Dirty socks on the floor, unwashed dishes in the sink, dust balls forming in the corners of the room—these are just a few examples of things that tend to pile up if a person fails to tidy up after themselves or do a regular clean up. And while it’s clear that not everyone is equally eager to clean their home, most would agree that the majority of adults are at least capable of taking care of such mundane tasks.

Yet some people don’t, and not because they don’t know how to, but because they don’t feel like it; and that’s when weaponized incompetence comes into play. Also known as strategic incompetence, the term refers to the deliberate feigning of incompetence in order to avoid certain tasks or responsibilities, typically resulting in situations like the ones depicted on this list.

According to Forbes, weaponized incompetence might seem benign, but in reality, it can accentuate the often unequal division of chores between partners even more and lead to long-term negative effects on their relationship.

Finding themselves in such a situation, those exposed to their partner’s strategic incompetence might say that when they ask for help, they often have to explain things in great detail or eventually (re)do it themselves. Situations like these are likely to strain the relationship, as shifting nearly all the responsibility onto one set of shoulders tends to lead to stress and other detrimental consequences.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Claudia de Llano seconds the idea that weaponized incompetence creates an imbalance in a romantic relationship, as one of the partners is forced to carry the majority of the load.

“An imbalance of responsibilities can lead to conflicting feelings about the relationship,” she told VeryWell Mind. “While you may love your partner and care about them, you may also grow frustrated and start to resent them for not helping out more.”

Lacking support from your partner, even if in regards to something as mundane as taking care of the dishes, might lead to bigger problems over time, such as trust and communication issues or emotional disconnection.

Be it picking up socks, doing the dishes, or any other seemingly mundane task, some people might take frustratingly long taking care of it; sometimes purposefully so. According to the relationship coach John Kenny, also known as the Relationship Guy, when it comes to weaponized incompetence, doing something in a way that aggravates, irritates, or upsets one’s partner and eventually gets them to step in is the end goal. “It is a passive-aggressive way of getting someone to do something that you just, well, really don’t want to do.”

The relationship expert emphasized that sometimes people are genuinely incapable of doing certain things for one reason or another, no matter how seemingly primitive they are; that’s when it’s important to be patient and show empathy. However, if these scenarios continue to repeat themselves, such behavior can become a manipulative tool used to get (out of) what they want, tolerating which might not be a good idea.

According to a survey of over a thousand married Americans, not contributing enough to household chores is one of the things that annoy people about their spouses the most, followed closely by being a slob; both of which can become problems of way larger proportions if the spouse also engages in strategic incompetence.

Things that seemingly frustrate people about their significant others even more, though, are the latter having selective hearing, snoring, being too controlling or not financially responsible enough.

According to Gallup’s data, women tend to take care of a larger chunk of household chores, especially in regards to cooking, cleaning, taking care of the house and the children. (Though yard work and car maintenance remain primarily the men’s responsibilities.)

That might be one of the reasons why married and cohabiting men seem to be more satisfied with the way household chores are divided between them and their partner. Back in 2020, as much as 55% of men were very satisfied with this aspect of their relationship, compared with 38% of their female counterparts, Pew Research Center reports (marking an increase from 49% for the former and a decrease of 1% for the latter compared to 2019).

Needless to say, not all male partners engage in weaponized incompetence; not only that, women are equally as capable of doing a bad job with certain chores, too, seeking to never have to do them ever again. But no matter who is behind this kind of behavior, chances are that in the long run, it won’t make the relationship any better for either of the people involved.

If you’re looking for more examples of weaponized incompetence, continue to our previous edition on the matter, browse through the most absurd cases of such incompetence on this list, or listen to this TikToker’s insight as she delves deeper into what’s behind it.