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Men Get Real About What Sucks About Being A Man (30 Answers)

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Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, high salaries and breezing by on ‘easy mode’ when you’re a man. No matter your gender, life is challenging. Your purpose isn’t handed to you on a silver platter. And happiness isn’t a guarantee if you don’t strive to move toward it. And there are a lot of things that guys would love everyone to know about what it’s actually like to be a man. Though, sometimes, we’re far too shy to say them out loud.

However, anonymity helps. Internet users have taken to Reddit to share the most annoying things about being a guy, after being prompted to open up their hearts by user u/justjuiced22. The answers, which you’ll find below, are candid and range from the silly-yet-relatable to the more serious. Have a read through the posts as you scroll down and upvote the ones that you agree with or that you were surprised by.

Do you have some thoughts on your mind that you’d like to share with the other readers? That’s what the comment section is there for, Pandas. So don’t be shy, share your own insights about the viral Reddit thread and what these men’s answers say about society, below.

I reached out to fitness expert Jack Bly for a few comments about masculinity, confidence, and men's issues. Here's what he had to say. "I’d say biggest issues that men have to deal with nowadays revolve around their inputs. Social media, TV, music, etc. Most people have inputs that constantly spout negativity and victim mentality. These inputs ultimately dictate their thoughts and as a result of their actions," he told Bored Panda. Scroll down for the full interview with Jack.

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#1

When I'm out alone with my toddler a lot of women look at me as if I'm an anomaly and a lot of guys look at me as if I'm being forced to do this. Like the "oof sorry bro" face.

It's weird that being a good dad is apparently such a rare thing that when I'm fully in charge of my son people assume there's something wrong with me and my partners relationship. I just like spending time with my son and pushing a stroller doesn't make me less of a man.

thicchaggisboi , Mohamed Awwam Report

Final score:

338points

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According to fitness expert Jack, the biggest issue for men is not having a purpose in life. That, in turn, affects all areas of a person's life. " I believe the core of being a good man is in true purpose. Men without purpose tend to be unhappy, depressed, lost," Jack shared his thoughts with Bored Panda.

"Figure out your purpose by getting clear on your values and what’s most important to you. As far as activities go, I’m always an advocate of pursuing good health as that is our foundation for our mind, energy, and mood."

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Jack added that he believes there "absolutely" is "a crisis for confidence among men." In his view, the reasons for this are obvious. "Most men have no reason to be confident. 73% are overweight, 80% are in debt, 50% are divorced. The best thing men can do to overcome this is to commit to the journey of self-development and finding their purpose," he said.

The expert advocates pursuing excellence in health, wealth, and relationships. "When you do this, you provide yourself true reasons to build confidence."

#2

Male eating disorders get zero attention.

JadedTrekkie , Samuel Ramos Report

Final score:

264points

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#3

Getting very few/no compliments from my SO. I want to be told nice things about myself too.

Aneides , Jakob Owens Report

Final score:

253points

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The thread links to the broader discussion of what guys and ‘real men’ should and shouldn’t do, what behaviors are frowned upon by society, and understanding of masculinity leads to a healthy, happy lifestyle.

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A short while ago, I spoke about men’s issues and masculinity with redditor M_RONA who gave some great in-depth insights on the topic.

"I think, as men, we need to be more open about our issues and acknowledge the fact that we face some tough [stuff], often imposed on us by other guys. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about what’s bothering us, and I think just being able to talk about some of the issues we face would be a major contributing factor to our general well-being. Something as simple as just asking our friends how they’re doing in life could go a long way!" he told Bored Panda in an honest and open interview.

#4

Dealing with other men. The number of testosterone poisoned, porcelain figurine fragile ego having bastards seems endless.

The_Unreal , John Arano Report

Final score:

253points

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#5

The assumption that because I am the father that I don't know, or am incapable of taking care of my kids. People ask my wife all the time if she needs to rush home when she leaves the kids with me. I am not a babysitter, I know what I am doing.

dyeson , Steven Van Loy Report

Final score:

246points

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#6

Not being able to talk about our emotions. Like hello, hi, I am a human being who would like to talk about their problems without the feeling of being judged.

Agent527 , Nik Shuliahin Report

Final score:

225points

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According to M_RONA, one thing that’s happening in modern times is that the term ‘toxic masculinity’ gets taken way out of context, gets used where it shouldn’t, and sometimes misrepresents reality.

"While I absolutely agree that there are many male traits taken to the extreme that have horrible consequences for the people around them, I think the term is sadly being overused to mislabel normal and perfectly healthy male behavior," he explained.

The interviewee noted that it’s often other men who pressure guys into conforming and acting a certain way. This, in turn, can make it very hard for men to be emotionally vulnerable when they need to be.

#7

This might seem petty or dumb, but right now, my fiancée and I are planning our wedding (She's female, I'm Male, we're a hetero couple).

I'm SUPER into the planning. I'm not at all a typical "macho" "cant be bothered with the frills and pomps" type of dude. I'm having fun helping putting together this day for my best friend and I!

Everytime we meet with a vendor they solely talk to her and ignore me entirely, acting on an assumption that she's a typical "Bridezilla" planning this day single handedly and I'm just some Bro she's shacking up with. When I do pitch in, the vendors almost act in an "ooooook, dont worry big guy, leave this to the adults" kind of way. It's more obvious in some than it is in others, but its damn infuriating. It's extremely frustrating and belittling. My fiancée is aware of it, and sticks up for me when necessary.

Like snap dude, you're damn straight I've got an opinion on the aesthetic of our f@#$ing orchid placement, take me seriously!

bucketbiz9429 , Jeremy Wong Weddings Report

Final score:

208points

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#8

Being physically and mentally abused usually means a lot less to people than if it were a girl who were the victim. If the girl's the abuser and you're the victim almost no one will care at all and will almost always shame you for it. And when you try to defend yourself against a female, you're looked at like the monster

Constant_Alternative Report

Final score:

203points

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#9

Not being socially acceptable to carry a purse.

Like yeah, I'd love to always have my earbuds, phone charger, deodorant, small cologne sampler, and be able to store my keys, wallet, and phone without either stabbing my legs with keys when the pants are tight or having my phone slip out when I'm getting out of cars with loose fitting pants. I can think of so many things I'd bring in my man purse...

Final score:

191points

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“A lot of guys were talking about how, as a man, they found it extremely difficult to talk and be open about their feelings. I think that stems from this notion that men are supposed to be so hardened and stoic that we never let things get to us, and if we ever experience a negative emotion, we shouldn’t process it, we should just bottle it up and 'be a man.'"

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According to M_RONA, having a stoic attitude and a hardened mind are “certainly virtuous values” that help in life. But if these values are taken to the extreme and repress any and all emotions, the end result can be very harmful.

“The basic attitude of 'men should do this, and women should do that' is hampering to both men and women, I think, something both sexes are guilty of doing, unfortunately," M_RONA shared with Bored Panda.

"I think we all face issues of conformity and set expectations for what we’re supposed to do, and I guess it’s up to all of us to promote and cheer on people who don’t fit into certain categories that we make for ourselves.”

#10

Honestly, I think the most annoying thing is the competitiveness of other males. Especially when it comes to women. I’ve been out with gfs and some dude will come up and blatantly start hitting on her. We’d make it apparent that we’re together and then the ridicule starts. “You’re with this guy?” “I bet he really sucks at ____.” “I could be better than him.” That alpha male s**t bugs the hell out of me.

DoorNo_5 , Marvin Meyer Report

Final score:

180points

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#11

I'm 20, have no facial hair, very little muscle mass (barely started working out this year), almost no stamina, kissless, virgin, got slapped at a party recently (by some drunk dude), and I collect action figures (I'm still working on not being too ashamed of this one).

I feel like a total loser sometimes. Like I'm not a real man. It hurts, but at the same time I don't want to try to put on a fake man mask or anything. I guess I'm just too young to figure these things out.

FerminFermin115 Report

Final score:

174points

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#12

Walking into a public restroom and getting your shoes stuck to the ground because of all the dried piss on the floor.

gyroggg , Oliver Hale Report

Final score:

169points

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Meanwhile, British psychotherapist Silva Neves told Bored Panda that toxic masculinity is mostly centered around a “general attitude perpetuated by systemic misogyny” than specific behaviors.

He detailed that at the core of these “distorted ideas” lie things like the notion that men should “always be winners,” shouldn’t feel any vulnerability, and shouldn’t be perceived as weak or soft.

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“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women's rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” the expert said.

“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn't afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women.”

#13

Being told that my emotions don't matter. You know what happens when people bottle up their emotions? They either kill themselves or end up on the 6:00 news.

Mr_Gibus Report

Final score:

163points

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#14

The stigma that every time I talk to a woman I don't know I automatically want to date them. Like f**k maybe I like talking to women because men don't open up about feelings and women actually listen just lookin for a friend man.

Xsendox , Christin Hume Report

Final score:

161points

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#15

Less annoying and more upsetting but: The lack of mental health outreach for men.

Kooba9 , Nathan McDine Report

Final score:

159points

kjorn 3 years ago

i saw and heard some woman in the news just says stuff like: to hell with mens, we are more important, it's our turn. this is just some shitty way to think. it wasn't ok to threat woman like that before but it's not ok to take revenge at those who wasn't even there when all that happen

29points

Nikki Sevven 3 years ago

As a woman, I have to say that women like that are not better than misogynists. They want to end the patriarchy solely to install a matriarchy, not a society of equals. If your reason for being a feminist is to be superior to men, you're not a feminist; you're a misandrist.

8points

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Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

In the US, the backlash against women asking for equal pay and equal legal rights has been increasingly horrible as the 2000s continue. No, women shouldn't punish men, but equally, men shouldn't punish women for existing, either.

2points

Sean P 3 years ago

This is a common problem with forced social issues and role reversals in society. In one way, it's understandable that people aren't happy with the social situation - but in another, they go way too far the other way and damage their whole goal anyway. So nothing improves for them, because they look like jerks and the jerks don't get dealt with because of the counter jerks also just being jerks. Nothing goes anywhere and it really messes people up. This is more true in 'first world' countries where the problems are a whole lot far removed from the developing and impoverished ones.

2points

Karina Andersen 2 years ago

again parents need to communicate with their kids from when they are little, communication & education are key factors in helping their kids

0points

Yunnan Kunming 3 years ago

Yes

0points

otplus 3 years ago

Speaking from experience this is really a big problem, since we are teached to not express our emotions this can get really problematic. I got diagnosed only when i was sick enough to put my fist through a wall out of desperation. In the it was not a psychological problem, but even then it gets really bad.

0points

Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

Crying is a human thing ok? If people are making fun of you for it go find some different friends or hang out with girls.

0points

Phil Vaive 3 years ago

I've said this a few times - It's not possible for most young men to "stop hanging out" with their parents, stepparents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, classmates, etc. And acting like it's just one or two people "making fun" of a kid for showing emotion is entirely disingenuous, and serves only to minimize the issue. It's not a simple solution to deal with a lifetime of being taught to repress our emotions.

4points

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#16

Shopping for clothes. I've noticed in every clothing store, we have this small corner in the back of the store for our clothes then the rest of the store is 95% female clothing.

imalonleyguytbh , Alexander Kovacs Report

Final score:

152points

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#17

You're expected to just deal with a lot of things that girls would get help with.

tastehbacon , Kelly Sikkema Report

Final score:

151points

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#18

Everything in your life is a competition. Every. F***ing. Thing.

smarmageddon , Randy Fath Report

Final score:

143points

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#19

Being called weak if I show any emotion.

ExoticStories , Ali Jouyandeh Report

Final score:

131points

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#20

All the societal pressure that on you to initiate, fix, pay, provide etc.

Neptune-Jr , rupixen.com Report

Final score:

125points

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#21

Being judged almost exclusively on one's financial stability, in an economy that makes financial stability very difficult to achieve.

green_meklar , Emil Kalibradov Report

Final score:

123points

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#22

The male stereotypes. Sometimes a guy needs to cry and just let stuff out. Or being strong and doing physical work isn't his thing.

BlacktheMew , David Billings Report

Final score:

122points

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#23

Always being expected to make the first move towards the woman.

dailydonuts16 , Benjamin Ashton Report

Final score:

118points

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#24

Living in fear of being labeled as a "creep" or "pervert" for trying to talk to a girl

Al-cicada Report

Final score:

116points

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#25

Used to be getting random b*ners at inappropriate times. Now, it's not being able to get a b*ner at appropriate times.

NastyLittleBagginses Report

Final score:

110points

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#26

Having to feel I have to stay quiet about the way I feel about my body

Michael_Scarn427 , Siora Photography Report

Final score:

108points

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#27

Being the person to go check out the noise that just happened in a creepy place, to promptly be brutally murdered by some evil demon spirit

GiveMeYerBelt , Pawel Czerwinski Report

Final score:

107points

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#28

Probably the fact that we're expected to have the courage to approach women at bars or wherever else, which wouldn't be so intimidating if the perception of said flirting didn't depend entirely on how attractive they happen to find us. We're told "the worst thing she can do is say no" but it feels pretty s**tty when she and her friends straight up laugh as you walk away, or even worse, to your face. As someone fairly middle of the road in terms of looks, it's like "Oh boy, am I gonna have a fun conversation or are she and her friends gonna laugh at me, let's roll those dice!!!" Most of the women I talk to who decide they're not interested are polite about it and I appreciate those people, but some are just mean, and most of us guys aren't quite as emotionless as we're supposed to be. That stuff is a big feels bad.

GiacchinoFrost , Alex Voulgaris Report

Final score:

107points

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#29

Baldness. Some can make it work for them, but most can't.

sd_glokta , Shivam Dewan Report

Final score:

101points

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#30

Trying to shave those damn hairs on your Adam’s apple without slicing your throat open

L4chie , Supply Report

Final score:

98points

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#31

People saying that men alone with their kids are "babysitting"

Jay_Diddly , EIELEI Report

Final score:

31points

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#32

Never being approached by women. I'm sure it also has to do alot with looks but I can't really change that and multiple back to back rejections make you less interested in trying to initiate, you just feel like a bother at a certain point.

Jwallthemonster Report

Final score:

25points

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#33

Society's view of what's masculine when you're a straight small male that doesn't try to be super masculine.

[deleted] , Roman Holoschchuk Report

Final score:

25points

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#34

People instantly assuming you’re a pedophile when you try to talk to younger girls. Like can’t I just be nice. Girls aren’t judged when they talk to younger guys.

flabagoose19 Report

Final score:

24points

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#35

I'm in Iran and in Iran, men must perform a 2 years Forced military service after age 18 in a really bad situation and if you don't you can't travel to another country! as a male it's really annoying for me because I don't want to waste 2 years of my life.

SMMousavi Report

Final score:

24points

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#36

I hate shaving my face so often.

baldmannbob Report

Final score:

21points

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#37

Assuming everything doesn't mean anything to me. Like I love my friends and girlfriend, I like my stuff, people don't seem to get that

Confusion777 Report

Final score:

21points

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#38

People assuming youre gay for liking certain things like;

"girly" drinks

listening to Lady Gaga/One direction/madonna (for example)

not liking sports

hanging out with girls

being dramatic Like, its just weird. This doesnt stop me from doing this, but the fact that guys are made to feel ashamed for these things is horrible. (Nothing wrong with being gay, its just not that fun when youre actually NOT gay.)

nonstop-anxiety Report

Final score:

20points

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#39

Other guys being completely disgusting in public restrooms, there's f***ing puddles in front of the urinal, hair on the bottom of the urinal, toilet paper strewn across the place, and they don't flush sometimes even when #2. Gross.

[deleted] Report

Final score:

20points

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#40

Nobody really cares about your well-being except your mom.

[deleted] Report

Final score:

20points

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#41

Men’s swimming suits. . The mesh on the inside rubs and chafes your upper thighs. The only solution is to either wear speedos (gross) or underwear under my shorts while swimming.

bedfordguyinbedford , Zachary Shea Report

Final score:

18points

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#42

Being told that you are privileged by people with more money and privilege than you.

rtfcandlearntherules Report

Final score:

18points

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#43

Everyone expects me to lift and carry the heavy s**t.

Turnipstew Report

Final score:

18points

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#44

Most girls expecting you to pay for everything all the time.

z50rking Report

Final score:

18points

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#45

The way pee sprays in unpredictable directions sometimes

foxtailavenger Report

Final score:

16points

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#46

Tough guys always looking for a fight.

mutt_butt Report

Final score:

16points

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#47

I'm less likely to be offered help.

mickecd1989 Report

Final score:

16points

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#48

I do not really like much of anything about it. Male parts kind of get in the way a lot, and I am always worried that they stand out, because if they do then others will find me creepy. Also I sweat a lot! And it is smelly and I do not like that. Perhaps it is strange, but I kind of really wish that I could smell nice! And... I do kind of want to try to wear a dress, but I feel like that would attract negative attention. I feel like everything I want to do is the exact opposite of what would be masculine and I hate it

Maggykitty Report

Final score:

15points

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#49

We are expected to be sex experts. I had sex only once, don't expect too much from me.

sado_please Report

Final score:

15points

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#50

It feels wrong to cry. I just finished season 3 of stranger things and cried. It was a good but sad moment.

TitaniumTryton Report

Final score:

14points

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#51

Feeling pressured to earn a high salary.

mrkeyrose Report

Final score:

14points

#52

Not being able to hide flaws as well as women can.

Final score:

14points

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#53

Expectations of the society, Which will inevitably and conveniently vary based on the circumstances, and more often than not, once fulfilled, you'd still be largely uncredited for, since that's what Men/guys are "supposed" to do.

TonyStark39 Report

Final score:

13points

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#54

Having to make the first move.

maskedstranger17 Report

Final score:

13points

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#55

The automatic assumption that we should be the ones responsible for handling the vast majority of physically demanding, or otherwise difficult or unpleasant tasks in virtually any scenario involving both men and women.

StewTrue Report

Final score:

12points

#56

Peeing, then shaking it, even dabbing the tip with a square of tissue...but still dribbling a little piss in my drawers. Also, ass hair.

Thomcat_13 Report

Final score:

11points

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#57

When you are single you are supposed to be the aggressive but not too aggressive....and that amount varies according to the girl. Some women prefer to be the initiator but that's rare.

Final score:

11points

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#58

Singleness. Wanting something that's out of my reach(companionship). Life would be so much easier if I simply did not want a girlfriend. It's not like women are to blame. I don't resent anyone other than myself for it. But I hate that I want something that is out of my ability to control. It's inconvenient and causes a lot of suffering.

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Final score:

10points

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#59

Hearing girls complain all the time how hard it is being a girl. Because obviously boys have everything perfect, and because every problem that only women can fix.

MintPrince8219 Report

Final score:

9points

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#60

I have far more body hair than I ever wanted.

Final score:

8points

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#61

Nothing is really annoying, but whoever designed boxers I straight up want to fight them for making such an uncomfortable product

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Final score:

7points

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Jonas Grinevičius

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Mantas Kačerauskas

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

What do you think ?

Ozacoter 3 years ago

And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.

47points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...

20points

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GaeFrog 3 years ago

Yes good point. One example is that if men don't want to be judged when taking their kid out alone without the mom, people need to stop assuming the mom takes care of everything while the man just sits around and isn't involved in his kid's lives

2points

J. F. 3 years ago (edited)

Would help if feminism wouldn't be displayed by misandry in the overall media, the marketing for it drives people away instead of getting them on board

2points

Vincent Philippart 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Scarlett 3 years ago

Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.

29points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.

8points

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Droopsnoot 3 years ago

There were barely any strong women in there, though... So maybe Tolkien

1point

zrwhol cue 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Deena Salzman 3 years ago

This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.

26points

Lisa Brown 10 months ago

Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.

0points

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Terilee Bruyere 3 years ago

We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.

9points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?

1point

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J. F. 3 years ago (edited)

One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way

6points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)

2points

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NoneYa41 3 years ago (edited)

Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.

4points

Aliquid 3 years ago

But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.

4points

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Ozacoter 3 years ago (edited)

Definitely. Racism is very troubling and it is true that in some scenarios white people have an advantage. But that doesnt mean that we are privileged overall or that we are all racist bigots. It saddens me how acepted its nowadays to attack people for the skin colour as soon as they are white. Or to deny our problems. Some months ago one of my partner closest friends (a black woman) told me that "she wished she was like me". That woman faces racism (and i hate that) but she is also native (so no xenophobia), has family and friends, has a very well paid job, a healthy body and savings enough that she just bough a house by herself. I am a white woman (thats all she sees); But I am a migrant (and xenophobia here in belgium is rampant), i have no friends or family because of that and I am severely ill and disabled. I live in pain, i cant work, i cant study the local language (they are super ableist in the school), i will never make friends here, i depend economically of my partner and if he breaks up i will be deported and homeless. I will always be ill and likely my life will be short. But again, tell me how privileged I am and how you want to be like me... (she is aware of all of this but she couldn't care less).

0points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

Maybe if there weren't such overwhelming numbers of people who are privileged--and don't even recognize it--there wouldn't be an expectation.

-1point

Robert Thompson 3 years ago

The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.

3points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

We should really strive for a gender neutral society

2points

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jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)

Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.

3points

Iapetos 3 years ago

Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.

2points

jk nbt 3 years ago

sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.

1point

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Pezor Zass 3 years ago

Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)

2points

albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago

I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.

2points

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Viviane 3 years ago (edited)

You can think whatever you want if a woman compliments a man on his looks. I have noticed that when women are in love with a man, they tend to think he's handsome. A teenage boy once said to me, "I don't care if I'm handsome or not, as long as my partner finds me attractive."

1point

Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago

Not every woman has the same taste in men... you can't generalise like that. I am not conventionally handsome but when a woman who likes me tells me I am, I have no reason to disbelieve her. It's the same with women: every woman is attractive (pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/etc.) to the man or woman who likes her. So maybe you need to start thinking of yourself in a different way, stop lumping all women into the same category, and believe a woman who says you are handsome!

0points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

The issues the men are talking about here are all results of centuries of patriarchy that kept women subordinate to men. Now men are at the point of suffering from this oppressive system. In order to change the status quo, men are going to have to go through the same mockery, judgment, opposition and obstacles that women have had to go through in order to free themselves. Most of the problems are wanting to feel/behave/be seen a certain way (rather than impingements on actual freedom). The answer every time is to be who you want to be, speak out about the things you care about, and accept that sometimes people are not going to accept your choices. But if they are important, you do them anyway and you speak out, regardless of how other people react.

1point

similarly 3 years ago

On public forums like this, or on social media, I see many women who are very supportive of men showing emotions. But in my real life, face to face, with people I know, I've NEVER met a woman who actually wanted to know that I wasn't 100% feeling happy and okay. and any time I've ever shared my feelings, I've never known any woman who felt anything but contempt and a loss of respect for me because I confessed to a moment of weakness, and that includes very close friends and relatives. Women don't want sensitive men who are in touch with their feelings. It's just something they say. They don't want men who feel down, or feel weak, or cry. So it's really no wonder a lot of men get shamed into limiting their emotions.

1point

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Then you really did not met thw right kind of women. All my female friends and I want men to be open about their feelings.

3points

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George Milonas 3 years ago

My biggest issue is ingratitude. A lot of women just assume that men pay for everything etc or take care of ‘man stuff’. Its very rare that I've seen women say thank you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can’t remember the last time my wife said even a thanks or an acknowledgment of my effort. My friends have the same issue. I’m a doctor and my female partners and nurses take each other for granted as well. And yes I pay all the bills. And yes I’m the primary caregiver to our kids in addition to working to primarily support the family. I was taught to say please and thank you from a young age. I feel that a lot of women just take our efforts for granted.

0points

Shane S 3 years ago

Get and keep gay friends.

0points

Paul Mitchell 3 years ago

Unfair divorces where men are left destitute and the woman gets everything.

-1point

Tami 3 years ago (edited)

This has got to change. If I were a guy, I'd be kind of scared to get married and have kids. I was shocked by the inequities my hubby had to endure when dealing with the financial and childcare shenanigans his ex pulled.

-1point

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jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Viviane 3 years ago (edited)

Holy mackerel - where do you live?? The women have to wait until marriage to have sex, the men can't say they feel unhappy without a non-disclosure agreement, and a man has to ask permission from his wife to see male friends because she thinks she married a closeted gay man and she can make him straight. Dude, make contacts outside that culture. Outside support will come in handy if you decide to leave and get shunned by your community.

6points

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Samantha Lomb 3 years ago

Maybe its time to leave that "certain conservative subculture" as it sounds super toxic

6points

Mazer 3 years ago

I hate this so much. I know in so many places it’s true and I find it heartbreaking

1point

More Thinking Needed 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

kjorn 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Potato 3 years ago

"I saw a thing happen one time, so that means it's happening everywhere all the time!"

1point

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Kickin'Wing 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

HermitCrab 3 years ago

That sucks and would probably be a relationship breaker? Imagine having no opinion on having a vasectomy though...

0points

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zrwhol cue 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Phil Vaive 3 years ago

Maybe consider yourself lucky then? Just because you haven't experienced this doesn't make other people liars

5points

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jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Kirsty 3 years ago

I dunno man, if women are never satisfied with you, what's the common denominator in those situations?

6points

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Ozacoter 3 years ago

And this is why feminism is so important for everyone. Most men that I met complain about this issues but they are not aware that they come from sexism and that the solution is feminism, not misoginy. Men, we believe you and want to help you but you need to step up! I know that there are many feminist men but sadly they are still in the minority.

47points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Its also important to notice that most of this issues are about peopel judging you, not legal or physical limitations. Everyone needs to learn to be themselves and not give in the stupid and harmful gender roles. Is society that has the problem and needs to change, not you. There is not a proper way to be a man. You are a man if you cry. You are a man with long hair. You are a man if you like flowers. You are a man if your girlfriend earns more than you...

20points

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GaeFrog 3 years ago

Yes good point. One example is that if men don't want to be judged when taking their kid out alone without the mom, people need to stop assuming the mom takes care of everything while the man just sits around and isn't involved in his kid's lives

2points

J. F. 3 years ago (edited)

Would help if feminism wouldn't be displayed by misandry in the overall media, the marketing for it drives people away instead of getting them on board

2points

Vincent Philippart 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Scarlett 3 years ago

Can we normalize being like Tolkien’s men? They were brave, kind, and loyal. They cried and showed emotion. They were never disrespectful to women or each other.

29points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Right? The books are quite sexist when it comes to women (but its a product of the time so its understandable). But it showed an amazing example of positive masculinity for men and boys.

8points

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Droopsnoot 3 years ago

There were barely any strong women in there, though... So maybe Tolkien

1point

zrwhol cue 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Deena Salzman 3 years ago

This is another reason why we all need to work together to dismantle gender norms. They hurt everyone.

26points

Lisa Brown 10 months ago

Gender norms are exactly that, normal. Nothing wrong with normal, last I new it was normal.

0points

Load More Replies...

Terilee Bruyere 3 years ago

We need more of these posts. I'd like to add one myself, though I'm not a man, that a friend once complained about. If you are a man and have a female as a best friend you are either thought to be dating, cheating (if you're in a relationship) or gay. It's absolute BS.

9points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

I agree. I always had very close male friends and its insane how many people doesnt believe in men and women being friends. Most of my partners friends are women and i love them, why would i have a problem with that?

1point

Load More Replies...

J. F. 3 years ago (edited)

One great step would be to stop categorizing between men and women and just putting people being HUMAN before anything else. Creates way less problems, tension and stress in social interactions. Could be the misanthrope in me speaking, but i avoided a lot of problems in life doing it that way

6points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Yes and no. It is important tot alk about our isses separately because they are different. But for the rest of the time I agree, our society should be more gebder neutral. Like why the f**k is my sex on my ID? It's nobodies bussiness (except my partner and doctors)

2points

Load More Replies...

NoneYa41 3 years ago (edited)

Addition: People in online forums assuming you're a privileged, racist, misogynist simply because you're a white male. Nah...you don't even know me. And if you did you'd know that I'm gay, have worked my entire life to be where I am, and am married to an immigrant. Take your toxic assumptions elsewhere.

4points

Aliquid 3 years ago

But you are privileged if you are a white male (in white dominant countries at least). That's a simple fact. You just need to stop thinking that "privileged" is a dirty word, or that it means that you have an "easy life". Your life could be full of challenges, it just happens that the color of your skin isn't one of those challenges.

4points

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Ozacoter 3 years ago (edited)

Definitely. Racism is very troubling and it is true that in some scenarios white people have an advantage. But that doesnt mean that we are privileged overall or that we are all racist bigots. It saddens me how acepted its nowadays to attack people for the skin colour as soon as they are white. Or to deny our problems. Some months ago one of my partner closest friends (a black woman) told me that "she wished she was like me". That woman faces racism (and i hate that) but she is also native (so no xenophobia), has family and friends, has a very well paid job, a healthy body and savings enough that she just bough a house by herself. I am a white woman (thats all she sees); But I am a migrant (and xenophobia here in belgium is rampant), i have no friends or family because of that and I am severely ill and disabled. I live in pain, i cant work, i cant study the local language (they are super ableist in the school), i will never make friends here, i depend economically of my partner and if he breaks up i will be deported and homeless. I will always be ill and likely my life will be short. But again, tell me how privileged I am and how you want to be like me... (she is aware of all of this but she couldn't care less).

0points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

Maybe if there weren't such overwhelming numbers of people who are privileged--and don't even recognize it--there wouldn't be an expectation.

-1point

Robert Thompson 3 years ago

The world has not become "Gender Neutral" as long as people with different genders get treated differently or have different expectations placed on them because of their gender.

3points

Ozacoter 3 years ago

We should really strive for a gender neutral society

2points

Load More Replies...

jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)

Sorry guys, but if you are hurting inside, go ahead & spend the bucks to go see a psychologist or counselor. If you can't do this, go for a talk with your pastor or priest, it's part of their job. If you try to talk to just about anyone else, they will look down on you for it. And most of them will eventually gossip on you. A licensed psychologist is prohibited from doing this by law. If he breaks that rule, he can lose his license. If you have severe depression, go see a psychiatrist (but discretely). He can prescribe meds that will help. Don't just suffer quietly being a strong, silent, "Marlboro Man" type. It's not worth it. And there are really good new medicines out there that really will help. It's a manly thing to deal with this in a positive manner. It is not unmanly.

3points

Iapetos 3 years ago

Let's speak the truth: No matter how awesome a person may be, you just need to slap the "ugh, this person is gaaaay" argument onto them to invalidate them. Honestly, the world would be so much better if everyone just let everyone be without that gender stereotype bullshit.

2points

jk nbt 3 years ago

sad to say, there are a lot of judgmental hypocrites out there that love to go around making this accusation & gossip. I know someone at work who was labeled as GAY because he drank hot green tea for the afternoon break instead of a soft drink. This guy was a health food enthusiast. He explained that green tea has all sorts of benefits over carbonated flavored syrup water, but the critics were not convinced. This labeling act is a control thing rather than concern over who they bed down with. They label people to gain control over them. It is also a form of compensating.

1point

Load More Replies...

Pezor Zass 3 years ago

Honestly curious: what percentage of guys believe women when they say they are handsome? I never have and don't think i ever will. Curious if this is just my glitch or of it's a societal idea. And don't say "Jason Momoa is looooovely, so obviously guys can be lovely." Yes, he is totally lovely and i'd love to kiss his belly, but i'm talking about general guys, not demigods :)

2points

albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago

I don't. I look in the mirror and know I am 'passable' but when a woman compliments me, I always feel that it comes from wishing to avoid hurting my feelings, rather than being true. I know that -in general- women are talking more about the person as a whole than just physical, but it still comes across as disingenuous.

2points

Load More Replies...

Viviane 3 years ago (edited)

You can think whatever you want if a woman compliments a man on his looks. I have noticed that when women are in love with a man, they tend to think he's handsome. A teenage boy once said to me, "I don't care if I'm handsome or not, as long as my partner finds me attractive."

1point

Oskar vanZandt 3 years ago

Not every woman has the same taste in men... you can't generalise like that. I am not conventionally handsome but when a woman who likes me tells me I am, I have no reason to disbelieve her. It's the same with women: every woman is attractive (pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/etc.) to the man or woman who likes her. So maybe you need to start thinking of yourself in a different way, stop lumping all women into the same category, and believe a woman who says you are handsome!

0points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

The issues the men are talking about here are all results of centuries of patriarchy that kept women subordinate to men. Now men are at the point of suffering from this oppressive system. In order to change the status quo, men are going to have to go through the same mockery, judgment, opposition and obstacles that women have had to go through in order to free themselves. Most of the problems are wanting to feel/behave/be seen a certain way (rather than impingements on actual freedom). The answer every time is to be who you want to be, speak out about the things you care about, and accept that sometimes people are not going to accept your choices. But if they are important, you do them anyway and you speak out, regardless of how other people react.

1point

similarly 3 years ago

On public forums like this, or on social media, I see many women who are very supportive of men showing emotions. But in my real life, face to face, with people I know, I've NEVER met a woman who actually wanted to know that I wasn't 100% feeling happy and okay. and any time I've ever shared my feelings, I've never known any woman who felt anything but contempt and a loss of respect for me because I confessed to a moment of weakness, and that includes very close friends and relatives. Women don't want sensitive men who are in touch with their feelings. It's just something they say. They don't want men who feel down, or feel weak, or cry. So it's really no wonder a lot of men get shamed into limiting their emotions.

1point

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Then you really did not met thw right kind of women. All my female friends and I want men to be open about their feelings.

3points

Load More Replies...

George Milonas 3 years ago

My biggest issue is ingratitude. A lot of women just assume that men pay for everything etc or take care of ‘man stuff’. Its very rare that I've seen women say thank you. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can’t remember the last time my wife said even a thanks or an acknowledgment of my effort. My friends have the same issue. I’m a doctor and my female partners and nurses take each other for granted as well. And yes I pay all the bills. And yes I’m the primary caregiver to our kids in addition to working to primarily support the family. I was taught to say please and thank you from a young age. I feel that a lot of women just take our efforts for granted.

0points

Shane S 3 years ago

Get and keep gay friends.

0points

Paul Mitchell 3 years ago

Unfair divorces where men are left destitute and the woman gets everything.

-1point

Tami 3 years ago (edited)

This has got to change. If I were a guy, I'd be kind of scared to get married and have kids. I was shocked by the inequities my hubby had to endure when dealing with the financial and childcare shenanigans his ex pulled.

-1point

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jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Viviane 3 years ago (edited)

Holy mackerel - where do you live?? The women have to wait until marriage to have sex, the men can't say they feel unhappy without a non-disclosure agreement, and a man has to ask permission from his wife to see male friends because she thinks she married a closeted gay man and she can make him straight. Dude, make contacts outside that culture. Outside support will come in handy if you decide to leave and get shunned by your community.

6points

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Samantha Lomb 3 years ago

Maybe its time to leave that "certain conservative subculture" as it sounds super toxic

6points

Mazer 3 years ago

I hate this so much. I know in so many places it’s true and I find it heartbreaking

1point

More Thinking Needed 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

kjorn 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Potato 3 years ago

"I saw a thing happen one time, so that means it's happening everywhere all the time!"

1point

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Kickin'Wing 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

HermitCrab 3 years ago

That sucks and would probably be a relationship breaker? Imagine having no opinion on having a vasectomy though...

0points

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zrwhol cue 3 years ago

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Phil Vaive 3 years ago

Maybe consider yourself lucky then? Just because you haven't experienced this doesn't make other people liars

5points

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jk nbt 3 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Kirsty 3 years ago

I dunno man, if women are never satisfied with you, what's the common denominator in those situations?

6points

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