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Wife’s Ridiculously-Detailed Shopping List For Husband Goes Viral, Starts A Discussion On Male Incompetence
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Wife’s Ridiculously-Detailed Shopping List For Husband Goes Viral, Starts A Discussion On Male Incompetence

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Recently, husband & wife TikTok account Adam x Melinda uploaded a few videos that have sparked a heated debate on the internet.

The clips show Melinda writing out a grocery list that not only named the items she wanted her husband to pick up at the store, but included the prices and a picture of what each item looks like so that Adam wouldn’t get confused. She also hand-drew a map of the store itself, marking the products’ exact locations.

The original video has racked up over 21.2 million views and 2.4 million likes

@adamxmelindaWho found us from this video? 🤣 #marriedlife #couplecomedy #couples #marriedlifehumor #husbandandwife #couple #tutorials #foryou♬ Oh No – Kreepa

Image credits: adamxmelinda

These videos perfectly illustrate what many of us already intuitively know. While more than half of married couples in the United States claim that sharing household chores is “very important” for a successful marriage, when it comes to grocery shopping and cooking, women say they’re the ones usually doing the work.

For instance, in U.S. households consisting of married or cohabiting parents and one or more children under the age of 18, 80% of mothers say they are the ones who usually prepare the meals – the same as the share who say they are the primary grocery shopper, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. Some 71% of moms say they primarily handle both chores.

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A few days later, Adam x Melinda released a follow-up

Image credits: adamxmelinda

Around two-in-ten fathers in the same type of household say they are the person who usually prepares the meals (19%) or grocery shops (20%). About one-in-ten (11%) say they normally do both tasks.

However, dads are about twice as likely as moms to say these chores are split equally: 20% of dads say they cook as much as their partner, compared with 10% of moms. The pattern for grocery shopping is very similar: 23% vs. 11%.

Even though Melinda reassured people that the whole thing was a joke

Image credits: adamxmelinda

It’s worth mentioning that over the last 50 years, American women (particularly mothers) have increased the amount of time they spend in paid work, and men (especially fathers) have taken on more obligations at home.

Still, on average, U.S. women spend fewer hours in paid work than men, which might partially explain the gender imbalance in time spent on food prep and grocery shopping.

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It has resulted in a discussion on “performative incompetence”

@notwildlin#stitch with @adamxmelinda this is kind of a ramble but hold it♬ original sound – NotWildlin

 

With the most notable contribution coming from user NotWildlin

Image credits: notwildlin

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Here’s what other people said

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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

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Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Author, BoredPanda staff

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

Denis Tymulis

Denis Tymulis

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Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding. Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water.

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Denis Tymulis

Denis Tymulis

Author, Community member

Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding. Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water.

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Hufflepuff
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Needing to list the aisle numbers and stuff is a bit excessive, however, for certain things, I will send pictures of what I want to whoever is doing the shopping because many things come in different brands, sizes, types, etc. It can be confusing and it's hard to memorize everyone's personal preferences, especially if it's not a weekly purchase.

Beans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a good point, especially if its something they're not used to buying

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Unwelcomed Guest
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why all the hate on men? Women do this too! My sisters used to purposely burn food so they would never be asked to cook again. In my marriage I do most of the cooking and if I sent my wife out to shop I would guarantee she would come back with none of the ingredients I put on the list because she couldn’t find them however if I was to do this I would be controlling and demeaning her. No one gives a s**t that I have to go back out to the shops to buy all the thing that were on the list in the first place.

13
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.

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Cynthia Bonville
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So what I understood 30 years ago was this is not called performative incompetence but CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE and I have had co-workers, all men, who do this to avoid work they don't want at a paying job. I understand they used it elsewhere as well. None of those who employed this technique were invested in the work, everyone was proud of the avoidance of work even though it still had to be done and it was important work. It is usually men because boys incidentally figure this out as they are assigned chores and tired parents realize gosh, it is so much easier to do this myself - he does everything else he's supposed to. Girls are not usually allowed to do this, or they simply hide it and don't brag (same way women typically get away with crimes because they don't talk).

Katchen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules. Rule Number 1: Don't be good at something that you don't want to do.

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Pat Bond
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An article about a joke shopping list ended up in a conversation about performative incompetence based on chores somehow got twisted into a race debate. The OP's must be laughing all the way to the bank with all the clicks.

StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How does she even want to have sex with this man? Unless your husband has suffered a brain injury, this is beyond ridiculous. Men are not incompetent, they just pretend to be so women take the lion's share of household responsibilities. Funny how they are perfectly competent at work, or with their friends, no? Don't fall for it, ladies. It's a scam, and it is deliberate. There is nothing cute about playing mommy to a full-grown man. Choose men who know how to behave like adults. She should be embarrassed to put what she is willing to settle for on display, with this pathetic arts-and-crafts project for her idiot husband. Just, NO.

Alex Bailey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said that this was a joke. If it was real then sure. Though I do think it's a personality thing and not a man thing. My sister has done this kind of thing for years to her male partners.

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Robert T
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not far short of what I have had to do with my MILs carers. We now have a tickbox list with the name, brand, size and approx. price for everything that she buys regularly. Items are grouped by where they are found in the store. Much easier for her as she only has to tick what she wants (or put a quantity in) and much easier for the carers as it has all the info they could need. Yet still some of them manage to get the wrong things or the wrong sizes - okay sometimes they are out of stock - but they just don't seem to be able to get their head round buying things in a 1 person size.

Troux
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These seem like things that can and should be worked out over time for a marriage. Go shopping together and learn each others' brands/tastes. Let each other make a few mistakes and learn what really matters to each other - this could be what brand of milk they like or which parts of the bathroom they are extremely particular about being clean and organized. Don't game each other though, damn...

lara
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I NEVER send anyone to the store for items. I sent my husband once for "Morton House Baked Beans." I repeated it several times and then I said ONCE do not get B&M Baked beans, ONLY Morton House. Guess what he came back with.

Gin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, repeating it meant he probably got the wrong words stuck in his head. I write it down for my husband but then I also don't care that much if he comes home with the wrong beans - he's the one eating them! Oh, I do love online grocery shopping and having it delivered instead.

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Panda Kicki
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont cut and glue, but I usually screencap the items I want (mostly on discount) and message it. Then he gets both a visual and the price. Sometimes with a contingency plan, like "if xx is out, replace with yy". We live almost an hour from the shop and only goes there once a week or so, evertything has to ve right. And it gets very expensive if he dont get guidance as he grabs the first item he sees otherwise.

Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know about this, but there is so much to chose from in a store. If you ask for cereal, and you're not aware Fairy Dust Super Rainbow Sprinkles Gluten Free is a thing and the latest favorite in the household, a visual aid might be helpful in finding it in the sea of boxes. When my kids want something specific and my husband goes to the store, I look it up online and send him the item from the store. Sure, it's a great website and they have close to everything online with every bit of info, unlike many other stores, but still. I think it's helpful. I also don't care if someone gets a somewhat different item and I make the same mistakes if I'm not familiar with an item.

Sky Render
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately for anyone trying faked incompetence on me, I'm all too familiar with that tactic. I'll just point out your obvious ploy and make you do it again if you screwed up on purpose.

Patti Vance
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

there is a sad but true fact that i have had contact with people who would act as if they couldn't do something just to avoid the task - both men and women. if you or your partner resort to such antics then perhaps there needs to be a discussion. i know that the poster said it was a joke and that's fine. but, if i had to do that because it needed to be done...the most i have done is that i am teaching my 20 yr old autistic son how to shop independently by sending him shopping. i give him a list, describe the aisle and approximate location on the aisle of the what i want and off he goes. so far, he's been doing great. still working on teaching him how to pick out produce though but even i screw that up sometimes.

Lenka Smetanová
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

well.. my daddy was not incompetent or something, but he went to the store I aksed him for something I need, and he returned with completely different item... Like I aksed him for peanut butter, and he bring me nutella.. well not bad choice but I wanted peanut butter

CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I have to send my husband a picture of what I want, but in his defense he’s Moroccan and doesn’t necessarily know all our brands quite yet. He and I equally share grocery trips

Scott T Brynildsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get she was joking, but it's still shitty and condescending. I'd have a conversation with my partner about how I don't like being patronized just because they're too big of assholes to get broccoli in the time it took to make the stickered list. The time it took them to do what they think is "cute and funny" they could be getting the stuff themselves. This would piss me off.

Evil Little Thing
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm forbidden from doing yard work because I accidentally killed the backyard lawn. I SWEAR I thought it was just going to kill the nutsedge.

BlueHunter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad does this every week! He goes to the Polish butchers and bakeries. We have a whole freezer of white kielbasa, a cupboard full of jarred pickles and he has a separate fridge for his own baked goods. Me and my Mom don't eat sweets so okay... but we can't freeze anything else that we actually eat. Every. Week. Was funny the first few times until they officially moved in with me.

RandomBeing
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo imagine how fast you could go shopping with a list like this. Just SPEEDRUN it lol

Calypso poet
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband would have loved it when he first had to take over grocery shopping! He was calling all the time! Lol

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Demi Zwaan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a joke, it was fake, why is everyone discussing this as if it’s real?

Beans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it's the internet, where everything is taken mega seriously all the time. :( Even stuff like quotes from fiction are treated like they are absolute truisms or something and are supposed to apply to everyone. It's mentally exhausting to keep up on outrage tbh.

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Got Myself 4 Dwarves
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank god my husband, and myself, aren't like this. Then kids however.......are a work in progress, though they know that if they're rubbish at a certain task I'll keep asking them to do it again and again until it's done properly

Kai Scadden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would make that list just because I like the way it looks and I like stickers lol

Kate
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband wrote a computer program that generates a shopping list from our recipes and organizes items by store location. We either go together or divide and conquer if we need to go to more than one store. He also cooks all the meals. He’s friggin awesome.

nothingisreal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not gonna lie, I have to send photos to my husband when I need him to grab something from the store..because he asks me to do that for him. He wants to make sure he purchases the correct items and I appreciate that! lol

The weird one!
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, if I was her i would write a list he gets what he can find and buy what he wants for himself.

Emma Gee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I want my husband to shop for me I have to send him screenshots of each item otherwise he will get more than half of the groceries wrong. Even if I tell him exactly what to get he will still get it wrong... he HAS to have a photo. Even when I smoked cigarettes, he was also a smoker too.. but we smoked different cigarettes and he would buy me the wrong ones all the time despite me never smoking a different brand/flavor... no matter what ... always bought the wrong ones until I gave him a photo to keep in his wallet and never again did he get it wrong. Men are.... different.

Dodo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK, so the woman says it's a joke and yet it's still used an as example of men's incompetence. Wonderful misandry.

Emma Byrne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm biologically female and a list with pictures and where everything can be found would really help with the enormously overwhelming task of shopping.

Lira Mai
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she have time to do this lists (with pictures) and those others especially the detailed aisles of the store, she has time to go to the store. Or probably she is just doing this for likes.

Winx
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't totally fiction. My ex used to call me from the store asking what aisle things were in...

Angelica Victor
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like sending y husband without a list. He will bring "some" of the foods we eat, but he also bring different products that we haven't tried or need, I love it!

Janet C
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men are perfectly capable of doing household chores and errands. They just don't want to. So they pretend to be so stupid that they cannot be trusted. What they are actually being is a selfish, childish jerk.

Dodo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some do. Some have never been taught. Some have tried and been told they're useless at it and 'I'll just do it myself'.

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Susie Elle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The patriarchy-theory is being applied to anything these days.

Renate Stargardt
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I (f, 52), live in a house with my brother (58). I shop for the household (shared costs) and cook for all of us ... another brother and my son. We all also buy things for ourselves ... like snacks and drinks. Said brother has no problem finding something in the supermarket, when he is shopping for himself. But if I ask him to bring something for me (the household), he seems to have major problems, finding anything at all. 🤔😵 I'm always fascinated by how "disorganized" he is. 🥴 I mean ... he's 58, in the supermarket at least twice a week ... and don't know where the cream is ?! 🙄🙈😂

JeannevB
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband never brings his reading glasses to the store. Needless to say he never brings back what I ask him to.

Sam Yobado
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lots of reading into her joke. She asked for grapes and he brought back raisins and water, so now she includes pictures, it's a joke.

Katchen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reminds me of the Handmaid’s Tale and the pictographic schedule that Mrs. Waterford is given when she visits Canada, because women in Gilead aren’t allowed to read.

Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I took mine shopping so many times, he knows how to do it, what to substitute and how much is too much to pay. And in case he forgets, I send my son as back up. "Mom doesn't like that brand...she gets that one instead."

Jason Melvil
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everybody Loves Raymond did this episodes years ago. One of their best ones (It's the one where Robbie makes a terrible wedding invitation so his fiancee will do everything else on her own). And yes, after the women find out the men have been doing that all the time to get out of doing stuff, the guys realize that the women do it too.

Treessimontrees
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just order it online, it's a waste of time to make such a detailed map.

Adriaan Verhelle
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are that picky about what product you want, just do it yourself. Otherwise, allow for some freedom in the brand of toilet paper, cleaning product, .... Although it was a joke, and most comments are about the incompetence of the man, I feel this post equally highlights the micromanaging control issue of the women.

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An idiot got in a relationship with a moron and now they are making each other miserable with petty behavior. And life goes on...

Auntriarch
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I left the swimming cozzies in a hotel on our first holiday together (honestly it was an accident) and I am now banned from packing a suitcase. Even mine. 35 years later.

Magrata Cesnekova
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't do the whole thing, but if I want something specific they are not used to buy, I for sure will draw maps of store for them to find it easier, and will ask them to take photo of the right packaging with them. Cuts desperate phone calls to only 2-3 per shopping trip.

Anita Pickle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor guy probably picked up Advil once instead of Tylenol and now he is treated like a baby.

De Gueb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wife sends husband to buy 2 baguettes from the local store "pop off to the store and get 2 baguettes, oh and if they have eggs buy a dozen" they had eggs so husband returned with 12 baguettes

Daniel (ShadowDrakken)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How did a woman posting a video of herself being a complete asshat turn into a discussion about the husband and performative incompetence? I don't see anything in the original video talking about the husband's behavior. And unless there's some actual development disability here, this woman's actions are way beyond reasonable.

Paradise
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get the OurGroceries app. You add in real time so you can add something from home when someone is shopping. You can add pictures and notes save in lists. Ex: we have a reg grocery list, a costco list, even things like our packing list for vacations. Then inside we categorize our groceries by things like canned and baking. You add your specific pic and you can write a note under. The only downside is the notes erase each time you cross off. There are settings to have things cross out alphabetically or by last swiped and it keeps it all so you cns start typing and it gives you previous ones as suggestions so it keeps the categories. It really is great, there are no other nuances minus the notes not sticking after swiping it off the list.

Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't read it did you? Its about how people ( in this case a man) act stupid to get out of doing work they don't want to do

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13
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Performative incompetence... malicious compliance.... Starting to hope Covid 20 will just wipe us all out. No exceptions. People really suck.

sofacushionfort
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You wonder if she’s got a similar worksheet for sexy time?

Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Are they 90? There’s apps for all this so nobody should be in the store confused or without a list. Your refrigerator can tell you what food you need. You can pay while you shop so you don’t even need to stand in line. Or just order your groceries like a normal person. People just want attention.

Vicky Z
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not 90 and i have no idea about this app,my fridge doesn't speak, i cannot pay while i shop(don't even know what that means) and no i cannot order everything online (especially fruit and vegetables which will be horrible if i don't choose them myself)

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Hufflepuff
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Needing to list the aisle numbers and stuff is a bit excessive, however, for certain things, I will send pictures of what I want to whoever is doing the shopping because many things come in different brands, sizes, types, etc. It can be confusing and it's hard to memorize everyone's personal preferences, especially if it's not a weekly purchase.

Beans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a good point, especially if its something they're not used to buying

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Unwelcomed Guest
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why all the hate on men? Women do this too! My sisters used to purposely burn food so they would never be asked to cook again. In my marriage I do most of the cooking and if I sent my wife out to shop I would guarantee she would come back with none of the ingredients I put on the list because she couldn’t find them however if I was to do this I would be controlling and demeaning her. No one gives a s**t that I have to go back out to the shops to buy all the thing that were on the list in the first place.

13
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.

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Cynthia Bonville
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So what I understood 30 years ago was this is not called performative incompetence but CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE and I have had co-workers, all men, who do this to avoid work they don't want at a paying job. I understand they used it elsewhere as well. None of those who employed this technique were invested in the work, everyone was proud of the avoidance of work even though it still had to be done and it was important work. It is usually men because boys incidentally figure this out as they are assigned chores and tired parents realize gosh, it is so much easier to do this myself - he does everything else he's supposed to. Girls are not usually allowed to do this, or they simply hide it and don't brag (same way women typically get away with crimes because they don't talk).

Katchen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules. Rule Number 1: Don't be good at something that you don't want to do.

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Pat Bond
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An article about a joke shopping list ended up in a conversation about performative incompetence based on chores somehow got twisted into a race debate. The OP's must be laughing all the way to the bank with all the clicks.

StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How does she even want to have sex with this man? Unless your husband has suffered a brain injury, this is beyond ridiculous. Men are not incompetent, they just pretend to be so women take the lion's share of household responsibilities. Funny how they are perfectly competent at work, or with their friends, no? Don't fall for it, ladies. It's a scam, and it is deliberate. There is nothing cute about playing mommy to a full-grown man. Choose men who know how to behave like adults. She should be embarrassed to put what she is willing to settle for on display, with this pathetic arts-and-crafts project for her idiot husband. Just, NO.

Alex Bailey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said that this was a joke. If it was real then sure. Though I do think it's a personality thing and not a man thing. My sister has done this kind of thing for years to her male partners.

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Robert T
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not far short of what I have had to do with my MILs carers. We now have a tickbox list with the name, brand, size and approx. price for everything that she buys regularly. Items are grouped by where they are found in the store. Much easier for her as she only has to tick what she wants (or put a quantity in) and much easier for the carers as it has all the info they could need. Yet still some of them manage to get the wrong things or the wrong sizes - okay sometimes they are out of stock - but they just don't seem to be able to get their head round buying things in a 1 person size.

Troux
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These seem like things that can and should be worked out over time for a marriage. Go shopping together and learn each others' brands/tastes. Let each other make a few mistakes and learn what really matters to each other - this could be what brand of milk they like or which parts of the bathroom they are extremely particular about being clean and organized. Don't game each other though, damn...

lara
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I NEVER send anyone to the store for items. I sent my husband once for "Morton House Baked Beans." I repeated it several times and then I said ONCE do not get B&M Baked beans, ONLY Morton House. Guess what he came back with.

Gin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, repeating it meant he probably got the wrong words stuck in his head. I write it down for my husband but then I also don't care that much if he comes home with the wrong beans - he's the one eating them! Oh, I do love online grocery shopping and having it delivered instead.

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Panda Kicki
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont cut and glue, but I usually screencap the items I want (mostly on discount) and message it. Then he gets both a visual and the price. Sometimes with a contingency plan, like "if xx is out, replace with yy". We live almost an hour from the shop and only goes there once a week or so, evertything has to ve right. And it gets very expensive if he dont get guidance as he grabs the first item he sees otherwise.

Rissie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know about this, but there is so much to chose from in a store. If you ask for cereal, and you're not aware Fairy Dust Super Rainbow Sprinkles Gluten Free is a thing and the latest favorite in the household, a visual aid might be helpful in finding it in the sea of boxes. When my kids want something specific and my husband goes to the store, I look it up online and send him the item from the store. Sure, it's a great website and they have close to everything online with every bit of info, unlike many other stores, but still. I think it's helpful. I also don't care if someone gets a somewhat different item and I make the same mistakes if I'm not familiar with an item.

Sky Render
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately for anyone trying faked incompetence on me, I'm all too familiar with that tactic. I'll just point out your obvious ploy and make you do it again if you screwed up on purpose.

Patti Vance
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

there is a sad but true fact that i have had contact with people who would act as if they couldn't do something just to avoid the task - both men and women. if you or your partner resort to such antics then perhaps there needs to be a discussion. i know that the poster said it was a joke and that's fine. but, if i had to do that because it needed to be done...the most i have done is that i am teaching my 20 yr old autistic son how to shop independently by sending him shopping. i give him a list, describe the aisle and approximate location on the aisle of the what i want and off he goes. so far, he's been doing great. still working on teaching him how to pick out produce though but even i screw that up sometimes.

Lenka Smetanová
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

well.. my daddy was not incompetent or something, but he went to the store I aksed him for something I need, and he returned with completely different item... Like I aksed him for peanut butter, and he bring me nutella.. well not bad choice but I wanted peanut butter

CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes I have to send my husband a picture of what I want, but in his defense he’s Moroccan and doesn’t necessarily know all our brands quite yet. He and I equally share grocery trips

Scott T Brynildsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get she was joking, but it's still shitty and condescending. I'd have a conversation with my partner about how I don't like being patronized just because they're too big of assholes to get broccoli in the time it took to make the stickered list. The time it took them to do what they think is "cute and funny" they could be getting the stuff themselves. This would piss me off.

Evil Little Thing
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm forbidden from doing yard work because I accidentally killed the backyard lawn. I SWEAR I thought it was just going to kill the nutsedge.

BlueHunter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad does this every week! He goes to the Polish butchers and bakeries. We have a whole freezer of white kielbasa, a cupboard full of jarred pickles and he has a separate fridge for his own baked goods. Me and my Mom don't eat sweets so okay... but we can't freeze anything else that we actually eat. Every. Week. Was funny the first few times until they officially moved in with me.

RandomBeing
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo imagine how fast you could go shopping with a list like this. Just SPEEDRUN it lol

Calypso poet
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband would have loved it when he first had to take over grocery shopping! He was calling all the time! Lol

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Demi Zwaan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a joke, it was fake, why is everyone discussing this as if it’s real?

Beans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it's the internet, where everything is taken mega seriously all the time. :( Even stuff like quotes from fiction are treated like they are absolute truisms or something and are supposed to apply to everyone. It's mentally exhausting to keep up on outrage tbh.

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Got Myself 4 Dwarves
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank god my husband, and myself, aren't like this. Then kids however.......are a work in progress, though they know that if they're rubbish at a certain task I'll keep asking them to do it again and again until it's done properly

Kai Scadden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would make that list just because I like the way it looks and I like stickers lol

Kate
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband wrote a computer program that generates a shopping list from our recipes and organizes items by store location. We either go together or divide and conquer if we need to go to more than one store. He also cooks all the meals. He’s friggin awesome.

nothingisreal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not gonna lie, I have to send photos to my husband when I need him to grab something from the store..because he asks me to do that for him. He wants to make sure he purchases the correct items and I appreciate that! lol

The weird one!
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, if I was her i would write a list he gets what he can find and buy what he wants for himself.

Emma Gee
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I want my husband to shop for me I have to send him screenshots of each item otherwise he will get more than half of the groceries wrong. Even if I tell him exactly what to get he will still get it wrong... he HAS to have a photo. Even when I smoked cigarettes, he was also a smoker too.. but we smoked different cigarettes and he would buy me the wrong ones all the time despite me never smoking a different brand/flavor... no matter what ... always bought the wrong ones until I gave him a photo to keep in his wallet and never again did he get it wrong. Men are.... different.

Dodo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK, so the woman says it's a joke and yet it's still used an as example of men's incompetence. Wonderful misandry.

Emma Byrne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm biologically female and a list with pictures and where everything can be found would really help with the enormously overwhelming task of shopping.

Lira Mai
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she have time to do this lists (with pictures) and those others especially the detailed aisles of the store, she has time to go to the store. Or probably she is just doing this for likes.

Winx
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't totally fiction. My ex used to call me from the store asking what aisle things were in...

Angelica Victor
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like sending y husband without a list. He will bring "some" of the foods we eat, but he also bring different products that we haven't tried or need, I love it!

Janet C
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Men are perfectly capable of doing household chores and errands. They just don't want to. So they pretend to be so stupid that they cannot be trusted. What they are actually being is a selfish, childish jerk.

Dodo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some do. Some have never been taught. Some have tried and been told they're useless at it and 'I'll just do it myself'.

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Susie Elle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The patriarchy-theory is being applied to anything these days.

Renate Stargardt
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So I (f, 52), live in a house with my brother (58). I shop for the household (shared costs) and cook for all of us ... another brother and my son. We all also buy things for ourselves ... like snacks and drinks. Said brother has no problem finding something in the supermarket, when he is shopping for himself. But if I ask him to bring something for me (the household), he seems to have major problems, finding anything at all. 🤔😵 I'm always fascinated by how "disorganized" he is. 🥴 I mean ... he's 58, in the supermarket at least twice a week ... and don't know where the cream is ?! 🙄🙈😂

JeannevB
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband never brings his reading glasses to the store. Needless to say he never brings back what I ask him to.

Sam Yobado
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lots of reading into her joke. She asked for grapes and he brought back raisins and water, so now she includes pictures, it's a joke.

Katchen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This reminds me of the Handmaid’s Tale and the pictographic schedule that Mrs. Waterford is given when she visits Canada, because women in Gilead aren’t allowed to read.

Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I took mine shopping so many times, he knows how to do it, what to substitute and how much is too much to pay. And in case he forgets, I send my son as back up. "Mom doesn't like that brand...she gets that one instead."

Jason Melvil
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everybody Loves Raymond did this episodes years ago. One of their best ones (It's the one where Robbie makes a terrible wedding invitation so his fiancee will do everything else on her own). And yes, after the women find out the men have been doing that all the time to get out of doing stuff, the guys realize that the women do it too.

Treessimontrees
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just order it online, it's a waste of time to make such a detailed map.

Adriaan Verhelle
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are that picky about what product you want, just do it yourself. Otherwise, allow for some freedom in the brand of toilet paper, cleaning product, .... Although it was a joke, and most comments are about the incompetence of the man, I feel this post equally highlights the micromanaging control issue of the women.

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An idiot got in a relationship with a moron and now they are making each other miserable with petty behavior. And life goes on...

Auntriarch
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I left the swimming cozzies in a hotel on our first holiday together (honestly it was an accident) and I am now banned from packing a suitcase. Even mine. 35 years later.

Magrata Cesnekova
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't do the whole thing, but if I want something specific they are not used to buy, I for sure will draw maps of store for them to find it easier, and will ask them to take photo of the right packaging with them. Cuts desperate phone calls to only 2-3 per shopping trip.

Anita Pickle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor guy probably picked up Advil once instead of Tylenol and now he is treated like a baby.

De Gueb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wife sends husband to buy 2 baguettes from the local store "pop off to the store and get 2 baguettes, oh and if they have eggs buy a dozen" they had eggs so husband returned with 12 baguettes

Daniel (ShadowDrakken)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How did a woman posting a video of herself being a complete asshat turn into a discussion about the husband and performative incompetence? I don't see anything in the original video talking about the husband's behavior. And unless there's some actual development disability here, this woman's actions are way beyond reasonable.

Paradise
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get the OurGroceries app. You add in real time so you can add something from home when someone is shopping. You can add pictures and notes save in lists. Ex: we have a reg grocery list, a costco list, even things like our packing list for vacations. Then inside we categorize our groceries by things like canned and baking. You add your specific pic and you can write a note under. The only downside is the notes erase each time you cross off. There are settings to have things cross out alphabetically or by last swiped and it keeps it all so you cns start typing and it gives you previous ones as suggestions so it keeps the categories. It really is great, there are no other nuances minus the notes not sticking after swiping it off the list.

Samantha Lomb
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't read it did you? Its about how people ( in this case a man) act stupid to get out of doing work they don't want to do

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13
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Performative incompetence... malicious compliance.... Starting to hope Covid 20 will just wipe us all out. No exceptions. People really suck.

sofacushionfort
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You wonder if she’s got a similar worksheet for sexy time?

Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Are they 90? There’s apps for all this so nobody should be in the store confused or without a list. Your refrigerator can tell you what food you need. You can pay while you shop so you don’t even need to stand in line. Or just order your groceries like a normal person. People just want attention.

Vicky Z
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not 90 and i have no idea about this app,my fridge doesn't speak, i cannot pay while i shop(don't even know what that means) and no i cannot order everything online (especially fruit and vegetables which will be horrible if i don't choose them myself)

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