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Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It

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As a woman, you sometimes notice how some people don’t get it. You just don’t approach a woman pumping gas at a station minding her business, especially when its dark. Similarly, you never try to pick up a woman at a gym who’s clearly busy exercising.

And in any occasion, you do not expect an explanation why a woman doesn’t want to talk to you. There’s no ‘why’ and ‘how,’ because every individual has a right to ‘just be’ and to keep to themselves ‘just because.’

Frustratingly, not everyone realizes that. Recently, Redditor Metallicmuffin asked women “What things do men do that frighten you without them even realizing it?” and the thread hit close to home for many people. The stories started rolling in, each one more eyebrow-raising than the one before it, making the thread go viral with 35.6k upvotes and 16.3k comments.

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#1

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Standing too close. How do you know if it's too close? I'll back up half a step, DON'T match it.

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296points

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One Redditor who goes by the nickname Several-Stable-9051 shared how “wanting to take me somewhere isolated to be just the two of us on the first date” makes her feel very uncomfortable. In a post shared in response to this bread, the woman wrote: “It’s okay if we’ve been hanging out for a while, but not if it’s the first time I see you in person. Whenever this happens I come up with an excuse not to go. I just don’t feel safe since I barely know the other person, but the worst part is when they try so hard to convince me to go with them.”

#2

Demanding justification for every no, and when it's given, arguing about how my reasons aren't valid.

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Final score:

292points

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#3

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Not taking no for an answer. Especially when they pretend to be jokey about it but you can clearly tell they’re kind of pissed…if that makes sense.

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289points

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We reached out to Several-Stable-9051 who shared some insights into what men’s behavior makes her and fellow women feel vulnerable, threatened, and uncomfortable. “Being in an isolated place with someone you see for the first time is very risky for your own safety. You can chat with that person and think, from the way that they text you, that they’re the sweetest and kindest soul you’ve ever met. However, in real life, they might unexpectedly turn out to be a dangerous and frightening person.”

#4

Joking about r*pe. Just makes me think you have r*pe on the brain.

I met a couple dudes at a bar who invited me and my friend to a party they were headed to. We were trying to find a polite way to turn them down when one said, "Don't worry, we're not going to r*pe you. Ha, ha!" We turned him down flat, and not kindly (thankfully we were next to the bouncer) and his friend said, "dude! What the f**k is wrong with you?!" My question too.

Final score:

278points

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#5

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Pushing my wheelchair to "help" me and be a "gentleman". You're literally abducting me - it's no different from my perspective that you picking up an able-bodied woman and running off with her.

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Final score:

278points

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#6

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Going to the bar to get you a drink without you there to watch the bartender pour it. If I don't know you well, I won't accept a drink from your hands... Ever. Straight from the bartender to me.

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Final score:

274points

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This is because social media doesn’t represent reality, Several-Stable-9051 argues. “Very often we hear on the news hundreds of stories about people getting beaten, robbed, kidnapped, raped or even killed by someone they knew online and thought to be trustworthy,” she explained and added that “sadly, the majority of these victims are women.”

#7

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Oh god I had one of these guys, he “opened” the train door for me to get off (it opens automatically) and so I said “thanks”. Apparently he took that as an invitation, because he then followed me through the station trying to talk to me. I was polite but dismissive. He was creeping me out so I stopped to top up my metro card even though I didn’t need to. He stopped and waited for me. I pretended I didn’t see him.

He then followed me out of the station asking me where I lived (I lied) and then asked me if I had a boyfriend (I said yes). He then asked if I had Facebook (I didn’t answer) and then asked me if my boyfriend had my Facebook password?? He then told me “you don’t need to be scared of me, I just want to be friends.”

By this stage I was fully freaked and was texting my boyfriend about it. I didn’t want to go to my bus stop in case he followed me home, so I walked to the most populated street I could find, still ignoring him while he followed me. Eventually I went into a supermarket and thankfully lost him.

I have never spoken to a man on a train or at a station ever again. I don’t even make eye contact.

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Final score:

272points

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#8

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Blocking the doorway - especially during an argument. Ex did that and would make himself bigger (spreading his arms etc) so I couldn’t leave the room.

Final score:

266points

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#9

I was late getting my driver’s license and hired a professional driving instructor to help me learn to drive. He was a guy about my age and he was openly hitting on me. It was so uncomfortable. It was just us in the car and I was in such a vulnerable position as a novice driver depending on him for support. I didn’t want him to think I was interested but I also was terrified to be rude to him because he was in control. It was a terrible experience and actually set me back several more years from driver training.

Just need to add as well, since there are presumably men here reading to learn what not to do: learn how to notice hesitation. You’ll never understand the intense pressure to be nice, polite, and even feign some form of interest as a method of self-preservation. It is a survival tactic and it works, just about all of us have gotten out of a volatile situation this way. If a woman is avoiding eye contact, seems to hesitate to answer (especially personal questions), or is agreeing with you a lot without attempting to carry the conversation, she is hoping you’ll leave her alone. Interested women make eye contact, share willingly, and try to joke around or otherwise show their personality. If you’re not sure, tell her you’re going to another location in whatever establishment you’re in (“I’m going to grab a drink/go outside for a smoke/go back to my table”) and invite her to join you. If she comes along, green light. If she takes the out and makes an excuse to leave, you have your answer.

Final score:

254points

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According to Several-Stable-9051, if she goes somewhere isolated with someone she doesn’t know personally, the chances of getting rescued if something happens are very low. Therefore, as a woman, she feels comfortable in public areas, like bars, “where everyone can hear me and come rescue me in case I need help.”

She also shared a couple of other men’s behavior that makes her very uncomfortable and violated, especially when dating. “Speaking from my own experience, something that makes me really uncomfortable is when the other person tries to touch me without my consent, like rubbing their hands on my thighs or putting their hands on my waist and not removing them even though they notice I’m getting really uncomfortable.”

#10

The way a guy talks about a woman he doesn't find attractive is so unbelievably revealing about who they are as a person. I've been able to witness some of these conversations as I lived with a guy who was like this and it both frightened me and saddened me.

Just because someone is not desirable to you, it does not make them less of a human being. They are as deserving of respect as everyone else.

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Final score:

234points

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#11

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Not going away when I have made it abundantly clear that I am not interested.

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Final score:

227points

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#12

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Wanting to take me somewhere isolated to be just the two of us on the first date. It’s okay if we’ve been hanging out for a while, but not if it’s the first time I see you in person. Whenever this happens I come up with an excuse not to go. I just don’t feel safe since I barely know the other person, but the worst part is when they try so hard to convince me to go with them. This makes me feel more and more uncomfortable.

Edit: ooookay I’ve read some of your comments and I think I have to clarify some things. What I intended was that I make up an excuse not to go to THAT specific isolated place, which means that I actually go to dates and propose to go to public places instead. I’ve never ghosted anyone and I’ve tried to tell truth and make the other person understand that I didn’t feel comfortable. Something I’ve been told many times is: “What do you mean by "I don't feel comfortable"? Do you think I'm a crazy psychopath who rapes or kills people? Come on don't say nonsense, let's go, get in the car.” I mean, is this supposed to make me feel safe? By the way they react it seems like I’m offending them, which is clearly not my intention. That’s why I started making up excuses, because they stop insisting only when they know that something bigger is preventing me from going. I’m fully aware of the fact that not everyone has bad intentions, but it’s not something I can understand immediately the first time I hang out with someone. Besides I don’t blame those who are simply clueless. My comment was just sharing a personal experience, not a general attack on men, and you can tell by the fact that I used “they” and “the other person” instead of “he”. Both men and women can experience this kind of things, and I welcome everyone’s story.
For those who commented using not very kind words, please stop trying to make me look like I’m just a paranoid woman who can’t tell the truth. And thanks to those who shared their experiences and opinions under what is one of my first comments here, I really appreciated all these interactions! Stay safe y’all!

Several-Stable-9051 Report

Final score:

216points

Deborah B 2 years ago

Why would *any* woman meet a man for the first time anywhere *except* a public place with lots of people? It's a basic safety precaution.

229points

Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)

It’s a safety precaution that has been known and passed on for well over 100 years. I can attest to that because of own family. My mother graduated high school in 1938, and married my father in 1941. When I was 15 and going on my first date, she told me, her youngest child and only daughter, never to accept a date from someone who wants to go anywhere that’s not public, never get in a car with a date you don’t feel comfortable with so always carry taxi or bus fare home. When you’re older and have your license, you drive yourself to and from the date so you’re not dependent on him for anything, plus you can make an excuse and leave any time you want. If you’re walking home and someone is following you too closely, cross the street and head for a crowded area or find a cop. If you can get to a phone, call home if you’re uncomfortable or he has tried something you don’t want, like to kiss you, or block you from leaving, or saying lewd stuff—-she said to remember that you have a father and four older brothers who will come and get you and give the creep a severe “talking to”. This was coming from a woman who herself was told the same stuff by her mother and older sister, back when she was 15 in 1935. Her mother had married her father in 1899, and was told the same things, modified for her time of course, when she started going on dates unchaperoned. Women have ALWAYS had to be careful when dealing with men on dates or at parties or in crowds or other functions men would go to also. Thankfully, it’s no longer some kind of secret or being swept under the rug, which is probably why so many unthinking men are getting so pissy about it, and and claiming they’re being bashed—-and claiming it happens to men too, even though those statistics are tiny in comparison. You’re not being attacked or bashed, guys, we’re letting you know what happens to us, as a way of telling you to step up and help when you see it happening, to stop doing it yourself, and to loudly and publicly call out your friends when you see them doing it too. (Sorry my comment is so lengthy.)

43points

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Batwench Premium 2 years ago

Why would any man for that matter? It can work both ways.

6points

Robert Giese 2 years ago

Yes, no? I'm guessing no.

-3points

Robert Giese 2 years ago

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Brandie Litchfield 2 years ago

You are clearly a *HUGE* part of the problem.

15points

Macncheeselife 2 years ago

Her edit makes makes me feel sick. That many people got mad at her on a post for being uncomfortable with isolated spots? She doesn't need to explain herself. No can also just mean no. No from being even slightly unsure still means no.

61points

Alicia GriffonLady 2 years ago

You have to wonder if many of the comments were one incel with multiple accounts. (Or hope it is since it's common sense not to go some where isolated with a stranger. Who would be offended aside from creepy people?)

1point

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Lousha 2 years ago

Anyone commenting negatively about this it THAT guy who is offended and starts to protest that he's not an axe murderer. And even in less creepy situations, like you're working in a shop and someone insisting that you give them something and they will bring the money later, and then getting offended that you take them to be dishonest. Don't be offended. Just accept that if someone doesn't know you, they don't know you. They just don't know if you're a great guy, if you're trustworthy. They don't assume you're a POS, but from their point of view it's just as possible as the opposite. It's not personal. It's reasonable.

40points

Flash Henry 2 years ago

The fact that this person had to write the edit in the first place is ridiculous. I see that all the time on subreddits that were created SPECIFICALLY FOR WOMEN with women feeling that they need to apologize because some butthurt men got offended.

32points

Bubs623 2 years ago

This, right here. The OP having to post an edit and explain herself. She's allowed to feel uncomfortable! She's allowed to make excuses or 'ghost' people if she feels at risk. Sheesh

29points

Kate Jones 2 years ago

Also, asking to meet at his apartment/house on a first date. Sometimes a guy is like 'I want to cook you dinner' or something and it could be completely sweet, but you should never do that. If I don't know you, I'm not going to your place alone. And I don't really want you at mine yet either. Adding to that, there's this ridiculous idea- at least in the US- that you have sex on the third date. So if a guy is asking to come over my place or wants me to come over his on a third date I assume he expects sex and that get's me annoyed. Don't pressure anyone based on that kind of thing because it just proves all you care about is the sex part. Yes sex is important but if I met you a week ago, I kind of want to know you a little bit. If all you're looking for is sex there are plenty of places to get that without strings attached. Don't pretend you're looking for a girlfriend if you aren't.

27points

Sandra Morison 2 years ago

The right time for sex is when you BOTH FEEL COMFORTABLE, 1st date, 3rd date 6 weeks later 3 months or when you get married it's something you SHOULD discuss . It's not the same for everyone at every stage of life

18points

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L̸1̶z̵ 2 years ago

This edit should not have been necessary... Pretty ironic...

25points

凜린Kat 2 years ago

Let's stop gaslighting and/or lecturing and/or shaming. Fear is fear. Just listen to her story

24points

Kate Stark 2 years ago

Gotta love the world we live in where a woman has to justify & defend her choice not to go somewhere *isolated* with someone she barely knows!

15points

Yvette Desmarais 2 years ago

As soon as a guy starts challenging my safety requirements I'm done with him. Whether he is a psycho or not, he's not an understanding person. Next!

14points

Ingrid Nog 2 years ago

The fact that she had to explain herself again because people in the comments were getting offended says a lot about why we need to take these precautions already.

13points

James G. Currie 2 years ago

First date? Coffee shop at a decent hour with plenty of people around.

12points

ADumpsterFire 2 years ago

Love the coffee shop date. No long dinner to sit through if you don't vibe, if you do you can do something else afterwards.

4points

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CatWoman312 2 years ago

Honestly the edit wasn’t necessary. We have a habit of explaining ourselves to men who whine about our resistance. It’s not necessary or required.

11points

George Pagliarulo PAGLIARULO 2 years ago

No paranoia here, just good common sense. Anyone, man or woman, who does not understand the reasons for a woman to not put herself in an isolated location with, essentially, a stranger, and continue to insist it is ok are at best clueless. At worst, if a man, somewhat emotionally abusive. If a woman, a potential victim. My daughter and granddaughter would never do this on first meeting someone.

11points

Carriann Frye 2 years ago

The fact that you would have to edit your post to explain yourself is really disturbing.

9points

Nancy Doughty 2 years ago

Anyone who expects you to explain/defend your response (either dates or commenters) are idiots and deserve the following, "What part of "no" don't you understand."

9points

NicNor5560 2 years ago

My mother and I (adult w/children) went on vacation in RD while my husband was in China. We accepted someone's offer to show us around - he has a horse and open carriage for a good price. First he stopped somewhere and wanted money to buy candy for the school children (I have him 1/2 of what he wanted), then he stopped somewhere in the middle of nowhere and there was a table, a fridge and a lean-to. He invited us to get down the carriage and eat a meal. We just looked at each other and both thought how stupid we were. My mother who doesn't speak much French (she didn't want the guy to understand) starts telling me what she imagine what would happen to us if we get down: drugged drinks, place to hide our body, etc. We declined but he kept insisting he needed to rest the horses. We didn't budge. The ride ended not long after that. OMG, we were so scared! I called my husband in China when we came back to our room. Didn't care about the price or the time zone.

5points

Widda 2 years ago

OP. Who ever made you feel you had to explain that was a man being a sh*t head. No. Is enough. If someone makes you uncomfortable it is OK to Ghost them. You owe Nothing to these people. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. You in fact owe nothing to no one. And if someone makes you feel creeped out. Trust your feels. Ghost if you feel the need. Explaining why only makes them hide their creepy better so the next person questions themselves more. If we trusted our gut we'd be in less abusive situations. But "not all. Men" Is a phrase designed to make us trust ourselves less. All.men until all. Men are trying to stop it.

5points

Alicia GriffonLady 2 years ago

I don't think ghosting is a good idea. Explain why they come off as creepy. They might not realize they are doing something wrong. If they argue after you explain, then ghost them, but don't just leave them to simmer in hatred with no clue why. If enough people tell them what the problem is, maybe they'll think about it and stop doing the creepy thing? (Chances are they'll get angry and be an a*****e about it, but you never know.)

0points

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Okkkkk 2 years ago

Should be absolutely no need to explain/edit. And I 100% agree... after the first couple of times of people not taking "no" or "let's meet in public" then why not change tactics. I'm assuming the folks that negatively commented are the same ones that have zero clue how women feel in these situations. Yes, there are good men out there and they absolutely wouldn't question this either. If they do... run.

5points

Al Connor 2 years ago

always meet in a public place, and always tell someone you are going and have a time to text by as well, those used to me my rules when online dating

5points

Kristine Postell 2 years ago

You didn't have to justify your answer

4points

Dave 2 years ago

At first, if it is suggested, and refused and if it is accepted without argument and with understanding. That is not a red flag at first. However, if on the same date, the suggestion comes up again, that is a red flag. If the guy does not take no for an answer and is pushy about getting somewhere to be alone, run for the hills.

4points

S. Mi 2 years ago

One of the things I think people lose track of: it is not every man that hurts women. Hell, it's not even most men. Really most men are fine, many are incredible. But the damage done by those few can take a lifetime to repair.

4points

SmolPlantLady 2 years ago

That's not the point. The point isn't to pat the "good guys" on the back. The point is, there are so many violent men out there, this post has included not only the original poster's experience, but also tons of women replying with their own similar experiences with downright scary, entitled men. If "most men are fine, many are incredible," there wouldn't be THIS many women reporting otherwise. Some women don't even report it, because they don't know if that "potentially incredible man" might find them, and make them pay for it with their life.

6points

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Alicia GriffonLady 2 years ago

So you're saying go ahead and go to isolated places with complete strangers because there's only a small chance of being raped and/or murdered? -.- How many men have you dated? I met a whole bunch of scumbags in a row before meeting my Canadian husband. I litteraly had to get out of the USA to meet a decent man.

1point

HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 4 months ago

There was a college study done and 30-40% of guys said they would rape if they could get away with it

0points

HighNMightyBigshot 11 months ago

Misogyny is on a continuum, not all men rape but there are a myriad of other ways for them to be evil and vindictive.

0points

Allyson Brooks 2 years ago

Okay. The fact that OP had to use more words to explain and justify what she originally said because of the men responding with indignation is a huge indicator of the problem.

3points

Kelli 2 years ago

I knew what you meant. I was also never ok with a first date picking me up. I preferred to meet them.

3points

Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago

I totally get this! What is wrong with you haters? Some guy I'd never met in person (yeah - a friend of a friend. Great friend.) wanted to PICK ME UP AT MY HOUSE, you know like - where my children live? And was obviously pissed when I told him I don't give my address to strangers. I let him rant for a minute or two and then just calmly told him, your reaction tells me everything I need to know about you & I have no desire to meet you in person. Please lose my number. My (ex) friend was really upset because "he's such a great guy" and I had hurt his feelings. Really? That "great guy" was arrested for attempted rape not six months later. Listen to your instincts.

2points

Darcy Marie 2 years ago

I'm guilty of this. I was talking to another woman i worked with for a bit but we only ever saw each other at work. I finally asked her out and my dumb a*s asked her to go hiking at a super remote place. I wasn't even thinking about the implications, just that i love that spot so much and it's so beautiful that I want to share it. After she was half joking like "ummm are you taking me to the woods to kill me?" I was like uhhh... How about the zoo instead. She said yes and we had a great time. A few months later she told me she was super scared when i suggested the hike. Me = idiot.

2points

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

The fact this lady had to clarify anything shows how out of touch the commenters were.

2points

Bethany Tomchick 2 years ago

I used to not do this and I have gotten in some really bad situations. I actually had to run away from a date. He was psychotic, aggressive and terrifying. Most men aren't like this, but some are and we're smaller than you so just let us do some basic things to protect ourselves from that possibility. We'll get to know you, feel safe and then we can go on dates in private.

2points

Ana Garfield 2 years ago

Trolls won, by forcing you to add such a long edit. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. Ever. If they say stupid s**t, let them.

2points

Daffodil 2 years ago

Just the fact that the edit was necessary is b******t

2points

Lazy Panda 2 years ago

Any man whose response to wanting to meet someplace public isn't "oh of course, duh, I should have thought about that" isn't someone I would want to pursue a relationship with. My only problem with the OP is that she decided to make excuses rather than straight up say "I'd rather meet someplace public like [coffeeshop/bar/restaurant/busy park]" to avoid discomfort and spare these guys' feelings. It should be a screening item!

2points

Alleman Jennifer 2 years ago

There is zero reason to meet aman in a remote area unless you know who they are...know know... what they are about and ur cool with it.

2points

Nizumi 2 years ago

Brunch. First dates should always happen over brunch at a restaurant/bistro/greasy spoon/food truck.

2points

Artchangel 2 years ago

yikes, I can't believe you had to defend yourself on this, that's a major warning sign from someone!

1point

Gypsy Lee 2 years ago

That she felt she had to defend herself after telling this story says a lot about the person commenting, & some people are clearly missing the fact they are demonstrating creepy, possessive, insecure, bullying, & abusive behavior. They have missed the point. Entirely. Your ego & entitlement just got in the way.

1point

Sam Tiller 2 years ago

Even a lot of guys don't feel comfortable with that sort of thing, and the kind of language a person uses really reveal what their true intentions are.

1point

Anne-Marijn Dohmen 2 years ago

First comment I ever placed on bored panda. Your edit feels like you need to justify any behavior you ever acted on when feeling unsafe. Sweety, there is absolutely no need to and anyone saying any unkind thing about this just hasn’t had this experience. This is what a lot of women go through, a lot! And having the strength to be honest like that just makes you someone I wish I was at a younger age. When it comes to stuff like this, there is just no need to be nice about it anymore. I’ve been nice enough for too many years to too many creeps.

1point

Lyone Fein 2 years ago

You're doing the smart thing.

1point

Brian White 2 years ago

When I don't know where a woman's comfortability is, and the first date is a dead ringer, I give public and more private options and let her choose. Rinse repeat until I know where we are.

1point

ADumpsterFire 2 years ago

The fact op had to edit and explain something that's pretty basic is sad. Like nobody should go to a isolated area with a stranger for a first date. Not sure why that made people upset with her.

1point

C W 2 years ago

You don't have to explain yourself on this one. Anyone worth your time will respect your decision to meet somewhere public. If they don't, their loss and you get to move on. My husband was one of the first guys who was the one to propose going somewhere public the first few dates to make sure I felt comfortable. No pressure, no guilt. They're our there, and if you feel you have to make up an excuse to not go somewhere isolated because they don't get why it would make you uncomfortable, move right along!

1point

Verified Losr 2 years ago

I am the exact same way, and I'm pretty blunt about the fact that I'm not comfortable. If the first thing out of anyone's mouth (potential girl and guy friends as well) is anything but "oh I understand. We can go *insert public place* or do you have a place in mind?" they are more than likely not going to be talking to me after that.

1point

AnonymousApple 2 years ago (edited)

Dude, when I was in my 20s I met a lot of people online, and when we made plans to meet up in person, I would literallly ask, "Are you going to tie me up in a closet and pour bleach on me?" You can't effing trust anyone.

0points

Alicia GriffonLady 2 years ago

Better safe than sorry, as the saying goes. I mean, the victims found out in isolated spots don't get there by coincidentally teleporting there.

0points

Mary Elliott 2 years ago

Never, ever, ever go someplace private on a first date unless you feel 1000% comfortable with it. No excuses necessary. Them insisting you go when you say your not comfortable with it is a huge red flag. Any man who does not respect no, or understand why women prefer to meet strange men in public, is not worth your time, and potentially dangerous. Stay safe. That's way more important than "offending" somebody.

0points

Candace Mccoy 2 years ago

Never let someone pick you up at your house. Meet them at a crowded place not bar or club. Go to Applebee’s or one of those places even if you hate it. Have what my friends and I call puma colada and appetizers. Which means just have a meaning one drink and couple appetizer. Safer and they can’t expect anything in return going to an expensive dinner. Drink a fruity drink like a pina colada. Or ask for a virgin one. If the guy birches tries to talk you into a real drink that’s a bad sign he’s trying to get you drunk. Just tell him you may have to work tomorrow/you’re on call. I never tell them what I really do for a living either.

0points

Debi Swing 2 years ago

I think our biggest problem is trying to be polite. We're afraid to say something back to a date if we think we're being rude. The manners that I was ingrained with by my Mama are hard to shrug off.

0points

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According to Redditor, boundaries are essential, and every single person must respect them. “Also, if they don’t take no for an answer, that makes me feel not only uncomfortable but absolutely terrified,” she added. “What I want everyone who does that to know is this: if you’re aware of the fact that you’re making the other person uncomfortable with your actions and you keep on behaving like that and do absolutely nothing to improve the situation, then you are a bad person to be absolutely avoided,” the woman said.

#13

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Years ago I went out with this dude and during snacks and a drink, it was pretty clear we weren't a good match. I politely turned down another round and thanked him. I put my bag over my shoulder and began walking to the bar to pay. Not more than two steps from the table the dude YANKS my purse strap and says

"what no hug?"

Really taken aback, I hugged him and shuffled quickly to pay and get out of there. As I was paying I explained to the waitress whom I knew from another job that the dude was super creepy and asked if I could sneak down the back stairs. She let me go through and I rushed down the backstairs and then outside to my car. Breathing a deep sigh I got out of the parking lot and at the first red light at the corner where the restaurant was....was the creepy dude crossing the street. Without any hint of emotion, he whipped out a pen and wrote my licence plate down on his hand. Never saw him again, that I know of.

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Final score:

198points

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#14

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Sitting right next to me when I don’t know you and there are plenty of other seats available.

Dataoink Report

Final score:

191points

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#15

When I was at my thinnest (UK 6) a lot of men I might chat / flirt / go on dates with would talk about how they liked how small I was and they’d love to get their hands on me cos they could imagine how light and limber I would be, that they could lift me up, make shapes with my body, throw me around, have lots of fun essentially use my tiny body for their own gratification etc

They would often laugh and joke around in this manner like I should be so flattered cos, y’know, all every woman wants us a big stwong mayn to take a hold of them and just do whatever the f they want, show us how it’s done, right?!

Disgusting, disturbing and often quite scary. Many men just want to (ab)use a woman like a sex doll and expect to be thanked for it

ShellySerena Report

Final score:

188points

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She continued: “However, if you really want to change, then learn to respect boundaries, to ask the other person what makes them feel safe and comfortable, to take no for an answer, and to be understanding. Something that you think is trivial might make the other person feel scared for their own life to the extent that they won’t be able to let you know that.” The woman asks men to “pay attention to the other person’s body and act accordingly. It means a lot, especially for women.”

#16

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It "I don't know why you're acting so cautious. If I wanted to kill you, I would have already done it."

Said to me by a friend of a friend I was meeting because it was his first time in a foreign country.

Joyous_catley Report

Final score:

187points

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#17

My stepfather is constantly commenting on how much my daughter (10 yrs old) is growing into a young woman. Once mentioned how pretty she was in her tank top, and it skeeved me out so bad I had her go change. He noticed and said something along the lines of “oh I hope she didn’t do that because of me” Like, yes, dude, she did 😐

amor_ami Report

Final score:

187points

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#18

I'm a bisexual woman. Doesn't matter who I'm talking to, whether it's just a guy I'm getting to know or a guy I've been on a couple of dates with, EVERY ONE makes the "hehe we should have a threesome" joke. It's not funny. It's not cute. It's a violation of my boundaries and an immediate red flag. Automatically I'm on edge.

VictoriaMaupin Report

Final score:

172points

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Several-Stable-9051 also wanted to clarify that even though the question in the thread was addressed to women men can have the same experiences. “That’s why I always used ‘they’ and ‘the other person.’ Under my post, I found comments from men sharing their own experiences, and I want them to know that their stories are as valid as those of women,” she concluded.

#19

This one may be intentional, but it gives me the absolute creeps when men try to squeeze past me and lightly put their hands on me, especially my waist. I hate it. Just say “excuse me.”

Edit: quite a few people have asked clarifying questions, so I’ll give my thoughts on when it’s okay to touch a woman in a crowded area. (1) Try to just go around her another way. (2) If you can’t, say excuse me. (3) If it’s loud or something and that doesn’t work, sometimes touching just can’t be helped. Either just squeeze past if it’s a packed area, or if you have to lay your hands on her, a firm (but not rough) hand on the shoulder or upper back is likely fine. Lightly tickling the lower back or small of the waist is creepy. Usually if you touch a strange man that way, you might be up for an a*s beating. If you wouldn’t willingly touch some big, strange guy that way (mostly looking at you, straight guys), don’t do it to a woman.

Proper-Emu1558 Report

Final score:

166points

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#20

Guy here. Never realized that working alone with no-one else in the store - night or day - can potentially be terrifying. I've opened and closed where I was the only employee in the building and not once have I ever felt in any immediate danger. Some folks I suspected being a bit shady but they never gave me any trouble. Not once did I ever think I could be at significant risk. As a guy, it's just not a thought that ever comes to mind.

I worked for a local business whose owner, 25 years ago, had a man run into his store at around 10am frantically telling him to call the police. Turns out the poor guy went into the adult video store next door and discovered the young female clerk stabbed to death and laying lifeless in a pool of blood on the floor. Details emerged that she was stalked by someone who went to school with her and one day he got fed up with being told "no" and not long after that returned with a knife and killed her. She was lying dead on the floor for at least a half hour before she was discovered... and since adult stores have their windows blocked and doors blocked so no one can see inside, the only way someone could see what happened is they were actually customer who intentionally went inside. Since it was a weekday morning, the store wasn't busy at all.

The case was solved a couple of years ago (after being a nearly 25yo cold case and easily the most high-profile unsolved homicide in our city's history) and I was on shift the day the local news - and cameras - came into my workplace and wanted to speak with my boss. I later learned my boss was the very first person who made the call to 911. He was in the cooler putting an order away and didn't hear the murder take place. My former boss came to Canada from the Middle East about 50 years ago so he's doubt see some s**t over there... and he still ranks this murder as the saddest and most traumatic thing he's personally dealt with.

From day on, he *never* let any staff member work by themselves to close the store again.

FromFluffToBuff Report

Final score:

161points

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#21

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It When men try to show off their “dominance” over you or anyone really. Like when you mention something to a guy about another guy and he goes “I’ll kill anyone who talks to you” it’s quite frightening really.

gnat1107 Report

Final score:

157points

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#22

Not understanding that a polite decline isn't an invitation just to try harder, and is just that, declining to spend more time with the guy.

I know men complain all the time about how women must be communicating in some bizarre code they can't be expected to understand, but a lot of women have been conditioned by experience to decline a man's invitations or attentions in the most polite, face-saving way possible.

I don't think there is a woman out there who hasn't had a man get really angry and threatening when they, the woman, was just trying to say "thanks but no thanks" and move on.

I am not just talking about getting picked up in a bar or on the street. I am talking about any man anywhere who decides he wants a woman's full attention, or wants to give his opinion (on her appearance, attitude, lack of smiling, whatever), at that moment.

It happens so often that you just want to get away from this guy, but they aren't really noticing your (to you) obvious expressions of wanting to leave, and if you get more explicit, you really don't know what will happen. If you stay, you also don't know what will happen, because they might think you are "leading him on."

It feels like a no-win situation, and one a man could use as an excuse (either way) to verbally or physically attack you.

zazzlekdazzle Report

Final score:

153points

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#23

I'm a guy, but I've been told by women that me raising my voice has been very frightening/triggering.

ReallyBadNuggets Report

Final score:

150points

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#24

Someone saying "where's my hug?" or otherwise trying to imply that they are owed physical contact.

44morejumperspls Report

Final score:

149points

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#25

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Asking personal questions that have nothing to do with why you are communicating in the first place. Example: getting my muffler welded and being asked by the welder "where do you live? How long have you lived there? Do you have roommates or is it just you?" And about thirty more personal and invasive questions.

So. F*****g. Uncomfortable.

lurk_redeemed Report

Final score:

142points

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#26

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Hovering. Don’t hover behind me. That’s one of the very few things that makes me nervous.

Final score:

140points

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#27

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It It's not frightening, per se, but it definitely makes me wary because it could lead to situations that *are* frightening...

When talking to a guy, he's super pushy. Like, asking for pics of this and that (and *that*) and even saying no, they're stilly pushy... all that makes me do is not want to meet him. If he's THIS pushy via text/messaging, how pushy is he going to be in person? If he can't take no NOW, what are the odds he can take no in person?



I once had a guy DEMAND that I rank my sexual partners. I told him no. I told him "I can't and I won't." Dude flew off the digital handle. I blocked him right then.

erikalg_vo Report

Final score:

133points

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#28

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Pretending we’re deeper friends than we are, being overly familiar and then acting like they have a “right” to you. Had a guy do this in college. When I told him he didn’t get to dictate who I talk to, he spit his drink in my face. I barely knew him!

gorillaboy75 Report

Final score:

133points

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#29

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Telling me things they would do to me if I didn't have a husband. Being out somewhere and them not letting me leave, not taking no for an answer, telling me that they drive by my home to see if I'm there.

chut2906 Report

Final score:

128points

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#30

"Idk why you're so nervous. It's not like I'm going to rape you... if I wanted to do that there's nothing you could do to stop me anyways"

UH. the thought hadn't crossed my mind until YOU brought it up unprovoked. FOUR TIMES.

Edit[copied from another comment I made further down to give context to the situation]

Hung out with a guy I knew from back in high-school that I hadn't seen in years. He is physically about 4 times my size and was acting a little strange. [Trying to touch me/ invade my personal space even after i had made it clear i wasn't interested in anything more than friendship] I was nervous and shaking like a leaf trying to figure out how to gently extract myself from the situation. What scared me more than anything was him saying things like " idk why you're so nervous.. it's not like I'm going to rape you"

I thought even though he was overly enthusiastic that I would be safe until he brought up how he - wasnt- going to rape me 4 times. Obviously it made me feel like he must have been considering it :/ thank God I got out of that one safely

the-sweetest-heart Report

Final score:

125points

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#31

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It A guy I’m seeing took me out to a baseball game for our first date. It was nice, I didn’t get any weird vibes from him at all. After the game, he asked if I wanted to go see some of the spots he likes to go walking. I didn’t think much about it until we got there and i realized he was basically taking me to the woods in the dark. He told me to follow him and I’m thinking I’m about to get killed but it turns out he just wanted to show me his favorite place to go on walks and chill because you can see the entire city from there and at night it looks really pretty. He took me to a couple more trails that night and I ended up having a great time and forgot that it’s pitch black outside and I’m with a guy I’ve never gone out with before out in nature. Definitely thought I was going to get killed at first though.

-shitbiscuit Report

Final score:

34points

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#32

Call me nicknames like “sweetheart” or “baby girl” when I’ve never met them before.

IronDominion Report

Final score:

34points

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#33

Joking about how easy it would be to overpower us. On more than one occasion I’ve had male friends joke about how easy it would be to pick me up or restrain me or another woman. It’s not funny, it’s creepy.

HeartKevinRose Report

Final score:

34points

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#34

Please don't talk to or approach a woman pumping gas, especially at night. I'm sure the moon does look amazing but I am not interested right now. Gas stations are creepy enough without having to make small talk with a stranger. This goes for parking lots at night as well.

museum-mama Report

Final score:

34points

#35

Getting angry at other drivers and then driving very aggressively

Nobody_Wins_13 Report

Final score:

33points

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#36

Invading my space. I used a massage chair a few weeks ago at the gym, and it’s one of the newer models that will lift you and bring you to a reclined position about three feet off the ground (I’m 5’1 so for some that may not seem too high, but for me it’s pretty elevated feeling. There was this man who walked into the room, kept looking at me, and tapped me to ask me my name and tell me I was “pretty.” I had headphones in, my eyes were shut, and I CLEARLY was not wanting to engage with anyone. Flashed him my engagement ring (my fiancé wasn’t at the gym at the time) and told him my fiancé was coming to join me. Never saw a man book it so hard.

It’s so frustrating that no matter who CLEAR you are trying to make the fact you are a woman who is not interested in talking to people it’s not respected. Until you insinuate a more masculine partner is present.

May have been intentional there, but I feel like a lot of times invasion of space can be unintentional.

BlooberrySoftServe Report

Final score:

31points

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#37

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Pick me up. I'm short and have a slight build. It's not that I'm scared of them trying to prove how strong they are, I'm just terrified of being dropped.

Lil_pan_astronaut Report

Final score:

30points

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#38

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Guy who I sometimes see at work, has at least 20 years on me, f*****g pulled my ponytail to "say hi" one time. So shocked that I just smiled awkwardly and didn't say anything. Like what world are you living in that you think that's okay??

Edit: This got kinda big. Some more details -- I was able to talk to him later that day about how that wasn't acceptable and to not do anything like it in the future. He actually took it pretty well and has been fine to work with since. In this case, since there was no escalation, and I know my boss and other coworkers have my back, I didn't feel the need to do anything further. While some people have good intentions and don't know their behavior is out of line--those actions still cause hurt. Personally, as long as the person is able to acknowledge that hurt and do better moving forward, I'm good with them. Malicious predators are a different story. It can be hard to tell the difference in some situations. Y'all be careful out there.

almeisan_s Report

Final score:

30points

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#39

When I was in the navy 20 years ago a warrant officer asked me to shut the door to his office. After I did he said, “I could have my way with you on that couch right now and no one would believe you. The CO and XO are wrapped around my pinky and I would deny everything.” my mouth dropped and then he cracked up laughing and said he was joking. It scared me because he legit had that power. He was a good ol’ boy.

Ill_Plankton_4225 Report

Final score:

30points

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#40

First date, didn't really know him. Comes to my apartment to pick me up, invite him in and he proceeds to tell me how he is going to rearrange the furniture when he moves in.

Back in the 70's I always picked up hitch hikers, picked up this guy, he gets in then looks at me and says "you know you should really be careful about who you pick up".

Guy I was living with:"I know you will never leave me because you can't out run a bullet".

jadesisto Report

Final score:

27points

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#41

Flirt with me in front of their SO.

99% of the time she's going to get mad at ME, not him. I've had women threaten me and/or my family/job/other stuff because their man tried to get my number or complimented me in front of her.

I don't WANT him, leave me alone!

TheBitchIsBack666 Report

Final score:

27points

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#42

when they emphasize that i DONT need to be frightened of them completely unprompted. no easier way of getting me to be on my guard

moist-astronaut Report

Final score:

25points

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#43

Women Share 30 Times Men Came Across As Creeps Without Realizing It Being overly familiar with me, in a situation I cannot leave. I used to ride the bus home from work, and my schedule varied very little. This lead to me getting on the same bus at 10:20 at night, at the same stop every night. A man who rode the bus the same times, the same nights, took this as me wanting to be his friend. He immediately started asking me super personal questions; the highlights: "You must live around here because you always get off the bus after me!" "Who are you texting? I wish I could text you!" "Who do you live with?" "You must work at _________ because you always walk from over there!!!!" This is after me telling him I didn't want to talk, and that I didn't want to go out with him. UGH.



Edit: Whomever reported me to redditcares, awesome! I don't need that. I don't appreciate it. The situation I mentioned above is being taken care of by the proper authorities, and has been for the last few months, thankfully.

ambulancebeavers Report

Final score:

24points

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#44

Making unsolicited comments on our bodies. In my opinion this is never welcome unless it’s a compliment from a partner, it just makes me scared and want to run.

StudioEmbarrassed863 Report

Final score:

24points

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#45

Getting my number from someone else and reaching out to start an unsolicited conversation.

No_Exam_6642 Report

Final score:

24points

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#46

Happend few times: I was working late in small market with no one around and when they come in and ask me if Im not scared to be alone. Well, now I am, thanks.

bananko01 Report

Final score:

23points

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#47

Making crude jokes/double entendres if I don’t know you that well.

Even worse when it’s in a professional setting.

All you’re going to do is make me feel uncomfortable.

BroodyBatman Report

Final score:

23points

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#48

Insisting I give them my number and then making sure their call comes through before I leave

creepy_pie31 Report

Final score:

22points

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#49

I walk and today a guy on motorcycle pulled up on me 3x. I mean dude if i dont want to engage, then dont follow, continue to pull over to meet me or whatever

Adding: wanted to add that although my area feels very safe, I dont wanna see any vehicle roll up on me(no shoulder!), because on President's Day, a car rolled up on me, windows came down, airsoft guns came out, and they shot me with rock salt😤

Adventurous-Dish-485 Report

Final score:

21points

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#50

Sending creepy DMs on Reddit. Seriously dudes....wtf makes you think I'm gonna send you naked pictures of myself?? Immediately BLOCK.

LusciousofBorg Report

Final score:

21points

#51

Using their loud voice when expressing their opinion against your opinion. That is when talking normally they have a certain tone and non aggression in their voice up until you disagree with something they have said and then their voice turns aggressive.

Impressive-Baker2549 Report

Final score:

21points

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#52

Sexual harassment while I'm walking down a street.
I have a very prominent sway to my hips when I walk. It looks like I'm trying to get attention from men but it's just my natural walk.

Despite what men think, I HATE this attention. Don't honk your horn at me...shout disgusting comments...or give me attention in general.

signandwonder Report

Final score:

21points

#53

Had an old man keep passing me at a public park comment about my daughter "there goes my girlfriend". She is 2. And yes, undeniably the cutest, but f**k that. That's just gross.

sculderandmully2 Report

Final score:

21points

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#54

Men sitting next to you in empty buses. It’s not friendly nor nice, it creeps us out.

humidcarpet Report

Final score:

20points

#55

I’m of the male variety. I drive Uber a lot, sometimes up to 12/hrs daily. I treat everyone with respect and will greet them when they enter and confirm their destination. Usually I’m quiet because I’m more introverted and just let the radio play. I started to notice girls would enter their address in their own gps on their phones (one time it started speaking turn by turn directions) until she quickly fumbled and turned it off. I didn’t think much of it but then one time a woman got in the car and she was wearing a sweatshirt from a local festival. We started talking about the festival and how our families go every year etc. when we got to her drop off, she thanked me for talking to her because she said usually she is so anxious in Ubers with male drivers. I honestly had never considered that before, so now I always try to start neutral conversations with woman in the car even if I’m tired.

Final score:

19points

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#56

Physical intimidation. Standing too close to me or backing me into a corner and making me feel trapped. It puts me on the defensive so fast.

Edit for clarification: I know some men do this intentionally but many do it unintentionally. Often men don’t realize just how uncomfortable or intimidated they can make women feel with their behavior and body language.

she_who_walks Report

Final score:

18points

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#57

As a woman in the service industry and also in general a lot of men tell me to smile because I’m pretty. It’s something that makes you feel reaaally uncomfortable inside like predatory almost. Sort of like cat calling (but that’s a give in)

Markimariee Report

Final score:

18points

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#58

Not accepting no or anything you explicitly outline to them.

4loveislife Report

Final score:

17points

#59

Obviously can’t speak for all women but we generally don’t have a fantasy of “belonging” to someone in a controlling sense. A lot of men can be pretty controlling without even knowing it.

Sweet_Celerie Report

Final score:

17points

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#60

Holding something sharp in an argument.

Blocking an exit.

Innocently touching me without consent.

jacquelinegoehner Report

Final score:

17points

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#61

Excessive compliments. One, is enough and sweet, but a couple more in the same setting…creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable…

DarlingLee Report

Final score:

17points

#62

Calling other girls bitches so casually in conversation like they didn't just drop the biggest red flag

Valuable-Hat-5976 Report

Final score:

17points

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#63

When they taunt me about not wanting to have a conversation with them (a stranger).

A recent example that I want to vent about: last week my friend and were smoking outside the bar she works at, and she thought she recognized her male friend.

She quickly realized it wasn't him but it was too late and the stranger came to us and CROUCHED to be at our level (we were sitting on a step) and simply would not take our explanation -that we mistakenly thought he was someone else- for an answer. (Edit: we had already said and signalled to him that it was a mistake, so when he inserted himself in our bubble, I was like "alright there he f****n goes")

For way too long he stayed there and purposefully ignored what we were saying and pretended to not understand, for example, he went "It was a mistake? What do you mean? I don't think anything in life is a mistake." Bla bla bla. He would turn anything we said into a question.

It was infuriating. I tried stating politely that it was a mistake, we apologize and he could go.
I tried shutting him down and saying straight up " can you please just go?" but he just would not budge.
Anyone would have known by our facial expressions and tone of voice that we were not enjoying him being there at all and were seriously wanting him to leave. I ended up just grabbing my friend, we got up and quickly walked back to the bar a few doors down.

As we were walking I heard him say "What, you're scared?"

This stuff happens to me too often. These men get off of making you uncomfortable or knowing they're ruining your fun. I have to get better at ignoring them but god it's so difficult. They don't mind standing 1 foot away from me, talking to me while being ignored, that's easy. But I just want to scream and tell them to f**k off. I'm scared of them, a minute of it feels like 10, I'm scared they could get angry just as they could take my silence for a green flag.

The thoughts that go through my head are incredibly violent whenever this happens.I absolutely despise men who do this, I am an adult human just like you, I deserve the same respect, I deserve not to get bullied by strangers on the street who have never seen me and will never see me again.

Sorry for the rant.

EDIT: The only funny thing about this whole interaction is that my friend and I are fluent in english and french, so after we explained, politely asked him to leave, etc... and he wouldn't budge, I started having a conversation with my friend in french and telling him to f**k off, and insulting him with a deadpan expression. Admittedly that wasn't gonna accomplish anything and it's an a*****e move but it felt good, kind of like reversing the table. HA! Who's talking to a wall NOW hmm?

throwawayfaceappgirl Report

Final score:

17points

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#64

When a man asks to come inside my place after a date when it wasn’t planned in advance during the early stages of dating; still getting to know them.

Personally this has happened to me a handful of times. Sometimes the men who do this will insist on picking me up, which - yes - a gentleman will pick up their date from their place; truly appreciated.

When they drop me off afterwards and walk me to my door (which - again - it’s a kind gesture), but then they invite themselves in, I feel trapped.

I’ll invite you over when I’m comfortable.

If they have the courage to invite themselves into my home early-on and spontaneously, what other boundaries of mine will they push? It frightens me.

muffalo3000 Report

Final score:

17points

#65

Catcalling or harassing pregnant women. I'd heard of it happening but never witnessed it until now. Now that I'm pregnant, I can't move as fast or as well as before and I'm having to worry over not just my safety but my child's too. It's terrifying in a whole new way to have a stranger looming over me and trying to chat me up when my body is contributing to my vulnerability more than ever.

Makasaurus Report

Final score:

17points

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#66

Or…blatantly taking your picture, with their phone, in public. Do they think we don’t notice? Even worse when their aim is clearly directed below your neckline.

Brunonononoooo Report

Final score:

16points

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#67

Commenting on how short or weak I look and explaining how easy it would be to pick me up or overpower me. Do men think I’ll think its sexy when they do this? Probably. Is it extremely concerning and scary? YES.

ctrlhoya Report

Final score:

16points

#68

Today I was at the corner store buying a bag of chips and cigars. As soon as I walked in, some dude eyed me up and down and kept making "Damnnnn." Remarks at me as I walked to get my bag of chips. I got to the register to pay, he was suddenly behind me and continued making, "God damnnnn" "Mmm" remarks. I couldn't even focus to pay, I entered the wrong pin for my card, my hands were shaking. I was scared and super uncomfortable. He even followed me out and watched me drive away.

angelegna23 Report

Final score:

16points

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“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#69

When you get close to me in a conversation, and I take a step back, don’t step forward. I’m trying to get some personal space. I’m making a bubble. Don’t invade my bubble!

Bunnicula-babe Report

Final score:

16points

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#70

Yelling, even when it’s not at me. They could yell at the tv and it triggers my fight or flight.

mamatoave Report

Final score:

15points

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#71

Staring for too long. Especially into my eyes if I don't know you. There's nothing more uncomfortable than unwanted staring from a dude you don't know like he can see underneath your clothes. It's a small disturbing thing that can really give me the chills.

jenniferlorene3 Report

Final score:

15points

#72

Last night I went clubbing and a guy asked me if I wanted a drink. When I said sure, he said coyly, “we’ll see.” A few minutes later, he left the spot where we were standing and came back with a drink for me. The fact that he didn’t ask me what I wanted and just brought me something he picked out was sketchy af. Also, he was acting like him buying me a drink was transactional and I owed him something in return. Those 2 things made me worried that at best, he was an a*****e and at worst, he spiked it. I didn’t accept the drink and left the club shortly after

Moral of the story: if you’re buying a woman a drink, be considerate enough to ask her what she wants, have her accompany you to the bar and don’t expect anything in return

gayglutengirl08 Report

Final score:

15points

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#73

Keep on pursuing me when I say no. It makes you seem obsessed. It worries me at what lengths you will go to make me say yes, or if you might possibly do something to any male I'm friends with. Obsession is a scary thing.

skatingduckie Report

Final score:

13points

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#74

- Thinking “no” is just us flirting and repeatedly trying anyway.

- Crossing the street when we do, and continuing to walk behind us.

- Commenting on how little we are (personally, I’m 5’2”), compared to them.

CupcakesAreTasty Report

Final score:

13points

#75

Getting angry/lashing out. I've been in situations where I was genuinely afraid for my safety when some dude (my boss at the time - I was 18 and working at a restaurant) started yelling at me after I made a mistake. He started getting up close in my personal space and moving his fist in the air all up in my face. He had to be restrained by one of my male coworkers.
Turns out he was an alcoholic with anger issues, but my point still stands - be careful of your body language when you get mad at someone, especially if you're a big guy. You sometimes don't realize how it can affect the person in front of you, even if you know that you won't hurt them.

Emmazingx Report

Final score:

13points

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#76

Also, if we’re making out for the first time and they do something aggressive (like…pinning your arms over your head then holding both wrists with one hand, leaving their other hand free).

It can be hot as f**k but if I don’t know you that well there’s a terrifying moment I wonder what I’m in for.

EDIT: I think OP's boyfriend may have hit upon the perfect solution for this (see replies).

Dataoink Report

Final score:

12points

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#77

Picking me up and moving me. I’m not very tall and dislike being treated like a doll to move around. Don’t f*****g touch me without my expressed permission.

SomewhereinOregon Report

Final score:

12points

#78

Instantly turning hostile when you said no, online or real life.

Calling me antisocial and then insulting me just because I don’t wanna discuss with you, a stranger, how you like eating broccoli. Really?

FuzzyGummyBunny Report

Final score:

12points

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#79

Anecdote from the wife: waiting to meet at a designated spot near a public space, under a street lamp, but you're wearing your hood up leaned against a wall not acknowledging anyone who passes by.

Told me it was creepy as f**k and was surprised when she texted to see it was in fact me just waiting.

I guess body posture and lighting is a factor. Had literally no idea.

dasoberirishman Report

Final score:

12points

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#80

I was running the other day. Some dude who was standing a few feet in front of me stared at me and started walking quickly toward me while raising an arm.

My gut reaction was that he was about to attack me. Turns out he was just trying to give me a high five.

To him I'm sure there was nothing scary or weird about what he did. But to me it was this random man who was larger than me coming straight at me while getting his arm ready to do something that could have ended badly for me. I don't have the luxury to assume the best case scenario. I will always default to the worst case because in the off chance it IS a worst case I'm more prepared.

Catsdrinkingbeer Report

Final score:

12points

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#81

3 years ago I matched with a guy on tinder and agreed to meet up with him. He suggested going to a park and when I got there it was a heavily wooded area with a trail and I stupidly followed him into the trail. We walked around for a while, sat on some rocks, then it started getting dark and we decided to head out but we ended up getting lost and not being able to find the exit and we stumbled upon a grave sized hole in the dirt and at this point it was pitch black and I was thinking it was all a set it up and that I was going to be ambushed. I pointed out the grave sized hole and he seemed scared too so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and stayed quiet. We finally found an exit after about an hour of stumbling in pitch black darkness. We’re still dating to this day and I’ve brought up what a horrible date plan that was, and how it came off the wrong way lol and he said he didn’t realize it at the time. It was a total curb your enthusiasm moment (I was picked up that day so I didn’t have a car with me to back out and drive home, so that was pretty dumb of me too)

Top_Ant40 Report

Final score:

11points

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#82

Coming on way too strong, especially online sometimes.

Or being way too demanding, about stuff at times.

And this one doesn't necessarily frighten me. Just kind of freaks me out. But at work, have had two foreign dudes, just starting at me when we're working. Both have been box builders, and just continuously stare as they make boxes or in the break room. And I don't care how "nice/friendly", people say they are. You don't just non stop gawk at people.

LurkingAintEazy Report

Final score:

11points

#83

This dude used to come into The restaurant I was waitressing at and would wear this “Cum & Go” shirt and would offer to buy a bunch of underage girls shots. He didn’t realize he was creepy, you could tell by the way he paraded his friends around with his boom box and play loud a*s music on the patio of the restaurant. Apparently he was a rich prick who donated money to the restaurant all the time.

After I left, I heard a story that he fixated on one of the waitresses that was nice to him, and he would follow her around and to her car. He even bought her a s**t Ton of expensive presents for Christmas which she refused.

Catcrazyfwm Report

Final score:

11points

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#84

Approaching while in a car and blocking our path with said car. Happened while I was on a walk so he could have parked, approached on foot, and maintained a respectable distance.

stellacdy Report

Final score:

10points

#85

Raising their voice.

theweird_blonde Report

Final score:

10points

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#86

I haven’t dated in almost a decade and this recent relationship I was in, was the most comfortable one that I thought it was always going to feel comfortable.. until we went on our first date and I tried telling him so many times to stop touching me because I hate physical touch (now realizing I just liked him platonically) and he wouldn’t stop and it really made me feel uncomfortable.. he crossed so many boundaries. I wish I didn’t have to feel like this with someone I considered being in a relationship with. We didn’t even last a whole month.. I didn’t want to see him again. So in short, when they cross boundaries and make me feel weak and worthless.

ppoopscoopp Report

Final score:

8points

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#87

Invading my space.

Bluebird-True Report

Final score:

7points

#88

Push for romantic emotional intimacy when it's inappropriate. I'm trying to be your friend, not your girlfriend. Don't make it weird, it only succeeds in making me uncomfortable and not want to be your friend let alone date you.

volumeblue Report

Final score:

6points

#89

Approaching me at a speed other than a leisurely walk or being overly familiar.

SliferTheExecProducr Report

Final score:

6points

#90

The only things they say to you (even if not inappropriate) are sexually charged or are inappropriate…

Lumpy-Actuary8275 Report

Final score:

5points

#91

I get scared when men get aggressive with each other… like I could feel an oncoming fight. Even if’s just a small bicker.

Densityroa Report

Final score:

4points

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#92

Anyone making a lot of noise in public wants some kind of attention and I don't always have a good read on what kind.

landshanties Report

Final score:

2points

Denis Tymulis

Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding. Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water.

Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding. Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water.

Liucija Adomaite

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

What do you think ?

Macncheeselife 2 years ago

So many of these have edits because people tried to destroy them for not being "open" or "expecting the worst." Women do not have to explain their rejection of someone to ANYONE. They can say no for ANY REASON. Anyone fighting that clearly feels like they "deserve" something, which is the exact toxic culture that is being pointed out. These are so hard to read.

56points

Jessica Bertram 2 years ago

precisely

8points

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Elizabeth Easter 2 years ago

You're absolutely right. I gave up on dating websites because I'm tired of politely telling someone we aren't a match, then being told I have to explain why, and then being insulted because they don't like my reason. Why can't men just accept my polite No, and good wishes to them that they find their person? Why does it have to become something ugly? So toxic and pathetic.

1point

Summer and Luna K 2 years ago

I totally agree with you 👍 💯 👏

1point

Lousha 2 years ago

It would be lovely if this was part of the conversation in schools instead of how much coal Poland produced in 1967. How to communicate with each other, how to make each other feel more comfortable, how to behave in a social setting, girls and boys alike. Teaching boys that their mere gender WILL make girls uncomfortable in certain situations and to deal with it in a healthy way. A lot of things men do to creep women out ARE unintentional, and the result of either never having experienced a constant background thought of "am I safe?" , or the fact that they feel awkward about the notion of girls being cautious and trying to handle it badly.

26points

Zophra 2 years ago

This is a really good point!

8points

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Ray Arani 2 years ago (edited)

My mother (now a public school primary teacher) spent several years when my siblings were young teaching at their parent led cooperative school. These were elementary and middle school kids. They actually designed a sex ed program with a "sexual etiquette" class where kids learned exactly this sort of thing! They even practiced having conversations around flirtation and sex and learned how to take rejection and read body language, as well as how to have conversations about sex or any physical intimacy, and how be assured of consent. It was pretty cool. I have a brother and a sister who went through that course and talking with them (I was an adult at the time) about it was really interesting and cool.

4points

Alana Voeks 2 years ago (edited)

They leave that to the family members, but boys, especially if the father never takes the mother seriously and makes jokes about her all the time, don't respect their mother's trying to tell them these things, and the father doesn't talk about it because "BACK IN MY DAY-". It's a crock of bull, and it won't get introduced into schools because guess who's primarily on leader school boards and who's primarily in government?

0points

Anna Nowak 2 years ago

By reading the first ten answers I can assure you, it's not "without even realizing that". In most of those cases men really know what thwy're doing and do it to assert their dominance. Maybe some of them don't intentionally scare women, but they want to appear big and "alpha" because they believe that women want that.

23points

Zophra 2 years ago

I don't think they think that women "want that.' I think this is just how they are?

6points

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Jessica Bertram 2 years ago (edited)

common thread through it all: women are objects to be claimed, to be owned by men, that men are entitled to sample, control, handle and peruse at their will, unless the woman is claimed by another man. ALL of this is baked into our culture. 'Smile'. The feeling that they're entitled to sex/physical touch/emotional or physical access of any kind. etc. Men, do better. Everyone, teach the littles to do better and expect more. Cultural shifts don't happen overnight.

13points

Beth Byerly 2 years ago

Yes, I like the way you put that, baked into the culture. I think, also, some of it is baked into our dna - there must have been some evolutionary advantage for domineering possessiveness over the childbearing members of the group?

1point

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Pepper DeVoe 2 years ago

Im a teen girl. I was sitting by myself on a public bench yesterday, and every time a guy walked by i got all tense and nervous. they didn't even do anything i just immediately got scared. maybe it was my anxiety but the fact that women have to just assume strange men are threats in order to stay safe is honestly kinda sad i think

12points

Lily Zdzinski 2 years ago

Yeah, I'm the same way.

1point

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Leslie Burleson 2 years ago

My daughter is 25 and she went to bingo alone the other night. A man sat down in front of her and said hi. At intermission he asked her if she wanted a water or anything and she politely declined. She was texting me the whole time and we were both kind of creeped out. He won twice and gave her $10 for bringing him good luck. We were absolutely sure he was some kind of creeper. I was getting ready to drive to the place and meet her so she didn't go to her car alone. He ended up leaving before the final round , and one of the waitresses told her he's a regular and he's just overly friendly. Security walked her to her car just to be sure. It's sad that somebody can't be nice without scaring young women. There is just too much danger out there

9points

Lousha 2 years ago

It's like men and kids. A grown man cannot show any interest in a child because he'll be taken as a pedo. It's really sad. Known a guy around 40 who walked through a park, then without thinking stopped to gaze at a kid around 4-5 years old, because they were holding a very thick, large book, like an encyclopedia. He was simply surprised that it's not a kiddie book. A second later two women practically attacked him, and ran him out of the park, screaming pedo, threatening to call police.

3points

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Susie Elle 2 years ago

Robert Giese, if you're reading this, I hope your get some good, proper therapy. For a loooong time.

7points

Hakitosama 2 years ago

Liking one comment on a random Facebook page.... Then trying to add you as friend and liking every thing on your wall without even engaging a conversation

7points

Ray Arani 2 years ago

I was assigned female at birth, and lived the first 30 years of my life presenting mostly as female socially. I was considered "butch" for most of that, so occasionally mistaken for a teenaged boy, but I'm also physically tiny and "conventionally" beautiful so mostly people saw a woman and treated me like one. I had a lot of this stuff happen to me with guys, often taken to the extreme when they found out I wasn't attracted to men. But for the past 5 years I've been medically masculinizing (transitioning) and am viewed as a male 8 times out of ten. Men are WAY more polite to me now. But the biggest difference I've noticed is how I interact with women had to change. Where I used to get eye contact and an easy shared smile or meaningless flirting, now I get the same practiced polite avoidance I used to have to give guys. I'm careful not to flirt casually, or pay too much attn to women if we're alone, not to walk behind a woman for too long, even if that means I reroute.

6points

Ray Arani 2 years ago

My main point here (ran out of room) is that I make an active effort not to scare women, and while it is a constant conscious process that takes energy and effort all the time...it's WAY less energy and effort than I spent presenting as female and just trying to stay safe. Guys need to quit freaking whining and complaining about this stuff like it's some big inconvenience. It's common courtesy, and it's way less effort for him than for her. I might have an advantage over some guys because I actually had the experience of being perceived as female so was on the other side most my life, meaning I know what to be aware of instinctually, but it's not that hard to learn. Try asking women you know who trust you what they do to stay safe, and remember that different women having different experiences and tactics is typical and all are valid.

7points

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Justme 2 years ago

When I ask where we’re going and get “it’s a “surprise” or “just up ahead”. Nope! Even if I know you well, I need to know where we’re going or I’m not going.

6points

Bex 2 years ago

Men who wrap their hand around the back of a woman's neck. This is not affectionate. This is not loving. This is about control, possession, and dominance. Run, girl.

5points

AndThenICommented 2 years ago

I’m surprised it wasn’t on this list, but a male friend exclaiming how they should have to try to impress a girl so that she would be interested in dating and that we’re all just going to run off with the most attractive or well off man anyway. Even larger red flag if a female friend points out how untrue it is and the guy doubles down. HUGE red flag for me

5points

Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago

Most of these are not "without realizing it" and that's the scary part. It has threatening auras all around it and that is exactly what they are after.

4points

kath morgan 2 years ago

What is it with guys skulking around in hoodies?

2points

Lily Zdzinski 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

1point

PL_96 2 years ago

I used to get cat called all the time as a young teenager, usually walking home from school in my uniform. I'm 26 now, and haven't been cat called in years. Go figure!

1point

Agent 8433599 2 years ago (edited)

I'm so lucky to live in a small town. For as long as I can remember, there has only been one big crime.

1point

Lousha 2 years ago

Even better, I live among deer, stray cats and pheasants. The largest crimes are along the lines of cabbage consumption committed at night. The only "catcalling" is done by me when I try to make friends with Ziggy, one of the regular cats around. Moving here was the best decision ever.

10points

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Livingwithcfs 1 year ago

I have al neighbor who always where I'm going, what I'm doing, who's coming over. Got upset when I told him it was non of his business (politely) he replied he was just watching out for me. That is so creepy I can't even see him without my skin crawling

0points

Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 2 years ago

Dated a guy about 50kg heavier than me - I was tiny. Said that I couldn't do anything if he held me down - I let him go after holding him in a headlock until he nearly passed out. We didn't date for much longer.

0points

Candace Mccoy 2 years ago

Hey I’m 58. Call me old if you want. But everything I’ve read here are old tricks guys were doing when I dated in my 20’s doesn’t change. Don’t let a guy pick you up at your house he doesn’t need to know where you live. Don’t pick him up the trick is to get you inside his house then it’s he’s almost ready, want a drink blah blah never make it out the house.Don’t go to a club/bar too noisy. Go to a inexpensive restaurant order a fruity drink have one of he tells you to get another ask for it with no alcohol or if he tries to talk you into something stronger just don’t.Go to the bathroom don’t drink anything you left on the table not even the water trust me.Had a woman tell me she was just drinking iced tea, went to the bathroom woke up at his house.Out by yourself or friends stick together.No one gets left behind saying “I have a ride”,“I’m ok” or “I’ll meet you at the next spot” chick went missing like that left with 2 guys didn’t make it homeSafety in numbers.Theres no after parties.

0points

Joybug 2 years ago

If anyone does anything like this to me, someone is getting hurt.

0points

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

I had an online boyfriend at one point who made it abundantly obvious he had eyes for someone at his location. So I told him, "go after her then," and when he turned it into a fight, I told him we were through. He acted like b***h baby in the situation to his family, who then proceeded to threaten me and try to get me to commit suicide. I was about 13 at the time, the dude was 13 and acting like he was 4 and I'd slapped him to his family. I laughed at them and ran mental circles around them. They were all 3 to 4 times my age and couldn't keep up with me. When it divulged into them just calling me a b***h and it was no longer fun to drag them along, I blocked them. In other words, women don't like when you try to act like a b***h to gaslight us into what you want. You have actions and use them, you need to deal with the repercussions.

0points

Bruce Leibee 2 years ago

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J. F. 2 years ago (edited)

Hell, I'm one of those guys that are constantly worried that being nice to a woman could be seen as flirting attempt, or that women on the street think I'm a creep while I'm just on my way to somewhere. Thanks to such idiots it sadly is a legit concern for the women and me alike I think

13points

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Hakitosama 2 years ago

Take it to the creepy ones. To "nice guy" it means no getting laid... To women it's survival basic sh*t

10points

Mary Jeffries 2 years ago

It’s not about making all men villains. The men who read these and internalize this honest explanation of what creeps women out are the good guys. Extra for if you help women to say no to these creeps.

5points

NicNor5560 2 years ago

A man I knew as an acquaintance in church kept asking me if I needed rides or anything else like that. I said yes a time or two but then I got worried. I asked someone who knew him better if that guy was dangerous. He just looked at me and asked why and I said "he has a broken nose, wears a nice suit, and always ends up at the doors looking inside, watching. Mafia creepy.". So he told me the guy is safe and works for the police/firefighter depts. Apparently, he kept asking me because he knew I didn't have a car and he had a lot of time on his hands. I ended up marrying him and we've been together 30+ years. Looked like a creep, but never a creep. Soft soul.

3points

Charles Williams 2 years ago

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Poeha 2 years ago (edited)

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Peter Kelly 2 years ago

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Pixie 2 years ago

So the headline, *that explicitly states what happens in these posts*, should be altered because it makes you feel lumped in with all men? Well, welcome to the reality of many women trying to navigate the world safely. You want that to be different? Be part of the change. Call other men, boys, your friends out when they say unappropiated things, when they disrespect women. Even when "it's just a joke".

19points

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Fat Harry 2 years ago

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Pixie 2 years ago

You are sick of it? Great, we are, too! We are f*cking tired of men behaving awfully, so we now call them out on their behavior! Lets stop creepy behavior being seen as normal, call assholes out even if they are friends or family.

19points

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Amanda Miller 2 years ago

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Macncheeselife 2 years ago

So many of these have edits because people tried to destroy them for not being "open" or "expecting the worst." Women do not have to explain their rejection of someone to ANYONE. They can say no for ANY REASON. Anyone fighting that clearly feels like they "deserve" something, which is the exact toxic culture that is being pointed out. These are so hard to read.

56points

Jessica Bertram 2 years ago

precisely

8points

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Elizabeth Easter 2 years ago

You're absolutely right. I gave up on dating websites because I'm tired of politely telling someone we aren't a match, then being told I have to explain why, and then being insulted because they don't like my reason. Why can't men just accept my polite No, and good wishes to them that they find their person? Why does it have to become something ugly? So toxic and pathetic.

1point

Summer and Luna K 2 years ago

I totally agree with you 👍 💯 👏

1point

Lousha 2 years ago

It would be lovely if this was part of the conversation in schools instead of how much coal Poland produced in 1967. How to communicate with each other, how to make each other feel more comfortable, how to behave in a social setting, girls and boys alike. Teaching boys that their mere gender WILL make girls uncomfortable in certain situations and to deal with it in a healthy way. A lot of things men do to creep women out ARE unintentional, and the result of either never having experienced a constant background thought of "am I safe?" , or the fact that they feel awkward about the notion of girls being cautious and trying to handle it badly.

26points

Zophra 2 years ago

This is a really good point!

8points

Load More Replies...

Ray Arani 2 years ago (edited)

My mother (now a public school primary teacher) spent several years when my siblings were young teaching at their parent led cooperative school. These were elementary and middle school kids. They actually designed a sex ed program with a "sexual etiquette" class where kids learned exactly this sort of thing! They even practiced having conversations around flirtation and sex and learned how to take rejection and read body language, as well as how to have conversations about sex or any physical intimacy, and how be assured of consent. It was pretty cool. I have a brother and a sister who went through that course and talking with them (I was an adult at the time) about it was really interesting and cool.

4points

Alana Voeks 2 years ago (edited)

They leave that to the family members, but boys, especially if the father never takes the mother seriously and makes jokes about her all the time, don't respect their mother's trying to tell them these things, and the father doesn't talk about it because "BACK IN MY DAY-". It's a crock of bull, and it won't get introduced into schools because guess who's primarily on leader school boards and who's primarily in government?

0points

Anna Nowak 2 years ago

By reading the first ten answers I can assure you, it's not "without even realizing that". In most of those cases men really know what thwy're doing and do it to assert their dominance. Maybe some of them don't intentionally scare women, but they want to appear big and "alpha" because they believe that women want that.

23points

Zophra 2 years ago

I don't think they think that women "want that.' I think this is just how they are?

6points

Load More Replies...

Jessica Bertram 2 years ago (edited)

common thread through it all: women are objects to be claimed, to be owned by men, that men are entitled to sample, control, handle and peruse at their will, unless the woman is claimed by another man. ALL of this is baked into our culture. 'Smile'. The feeling that they're entitled to sex/physical touch/emotional or physical access of any kind. etc. Men, do better. Everyone, teach the littles to do better and expect more. Cultural shifts don't happen overnight.

13points

Beth Byerly 2 years ago

Yes, I like the way you put that, baked into the culture. I think, also, some of it is baked into our dna - there must have been some evolutionary advantage for domineering possessiveness over the childbearing members of the group?

1point

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Pepper DeVoe 2 years ago

Im a teen girl. I was sitting by myself on a public bench yesterday, and every time a guy walked by i got all tense and nervous. they didn't even do anything i just immediately got scared. maybe it was my anxiety but the fact that women have to just assume strange men are threats in order to stay safe is honestly kinda sad i think

12points

Lily Zdzinski 2 years ago

Yeah, I'm the same way.

1point

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Leslie Burleson 2 years ago

My daughter is 25 and she went to bingo alone the other night. A man sat down in front of her and said hi. At intermission he asked her if she wanted a water or anything and she politely declined. She was texting me the whole time and we were both kind of creeped out. He won twice and gave her $10 for bringing him good luck. We were absolutely sure he was some kind of creeper. I was getting ready to drive to the place and meet her so she didn't go to her car alone. He ended up leaving before the final round , and one of the waitresses told her he's a regular and he's just overly friendly. Security walked her to her car just to be sure. It's sad that somebody can't be nice without scaring young women. There is just too much danger out there

9points

Lousha 2 years ago

It's like men and kids. A grown man cannot show any interest in a child because he'll be taken as a pedo. It's really sad. Known a guy around 40 who walked through a park, then without thinking stopped to gaze at a kid around 4-5 years old, because they were holding a very thick, large book, like an encyclopedia. He was simply surprised that it's not a kiddie book. A second later two women practically attacked him, and ran him out of the park, screaming pedo, threatening to call police.

3points

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Susie Elle 2 years ago

Robert Giese, if you're reading this, I hope your get some good, proper therapy. For a loooong time.

7points

Hakitosama 2 years ago

Liking one comment on a random Facebook page.... Then trying to add you as friend and liking every thing on your wall without even engaging a conversation

7points

Ray Arani 2 years ago

I was assigned female at birth, and lived the first 30 years of my life presenting mostly as female socially. I was considered "butch" for most of that, so occasionally mistaken for a teenaged boy, but I'm also physically tiny and "conventionally" beautiful so mostly people saw a woman and treated me like one. I had a lot of this stuff happen to me with guys, often taken to the extreme when they found out I wasn't attracted to men. But for the past 5 years I've been medically masculinizing (transitioning) and am viewed as a male 8 times out of ten. Men are WAY more polite to me now. But the biggest difference I've noticed is how I interact with women had to change. Where I used to get eye contact and an easy shared smile or meaningless flirting, now I get the same practiced polite avoidance I used to have to give guys. I'm careful not to flirt casually, or pay too much attn to women if we're alone, not to walk behind a woman for too long, even if that means I reroute.

6points

Ray Arani 2 years ago

My main point here (ran out of room) is that I make an active effort not to scare women, and while it is a constant conscious process that takes energy and effort all the time...it's WAY less energy and effort than I spent presenting as female and just trying to stay safe. Guys need to quit freaking whining and complaining about this stuff like it's some big inconvenience. It's common courtesy, and it's way less effort for him than for her. I might have an advantage over some guys because I actually had the experience of being perceived as female so was on the other side most my life, meaning I know what to be aware of instinctually, but it's not that hard to learn. Try asking women you know who trust you what they do to stay safe, and remember that different women having different experiences and tactics is typical and all are valid.

7points

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Justme 2 years ago

When I ask where we’re going and get “it’s a “surprise” or “just up ahead”. Nope! Even if I know you well, I need to know where we’re going or I’m not going.

6points

Bex 2 years ago

Men who wrap their hand around the back of a woman's neck. This is not affectionate. This is not loving. This is about control, possession, and dominance. Run, girl.

5points

AndThenICommented 2 years ago

I’m surprised it wasn’t on this list, but a male friend exclaiming how they should have to try to impress a girl so that she would be interested in dating and that we’re all just going to run off with the most attractive or well off man anyway. Even larger red flag if a female friend points out how untrue it is and the guy doubles down. HUGE red flag for me

5points

Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago

Most of these are not "without realizing it" and that's the scary part. It has threatening auras all around it and that is exactly what they are after.

4points

kath morgan 2 years ago

What is it with guys skulking around in hoodies?

2points

Lily Zdzinski 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

1point

PL_96 2 years ago

I used to get cat called all the time as a young teenager, usually walking home from school in my uniform. I'm 26 now, and haven't been cat called in years. Go figure!

1point

Agent 8433599 2 years ago (edited)

I'm so lucky to live in a small town. For as long as I can remember, there has only been one big crime.

1point

Lousha 2 years ago

Even better, I live among deer, stray cats and pheasants. The largest crimes are along the lines of cabbage consumption committed at night. The only "catcalling" is done by me when I try to make friends with Ziggy, one of the regular cats around. Moving here was the best decision ever.

10points

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Livingwithcfs 1 year ago

I have al neighbor who always where I'm going, what I'm doing, who's coming over. Got upset when I told him it was non of his business (politely) he replied he was just watching out for me. That is so creepy I can't even see him without my skin crawling

0points

Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 2 years ago

Dated a guy about 50kg heavier than me - I was tiny. Said that I couldn't do anything if he held me down - I let him go after holding him in a headlock until he nearly passed out. We didn't date for much longer.

0points

Candace Mccoy 2 years ago

Hey I’m 58. Call me old if you want. But everything I’ve read here are old tricks guys were doing when I dated in my 20’s doesn’t change. Don’t let a guy pick you up at your house he doesn’t need to know where you live. Don’t pick him up the trick is to get you inside his house then it’s he’s almost ready, want a drink blah blah never make it out the house.Don’t go to a club/bar too noisy. Go to a inexpensive restaurant order a fruity drink have one of he tells you to get another ask for it with no alcohol or if he tries to talk you into something stronger just don’t.Go to the bathroom don’t drink anything you left on the table not even the water trust me.Had a woman tell me she was just drinking iced tea, went to the bathroom woke up at his house.Out by yourself or friends stick together.No one gets left behind saying “I have a ride”,“I’m ok” or “I’ll meet you at the next spot” chick went missing like that left with 2 guys didn’t make it homeSafety in numbers.Theres no after parties.

0points

Joybug 2 years ago

If anyone does anything like this to me, someone is getting hurt.

0points

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

I had an online boyfriend at one point who made it abundantly obvious he had eyes for someone at his location. So I told him, "go after her then," and when he turned it into a fight, I told him we were through. He acted like b***h baby in the situation to his family, who then proceeded to threaten me and try to get me to commit suicide. I was about 13 at the time, the dude was 13 and acting like he was 4 and I'd slapped him to his family. I laughed at them and ran mental circles around them. They were all 3 to 4 times my age and couldn't keep up with me. When it divulged into them just calling me a b***h and it was no longer fun to drag them along, I blocked them. In other words, women don't like when you try to act like a b***h to gaslight us into what you want. You have actions and use them, you need to deal with the repercussions.

0points

Bruce Leibee 2 years ago

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J. F. 2 years ago (edited)

Hell, I'm one of those guys that are constantly worried that being nice to a woman could be seen as flirting attempt, or that women on the street think I'm a creep while I'm just on my way to somewhere. Thanks to such idiots it sadly is a legit concern for the women and me alike I think

13points

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Hakitosama 2 years ago

Take it to the creepy ones. To "nice guy" it means no getting laid... To women it's survival basic sh*t

10points

Mary Jeffries 2 years ago

It’s not about making all men villains. The men who read these and internalize this honest explanation of what creeps women out are the good guys. Extra for if you help women to say no to these creeps.

5points

NicNor5560 2 years ago

A man I knew as an acquaintance in church kept asking me if I needed rides or anything else like that. I said yes a time or two but then I got worried. I asked someone who knew him better if that guy was dangerous. He just looked at me and asked why and I said "he has a broken nose, wears a nice suit, and always ends up at the doors looking inside, watching. Mafia creepy.". So he told me the guy is safe and works for the police/firefighter depts. Apparently, he kept asking me because he knew I didn't have a car and he had a lot of time on his hands. I ended up marrying him and we've been together 30+ years. Looked like a creep, but never a creep. Soft soul.

3points

Charles Williams 2 years ago

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Poeha 2 years ago (edited)

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Peter Kelly 2 years ago

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Pixie 2 years ago

So the headline, *that explicitly states what happens in these posts*, should be altered because it makes you feel lumped in with all men? Well, welcome to the reality of many women trying to navigate the world safely. You want that to be different? Be part of the change. Call other men, boys, your friends out when they say unappropiated things, when they disrespect women. Even when "it's just a joke".

19points

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Fat Harry 2 years ago

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Pixie 2 years ago

You are sick of it? Great, we are, too! We are f*cking tired of men behaving awfully, so we now call them out on their behavior! Lets stop creepy behavior being seen as normal, call assholes out even if they are friends or family.

19points

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Amanda Miller 2 years ago

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