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Men In This Online Community Shared 30 Times They Protected Women By Pretending To Be Friends With Them
Women never feel completely safe in public or even in their own home. They are always aware about the people surrounding them and they immediately can sense when someone wishes them harm, but also who they can go to if they need help.
Reddit user wizardoflaw presented a hypothetical situation to the users of the subreddit Ask Men, “A girl approaches you and says, ‘pretend we’re friends. I’m being followed.’ What would you do?” It was nice to see that most of them said that they would play along.
While most of the answers were hypothetical as the question, there were men who shared stories that happened to them in real life of women coming up to them and either explaining that they are followed or just straight up pretending to know them. Men in the subreddit immediately gathered what was going on and helped the girls or women reach their destinations safely and you can read through those stories in this list.
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#1
Aw man. I remember being at a bar and telling this guy I had a boyfriend and still getting harassed, dude was all up in my personal space, like, right up in it, and some big Viking looking dude put his arm around me, looks the dude in the eye and goes "I'm the boyfriend"
I was left alone for the rest of the night haha.
I dont know who you are big Viking dude because you disappeared into the night, but I hope you're living your best life.
Violence, stalking and harassment are actions that don’t belong to a specific gender, but statistics show that women experience violence and unwanted attention more than men.
According to the Stalking Prevention, Awareness And Resource Center, “nearly 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men have experienced stalking victimization at some point in their lifetime.” And the data of National Coalition Against Domestic Violence shows that “1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence,” “1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner” and “1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.”
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#2
This happened to me about three years ago. I was in Home Depot and a young woman (about half my age) walked up to me, with a guy right on her shoulder babbling about something, and she said "Uncle Steve! I didn't think I'd see you until Mom's birthday party!" I looked at her a little confused, but she made a "help me!" face, and so I said "Well, you're in town already! This is a fun surprise! You wanna shop together? We can talk a little while we get our stuff." She gave the kind of look I expect Superman gets when he plucks somebody from a burning building.
Creepy guy was still there, so I made my voice a little gruff and said "Do you need something?" He said no and went away. We shopped and got our stuff, checked out, I walked her to her car and watched while she drove away.
#3
Back when I was 19 I was at a work Xmas party and noticed a girl I was good friends with getting harassed by a much older guy who was a manager. Not only was he a creep but I'd met his wife and child. I stepped in and asked her to dance and we spent the evening together. Didn't deter him he kept getting in her face and trying to shoulder me aside. We decided to leave together and called a taxi and when it arrived he tried to leave with us. I managed to push him out and we got away safely.
Two kids and 4 grandchildren later we have been married for 39 blissful years.
Women’s Aid, a national charity in the UK working to end domestic abuse against women and children made a YouTube video called “All Men.” It showed the numbers of women getting abused, of the numbers of them being killed and how often police get calls reporting domestic violence. They also suggested a solution. It is for all men to show a good example, reflect their behavior and just do better. You can find it here.
#4
This happened to me in Vegas…it was wild. Two girls walked up to me and a friend of mine at a bar with a creepy older guy hovering behind them. They started talking to us as if our parties were together. I was so confused but caught on, and awkwardly asked if they wanted to go get another round at the bar before realizing their drinks were full. I joking grabbed one of their cocktails and downed it to give us an excuse to go - it was one of the last things I remember from that night. The guy had roofied her drink.
I’m not a small dude (easily had the girl by 70lbs) and within 30 mins (I’m told) s**t went sideways for me. Before I lost track of everything, I distinctly remember him watching us like he was waiting for something. To this day I’m grateful I picked her drink.
#5
I'm 6' 3 ~250lb and I cannot count on both hands how many times a scared woman has joined my brothers and I or my friends and I, asking if we can pretend to know her because of some guy not taking no for an answer. We've walked people to cars, gotten people cabs, waited with them until they felt safer. I am always happy to help them, because I hope someone will do the same for my female friends, but it's sad that the need is there.
#6
Happened to me. Or close to it. She wasn't being followed, but a creepy person was trying to intoxicate her in a packed bar. I noticed, approachd her and said "oh heey!! Long time no see, how are you doing?" (I've never seen her before)
She immediately reacted and started chatting with me. After a while the person tried to pull her back saying "hey, she's with me" and I was like "oh not right now dude, we haven't seen each other for a long time".
We ended up dating.
Bored Panda talked with Isabelle Younane, head of policy, campaigns and public affairs at Women’s Aid and she expressed that everyone can do their bit to change these statistics but we should focus less on women safety tips and more on the reasons men are so violent, “Everyone can play a vital part in ending violence against women and girls and it is hopeful to see men bring about change. Time and again, well-meaning responses focus on what women can do to remain safe - without adequate attention being placed on why men continue to abuse and kill women at epidemic levels.”
#7
This happened to me once. I was at Preston station and a girl approached me and said can we pretend to be friends and chat as there's a creepy guy that keeps following me around the station.
I probably shouldn't have said "how do you know I'm not a creepy guy too?". But it did make her laugh. We chatted, and when the train got arrived we sat together. When we got to Lancaster she met a friend, said thanks, and we went our separate ways. And thankfully no problems with creepy guy.
God it must be s**t being female at times.
#8
Ooo… story time. Years ago I was at my favorite bar, ordering a drink and I see this guy kinda hanging on/around this girl. She just looked really uncomfortable. I kinda assessed the body language for some minutes longer trying to figure out if they were familiar like is this a “my boyfriend is drunk and I’m embarrassed” or a “this is a rando and I cannot politely excuse myself” situation. Figured out it was the latter. Drank my shot. Pretended to stumble upon her presence. Faked a big huge smile and said “Omg, I haven’t seen you in forever” and put my arms out for a hug. She looked hella confused (how many of us have made some bar friends that we couldn’t pick out a line up lol) but went in for the hug. At which point I whispered in her ear “you don’t know me but you look really uncomfortable are you okay”. I felt her body relax as she began to thank me profusely. Just told her to pretend we know each other and we proceeded to converse until the creep meandered away.
Moral of the story, they don’t always come up to you. Please practice situational awareness, it could really help someone.
Ben Moss 2 years ago (edited)
As a guy I really wish I knew more about how to de-escalate situations where a guy is harrassing a gal. I’ve only ever gotten my butt kicked trying to stand up for girls getting picked on. There should be a class where we learn how to make a meaningful difference! And also how not to make ladies uncomfortable
She thinks that this behavior must be called out even more and people shouldn’t allow for it to become normalized, “From everyday sexism and ‘laddish banter’ through to leering, groping, indecent exposure and stalking, these behaviours – if left unchallenged – reinforce women’s inequality and normalise the misogynistic and sexist attitudes that underpin all violence against women.”
#9
Been in a similar situation before, I was going home when I seen 2 teenage girls walking, behind them was 2 grown men on push bikes wolf whistling to them an cat calling! I asked the girls if they wanted me to walk with them until they got where they were going! Men disappeared and one of the girls parents then accused me of hanging around with teenagers until there daughter stepped up and said what was happening, her dad then wrapped his arms around me and said “what a man, thank you for being a great bloke”
#10
Actually happened to me once. Girl approached my wife and me at a bar and asked if I could pretend to be her brother, some guy was creepin' her out. I was just like "Hey, there you are...didn't you see us sitting here?" Dude left.
#11
Only time this has ever happened to me was when I was 18 (37 now) down at Ozfest in Milton Keynes and a girl about my age (who looked like a proper rock chick who wouldn't be scared of anything) asked if she could walk with us after the day had ended along a few dark paths. (3 of us) we said hell yeah and walked her 20 mins along the road and she said thank you so much and went on her way. We all felt pretty good that she asked us ha.
I get some men get offended by the whole "not all men" thing. But to women it is potentially every man. So I just do what I can and my friends are all the same. Gotta look out for each other man.
Isabelle Younane thinks that there is a solution, “Only by tackling the root causes of women’s inequality can we create a world where every woman can live free from violence and abuse.”
What do you think the solution can be? Do you think it is possible to reach the goal of a safe world for women? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
#12
One time in a bar years back, a girl came up behind me and said urgently “pretend to be my boyfriend. Please.”
I see an angry guy shoving his way through the crowd towards us. I causally put my arm over her shoulder, and made eye contact with him. She was trembling violently.
He slowed a bit. I’m 6’4, 240. I just glared at him. We’re standing at the bar; he’s approaching from behind, she’s on my left staring straight ahead, with her back to him, I’m looking at him over my left shoulder.
I kinda growled “what?” at him as he stopped. He mumbled something I couldn’t hear over the music, and cleared off. After a minute, she stopped shaking, said thanks, and left. And that was it.
#13
Story time!
When I was about 19 years old I was at my favorite bar having a drink and waiting for a friend to show up. They had a warm smoking area you could drink in.
This dude who I know as a regular at this bar via my mom's friend (who says he raped her, had the bruises and everything) kept trying to force me to heavily drink. Then he tried to convince me to go to his house to do coke. This guy was like 50 and "just wanted to have a good time"
Another man was sitting across from me, and after creeps left to go get a drink other dude made sure to look right at me and say "no matter what happens, I won't leave you with him. Is someone coming for you?" Damn near cried into my beer and assured him someone was coming for me.
#14
Had something similar to this happen to me a while back. I was working at a bottle shop and two girls came in that were being followed by a guy. They said that he had been had been following them and acting inappropriatly towards them for the last half an hour and asked if they could talk with me for a while until he left.
After about a minute the guy comes in and is walking around kinda hiding behind racks and staring at them. This went on for a few minutes, so I went up to him and asked why he had been following my friends, he came up with some bulls**t about how he wasn't following them and he was just there to buy a beer. I told him that there weren't any beers in the wine racks he had been walking around and to purchase something and leave. Let the girls know they could stay for as long as they needed. About ten mins later they were thinking about leaving so I went out to sus whether the guy was still skulking about. Found him standing around the corner in our side carpark waiting in the dark. Ended up telling my boss I needed to clock out for half an hour and drove them home. As soon as he saw them get into a car he walked off.
There are a lot of creepy and predatory a**holes out there, I'd like to think that most guys would do the same given the situation.
#15
Back in the '90s, I pulled up to the bank ATM on a Saturday. There was a guy at the ATM, and another lady in her car - I was third in line, so I just sat in my truck to wait.
The lady got out and walked up to the ATM booth about the time the guy was finishing up, and I heard her ask him if he would mind waiting there until she got done. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was me, unshaved, wearing my old field jacket, sitting in a 20 year-old project truck with different color cab and bed, that she was nervous about.
But the guy stayed there in his car until she got back into hers, so... you know... that dude was a good guy.
#16
Oddly enough, I had this happen once.
There's a club where me and a couple buddys were regulars. I'm up from my table and at the bar getting a fresh drink, when this tiny little woman comes up smiles, puts a hand on my chest. "Oh HI! Haven't seen you in forever!" I'm confused, because I'm fairly certain I don't know her.
She then leans in real close. "I'm really sorry to bug you. I've seen you and your friends here all the time. There's this creepy guy that's been hitting on me and following me all around the club all night. Can you walk me to my car?"
So I take her by the hand, like she's there with me, swing back by my table, quick explain to my guys and walk her to her car. Creepy dude came out like 10 yards or so behind us. Funny thing is, she parked like a block away from the club - right in front of my flat. "You ever feel unsafe in this neighborhood, knock on that door. Either me or my roommates will help you out." She thanked me, gave me a hug and drove off. I go back to the club. Dude sees me turning around and walking back in and just looks down and tries to look like he's got a reason to be there. and mumbles a "what's up" or something as I walk past. I growl a "f**k off" and go back to the club.
This was back in the 90's - pre-Cellphone/Smartphone days. The Goth/Industrial crowd kind of policed it's own and looked after each other. Or at least it did in my city.
#17
woman here; I've done this before in the past. Was at a club, lost my friends and this creepy dude kept following/pestering me. It was so crowded I couldn't get to the security guy at the back so I turned to another guy and said "there's a creepy guy following me, can you pls help and pretend that we're friends?" and without missing a beat, he said "don't worry", then he turned his back to creepy guy who was looking at me, blocked my body with his and stood there. When creepy guy got closer and tried to talk to me again, he kept blocking me until creepy guy said "excuse me" and tried to pass the guy; guy turned around and said "what do you want with my girlfriend?" and creepy guy said sorry and left.
#18
Had it happen on vacation down in Florida. Went to the bar at the hotel and this girl came up to me and said hey can I walk with you for a few this guy won’t leave me alone. Said sure no problem. So we started walking and she told the guy to leave her alone and that I was her bf. We walked for about half a block and turned the corner after seeing him run off. She said thank you and gave me a hug. Told her my wife would have been pissed if I hadn’t done it and sure enough when I told my wife 5 minutes later she said I better have damn sure helped her lol
#19
Happened to me in Chicago a few years back. My fiancée and I owned a little clothing shop in a pretty nice area (not that it helped us any hah!), and a women who was pushing a stroller, walked up to me and put her arm in mine, and whispered “please walk with me”
She discreetly pointed to a pretty sketchy looking dude down the alley. He had been following her for a few blocks.
She told me she’s seen him before and she’s very worried he wanted her purse (or worse). So I walked her to the Starbucks two blocks down where she was meeting a group of friends. The guy stopped following when he saw she was with a dude. I’m not huge by any means but I’m 6’1” so at least there’s that.
I was just so glad it worked. Poor woman … can’t imagine that fear—especially when you’ve got a newborn with you.
HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
Size can make a difference, but it's attitude that helps. Dude-itude! :-)
#20
Happened to me before, I replied "okay, roll with it"
"hi sweetheart you're late as always!" put my arm over, feigned a kiss, held her hand and walked her home. Creeper followed us the entire way so we carried on walking until we got to a house of a friend of hers, went in had coffee and waited for the utter wierdo to leave. Made some good friend that night though
#21
A version of this actually happened to me. I was in a bar with my sister waiting on a table for dinner and two girls near us were being bothered by a somewhat drunk guy. My sister asked me to intervene so I went over and pretended to be an old friend for high school, luckily they picked up on it pretty quick and I situated myself in between them and the drunk guy and eventually he left. I ended up dating one of them for a few years and we are still good friend to this day.
KombatBunni 2 years ago
I rescued a friend from being harrassed in a club by pretending to be her girlfriend, but the guy wasn’t getting the hint so told him to get lost or I’d call security. His mates found him and told him not to bother girls again and took him away. Must have been a serial offender, but I was ready to kick ass if he came back
#22
I had this happen at a local mall so I said, "Okay." So we walked into the jewelry store that was close by and stood on the side of the counter that allowed us to face the mall so we could watch who walked by. While we pretended to look at jewelry, I asked her to describe the guy that was following her and I looked up and noticed him wandering in front of the store. Employee came over and asked what we were looking for and I quietly told the employee what was going on and she was nice enough to go along with us while texting her boss. Within a few minutes, the local PD showed up and when he noticed them, he took off.
#23
Took a huge chance at a bar but it ended up working out.
I noticed a girl sitting by herself getting her ear talked off by a guy much older then her sitting at a bar stool next to her. He was clearly hammered, slurring, leaning in, really using his hands to talk, etc. She mainly stared straight ahead or down at her drink when she responded and it was usually one or two words.
Don’t know where I got the courage from, because this easily could have back fired, but I slid my body perpendicular between them, with my back facing him and myself facing her and asked her a generic question that indicated I might know her, I can’t recall the specifics but it was something like “hey are you Julie? From Kevin’s party? No way! How are you?”
With in 30 seconds he was gone. I asked her if she was good, stuck around to finish my drink and make sure she was ok, and left.
#24
This actually happened to me in the autumn. A girl sat next to me on the train becouse a creep was following her.
It was funny becouse I think I look like a creep.
#25
I had a girl do this at a concert. She walked up to me hugged me and said something like pretend to be my boyfriend some guy is being creepy. We talked about the show for a little while I kept an eye on the guy until he walked away. She thanked me and went to find her friends.
I'd do it again.
#26
Personally, have only had this happen once, and she immediately turned into my sister the moment I heard "I'm being followed." I was near a group of friends and put my arm around her shoulders and loudly said to my friend group hey guy this is my sister. They knew she wasn't but understood something was up so the joined in. We started walking around as it was at a county fair, and lead her to the safety office where EMTs, LEOs and the Fire department stationed up for the week. As this took place before cellphones outside of Nokia was widely available.
#27
Had this happen to me too, girl was walking home and passed me on the street but stopped just after walking passed and started talking to me like she knew me, I looked down the road and saw some guy just stop dead in his tracks. I asked her if she was okay (quietly) and she nodded and asked if he was still coming, he was just standing there like a weirdo. I asked her if she wanted me to close to home (didn't wanna seem like a creep myself). She said yes so I walked her down the road from her house and said goodnight, wasn't too far from where we were tbh but the guy quickly left when we started walking together.
She was nice I guess, bit too chatty tbh but probably just nervous as I look a bit intimidating myself (crazy eyes lol) but i guess she didn't have much of a choice. It's pretty frustrating knowing women have to deal with this kind of s**t tbh.
Sinkvenice 2 years ago
She was a "bit too chatty tbh"? She was being followed by a creepy dude and was freaked out to the extent where she had to ask a stranger to pretend they knew each other to make the creep go away. What an odd detail to make a point of mentioning.
#28
Happened to me a few years back at a bar, random girl walked up to me and said “omg I haven’t see you since high school” and had the scared to s**t look in her eyes, saw the dude standing right behind her, we made conversation for a while and I asked who her friend was she said “oh idk what was your name again?” Then he introduced himself as her boyfriend, so we kept talking she bought me a drink and after about an hour the guy finally just walked away
She thanks me profusely and told me the guy had followed her to the bathroom, I told her nbd and she ended up buying me a drink for a while before she her friends got there
Hands down the best impromptu job of making conversation and playing like we knew each other for years I’ve ever experienced…our improv game was on point
Ruth Watry 2 years ago
Women need to be taught (in a situation where others are around) to shout as loud as they can "leave me the f**k alone"
#29
I've been in this situation before. She sat down next to me at the bar and started talking like we were old friends. I was confused at first, but then noticed she kept looking over my shoulder and figured it out pretty quick. We talked for a few minutes before she visibly relaxed and informed me what was going on. Dude was being super aggressive with her at another bar and she left, but he followed her, so she ducked into this one to get away, but he followed her in. He came back about 10 minutes later, but by that time the rest of the guys from my platoon and some townies we were friends with were around and I had briefed them on the situation. When they walked in, about a quarter of the bar turned to stare at them and they quickly left.
And then everyone clapped.
#30
This is how I got robbed in Arizona. Some girl approached me saying she was being followed. I told her to get behind me and next thing I know i felt cold steel on my neck and two men came out of nowhere.
What do you think ?
Mad Mar 2 years ago
Went out with friends to a dance club. Got sorta pulled away and they were on the other side of the club. Some guy bought me a drink. I didn't want it as I just finished one an was on a water drink that looked like a cocktail. He kept saying he wanted to dance. I said ok. But then he didn't want to dance. He said drink the drink. I said after I finish what I have. I was searching for my friends. Saw a huge guy against a wall over his shoulder and said I have to go. I hadn't taken his drink he got for me. I went up to the big dude and said "hey Dave nice seeing you here"! I leaned in an said "pretend your my bro please"! Big dude gave me a bear hug an said "what's up sis?!!" I said oh I lost the girls in here. Can u see since ur tall? Ha ha we joking an weirdo comes by w the drink again trying to put it in my hand. I said "Dave I think he's trying to give me a spiked drink". The weirdo runs off, Big dude helped me find my friends. An we got weirdo booted from the club.
Jo Choto 2 years ago
Anybody can do this, not just big men. I was leaving a store with my mother and daughter. Couldn't help noticing a pregnant woman with several bags in the lobby looking very distressed. My alarm bells went off, so I held back to talk to her. Turned out she was trying to get to the local women's shelter, but her abusive ex was waiting outside to force her to go with him. Got my mother and daughter to drive round to the entrance in the car. As I was getting her and her stuff in her car, the guy came up and started yelling. He was a BIG guy. I faced off against him and yelled really loudly for him to back off and go away. He was trying to find out who I was. I told him, "You don't want to find out, buddy. Get gone, now." He did, fortunately. I had been to the shelter myself, so knew where it was (they are often in secret locations for obvious reasons). Hope Mary and her kid are doing well.
Zedrapazia 2 years ago
These guys helping women to fend off creeps are true heroes! I feel a little sorry though that these creeps won't accept a no from a girl unless another man was enforcing it.
Mad Mar 2 years ago
Went out with friends to a dance club. Got sorta pulled away and they were on the other side of the club. Some guy bought me a drink. I didn't want it as I just finished one an was on a water drink that looked like a cocktail. He kept saying he wanted to dance. I said ok. But then he didn't want to dance. He said drink the drink. I said after I finish what I have. I was searching for my friends. Saw a huge guy against a wall over his shoulder and said I have to go. I hadn't taken his drink he got for me. I went up to the big dude and said "hey Dave nice seeing you here"! I leaned in an said "pretend your my bro please"! Big dude gave me a bear hug an said "what's up sis?!!" I said oh I lost the girls in here. Can u see since ur tall? Ha ha we joking an weirdo comes by w the drink again trying to put it in my hand. I said "Dave I think he's trying to give me a spiked drink". The weirdo runs off, Big dude helped me find my friends. An we got weirdo booted from the club.
Jo Choto 2 years ago
Anybody can do this, not just big men. I was leaving a store with my mother and daughter. Couldn't help noticing a pregnant woman with several bags in the lobby looking very distressed. My alarm bells went off, so I held back to talk to her. Turned out she was trying to get to the local women's shelter, but her abusive ex was waiting outside to force her to go with him. Got my mother and daughter to drive round to the entrance in the car. As I was getting her and her stuff in her car, the guy came up and started yelling. He was a BIG guy. I faced off against him and yelled really loudly for him to back off and go away. He was trying to find out who I was. I told him, "You don't want to find out, buddy. Get gone, now." He did, fortunately. I had been to the shelter myself, so knew where it was (they are often in secret locations for obvious reasons). Hope Mary and her kid are doing well.
Zedrapazia 2 years ago
These guys helping women to fend off creeps are true heroes! I feel a little sorry though that these creeps won't accept a no from a girl unless another man was enforcing it.
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