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“Memes Against Humanity”: 50 Random Memes To Distract You Long Enough To Survive The Week
Interview With Expert
It’s the end of the week, and all you want to do is hurry home and spend your Friday on the couch, binging your favorite show and stuffing your face with snacks (or go out with your friends, you extroverts). However, it’s not even lunchtime, and you still have the whole day ahead of you. You sigh and try to come to terms with it and somehow survive.
Dramatics aside, we know it can be difficult to drag yourself through the workday on Friday. That’s why we’re coming to the rescue with a list of hilariously random memes collected by the ‘Memes Against Humanity’ Instagram account. They’re guaranteed to bring some fun and excitement to your day to make it more bearable!
While you're scrolling through, don't forget to check out a conversation with mindset and wellness coach and founder of Clear Space For Joy, Julie Vincent, and global joy speaker and bestselling author of Messy Joy: How Joy Can Begin Before Your Difficulties End, Robin Shear, who kindly agreed to share their best tips on how we can find fun and excitement in our everyday life.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
All profits to charity 8 months ago
My job, as a five foot female nurse was to be in the room during intake so when the patient accused my male coworker of sexual harassment there was a witness he’d done nothing of the kind. We have to protect each other!!!
zerofoxgiven 8 months ago (edited)
I can't upvote this enough. You and OP are heroes. Thank you. But I still wish we did not need to go to these lenghts...
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"Disembodied voice" 8 months ago
Usually the creeps don't need assistance anymore, miracle of modern medicine
Lena Flising 8 months ago
The Bionic Vet, Noel Fitzpatrick, has a staff member who are at least 6'3", who are always ready to lift up Saint Bernards or Great Danes onto operating tables or into car-boots. Big men are often Kind men.
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 8 months ago
I want to meet this guy, he sounds like a fun person to be a chaotic friend with
M B 8 months ago
Let me know when you're in a relationship...so I can ask your partner this...I'll try to be as chaotic as I can to assert fun
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RELATED:
#2
#3
Karri Berkowitz 8 months ago
I work with my husband just different departments. His boss threatens him with “don’t make me call your wife down here”.
Mindset and wellness coach and founder of Clear Space For Joy, Julie Vincent, and global joy speaker and bestselling author of Messy Joy: How Joy Can Begin Before Your Difficulties End, Robin Shear, agree that in adulthood, we often tend to rob ourselves of fun, intentionally or not.
"As adults, fun is often (incorrectly) seen as a luxury. It’s something we focus on for our kids or on vacation, but see it as a nice-to-have instead of an essential component to our whole life wellness," says Vincent.
"All of the shoulds, beliefs, and stories pile up, adding in the unnecessary pressure that keeps us busy, overwhelmed, and unfulfilled. With mindset shifts and small daily rituals, you can consciously create more fun and joy. It’s a whole new way to see and move through life—one where you’re deeply connected to yourself, family, and friends."
#4
Norm Gilmore 8 months ago
My home city had a nocturnal house. I had to go in and fix a light. The animals inside were Sugar Gliders (I think. It was a very long time ago). I was wearing overalls and one discovered an excellent game where it snuck in and climbed up my leg and up out my collar and leapt off my shoulder. While it did this I froze as I couldn't move for fear of hurting it. As soon as it leapt to the nearest tree I quickly tucked my overall legs into my socks. Still kept coming back as I worked and climbed up the outside of the overalls. Must have used me as a jumping point a half dozen times before I was finished and left the cage :-)
Dawn Marie 8 months ago
I volunteer to be your father's assistant and I will do it for free. I just will not go into the reptile house.
#5
Verena 8 months ago (edited)
In this tourist region here, we have one adult-only camping, as in child-free camping. One restaurant decided to not accept familys with toddlers and younger after 17h. Both establishments get a shitload of hate, while 99,9% of all restaurants and accomodations here not only welcome kids of all ages, but also cater for them with special meals and playgrounds. Why can't people accept that it is totally okay to cater for different age and interest groups?
Child of the Stars 8 months ago
We have a little pizza joint here that's like that. It's fine by me, but I wish they'd at least advertise that they're not kid-friendly (they're anti-children, just not kid-friendly). My husband and I wanted to try it so we trekked all the way across town (no car, so it included planning a bus trip, taking a stroller and it was a whole thing for us). There was no indication on their website, no signs outside, nothing that they didn't even have a high chair. The dining room wasn't even set up for groups larger than 2, and they wouldn't even move tables around. We made it work, but we haven't been back. I don't mind that more adults-only places are popping up, but they really need to make it clear on their websites.
Load More Replies... Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
Why just have a once a month or so 18+ night? Or 21+ night. OMSI here has one night a month where they are 21+. No kids. Just the exhibits and people selling beer and wine.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
As a matter of safety, I would prohibit users of certain substances on certain rides. The sign at the gate of the ride would read "You May Not Be This High To Ride This Ride".
Blah Blah Blah 8 months ago
I'm not sure people understand the vast popularity this would have
Otto Katz 8 months ago
I got a ton of hate for asking online when our newly-refurbished museum would be having adult-only visiting hours. I love the museum. But those exhibit halls have amazing acoustics, and the sound of screaming kids carries long and far. Just Let me look at the mummies with my wine glass in hand peacefully, please.
#6
Dave Sturtz 8 months ago
I, on the other hand, very much enjoy exploring under the surface. There's a lot of very cool stuff there. It's not my business, it's my pleasure! But it's certainly not for everyone.
Cuppa tea? 8 months ago (edited)
I was at seaside many times, spent hours. Not once I saw anything that lives there to jump out to take leak or poop. Hence why I don't swim in the sea.
Cybele Spanjaard 8 months ago
Hhahahha never a truer word spoken ..by the non swimmer who lives by the ocean shore
Celtic Pirate Queen 8 months ago
"Jaws" ruined me. My husband & I lived in San Diego for 9 years. I didn't put toe one in the water. RUINED, I tell you.
"Think back on the joy of childhood. Do you remember how exciting it was when the recess bell rang? What did it feel like to play and have fun for 15 minutes? While you may not realize it, your teachers were counting on these intentional joy breaks to energize you and keep you on track for the rest of the day. And then, we grew up and became adults, often leaving fun behind, focusing instead on success," explains Shear.
"Generally speaking, we were prepared to be productive members of society from a very young age and fun wasn’t just forgotten, it was even discouraged in many aspects of adult life. The good news is, we need to view fun differently. It's often considered frivolous when it should be included as foundational."
#7
OneHappyPuppy 8 months ago (edited)
Vollhardt and Shore Organic chemistry is my go-to answer for this question. Edit - typo
William Teach 8 months ago
Silas by Robert J Dupree (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0053NYMVC/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title). Not because it was sad. It gets to a point where it is emotionally impactful. Also, Marley And Me. When Marley started going downhill. Was more emotional than the movie.
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 8 months ago
I wasn't sure if anyone here way gonna type what book made them cry, but since you did I guess that means I can say old yeller
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#8
Norm Gilmore 8 months ago
At the end of the movie From Dusk to Dawn George Clooney's character says “I may be a b**tard, but I'm not a f**king b**tard.”
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Elaine Van Zon 8 months ago
My daughter s d**g dealer found out she was a lesbian and gave her too much and invited his mates to gang r**e her. She never touched h****n again as it took her back.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Awesome. I too have a responsible candyman who is in business with two partners and they all talk to each other if someone is becoming problematic. They know quite a few others that some of us go to and will also tip them off. And before you all get excited by this post, I am an ex-raver who uses K once a month to have a booze free weekend while I am weaning myself off that which has always been more problematic.
Bartlet for world domination 8 months ago
Mine kept in touch with everyone during Covid, and warned us when someone was spiraling.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
Congrats!! Awesome job :) I'm at 4 years myself. Let's keep going!
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kaycee14 8 months ago
It's not Carol's fault! Direct that hate at car manufacturers.
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geezeronthehill 8 months ago
Those bright blue headlights are worse than useless in a snow storm or dense fog. Exactly the wrong wavelength.
David Morgan 8 months ago
Not something I'd considered since I don't live in a part of the world where it's an issue, but I'm surprised auto manufacturers don't wanr customers about that.
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KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
This. And the flashing LEDs on bikes can seriously trot. I'm becoming borderline epileptic.
Shelley DuVal 8 months ago
Coming home one night a yank tank was coming towards me with super bright headlights, so I flashed them with my high beams and they flashed me back with their high beams. I had to pull over as I waited for my eyes to readjust. So yes, Carol, I hate you too!
Incorporating moments in our day-to-day that allow for some joy and excitement can improve our well-being and make us more productive. And we don't have to plan big or elaborate activities to achieve this. It's all in the little things!
"I cannot stress enough the importance of dripping in small things each day that just make you feel good. Despite modern society's mindset that silliness, play and good old fun isn't a priority, there is growing evidence that is actually an essential part of our well-being (I'd even say it's the secret ingredient!)" says Vincent.
#10
Lena Flising 8 months ago
I worked at McDonald's when I was young, and one of the most fun things to do at work was to see regular customers early, and prepare their special burgers while they were waiting in the queue. Seeing that smile when I waved to them, to make them realize I had seen them, made my day, many days.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
That's more wholesome than my offie automatically taking a half bottle of famous grouse off the shelf when I walk in. Had the pleasure of saying no thanks the other night.
Owl Tree 8 months ago
Before we retired my late husband and I worked at the same university. We would stop for cups of take-out coffee at a convenience store that was on our way to work. The clerk who was always on duty gave me the store phone number and asked me to call her when we left home and she would make a fresh pot of coffee for us.
Carrie Westendorf 8 months ago
I work at a gas station that used to have a high turnover rate of employees (before they made me the boss lol) a few weeks ago a older fella told me that coming to my store and seeing the same people consistently everyday is the only bright spot in his life since his wife passed away several years ago...it's the little things
#11
John Mosley 8 months ago
That was a lot of money for a deterrent that can be completely defeated by a piece of plywood.
Renee H. 8 months ago
What a despicable way of just letting a human being , homeless or not to seek shelter from the rain . Also wherever a homeless person tries to find a place to rest and sleep , they get kicked out. Why don't they find a solution to help house the homeless! "But for the grace of God go I" i hope the people responsible for this remember that sentence.
Emilu 8 months ago
Makes me so angry. In Queensland (I think) there’s a council that has banned homeless people, threatening them with $8k fines and throwing away their belongings, tents etc. Like, you’re actively putting these people into more poverty just because you don’t like the way they take up room. Eff you, Moreland council.
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Lyone Fein 8 months ago
Really. Like, if you have all that extra money how about building more low cost housing?
Tyranamar 8 months ago
Out of all the empty office buildings from everyone telecommuting. Win win. People get to continue to work from home. The homeless get housing. Stop making people go back to the office and start converting office spaces into housing.
Load More Replies... Billo66 8 months ago
Why are we doing this to human beings instead of helping them get on their feet and help them deal with whatever mental/social/d.r.u.g problem. Some don't want to be helped but the vast majority do. They are people. You are people. We are people. How much did those spikes cost by the way?
Panda Kicki 8 months ago (edited)
With lanes on both sides, having people stat there is risky, they can both cause accidents or get run over. Depending on how settled the squatters get it is also a risk that tents and waste may blow out on the road, causing hazards
William Teach 8 months ago
Sadly, when these same cities get involved in providing homes their costs skyrocket for a variety of reasons (graft, waste, fraud), and they barely build any, so, future considerations get spiked because they saw the absurd previous costs.
Tyranamar 8 months ago
Often housing for the homeless comes with rules they can’t abide by. Like no pets. Or no d***s. Or no visitors. They just need regular housing where they’re not being spied on. A social worker who lives downstairs in every building. That can get them hooked up with benefits, MH Care, and a*******n treatment if they want it.
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Ipetmykitteh 8 months ago
My mom literally did this when I was 4 and my brother was 2. She grabbed a bottle of wine, climbed that tree and watched us from a safe distance. She was a bit of my hero sometimes.
FranSinclair 8 months ago
Listen. I want you to be safe and happy but please dont talk to me or touch me while you do it
Load More Replies... Brandi VanSteenwyk 8 months ago
Confirmation that "Mom Caves" are more necessary than "Man Caves".
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
See we should learn n listen to animals lol they ain’t stupid 😂I got the wine but I can’t climb trees anymore old n disabled will the doorstep suffice instead 😂
MotherofGuineaPigs 8 months ago
There's always the roof - as long as your kid isn't part mountain goat. I lock myself in the shed now.
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Michael Largey 8 months ago
My mother had three boys in three years. I now realize who she was referring to when she announced "It's nap time!"
LizzieBoredom 8 months ago (edited)
Animal Control could tell me this about any animal and I'd think "That checks out".
Cybele Spanjaard 8 months ago
OK why would one call animal control if they see a raccoon sitting in its habitat? Help! I have rabies now or something?
Having more fun throughout the day also doesn’t have to mean adding more activities and more things. Sometimes, the opposite is true. Removing things from our schedule and freeing up some space in it can allow play, connection, and flow to flourish in our day-to-day lives. Eliminating not-so-fun activities that consume our attention, like phone time, gives us more time to do things that are enjoyable without getting too overwhelmed.
"The Harvard Business Review determined that regularly pausing a couple of times during the workday not only improves our well-being, but when we avoid screens and include movement (the new recess!), it helps us be more productive. What a win! Imagine how you'd feel on Monday morning if you expected your day to be less stressful and more successful because recess breaks were scheduled in," suggests Shear.
#13
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
Honestly, If I'd been in the funeral procession, this would have made me laugh and made my day. But then between my dads funeral and the reception I encouraged my bestie (who was there to support me) to tell the funeral director all about a reboot of Quantum Leap because i remembered he'd geeked out over some of my scifi and fantasy key rings. I was right, he was excited to hear about it and even if it wasn't really funeral appropriate conversation I enjoyed listening to the two of them have a moment of joy.
Kit Black 8 months ago
You know how every wedding has those aunties that ~love~ to go around and ask all the unmarried people if they're next and why not? I hope every single one of them saw this kid waving at them and took it so personally🥰
Nikki Gross 8 months ago
Okay...that made me laugh, because I've faced enough Southern Aunties and Grannies about my decision to remain single and childfree. I swear to God, some of those women could work for the CIA the way they interrogate people.
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#14
Space Invader 8 months ago
And definitely not ready to be released to the public.
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Karl der Große 8 months ago
Every tribe needs a special name that they use among themselves. The w****r tribe chose "alpha male."
Highfalutin Heron 8 months ago
Turbo dude sounds kind of like a cartoon character. " Cat stuck in a tree? Here comes turbo dude”
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Alpha males are obnoxious arrogant inhuman misogynist's lol nothing to brag about ! N ones us sensible females steer well clear of really don’t get why they think they are so wonderful cos they really aren’t 😂
JB 8 months ago (edited)
Evil grin 😈. The only situation where “alpha” male is commonly used unironically is in paranormal romance. Guys, you’re claiming to be the clueless, overbearing, overprotective, side chick who ends up totally subservient to the woman he adores. Time to start acting like it 😉
Stannous Flouride 8 months ago
The naturalist who coined the term noted that the Alpha wolf wasn't the one in front, it was the one bringing up the rear making sure that no one was left behind and every member of the pack was safe. He spent years trying to correct the misperception without success.
#15
keyboardtek 8 months ago
Well to be clear, some of us tried to prevent all that from happening but there are more idiots than we expected.
Becky Samuel 8 months ago
I'm so looking forward to the moment when the penny drops for all these whiners when they realise that their generation is being blamed for the state of the world/country/whatever when they get older.
Lena Flising 8 months ago
Either I'm too old or too young, but my parents never said that, ever. They spent their working lives being teachers to future kindergarten teachers here in Sweden, i.e. they wanted all kids to have the best possible start in life, maybe in case someone f**ked everything up, like the Orange Clown has done.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 8 months ago
Oh yes, the obligatory ''blame Boomers for everything'' post.
Earonn - 8 months ago
Well, who else did it? Did you ever say "OMG, here's the blame the Germans for everything" when it's about the H*******t in WWII???
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If you’re struggling with ideas on how to find fun things to do in your routine, Shear recommends trying to think like a child for a moment.
"As a global joy speaker helping burned-out audiences have more joy in life, my most requested talk is about the transformative power of inviting the joy of childlike wonder back into our adult lives. Could we please have more fun? Yes, by thinking like a child.
When's the last time you blasted your favorite song and enjoyed a rowdy 4-minute dance party in the kitchen? Or started a timer just to see how quickly you could walk around the perimeter of the building... aiming to beat your record by one second a day, just because you could?" she asks.
#16
Lena Flising 8 months ago
While those guys say "We get paid the same as him, and we never have to play dodgeball, ever again. It's GREAT!".
Michael Largey 8 months ago
Sorry, playing dodgeball all day seems like work to me. As a teacher, I considered myself in the performing arts (as any of my students could have told you).
How about no 8 months ago
He is right. I teach art in school and get paid the same as all the language and math teachers who have to correct exams all the time.
#17
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
Those of us who grew up during the Cold War, that was your best option. I lived 30 miles from a primary target.
John Mosley 8 months ago
But they taught us to get under our desks, where we would be perfectly safe 🙄.
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Lyone Fein 8 months ago
IKR. Some people want eternal life, whatever means, and they don’t think they’re going to get bored? Even in this short life, they all need so much entertainment to keep themselves from nuts.
Earonn - 8 months ago
Worse: what do they do at the end of the universe? When the stars go out? Let's assume they make sure they cannot die (because that would just mean they die from some accident sooner or later) they'd end on some small rock in the eternal blackness of space. Forever. Great future!
Load More Replies... Dawn Marie 8 months ago
Read "Alas Babylon" It was a must read when I was in high school in the 1970's during the cold war. It is a work of fiction, but it does honestly and pretty well technically describe what will happen when/if we have a nuclear war. It follows a family in Florida. I still read it every so often and the state we are in now, I believe everyone should to at least know how they can be prepare. For instance: no electricity for weeks=no clean water (water treatment plants will go off line), Only news will be from the EBS (Emergency Broadcast System) what you hear now as "This is a test, this is only a test." Nothing else will be broadcast and you will have to get it from a radio that uses batteries unless you live some where that is remote and still has electrical service. There will be no way to store perishable food. I could go on and on. Read The Book. It will make you think.
BrownEyedGrrl 8 months ago
I've been stockpiling food, water, OTC medicine, propane, etc. since November 6th. A lot of people say I'm overreacting. I don't think so.
Load More Replies... Brandi VanSteenwyk 8 months ago
When I get depressed, I often ponder what others seem to possess that makes them want to get up and be alive every damned morning. Especially those facing homelessness and desperation. WHY do they do it? It's the question I plan to ask HP when one day I arrive at the gates.
UKGrandad 8 months ago
If there's a nuclear blast, I want to be in that sweet spot where the amount of radiation I get is not enough to be fatal but just the right amount to give me super powers. "Don't make UKGrandad angry: you won't like him when he's angry"!
Nikki Gross 8 months ago
I'm 5 miles from an AFB that's a high priority target, so I'm screwed anyway you look at it.
#18
Trillian 8 months ago
The effing children's hospital where there is no street parking and as a parent you usually stay with your kid.
Geoffrey Scott 8 months ago
To my knowledge, the kids paid $5 every time they left U of M CS Mott, which was rare, in the month our grandson was there. We never paid over $5 the several times we visited (6-8 hours). Just took the pass in with us, and they validated.
Load More Replies... Baba Caine 8 months ago
But how else are hospitals in uk meant to make money ?? Usa I understand but come on bits help our bad NHS
Mary Ballard-Johansson 8 months ago
I once had to pay for parking at the ER!! I had no idea how long I was going to be. And I had no change. So I called security and explained my situation. The let me pass. Good thing, because I was there for 11 hours.
"Seeing our situations through the eyes of a child changes everything," explains Shear further. "Need a tip? Think back to what it was like to begin sentences with, "I wonder what would happen if..." and then find out what happens more often. Recess breaks are just the beginning. To feel less depleted and more alive, inviting your inner child's voice back into the conversation is a game-changer."
#19
Uncle Panda 8 months ago
We had a Chinese restaurant exactly like this, including the long wait time. I think they ordered takeout from another restaurant to maintain the illusion.
zerofoxgiven 8 months ago
Okay this reminds me of a werewolf den from a book. Their cover was a Chinese restaurant. Once in a while someone actually ordered food from them, so the werewolves ordered takeout from another Chinese place and delivered the food to the customer.
Load More Replies... FranSinclair 8 months ago
I have a funny but illegal story. A local chefs business moved and he couldn't fit his pizza oven in it, so he took it home. You cant just sale food from your house here so he only sold his pizza fri and sat from 10pm to 2am out his back door. He got busted but it was quite popular for the bars near by!
K Barnes 8 months ago
Too bad he got busted! The mental image of backdoor midnight pizza sales made me laugh. I know a few people who have food prep out of their home and it's technically illegal, you're supposed to have a commercial prep kitchen, but I don't care about that regulation. Give me good food from a home or prep kitchen, as long as it's good!
Load More Replies... JoJerome 8 months ago
Mafia neighborhoods are the s*it! They don't tolerate petty/random crime and they have the best restaurants!
K Barnes 8 months ago
I dunno, I think I'm ok with a bit of petty/random crime over constant major crime that destroys lives. That's just a me thing, perhaps.
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Tucker Cahooter 8 months ago
Pineapple of course not allowed as a topping but horse's head is fine
#20
keyboardtek 8 months ago
Isn't there supposed to be a pickup truck in the story somewhere?
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Joe Reaves 8 months ago
TBF these days there's way less oops. Mostly it's my husband cheated on me/beat me so i killed him and hid the body and I'm never going to get caught.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 8 months ago
I recommend Poor Man’s Poison. It’s folk/country adjacent but is mostly “we’re all f****d because a very small number of very rich people are selfish wankers”
Jane Alexander 8 months ago
♫ "throw another log in the fire"♪ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI3bnm33Eqw
Richard Pennington 8 months ago
It's the same song. The female one is just a few verses later on...
#21
Chris the Bobcat 8 months ago
I'd like to find a broken Roomba, one that just rolls around the floor but doesn't vacuum anything. I think my cat would enjoy riding on it.
Kendall Walls 8 months ago
"Pieces of Roomba"? -Why is such a recently-invented machine already suffering "plastic-fatigue"? My "Majestic Triple Crown" vac is well over 20 y. o., but, still looks and runs like new.
Whereas Vincent suggests making a menu that you can easily choose from each day to allow more fun moments in your day-to-day. "It can include things that are pure fun, like a dance party to your favorite songs or simple things that boost your mood, like a sunset walk with your dog after dinner. You can also make the mundane things more fun, like listening to your favorite podcast while doing the laundry or calling a close friend while you make dinner!"
#22
helloit'sme 8 months ago
if you have some to spare I'll take them, please
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Agent Smith 8 months ago
After all they went through, they're still such happy doggos. Shame humans, shame.
#23
Bonesko 8 months ago (edited)
I'm need to learn how to make risotto in case I'm ever held captive in some guys basement and need to escape
Robert Trebor 8 months ago
Just put them to work stirring and make a break for it.
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Scott Rackley 8 months ago
Well, I can tell you men that cook well get laid. So there's that.
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#24
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
And at that point you are officially a CAT! Next week we will cover pushing things off the edges of other things.
A girl 8 months ago
That explains so much. I haven't adopted the licking thing but otherwise, I've turned into a cat. The knocking stuff over has always been a thing.
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Wondering Alice 8 months ago
Peak was that time in lockdown you got out your front door once a week and join in the street pan banging, wave happily at neighbours, then retreat
laura lee 8 months ago
It's and I love them, unfortunately my apt now didn't have one😭
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Me staying home in the sticks away from people is fantastic for both my anxiety and my depression lol soz but when u live where I do 😂nature is good for both right ! n I’ve only got fields to back n front of my house lol being at the end of our Cotswolds village , im housebound n disabled n 60 n its bliss I highly recommend it , !!
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
When you turn 70, are you going to change your BP name?
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Kit Black 8 months ago
You have to be careful with that. It might attract a cat. It's probably going to be a cat with a hat
Load More Replies...Of course, it's impossible to completely avoid bad moments in life, and when that happens, Shear recommends treating it like a game. "The game's not over. If you're keeping score and want to have more fun, focus on the good as well. To recover from a setback, train yourself to ask, "What went well? Where's the good?" Kids love rewards, but so do adults. We all like to be caught doing it right, but often only acknowledge the difficulties of life," she explains.
"So, to bounce back from a bad day, keep track of your wins, good choices, and things that were positive. Keep a sticker chart, a tally sheet, put your favorite emoji in your online calendar, or throw a paper clip into a jar... the game is won when you watch the good visually outnumber the bad. It won't mean that the bad didn't happen, but you'll be training yourself to see the whole picture. Be sure to play the full game: Intentionally tracking the good raises the fun factor of even the toughest day."
#25
Earonn - 8 months ago
Funny experience: Me and ex living in Scotland, time: right after Brexit. We're walking along a road, it's a hot summer day. Talking in German, our mother tongue. Walk past a car with its window down. Dude inside screams "OH, YOU BRUTES!" We stop, turn slowly, look at the guy. Guy notices we stopped, turns to us. Pandas, he had two big dogs on the back bench of the car, who tried to lick his face..... Because Scotland has racists (like every place) but altogether is very welcoming, we all realised what had happened and had a good laugh together! :D
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
Why does a sentence beginning with "not a racist but" always sound south african in my head?
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
OI!!! I've heard that expression more here in England than I ever did living back in Saffa. Mind you, I also lived in Zululand for the first 13 years so.
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Marianne 8 months ago
A family in my extended family has a last name that translates to the n-word. I'm sure this is always fun to explain.
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
The Korean word for "what?!" is veeeery close to the n-word as well. Went to high school in south east asia, so this happened more often than teachers would have liked, hahahahaha!
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Shark Lady 8 months ago
I can confirm that a human will always defeat me in a cycle race on land.
Auntriarch 8 months ago (edited)
Unless the human is me. Even looking at a bicycle makes me nervous. Can we just call it a draw and head straight for the cocktail bar?
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#27
Stygtand 8 months ago
i love that song, i dont know the language, but the tune is so d**n good.
Aiman Ghufran 8 months ago
It's Punjabi mixed with hindi. Song's name is Tunak Tunak Tun. Very fun and upbeat.
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Meanwhile, Vincent likes to look at bad days as temporary, which means that things will improve soon, especially if we want them to. "Meditation helps a lot to release a bad day and refocus on what matters to you. I also practice gratitude when things are challenging - that simple perspective shift can bring you from focusing on the hard things, to appreciating what is going well in your life," she concludes.
#28
Bored Seb 8 months ago
please move your back right paw a little bit forward. little bit more. perfect. thanks. stay still.
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#29
Multa Nocte 8 months ago
My two kittens want to pass on that they think it's a f*****g masterpiece.
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
Not as masterful but Did these this week: 1000029866..._880-1.jpg 
#30
Corvin Blacke 8 months ago (edited)
I find it more disturbing that he looks so much like Julian Barratt here, and that's totally a Howard Moon thing to do.
Cuppa tea? 8 months ago
Wtf takes pictures at poetry evening? It's like writing down the notes at painting exhibition.
#31
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
I DO NOT EVER want to know what "Flipping a Grunt" means! I know it's probably made up for comedic effect but I don't care! NO GRUNTS WILL EVER BE FLIPPED IN MY PRESENCE!
John Mosley 8 months ago
I just flipped a grunt and there's nothing you can do about it!
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Lena Flising 8 months ago
I'm 55. I've seen quite a few going "You OLD people with your strange music, you'll never understand this new band I found, called The Cure'." Or Nirvana, or something. The singer of Talking Heads seems to be popular now, AGAIN!
LizzieBoredom 8 months ago
I'm 67, and that reads "meow meowwwww meozzzzzzzzzzzzzz (nap break).
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Khavrinen 8 months ago
"Hats off, Chuckies! Grandpa towncomes!" ( "Future" slang from a book published in 1956. )
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I'm re-reading The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress for probably the three dozenth time and I'd forgotten all of the delightful slang Heinlein peppered into his work. Honestly he's one of my lifelong favorite authors XD
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Tha Monkey 8 months ago
Yeah, pretty sure my dad got in trouble for that during his stint as an MP...
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
I put together a slide deck this week bc some of my coworkers keep complaining about my generation, she thinks I'm like 20. Anyway, it all crazy lingo I don't know entitled "bussin slang'". I present next week, see how that goes.
#32
Analyn Lahr 8 months ago
Keep the cats inside. Especially if there are predators like that around.
keyboardtek 8 months ago
Keep your cats inside because they are the top predator of wild birds. Feral cats destroy millions of wild birds every year and not for food. Just because it is their nature to prey on birds. Not to mention non cat owners are not fond of cat poop in our gardens.
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Kitty1019 8 months ago
Why does the shelter keep giving him cats? The shelters where I live want your full life history, vet records, blood work, and next of kin. Only after you pass their inspection can you give them your $150-200 and take home your new kitty.
William Wilburn 8 months ago
Some shelters offer barn/farm cats and they dont really do as much to vet the people getting them.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Erm n exactly why does the dm shelter keep handing over the poor cat to him as can’t look after him 🤬having worked in rescue we certainly wouldn’t mind u we in uk so 🤷♀️
Scott Rackley 8 months ago
Coyote: Dude, he just keeps getting fresh ones. Let's bring the gang next time.
Panda Cat 8 months ago
My. Alaskan Malamute x German Shepherd Dog decided a party with the coyotes in the local open space was called for. We’d just gotten to the top of the ridge and the wind was incredible. She danced off to join them. It was dark and there was nothing I could do about it because she really wanted to meet them. She was a big, strong girl but I worried anyway. If anything happened as a result of that it was to keep the coyotes away for awhile. At that same location my Ragdoll started going through the dog’s door but if we were there she would moan and cry that she couldn’t get back in.
Load More Replies... Brandi VanSteenwyk 8 months ago
Forcing a pet to live outside is to me, like forcing a loved family member to do that. Now, there are unloved family members that I could see doing that to.... But then again, I appreciate wildlife and my neighbors too much to ruin their sanctuaries.
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
Not wrong lol. Dude, you have created an all you can eat buffet for coyotes.
Happy Blue Panda 8 months ago
FR. We have small dogs and lots of coyotes in our area. We trained them to go on pads in the house no way they are going outside alone.
K Barnes 8 months ago
We had a couple coyotes in the neighbourhood a couple years back, including one that was in my next door neighbour's backyard. We started only letting our dog out when we went out with him... poor guy. I am so grateful that he can go out on his own again. Better than the alternative, coyotes can jump fences.
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EJN 8 months ago
In places where predators exist, you keep cats inside. Buy them a tower, some games, and snacks and they will be forever happy! Get two at a time and it's even better.
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
Pssssst.... cats are not veggievores, you do realise?
Load More Replies... #33
sturmwesen 8 months ago (edited)
hear me out. just write chili con carne down: you can eat it as a stew like thingy, wraps, with cheese and pie crust out of the oven, with rice, put it with cheese on a slice of bread and either in the oven or the sandwichmaker or in a fried cheese sandwich... it's endless possibilities
A girl 8 months ago
I concur with some dissent. We do chili with beans. If I ate beans every day, I'd be hovering over my chair from the gas
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Lena Flising 8 months ago
There's a Swedish site called "What the f**k should I cook today?" https://vadfanskajaglagatillmiddag.nu/ It says "Why don't you cook effin xxx?" and if you don't like that, you click on "Give me something new for f*** sake". It's childish, but fun. Maybe you can Google translate the reply you get?
Huddo's sister 8 months ago
I have heard of a US version too, though I can't recall what it was called. Similar to the 'what should I read/watch next' sites.
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Firstname Lastname 8 months ago
This is the perk of working at a grocery store where those sudden dinner cravings can be solved before I leave for the day.
James016 8 months ago
This is a daily problem. However since its a nice day today, we are going to break out the BBQ
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Not only am I an apathetic eater, but I am single as well which means that fresh food is foraged if I can make up my mind on a daily basis.
Brandi VanSteenwyk 8 months ago
I feel very much heard! I have said that for years. One of the worst parts of being a homemaker was figuring out what to fix for meals. An nobody understood WHY I always asked for input. Decided to go back to work outside my home and leave it to the powers that be.
Karen Menard 8 months ago
How do you feed chili con carne to a 4-year-old, 7-year-old and an exhausted Dad who would eat bugs if they were wrapped in a tortilla?
#34
Mark Alexander 8 months ago
I made pierogis once. The stamina it takes to fold normal ones had my back hurting for 3 days. Whoever did this is a god that survived the great meteor blast.
#35
Chippy Chap 8 months ago
I recommend watching the movie "Heavy Trip". Heavy metal comedy with heart!
Sven Horlemann 8 months ago
And here I sit, thinking for a moment this a guy from a KISS cover band. Apologies!
#36
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Me to n here in uk where I am it’s to bloody hot already n it ain’t even Easter yet ffs 🤬
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#37
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
Noe I feel bad because my dog was dumb as rocks so I know he didn't understand it. I learnt pretty fast to ground myself before petting him but d**n, did he think I randomly stung him?
JB 8 months ago
Now I understand! I live in a semi arid climate. Winter is especially tough… almost everything I touch results in a static shock (even barefoot). It’s so bad you can see the blue “lightening” from my fingertip to the thing I’m about to touch. Light switches are especially heinous because the spark arcs from up to an inch away from the metal screws! FYI an electric zap to your nail bed is painful. Anyhoo, one of my favourite (?) nighttime games is to stroke my cats in the dark and watch the sparks under my hand as I caress them. Occasionally, they’ll turn to boop their nose against my hand, which inevitably results in a finger to nose zap. The hurt glare of “how dare you?” is real.
Scott Rackley 8 months ago
I remember the first time I shocked Pixel when he was a 6 week old kitten. Finger to nose shock. I felt like a m******r.
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Pelle Lövet 8 months ago
Awww! Now i feel really bad for all the times i unwillingly zapped my cats snout
#38
Chewie Baron 8 months ago
He was collecting coins that had fallen out of her pocket, just like Sonic collects coins in the computer game.
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natasha Hartman 8 months ago
no she meant sonic. when sonic crashes out all his rings go flying!
Load More Replies... #39
Strahd Ivarius 8 months ago
When someone asks me when I started working with computers, I answer: "79". If they ask "1979?", then I answer "No, 79, the year of he Vesuvius..."
Lena Flising 8 months ago
Yeah, just 69, I was ten years old when Vesuvius covered Pompeii and Herculaneum in ashes and lava.
Inigo Montoya 8 months ago
Oh! I bet that got big coverage in the newspapers back then. Did you save any clippings from the papers?
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 8 months ago
Last week I told my 10 year-old's friend that I was born in the 70s. She said "my parents are way older, they were born in the 19 hundreds". I want to cry.
Phantom Phoenix 8 months ago
I suspect he was/will be born in 2094 and has time-travelled back from 2125. Which is fine, as long as he doesn't inadvertently become his own grandfather
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 8 months ago
tRump and the musky would believe you, and take away your social security
#40
Kathy Brooke 8 months ago
Seen this happen with whole families when someone is dying. Gutting to see them apart when they most need to draw close to each other, and all to try to 'protect' each other.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
I experienced this kind of triangulation with one of my senior students and her two parents. Each of them would call me for advice about the situation, but I wasn't allowed to tell the other two (a) what the caller said, (b) what I told them, or (c) that there had been a phone call at all. I finally deciphered what the crisis was. High school senior wanted to attend college X bu couldn't because that's where her parents also wanted her to go. Nothing is more exasperating to a teenager than to find their parents reaching the same conclusion as them. So I just told her "Ah,... go to college X anyway". And she did.
Mari-Loore Pavel 8 months ago
this is like friends :D they dont know we know they know or smth :D
Ram Lastname 8 months ago (edited)
The guy and the dad each have something they can’t tell the mom. There’s nothing the mom knows and can’t tell the guy or the dad.
SpiderNope 8 months ago
I experienced similar with my therapist, my divorced parents, and my own súicidal mind
#41
Dawn Marie 8 months ago
He is hiding the fact that he did go off his diet and was not eating in moderation.
Fellfromthemoon 8 months ago (edited)
Best case scenario: wife invited him to the restaurant and she paid, and hubby decided to fill up before the shared meal.
#42
Lost Panda 8 months ago
A gentle peck or what not is fine, but I don't want to see anyone full on snogging in public. That is a private matter.
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
Why bother saying anything at all then? Let them be happy. An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist run to blow it out?
#43
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
It actually is kind of funny what companies will just write off... Oh it's just a few thousand dollars. And business debt can file for bankruptcy. So...yeah. I need a nap.
Marla Singer 8 months ago
A few thousand is a "write off" to a corporation, but it's enough debt to destroy an individual life. The absurd power imbalance is so infuriating.
Load More Replies... Geoffrey Scott 8 months ago
I DID see something positive recently. Apparently 2 Reps and 1 Dem proposed a restriction on the interest amounts charged. Neither daughters nor I wish for forgiveness, but 12.5% is usurious. Should never be more than a mortgage rate.
Lena Flising 8 months ago
Trump is eliminating everyone's stocks right now, so why not eliminate debts as well?
#44
UKGrandad 8 months ago
I have a book issued by a Creationist organisation that claims to debunk evolution. One chapter has photographs of exquisite-looking river 'insects' that are described as being so beautiful that they cannot have come about by pure chance. Nobody who put that book together noticed that they were in fact fly-fishing lures.
#45
#46
JoJerome 8 months ago
When I worked for tips, I learned the more wealthy the customer and/or the more religious (any religion, including new agers and "I'm just spiritual,") the less they tip if they tip at all.
Ann Hoff 8 months ago
I remember waitressing. The Motorcycle guys (doubt if they were hells angels but who knows) they always were the most polite and tipped the best!
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 8 months ago
Not in my experience. Most of my friends have post-graduate degrees and are already retired, so they have significantly more money than me--a h.s. graduate single mom working nights folding laundry. I always offer to pay my share, but it's half:hearted at best because after a few months of arguments, I realized that paying for me to occasionally go out and have some grownup off time is their way of helping me out.
Phil 8 months ago
Back in 2003 I was dating a woman whose brother in law was a tech-bro making six figures. When he paid for his portion at a meal or a night out, he would tip on the pre-tax amount. It usually only saved him a dollar or two, but he didn't need it.
Tyranamar 8 months ago
Aren’t you supposed to tip on the pre-tax amount? In fact I usually just take the tax, which is about 8.5% around here, and double it. That’s my tip.
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Jane Hower 7 months ago
I used to entertain at parties in private homes - the rich ones wanted change if they had more than my aks, but the more humble often passed the hat and got me more in tips. Just shows character.
#47
Donna Peluda 8 months ago
This happend to my GF, she had the account in her ex husband's name and he deleted everything for her and cancelled the account. Always have your own account. Never share and if you do make sure you are in control. Same with photos if you have your photo taken at a landmark take one with your GF but get one on your own.
Caroline Overill 8 months ago
You are denying her dad access to Only Murders in the Building?!!!! This is cruel indeed.
#48
James016 8 months ago
"Chaps/esses, I appear to be concealed in the WeWork uppy/downey box. Send assistance post haste"
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
Being smarmily corrected by a robot is about as dehumanising as it gets.
Dave Sturtz 8 months ago
I remember that in the 60's girls would commonly address a group of other girls as "you guys". It was a generic term 50 years ago.
Laugh or not 8 months ago
I know it is all about pronouns these days, but "guys" is a noun, plural form. Inclusivity should still be grammatically correct.
#49
Michael Largey 8 months ago
Been married for 38 years in July. It just keeps getting better. (Ok, maybe it's that my wife keeps making me a better person.)
YakFactory 8 months ago
My husband and I are coming up for 48 years. Still have lots of love, and each other's best friend. The relationship changes, but the love never does.
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
My parents have been married for 50+ years and my sister and I think they would be SO much happier separated, but...
Spannidandoolar 8 months ago
Same, my sis and I have been having that conversation for over 20 years now!
Load More Replies... lenka 8 months ago
My Inlaws still do. Coming up for 50 years. My MIL has dementia and FIL is the only person she remembers or recognises.
Auntriarch 8 months ago
My parents have been married for 68 years. My dad has Alzheimer's but he remembers most of us most of the time so far. He knows he's happy though. How can something simultaneously be so awful and so wonderful.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Neither would mine ! My father killed my mother when I was 8 mths old n she was 19 I’m now 60
Ann Hoff 8 months ago
A social worker came to talk to my folks when my Dad had his leg removed from his diabetes. When she was done talking to them, she came over and said to me: "I have never met two people who hated each other more in my whole life." I was like, "thanks. That is my Mom & Dad- what do you expect me to do?"
#51
Panda McPandaface 8 months ago (edited)
Whoo-ooo-ooo! *with white sheet over head*
Load More Replies... Emilu 8 months ago
This comment would only have been better if you’d said “could of” just to annoy the grammar-freaks 🤣
Load More Replies... Robert Trebor 8 months ago
I read of another executee (who I can't remember, but Russian, I think), "Whoever wrote this failed grammar."
#52
BeesEelsAndPups 8 months ago
HAHA. I got into bed the other day and I was like "OMG Dog what have you been eating!" and my girlfriend goes, "yeah, that was me, sorry!" I have never loved her more.
#53
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
Someone is going to be celebrating being single on their 32nd birthday if he's not careful.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
I think he might be lol cos he so ain’t funny is he
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Megalodon Meg 8 months ago
You being 60 isn't interesting but you keep reminding us of that on every post.
Load More Replies... #54
#55
John Mosley 8 months ago
The year I graduated high school is now considered "the late 1900's". fml.
Lady Eowyn 8 months ago
Then the year I graduated high school would be the mid 1900s? Sometimes I think I should be in a history museum instead of out here in the wild.
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Petya 8 months ago (edited)
Agree, but I am guessing it might be history by his username, or whatever the X handle is called.
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Blue Bunny of Happiness 8 months ago
I read a letter from an orthopaedic surgeon that stated “this lady had a total hip replacement around the turn of the century”. Took me longer than it should to realise he means the 1990s…
#56
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
I was told to accept water if it's offered during an interview because you can pause more naturally to think while you're drinking. I have now twice aspirated on water during interviews because of nerves and that's always a fun time. 😊
TotallyNOTAFox 8 months ago
Providing cookies is a nice gesture in job interviews to make people less nervous, always had some on the desk when I had to talk to potential employees
#57
Kit Black 8 months ago (edited)
I feel like if you have a job where the s**t you do for a living is really important, & canceling will seriously screw somebody else over, you shouldn't be scheduling any of that really important s**t if you or your partner is within two weeks of f****n giving birth!
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 8 months ago
Perhaps it wasn't within 2 weeks of her due date.
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 8 months ago
Happened to me once, although the surgeon wasn't having a baby and he didn't bother to call. I just showed up at the appointed time, my mother had flown up to help me out, and the surgeon wasn't there. They said he had been double booked, and I'd have to come back in 2 months.
#58
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
Thanks to those old games, as a child I legitimately thought you could change direction in mid-air while falling. So I attempted to do it by jumping off the cubbyhouse roof. For the record, I was wrong. My poor ankles.
#59
RedHairedDragon 8 months ago
This is a classical "at no point in that headline could i predict what's coming next"
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 8 months ago
Our local rag had the headline "Drive-by yogurt attack targets Sherborne haberdasher".
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#60
Anony Mouse 8 months ago
This was a good one, but has been floating around for almost 12 years now.
#61
Amanda 8 months ago
I didn’t know dishwashers ran. Mine must be lazy, it just sits there in its little hole in the wall.
Load More Replies... Uncle Panda 8 months ago
Dishception - convincing yourself that the dishes in the dishwasher are clean until you see evidence to the contrary.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
I’ve no idea lol I’ve made it to 60 without a bloody dishwasher !!
#62
Michael Largey 8 months ago
In my classes you got graded on what you learned. What you did or didn't have to say about it was your business.
Phil 8 months ago
If the entire class does poorly, it isn't the students that are the problem.
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
I once took an exam where the class average was around 30%. I had the second highest grade at 48%, we were given such a huge curve I ended up with a B. So, if it's the ENTIRE class... Yep
Load More Replies... #63
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 8 months ago
Someone screwed up the catering. Subway was the backup. This was a first cousin marriage wasn't it?
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 8 months ago
I doubt they were even as distant as that.
Load More Replies... April Pickett 8 months ago
You are nuts. You wanted 63 footlong subs instantly. Have you considered phoning in that order earlier in the morning when they opened up? You thought an hour was a ridiculously long wait?
Sophie 8 months ago
That’s one sub a minute that’s pretty fast if you ask me
Load More Replies... Earthquake903 8 months ago (edited)
Gives me flashbacks to when I was a manager of a Cracker Barrel. I was opening that day and my opening cook didn't show up, but you know what did show up, unannounced? That's right TWO bus loads of some sports team. 62 people showed up before we opened. Their coach, helpful jerk that he was, said he'd make it easy on us by having the entire team order one of two choices....3 pancakes, 2 eggs, side of breakfast meat and hashbrowns OR 4 French Toast, 2 eggs, side of breakfast meat and hashbrowns....for 62 people. I was the only cook! Luckily the skeleton crew I had was very helpful and we got thru it but I had both grills going, completely full of pancakes, French toast, bacon and sausage. Hungry people are some of the meanest and most inconsiderate people on the planet.
Sarah Belt 8 months ago
Since the review is from Texas, USA (TX), the date is more likely January 4, 2019. I know... we're weird... sorry.
Load More Replies... RedMarbles 8 months ago
Congrats on the universal politeness in your country.
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#64
#65
Gémeaux jumeaux 8 months ago
My 1st reaction was, huh, true... Then I thought, we don't really know what 11 years locked in a cupboard under the stairs would do to one's resolve
keyboardtek 8 months ago
Being locked in a cupboard under the stairs is similar to being raised in a strict Christian family where you are forbidden from reading challenging books, forbidden from exposure to people who think differently, and forbidden from questioning your dogma.
Load More Replies... Joe Reaves 8 months ago
If the people fighting against the school were trying to wipe me and everyone like me out of existence I could be convinced to fight.
Auntriarch 8 months ago
Yes, OP missed the bit about the school being at the heart of a civil war
Load More Replies... Wondering Alice 8 months ago
Ever been in the wrong place when 2 large groups of teens are walking towards each other - similar in every way except school tie. Could be a British thing. Might be training for football fans. I've no idea, but I can well believe high school kids here could both hate their school, and fight to defend it.
#66
BeesEelsAndPups 8 months ago
Black bears can be scared off by wearing bells on your cloths or using pepper spray as a last resort. Brown bears don't care. So it's important that you learn to recognize bear scat (poop) when your hiking to know if you're in danger. Black bear scat is composed of a wide range of things like berries, and often is large and in clumps. Brown bear scat smells like pepper and is full of bells.
Load More Replies... #67
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
You never hear someone described as hinged, do you? Somehow that almost sounds even crazier than the arguably normal (for humans anyway) lack of hinges.
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#68
Dragons Exist 8 months ago
CTRL+shift+T reopens closed tabs, and if you've just closed a window then it reopens all the tabs (though it does reload them)
meliaarhrt 7 months ago
Oh, but you can book mark all of them, bookmarks you will never again look at...
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
Click History, go to Recently Closed Windows, then click the one with (47) behind it. Tadaaaaa.
#69
Panda McPandaface 8 months ago
It looks like it should work. I really want it to work.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 8 months ago
My dad tried this once and actually caught a rat! It took him a few moments to figure out why it was a white rat and why I was doing a bad job of trying not to laugh. (There wasn't any water in the container; my rat was just sitting in there going "huh?").
TotallyNOTAFox 8 months ago
How hard is it to get a non-k**l trap and put peanut butter in it? Worked like a charm when I had to catch a cute little dormouse
Don't listen to me 8 months ago
I have two non-k..ll traps with peanut butter for 6 months now & never caught my cute dirty little housemouse yet.
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Josephine Blogs 8 months ago
I have the very same silicone spoon rest that's on the hob. Never seen one in the wild before.
#70
NapQueen 8 months ago
Is it true that in the event that this happens on a flight, they are to sit the corpse in a chair and put sunglasses on them? Read it somewhere.
The Darkest Timeline 8 months ago
Is that the “Weekend at Bernie’s” rule?
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#73
Mark Schutz 8 months ago
Your father was a hamster, and your mother smells of elderberries.
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#74
Debby Keir 8 months ago
I'd take out the track just before it split. S*d the passengers because they all knew about the experiment.
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
The correct answer is to connect the tracks. Whatever set the trolley rolling will clearly also slow it down, and losing five people is a LOT less dramatic than the trolley ploughing into buildings and taking out ten times as many in a collapse.
#75
#76
Auntriarch 8 months ago (edited)
Well she listens at least. And as the owner of a moderately serious butt, I appreciate it
#77
Chuck 8 months ago (edited)
I think there may be a LOT of reasons this person is in therapy.
Load More Replies... Kit Black 8 months ago
If you know someone who complains about their therapist, having fired them... now you understand why therapists fire clients...
#78
Child of the Stars 8 months ago
I remember being a teenager/young adult and watching sports with my dad and thinking this or that player was super cute. Now I'm 42 and I just think, "Dang, they're all so flipping young!"
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
Was back on my former university campus and asked my mother "what are those kids doing here?". When she told me they were first year students there I nearly spat out my dentures.
#79
cj be like 8 months ago
at least he recognized his mistake. and he gets jeep friends as a bonus!
#80
cj be like 8 months ago
what is ugly about having 2 different eye colors? it looks great on the cat
Load More Replies... #81
#82
Tucker Cahooter 8 months ago
A school friend once told me (back in the days of police conducting driver testing) that a buddy of his didn't even manage to get out onto the road. The police officer took one look at the car and immediately slapped a defect notice on it
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 8 months ago
This happens surprisingly often in the UK. If the examiner feels the car is unsafe or if the care even has any warning lights lit, they can cancel the test.
Load More Replies... Robert Trebor 8 months ago
I offer kudos to the DMV examiners (5 or 6) who continually failed my aunt. The last one blacklisted her forever for driving on the sidewalk. (She was in her 60s at the time). Queens, New York was a safer place.
AuntKaren12 8 months ago
My friend's daughter was driving them somewhere and was just sitting at a green light. Friend asked her why she didn't go. Daughter said "Right on Red, mom".
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 8 months ago
Kudos for using the correct spelling of "kerb".
Load More Replies... Mary Ballard-Johansson 8 months ago
I honked and waved at my dad when we met on the road. And got my license anyway. Mississippi in the 70's. Go figure.😂
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
My mother took her test 74 times. She did not pass, but they gave her a license anyway because driving forward was never an issue.
#83
Kyra Noelle 8 months ago
You should never expect them to pay for your friend, also first dates, I would rather go Dutch in case it doesn't work out.
#84
Uncle Panda 8 months ago (edited)
"Few things are more depressing than throwing out an expired unopened 3-pack of condoms."
#85
cj be like 8 months ago
must. resist. the. urge. to. make. 69 joke. like. an. idiot...
Load More Replies... Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
Bro... you're still on the couch. Don't doze off after shrooming. Rookie mistake.
Nadine Debard 8 months ago
No, Jordan, you just shat vitamins that your body couldn't handle and avoided poisoning, at best.
#86
#87
James C. (Route 66 enjoyer) 8 months ago
A lot of times people don't believe me when I say it, but propaganda is rael.
Alex Kennedy 8 months ago
Like… Raël? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%ABlism
Load More Replies... Another Panda 8 months ago
History is written by those who stole other peoples’ land and money.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
History is written by the people with more money.
Load More Replies... April Pickett 8 months ago
Any new idea? The world is round; we rotate the sun, stuff like that.
Don't listen to me 8 months ago
Ooh. Forbidden knowledge for the first thousand years of christian church history.
Load More Replies... #88
Kit Black 8 months ago (edited)
There are people with serious bee allergies. Like, why would you not be required to disclose this before somebody signs a lease? Yeah, I get that there's bees around in most yards - but people with allergies aren't exactly planting bee gardens. But literal hives in the backyard? You're in danger every time you try to go to the grocery store.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Bees are very needed in the world I’m allergic to their stings n wasps by I have a very bee etc friendly garden they all welcome ! Dont like em MOVE !
#89
Lyone Fein 8 months ago
Where do these strange ideas come from? Sounds like some people just have lousy friends.
White Sauce Hot Sauce 8 months ago
The whole point of a potluck is for friends to make food for each other.
Joe Russo 8 months ago
I introduced all of the teachers in my program here in Greece to what a "potluck" is by having a barbecue (American style barbecued chicken) and potluck...mostly because the chicken was what I could afford for 20+ people. They loved it. :) Great way to end the school year.
les 8 months ago
none of these were needed as a child so when exactly do i ask my friends for help? my friends and i have decorated each others houses and we all have different skills we use to help each other for free. hell, we can not see or speak to each other for years, yet we can all still walk into each others houses and grab a drink even if they aint home. we have keys for each others houses even.
#90
Alex Kennedy 8 months ago
Also, c’mon, Death Valley is below sea level. Sheesh.
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Michael Largey 8 months ago
It's a problem with numbers. Yes, there were higher altitudes possible, but Leo ignores any number over 25.
#91
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
Yes I do lol but only when they cruelly FUNNY this is not !
Load More Replies... 
Talis 8 months ago
He looks like he brings along ca. 150 pounds of raw meat...
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 8 months ago
As someone who lives in a mountain town that's backed up to a national forest, for the love of God, STAY AWAY FROM THE G.ODD.AMN WILD ANIMALS!
Michael Largey 8 months ago
The animal be extra nice to you in return. It wil provide you with information that will always be useful and unlikely to grow dim or doubtful.
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
We do not say that to protect YOU. We say it to protect the animal FROM you.
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
If you get attacked by a wild animal there's a good chance that animal will be hunted and killed and that is the main reason i wouldn't do it.
#92
SirWriteALot 8 months ago
The way you do it is you split the cost of the one remaining ticket.
Michael Largey 8 months ago
"Do you want to go see the snakes?" "No thanks, I've just seen one."
#93
Dragons Exist 8 months ago
It's almost like there's no such thing as objectively interesting, and you finding something uninteresting is no reason for BP to not post it
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#95
cj be like 8 months ago (edited)
can't argue with that. let's go back in time and change it, Mcafee 2024
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
Can't tell if he's a drag or drúg expert, but does sound like my man
#96
Data1001 8 months ago
"Engagement farming"?? Is that just people trying to post things that other people will engage with? And if so -- doesn't everybody do that? Heck, I'm doing it right now!
Ace 8 months ago
"Engagement farming" is just another term for "click bait".
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#98
Howl's sleeping castle 8 months ago
A colleague of mine got married to his girlfriend after 9 years of relationship, in one month they were separated and didn't take even 6 months to divorce
Kit Black 8 months ago
Yeah, getting married to save the relationship doesn't work any better than having a baby to save the relationship...
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 8 months ago
Depends on the age. Are they both 20 or both 70?
Load More Replies... #99
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 8 months ago
Hannibal the Cannibal... someone is eating people, and their first instinct is not to go to a guy whose name rhymes with the crime. Hence if there are loads of cases of a*****t, the first guy to check out is Haggravated Lassault.
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#100
Howl's sleeping castle 8 months ago
King Julian's voice - Perhaps who has never found love, who could look death straight in the eyeball. A real genuine hero.
Load More Replies... #101
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
My rats will literally eat anything. Even stuff that's not classified as food. I doubt they could teach anyone anything about cooking.
#102
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
Don't streaming server farms and internet servers also use a ton of electricity/power? Curious about proportions but need to get work done today and I know I'd end up going down a rabbit hole.
Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
Somehow I get the feeling the last three vowels of that woman's name, are either made up or silent.
Dragons Exist 8 months ago
I can't tell if you're joking or just unfamiliar with the French language
Load More Replies... #103
Auntriarch 8 months ago
Absolutely not, get a load of gel, brush back, become Ambassador Londo.
#105
ElfVibratorGlitter 8 months ago
2^0= 1....and this is brilliant. But imagine giving birth on your birthday.
#106
Michael Largey 8 months ago
I think too many people have seen "Godfellas" for that to work very often.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
If someone did that to me I’d be like ok then gimme a sec the asylum is calling they lost a lunatic apparently lol
Megalodon Meg 8 months ago (edited)
Do you have another joke or is that just the one?
Load More Replies... #107
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Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
I am SOOOO glad we got rid of that infuriating 50 items cutoff premium c**p. Thank you thank you thank you!
Tiny Fox 8 months ago
I presume they finally realised that they were asking people to pay to see the worst items in the list. 🤣
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Inservio Smurf 8 months ago
I am SOOOO glad we got rid of that infuriating 50 items cutoff premium c**p. Thank you thank you thank you!
Tiny Fox 8 months ago
I presume they finally realised that they were asking people to pay to see the worst items in the list. 🤣
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