30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For

While marriage is a beautiful union built on love and commitment, it doesn’t always guarantee a lifetime of happiness. Life is complicated, and sometimes, things don’t go as planned. Many people find themselves reflecting on their decision to say "I do," wondering if it was the right choice after all.

Recently, men turned to Reddit to open up about the heartbreaking regrets that made them rethink their marriages. Scroll down to read their stories, and feel free to share if any of these experiences resonated with you.

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Not putting in the effort that is expected.

My wife put in all the effort and I didn't try hard enough.

daftvaderV2 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

70points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

Props for acknowledging it...it ain't a one-way street.

36points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Getting married when I was too young, 21, not old enough to know a lot of things that I should have known.

JerryTexas52 , Emma Bauso Report

Final score:

49points

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zak 1 month ago

Your brain isn't even done developing yet. I never understood why people get married so young. What's the rush?

12points

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Being emotionally and psychologically abused by a narcissist....should have run many, many years ago.

Old_Mirror_9506 Report

Final score:

49points

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Bewarethere@gmail.com 1 month ago

Same here trust me it'll be really hard initially (it's what's you've known for years) but trust me u will feel sooooo much better in the end

14points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Shockingly, not much. My marriage only lasted 5 or 6 years. I made a poor choice in women, or rather I ignored the red flags that were waving in my face like a Communist parade.

Thing is though, I wouldn't change any of the marriage part of it. My X-Wife turned out to be more awful that I thought though. When my gay kid came out (over a decade after we split), she actually told her "Why don't you try being normal" which still pisses me off to this day. But again, I don't regret the time I spent with her. It helped forge me into who I am. While it all went down in flames, I learned a lot in those few brief years and I ended up with a kid who I love with all my heart. She's the best part of my life. She also doesn't even see her mother anymore. Once that whole "be normal" thing went down, that was it.

I regret very little of my life. I've had a great one. Even now at middle age, I'm not going to sit here and look back wondering "what if?". Of course I could have made some better choices. A lot of them in fact. But as long as you learn from your mistakes, these aren't wasted experiences. I'm not the smartest guy in the room, but I never make the same mistake twice. And I feel like regret, wondering what might have been, fawning over the past, it's all a waste of the present. At least that's how I try to live.

ZZoMBiEXIII , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

47points

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SirWriteALot 1 month ago

That's a healthy way to see things. You are forged by what you went through and if you changed something in the past, you probably wouldn't have the great things you are now grateful for.

15points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Thinking that the things that bothered me about her would fade. Or she would change. Boy was I wrong. Every single surface is covered in c**p, I am about to divorce someone for being too messy.

MattClausePetit , Polina Zimmerman Report

Final score:

42points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

The red flags just become redder.

13points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For I was manipulated into marrying a woman that turned out to be profoundly violently mentally ill. I knew she had issues but had no idea how severe. I should have trusted my gut instinct. The final time 20 years ago she was committed to a psych ward I grabbed custody and a restraining order.

Always trust your instincts.

airbornedoc1 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

40points

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Robin DJW 1 month ago

This.

3points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For My wife and I both agree: we got married because our families, and society in general, expected it. We have no regrets--our marriage is pretty good--but the relationship isn't *better* in any way for us being married.

Married or not, we're definitely happier together than apart, though.

ProbablyLongComment , Dương Nhân Report

Final score:

38points

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Ace 1 month ago

This doesn't sound like they have any regrets at all.

26points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Biggest regret is not pushing to meet her family sooner. We dated for 6 years long distance before I saw her mom and dad and sister interact at a dinner table.

It revealed so much about my wife’s behaviors, mannerisms, stigmas that I previously could not wrap my head around. Her parents were unbelievably toxic to one another’s and her sister was unhinged.

We’re still married and happy with a child on the way but it would have been nice to know about her family history of mental illness and her parent’s loveless marriage and all the neglect my wife suffered prior.

I remember talking to my dad about her and the best way I could describe her was that occasionally for weeks/months on end she turned into a house cat.

She would do nothing just eat and sleep, mindlessly watched tv and social media for 12-16 hours a day, refuses to do even simple tasks. And then like a switch she would be normal again and contribute as if nothing happened.

Turns out her mom is diagnosed with ADHD and depression, her sister is diagnosed with bi-polar and BPD and her dad is a literal hoarder and while not medically diagnosed has done some pretty messed up things that has me thinking he has no ability to feel empathy….

Pudii_Pudii , August de Richelieu Report

Final score:

34points

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Texmaam 1 month ago

Horrible to find out later. Happened to me.

10points

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Not cohabiting first.

rolypolydoughy , Pixabay Report

Final score:

33points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

I used to be like, nah, but you know what, I've changed my mind on this lol even if you don't live together you got to be aware of each others living habits and how you do things if that makes sense. I'm a neat orderly person...so that isn't gonna mesh with a super messy person lol

8points

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#10

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For I don’t mean this in an “Aw sweet” kind of way, but I wish I’d just done it sooner. I wanted to have a good job before we got married. But getting married wouldn’t have changed that, except maybe making it a little easier for us tax wise. We’d been together for 6 years and knew about 8 months in we were done looking. But. I had stupid young man pride.

My other regret, and she agrees, is the wedding. In hindsight it was a stupidly expensive party we didn’t get to enjoy.

kbean826 , Jonathan Borba Report

Final score:

32points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

Weddings are extremely expensive. Keep it small, private and then use the cash to do something as a couple. At least that's my opinion.

21points

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#11

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Not talking about boundaries before and ensuring I have enough space and time to myself.

SaysPooh , Ron Lach Report

Final score:

32points

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Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 month ago

That seems to be a problem that happens a lot. I tend to need more space that what people are willing to give me. It's like if they aren't practically up my nose 24/7 they aren't happy. If I don't automatically like something they're interested in (like movies, or certain genres of books for instance) they stop doing it (even though I assure them they don't need my permission and should have their own hobbies as well as stuff we can do together!) and then they get resentful that I "made them give up" something they liked to do....

3points

#12

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Not divorcing sooner. I held out for years longer than was good for either of us and the children. It got ugly. In hindsight, I should have walked away with her saying that I gave up too soon rather than having put up with those last five years of truly vast quantities of money spent on marriage counseling that just made things worse, intense fights, bruises, concussion, and winter nights sleeping in the car.

RickKassidy , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

29points

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Pandaroo 1 month ago

bruises?

5points

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#13

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Getting married so quickly. We got married when I was 23 and he was just shy of 25. We’d only been together 10 months.

We had always planned to get married, just not THEN.

But then his very proper grandparents said that we should get married or they’d be disappointed, essentially stop seeing us, and we’d see no help from them. To this day I’m not sure what kind of help they thought we wanted.

So we got married.

BUT…..been married for 21 years (together for 22) and very happy together so I guess it worked out in the end.

Specialist_Risk2178 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:

25points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

It's great that it worked out.

6points

#14

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For My gullibility in believing my wife and her family are capable of keeping their promises and saying what they mean.

bubonis , Ric Rodrigues Report

Final score:

23points

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Shetland Tony 1 month ago

Vague

1point

#15

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Divorced here -

not trusting my instincts sooner.

I vividly remember telling her that she had the ability to "steam roll" my emotions and feelings. that was *before* we got married in 2001

cut to 4 years post divorce now in 2023, and her steamroller is larger and more abusive and meaner.

Optimal-Judgment-982 , Ron Lach Report

Final score:

23points

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Agat 1 month ago

I have no idea what this means...

3points

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#16

Thinking I could cure his depression and PTSD and not realizing that he never was in love with me plus total sexual incompatibility.

VetsWife328 Report

Final score:

23points

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Diolla 1 month ago

" I'll fix him! ". A mistake as old as time itself. Been there done that.

15points

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#17

The money spent on it. Worst part is, I kept telling my wife we could spend it on a nicer honeymoon, or a house, or literally anything, but to no avail. She now agrees, and in general is better with money than I am, but for whatever reason, that wedding venue, food and everything created a blind spot for her frugality.

thecountnotthesaint Report

Final score:

23points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

Weddings are very very expensive. I realized this when my best friend got married years ago so I can imagine with inflation what it costs now.

4points

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#18

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For We’re married during Covid, so we didn’t get a wedding. Feels silly to do one now, but I hate that I missed out.

DreadfulRauw , Dimitri Kuliuk Report

Final score:

21points

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similarly 1 month ago

I knew a couple who, for their 30th anniversary, had a really lavish wedding to renew their vows.

9points

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#19

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For 1st Marriage, no regrets about getting married with what I knew at the time, but I do regret how I handled her infidelity. I was far too conciliatory, and I think if I had been more firm with her in setting boundaries afterward, maybe we'd have actually made it (I doubt it, but in retrospect I think that was our only chance).

2nd marriage was just a mistake. We just weren't compatible. She's a good person, but we weren't good together. I knew this subconsciously before we got married, but I convinced myself that my misgiving were just "jitters." After I realized it (~6 months), should have ended it sooner (kept trying for 7 years-I/we had no chance).

I'm engaged now to a woman who makes me feel VERY differently about the relationship than I ever have, and this feels like "it's supposed to," if that makes any sense, but I still learned a lot from my past, and I'm using what I learned to make sure I don't repeat mistakes (I definitely accept my portion of the blame for things that went wrong-I've had a lot of time to think about them).

surgeon67 , Pixabay Report

Final score:

20points

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Bewarethere@gmail.com 1 month ago

Hmm u might want to wait.....a while

8points

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#20

That this woman thought she owned my bank acct and should run my life and that I actually cooperated with her!

figsslave Report

Final score:

20points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

I've never been married but with finances I assume you'll have personal accounts each and then like a joint account for bills etc.

3points

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#21

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Letting my MIL push us around for a couple of years.

Garage-gym4ever , Emma Bauso Report

Final score:

20points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

You should never let your Magical Idealistic Lemur push you around.

20points

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#22

Lack of sex, terrible finances, inconsistent child raising, and jealousy and lack of trust from her.

KyorlSadei Report

Final score:

19points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

If you ain't got two way trust you ain't got anything.

5points

#23

Not doing it sooner. We lived about 500 miles apart. I even resisted the long distance relationship for years. Everything can work. Everything can be worked around.

Elegant_Spot_3486 Report

Final score:

19points

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SuperChicken 1 month ago

True, things can work out. But sometimes, when the other person, even if still in the same relationship completely checks-out (emotionally and physicall) - It's doomed. It happened to me.

3points

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#24

Marrying the wrong person.

WoodsFinder Report

Final score:

18points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

I fear this every single day.

4points

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#25

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For For me, it is the constant compromising I do mentally. It probably the same in any kind of relationship but I lose the sense of independence and freedom for mental compromise as a partner. Not a big regret for me but the biggest one i can think of. It's good to remind oneself to take a me day every once and a while.

skullman_ps2 , Mike Greer Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Mia Black 1 month ago

I really think it's the norm in many relationships to feel like constant compromising and sometimes (I say sometimes!), if one doesn't feel this way, it's because the partner does more "compromises" (Which aren't if only one has to stay back). I think this work is somehow necessary but it should be easier and more equal than I see it in relationships. It's a little saddening that relationships are sometimes exhausting but maybe they feel more exhausting because we have to less free time and energy. If we had more, it maybe wouldn't feel like this... Just thinking

5points

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#26

Combining finances.

anon Report

Final score:

18points

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Carrie B 1 month ago

I've been with my husband for 15 years married for 10. We've always had separate money/split the bills and have only had ONE disagreement, not even a fight, about money. We don't have kids so that might have made us combine accounts. If you can keep it separate, do it.

6points

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#27

The person I married and the person I became.

misstuckermax Report

Final score:

17points

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#28

Getting married, getting married without a pre nup.

Charles_Michael_Hawk Report

Final score:

15points

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iseefractals 1 month ago

When my wife and i got married, part of the paperwork included how we'd be treating our assets/money in the event of divorce: everything stays separate/join everything and split it down the middle or joint property is divided but everything we've brought that existed prior to the marriage remains our own. It wasn't a prenup, it was just like 3 check boxes on the paperwork while filing the marriage license.

1point

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#29

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Getting married. I love my wife and kids, and getting married probably saved my life. I feel like I'm not cut out for marriage, though, and I have so many days where I wish I just chose never to get married and have kids.

paco1764 , Josh Willink Report

Final score:

15points

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similarly 1 month ago

For a person in this situation, I think it might be helpful to get therapy. They may think they're wishing they never got married and never had kids, and I don't know, maybe that's really what they wish for ... but it's also possible they have some unresolved issues and this wish is kind of a deflection off that.

10points

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#30

Spending on a videographer. Not researching a good photographer.

Positive_Judgment581 Report

Final score:

14points

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iseefractals 1 month ago

When my buddy married his first wife about 15 years ago, they were shopping around for Videographers and photographers....and quickly decided it would be more financially responsible to spend the money on buying a pro-grade video camera, and just have the guests take turns on recording responsibilities. He still has the camera, that wife...not so much.

0points

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#31

That we had to move in with parents initially because the house we were buying together fell through. It didn’t give us the best start to our marriage, but things are much better now.

anon Report

Final score:

10points

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#32

Settling for someone and not waiting for the right one.

deplone1 Report

Final score:

9points

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#33

As a divorced man, I regret all of it.

P00PJU1C3 Report

Final score:

8points

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#34

My first marriage, the only things i dont regret are my kids and filing for divorce. My current marriage, absolutely nothing. My marriage is as close to perfect as it gets.

Traditional_Crew6617 Report

Final score:

8points

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#35

The wedding, her family, her obsession with money.

nsabibtm Report

Final score:

8points

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#36

Inviting family to the wedding.

goaheadblameitonme Report

Final score:

7points

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DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago

Hell to the no. A lot of my family aren't even gonna know lol

2points

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#37

Did a visa marriage so we could be together at all and she wanted it to be public and I conceded and that was a big mistake. Should have just stayed on paper in a drawer for the utility of it. Telling people about it will only and did bring more problems than we could handle.

KlM-J0NG-UN Report

Final score:

6points

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#38

Wasted time and resources. All for nothing.

rb577511 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#39

Not being aligned with sex drive. Would've been good to know that 10years ago. Love her more than anything but jerkin the old gherkin get old on your own after a while 🤣.

Accomplished-Bet-420 Report

Final score:

5points

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similarly 1 month ago

This is one of the most common complaints among married people who feel unhappy or unfulfilled: sexual incompatibility. You're rarely going to find two people who want the same amount of sex at the same time. There will ALWAYS be someone who's not getting it as often as they'd like. What people have to do is sit down, think about it. Is it REALLY that important? Yes? Get a divorce. But if you look at your marriage and say "Yeah, I really wish we did have sex more often, but you know what? What I get from this marriage in other ways is worth more to me than the sex, and eventually, I'll get old and won't care so much about sex anyway." and maybe it won't seem so bad. But I do think married couples need to cooperate, communicate, maybe try to compromise a bit?

4points

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#40

The getting married part.

Big_ETH_boi Report

Final score:

5points

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#41

30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For Losing my independence. And not having as much sex as I want. My wife decided to stop taking care of herself the minute we got married. Has gained about 15 pounds a year, every year, since we got married. Will not stop eating, will not work out, and any pushback from my side results in arguments and accusations of "fatphobia." her solution to this is for me to magically become attracted to obese women by listening to podcasts about fat shaming.

hadriantheteshlor , Fernanda Latronico Report

Final score:

4points

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Susie Elle 1 month ago

So you're not attracted to her but you do want her to put out? We're not getting the full story here and I understand that, but it sounds like you two are incompatible on more levels than just this.

9points

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#42

Having children too early.

I consider 32 too early — for me personally.

humanessinmoderation Report

Final score:

4points

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Crouching hippo hidden panda 1 month ago

My neighbours had their kid at 45 and 60. I feel so sorry for him sometimes, they’ve never done a bday party or even anything kid centric. They take him hiking a lot, and he hangs around in the car park most days throwing stones. He seems bored and lonely

1point

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#43

If anyone has regrets, it’s likely not about marriage, it’s about being with the wrong person.

anon Report

Final score:

3points

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Con O Cuinn 1 month ago (edited)

This is f*****g stupid. How do you not regret the marriage if it's to the wrong person? Pseudo intellectual BS.

3points

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#44

Not sleeping with more women before I got married.

TraditionalTackle1 Report

Final score:

2points

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SirWriteALot 1 month ago

Why? For that notch in your belt or a trophy or something? Grow up.

5points

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#45

That I went from broke to well off and my ex went from well off to broke, and now that we’re getting divorced it’s reversed again.

watchtheworldsmolder Report

Final score:

2points

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Aelin Wildfire 2 weeks ago

Sounds like you were taking advantage of her, then...

0points

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#46

I expected more out of her improving on herself; not being false she is definitely better than when we were dating/engaged, its just not in the direction I expected.

BreakerMark78 Report

Final score:

0points

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Earonn - 1 month ago

So, she improved on herself (so, she herself wasn't enough for OP), but the issue is that she didn't improved the way HE wants?

4points

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#47

The Wife!

BTW thats not a joke.

leanpatriarch Report

Final score:

-1point

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Crouching hippo hidden panda 1 month ago

No one’s laughing

1point

#48

We're 23 years together and had close to 10 years of "deadbedroom" (used "" cause we did have sex like once, twice a month while i needed it daily). I regret i didn't push it hard enough and tried to solve it in wrong way.

Nathaniel66 Report

Final score:

-2points

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Deborah B 1 month ago

So sex every two weeks or so? Not a dead beadroom, just different sex drives. TBH, more frequent than he'd probrably be getting as a single.

9points

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#49

When I get angry at Wifey, I can't tell her to get out and go home.....

BECAUSE SHE'S ALREADY HOME!!!

BALDBULLDOG1963 Report

Final score:

-5points

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#50

Getting married in general, it's nothing more than an relationship insurance policy for women. Pre marriage, it wasn't bad. The more she got( house, marriage, child) she became one of those I don't do this, I don't do that women. I don't help, ice completely clocked out. I got to work, come home to my computer room, and only come out to use the restroom and eat dinner. Rinse and repeat. She sits complains about, all I see looking atbher is a false advertising sign on the coach. I stay for my kid because I enjoy seeing him daily, and over my f*****g did body she's getting half my bank account, I rather be 6 feet under.

Odd-Flower-1861 Report

Final score:

-6points

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similarly 1 month ago

"I got to work, come home to my computer room, and only come out to use the restroom and eat dinner." Yeah, I think I see the problem. Marriage is a partnership, and that includes making dinner, washing up, doing laundry, cleaning house, spending time with the kid, spending time with HER. This sounds really toxic. They should just divorce. This guy's "over my F+king did body ... I rather be 6 feet under" ... shaking my head. I'm just shaking my head.

6points

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What do you think ?

Lost Panda 1 month ago (edited)

My biggest regret, staying married after seeing just how jealous and controlling she can be. Every interaction with a female is seen as flirting/trying to bed them (even relatives). Any thing I do is not right because it wasn't done how she does/would do it. I only stay because I would lose my kids, pets, house, job, all financials. If I ever get out of this alive, I will never do this again because it just ain't worth it.

MagicJacket 1 month ago

Me and my ex both came out of strange relationships, so when we met, we both thought the other was so normal that it seemed like fate that we met, and we fell deeply in love, or so it seemed. Instead, we had just met a normal person and interpreted it as meaning more than it did. We'd have been better as friends. Got two great kids out of it though.

I got married when I was 22. I was SO young and stupid. I did so many things ... but my wife and I always say we can't really say we "regret" stuff because it brought us where we are now.

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30 Men Share Why Marriage Wasn’t The Fairytale They Hoped For

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