The YTA people seemed to have completely missed the part where OP explained how they view their relationship with their mother. "Oh, the wife was just trying to be a mother ewtce ectc" which OP has told them they didn't want. As well as explaining the different treatment with their sisters also bothered them. Sure OP could've been nicer but was obviously at wit's end for literally not having their feelings acknowledged and respected throughout their life. Absolutely NTA and those "YTA" people can f**k right off.

My wife and I split up over six years ago. My daughter now has two new people in her life, my partner and her Mum’s partner. Neither demands a particular type of relationship nor to be a replacement for Mum or Dad. It’s weird, we’ve found that our daughter has chosen how to relate to the new adults in her life, she’s been able to work it out with our help, we’ve not forced her to become what she doesn’t want to be. She may be a child but she’s a human being with thoughts and emotions, FFS let your child find their way with your help not your insistence or to satisfy your needs.

I suspect the dad is the major problem here. I can see a situation where he and the new wife, during the dating phase, had a few conversations where dad says he's worried about the daughter growing up with no mother. This lady, having her heart strings tugged, agreed to step into the role and had been doing her best to be a mom to an unwilling participant. Had she and the father ever bothered to listen to the daughter, all of this could have been so different. The simple act of listening and respecting the girls feelings would have allowed a relationship to organically develop and the step mom to have some sort of relationship. Instead we have the byproduct of ego and these parents are at risk of losing this girl. Hopefully this was a wake up call and the adults will start acting like adults and show empathy. If not, this girl will leave and never look back. Ego driven stupid makes for a sad story.

No is a complete sentence, and if you push someone's boundaries, you're going to have a really bad time. The father and step mother brought this on themselves, and by selfishly pushing for a relationship past the breaking point, they've almost certainly lost her forever. Hope they enjoyed it while it lasted, because welcome to NC land.

NTA. My mother died when I was six. Had my father remarried someone who was trying to push her agenda on us kids, she would have been met with immediate resistance. OP'S dad is the biggest problem here. Instead of listening to his daughter, he went full-steam ahead with trying to find a "replacement" for his deceased wife. As harsh as it may have been, OP, after years of having her feelings dismissed, was on the mark in letting her father's wife have it with both barrels. She and her husband simply chose to ignore the fact that OP had no interest in accepting her as a second mom. (I suspect that the tears the wife shed were crocodilian in nature.) OP provided all the family counseling needed in one blowup. Maybe she can move in with some other family members until she turns 18. Her dad and his wife need time to process what was said.

The dad and stepmom are making a mistake, you don't tell a teenager what relationship you have, you let them decide. Be there, be open, be ready but above all show respect. This couple is only setting up resentment in this girl. However at 17, you can develop enough self-control to not intentionally wound someone with, "I don't love you". That is the only immaturity she showed but it's understandable.

Still confused about why the older sisters weren't expected to do this as well. Yeah, they're grown, but if you're wanting to be a "family" everyone should be included. It's obvious mom#2 is trying... But she's trying too hard, and ignoring your stepchild's feelings is not the way to fix it. Kid's feelings are legitimate. While I don't condone the blow up at Christmas... I can hardly blame her for doing so, and probably would have done the same thing..

All the YTA people have obviously never been around a parent that did this to a kid. My EX would constantly try to make her kids from a previous marriage call the new guy Dad. Let the kids make the decision. If you are worthy of it, they will engage you and build from there.

It's possible that subconsciously you know there is something "off" about your father's wife. I believe you should pay attention to your quiet voice, and how it is leading you.

I was 6 when my dad died. My mom cause been with my current step dad since I was 11-12. I HATED HIM. For more than one reason, until about 4-5 years ago. I'll be 30 this year. He never tried to be my dad either.

All the YTA people need to step several steps back and see that OP's dad and stepmom are essentially attempting to force her to see stepmom as her mom while respecting that the older sisters don't see her that way. And they did this to someone who was 13 at the time and grieving her mom. They are trying to force a relationship that OP doesn't want and they are going to lose her because of it.

My late husbands children by his first marriage were 3 and 9 when we first met. They did not want any type of relationship with me (and were quite nasty and cruel to me even after he passed away). They did want a relationship with my kids by first marriage and my parents. But their mother was always still in the picture and she didn’t want them to have a relationship with me so she fed that to the kids. We only got to see them on a visitation schedule so I would plan fun activities for their visits that they could do or not do. They were even more cruel to me after he passed, telling everyone he was trying to divorce me when he passed. Not at all true and it hurt me terribly. I never pushed for a relationship and put a great distance between myself and them for several years while allowing them to have the relationships with the rest of family. Five years have passed since he died and this past Christmas we were all together for one day. The oldest now in college, youngest in hs.

Good grief, OP was fourteen when her father married the stepmother, not four. She had her birth mother for eleven years so she knows who her mother was. Why would anyone expect her to automatically accept this woman as her mother?

Esh them for trying to replace her mom and not listening that she wasn't interested. Her for the I don't live you remark (even if true). I think they should just leave the teenage daughter alone. Stop trying to be the perfect family because she's not interested. But she also needs to know what all that may entail and that it might not be as sweet as she thinks.

YTA on the teen for the shouting, but stepmom should have aimed for a cordial relationship first and taken it from there. She sounds like someone who genuinely wants to help a sad teenager and make them happy, but the kid shot recognize that she does a lot of what a Mom is expected to do. Stepmom is pushing too hard, when they should have had a long talk when Dad remarried. Thoughts on feelings and boundaries, with the assertion that they will be there for the kid if they are needed or wanted, but in the meantime, be supportive in the background. Stepmom needs to get to know each kid individually, and not go through the motions of playing Mommy as an expectation. Date someone, also date their kids.

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The OP should be happy this woman wants to be caring and affectionate. The opposite cruel, hateful stepmother scenario is much, much worse!

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That woman is only trying to do the right thing, no need to be too harsh on her because she doesn't know how to navigate a complicated dynamic. (waltzed in? really?). The father should've been more proactive and assess the situation better, probably getting counselling..