This needs more upvotes. This is absolute gold!

I read cat not car.

Agreed.

I’m so glad I just read this , was just about to deal with the same thing the same way. Think I’ll leave it alone now,

Keyword “I”

sadly true for all of us

Cop: You see a mountain lion. What do you do? Me: "Pspspspspsps! Cop: ... okay, bad test question....

Preach!

Um feathered dinosaur? You really that big?

I don't think anyone owns enough aloe vera for that burn

And none of them will come true

This!

Grateful to be old af and thru menopause!

Yup. Even on a Friday

Hits way too close to home .lol

When someone else does it for you.

Wait, you guys in the US get paid? All I got was money for public transport. But I loved doing it, it was a super interesting case.

I care far more about what dogs think of me than what people think, so this one I can really relate to

That's fair. Won fight deserve some prize.

Never understood why anyone would make fantasy sports.

No kids here... Single... I can differentiate between genuine kids issue and utter nonsense parenting.. I sympathise with the former parents... We were all there as kids... What i do not understand is bad behaviour and the reason we need to adjust. Seen parents bring kids to movies which are meant for adults to understand... Why? of course, the kid is going to cry.. or throw tantrums.. babysitting can be an issue... But we are not part of your deal

Doo doo juice hahaha

I'll say it: fanta-ic

Every month 🙈

I relate to this a bit too much 🥹

Ugh, I will have full on conversations with my husband about what the plan is for tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, he will ask me what we are doing like we never spoke about it. I even do the "look at me when we are talking" thing if I want to make sure he is paying attention, but even that is hit or miss.

If state law allows (some u.S. states do have regulations around burials) most mortuaries will bury you in a cardboard box. And for cremation that is always an option. If you are worried about a service, you can rent a coffin. Much cheaper. It's wild what you start looking into when you turn 40.

Dry hair isn't life-threatening though, so...

Amen 🙏

This is my new prayer

Car engines run on GASOLINE which is a liquid, not a GAS. I swear US English is dumb

If only there were cheaper alternatives that would leave about $2000-3000 difference on her account. But hey, brand!

Googling it is too much work. I just don't pick up regardless XD

Brilliant 😂

Brilliant 🤣

When you think you're ahead of the game, then life kicks you on your butt.🤦‍♀️

Or because you have no children, you can pay them to life with you and help take care of you!! Just make sure your siblings have more than one child!! Gotta share those kids!!

I try to get the boys together every 6 months, all of us go out, drink and vent about our life, good mental health and all that. Honestly though, trying to organise 8 guys is worse than herding cats.

My boy picks up his two pieces of kibble, runs into another room to eat it. Comes back again to pick up 2 more, into the other room, over and over. Add the little click clacking of his nails on the floor, so funny

Last night I dreamed that I drew a picture of a man with a unibrow and went around telling people, "Look, it's DoriBROW Gray!" I have never read "The Picture of Dorian Gray" nor seen the movie. In the same dream, I drew Will Smith's head on a cockroach body, and his feet were huge noses. What is my brain doing?! (I woke up and drew the second one IRL XD )

I'm a lifelong nailbiter and I got acrylic nails put on a few months ago. It was AMAZING being able to scratch itches XD but I forgot I didn't have stubby nubbins and literally scratched welts onto myself a few times. My cats and puppy liked the new "automatic" itch scratchers on my fingers as well XD

“Geriatric pregnancy” is the most judgy phrase created by medical science

can relate

I’m 41 :( and I recently found a photo of my biological mom when she was 44. I look like I’m maybe 30. She looks like she’s a hard-used 70. Don’t do drugs and smoke and drink, kids! XD

"And it's still 9am!"

Not even going to lie, the level of smarta** that I am...I would be that husband

you dont have to be drunk :-D i frequently meet people at concerts, befriend them on FB and never meet again but become fun FB friends.

Or stick a straw in your eye and pretend you need to go to the hospital

Bet she was up on her phone all night

I dated a girl during high school once who insisted on paying for dinner, since she asked me to go there...which was fine, we were totally cool and on the same page, until I put some money down to leave a tip. Girl lost...her...damn...MIND! She made a scene, loudly reamed me out for trying to spend my money, and I got all the stares on our way out. And then we went to a movie following that, for bonus awkward! She had driven, so there was no backing out until the end of the date

They look like wax sculptures.