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35 Men Share Things They Didn’t Know They Were Doing Wrong Until They Started Living With A Woman
Whether we're talking about romantic partners or just really good friends, moving in with someone can dramatically change a relationship. The two of you not only get to lower living costs, but also spend way more time in each other's company.
Sure, with all the socks laying around the house, there's a chance you'll exchange a few cold stares and words. But there are also plenty of opportunities to bond and even learn from one another.
A recent Reddit post by user Gerdaandemail is an excellent example of that—he submitted a question to the 'Ask Men' community, trying to learn what guys hadn't known or realized until only after living with a woman and got plenty of interesting replies.
From organizing your wardrobe to proper self-care, continue scrolling and check out some of the most popular ones.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
ALWAYS HELP WITHOUT ASKING. It’ll save your entire relationship/sex life/cuddle life etc. If you say “Do you need help?”(chores etc) she’ll say “No I got it” and it’s logged as the first resentment cut of a thousand. Don’t ask because you think it’s polite, just do it. There, saved you a divorce.
Andy Acceber 2 years ago
Just a reminder: It's also a lot of work and mental stress to plan chores. If you're constantly asking your partner "Can I help?" or "What can I do?," that means you've already tasked them with organizing and managing the projects. "Sometimes" is nice. "Always" becomes overwhelming fast. Relieve some of that stress. Without asking, figure out what needs doing and do it.
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#2
Joking aside I’ve learnt a lot of good stuff, like caring for various things. For example how to properly store fruits and vegetables so that they don’t go bad, how to take care of textiles/clothes so that they can be used for longer etc. Also that I didn’t eat nearly enough fiber before. Loads of things. People say that their girlfriends nag a lot but honestly there’s a lot of good stuff to be learnt if you just listen.
After Bored Panda reached out to Gerdaandemail for a comment, the author of the viral post agreed to take some time out of his day for a quick chat about what inspired him to explore this topic.
"I was taking care of some household chores when it struck me that several of the things I did, my wife had taught me or helped me improve," the Redditor recalled.
"Specifically, I was doing laundry and got thinking about how I used to ruin my clothes by ignoring the laundry instructions. My wife has helped me take care of myself in so many ways, both mentally, physically and practically, and I was wondering if anybody else had the same experience."
#3
Lived with a girl who did the whole toilet seat thing
So, I'm a boy and lazily left the seat up.
She told me that I needed to leave the seat down (and lid up). She was adamant that this was the right way of doing it. But she is wrong
Let's get this absolutely clear: the lid needs to be down at all times, when not in use
Even though more couples are living together than ever before, according to one study that took a closer look at 192 young people in their late twenties, the motivation for men and women to share a place are different.
"We found that responses varied by gender much more than they did by race or ethnicity, suggesting a substantial gender gap in the perceived role of cohabitation in the union formation process," said Pamela Smock, a sociologist who directs the University of Michigan Population Studies Center, part of the U-M Institute for Social Research (ISR).
She conducted the study with Penelope Huang of the University of California Hastings College of the Law, Wendy Manning of Bowling Green State University, and Cara Bergstrom-Lynch of East Connecticut State University, and discovered that overall, three key reasons for living together emerged: wanting to spend more time with one's partner, wanting to share life's financial burdens, and wanting to test compatibility.
#5
Skin. Care. My friends all laugh at me for derma rolling, beard oiling, clay mask in the shower, special serums for my under eyes, lotions & creams etc… smooth, soft skin, & (soon) softer beard.
I dont flake, I dont itch, & I look youthful. Meanwhile my friends are endlessly picking at their faces and complaining about beard itch.
Skin care, lads
WilvanderHeijden 2 years ago
Nah, I'll wash my face, butt and balls with the same shampoo I use to wash my car and my wife says I look fine. A bit too shiny, but fine.
White Wolf 2 years ago
I have read it somewhere, a lady wrote, I am trying to quote it now.... "You might laugh at Asian men "gay" skincare habits with your neck beard + socks-sandal combo but when Yoonsung over there looks 25 at the age of 47 and you just turned 33 on your 18th birthday, you might consider having a facial or two."
Chris Mbuff 2 years ago
christ! just get on with life, spending hours per week in front of the mirror, preening like a twat is hours taken away from from being a learning, evolving active human.
#6
Can't just use towels for generic tasks, specific towels have specific purposes. Failure to comply is sacrilege and punishable by immediate scolding.
Roxy Eastland 2 years ago
Don't use the effing hand towel to wipe up spillages when for the sake of two seconds, and the effort of opening a cupboard door, you could get out a floor cloth
But the way men and women put forth these three goals differed quite a lot. Women highlighted "love" as a reason to live together three times as often as men did, while men cited "sex" as a reason to live together four times as often as women did.
Both men and women saw cohabitation as a temporary state in which to gauge compatibility, but women saw it as a transitional arrangement preceding marriage, while men tended to see it as a convenient, low-risk way to see if a relationship had longer-term potential, using terms like "test drive" to describe the arrangement.
The strongest gender differences, however, emerged in the perceived disadvantages of cohabitation. Women believed that living together meant less commitment and legitimacy than marriage, while men saw the greatest disadvantage as their shrunken freedom.
Despite the mismatches in motives and expectations, Smock noted that young adults appear to see cohabitation as an expected part of life. "Ultimately, the clearest message was that living together is very much taken for granted. As a result, the upward climb in the proportion of young adults who cohabit is likely to continue for some time," she explained.
#7
I never learned how to pay attention to, comprehend and express my feelings. Especially the emotional-gooey-feely ones, but also when things would bother me, so I wouldn't work on things when they'd bother me, I'd just...leave. As in, the relationship. So through many years of ruining things, much heartache, and painful growth, she had the love and patience to not only see that there was potential in me, but also to not give up on me. I had the emotional tenderness of a brick basically. It took hitting rock bottom to understand that if I didn't learn to do those things, Id lose the best thing that ever happened to me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be in a drunk in a ditch somewhere, probably alone. Now I'm only sometimes drunk, completely happy and in love in a functional relationship. She's basically a Saint for putting up with me having been emotionally disabled. And the gift thing: well, there is joy in giving to others and seeing how much happiness she would get from seeing people's reaction to gifts made me stop wanting to keep her from doing so, stop being selfish and lean to take joy also in making my friends and loved ones happy about a thoughtful gift. I was an emotionally dysfunctional man, after living with her, I'm less like an actual porcupine and more like a plush toy porcupine.
Richard Portman 2 years ago
Oh, here's another one, they always say this. Women are supposed to have the golden key to emotional understanding. I have met a lot of confused frightened women and men. It is not gender specific.
#8
Bed Sheets. I used to cheap out, but pampering yourself in nice bed sheets makes it feel like you're staying at a fancy hotel every night.
Returning to our topic, Gerdaandemail thinks that men learning something from a woman isn't necessarily a question about genders "but rather how one relates to new information from a person who is different from oneself."
"Chances are that your partner and you have different interests that have generated different pools of knowledge that can be used to contribute to the relationship," he said.
"As someone who has vastly better conversations" with his wife than with most men, the Redditor also believes that men and women can definitely "speak the same language" and understand each other.
"In my opinion, good communication has its roots in mutual respect, interest, and willingness to learn and listen. Gender is far too blunt a tool to distinguish between good or bad conversationalists," he added. Which is a perfect reminder that if you've been with someone who you feel didn't really get you, it wasn't proof that you can't find common ground with the opposite gender. Maybe you just weren't compatible.
#9
How good it feels to keep my home organized and clean. After living with my now ex-wife for six years, I can’t help but do deep cleans for my mental health.
I really appreciate a solid vacuum cleaner, I feel better keeping wires off the floor, I’m proud of my undersink collection of cleaners and spare sponges (change out your dishwashing sponges 🧽 regularly!), I loaded up on 30+ microfiber cloths from Home Depot so I’m never without a way to clean up dust/messes, and I Konmari the sh*t out of my belongings on a regular basis for great relief. 😮💨
Also I appreciate:
tissue boxes in every room
Rugs next to the bed
Every thing must have a home
Matching furniture has a subtle but powerful effect
Art on the walls does look nicer in frames, even dirt cheap frames from IKEA
Hiding cords feels good (combined with easy access for inevitable fiddling)
Taking out the trash feels as good as pooping
NsG 2 years ago
There's a thought process that states something along the lines of men don't appreciate (or see the need) for the comforts of a home until they marry (it's an *old* thought). Basically, men see their house as a functional place only. As long as it has a roof and a bed, the rest are fripperies. And then he gets married and his wife turns the house into a home, full of creature comforts (this also often comes across as the "nesting" that many women do in their eighth month of pregnancy). And now men understand the importance of rugs, and artwork. This still plays out in the stereotypes of bachelor pads. While 4+ extra pillows on beds (nope, no idea what that's about) are also the source of satire and parody, soft furnishings DO have a positive impact on the emotions. Their function is often overlooked, and I can't help think it's related to the "men can't be soft" idiocy.
#10
When I get into bed, I lie down too hard, causing the bed to shake violently. I have since learned to lie down more gently.
Kristof De Smet 2 years ago
apparently, you also need to move more gently when you're sleeping.
#11
The act of doing laundry is not 3 separate chores (washing, drying, folding & putting away.) It is one chore and you either did it or not.
#12
Sooo much hair.
It looks like I pull a beaver out of the drain every two months.
Ps- fun fact, adding daughters to the mix does not double the hair. Somehow it’s actually squared. I don’t get it either.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
I have long hair. Boyfriend’s hair is longer than mine. I have two cats. One is long-haired. I just got a new puppy. My entire world is made of shed hair and fur. XD
#13
Hygiene.
Before her, all I did was brush my teeth and shower daily.
I watched this woman wake up earlier to do a whole skin care routine every day on top of showering and doing her make-up.
Every inch of her always smelled so good and her skin so soft, I didn't even say anything about it. I just thought to myself, "she does this and I appreciate it, let me repay the favor."
We're not together anymore, but I stole her hygiene routine without her even knowing
Saint Thomas 2 years ago
Brushing and washing daily is already a good routine. The rest is just cosmetic IMO...
#14
Giving her space while giving her affection. Apparently, when she says all she wants to do is sit down and watch her novelas in peace. She actually means she wants me to sit down with her. But not for too long. Just long enough.
Crease Almighty 2 years ago
Yeah, I found out that saying I love you 100 times in a row at the beginning of the month (like Will Farrell from Elf) is not a way around saying it at key moments during the month.
#15
Putting out fires, thankfully! We had a little grease fire and I came running in with a bucket of water and she grabbed me by the arm and handed me a blanket instead, I almost f*ckin killed us both by being an idiot.
The only Plueschopossum 2 years ago
Ok, but this one's common sense. It has nothing to do with one's gender...
#16
Putting raw meat at the top of the fridge and cooked meat under. She was like your gonna give us all food poisoning. If that meat juice lands on the cooked meat your gonna make us all I'll af.
So yeah, cooked meat at the top, raw on the bottom.
Martha Goodridge-Kelly 2 years ago
Or use containers do the meat juice doesn’t drip all over your fridge!
#17
That I was damaging my pans by rinsing and soaking them right after using them.
Now I just let them sit on the stove for a week so they are nice and cool before I might wash them.
#18
Apparently there is no acceptable place to trim my toenails, so I just have to wait for when she’s not home.
#19
I never got in trouble for being unfaithful in someone else’s dreams until I lived with a woman.
Julia Odom 2 years ago (edited)
Its not just women. A few weeks ago SO seemed like he woke up on the wrong side if the bed so I eventually asked him what was wrong. He had dreamed that I cheated on him. He knew it was irrational but he was still very cranky all day (which is very unlike him).
#20
Folding towels. I’ve lived with 3 women and they all insist that hot dog style with a tri-fold is the correct way. Apparently my hamburger style is for Neanderthals.
NsG 2 years ago
I have no idea what "hotdog style with a tri-fold" means (sounds like either a sex position or an Olympic winning gymnastic move). The correct way to fold towels depends on where they are stored and how they are accessed - oh, and actually *folded*; a rumpled towel takes up space, folded is efficient.
#21
Apparently I'm supposed to go to the doctor every now and then.
#22
the bucket of water after mopping shouldn't go on the sink, it should go on the toilet.
Commander OwO 2 years ago
Why in the world would you dump it into the SINK?! How long would it take for the water to all go down the drain?
#23
I didn't actually know how to communicate my feelings. Also, I learned how to give gifts that are meaningful.
#24
Apparently shampoo goes on the scalp and conditioner goes on the loose hair, not the other way around!
#26
The bathroom trash can is only used for bathroom trash
Evelyn Ann 2 years ago
I throw anything in my hand while walking past in there but this is something i could see my sister enforcing xD the bathroom garbage is smaller, idk
#27
Pretty much how to take care of my hair and skin better. Also made me better at taking care of myself in general.
For example I put coconut oil in my hair before I go swimming. I learned this from a girlfriend I had in Hawaii.
Apparently it helps seal moisture in as well as protect your hair from damage. Whatever it does, my hair gets softer, smoother and bigger after it dries. I swear it never looked so fabulous in my life.
Edit: After reading some comments, I just want to clarify.
It's not like a shampoo or styling product. You don't need that much.
Too much going down the drains can mess up your pipes. So please don't pour goops of it over your head.
I just rub a few drops between my hands then tousled my hair until it has a nice sheen.
#28
I thought my clean clothes went in the clean pile on one side of the room, and the dirty clothes went under the bed. Boy did I get that one wrong...
#29
Not drying off in the shower before stepping on the bath mat, therefore minimizing how wet the bath mat gets.
#30
Seasoning meat. And damn was she right, it needs some spices on it.
#31
That my bed can't have just the one pillow. Apparently I need a million of them.
Roxy Eastland 2 years ago
As a woman I've no idea what this heaping of a hundred cushions on a bed thing is.
#32
Apparently one does not drink wine directly from the bottle.
#33
I didn’t know that I can be wrong just because of my tone but if I said something, and my tone was not right, I am wrong
#34
Apparently my farts will make a room uninhabitable. My buddies and I are all industrial workers and have generally lost or sense of smell. She is still quite capable of smelling
#35
Everything. I do everything wrong.
What do you think ?
NsG 2 years ago
Here we have a spectrum. At one end we have men learning how to take care of themselves (and by extension their loved ones). And at the other we have men living with every stereotype of women who are so irritated by everything a man does to the point where they need to split up for the sake of everyone. What a ride.
Ozacoter 2 years ago
Its just sad how many men never learned basic life skills to take care of the house and themselves. But yeah some are over the top.
Load More Replies...
Beth S 2 years ago
After reading this post, I am starting to question if I am actually a woman. LOL
Fish Boden 2 years ago
Right? It's almost like this stuff isn't gender specific.
Load More Replies...
Amanda Reicha 2 years ago
I think it goes both ways and not just stereotyped to women. My husband taught me cooking and I taught organization for example. We both taught each other about different things. What I read has some questionable answers that sound like following a preference rather than learning.
Jenn C 2 years ago
My dad taught her how to cook, and my mom taught him how to change the car oil.
Load More Replies...
JustAnother Soul 2 years ago
Bottom line, teach your kids of any gender, to take care of themselves and their home and their stuff and teach them all basic life skills.
Pan 2 years ago
The think that I learned is that woman have facial hair too. I knew some women had. But it surprised me that all have this amount of facial hair. Its just often not dark, and very fine. Butvits there. Everywhere. And dense. On hindsight, this is completely logical. But media told me, there is no such thing. It took me the opportunity to get close in good light, and have time to realize this. Then I saw it everywhere. Blew my mind.
Pan 2 years ago
Ah, the title changed? What I did wrong? That my wife does complain about stuff and does not always wants a suggestion for a solution. But wants me to hear her out so she can vent. So I started to ask if this is a thing where She wants my support, or if she wants me to help to solve the issue.
Load More Replies...
Will Bontekoe 2 years ago
Yes, asking men what they did wrong is so incredibly sexist.
Load More Replies...
Giles McArdell 2 years ago
This has to be the longest list of sarcastic, passive aggressive comments I've ever seen. Lots to work on here couples!
Kate Jones 2 years ago
Some of these are just women not being a team in their relationship and saying 'this is how I do it, therefore that's the only right way.'. When you take someone into your life, there's a give and take. Just because he does it differently doesn't mean it's wrong. Unless it somehow negatively affects our lives, do whatever you want. Fight for the things that really matter.
anarkzie 2 years ago
I learned not to use body lotion on my face from my ex. She explained that its thicker than face lotion and will cause spots on your face due to it clogging your pores. Until that moment I did think that face cream was a con much like ladies razors being the same thing as men's razor's just in pink.
Mariah Gensmer 2 years ago
I am #6. I had a meltdown after my ex used my new bathroom hand towels for cleaning. He used bleach.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
Some of these were actually really nice to read (like the ons about how to take care of their mental health) but some of them are obnoxious. If you need to say "when a woman says this, she means this", then you aren't the problem. The person who refuses to communicate what they actually want is.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Most of these sound like the women just insist their way is the only way, or what they think is necessary goes for everyone.
NsG 2 years ago
Here we have a spectrum. At one end we have men learning how to take care of themselves (and by extension their loved ones). And at the other we have men living with every stereotype of women who are so irritated by everything a man does to the point where they need to split up for the sake of everyone. What a ride.
Ozacoter 2 years ago
Its just sad how many men never learned basic life skills to take care of the house and themselves. But yeah some are over the top.
Load More Replies... Beth S 2 years ago
After reading this post, I am starting to question if I am actually a woman. LOL
Fish Boden 2 years ago
Right? It's almost like this stuff isn't gender specific.
Load More Replies... Amanda Reicha 2 years ago
I think it goes both ways and not just stereotyped to women. My husband taught me cooking and I taught organization for example. We both taught each other about different things. What I read has some questionable answers that sound like following a preference rather than learning.
Jenn C 2 years ago
My dad taught her how to cook, and my mom taught him how to change the car oil.
Load More Replies... JustAnother Soul 2 years ago
Bottom line, teach your kids of any gender, to take care of themselves and their home and their stuff and teach them all basic life skills.
Pan 2 years ago
The think that I learned is that woman have facial hair too. I knew some women had. But it surprised me that all have this amount of facial hair. Its just often not dark, and very fine. Butvits there. Everywhere. And dense. On hindsight, this is completely logical. But media told me, there is no such thing. It took me the opportunity to get close in good light, and have time to realize this. Then I saw it everywhere. Blew my mind.
Pan 2 years ago
Ah, the title changed? What I did wrong? That my wife does complain about stuff and does not always wants a suggestion for a solution. But wants me to hear her out so she can vent. So I started to ask if this is a thing where She wants my support, or if she wants me to help to solve the issue.
Load More Replies... Will Bontekoe 2 years ago
Yes, asking men what they did wrong is so incredibly sexist.
Load More Replies... Giles McArdell 2 years ago
This has to be the longest list of sarcastic, passive aggressive comments I've ever seen. Lots to work on here couples!
Kate Jones 2 years ago
Some of these are just women not being a team in their relationship and saying 'this is how I do it, therefore that's the only right way.'. When you take someone into your life, there's a give and take. Just because he does it differently doesn't mean it's wrong. Unless it somehow negatively affects our lives, do whatever you want. Fight for the things that really matter.
anarkzie 2 years ago
I learned not to use body lotion on my face from my ex. She explained that its thicker than face lotion and will cause spots on your face due to it clogging your pores. Until that moment I did think that face cream was a con much like ladies razors being the same thing as men's razor's just in pink.
Mariah Gensmer 2 years ago
I am #6. I had a meltdown after my ex used my new bathroom hand towels for cleaning. He used bleach.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
Some of these were actually really nice to read (like the ons about how to take care of their mental health) but some of them are obnoxious. If you need to say "when a woman says this, she means this", then you aren't the problem. The person who refuses to communicate what they actually want is.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Most of these sound like the women just insist their way is the only way, or what they think is necessary goes for everyone.
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