Oh màn, I feel for you. Sorry,

Stay strong. Your kids will hopefully appreciate it,

It’s really sad, because if he was the one that worked all the time, he’d most likely be judged for “making” his wife do all the child rearing. Judgmental people will always find reasons to be judgmental. I

While it can be financially tough, having one parent staying at home is worth it. My wife was a stay at home mum and our son would not be where he is without her spending all that time with him. She taught him the alphabet, to count, to read... the list goes on. Not forgetting all the playing together. It put him at a level ready for school. More so after he was diagnosed as autistic. Then it really did make the difference.

Tell them it's nothing to do with them. End of.

It's your decision, not theirs. Perfectly fine decision, too

Tell them you're working from home, because you technically are between watching your child and probably doing chores and cooking. Just because you're at home doesn't mean you sit around doing nothing, I know because right now I'm SAH and I love daddy-son time and I enjoy cooking dinner.

I feel this. My wife makes nearly three times as much as I do and we're working on me staying home with our aging parents to take care of them and keep up with the housework and handling all of the kid stuff. Everyone has an opinion on it--but we've gotta do what's right for US, not them.

Forget what the in-laws say. Judging you only shows their own character. Do what's best for you and your family.

Nothing wrong with being a stay at home Dad. Some families just work better that way. Power to yours xx

They keep bothering you about what you’re going to do? The same thing they seem to think only moms should do. Be a stay at home “parent”. That’s what. After all, you and your wife are the “parents”.

There are studies about the monetary value of stay at home parents and everything they do. Depending on wages where someone is, being maid, child carer, cook etc is worth $100,000 +. Remind them of that and see if they get off their attitude?

Same with me being SAHM in my country. It's not verry common here for the mother to stay at home. Usually people have 1 or 2 kids and the daycare is free since last year (it was really cheap before that), so mothers are working. But I want to raise and educate my kids myself and all family members are shocked. But the most important thing is that my husband supports this decision 100%.

Something creative? Something self-expressed? Something fun? Plus being a loving and involved dad? Btw, a study on couples found that those with one half working a steady job and the other half doing something flexible/part-time/not working were the happiest.

Remember that the prior gens ideas of how to raise kids and be a stay at home were one sided and fuked up. Don't let them guide you or you and your family will pay. Talk to your partner about the boundaries you two wish to set and insist that it stays about you two and your ideals. And tell her parents that you've decided to put your family first and if they have issue with their outdated misogynistic ideas of what "put my family first" should mean to a man, science and modern knowledge are proving just how jacked that is for both men, and women. And the nasty effect it has on children.

You're a wonderful Father and supportive Husband so nevermind what other's say. They will judge you with or without your consent so enjoy this precious privilege that you have with your little one and take it one step at a time...

GD stereotypes

You are amazing, they will know

kids matter, morons opinions do not. period

Buy them a map to the 21st century for Christmas.

Sometimes that's all it takes. Just listen to the rant and roll with it. Sometime times that's what we want.

That seems like a typical self-esteem thing. Find in yourself what's causing it and start working on fixing it. I know that from personal experience and I actually believe in the saying "You need to love yourself before you are truly able to love somebody else."

Yep, your instincts are probably right. And there's nothing you can do about it. Just confront her directly. I did this. I said "I see you seem happier around so-and-so. If you want to be with him and he'll make you happy I will step out the way. But don't waste my time keeping me around if you are done with me." It hurts like f**k and there's really nothing you can do about it. Assaulting him or whatever will not stop it, it will just make it obvious that you are the AH and that he's the poor victim. All you can do is try be the best version of you possible. Listen to her empathically. Focus on your career when you are not around. Pursue your hobbies that don't involve leaving her alone for hours (ie drop fishing and hiking if she doesn't enjoy those). If he still hovers around and she still seems keen on him, call it quits and give yourself a year or two to get over it.

that's ok I have a similar issue with my kids. Each kid will select a parent they prefer for subtle reasons.

if SHE chooses to be with you, then that is waht counts. I've found that women are not that interested in how a man looks but more what his qualities are like other than that.

That leads to the question whether they actually love me.

everyone is.

that's sad but think about it this way. You are with someone. If she doesn't value you and drops you at some stage, you already know the ropes and managed to find someone. You'll find a new someone again. Don't stress about it. Is there something specific that makes you feel like she doesn't care? It's possible also that she's a narcissist. Does she ever ask you about your mental states/happiness levels?

Nah, just those stupid jokes and movies conditioned you to think that women play mind games and don't speak what they think. Adult woman will tell you how she feels, unless theres a reason not to, out of fear.

This is very important. This destroyed my marriage. Please go get tested for ASD. Try empty your thoughts and try engage her in conversation. If this is too difficult, then at least try do it when you are around her, and spend the rest of your time at the office so you feel less pressure to do this.

Time to take a breath buddy...and maybe a nice trip to celebrate year 35!

Your wife can contribue to that as well. Why do men still think their only value is in providing abd they need to be the sole provider?

Wow, I hope you left her and you find someone much better.

Then you are one of the lucky ones. Mazeltov.

I think everyone is afraid of this to some point or they think about it. It something anyone would about when you need help or are having health issues and such.

But you are. Re-frame at least half of this because you are taking care of your daughter all day, every day. This is... wait for it... A father! You literally cannot father any harder than this.

She must really love you for who you are and not what she can do with you...

This really sucks, and sadly sounds like a product of toxic masculinity/femininity. Men should not be afraid to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings, nor should women use private information as a weapon or gossip. When will society stop reinforcing these stereotypes?

You know, you can always just ask her. She may love talking about it. Of course, you will then have to tell her why you chose her, so be prepared.

she probably doesn't want that from you. She probably wants you to be present. So at night instead of sitting on news, games or social media, just sit next to her and be there.

I understand the feeling of uselessness, but you weren't useless at all. I'm single and middle-aged, and one of my greatest fears is getting a serious illness and having to go through it alone. Just having someone to share the experience with would mean everything.

We've had this issue for the past few years. Yes, it is tough, and he is working his hardest to help pay for things. But I make a point to find activities that are free or super cheap for us to do together, because a relationship isn't all about money. I don't need to jetset to be with my mate.

We all garbage but just garbage in the places that don't seem to matter to her. One person's trash is another person's treasure.

This is the lesson so many need to learn. Active listening and empathy.

I was afraid of my father growing up and it affected our relationship even now. I think the trick is to counter the behavior with good times with them, too. Play with them as much as you can. When you're in a good mood, be that with them. And, I can't stress it enough (especially for daughters), make them feel like they are pretty to you. Like they are important to you. My father was angry all the time and I thought I was always doing something wrong. A kid doesn't understand psychological issues an adult may have. My dad rarely countered that with fun times/positivity. And I always felt ugly to him. As I hit puberty I gained a tiny bit of weight and he made fun of me or made me feel like I needed to compare myself to other girls. I developed a huge complex because of it. He always says he's proud of me, but he's talking about work. But I'm a disappointment because I''m overweight and not married. I know being pretty isn't everything, but feeling ugly from your dad, it's horrible.

Does she openly and happily and joyfully receive those attentions from other men? Or does she rebuff them? That's the most important question. If she doesn't rebuff them, tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to try think of how you feel. If she scorns that request, leave her.

She will leave you if (a) you are absent (check-out of the relationship psychologically, or do not meaningfully engage psychologically and verbally when you are around her) (b) you are abusive (c) you both do not have a job and you blame her for it (d) you do not pull your weight in other ways e.g. leave messes around the place (e) you cheat (f) you become or are a druggie or alkie. I think those are the main issues that women leave men over.

Because you are YOU!

For what it's worth, this happens to women, too. Any time a guy has ever hit on me in the past I think he's joking or that it's not real or it's a joke. It's from years of insecurity and treatment at home. It's been a struggle my whole life to think that when people are nice to me it's not just because they want something. My only advice is to try and think better of yourself. Once you work on that, accepting love and positive attention becomes easier. But it will probably be something you struggle with regularly. Try and keep in mind this person is with you because they love you and no one would be with you that long if they weren't happy.

Totally. But remember she's not your property, she's a human with her own will and decisions and her body belongs to her. If she offers it to someone else, that's her decision and she is not in fact your property or your sex slave. The legitimate concern you have is WHO she chooses and what kind of stepdad he will be to your kids. If that concerns you, then work really hard on keeping her. The most important thing is to be present. Be around her. Be interested in what she says, how she feels, and what she's doing. Don't drift off into space thinking about your next fishing trip.

Some of us will settle for nothing less than the wonderful weirdos ;)

Hang in there. Trust it will be ok