“Men Writing Women”: This Online Group Exposes Clueless Male Authors Who Know Nothing About Women (35 Pics)
Reading a piece of fiction is like an invitation to escape the immediate world and immerse yourself in fantasy. You’re expected to put your disbeliefs aside and blot out any distractions to fully experience the story. But some passages in those same books are so blatantly disrespectful and hilariously inaccurate that they can leave half of the population straight-up rolling their eyes. You guessed it, we’re talking about male authors portraying female characters and missing the mark by a long, long shot.
Some male writers are notorious for describing women as one-dimensional beings in unrealistic, often sexualized, and very unnecessary detail. So let us introduce you to the 'Men Writing Women' online community dedicated to busting such examples. This corner over on Reddit has simply had enough of "how men who create films, books, TV, and graphic novels characterize women," and pokes fun at their clueless endeavors.
Dedicated bookworms from all over the world have been sharing their equally ludicrous and infuriating findings. We’ve gone through the subreddit and gathered some of the best examples to share with you all. So continue scrolling to witness just how little some men know about women, as well as to read our in-depth interview with writer, developmental editor, and book coach Trisha Loehr. If you can handle even more examples of women being depicted in baffling ways, check out Part 1 of this feature right here.
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Hardly A Coincidence
Cause those family values often include beating his pregnant wife on the front porch for not getting the casserole done b4 he got done screwing her sister after her in those tiny shorts
Except the ones that are not. Heck, one very popular female artist had a very popular song that is either about suicide, or running away from her life to be free. Others sing about love, family, kids, etc... That being said... Earl deserved what he received!
I laugh my butt off at this song by Carrie Underwood “ … I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive Carved my name into his leather seats I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights I slashed a hole in all four tires Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats!”
I wonder if a male country singer would get support if he sung about destroying his cheating wife's car. I bet people would just say "with a personality like that, no wonder she cheated". Yet they don't say that about women who destroy their partner's property.
Load More Replies...Yeah … when I hear the words “make you” & “bear my children” spilling out of a man’s face-hole, I’m not surprised that female country singers want to sing about the death of those “husbands”. It’s too late in the century for all the sexist BS; expecting women to willingly breed with him, cook his meals & keep a tidy home for him (all whilst this type of man sits around drinking beer/smoking, watching TV, refusing to do his share of chores by claiming it’s “woman’s work” & not even acknowledging the good amount of work she’s done … or he’ll just beat the ever-loving cräp out of her & sometimes even the kids, too). Can’t blame these women for being bitter. 😕🤷♀️
This Is Honestly Worse Than The Average Post Here
Well, some people still cling to the falsity that Trump won in 2020. A well known US Politician once stated that a pregnancy can not come from a rape, because a woman's body "knows" and will reject the unwanted semen. Heck...a shocking number of people around the world still think the planet is flat like a sheet of paper! (I've spoken myself with one person that thought the standard Mercator projection wall map was a 100% accurate representation of the planet - although, this person was aware that the planet is not flat!)
We now know that the author of this post has never seen a vagina. 😂
Sad to say but a lot of men didn’t have sexual education in health class or else they’d know better.
Tumblr Already Knows
That's not enough for a motive. He hasn't even mentioned her breasts yet.
That's plenty motive. Describing s**t like that is motive as it speaks volumes of his underlying douchebaggery and it could be more than enough to set someone off in anger and frustration. He'll, I want to stab him for that description
Load More Replies...They're missing the whole other paragraph of the itnernal turmoil he's read in her oh so expressive eyes.
The phrase "written by a man" has gained traction on the internet over the last few years, with increasingly more people taking notice of men describing female characters through the male gaze, and no longer buying into it. The 'Men Writing Women' project started back in 2017 and has amassed nearly 530k devoted members eagerly waiting for new posts to grace their feeds. With the tagline, "She breasted boobily down the stairs," this online community has set out on a mission to bust the sexist and often downright creepy quotes from published work by men.
Of course, certain writers do their research and don’t shy away from asking female friends for advice. "There are many phenomenal male authors out there who write women characters well and give them quality storylines," writer Trisha Loehr told Bored Panda. "Unfortunately, there are many male authors who intentionally or unintentionally do the opposite."
Sir Please, I'm Just Trying To Do My Job
Do you know of a more romantic vegetable than turnip? I sure can't think of any!
Load More Replies...Give him a banana and let him decide.
Load More Replies...Popping up like meerkats? My breasts immediately death flop when released from a bra, like they were shot! It’s like a double homicide every day.
Mine look like old National Geographic tits. And I respect those tribal women more now than ever.
Load More Replies...Buttery Brioche rolls? Turnip-red? Is this guy trying to write a romance novel or a new type of cook book written in code?
I don't think this "author" has ever seen a turnip, let alone a flesh-and-blood human woman.
The Kind Of Thing That Gets Your Blood Boiling
There was an Olympic swimmer who won gold and the headline was football players wife wins gold
I remember that. I didn’t know who the football player was, probably as most people do, who aren’t into that sport. So treat her like any other Olympian!
Load More Replies...Well she's still in the process of making it... she hasn't quite got there yet.
Apparently he is an actor/comedian. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.J._Miller
Load More Replies...Pretty sure she's a person in her own right, but apparently not.
Curious What It Looked Like When She Walked In
It's "City of ANGELS" not "City of Biblically Accurate Angels"
Load More Replies...Sounds like the Garrett P.I. series (Glen Cook)... a film noir-esque detective in a fantasy world... Orcs, Elves...mobsters... that kinda thing.
Load More Replies...…she had stitched them all together to make a cloak which she wore around her shoulders. A cloak of the legs of her victims hanging all down her back.
Either you just met a psychopath carrying legs around, or you met some eldritch thing walking like a damn centipede.
Loehr, a writer and developmental editor based in Calgary, Canada, has made a career out of helping authors of many genres, including fiction and nonfiction, to craft better stories to bring joy to their readers. She pointed out that male writers often fail to create realistic and rounded portrayals of women in their work due to internalized misogyny from living in such a deeply patriarchal society.
"I am speaking here from a Western, North American perspective, and as a white woman," she added. "Our Western culture is full of imagery and other content that is rampant with both misogynistic ideas that tell people that women are sexual objects to be used, silly and not as intelligent or strong as men, and not quite as valuable as men and thus who need to be guided by the men around them."
Sadly, many people wholeheartedly believe these falsehoods, Loehr stated. "Many don't think they do, but have internalized a lot of these ideas. And thus, it often comes out in writing. Again, this can be intentional or unintentional."
I Know It Isn’t Sunday But I Have Zero Patience Or Memory
As a friend once said to me, "I don't mumble swearwords under my breath, I enunciate them clearly like a ****ing lady!"
Pedantry police saith that "f**k" isn't a curse word, just a vulgarism. "Damn" is a curse word.
BoredPanda’s censorship team is failing! Hah hah, they censored a*s yet I was shocked that they did not censor clit.
Load More Replies...All you vivy readers, Kakitani Yui in the fourth book has zero filter whatsoever
I learned a really valuable phrase from my father, "Go f**k yourself".
Golden Skin Shimmering In The Summer Sun
To be honest, crying in my car eating chicken is a habit I frequently engage in
Apparently when a male sees any female they think of food. Wonder what food I would be described as. She walked by me, fat bottom, large stomach. Her thighs reminded me of Kentucky fried chicken. Her breasts like a bowl of mashed potatoes. Her face, like a breeze of fried pancetta fell on.
I've never cried in my car and ate chicken before, but somehow it feels right.
Reading George R R Martin
Why is that so common? Why do so many men want to sexualize children? I really don't get it! I get the whole power structure-thing, that a child/young woman is easier to control but I really can't understand the sexual appeal.
The whole "who's your daddy" thing icks me out. How is that sexy? And the school girl outfits. Eew! Pervs.
Load More Replies...Some male (and probably some female) authors need to learn to stop sexualizing little girls or just underage people in general. It's just weird.
I'm more disturbed, or rather, sickened, at the fact the author describes this as a 14 year old.
also shouldn’t those authors be on some sort of watch list 🤨
Load More Replies...Her vagina was like a giant slice of pineapple. Just how I like my Hawaiian pizzas. Goodness sake.
Her panties were like garlic bread. Warm, crunchy and with a faint musty stench.
Load More Replies...This apparent inability of many men to write female personalities who are complex and have solid backgrounds of their own is often regarded as lapses in the authors' judgment. Although this doesn’t take away the fact of how damaging these far-fetched depictions can be. The superficial characters they create often lack depth and seem to be put into the story only to move it forward. Moreover, the way men write about a woman’s body and appearance is often alarming. Females become reduced to their physical attributes in an objectifying and condescending manner.
All of this can have alarmingly dire consequences. When the amount of male authors falling for this pattern exponentially increases, other men (and even young boys) can begin buying into these unrealistic portrayals of the opposite sex.
The Artist
Well I was afraid this was getting a bit too lyrical, but the last sentence settled it.
Thanks for pointing it out - I gave up halfway through and almost missed this gem!
Load More Replies...Ugh... I hate it when male authors do this. And I'm not even a woman!
I hate it too (cuz I'm a woman so... You know why).
Load More Replies...Sarcasm And Accuracy Ftw
My boobs are raging against the machine and I’m not sure how to handle it. Good luck to me I guess.
Load More Replies...To be fair my boobies are often hungry when I eat. Not in a sexy way though.
Load More Replies...maybe women should start writing out the feelings of the male characters balls. "His balls were getting testy."
Oh, so that's why we're so much more emotional than men! /s
Load More Replies...That needs to be checked out right away.
Load More Replies...Yes, kudos to all these feminist authors who made boobs, much more than body parts or sexual objects, real and strong characters with vivid emotions.
Now I know what's wrong with me: I never listened to my boobs' thoughts.
I Mean It Kinda Counts
"Possibly from Quebec or America" Might be the most accurate part of the picture Edit: If it's fake then nevermind
I'm NonBinary but afab. But the "mentally unsound" part is probably pretty correct in my case.
Load More Replies...Them American girls with tattoos is bad news. (And is it just me or does that sound like the opening line to a country music song?)
American Woman, stay away from me! American Woman, mama let me be!
Load More Replies...Just for those who don't know, it's a joke, Canadian naughty humour. Don't get your knickers in a twist. Do people really believe that our rugged Mounties have soggy noodles? Never. 🍁
Where in the hell do they get archaic ideas from? So does that mean women should stay away from who have tattoos? Well there goes my handsome Navy sailor then. Lol
No, it's saying that men should stay away from women with tattoos, because they are probably "syphilic, mentally unsound," and just bad overall
Load More Replies...As far as I know, people from Canada don't tend to call the states America
Writer Loehr agreed with this line of thinking. "The content we consume impacts our understanding of the world. If the only books/comics that a man consumes present women as manipulative, big-boobed sex objects, that's what they will assume most women are."
"If all they read is books where women are used as fodder for a man's progression up the social or career ladder, then that's what they will see the purpose of the women around them as. If the female characters in the books they read always flirt back and immediately fall into bed with the hero of the story, they may assume that women should do the same for them," she added.
Mission Completed
Hello male writer. Before you is a typewriter. You have one day to write a novella that doesn't focus sexually on a females body. The timer begins now.
"The protagonist makes key decisions that affect the plot, primarily influencing the story and propelling it forward" The woman doesn't sound like the protagonist in that story, he is.
This ‘Author’ Of His Own Effed Up Narrative
That's awful, I would NEVER treat a woman like that, or anyone else!!
i don't think that's how he means it, i don't see my exes as having preyed on me (I'm AFAB nonbinary but I'm mentally ill so)
Load More Replies...I think he's just watched too many movies with the oh so lovely trope of manic pixie dream girls
Load More Replies...I have a thing for intelligent, mentally stable men who understand they can’t possibly own another human being. .. but then I’ve always been into fantasy.
My issue is using "pretty girls." Did he think she was going to swoon over him because he called her pretty? Or was that to lessen the sting of the backhanded compliment he thought he was giving her. And FFS, girls are children. Men, stop referring to a grown female as a girl.
I Know This Is Satire But I Really Wouldn’t Put It Past Some Of The Authors We See On Here
It's early here, not a morning person and you made me Google. Now I'm thinking of ways to jiggle my boobs neurodivergently 🤣
Her hips wiggled with the fastidiousness of a newly employed carpenter.
Thankfully, Loehr was kind enough to lend struggling male authors a helping hand and offered suggestions on how they could become better at building female characters. "Read books by women authors. Read books by non-binary authors. Read books that center on female characters. Read books in your genre and outside of your genre."
"Think deeply about every female character you include in your stories: Do they have a character arc? Do they have dialogue on the page that is not about the male characters? Are they full-rounded characters with a backstory, goals, etc.?" She also advised men to find female beta readers to get feedback on their characters: "Listen to what they tell you, thank them, and pay them for their time and expertise."
After Venturing Back And Forth Through This Subreddit, I'd Say This One Isn't Exactly Surprising
Jazz cafe? Could've been worse, I read it as jizz cafe - which will forever more be in my vocabulary
Wait a second. How do I get the cafe and music features? Are they separate entities or niche groups? Also, can you change it up? Like what is one day I'm in the mood to be a throbbing jazz Cafe and the next in in the mood to be a thrashing metal gig in a open field?
You can always enter the Hotel Chocolat on an evening
Load More Replies...I misread this as "jizz cafe". So yeah this could have been written worse.
Women's Insides Are A Maze, Apparently
Women actually have a shorter urethra, men however often have trouble peeing later in life because of their enlarged prostate pressing against their urethra.
Some people (both men and women) still think that women urinate out of their vaginas. Spoiler: we don´t.
Some people (both men and women[That's my opinion]) are a little, just "a little", stupid. Spoiler:not just a little.
Load More Replies...You gotta admit, it's pretty enviable to be able to "write" your name in the snow.
Load More Replies...Clearly they've never experienced that increasing panic when unlocking your front door and suddenly you go from needing to pee to about to p**s yourself and you run down the hall to the toilet taking your jeans off as you go pretty much already peeing as your taking a seat - the pee must find a shortcut through the labyrinth in such instances. And after 4 kids trampolines definitely create a shortcut too
Ironically us girls actually have a harder time holding it in because we mostly use gravity to drop our pee while men have to do a bit of pushing. Or so I was told in highschool health class, anyway.
So... a straight hose of half the length it was before, is suddenly a labyrinth?
Remind me again why we don't teach basic goddamn ANATOMY in schools? Oh right, because "boys might get funny ideas". Hate to tell you this, paranoid parents who apparently were never teenagers somehow and never noticed that boys don't need anatomy lessons to "get funny ideas", but denying basic sex ed is doing WAY more damage...
they do. these are the idiotswho decide to not pay attention/ignore it
Load More Replies...I'm sorry but .."transitioned into a biological woman"? You can't change your bio sex...I wish people would stop confusing sex and gender.
Seriously? He was CLEARLY being tongue-in-cheek...c'mon people!
Load More Replies...My wife is more the “thunderous” one in our house. (Yes, her peeing. It’s not a metaphor).
Eh? When they transitioned to a woman, the water works would've been the same "maze" they were before but an inch or two shorter...
“How To Cure A Feminist”, Published In The Maxim Magazine
If my partner ever uttered that I, a man, completes her, I’d faint, once I came round I’d be seeking some sort of therapy with her. We are a complete couple but neither of us was ‘incomplete’ when we met. I didn’t think women NEEDED men in 2003 and I don’t now.
“Turn an unshaven, militant, protesting vegan into an actual girl!” is such a hateful (and weird?) way to try to describe a woman, and kind of makes me worry about the OP. (“Unshaven?” Men don’t usually shave their bodies and seem to be surviving just fine, but I shall probably burst into flames the instant I’m not sexually attractive to a single observing male? Give me a break, I’m too busy for this. Lmk when the men figure out what their problem is with us. Must be nice to not have to be expected any body hair or be expected to weir makeup and style your hair and get made fun of if you don’t, yeah tell me again why feminism is such garbage and sooo annoyyingggg to youuuuu personallyyyyy 🙄 would love to show up to work with fully hairy legs but the same guys telling me “feminism is the worst thing to ever happen to women” are the guys telling me “ew I hate seeing a woman with armpit hair” so wtf kind of timeline are we even living in
Load More Replies...The fact that “vegan” is included as criteria for a feminist is insane. My piano teacher is vegan. He is male. Idk why this vegan thing is even included at all.
Testicles: yes. Penises?: just going to be a lot sexually frustrated world leaders, which would quickly lead to WW3.
Load More Replies...I really hope this is a parody. And I suspect that it is tragically not.
Nope, they actually were telling men to flat out lie to women...as GOOD, unironic advice. And then wonder why divorce rate is steadily climbing....
Load More Replies...Why is the feminist pictured as a loser wannabe gangster man? Most women are feminists, and if they're not than they're religious zealots
We’ve long heard that the best writers should be well-read. Reading allows us to expand our mental horizons and become more educated and well-rounded human beings. Finding ourselves in that middle ground of leaving and yet staying in our sphere also offers us fresh insight into the world and even our inner selves.
"Read widely in and around your genre. Read books by authors of all races, backgrounds, gender identities, and sexualities. Read new books and backlist books. When writing a book, think about what your point is. Why are you writing this particular story with this particular protagonist? What message do you want your readers to come away from your book thinking about? Everything in your story needs to support that," Loehr advised.
The Wheel Of Time: The Dragon Reborn, By Robert Jordan. A Map Of The City Of The Aes Sedai, An Organization Of Powerful Female Sorcerers. Yup
Some men build penis shaped towers and drive pens shaped cars so is it really any suprise that they think that's what a woman's city would look like.
Jordan was a historian. Much of his work incorporates historical culture or places that exist. I strongly doubt that Tar Valon (pictured) has anything to do with a vagina. There are 13 books in that series, of which he wrote 9 or 10 before he died. Each book averages 800 pages. Not once did he get explicit about sex or overly describe the female body.
That one is rather stupid: what else is an island in the middle of a river supposed to look like?
Special permission needed to enter at Northharbour
Load More Replies...Oh good! A map to help those men who don't know their way around! Now just get this into Google Maps, and BINGO.
Of Course, We Don't Get Real Pockets In Our Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!
Tell me the author is male and never had intercourse with a woman, without telling me
Credit card sized, without either lubricant *or* stimulation, presumably... I think most women's reaction wouldn't be "ouch" so much as "Yaaaaaarrrrrghhh ow ow ow ow OW getitout getitout!" At least that would be mine!
Load More Replies...I don't think a credit card would fit up my hoo hah, let alone in a purse wtf hahaha
Oh it'll fit but you don't want to go shoving stuff that size up there just for the convenience of being hands free. Kins are one thing but this is just 🤮 writing
Load More Replies...I thought that publishers would read the book before publishing it! Does this mean that there was no woman anywhere in the process and that all involved men believe women can fit their driving license casually in their vagina?
And, why would you? For gods sake where are you going that you feel the need to smuggle your driver's license? How do you plan to retrieve it when needed? I can't even-
Load More Replies...My favorite part is the complete lack of reaction on the part of the responding character, as if they're always finding people's driver's licenses stored inside their genitals, like it's just one of those common autopsy findings. NBD. Whereas any sane human would hear that information and be like, "I'm sorry, WHAT did you just say? I'm gonna need you to repeat that. Because I cannot possibly be understanding correctly that this lady was using her vagina as a glove compartment."
What... How... Why were they ever in a position where they found that out?
ME is Medical Examiner, so she was apparently dead. Which makes the last line confusing, so it matches the redt of that insanity
Load More Replies...Old Advertisements That Didn't Age Well
The top photo (ad) is disgusting. Sorry, I have no words to describe how that made me feel. Eeeew
Seriously! I get that the second one is a sign of times, but when was it ever okay to make something like the first one?!
Load More Replies...Oh that is so sad, I actually remember these ads. Flipping thru magazines and seeing the Love’s Baby soft ad was just so wrong in every way in so many ways…
Same here! These were in my Young Miss magazines when I was the age of the person in the ad. The worst part is that I was an adult before it occurred to me that there was a problem with it, and the cultural norm at the time was that it was flattering to receive male attention
Load More Replies...'Now the mistress of the house can go right ahead with those girlhood dreams ─ planning lovely meals for her man'. Yikes
And getting it in the a*s from your new husband in the kitchen.....
Load More Replies...Susscessful marriages start in the kitchen - only if you like starting some 4 play in that room
That Love's Baby Soft ad has nothing on a commercial it aired in the Seventies. Potential trigger warning; you won't be able to unsee. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7IP5SV6GqQ&ab_channel=robatsea2009
Freaky. That's my comment on there from 11 years ago, lol! I stand by it: "I well remember being creeped out by this whole campaign back in the day (I was 11) and it's still nasty *shudder* Only a couple of years before 13-year-old (but made to look younger) Brooke Shields took it all to another level in 'Pretty Baby'."
Load More Replies...Why did u make me notice?...Well, that will haunt me forever too now...
Load More Replies...Most of us have encountered pieces of prose, movies, or TV shows where the male author has written about women poorly, to put it gently. At the same time, we have spent many years of our lives overlooking or unconsciously ignoring it because we submerge ourselves and devour the plot of the story. Luckily, many women are starting to see what’s been right in front of them all along, and they’re not staying silent.
The 'Men Writing Women' subreddit has inspired many book-lovers to seek justice and have discussions around the misogynistic breadcrumbs scattered all over our favorite and most lauded pieces of writing. One spin-off project, the 'Men Write Women' Twitter account, was created as a more condensed version of the online group on Reddit. "Women just want to be written as human. That's it," Meghan Vondriska, an advertising social strategist and founder of the page, told Bored Panda in a previous interview.
Haven't You Ever Shut Your Vagina In Rage? Ways Of Going Home By Alejandro Zambra
All of these are such cringe I don’t know if I’m having fun anymore.
Load More Replies..."Vagina Dentata....what a wonderful phrase." "Vagina Dentata, ain't no passin' craze!"
Load More Replies..."William Todd Akin (July 5, 1947 – October 3, 2021) was an American politician who served as the U.S. representative for Missouri's 2nd congressional district from 2001 to 2013. He was a member of the Republican Party." "...women who are victims of what he called "legitimate rape" rarely get pregnant."
"Legitimate rape" is an oxymoron. Nor does a female's body "shut down" during sexual assault. People who don't understand basic human biology shouldn't be making laws.
Load More Replies..."And to this day, she won't let me retrieve my d**k that is still stuck inside. Oh, the pain".
I never considered plastic surgery until the ejecto-vag came out.
I think life for women would have been a lot better in general if they had the ability to bear trap a man’s junk.
When I argue with girlfriends my penis completely detaches and runs into another room.
I... Have No Words
Oh, new idea for an Etsy store! Beard beads are a thing of the past, get your pube beads and jazz up you va-jay-jay!
Load More Replies...Ok this is giving me some crazy imagery and it's scary. When does it sprout teeth and start snarling?
.... I'm trying so hard to envision ANY female genitalia looking like a mushroom between two trees.....(?!).........
Artificial Intelligences have yet to master the art of describing women.
Ah Yes, The Good Ol' Death By "Letter-Reading Fits"
To be fair, I've once died from mmmf . It's a real issue. #MmfIsNotAJoke
Can you imagine? Add those flirtation headaches on with having chestnut hair that is also beautiful...and a poor woman didn't stand a chance!
Load More Replies...Great Auntie Gertrude survived The Unpleasantness of 1886 and said “it was absolutely ghastly”
I now want to read all the books these happen in. Also mmmf? That has a specific meaning that I am not going to admit to knowing. The internet has ruined me. Does this refer to something else?
Isn’t it amazing that a hundred years ago women were diagnosed with “hysteria” due to the female reproductive system making her crazy? That one kills me every time. Lol
To be fair my reproductive system used to make me crazy. F**k you endometriosis.
Load More Replies...Well those reasons are literally bonkers... okay maybe the one of haven't seen the sea in a long time is not. Yep I think I can relate to this. The others? A big no! (Edit: spelling of the word sea)
Careful - saying No! too loudly - could cause 💀
Load More Replies...You laugh, but my Great-Aunt Gladys died of River Unhappiness. Nasty business.
My favourites: missing slippers, going outside at night in Italy (what?), Both too many and not enough pillows, Someone said "No" very loudly while they were in the room, Pony exhaustion (da hell?), Sherry served too cold, Spent more than a month in London after growing up in Yorkshire (specifically Yorkshire or..?), River headaches, General bummers, Mmmf (?????), Parents too happy, and The Unpleasantness.
I don't know where the others came from but I think the going outside at night in Italy is from Daisy Miller by Henry James, published in the late 19th century. Nominally it causes the title character to die of malaria, but I remember it being rather unbelievable when I read the book.
Load More Replies...Behold, My Brother’s Twitter
your brother has some issues... WHERE IS THE UNSEE JUICE?? I NEED IT
Reader, have you cupped every size of balls in your hands? From the tiniest, miniscule hard pebbles, to the most swollen, hanging warm baggies, we can traverse the tapestry of the lush land of Balls.
Idk why, but my brain read the bosom line as “I have traversed the tapestry of the lush land of Boston” and, I was really confused. It’s 3 am also and I’m tired.
We. But just think, in 15 years this little snippet will still be floating around the internet.
Yeah, they were bottle fed sand mixed with alcohol.
Load More Replies..."Cupped" that's all I need to know, I don't have to read further.
Sparkling boobs sounds like something to take to a dermatologist...quickly.
Unless there's glitter involved or the boobs belong to a twilight vampire...
Load More Replies...Whats the obsession with breasts? Its skin and muscle. Not pebbles or pillows
I'm Looking At You Stephen King, You Big Virgin
*they BOUCILY jiggled...like the homemade jelly she spent the afternoon whipping up for her rugged, hard-working husband who worked ruggedly hard.
Load More Replies...The first thing I always do when I see a ghost, is grab my titties to protect them from those pervy spirits.
Imagine if we only described men by what we wanted to do to them/ how we fantasized them to be. “His voice sounded like someone smart had slapped it out of him, and his junk departed his body so he was left with a much more symmetrical expanse of hairless nothing that smelled like lavender, rather than his usual “goat yard after a chili eating orgy” funk.
What books are these from? Always curious about undocumented quotations. Might believe the first two paragraphs, but the third and fourth?
Either they both exorcise the house, or they both get round housed down the stairs, come on now
Don't Your Boobs Roll Like Your Eyes? [ It's Kind Of A Funny Story- Ned Vizzini]
...elementary biology, physics, and co-ed gym class too!
Load More Replies...He was married to a woman he loved and had they had a child together. He was also an award winning writer - this is taken out of context. In the book it makes sense - it's meant to poke fun at himself, be satirical and sarcastic.
Load More Replies...Is this yet another boob feature I've been unaware of? How do I unlock boob roll? And does it automatically sync with eye roll or do I have to signal boob roll every time I eye roll? Also, can I boob roll without eye roll?
I'm getting so tired of rolling my eyes at things, rolling my boobs would be a nice change
Load More Replies..."Girls' breasts are so amazing"... So I've heard(said the author). Because I've never seen any. Nor touched any. To think of it: I've never been in a proximity of 2 meters of any (He drops his pen and starts sobbing uncontrollably)
Vondriska pointed out that a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the "founders of the literary canon" are continuous offenders. "John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive," she added.
"Pay attention to what you're reading, and who you're reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn't made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school doesn't mean it's good!"
Sorry If This Is A Repost
Later the female character was described as being "spunky" and "not like other girls".
Nah, they just transitioned straight to "B***h," because she was acting "masculinly," and asserting herself.
Load More Replies...Okay do I actually have a question about this. In one of my books the main character is a little sexist for a bit and he has to team up with a girl. If the girl were to tell him something like that (obviously not those words, but you get what I mean), would that be bad writing the stuff on this list? It's not like the guy would become attracted to her or vice versa. I'm just worried because I don't want my writing to be like these people's writing.
Well you can have some females read the part you write and get feedback for honesty. It's a tough call to make outright because you need to make sure the descriptive are necessary and that they fit
Load More Replies...I have legitimately never spoken in that fashion in my life
Load More Replies...Ovaries Just Shooting Around All Willy-Nilly, Controlling Our Decisions. Thanks Michael Robotham, Very Cool. From “When You Were Mine”
If your ovaries jiggle, act as mood detectors/rings, show sentient thought, it´s time to see a doctor.
One time one of my ovaries got hit (don't ask) and it was excruciatingly painful - jiggling around would hurt so much
Hey Boreddd, I hope you don't mind my writing this! I think I remember from another thread you're quite young (14)? This thread was really heavy stuff, even for old pandas 😅 so take your time processing and if anything is confusing, please feel free to ask!
Load More Replies...A Wonderful Description
OK this is funny.. I cracked up, I'm sorry to say! You could say something so bad about either gender, especially working in customer service!
Load More Replies...When you meet a guy like that, the alternative isn't suicide. It's homicide.
From the Rivers of London series - well worth reading. Yes, the main character is a bit of a d**k at times, but it works in the context of the stories.
I think this is hilarious! Based on the other comments, I have a feeling this author writes male descriptors similarly
Thank Goodness For Vitamins…
Drugs, the answer was drugs. Housewives used to have a lot of drug problems at the time.
Yes! In Germany there was this product marketed as a stress relief for women (that is, house wives) which was simply booze, high alcohol content.
Load More Replies...I can almost guarantee those vitamins have some "pep" ingredients that are now illegal...lol
Vitamins? No. Back then it amphetamines, which were much easier to get in those days. They were called pep pills and were just what the doctor ordered for the typical exhausted housewife. And when you were too wired up from the amphetamines, you had medication to calm you down & then medication to help you sleep.
Redditor Thinks Hearing The Engine Of Expensive Cars Can Change Women’s Hormone Levels
"Either I'm having a hot flash, or there's a feckin' Masserati coming up the block" -. Said no woman, ever
Upvote for making me crack up laughing at my computer.
Load More Replies...I can find only one. However, it was conducted by a prestigious (checks notes) car insurance company.
Load More Replies...If by that he means "be annoyed that some idiot thinks revving a car in a one-way street to get attention", then yes.
Is there a word for asexuality when it comes to cars? Because the only requirement I have for cars is that the darned thing isn't going to break apart while I'm getting a ride in it. XD
Herbert Tells Us The Perks Of Small Bust In "Small Busted Women Have Big Hearts"
Because, 1983 (first published date). I can guess that with the media screaming that you had to have a big chest to be a real woman / desirable, someone felt the need to celebrate those who were not large chested?
Load More Replies...Ah yes, that awful threat I feel whenever I see a woman with bigger breasts than mine. How could we possibly be friends?! LMAO
It is IMPOSSIBLE! My friends have to be AT LEAST a "G" cup! How could I relate otherwise?? Also...it is CLEAR that this author is pretty bitter about big breasted women...resentment of rejection, perhaps? This is just....weird as hell.
Load More Replies...WT-absolute-FH is this wankery?? So now I’m selfish and don’t make friends easily?? This must be some sort of poor taste early Viz-style joke.
Don't you know that the only way to build some women up is by tearing down the others? Gotta go now, ask my boss if I got the job because of my larger breasts. I mean, she's straight, but I've just always wondered, you know?
Load More Replies...I wanna know when this was made. If men ever wonder why we can be so uncomfortable around them...this is why. Also this kinda thing happens to all women, no matter the breast size
Well, the book was published in '85, so I'm guessing it's a rip-off of the 1977 song of the same name. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-EazhROsNk
From Logic’s Book “Supermarket”. Yikes
So the author is actually aware that most girls were molested by the time they go to college, and is fine with it. Just the psychological trauma is sooo annoying to deal with.
So... let me get this straight... This girl is defensive as a result of trauma linked to being sexually violated, but she's still at fault?
Well she could be traumatised without inconveniencing him.
Load More Replies...“That kinda chick, you know the type.” Lol. Cause all women fit into one of a few very well defined “types”.
“I Adorbs High Heels” - Goran Parlov
The little jab at gay guys not being real men is what clinched it for me.
It's true, just ask any climber - they all wear high heels! Except the real men, of course.
Not me I just roll my boobs like rotators and fly
Load More Replies...Ordinary shoes are not high-heeled shoes with missing high heels. If high heels were so great, why don't ALL super-heroes wear them, women AND MEN?
Why doesn't spider man wear high heels then? He also climbs walls in a similar manner.
The Good Place, Season 4 Episode 6. This Entire Scene Is A Great Parody On A Man Writing A Woman!
"But her sister's eyes - they were blue as the bluest lake at the foothills of the Blue Mountains."
And her mothers green eyes were as green as the greenest grass.
Load More Replies...As A Man I Can Confirm This Is Absolutely What A Woman Wants
If you are going to haggle you have to start high so it looks like you are willing to give things up.
You know I was with you until the utterly over the top requirements.. I mean pockets? What sort of airhead thinks that pockets in garments are real.
Could you just replace the oxen with meat supply? Like I want it all prebutchered but not the whole supply at once of course because I couldn't possibly eat that much meat at once to prevent spoilage. Also not crazy about the crowns so could I just have the materials of said crowns?
We really just want three of those things and mind blowing orgasms. If you can't give me an orgasm then I want everything else on this list. Poor dude. Probably can't find a woman's clit with a gps.
Oh Let Me Adjust It Real Quick
What is this machismo bull$hit? A design flaw? You’re doing us a favor???!! If a man EVER had the audacity to say something so ignorant about the female anatomy to me like this….Id ask him to plug my vibrator in on his way out.
Good thing that dudes a*s is right under his nose, considering how much sh*t comes out of that particular hole. But that reminds me of a joke I once heard. Why do men snore at night when they lie on their backs? Their testicles block their a*sshole, and the farts have to go somewhere...
No, they're backfiring. Because their nuts block their àssholes, and they get vapor lock. 😁
Load More Replies...Apparently, this particular person does not recognize that his partners are sleeping with one giant a*****e. Very unappealing to be so close to it...
Saw This And Thought It Fit In Here…
He's gone all day a lot of the time and he always brings a large, black duffel bag. I never question where he's been because he always says his work keeps him late.
I Guarantee That's Never Happened
Sadly enough there are a lot of male biologists and doctors that still argue that our orgasms 'Dont have an evolutionary purpose'. Because the idea that women enjoying sex could lead to more reproduction is too difficult for them to comprehend.
Comments like this come from men who have never satisfied a woman in their life.
Load More Replies...Correction... no woman has ever enjoyed sex - with Jeff. I can't imagine why.
He has never been able to make a woman orgasm and to protect his fragile ego he's now attempting to convince people it isn't possible. Pitiful.
Please let this be satire….. Going into labor is not orgasmic, trust women on this one guys.
I would not personally say it's orgasmic (rather the opposite) but women can have orgasms during childbirth. And orgasms can help with the pain. Lots of strange things happens during childbirth, still not necessarily a pleasant experience (I would dare to say that for most it's not).
Load More Replies...“How Will I Introduce This Young Girl Character? What’s Important And Unique About Her? Oh I Know, I’ll Let Everyone Know She Has T**s And Pubes.”
These kind of descriptions make me worry that if pedophilia was not illegal a lot of people would openly molest teenagers and kids. I used to think that it was a uncommon mental issue but now I am not sure.
FEMALE AUTHOR, lol see not only men mess this up Chloe Benjamin the Immortals, hell I remember reading this and thinking how TF did a woman write this.
Unless she lives in a nudist colony... Any of this is valid, how? Even then, there is a level of discomfort that is not required to be introduced. "Starting to blossom into young womanhood." or similar generic introduction would have fine, and probably better received!
Downvoting 'cause it's a gross chick (Chloe Benjamin) and not a gross dude that wrote this nonsense.
"She's 13." Proceeds to sexualize her by describing parts of her body for now reason.
Person By Sam Pink
I like to contradict your assessment! You, @Ranger Kanootse, are indeed an expert!!! No women would ever start to think about such things if not her secret-crush would be that man. At all men: MIND YOU! A GIRL SMILING AT YOU OR BEING NICE DOES NOT EQUAL A CRUSH! Not at all!!! And even lesser/close to none is the chance that she wants to have sex with you, because she smiled that one time at you, while holding her coffee cup, struggling with her headphones and rushed right after you onto the bus while it was raining and you, unnoticed, prevent the bus doors from closing on her!
Load More Replies...She's not thinking about you. She's thinking about what book she needs for science class.
I just asked. Nobody ever thought about having sex with them. Ever. In the history of humanity. Trust me, I asked everyone.
Reposting Bc Was Removed But Hoping Its Allowed Now Since Sundays Is For Satire
"She has eyes," Curtis thought to himself. "But not too many." Well, how many eyes does she have?
Seven, because she's a spider, and Curtis is about to simultaneously have the best and worst night of his life.
Load More Replies...This is one of the funniest things I have ever read and I know funny. It's as if Philip K. D**k was wring for Hustler. (edit) I knew they would censor an authors name but it doesn't seem fair.)
She shoot sex beans in his head??? I have to improve with. a nerfgun and jellybeans till his penis performs ed sheeran songs My vagina is really into guitarplayer, so I hope he really got some impressive skills
Plot twist, this is about alien mating practices and it’s all literal.
How To Introduce A New Female Character, According To Fantasy Author David Gemmell
Like any women on the battlefield is going to do this. Probably knock a few of those f*****s out is what she would do.
The "Final Girl" in Horror films. That is a strong female protagonist. Kick a*s the whole movie and possibly castrate some c********r who tries to f**k her along the way!
“She Had Knockers Like A Wrinkled Pillow”
She had a rear end like a silken princess and I planned to booty call her.
Load More Replies...Okay mine is... "She had curves like a juicy princess and I resolved to hire her" ... GROSS
She had a voice like a middle-aged popsicle and I detested to spar with her.
"She had gams like a wrinkled muffin and I shuddered to grope her." Well, there goes your second date, Jack!
She had jugs like an expensive popsicle and I hungered to marry her.
She had a rear end like a tempestuous pony and I deigned to admire her
"She had a butt like a silken princess, and I dreaded to marry her". Wow, that incredibly sums up my life, is it an oracle or something ?
She had a bust like a shrill popsicle and I longed to teabag her
This Was In The ‘Letters’ Column Of A Forty Year Old Weekly Pop-Rag. Do You Think This Randy Had Fiction Potential?
This reminds me of fake letters in Viz Comics. Not the Manga Viz but the one from Newcastle.
I…some People Shouldn’t Have Kids
This freaks me out. The way this person views girls and women is a worry.
That´s it. Of all the things here, this is the most revolting pile of shite I read.
Reading this I thought Please don't tell me this... "person" has a daughter. Then I reached the last paragraph, and now I'm scared for her.
Nah he uses incel lingo. No way that he has ever touched a woman
Load More Replies...This man is a narcissist and should never be around children. I have never heard of this type of mentality before. Gimme a gun…
Even narcissists are better than this 'thing'. He doesn't deserve to be called a man or human.
Load More Replies...How to tell the world you are an incel without saying you are an incel...
This reads in two ways, firstly he thinks women/girls are literally only for sex - he can't comprehend them as people, and secondly that he's jealous he won't get to f**k his own daughter. This person sounds dangerous
Yes, I’m raising my daughter because she can be a sex object for another man….. FFS I’m not sure I’ve got enough red flags for this one. Who is teaching men to think this way? Sickening.
Careful Women, David Lambert’s Book On Body Language Is On To You
there's no safe way to be around this guy at all, I suppose
Load More Replies...My shoulders look nothing like my breasts - am I doing something wrong?
She's looking for physical contact, so clearly a sexual invitation, duh
Load More Replies...So if you don’t want to look like you’re begging for it, curl up in the foetal position, that’s your only option, that’s what I’m getting from this.
Lying prone on the ground? Clearly an invitation to have sex.
Load More Replies...*yelling at the author, publisher, editor, and everyone else who thought this was all ok* IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU PEOPLE ANYMORE?
Neon sign with arrow pointing at crotch. *Turns light off* meaning: ready for intercourse but playing hard to get. /s With a list like that you simply cant loose.
Dealer's Choice By George Rr Martin. This Character Appears One Other Time In The Whole Book
Martin really has issues. I love Asoiaf (Game of thrones) but I am not sure if I can read it anymore. The detail that he puts in the rape and sexual assault of women and girls in the book makes me sure that he gets aroused writing and imagining it. The men never have "on screen" torture and rape but somehow he feels the need to describe with detail multiple times the rape of a 13yo girl.
It is very interesting to compare how Robin Hobb handles torture and rape. Her characters suffer a lot but she never focuses on the action in itself (she never sexualises the rape). It never happens "on camera". She focuses in the trauma and ptds that the character suffers later. So shifts the focus from the rapist to the victim. You never know exactly what the character had experienced but instead she focuses in the improtant part, how they got traumatised and how they deal with it while trying to heal.
Load More Replies...Wtf is wrong with the male writers..? They all seem like concealed pedos
This is exactly why I don't read his books or watch his programs. It's f*****g trash writing. He is no Kurt Vonnegut or Hunter S. Thompson or Russell Hoban or Anthony Burgess or Irvine Welsh or Brett Easton Ellis. I'll stop now, this could go on for a while.
She’ll Be S T U N N E D
Ask him! But be careful you don't stunn him too badly.
Load More Replies...'Women love it when you teach them something new ─ especially about themselves.' NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!
So a 62 year old woman shouldn't need to vacuum?!!!? For a clean "nest"
Ooooohh... so that's why my mom stopped vacuuming when she hit menopause....
So I Was Doing A Google Search In Why Some People Can Grow Their Hair Longer. Of Course, It Was Written By A Male "Doctor"
Good thing I'll never be mature and sophisticated so I can keep my long hair.
I have actually heard men say older women shouldn't have long hair before.
“Ever see a painting of Eve with a buzz cut?” Well, no, because a lot of famous paintings were made in eras such as the Renaissance. Don’t think they had clippers back then, and it wasn’t exactly the fashion to wear one’s hair short. Even men went long. I’d love to see some modern art, which current feminine trends.
If I dont grow it long how can I show off all the awesome gray hairs I'm growing? My hair is getting salty and I love seeing the long grays infiltrate the dark brown
Found This Beautiful Thing
Doesn’t sound terrible, I’m imagining lazing around on a chaise lounge, being brought cocktails whilst I ponder my 2pm man. Well, with all that masculine DNA coursing through my body, what’s a gal to do?!
Geez. I think I’m going to hurl. This should be a reason why a woman would want to be a lesbian…. Oy vey.
Wait, what kind of wicked sexual practice does it take to get someone else's DNA into your brain ?
Technically the kind that results in pregnancy. It's the baby's DNA that lodges in the mothers brain though. Fetal stem cells migrate into tge mother's system and can be found in her body and brain even decades later.
Load More Replies...I have never had a boyfriend and I have depression and constant panic attacks.
So if dhe has relations with multiple women, it should be fine, right?
Reminds me of Borat trying to explain that women have smaller, inferior brains.
Stardust - Nail Gaiman
I don't understand the need for male authors to always mention breasts. It's so weird.
What If They Used A Condom When They Lost Their Virginity?
😂😂 how can you "take" anyone's virginity when you obviously never lost yours
Your own mother must have been pregnant at least once and something gross did come from that
This is some quack trying to get money from some men who have no luck with an adult women so they need a virgin. “Pay me $29.95 for my special seminar on how to tell if she’s a virgin!” Lol
Yeah, but they don't swell up until sperm enters them, well at least according to this idiot.
Load More Replies...Now, The Book Might Not Be As Bad As The Blurb... But Dear God, The Blurb!
No, a book about the authors sex crime fantasies that they try to turn into a morality tale (to cover their area) by putting a “bad ending” on it.
Load More Replies...Yikes, looked it up and the book is called ‘the age of consent’ by Ramona Stewart
This should be illegal! Surely it's child pornography if it's talking about 14 year old girls and a 40 something man. Where I live the age of consent is 16.... so maybe it's not available here. But it's creepy that it even exists, even if it's fictional.
This looks like it pretends to be somewhat educational, but to who exactly ?
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Let's find this pederast author and, boom, Chemical Castration!
No, a dirty minded old geezer with nothing sickly interested in little girls!!!
Gerald Ford's Biography Helpfully Describing His Mother
Well thoses plump tits sure fed a president. Way to go tits!
Load More Replies...Old Advertisements That Didn't Age Well
"She goes running for the shelter of her mothers' little helper"- Mick Jagger
Load More Replies...I know you’re meaning to describe coffee, wine & ambien, but I think you have the colors wrong. /s
Load More Replies...Yeeaaaah. It’ll keep you fit and trim with scabs all over your face and half your teeth falling out. BUT, you’ll feel your best in 1940!
She has not been taking her meth. The image clearly shows that she has teeth.
Wasn't there a couple of shows about housewives being drugged to be perfect and not have expectations of a life
He Was Doing So Good Then This
Why do male writers constantly write descriptive tales of prepubescent girls? It isn’t alluring or sexy or even endearing. This is just a huge red flag. Guys, so you enjoy reading this stuff?? Lol
Deeply concerning. Why do the men writing this kind of b******t see the age of consent as a challenge?
Yea, this is again vomit-worthy. How do they get away with these descriptions on young teenagers is beyond my understanding.
Anyone who reads or writes this stuff needs to be put on a watchlist ASAP
I was once sat in a coffee shop at age 15 and wrote a line about a girl I saw. "There she sat ensconced in pale grey smoke". Sure, sophomoric and juvenile but I never mentioned the state I found her breasts in. Nor that I had noticed or fixated upon them.
I Had To Read It So You Have Suffer With Me
"bountiful overnight deposits". Marjorie! Prepare to accept my deposits!
Certainly, fill in the form at the desk, join the orderly queue and wait to be called.
Load More Replies...Guys, we can’t tell when we are ovulating. We don’t feel a little egg passing in our bodies. God. We’re not chickens! Lol. And your “seed” does NOT go to her Fallopian tubes.
Hahahah I can actually tell when I'm ovulating, I get a very sharp unholy stabbing pain, not a tingle
Now if this was a thing, period tracking would be so much easier and precise
Uterus is way way down from waistline look up female human body before your fantasy
In Death, I Hope All My Friends Remember Me For My Great Rack [1q84, Haruki Murakami]
Sometimes I wish my tits would vanish. The underboob sweat is ridiculous in summer!
the book actually seems really interesting! summary: "A young woman named Aomame follows a taxi driver’s enigmatic suggestion and begins to notice puzzling discrepancies in the world around her. She has entered, she realizes, a parallel existence, which she calls 1Q84 “Q is for ‘question mark.’ A world that bears a question.” Meanwhile, an aspiring writer named Tengo takes on a suspect ghostwriting project. He becomes so wrapped up with the work and its unusual author that, soon, his previously placid life begins to come unraveled."
No... Murakami, too? I liked one of his books. (Borrowed it so at least I didn't give money to this... man)
Men Writing Ads....
Every Time I Post Here It Is Always From My Textbooks... “A Modern Day Expression Of The Ancient Urge To Reproduce”
Actually, this is describing an evolutionary behavioral adaptation to avoid incest. Pack and herd animals do it, too.
Load More Replies...Somebody teach these men about projection. Then keep them the HELL away from their daughters!
A Large Attention-Getter Courtesy Of Brent Weeks’ Night Angel Trilogy
But I am totally not mentioning your breasts or referring to the breasts even though your sweater stretchers are fighting to get free!
I have read this series. The women are the worst written characters in a series with a good premise but b grade execution.
We Interrupt This Fight Scene For Important Male Fanservice (The Last Wish By Andrzej Sapkowski)
The breast’s flaw. It shoots out blue point oysters at you.
Load More Replies...The books are scattered with weird and out of place descriptions of sex and the female body, which is a shame as they are a great read in the most part. I guess even a great author can't resist a thirst trap now and again!
I like Yennifer in the Witcher show before she got turned into just another pretty character.
Oh come on, now! What's wrong with this? Are men not allowed to ever mention woman's body parts?
There's really no need to mention breasts a lot of the time, but some male authors tend to a lot.
Load More Replies...Is That Description Necessary, Guardian?
Cheekbones. Not that she's acted, produced, directed, got her pilot's licence, and has a large family from the countries in which we should all be interested, but cheekbones.
Im surprised he didn’t mention her breasts. I wonder what mood they were in.
Load More Replies..."her back straight as a rule" Dude, I'm not a native speaker and even I know that this is wrong.
Rule being the singular of the word ruler, straight object used in classrooms for measuring and making straight lines.
Load More Replies...Fatherhood, By Bill Cosby
And nobody found that weird when the book came out? It never raised any red flags?
Load More Replies...This is just bizarre. I don’t think any girl would tell her dad….”They didn’t come today.” Nope. Lol
Ah yes, women stare out of windows sadly at puberty while they wait for the breasts to just come because they do that/s
Oh man mine got lost on the way and it took forever for them to arrive. I wish we had the tracking services we have today back then
Wow, *Bill Cosby* of all people being an utter creep? Say it ain't so!
This is truly sick!! To look at your own flesh and blood like that
Having not read that book of his a lot of us were blindsided to find that our favorite comic was a rapist.
How To Ruin A Perfect Fanfiction With Two Sentences
If my t*ts could sag in disappointment, they would have done so after reading this garbage.
As someone who seeks out terrible fanfics for fun, this is definitely a bad one. At least most of the ones I find are satire, and don't feel the need to describe boobs in detail
And now there are cultural unlocks? I want mood tips! Is there an American unluck available?
Found This Gem At An Estate Sale
No, it's from the 60s written by someone from the 40s.
Load More Replies...A woman of 35 has no idea what she wants in life just like a 10 year girl???!!! Are you serious? How condescending and insulting.
I better divorce my husband, he's a stay at home dad and I make the money. My 'supporting role' is financial responsibility for the whole family
This guy is spot on! I mean, when the sex urge hits me, I take a break from my minor duties, go to my big, strong, head-of-the-household husband and whisper breathily, "Domesticate me, baby!" If he doesn't, then the catastrophic behavior starts!
Women In Space - Arthur C Clarke Rendezvous With Rama
This is a case of, suppress a woman because a man can’t control himself.
But Wait, There’s More. Forbidden Heart By (Ghostwriter) Vc Andrews
I actually hate VC Andrews books. The writing is good, and the stories pull you in, but the plots just have too much twisted incest and SA. They're like if the Virgina backwoods fúcked Jeff Bezos, had a family that bred with each other, and then wrote an autobiography about all their lives...
Electric Eyes is probably the only phrase I will accept from that trash.
Hey, that'd be a great band name. I can sing. You play any instruments?
Load More Replies...Are You Even God Damn Trying
Within the BDSM community there are plenty of people who desire a relationship like that. And there's a huge conversation on how this can be consensual and how to ensure that it stays that way.
So you want to be ... A modern slave? I know there's people with a fetish like that, but ... seriously?
What's The Purpose Of These Ridiculous Euphemisms? [ed King By David Guterson]
Thank you so very much for actually knowing the real term.
Load More Replies...Well now this just totally screws up the poem The Spider and the Fly for me
I Guess.... At Least It Answers The Question
Women Want To Be R*ped By School Shooters. Apparently
This is super worrying. These 'men' seriously need to get off the internet and meet real people. They are delusional and detached from reality
I am just so terrified after reading this. Very disturbing to say the least.
How Do I Know When My Breasts Are Ripe? [nick Buckley, A UK Charity Worker]
I am assuming he is on the list of the "creeps, perverts, or weirdos"....
"I have been made to feel uncomfortable on hundreds of occasions because of the outfit worn by a woman" Well that sounds like a you problem
Pandas. As I scroll through all this I'm getting more upset. When we have just lost so many brothers and sisters to Covid and we that remain still don't know how to be a kind human toward one another I'm just done. Hate this f*****g world! Sorry. I'm also drunk and crying.
Why Must Men Describe Boobs Like This???? This Has Been Going On Too Long
Nod By Adrian Barnes…
Meanwhile I have future cat-names and eggs in the fridge. Anyone want an omelette?
If your cat is making the omelette I'm all about it!
Load More Replies...Wow Sounds Pretty Accurate (Naked By David Sedaris)
[killing Commentadore By Murakami] I Love His Books But Who The F Thinks Like That About His Sister?!?!
Actually, I don't mind this - it seems pretty reasonable to look at a relative whose physical growth isn't matched by their dying heart. It's expressed in a way that the character might actually do.
I cried when I read the bit about her illness, her heart. Murakami ruined it. Mastodon released the album "Crack the Skye" after drummer Brann Dailor lost his little sister Skye. A fitting legacy and rememberance.
Someone Said The Quiet Part Loud...
But hear me out here: What if I don´t give a f**k about your little book and what is written in it? Whoa, shocker!
Mine too!! Oh, and they're also great stress-balls!!
Load More Replies...Well, by that logic you should revere women and respect them. You stupid c**t. You wouldn't exist without at least one woman.
I work full time from home and breastfeed my baby at the same time - is that allowed or am I still defying nature?
Was written by men another fantasy more proof men don't know women
And a man's penis is only good for......well.....nevermind. the lions den makes stuff for that.
Said No Woman, Ever
Crusader Kings Player Mad About Women Being Human
I think boys in puberty should take a break from gaming. Then come back when they are muture adults, that don't complain when women in games look like women.
Oddly, a lot of those boys you mentioned want to play as female characters because they are looking to objectify women AND commit genocide. Pandas, I'm not a hypocrite, I admit I have killed thousands of people in Assassins' Creed. Bad people.
Load More Replies...Hi, This Is From My Favorite Ln Series: Magical Index Genesis Testament Volume 3
What is this obsession with talking about the boobies of minors? Like it's not even "oh look they had nice milk sacks on their chest so they were SEXY" because they're children wtf
Bruh What (Next, By Michael Crichton)
“The Journey Of The Empty Bottles” By Abdolah, Who Is A Massively Impressive Writer Otherwise
I Don’t Know That This Was Written By A Man But I Mean, The Evidence Is All There
She is also 210 cm tall witch who can use her hair to strange, impale, maim, and kill in many creative ways. Nice spectacle fighter game, actually.
Bayonetta is a beautiful franchise but definitely written by men. Have you seen Japanese game studios? D***s for miles.
Very Clever Of Her Body To Do That By Itself! (God Emperor Of Dune, Frank Herbert)
Boop boop boop I accept boop boop boop! (Had no idea online dating was this easy!) 😂
Load More Replies...Frank Herbert usually does better than this but, occasionally, he falls into the male sex trap of imagining women.
I always give Sci-Fi writers the benefit of the doubt. Think about it: take the sci-fi away and the human, especially male, behaviour is always the same
Load More Replies...This one is hard because bloodlines, psychic abilities and spice melange. The books are about lineage and must discuss some concepts therein. I'm still with Herbert. He's a great sociologist, political scientist and creator of worlds.
Is This Really The Best Description He Could Come Up With? (The Crimson Petal And The White By Michael Farber)
I've used the term dickface plenty but never vulva lips as an insult.
That describes me, and I’m a minor (besides the lips, that’s my height and stuff) 😳
To Be A Woman By Mário De Sá-Carneiro
Oh, please, tell me Mário De Sá-Carneiro exactly how to be a woman. Prick.
This Is A Photo Of A Photo Taken Well Before I Knew This Sub Existed
Women just might…sigh. Since the time of Mary Magdalene, women have always been seen as secondary to men. A mere afterthought.
This Totally Normal Conversation From My Chinese Textbook. We're On Chapter 8 And Nearly Every Dialogue Involving A Woman Is Either About Shopping, Or Her So Telling Her She Needs To Stop Eating So Much So She Doesn't Get Fat
Pandas! It says Keren is translated as customer. Oh, s**t. It's global. White priviledge exists natively in Asia. I don't know how to deal with this new information. I need a hug.
This Mans Comment On A Post About A Woman Approached For Not Wearing A Bra Had Me Dying
Damn straight. I speak with women every day and find no need to engage in anything but conversation. Sure, I meet wonderful women every day, our conversations rarely require flirtation or noting each others' body attributes. Besides intelligent conversation requires eye contact.
I mean, good on him for defending her, but... maybe for the wrong reasons..?
Found In An Antique Store- Have We Forgotten Our Core Values?!
F**K YOU! I want a friend, a conversationalist, a fellow chef, an artist, an aesthete, a wonderful human being who loves me unconditionally. My dog will be there for me. I try to be a good man. My Lady is always in my thoughts. My girl is her daughter and I love her as if she were my own.
Twelve Year Old Kid
She could also fold her breasts into quarters when necessary. Helpful for postage.
I love India. Brahmin do revere women. My boss is Gujrati and I love her and she treats me like a son.
They were weapons. She used them to rob people.
Load More Replies...Not A Book, But There’s No Way The Person Who Wrote This Is A Japanese Woman
Omg. Definitely a man wrote this. So men really want a woman to be mindless and subservient to him? Or would he rather have a woman who is bright intelligent and can actually pull her own weight as an equal to a man in a relationship?
The sad thing is some women do genuinely believe this. You can refuse to believe it as much as you like, but there is still a possibility this is a woman
From “why you not happy” to “a plethora of safety nets”… you gotta stay consistent if you want people to believe you, bro.
The most intelligent thing in this was the word Plethora. Otherwise it's disgusting and why does anyone have so much hate in their heart they feel this necessary? Pandas, you know I can be a prick sometimes, I never hate you though.
Old Advertisements That Didn't Age Well
Her sentient breasts, freely moving around, probably knocked the steering wheel, causing her to crash.
Shït, is sentience another unlockable feature I missed?
Load More Replies...Yesyesyesno
Not if you have breasts. Who know’s what they say when your not listening.
Load More Replies...What A Picture! [the Brave And The Bold #64, 1965]
There was apparently a lot of spanking in old superman comics, too. Gross.
Bat-slapping is his bat-fetish. Sadly, Robin and the bat-paddle we're nowhere to be found. Batman had to make due.
From The Perfect Scoop By David Lebovitz. This Unnecessary Description In The Intro To An Ice Cream Recipe Really Irritated Me
First sentence. Only. He also attempted to send her home with Herpes Simplex 10.
[the Abortion: An Historical Romance 1966 By Richard Brautigan]
Again. It’s not acceptable to be writing sexually explicit longings or desires about a 12 year old. What’s wrong with this author ?? Lol
When asked what's wrong with me I respond "Just enough". This guy, however. Way too much.
Load More Replies...I Love Isaac Asimov But C’mon… (Foundation’s Edge)
Arthur C. Clarke, Frank Herbert and Isaac Asimov have gotten called out in this forum. I thought science fiction was supposed to promote positive social change. I'm a sad Panda.
Hate to say I'm abandoning him too. Call it the Cosby syndrome.
Load More Replies...I like his books in general, but TBH he is a very sexist writer. All women in his books are ornamental at best and the protagonist's nemesis at worst. None of them is doing anything other than being in men's way.
Not going to defend him too much, but he did used to say, especially in his early years when a teenager/young man, he had very little experience with women, and as such, did not know how to write female characters. Dr Susan Calvin was a strong female character he wrote though, not all like the above excerpt, strong intelligent woman.
Load More Replies...The Eyes Of Ugly Women?? The Witcher, By Andrzej Sapowski
Literally makes no sense. Any sorcerer, witch, wizard should be capable of making their visage whatever is necessary in a moment to sway the person in front of them . Thrall is within us all.
I Found My First Example. Apparently Thinking About Breasts Is A Valid Thing To Think About When Remembering Your 9 Year Old Sister's Murder. Billy Summers By Stephen King
Authors abound in this particular forum. I believe someone called out King for Misogyny. Yeah but, remember Carrie? Anyway I just want to point out that I believe this to be well wrought writing on this page. Where he says "No breasts would ever appear" refers to that fact that she is dead having had her chest crushed and would never grow. King doesn't do a bad job with writing for females, not great though some of you Pandas are right. Still love him and Clive Barker. They raised me. My three dads King, Barker and Lovecraft.
A Man Writing An Incredibly Gendered Guide To Pregnancy Brags That It Doesn't Have Any Of That "Touchy Feely Stuff You Find In Those Books Written For Women"
This book has a target audience. If you’re not in that audience read something else.
Just Read [cat’s Cradle By Kurt Vonnegut]. Can’t Really Argue With That…
Damn it! I just commented earlier about how Vonnegut was above this s**t. You made me a liar, Kurt.
Erik The Red By Tillman Roehrig - A Historical Fiction Ya Novel
You...you don't? I mean, I don't always *stroke* mine, either. Sometimes I use them as bongos, or stress balls.
Load More Replies...From Sarah By Marek Halter
I mean what? Which part exactly was doing the beating? Have you girls got drumsticks up there?
Dude, we´ve got a full set of drums and cymbals complete whith lil drummer guy, up here, dontcha know?
Load More Replies...Stephen King - The Shining
He is describing the vision of a dead, decaying corpse that comes back to life, as seen through the eyes of a young child.
What Is That Supposed To Mean?? (Book: Jitterbug Perfume By Tom Robbins)
Bobbed to the surface like jellyfish? Lol. Male writers definitely have a boob fetish.
Women don’t seem to realise just how captivating boobies are for us.
Load More Replies...How many of my favorite writers have to die tonight? I thought I knew ye, Tom.
Holy S**t I Just Can’t With People Sometimes
7 tampons per cycle is a recipe for toxic shock syndrome, unless you have very short light periods.
9 periods per year??? Did he not know that periods come every 28 day or so? We get one every month. Just wow with this info.
Who's only getting 9 periods a year?? Like seriously, it's a (roughly) 28 day cycle? So really you should be getting like 12 minimum. Also is this man really going "cut down on something you enjoy for A BASIC HYGIENE NECESSITY"?? Wtf. At least he pointed out that this ISN'T a first world problem: it's a global one. Smh
Lmao. Let us know young man! 😂😂😂 maybe one day you’ll even get to see a vagina..
I am flying to Britain and the constables will find me in his flat with exactly the same amount of blood he just mentioned pooled around him. His worst period. Eh? (Sorry if too graphic, please, dark humour is a dark art)
Ask a woman one period a month times 12??????? And, no, one tampon will not work for one period!!! You need to change it ever so often idiot
Reads Like Satire But It's Real
This person will spend their entire life looking at their Casio calculator watch and telling everyone how good it is. And masturbating. A lot.
Define "a lot." Surely it's relative.
Load More Replies...I hope his wife divorces him and tells him what he can do with his Rolex.
Virgin’s being virgins, whispering across time and space from their basement.
Nietzsche Going At It (Beyond Good And Evil)
Good one. But, god is dead. We created it and we can destroy it.
Load More Replies...So Cliché It’s Like He Wrote It For Us. The Little Woods By Ag Mock
Man’s Conception Of How Women Talk About Their Stepdaughters In Faerie Tale By Raymond Feist
I believe you are correct. I'm angry about it. You are correct, though.
Load More Replies...“The Woods Are Dark” By Richard Laymon. Ah Yes… The Slight Brushing Of Cotton…
So every morning when you get dressed must be an adventure in eroticism in you ladies, is that why you take so long to get ready?
I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case the extra time is spent sitting on my bed half-dressed and staring at the wall, having a miniature existential crisis.
Load More Replies...As I read these I understand more and more why bras were invented.
Curves In All The Right Places Without That Gross Look Of Having Given Birth [the Ice Man: Confessions Of A Mafia Contract Killer By Philip Carlo]
Coast To Coast Murders, James Patterson
I hate my nipples. They take up valuable real estate on my chest and do nothing. What's a boy to do?
Load More Replies...Found This On My Reddit Page. Just In Case Us Ladies Forgot, Here’s A Reminder Of How We Should Be !!
He is bringing home the bacon, what more could she possibly need?
Load More Replies..."And remember, ladies - if he smacks you around it's because you did it wrong! Smile, try again harder, and have another baby."
"Be a little gay" is excellent advice. I am gay all the time and so is my wife!
Me being a little gay would definitely give him a lift, lol! Priceless.
The Grossest Description Of A Butthole Ever - The Unbearable Lightness Of Being By Milan Kundera
Does Gor Count?
"master"? She was a slave?? What choice did she have??? And a master must be stroked
Good Ol’ Stephen King And The Sand Vagina (Roadwork)
" She Wore Way Too Much Pink To Be A Lesbian Or A Goth" [sweet Blood Of Mine - John Corwin]
Can confirm they leave massive holes. I have two in one nostril and when I take the studs out it looks like I've been attacked by a vampire - on the nose
That's What Every Pregnant Woman Thinks About Her Child. City Of Kings By Rob J. Hayes
Titties: Ripe Yet Firm, Just Like Good Mangoes. (1984 By George Orwell)
Moon Palace, Paul Auster P.146 Casually Describing Marital R*pe. Im Starting To Really Dislike The Book At That Point. Thoughts?
I Once Posted A Defense Of Stephen King Here Because He Wrote Men Weird, Too, In Early Books. Black House Has Me Regretting That
Moon Palace, Paul Auster P.37
Women Only Have Abortions To Kill Innocents And Put Happy Chemical In Brain
Happy chemicals in the brain? What scientific study did he get this idea spawned from??
The scientific study you asked for is a NYT bestseller. It's title is The Holy Bible. A work of fiction by many authors. An anthology of stories, if you will.
Load More Replies...From A Casting Call - Wanted, Smooth Young Woman Who Moves Like Horse
Whyyyy Must He Write Like This?! From Skeleton Crew By Stephen King
[hell Comes To Frogtown] An... Interesting Word Selection
Yeah because after disaster has struck the first thing on my mind is to get pregnant.
Must . . . Fulfill . . . Purpose . . . Of . . . Existence! Brood sow mode activated. Repopulation to commence once parameters are met
Load More Replies...I Know Stephen King Is Easy Pickings, But Our “Stored Vegetable” Smelling Vaginas From “Skeleton Crew”was Irresistible To Me!
My vagina doesn't smell like earth and stored vegetables. Is there something wrong with me?
Maybe you should plant carrots or leeks there, that should do the trick?
Load More Replies...This is a major insult and a drag. We take showers and we like to smell pretty guys!! Lol
Dust Of Dreams, Steven Erikson - One Of Many Instances Where Assault Is Apparently Welcomed By The Female Victim
Incels Don't Blame Women But Women Are The Direct Cause!
Freddie, it makes no sentence. Never. I'm terrified.
Load More Replies...Thought Adult Woman Has While Having A Conversation With Another Adult Woman. The Final Girl Support Group - Grady Hendrix
Absolutely No Way A Woman Wrote This
I have the strangest feeling that this was not, in fact, written by a woman.
Look, I've had two larger than average kids naturally and things down there are still pretty much the same as they've always been, no way any penis in the world is gonna have an effect, gimme a break
It was a man! A man who has probs with women who masterbate with things bigger than his peepee
This Is Just A Youtube Comment But…wtf
This Description Of Bernadette From [ The Big Bang Theory]
Don't see a problem with it. Just because it mentions her bosom? Everything she wears in the series is aiming at accentuating her bosom for some reason, it is very noticable, so not so strange to mention it in the description.
Maybe it’s because it also mentions her waspish waist?
Load More Replies...Stephen King: Master Of Horror…
From "Hex" By Thomas Olde Heuvelt
Yup. I thought this would be a funny post, but definitely not. Many of these should never have been repeated online.
Load More Replies...So… Male authors: This is a GIRL, a CHILD, but she has REALLY NICE BOOBIES.
*stumbling up to the comment section* I made it! That was a disgusting ride into the pits of hell but I don’t know what I was expecting.
Clearly you shouldn't be generalizing about an entire gender based on a few posts. How do you think women would respond if someone said women don't know how to write something?
Load More Replies...Learned 2 things. 1. breast is best. 2. Bras were invented by women so men don’t know what they’re thinking.
Here - I've got some Southern Comfort. Lemme pour you a glass. Ice?
Load More Replies...Yup. I thought this would be a funny post, but definitely not. Many of these should never have been repeated online.
Load More Replies...So… Male authors: This is a GIRL, a CHILD, but she has REALLY NICE BOOBIES.
*stumbling up to the comment section* I made it! That was a disgusting ride into the pits of hell but I don’t know what I was expecting.
Clearly you shouldn't be generalizing about an entire gender based on a few posts. How do you think women would respond if someone said women don't know how to write something?
Load More Replies...Learned 2 things. 1. breast is best. 2. Bras were invented by women so men don’t know what they’re thinking.
Here - I've got some Southern Comfort. Lemme pour you a glass. Ice?
Load More Replies...
