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Guy Points Out The Dumb Logic Of Men Saying Women’s Standards Are “Too High” And That’s Why They’ll End Up As “Cat Ladies”
Men: can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Well, except in the astonishingly increasing instances when we can definitely live without them.
A recent Pew Research analysis found that a rising share of American adults — roughly four-in-ten — are unpartnered. And often, men offload the blame for the expanding single population onto women by declaring they have unrealistic ideals no man will ever live up to. But in fact, it’s them who are more likely to be viscerally single and feel lonelier than ever.
The truth is that women are not single because of their high standards. They have them for a reason, and if they move through life alone, it’s a result of their own choices.
A TikToker who goes by @honestappraisal has recently explained this in detail. The man sheds light on how heterosexual males project their insecurities about being single onto women — without even knowing it. As he explains in the video caption, “Better creators have made this point more articulately than me, but maybe it’ll get through coming from a man.” And guessing from viewer reactions, it definitely did. Scroll down to read the content of the clip in full and be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comment section below.
RELATED:
This TikToker recently explained how men who blame single women for having high standards are actually projecting their insecurities onto them without even knowing it
Image credits: honestappraisal
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ELEVATE (not the actual photo)
Image credits: honestappraisal
You can watch the full video right here
@honestappraisal Better creators have made this point more articulately than me, but maybe it’ll get through coming from a man… #notalldix #masculinity #adviceformen #mensadvice #manhood #goodrelationships #healing #love #compassion #antimisogyny #smashthepatriarchy ♬ original sound – HonestAppraisal
If you spend time on the internet, which most of us do nowadays, you know there’s a running trend among women to consciously choose to stay single instead of wasting their time on someone who doesn’t deserve it. And no wonder some men are getting upset about this, as there’s an abundance of research showing that they tend to benefit more from heterosexual relationships than women — they are happier, healthier, earn more money, and live longer compared to their bachelor counterparts.
On the flip side, studies show that in the UK, unmarried and childfree women are the happiest subgroup in the population. Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics, explained: “We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that academic science and just say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.”
Since there has been a cultural shift where women are sticking to their boundaries, wishes, and needs more than before, men have fewer opportunities to secure romantic connections. Especially the ones who refuse to step up in dating and their own personal development and then get angry when women are, to put it simply, giving up on them.
So to gain some insight on why some men project their fears about being single onto women instead of stepping up their game, we reached out to John Kenny, a relationship empowerment coach, host of The Relationship Guy podcast, and author of The P.E.O.P.L.E. Programme: How to Overcome Your Blocks to Success. According to him, when men blame women for ending up single, everything depends on what they mean when they are talking about standards.
“When I work with my clients, I get them to set out what they want in a relationship, but we are talking about fundamental things, such as values and where they want their lives to be/go,” Kenny told Bored Panda, adding that everyone can find what they want in a person.
“If the standards they are talking about are women that are just looking for someone to pay for everything and do everything etc., then they are right that this person needs to change these standards as they are expecting someone to do everything for them and take no responsibility for themselves or the relationship,” the relationship coach explained.
But when women’s expectations are perfectly reasonable, it’s a different story. In these cases, “it is likely that either the man has delusions of grandeur, is self-centered and believes themselves above others and so, therefore, believes they are the ones who set the standards and look down on certain people, saying they shouldn’t be aiming as high as them.”
Moreover, these individuals may even be unable to meet the levels of another person, but instead of owning up to the fact, they “try and get the other person to lower them, therefore not having to look at themselves.”
“This could be so that they can maintain the relationship and are desperate to hold onto it, or a form of coercive control, needing someone to be lesser than they are to feel better about themselves,” Kenny added.
In response, one commenter mentioned that some men seem to be stuck in their teenage years
And the TikToker later addressed the issue in a follow-up clip
@honestappraisal Replying to @✨🙃✨ just thinking out loud… #notalldix #adviceformen #masculinity #manhood #mensadvice #goodrelationships #antimisogyny #smashthepatriarchy ♬ original sound – HonestAppraisal
Of course, failing to meet healthy relationship expectations goes both ways. Kenny pointed out that women can also look for a partner to fulfill their needs yet refuse to offer the same in return. For example, the “‘You should just be grateful that you have me’ type of attitude, more delusional and self-centered behavior.”
Men with a lower sense of worth or insecurities “may struggle to be with someone who knows what they are looking for, and find that they feel rejected and so project these onto the woman, rather than trying to be better versions of themselves and offer more.”
“When working with my clients, I will always advocate that they don’t settle and remain single, working on themselves and enjoying their own space until they meet the person that meets their wants/needs,” Kenny told us.
For men with insecurities that lead them to think “they are better than anyone and carry an arrogant sense of self,” coach Kenny suggested taking a good look at why they believe this to be true. “Otherwise, you will find that you never have a fully connected relationship.”
“If you have fears of being on your own, then you are likely to have low self-confidence and self-worth and this can also be worked on,” Kenny continued. “If you find it difficult to connect with others at a deeper level then you may have an unhealthy attachment style and understanding this will help you to be with someone without looking for issues/faults to keep yourself safe.”
Moreover, men who blame women for their singledom may even be carrying an unhealthy set of relationship beliefs that lead them to choose the wrong partners.
“Become self-confident, accepting, and humble. If you meet people that have decided to put in extremely high expectations of a relationship that doesn’t suit you or you don’t agree with, that is ok. If you react to it, then you need to deal with something of your own,” Kenny concluded.
Viewers applauded the man’s approach and chimed in with their own experiences
What do you think ?
Susie Elle 2 years ago
There's a reason why unmarried, childless women are the happiest of all demographies.
harpling 2 years ago
They also tend to be the healthiest. They live longer, they recover faster from illness or surgery, and they have fewer major health issues. It's almost as if women who aren't expected to take care of everyone else in the house before taking care of themselves can actually, y'know, take care of themselves. https://www.creativehealthyfamily.com/women-who-stay-single-longer-are-the-happiest-healthiest-studies-show/
Load More Replies...
Zoltan Toth 2 years ago
I wish more men saw this. It's really telling how some men think and talk about relationships. There seems to be a lot of resentment towards women who have standards, because that reduces the desirability of manchildren - "lower your standards or you'll end up alone" as well as "negging" and other attempts to erode women's confidence are designed to manipulate women into "settling for" a relationship with them. The absolute irony of this, of course, is that they full well KNOW that being with them is "settling for" an inferior option, otherwise women wouldn't have to be manipulated to do so. This is why many men in several countries even to this day revel in limiting women's options and opportunities, because they know women wouldn't settle for them willingly if they had access to better alternatives (e.g. financial independence, education, being able to socialise and travel freely, etc).
Susie Elle 2 years ago
There's a reason why unmarried, childless women are the happiest of all demographies.
harpling 2 years ago
They also tend to be the healthiest. They live longer, they recover faster from illness or surgery, and they have fewer major health issues. It's almost as if women who aren't expected to take care of everyone else in the house before taking care of themselves can actually, y'know, take care of themselves. https://www.creativehealthyfamily.com/women-who-stay-single-longer-are-the-happiest-healthiest-studies-show/
Load More Replies... Zoltan Toth 2 years ago
I wish more men saw this. It's really telling how some men think and talk about relationships. There seems to be a lot of resentment towards women who have standards, because that reduces the desirability of manchildren - "lower your standards or you'll end up alone" as well as "negging" and other attempts to erode women's confidence are designed to manipulate women into "settling for" a relationship with them. The absolute irony of this, of course, is that they full well KNOW that being with them is "settling for" an inferior option, otherwise women wouldn't have to be manipulated to do so. This is why many men in several countries even to this day revel in limiting women's options and opportunities, because they know women wouldn't settle for them willingly if they had access to better alternatives (e.g. financial independence, education, being able to socialise and travel freely, etc).
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