign."

#15

It's very addictive being wanted. Especially if you aren't often. The shame makes it worse strangely enough. You can't really talk to anyone about being tempted or even crossing the line. There's no support system from your friends or family that tell you you're an idiot. And being addicted it's very thought telling yourself.

MarioNSFW , Christian Erfurt Report

Final score:

41points

POST

Lauren S 1 year ago

Everyone likes to feel wanted

25points

#16

Because I was 6 months into a sex ban, being verbally and emotionally abused, and she had just cheated for the 3rd time, and blamed me for it.

So I f****d her best mate, and suddenly I was the bad guy.

H16HP01N7 Report

Final score:

41points

POST

Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago

Her best mate wasn't as best either. These three look like the circle of hell.

26points

"If you feel like you can't talk to your partner, it's also important to surround yourself with other supportive people like friends, family or even a therapist," Shane added. "Getting other people's perspectives or seeing a therapist can give you a lot more clarity and help you make a more grounded decision."

If you'd like to hear even more words of wisdom from the marriage and relationships expert, be sure to visit Shane's website right here!

#17

Lack of emotional maturity and confidence.

McSkillet2323 , Ron Lach Report

Final score:

40points

POST

#18

I think for me it boiled down to being checked out emotionally but without the spine or backbone to end it

The general excuse I used to make myself feel better about the s****y actions were we weren't compatible anyway.

But that had nothing to do with the damage I caused to the heart. I'm a little more remorseful and try to be considerate these days but I fully expect karma to come throw the egg on my face some day.

dogbarf_ , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

38points

POST

Lauren S 1 year ago

🍳 Do you think the egg will come with or without the pan?

32points

#19

It was late and I was groggy, she initiated and I was lonely. Rationalized it out as we hadn't been dating that long and had never actually discussed exclusivity, besides, it was only hand stuff. I was more providing a service.

Older and wiser... for anyone who doesn't know, cheating is not really about what you do. It's about whether or not your partner would be upset if they found out and/or if you're doing something that you've talked about not doing. Basically the problem with cheating is lying and sneaking.

If you feel the urge to cheat it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. At the end of the day you either wanted something bad enough that you were willing to hurt someone you care about or you didn't care about them at all. Either it's time to talk.

djayd , George Coletrain Report

Final score:

38points

POST

Lauren S 1 year ago

He was providing a service guys. It’s totally okay.

12points

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#20

I was 18 and it was my freshman year of college and I had recently lost my virginity to my then gf at the time. Went home for thanksgiving and a girl I went to high school with made a move on me and I went along with it.

We didn’t have sex but regardless I felt terrible afterwards and haven’t cheated again since. My ex never found out about it. Lesson learned. Cheating is never worth it.

wchimezie , Abstral Official Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Lauren S 1 year ago

Some people say once a cheater, always a cheater. I think it’s different when they were really young. They lacked maturity, relationships weren’t necessarily as serious, I get this one. But that’s because I absolutely cheated in my past but not since I was 18. So maybe I’m justifying but I would never cheat now. Freshman year of college and 9 months deep versus married and together for nearly 17 years. They aren’t comparable even though I loved them both.

22points

#21

Because I was a selfish a*****e

ijftgvdy Report

Final score:

33points

POST

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

yep. It boils down to this plus neglect on the other side. You do not cheat on someone who is amazing to you. I can tell that from my own experience. Once a person becomes s****y and abusive you feel zero loyalty to them.

0points

#22

Because I forgot what a healthy relationship was like.

After 3 years together, my then gf and I kinda ended up in a rut, in hindsight we stayed together longer than we should have. We were living together but had already grown apart too much.

She eventually told me, pretty much in passing, "Hey, btw, just a heads up, *male best friend from college* has expressed that he has feelings for me, but idk if that's mutual or not yet, so I'll keep you posted I guess".

That level of disloyalty and blatant disrespect straight to the face broke something in me. She had managed to shatter every last ounce of self respect I had left after months of dealing with her b******t. Deep down I knew the end was coming and started to pull away.

I went out drinking one night while visiting my parents with some of my high school friends and met a girl I knew vaguely from highschool as well. I didn't even mean for it to happen, I had brushed of every advance whatsoever since I got serious with my girlfriend, like I should've, but after her comment about her friend I just didn't have the energy anymore.

And man, I had just forgotten what that was like. To have someone actually be excited to see you. To not feel talked down to. To have someone be genuinely interested in what you're up to and what you have to say. To not have every conversation you have end in a rant about what you're doing wrong and how you're useless. To have any form of intimacy that doesn't feel like a chore that's just for her benefit.

I'm not proud of what I did, but I won't regret it for a second either. I know for a fact, with 100% positive, willing to bet my house and life savings levels of certainty, my ex gf would've done the exact same, and more, had she been in the same situation.

It felt like a wake up call. We broke up the next day and I honestly felt like I'd been freed. I ended up dating the girl I met that night for 6 months.

I don't condone cheating, ever. I'm not proud of what I did. I've reflected on that time extensively, both by myself and in therapy, and honestly, I did everything I could. I know I wasn't perfect, but she wasn't either, and I know for f*****g sure I tried everything I could to make that relationship work out, and it didn't. I'm not proud of what I did, but I sure as hell don't regret it either.

David_Hosselhoff , Crew Report

Final score:

33points

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censorshipsucks 1 year ago

THIS. "And man, I had just forgotten what that was like. To have someone actually be excited to see you. To not feel talked down to. To have someone be genuinely interested in what you're up to and what you have to say. To not have every conversation you have end in a rant about what you're doing wrong and how you're useless. To have any form of intimacy that doesn't feel like a chore that's just for her benefit." That is the key reason. Do NOT neglect your partner or s**t on them all the time.

13points

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#23

Because I’m a piece of s**t. Next question.

nazzadaley Report

Final score:

33points

POST

John Harrison 1 year ago

Yup. Sometimes that's the reason.

1point

#24

I was 18 and kissed another girl while drunk. I felt terrible and made my girlfriend (long distance) feel really s****y but she also understood it was more of a lapse than any sort of emotional or really even sexual violation. She was way too cool about it. I’d never want to do it again.

jbo99 , Tallie Robinson Report

Final score:

32points

POST

Sara Wilson 1 year ago

OP is VERY lucky! 1) that they were forgiven and 2) that the partner WAS ACTUALLY ABLE to let it go and move on

5points

#25

She was withholding sex whenever I said something slightly wrong in her eyes. She would do this for months at a time because one time she asked if she should lose weight and I said « you should do what you feel is best

Luigi_is_my_god Report

Final score:

30points

POST

Xenon 1 year ago

Toxic, run far away.

28points

#26

Alcohol mixed with being wanted by someone beautiful. I know it’s not a good excuse and sure I’m an a*s, but you wanted an honest answer and I’m sure I’m not the only one

fffmanimal , Daniel Wirtz Report

Final score:

28points

POST

Lauren S 1 year ago

Being wanted by someone you view as attractive can make you feel really good about yourself. I can understand that. I can understand the urge to cheat, wanting to cheat. But the bit you have control over is your actions. Acting on those urges is where people become at fault. There is far more here than the part OP shared, whether it’s about his view of himself and his own attractiveness and worthwhile-ness or something along those lines, or if it’s about his relationship and what the issue is between them. This is a very superficial explanation in my opinion.

11points

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#27

At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. Hear me out: my wife had an anxiety disorder which made sex painful. I thought I would get that need met somewhere else to take the pressure off her. I thought I loved her (I did according to what I thought love was at the time) so I didn't want her to be upset for not meeting my "needs". I justified it to myself that way for awhile. I learned in the end that we were just unhappy together. Pro tip: don't get married young or thinking it will solve any problems. We were divorced just under 5 years later. She is remarried and has been for many years. I have had one relationship that lasted 2 months, 12 years ago. I never want to hurt anyone like that ever again, so much so that I've avoided relationships.

ThatGuy22355645 Report

Final score:

28points

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Maebe Maeve 1 year ago

Two words: informed consent. Once you remove that, you are being deceptive and abusive.

1point

#28

If I’m going to keep being accused of it might as well do it.

Apprehensive-Ant6921 Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Lulu John 1 year ago

But why even be in that relationship to begin with? You don’t have to be miserable. There’s no rule in life that says you’re not allowed to be happy that you have to stay with one person.

20points

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#29

Wanted to try something new. Needless to say, the relationship went bust thereafter.

Tilion90 , Gama. Films Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Maebe Maeve 1 year ago

"the relationship went bust" -> "I busted the relationship"

8points

#30

Honestly, it was the chance of a lifetime. She is the perfect girl, I had loved and chased her on and off since high school, we had been vague acquaintances at best, I doubted she knew my name. One day she messages me out of the blue if I was still living in the city I was living in, that she had some business and that we could meet up. We meet and have an amazing time, there's some alcohol. She comes back to my house and says she's had a crush on me since high school as well, we decide to play a drinking game which becomes a taking of clothes game. I'm laying on my bed drunk in my underwear, she's standing beside the bed naked and says "now what", and then I just couldn't contain myself anymore. I have absolutely zero regrets.

Ilookbetterthanyou , Alena Plotnikova Report

Final score:

20points

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kansasmagic 1 year ago

Having trouble reconciling "I had loved and chased her on and off since high school" with "I doubted she knew my name." "Chasing" someone who doesn't even know your name is a little sus...

2points

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Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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Rasa is a photo editor at Bored Panda, they have a college degree in photography and are currently studying sewing. Ever since childhood Rasa was interested in visual arts, including painting, photography, knitting and so on. When not at work or studying they like to knitting, cooking and spending quality time with their cats.

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What do you think ?

POST

Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago

I don't think people who cheat (let's make this genderless because it is) truly realise how deep trust and self esteem issues they leave behind. It's a literal trail of destruction. So for the love of God, break up before instead of breaking up after with aggravating circumstances. For those who grew out of it together, congratulations. I sure as hell can't forgive, but props to people who can.

21points

similarly 1 year ago

I totally agree. Whether the person is male or female or nonbinary, being cheated on is such a violation of trust and such a crushing blow to the self esteem, it hurts no matter who you are.

7points

Mathias 1 year ago

So where is the shocking part? People do cheat, big surprise... it's normal to feel attracted to other people now and then. The difference is how it is handled and I am the opinion it's better to talk open, then you either find a solution that works for both or break up, still tough but at least either way you'd be free of the guilt of secrecy. And yes I absolutely think you can tell your partner if you feel attracted to somebody else, the partner is the person you should be closest to. I know many people who say if my partner just mentioned thinking of it he can go... well don't be surprised if he does lie to you then.

8points

similarly 1 year ago

Sometimes I write stuff, and then later I think: nah. Nobody cares what I think. This was one of those moments. Hey, I love ya, BP! Believe me, it's better if I just keep quiet in the corner over here.

5points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

yeah if you say negative stuff here you get downvoted till your account gets blocked. It's happened to me a few times. People use it as a kind of punishment if they disagree with you. Downvote should only be used against hate speech people and spammers.

6points

Lana Lana Banana 1 year ago

1point

Nora Cook 1 year ago

I hear ya

0points

Doodles1983 1 year ago

What about (cue downvotes) it’s highly improbable out of 8 billion people on the planet, that you find one who can fulfil every emotional and physical need? I'm female (if that matters). I have cheated, and I have been cheated on. I am not proud of it, but I have sat and looked at why. And I have decided that monogamy/ the one, is unlikely. Based on theory of evolution and statistics. Other cultures practice polygamy, and polyamory/polysexuality is rising. A lot of the time, the physical thing becomes the small issue. Lies and deceptions are a bigger problem. Truthfully I’m not built for monogamy. But since being introduced to poly and ethical non-monogamy with like minded people or even monogamous people who accept “me for me” and respect that, it’s possible to have meaningful relationships with multiple people where it isn’t cheating. It takes insight and courage to admit monogamy isn’t for you and societal norms don’t have to apply, provided there is a degree of transparency.

1point

Gavin Johnson 1 year ago

I was brought up to respect other people even when they may behave irresponsibly or try to have a negative impact on my life. That means that even when a relationship is clearly reaching its zero hour the other person is still a human with feelings and a heart, even if it’s difficult to see their value to you, you treat them with respect. To have an affair or whatever you wish to call it is disrespectful to them, be a stand up human being and end your relationship before you decide to start another one (however brief it may be), you are showing the world who YOU are. Your values and beliefs are being eroded when you don’t treat others with respect, you may get a buzz or a one night stand but ultimately you are being disrespectful to yourself and your partner. If they are being disrespectful to you then get out with your head held high, there’s no mileage in ‘getting revenge’, leave the relationship and you’ll suffer less, you’ll move forward quicker.

1point

HarperTheCentaur (they/them) 1 year ago

I've never cheated but I've been the person someone cheated with. S****y of me but she was in an online-only relationship with a guy she hated, and I knew she liked me more than him anyway. Didn't go all the way (I don't do that anyway, like ever) but farther than we should have. I was young and dumb and I justified it to myself by saying that the bond I had with her was way more long-lasting and important than this relationship that she was basically only in for the giggles. I regret it, but what's done is done.

1point

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

This a a rough post but it's important for people to read these stories so they can see how commonplace they are. All my cases where I was the victim or the perp are above. I see the same patterns. It boils down to respect. If you disrespect your partner, they will probably end up cheating with someone who respects them. And in turn, that will therefore be disrespectful to you. Disrespect breeds disrespect. Always be kind, loving, and sexual with your partner. If you are not, you WILL lose them.

1point

Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago (edited)

While that might be true sometimes, it's victim blaming in a whole other lot of cases. You'll find caring, loving partners who get cheated on. Like, a lot. It's not always possible to find an explanation that doesn't boil down to a serious personality flaw on the cheater's side. (Edited some grammar)

2points

The Alchemist 1 year ago

Now we need a post about why women have cheated

1point

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

Pretty sure the reasons would be similar.

5points

Philip Yancey 5 months ago

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0points

Philip Yancey 5 months ago

0points

Dee 1 year ago

Yup, humans are complex and messy.

0points

maria helen 1 year ago

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0points

Green Shoe Laces 1 year ago

I found out after my ex-fiance and I broke up that he cheated on me because I couldn't have children. We finally broke up after 9 years together. I do really wish that I was smarter 4 years into our relationship that he was a big ole' a**hole when he became my supervisor, then 6 months later I had a miscarriage, then ended up in the hospital 4 months after that to have an ovary removed because of a tumor (caused by the miscarriage). He didn't even come see me while in the hospital or once I was home (with my mom) recovering from surgery. Then he actually had the nerve to ask me to go back to work less then a week after the surgery because one of the other guys in our department had a very bad staff infection, no one wanted to be exposed to staff or sharing the same space as someone who has such a bad infection, and my ex didn't think he could handle covering both shifts. At the time he thought that it was a reasonable request since for our job it's "technically possible" to do everything while sitting in a rolly chair. Yeah, I was young and dumb and I didn't see all the HUGE red flags throughout our relationship.

0points

Green Shoe Laces 1 year ago

I'm saying I was young and extremely dumb because i did go back to work 5 days after my surgery.

0points

POST

Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago

21points

similarly 1 year ago

I totally agree. Whether the person is male or female or nonbinary, being cheated on is such a violation of trust and such a crushing blow to the self esteem, it hurts no matter who you are.

7points

Mathias 1 year ago

8points

similarly 1 year ago

5points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

6points

Lana Lana Banana 1 year ago

1point

Nora Cook 1 year ago

I hear ya

0points

Doodles1983 1 year ago

1point

Gavin Johnson 1 year ago

1point

HarperTheCentaur (they/them) 1 year ago

1point

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

1point

Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago (edited)

2points

The Alchemist 1 year ago

Now we need a post about why women have cheated

1point

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

Pretty sure the reasons would be similar.

5points

Philip Yancey 5 months ago

0points

Philip Yancey 5 months ago

0points

Dee 1 year ago

Yup, humans are complex and messy.

0points

maria helen 1 year ago

0points

Green Shoe Laces 1 year ago

0points

Green Shoe Laces 1 year ago

I'm saying I was young and extremely dumb because i did go back to work 5 days after my surgery.

0points