So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.

Yes. Not exclusively men. I grew up with a manipulative sister that did similar things. So I learned at a young age that I was absolutely unwilling to tolerate that in a partner. Over the years, a few tried. I just explained that if tasks like cleaning a bathroom or running a vacuum were simply beyond them, then they are telling me that they are incapable of doing things that I have done since I was 7 and I don't date 7 year olds. Don't expect me to respect you as an equal if you can't manage the vacuum cleaner. Never learned how? No problem. I will teach you and then you will be able to do it on your own. Regularly. like a contributing adult in the household. Society reinforces this stereotype of men as big babies and somehow women feel flattered that they're the masters of work a child can usually do. I don't get it. It hurts all of us. Women pile more work on themselves and wonder why their relationship sucks when they have a constant low level of disrespect for their male partner.

The point of performative incompetence isn't about men, it's about the patriarchy, which is different. The patriarchy used performative incompetence to hold women back and oppress them. Women must care for children, because men can't. Women must clean the home, because men can't. Women must answer phones, greet guests, and do all the service work because men just can't. It is a lie the patriarchy built into our society, one which still shows itself in our workforce today.

Yeah my partner's mom does this. She'll ask if you need anything from the store, you'll say, 'I need tinned tomatoes for pasta, x brand only please' and she'll just buy pasta sauce cuz 'its the same thing' -- except it isn't. So basically you stop asking her to get stuff you need.

When I showed this to my boyfriend, he said, with a serious face, that this is exactly what he needs if I ever send him shopping again. Don't worry, I am 100% on your side on this, this doesn't have to do anything with gender. If one partner takes the responsibility of shopping or cooking or both, this is the result.

I work in retail so i'm kind of lucky. I can get in and out of any large supermarket in my city, within 20 minutes, with everything we need for a week, or a suitable replacement if they're OOS. My wife on the other hand, takes longer to write the list than this, doesn't order it in order of the store layout and I'm on the verge sending out a search party for her by the time she gets home.....with 50 bucks worth of c**p that wasn't on the list. I guess, when you're the one who is used to the environment, you get it done more efficiently. Doesn't matter if you're the man or the woman.

Yup. And I think some men just don't want to do it because when they do get something wrong they get a hard time about it. If the person sending them shopping isn't willing to have a couple of different brands, then yes, just do it yourself and don't complain about it. This is also a two-way street. I won't do some tasks around home because he'll complain about how I do it.

My SIL did that, she burnt two kitchens. It as always the MIL who had to cook. She didn't like it when her kids came our place and they would woof everything down. She also tricked her husband into having a third child so she didn't have to go back to work.