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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories)

If you ask a medical worker about their worst patient or encounter, they are unlikely to reveal much in person. However, I figured that if you offer them an anonymous online thread, they'll tell you all about their oddest, saddest, and funniest stories (and most of the time all of that combined into one)!

With that being said, I decided to ask medical workers of Bored Panda to share their weirdest patient stories and they sure delivered without hesitation!

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I once had a patient who came in with her baby daughter. The daughter was a baby, maybe one by the looks of it. The lady told me all these things about how she was anti-vax and blah blah. She then asked me to “fix” her baby. You guys, it was d**d. She was holding a goddamn corpse.

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Final score:

454points

Robert

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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

That's so sad!

277points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Before I had a liver transplant, I suffered from a condition called "Ascites" that makes you retain fluids and your belly looks like you are 11 months pregnant (I am a guy). Every week I'd go to the hospital to get the fluids drained (usually around 10 to 11 liters). Since it was a teaching hospital, more often than not there was an attending nurse and a very young doctor.

The procedure required an ultrasound machine, operated by the nurse, and a 9" needle to penetrate the abdomen and find the sack with the liquid. Most young doctors had never done anything like it and they were nervous and a little bit disturbed. Once this very young doctor got physically sick and white as a sheet. He also couldn't find the sack. He kept prodding and getting more and more panicked. By then I was an old hand at it and I had seen it done properly at least a dozen times, so I asked him "do you mind if I give it a shot?".

At first, he blabbed something incoherent, so I added, "I won't tell anyone, I just can't afford to leave without being drained, this is the one day a week when I get to feel normal for a few hours". He finally agreed and I took hold of the 9" needle. Watching the ultrasound screen, in a few seconds I found the sack and we started filling 2-liter bottles with the liquid.

It was a 12 liters day, requiring six two-liter bottles. My father-in-law drove me there that day, and he was watching the proceedings, but it was too much even for him. He passed out and had to be put on a gurney. Both the doc and my FIL were traumatized. The nurse joked with me about it. I eventually got a liver transplant and that issue went away. I am almost at the 20 years mark.

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Final score:

450points

Mario Strada

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not your average weirdo 3 years ago

Nothing to say except wow...

159points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I had a patient that wouldn’t let me take his temperature with a non-contact device on his forehead. He was worried about “blasting radiation into his pituitary gland”. First of all, you’re 90 so I’m sure by now your pituitary gland is a little bag of sand by now; and secondly, where did you get this info? Facebook?

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Final score:

348points

Thorfin Wolfsbane

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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago

Haha little bag of sand... I shouldn't have laughed but I did

154points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Too many!

The guy that used tampons as earplugs at night, forgot to take them out and had a shower. He didn't realize how absorbent they were!

The woman complained of a sudden and severe irritation 'down there'. She had sequin knickers and wore them inside out, several of them had come loose and worked their way inside.

The lovely old lady who came in with 'stabbing pains in the chest', upon inspection we noted that she was indeed being stabbed, by the lamb-chop bone in her bra.

The young lad that had a speculum stuck in his mouth. We don't where/how he got it but apparently, he was trying to pretend to be a duck. (For the guys out there that don't know, a speculum is a medical tool that is most commonly used for examining vaginas).

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Final score:

328points

Donkey boi

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Night Owl 3 years ago

ouch OUCH ouch ouch

111points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) My friend was an ER doctor. Had a guy come in with a flashlight stuck up his b**t. When my friend came back from his break he asked the other doc how the patient with the flashlight up his b**t was doing and the other doc asked him, "Which one?" It was a busy night!

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Final score:

306points

Suzanne Griscom

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$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 3 years ago

Hopefully they met up and formed a beautiful relationship.

116points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) We had a patient who came to the ER after a car accident and had a metal fence pole all the way through his right chest, in the front, out the back. He previously had his right lung removed so he walked away with no injury after a pipe through the chest.

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Final score:

289points

BWDT

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Panda-riffic 3 years ago

I would go right out and buy a lottery ticket!

144points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Not medical, but dental. Had a woman who was obviously an addict come in for a tooth ache. I had to help her fill out the new patient form because it confused her too much. Every health question was met with ‘what’s that?’. We finally get her back in the room to start X-rays and holy smokes. No wonder this lady had a toothache. She was LITERALLY growing ALGAE on her teeth. It was horrendous. We ended up having to refer her to a dental hospital because the work was so extensive. I couldn’t eat anything with seaweed in it for years. It looked just like the stuff on her teeth.

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Final score:

264points

Amy G

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Jayne Kyra 3 years ago (edited)

BRB, gonna brush my teeth again. Edit: Just got back from the dentist. No cavities!

151points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I work in learning disability care and once had to accompany a young lady to the hospital who was complaining about pain when urinating.

Somehow she had inserted peas into her urethra and attempted to fish them out with a bobby pin - over a week before she went to the ED.

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Final score:

259points

Kit B

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Stevo 3 years ago

Whaaaaat?

98points

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“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) A 79-year-old man presents to ER with an aerosol air freshener can up his a**…told the doctor it “slipped in" when he went to sit on the toilet…it was so far in there he needed full abdominal surgery to remove it because even the colonoscope couldn’t reach it!

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Final score:

237points

KimB

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Laura Jones 3 years ago

oh these men who accidentally sit on things that go up their bottom

42points

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#10

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Not me but my dad who was a physician. He said he hated the ER, this was back when there were no "ER specialists" just doctors on call. I asked him why, and he said he was sick of "removing" things that had no business being where they were. I said, "like what?" And he said, "like flashlights, baby bottles, and squash." I asked no more.

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Final score:

237points

lara

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Happi doggi (ve/ver/vis) 3 years ago

Please ask more, I need the squash story

93points

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#11

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) A woman came into our ER with a very swollen finger and in a lot of pain. While doing a lot of dishes, a box of spaghetti fell over, as she tried to catch it to avoid it falling into the sudsy sink, one strand impaled itself under her fingernail. Since her hands were so wet, the spaghetti slid all the way to the top of the nail. It. Was. Horrifying. Everyone was cringing! The doctor had to cut a slit into her fingernail to fish it out! We all had funny reactions! The woman said it was so painful that she wanted her finger cut off! She had instant relief when the doc cut the nail and relieved the pressure.

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Final score:

234points

ispeak catanese

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Muff_Fluff 3 years ago

How is a spaghetti that sharp?

77points

Scooter Premium 3 years ago

Probably more like her nail was that soft.

45points

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ispeak catanese (Submission author) 3 years ago

I wasn't very clear, sorry. Her fingers had been in dishwater for a long time and had gotten very soft, the spaghetti box fell suddenly from a shelf and one impaled under her nail.

36points

Jonathan 3 years ago (edited)

Maybe wasn't so much the spaghetto being sharp as it was the force in which the lady made contact with it in a vulnerable place.

30points

Marco Conti 3 years ago

Likely it snapped and got pointier? Also some spaghettis can be very thin. They are numbered by thickness. Maybe it wasn't even spaghetti but some other kind of thin pasta. I'd suggest Farfalle or Rigatoni to the lady from now on.

11points

Chich 3 years ago

A box, so not cooked. You can get sharp ends if they break.

8points

Antonia 3 years ago

probably uncooked

5points

Ivan Praba 3 years ago

unlucky, like getting cut by a grass,,, has to be specific angle, force etc

4points

SeaPanda 2 years ago

Basically it was a "perfect storm" of bad luck lol.

2points

Zack Podany 2 years ago

You've never tried to scrape off dried pasta with a fingernail I see. I never had to go to the hospital, but there was blood more than once.

2points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

Water-soaked flesh is easy to impale. Toothpick will do it Seen that one more than once.

2points

Silver 2 years ago

fun fact: a single strand of spaghetti is called a spaghetto!

1point

Billy Allen 2 years ago

There's martial artists who can take paper straws and embed them into wooden boards simply by throwing it at the board.

1point

Ray Heap 2 years ago

Oh it is, you can Stab somebody with spaghetti

1point

Wednesday 1 year ago

Stranger things have happened, my friend... stranger things...

0points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

This used to be a torture technique. Shoving splinters under ones finger nails.

13points

David Houde 3 years ago

I can relate. I used to work with very fine screws (1.0 to 1.4 mm diameter). Hence you have to use very fine screwdrivers. One day I slipped and stuck the screwdriver under my thumb nail. Dead center. I hit it with such force that the screwdriver went all the way up to my nail bed. All while under the nail. I was unconscious within seconds.

7points

W C 3 years ago

This makes me cringe!

7points

ispeak catanese (Submission author) 3 years ago

Exactly! It was so awful! We all felt it!

2points

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I I 3 years ago

i got a splinter down my finger nail had to have the same thing done , after a 3 hour wait , only 12

5points

Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago

Slit into her fingernail to get it out? Nope nope nope. I'll admit the next patient thank you so you don't have to pick me up off the floor. Everyone has things they just can't be there for. I only had 3.

3points

Ellen Ranks 2 years ago

Yeah. I once shoved a 0,5mm crochet needle under my nail by accident. It went halfway. Pulled it out myself, was very lucky not to have an infection. It hurts really bad.

2points

Well then 2 years ago

Something like that happened to me. Got an infected hangnail. It was so painful a coworker walked by me and lightly brushed it. I got dizzy, knees buckled, almost fainted. Went to the er and they had slice my nail open to drain it. Doc didn't even numb it first. He said sticking a needle in it would hurt just as bad as what he was about to do 😩

1point

Featherytoad 2 years ago

I'm cringing just reading some of these.

1point

Bethany Byers 2 years ago

Last year I got a sliver of tempered glass from a cellphone cover impaled directly under and into my nail bed. It was one of the most shockingly excruciating pains I’ve ever had. There was a brief moment where I though I could suck it up and with a tweezers pull it out. Bad idea. As soon as I touched it i screamed and almost passed out from the pain. Went to urgent care where they had to do the same as the OP, slice into my nail and finger to remove it.

0points

Lori 2 years ago

This seems unbelievable.

0points

Lathrop L. d S T 2 years ago

Been there, felt that.

0points

Rachknits 2 years ago

I did something similar with a splinter, a large one managed to get right under my nail

0points

Minnie-me 2 years ago

Is this a joke?

0points

Ozymandias73 2 years ago

Everyone here cringed too. OUCH!!

0points

Oogiebogieaugiedaddy 2 years ago

I guess that whole thing about soldier's being held captive and tortured with bamboo shoots rammed under their fingernails!!!! We owe our freedom to soldiers!

0points

Featherytoad 2 years ago

Talk about a freak accident.

0points

Mary M 2 years ago

congrats, a medical story made me gag! that's enough for today!

0points

Haley Futch 2 years ago

Oh God. This is the stuff of nightmares

0points

Ansi 2 years ago

This is why I look away and 🤢 when I see korean/chinese dramas when they do old time torture and jamming things under their nails. 😬

0points

Swastik34 2 years ago

So you can apparently take people's fingernails off using spaghetti ?

0points

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#12

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I once had to explain to a patient that there was no need for us to check his b12 levels because he was actually not on a vegan diet.

Still, he insisted on being a vegan because he only ate poultry regularly, while other meats or fish only "a few times a month" and also it was always organic. He genuinely thought he was a vegan and therefore needed his b12 level checked.

I ended up saying, "b12 deficiency is only a problem for those vegans who don't eat meat."

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Final score:

229points

royal_antelope

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$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 3 years ago

You could play notes across the holes in his head.

118points

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#13

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Was on a med-surg-gyn-weird diseases floor. Had a patient come in with Pemphigus. A skin disease. A not often seen one.

Also had a patient come in with a rare genetic disease that both parents were Caucasian, but the baby had very dark skin and hair and their features were Caucasian. He was also in a wheelchair and his skin was very delicate and broke down easily. Can’t remember the name of it, De. … something. But it was very interesting.

I also had several patients with cystic fibrosis, under this one doctor’s care. They aged from teens to 36. Very old for a patient with CF. He was very invested in their care. One patient came in and he was dying. He asked that any nurse not comfortable with his morphine dosing schedule, not take care of his patient. He was of the opinion, that they could pretty much tell you when and how much they wanted or needed, and where to get it. He later was in the news as the doctor who broke the genetic code for CF. He was based in Orlando, Fl. He was an amazing doctor!

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Final score:

206points

Kim Lorton

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

Bless him. A doctor who really wanted the best for his patients. Although in my opinion, most doctors and other health care workers do want the best. Kim, you must have found all this very interesting.

95points

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#14

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I’m the patient here. Guess what I did?

Yeah, I ate a flower with a bee on it. Not only did I get stung, but guess what else?

The flower was the one thing I was allergic to. I couldn’t breathe because I still had a petal AND a bee stuck in my mouth, and my tongue basically blew up. I did not eat any greens, or anything purple because the flower was purple.

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Final score:

205points

Happi doggi (all pronouns)

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Happi doggi (ve/ver/vis) (Submission author) 3 years ago

It’s sea holly

83points

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#15

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Not my story but my friend is a paramedic and got called to a house where someone thought a person "might" be d**d. The guy had hanged himself at least 3 weeks previously. Think advanced state of decomposition. She said she can remember thinking, "What do they expect us to do? Resuscitate him?"

Obviously, she didn't say anything and just contacted the police. I assume some people just panic and don't know who to call in this situation.

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Final score:

194points

Ru Bee

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Laura Jones 3 years ago

so sad no one had worried where he was for 3 weeks that guy certainly needed some friends

117points

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#16

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Had a patient call 9-1-1 with a three-liter coke bottle up his a**.

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Final score:

192points

survivalrhino

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Night Owl 3 years ago

Now that's impressive (and dumb of course)

130points

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#17

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I'm not a doctor, but I was once in the doctor's office waiting for a check-up when this woman bolts in with her young child, screaming that she was bleeding. Her kid was on her period.

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Final score:

192points

Eckho

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Pa4040 3 years ago (edited)

I believe that there are too many women (mothers) who are extremely uncomfortable discussing anything related to how the body works and changes during puberty, but not knowing that your daughter is probably on her period?

124points

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#18

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) My wife works in the ICU and a large lady came in once and they had to give her a sponge bath and they found an old oreo under her b**b.

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Final score:

180points

Jason Laverick

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survivalrhino 3 years ago

Whole 12 piece box of KFC in the folds of fat on a 550 lb patient

82points

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#19

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I had a severely psychotic patient who was convinced she had consumed human flesh and was always trying to induce vomiting. She was eventually discharged. Later she was re-admitted when her relative (a new mother) had caught this patient preparing to eat the baby.

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Final score:

170points

Joanna

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Happi doggi (ve/ver/vis) 3 years ago (edited)

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ…

146points

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#20

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) As a paramedic with over 25 years in the job, I have witnessed a lot of things.

One that sticks with me is a call I dealt with over 20 years ago. A lady dialed 999 and the call was passed as "broken finger". It was only when we arrived we found that she had actually broken a fingernail, and was wanting us to fix it as she was going to a dinner party and wanted to look her best. For context, the patient lived in a large house with a private drive and considered herself to be in the upper class.

My crew mate did indeed 'fix' the broken fingernail back on, with a big comedy bandage you would normally expect to see in a cartoon. Our patient was not impressed by this, as it made her look ridiculous, and she uttered that immortal line "I will get you sacked for this".

My crew mate, being less subtle than me, educated the lady on the inappropriateness of the situation (in words of very few syllabus) and it would be a shame if we did get sacked and details of this call 'leaked' to the press. I don't believe a complaint was ever made...

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Final score:

169points

UKDeek

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Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago

She should have had to pay a fine for this. Not that it would have made a dent in her bank account. But she'd probably be pissed to have to pay it. Or contact some connection to get it tossed.

97points

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#21

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Not a doctor. Sat in the waiting room at the health center, waiting for my doctor when a worker from the building project next door came in. He had his hand wrapped in a big towel and just stood in the line for the receptionist.

He left a large trail of blood running from the towel. Not dripping, running in a small stream. Luckily someone more or less shouted to get him some attention. When a couple of nurses came running the dude said something like: "I just cut myself a bit", not really seeming to realize it had to be bad. Either he was cool as a cucumber or in chock. Probably the latter.

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Final score:

164points

Erik Ivan

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Happi doggi (ve/ver/vis) 3 years ago

If he thinks he just cut himself “a bit” what could he have done that was worse than this?

44points

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#22

Parents brought their 8 yo daughter in with a crooked forearm, stating they had no idea what happened. Turns out the girl broke her arm right before departing on a Disney vacation. They asked her if she'd rather go to the hospital or go on vacation. She chose vacation (shock) and as a result of really poor parenting, something that would have been remedied with a simple cast turned into surgery and a longer, more painful recovery for their daughter.

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Final score:

156points

Alicia M

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Susi Moffitt 3 years ago

Horribly irresponsible! Some people either shouldn't have kids or they should ACT like parents!!

107points

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#23

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) P**is fish…. A fish swam up into this man’s urethra. He had been on vacation and WAITED UNTIL HE WAS BACK to get looked at!!! That was nearly 20 years ago and I will never forget that poor guy.

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Final score:

155points

Aisling Raye

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Lance LaRocque 3 years ago

The TV show River Monsters had an episode on that fish. If I remember correctly it lives in the Amazon River

78points

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#24

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Mostly ER.

1. Dead babies brought in.

2. 17 yo girl stabbed in the heart by someone who tried to steal her cellphone, dead on arrival.

3. Lady attacked by a pet python. I clamped onto her wrist and wrapped itself around her neck, luckily she survived.

4. Guy took Viagra, effects did not wear off, 36 hrs later he came into ER because to pain was too much.

5. Police officer shot in the face, had to have total reconstructive surgery.

And so much more...

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Final score:

151points

Suddenly

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Brian Bennett 3 years ago

Emergency rooms are horror stories and unbelievable things have to be attended to its the next worst thing from COVID!

57points

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#25

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I once handled a man that had inserted the p**is in an active vacuum cleaning pipe, it swelled a lot and got stuck. Totally purple after removal.

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Final score:

150points

Panda Kicki

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Happi doggi (ve/ver/vis) 3 years ago

Why

67points

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#26

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) A patient who filled a condom with Hard as Nails (a glue that sets hard as nails) inserted it while the glue was still not set. Then it set and it took every surgical instrument we could think of to extract it.

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Final score:

143points

MargyB

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Jonathan 3 years ago

I'd be curious as to exactly what thought process he had going on here lol

88points

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#27

My mom was an ER doctor. Years ago an older man had a motorcycle wreck on the turnpike and they were ready when he came in. Everyone took their places (he was unconscious) and began cutting clothes off. All of the sudden everyone stopped…. He had a tiny padlock through the end of his penis with a chain going up to a nipple and a tiny lick holding it there. No keys to fit on his person. They had to call maintenance to bring cutters to cut the locks.

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Final score:

141points

NotTodaySatan!!

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Jackie Porter 3 years ago

Hope his Master/Mistress was informed?

94points

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#28

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) I work registration in the emergency room…I’ve seen some weird stuff in the month and a half I’ve been here. We had one woman come in with a lit cigarette and a newborn…she had given birth in her car, and decided to wait to come in so she could finish smoking.

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Final score:

132points

Blake Ingram

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Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago

A month and a half? Oh its just the beginning! Be prepared to see anything and everything.

56points

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#29

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Found a 6mm fragment of a metal axe in a guy's eyelid - he had no idea it was there.

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Final score:

131points

Della Greymane

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Yula Lopez 3 years ago

What the...

35points

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#30

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Saw this guy who ‘accidentally’ injected an EpiPen into his junk.

He got worried and came into the ED. He claimed it was totally an accident and just wanted to see how the thing worked, but his friend told us he was out of viagra and wanted to see if the EpiPen works as a replacement, since it’s epinephrine/adrenaline.

Spoiler alert, it doesn’t.

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Final score:

128points

Skyler Sage Tang

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Brian Bennett 3 years ago

Another Facebook medical education probably - when will they ever learn?

56points

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#31

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) Urgent care registration staff here. Had a man come in because he "needed a boil on his arm checked out". I didn't ask him to, but he unzipped his jacket (no shirt on underneath) and showed me his arms. This was NOT just a boil, he had rubber surgical drains coming out multiple sites on each arm.

He had left an out-of-state hospital where he was being treated for purulent cellulitis without notifying doctors or getting his Rx for antibiotics. He said he had to get to Montana for a friend's funeral and didn't have time to stop long. Our doctors told him his case was too severe and he needed to go to the ER because he was septic. He refused an ambulance ride and said he'd drive himself. We checked hospital records later that day and the man never checked in at the ER. He just continued his drive across state lines.

Maybe there were eventually 2 funerals in Montana that day.

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Final score:

126points

Amy Post

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Jaded Queen 3 years ago

I wonder if he had high pain tolerance. Cellulitis & sepsis HURTS!!

51points

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#32

My mum, before retirement was a diabetic wound care specialist (UK based). One patient (no names were given) she told me about was a gentleman who came in with what looked like lots of ulcers over his leg. For those who don’t know about diabetes, patients have to look after their legs and feet due to circulation issues, due to not looking after their blood sugars. Anyway, this gentleman had these ulcers on his legs and my mum asked “what on earth had happened?!!” Turned out that due to his diabetes he had lost the feeling in his legs and he was chatting away on the telephone, not realising that his new puppy had been chomping away at his legs!!!!

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Final score:

123points

WishIWasAFlapperGirl

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

Oh no, the poor man.

52points

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#33

“Medical Workers Of Bored Panda, What’s The Weirdest Thing A Patient Has Ever Come In With?” (40 Stories) A 'Rampant Rabbit' in the bowel. Amazing x-ray! Ouch.

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Final score:

122points

Bella Sylvester️️

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Pa4040 3 years ago

Wait what? Was that an actual rabbit?? Or is it just the name of some adult toy that I never heard of ?

74points

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#34

I work in an Emergency Operations Centre where the emergency calls come in. Took a call from someone reporting an RTC. Patient wasn't breathing well so I advised the caller to put one hand on the patient's forehead and another hand under their neck and to tilt the head back to open the airways. Caller said 'I'm not going to do that'. When I asked why he said 'He doesn't have a forehead any more'. The patient had jumped from a bridge and then been hit by a lorry and dragged several feet along the tarmac.

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Final score:

122points

Poppy

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Suzanne Clark 3 years ago

Oh my lord!

45points

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#35

Patient was me but it wasn't anything really weird...I got hit by a hockey ball in the face, which hit the bone on my right cheek...very clean and semi-deep cut so blood went EVERYWHERE and fast. Other kids I was training with were horrified, as were coaches. Not going to lie, even with holding pressure against the cut when I turned up in the ER it was hard to tell where I was injured there was so much blood. I looked like Carrie. Traumatised more than a few people. Oops.

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Final score:

117points

Yula Lopez

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Thay 3 years ago

Ouch! My face hurts now but hope yours is all better..... Damn I seriously feel that😆

36points

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#36

When I was about 5 or 6 I shoved a peanut so far up my nose I had to go to hospital to have it removed, the thing that I remember most was how surprised I was that the doctor just dropped the peanut (once removed) down the back of a radiator instead of giving it back to me to eat.

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Final score:

104points

LAWLAWLAW

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iBlank 3 years ago

for me it was a berry off a holly bush... was shooting them out of my nose at my brother, and accidentally breathed in once

41points

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#37

My co worker from years ago was a RN and she was fond of casually telling ER horror stories. One memorable story she told was when this motorcyclist was brought into ER, fully conscious, but he had a broom handle that had impaled him through the stomach, he had somehow run into a broom stick. He had been wearing a leather jacket and the zipper had come out the other side.

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Final score:

92points

BleeBloo

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Laura Mende (Human) 3 years ago

A friend of my dad died when they made a motorcycle tour. That friend's brakes were broken. He flew out of a curve, head first into a tree. He was wearing a helmet, but of course still had a headache. Dad told him to take off his helmet to check for injuries. As the friend takes off the helmet, the skull pops open and the friend falls over dead. The helmet had held his cracked skull together. That was almost 40 years ago, Dad only got to talk about it recently. Even today he can't forgive himself for telling his buddy to take off his helmet. He could live.

80points

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#38

My dad is an er doc and I’ve heard it all. Eyeball hanging out by optic nerve. Saved the eye. Also cysts. Lots and lots of cysts. Cups of pus. I will never be a doctor due to these stories.

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Final score:

84points

Noah Schafer

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Walter Brameld 3 years ago

Does an eye still work the same after that? Seems like the muscles that move it would be torn off. Do they try to reattach them?

33points

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#39

Guy had a penile pump. His wife gave him a powerful bj and the thing popped! He’d come in for a replacement

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Final score:

68points

Hotomato

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Joanna 3 years ago

A replacement for the penis or the pump?

84points

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#40

Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia, i was a fairly nee nurse and the diagnosis was a long shot. It took 8-10 weeks to get the results and by then everyone assumed it was negative. Surprise!!!

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Final score:

64points

Joelle Hodges

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Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago (edited)

Wow! With those kinds of things they usually tell us we've been reading waaaay to much, and come up with weird suggestions. Good on ya for speaking up and thankful they listened to you. I was an experienced nurse and had worked in a hospital where A LOT of docs would never encounter the things we dealt with in their entire careers. At a hospital I worked at later we had a patient where labs said something was wrong with his pancreas and he had a high fever. Scans showed nothing. I suggested to the doc she do something called a Spiral CT. Something not usually done. I suggested this because of what I had encountered at the previous hospital. I said that I'd bet he had an infection in the back of his pancreas. Hard to diagnose. She did, and sure enough there it was. She thanked.me for saving his life.

55points

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#41

Some years ago, I was checking into a hospital so I could get an MRI of my spine. As I was giving my info to the admin person, a man (~50's?) rushed in wearing a woman's robe. He bumped me out of the way and told the woman behind the counter "I need to see a doctor NOW! I got my penis caught in my zipper!" She politely instructed him to stand back and she would go get someone to help him, which she did. I sat there with my jaw on the floor, trying really hard not to look at the poor guy, but you know, train wreck. He moved over to a corner near the doors that medical staff would call people from and was wrestling with his issue. The admin lady came back and apologized for the interruption. We continued with my in processing and someone came to get the poor guy with the zipper mishap. Just as we were about to wrap up, one of the nurses came out to the admin lady, handed her an ID and insurance card and said "We're gonna have to admit this guy. He's into the meat and we need to do surgery".
My admission process was completed by then, so I went to sit and wait for my turn to be seen. I played these events back in my head and just couldn't get over the poor guys condition and appearance. Was he caught in the act of something naughty? Was that his wife's robe? At what point do you decide it might be a good idea to seek medical assistance? Dang!!

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Final score:

25points

D B

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Marilyn Holt 3 years ago

So just here I want to give kudos to every doc, nurse, registrar, assistant--anyone who works in ER because ........how do you do it? I so so so grateful for you all.

31points

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#42

Not a medical worker and not a patient but my little sister once broke her collar bone on a family mountain biking trip. Was in extreme pain but decided not to tell anyone so that she could go swimming later. Jumped into a tube while swimming and ended up breaking it in another place. Had to get screws or whatever. I decided to not know all the details as medical stuff makes me nauseous. She's all good now though, still doing stupid reckless crap and i'm still waiting for her next ER visit.

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Final score:

24points

Rockstar

POST

Timmy Pillinger 2 years ago (edited)

Thing about collarbones, is that you are better off breaking them than the spine they attach to. Which is why it's a good survival thing to have your collarbone go first it's your body's crumple zone

1point

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#43

Why are so many sexual stupid problems are clogging up our ER's? I am not a prude I was a nurse years ago. We had this problem then but I don't think as frequently. People don't want to or can't learn or learn from uneducated media (Facebook and the like) are promoting these problems with gusto! Example if hand sanitizer kills COVID - drink some - it has been done with the same results as COVID! People just use that thing called a brain and maybe it will save your life or save you from a stupid embarrassing situation.

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Final score:

21points

Brian Bennett

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Aeon Flux 3 years ago

Isn't a big percentage of ER cases people who have something unusual stuck in their r****m?

10points

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#44

I used to clean operating rooms at a local hospital. There was a little dumbwaiter type setup that went from the o.r. rooms to the morgue. It was always open when my shift began. Sometimes there were sad things in there (a child's finger), but we were always amazed by the sheer number and variety of things we saw that were removed from peoples butts! The weirdest was a mannequin hand!

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Final score:

21points

Sean Glynn

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Bird Nerd 3 years ago

I don't want to know the story behind the mannequin hand......

9points

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#45

A mom and her adult son came to the ER one Saturday evening with a complaint of "cholesterol crisis."

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Final score:

17points

Jeff Lazar

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Skyler Sage Tang 3 years ago

Heart attack?

10points

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#46

My Grandparents were always at the hospital (both with long-term conditions), and they loved talking to other patients. Grandad got chatting to a man in his early 30s with a hole in his heart. I had been told that is a condition babies Always die from, very soon after birth.

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Final score:

15points

Bonnie Edwards

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Lisa Shaw 3 years ago

Babies don't typically die of a hole in the heart, I have two daughters with holes in the heart and they are 30 and 37 years old, they can live with the hole. Significant holes can be closed, if necessary.

35points

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#47

Not a doctor but I manage medical care so I've seen it all. One lady worked in a cannery for decades. Not young.
Decided she had suffered little bits of metal in her vajayjay from her work. Went to the clinic, spread herself wide, and insisted the poor doctor take a long hard look. Poor guy. She was just crazy is all.

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Final score:

14points

Son of Philosoraptor

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Sue Hazlewood 2 years ago

It's a vagina!

16points

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#48

Not the doctor, I was the patient. Well, one of them. My younger brother and I were taking turns getting spun upside down by my older brother. I was being spun upside down and my younger brother got in the way. My tooth went into his forehead. My brother started bleeding and my tooth got knocked lose. My brother had to get butterfly stiches and I had to wear a retainer for a while. To this day my brother has a tiny scar on his eyebrow and I don't know about now but the second to last time I went to the dentist they said my tooth was still a little lose. I doubt it's still loose though because the orthodontist probably would have mentioned it when I got my braces Monday.

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Final score:

10points

Silver the Sloth (they/them)️‍️️‍️‍️️‍

POST

ArodTheHorrible 2 years ago

Bruh... "to this day" should be more than a couple years

3points

Hey I’m Deutschland Mädchen! I'm a musician, author, and artist. I love musicals and theater! I play the clarinet and the piano mainly, but I did play flute for a year. My favorite key signature (for piano) is Eb. Don't be fooled by my profile picture, I'm not a very fierce person (unless you mess with my instruments). I chose that wolf picture because I liked the colors in the background. I've thought about changing it but someone told me that it would be harder for them to recognize me so it's gonna stay the same for now. If you have any book recommendations, let me know! I love to read and I love talking about a shared series with friends.

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Hey there, Pandas! My name is Diana (though some prefer to refer to me as Diane, Deanna, and even Liana sometimes), and I am a Community Post Moderator Lead for Bored Panda. As my position title states, I am one of the people (employed Pandas for bamboo) over here who work with the community side of things on this website to ensure all is well, and while at that, I also help various creators and artists get recognition for the incredible work they do by connecting them to a large worldwide audience. Other than that, outside of work, you can find me brewing a nice cup of coffee, making a pizza from scratch, or baking brownies. I also love traveling, concerts, and cats (heavy on that, because I am a cat mom).

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What do you think ?

POST

Deutschland Mädchen (Post author) 3 years ago

To those who are commenting negatively on this thread: this was just supposed to be a fun place were people can share some interesting medical stories. No one except for the posters know who the patients are. Thank you KimB for your help in corrections. I didn't mean to offend anyone with this AskPandas. Enjoy your day.

47points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

I loved this thread.

28points

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Anton Kider 3 years ago

No, no it was interesting to read. Thanks for posting.

11points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago (edited)

Second edit: I had to alugh several times, not from cruelty but the "oh yeah been there done that" laugh. People, y'know?

3points

Miguel justino C 3 years ago

It’s fine.

3points

CelticElff 2 years ago

I also enjoyed the article, thank you for the hard work compiling/composing it :)

2points

AK to LV 2 years ago

This is amazing thread! I mean, "she was getting stabbed in the ribs... turns out it's a lamb chop bone in her bra!" 😂

0points

Mary Jeffries 2 years ago

There are very few stories that are identifiable. Even the up the penis/butt ones. Medical people know how much people like to put stuff in their holes.

0points

kit kat 3 years ago

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X YQ 3 years ago

Imagine how many ER visited could be avoided if people stopped shoving stuff in their a$$.

31points

MonsterMum 2 years ago

People won't stop! If they didn't feel shame buying appropriate toys (with flared bases) there would be less 'lost' items. People need educating.

8points

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Seabeast 3 years ago

Today I learned that do-it-yourself sex appears to be the leading cause of visits to the ER. That and drunken bets. I was in a car accident about 24 years ago and they took forever to look at my injuries, but promptly attended to the woman in the next bay who had hurt her back doing some sort of drunken party challenge.

16points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

"do-it-yourself sex?" You are hilarious.

7points

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PandaPops 2 years ago

Work in ER dept.. we had a roast dinner bingo one day. Had one man with a parsnip up his a**s, another with a carrot. A lady who had a piece of lamb stuck in her throat (could still breathe) and a kid with peas up his nose. Good day that one

7points

Kendra Miller 3 years ago (edited)

My mom was mending my dad's pants when she sewed right over her finger. She jerked and the needle broke off in her finger. She cane to me, "I think we need to go to emerg". The doctors didn't believe that it was still in her finger until the x-rayed it. Then they cut her finger open on the fingerprint side and pulled it through. She reminded me to be careful when I sew

7points

mandy the capibara 2 years ago

ha, I've had the exact same accident! I felt a bit ashamed about going to the doctor for it, because it seemed like a minor injury to me, so I first spend an evening pushing and poking it hoping it would pop out like a splinter, which it didn't because it got stuck in the bone. Poor surgeon had a whale of a time trying to get it out, and I got a stern talking to about taking my injuries more seriously ;)

3points

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LW 2 years ago

I had a patient who was African American, born and raised in a southern state. He had such severe mental illness and would lapse into these dissociative states where he would chant neo-nazi slogans and say the most appalling racist things about Jews and Black people. We couldn't let any of the staff who were black anywhere near him because he would just attack them. It was so startling and sad to witness.

5points

CHuZ 2 years ago

I was a junior doctor (F1) doing ward round with my consultant and registrar and went to see a long term patient in a side room. Out of the corner of my eye I see a pair of bare boobs. Turn my head and realise there's a full size blow up sex doll in the corner of his room. Consultant's eyes flickered to it briefly and then carried on talking to the patient. Registrar carried on writing in the patient notes. Patient answered all our questions as normal. We exit the room without any acknowledgement of the sex doll.

4points

Mystery Egg 3 years ago

Not me but one of my oldest friends; when she was on rotation as a 3rd year med student, she did a stint in A&E. One evening a guy came in with two Bic biro pen lids and the handle of a plastic teaspoon down the end of his penis. He had apparently, inserted the pen with the lid on for reasons only known to him. But when he pulled it out, the clip on the lid snagged and remained inside. He poked another pen down, lid first in an attempt to get the first one out but this failed and that lid also snagged and stayed inside. THEN, he inserted the plastic teaspoon handle first, to try and get the two pen lids out but the handle snapped off and it was at this point, that he decided he should probably get to A&E.

4points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

In my stint(s)? Saw same, witha knitting needle. We called in a psych consult.

2points

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Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

ER duty in 2021: Guy comes in hand wrapped up, with a baggie of ice and a finger in it. "Can you put this back on?"... Us: When did it get cut off. Him: Couple days ago. .... That's a no. (Reason he didn't come in: "It doesn't hurt that bad." And people ask why I don't stick with *practice* instead of *research* in medicine?!)

3points

BetterBitterButter 2 years ago

Most of this had me say "why would anyone do that?".

2points

KimB 2 years ago

7 years in the ER taught me never underestimate people doing dumb things lol

0points

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Mistiekim 2 years ago

Outpatient stool collections can be very interesting. Once we got stool in a Walmart bag taped up with masking tape. Just stool in a bag. We also get butter dishes, Tupperware, etc. I always wonder if doctors give their patients containers, or just say collect a sample in whatever. There was also someone who gouged their own eyes out in the ER. Very scary.

2points

Victoria Pitt 2 years ago (edited)

When I was in college, I sat down on the floor only to brush up against my backpack. Inside the bag was an exacto knife, with no cap on. (Graphic arts student) I basically cut a nice one inch hole into my tush. Drove myself to the ER and when I was laying on the table waiting to get stitched up, the nurses were calling the other nurses/doctors whoever into the room to take a look and everyone was giggling. Cool Cool Cool... As a 19 year old, I was mortified. lol

2points

Tobias Reaper 2 years ago

when i was about 4 i was playing with a spring that was from a broken toy i was trying to unwind it not sure why i managed to wind it right into my finger so my mum called an ambulance and they thought she said i had string stuck in my finger and thought it was a joke you would think thats the worst part but no here in the UK at the time the ambulances were on strike so instead a police van turns up and takes me to hospital they numbed my finger took the spring out and out a plaster on there was 2 little marks where the injection was i remember thinking my finger looked like and elephant

2points

Sir Beer Korma 2 years ago

57mm anti-tank shell. "Slipped and fell". https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16923295/bomb-squad-hospital-bottom-shell/

1point

bonnyatlast 3 years ago

I used to babysit for an ER nurse. She told me about a traveling salesman who came into town and hooked up with a prostitute. The lady had a seizure while doing a bj. He punched her in the head trying to get her to release him. He was in shreds and she was all beat up. I was 12. She told me about this when I was 12. I let my mom know. I didn't go back over there again.

1point

C OnlyC 2 years ago

My elderly mother is terrified of young medical personnel because of this type of thread. It all started with an at- home colon screening where she was supposed to defecate directly into a box and mail it. She started to cry and said It can't be correct and if she does the test wrong it will "go viral" even if her name and face isn't used. Her friends show her all sorts of social media and she thinks everyone under 60 in scrubs from the receptionist to the lab tech are mocking her and wanting to shame her even if they don't actually do it. So far I can't get her through the door of any dr office and she did not return any stool sample and will not get her blood work done. What a consequence for poking a little fun to lighten a work day? Is that it? I'm frustrated and sad and hope to find some positive social media to reassure her and I know many are ethical people. She had confidence in medical staff before last fall. I am very nervous about her aging now.

0points

Monica Pryts 2 years ago

So basically it's cheaper and less embarrassing to just buy a sex toy.

0points

Laya Smith 2 years ago (edited)

#16 - shouldn't emergency dispatch sort this out?

0points

Hollyn 2 years ago

There was a women who came in and said aliens had implanted a tiny bomb in here breast.

0points

Deutschland Mädchen (Post author) 2 years ago

And DID they?

0points

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Grady'sRaider 2 years ago

The woman next door told my missus her sister came for a visit prior to going on a very long trip. The sis decided to have her annual pap smear done before she left and asked if she could use the local doctor. Returning from the exam she was furious and threatening to sue for malpractice. When asked what happened, the sis explained she had freshened up and put on a shot of feminine hygiene spray she borrowed from a bathroom cabinet. In the stirrups the doctor had remarked, "How fancy!". The neighbour burst into laughter as she explained that she didn't have any hygiene spray, and the can that was used was glitter from her daughter's school craft project.

0points

Miss Ann Thrope 2 years ago

If the ER can't remove your home-made but plug, you'll need a colostomy. Think on that.

0points

Miss Ann Thrope 2 years ago

Every ER doc has stories of foreign objects men have stuck up their butts,, or stuck their peens into. The worst i heard involved a man and his little dog. The dog died. ER doc said the wrong patient died.

0points

Leslie Harris 2 years ago

some of these are funny. After I got my ears pierced as a child, I had an allergic reaction to Polysporin, huge rash and raw skin. The backing on my earring went in to the lobe through the piercing, off to the ER to get it out. The backing was very small.

0points

Leslie Harris 2 years ago

We didn't know i was allergic to the Polysporin, until we started using it on my earrings :(

1point

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Stevo 3 years ago

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KimB 3 years ago

No names or other personal identifiers have been used no breech of HIPPA

21points

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kit kat 3 years ago

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Jonathan 3 years ago (edited)

Absolutely disagree. The contributors gave no identifying information other than diagnosis/situation. Besides, you can literally buy books about humorous medical situations and mishaps, which often give even more information than these stories do (like locations.)

14points

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Bonnie Edwards 3 years ago

We are not laughing. And as someone who deals with privacy issues at work, I can say that all of these stories have no identifying points at all - except for the Doctor in the story about Cystic Fybrosis, and that is well deserved.

9points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

It's astonishing how often someone feels the need to police others when they have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what they're talking about.

5points

Em Diamond 3 years ago

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KimB 3 years ago

No one is mocking anyone we're sharing stories about things we've encountered and there's no dates times or locations listed anywhere so I don't see how anyone could "identify themselves". Medical professionals are normal everyday people who need to blow off steam just like anyone else and our senses of humor help us cope with what we see and keep our own sanity.

27points

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POST

Deutschland Mädchen (Post author) 3 years ago

47points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

I loved this thread.

28points

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Anton Kider 3 years ago

No, no it was interesting to read. Thanks for posting.

11points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago (edited)

Second edit: I had to alugh several times, not from cruelty but the "oh yeah been there done that" laugh. People, y'know?

3points

Miguel justino C 3 years ago

It’s fine.

3points

CelticElff 2 years ago

I also enjoyed the article, thank you for the hard work compiling/composing it :)

2points

AK to LV 2 years ago

This is amazing thread! I mean, "she was getting stabbed in the ribs... turns out it's a lamb chop bone in her bra!" 😂

0points

Mary Jeffries 2 years ago

There are very few stories that are identifiable. Even the up the penis/butt ones. Medical people know how much people like to put stuff in their holes.

0points

kit kat 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

X YQ 3 years ago

Imagine how many ER visited could be avoided if people stopped shoving stuff in their a$$.

31points

MonsterMum 2 years ago

People won't stop! If they didn't feel shame buying appropriate toys (with flared bases) there would be less 'lost' items. People need educating.

8points

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Seabeast 3 years ago

16points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

"do-it-yourself sex?" You are hilarious.

7points

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PandaPops 2 years ago

7points

Kendra Miller 3 years ago (edited)

7points

mandy the capibara 2 years ago

3points

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LW 2 years ago

5points

CHuZ 2 years ago

4points

Mystery Egg 3 years ago

4points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

In my stint(s)? Saw same, witha knitting needle. We called in a psych consult.

2points

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Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

3points

BetterBitterButter 2 years ago

Most of this had me say "why would anyone do that?".

2points

KimB 2 years ago

7 years in the ER taught me never underestimate people doing dumb things lol

0points

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Mistiekim 2 years ago

2points

Victoria Pitt 2 years ago (edited)

2points

Tobias Reaper 2 years ago

2points

Sir Beer Korma 2 years ago

57mm anti-tank shell. "Slipped and fell". https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16923295/bomb-squad-hospital-bottom-shell/

1point

bonnyatlast 3 years ago

1point

C OnlyC 2 years ago

0points

Monica Pryts 2 years ago

So basically it's cheaper and less embarrassing to just buy a sex toy.

0points

Laya Smith 2 years ago (edited)

#16 - shouldn't emergency dispatch sort this out?

0points

Hollyn 2 years ago

There was a women who came in and said aliens had implanted a tiny bomb in here breast.

0points

Deutschland Mädchen (Post author) 2 years ago

And DID they?

0points

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Grady'sRaider 2 years ago

0points

Miss Ann Thrope 2 years ago

If the ER can't remove your home-made but plug, you'll need a colostomy. Think on that.

0points

Miss Ann Thrope 2 years ago

0points

Leslie Harris 2 years ago

0points

Leslie Harris 2 years ago

We didn't know i was allergic to the Polysporin, until we started using it on my earrings :(

1point

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Stevo 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

KimB 3 years ago

No names or other personal identifiers have been used no breech of HIPPA

21points

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kit kat 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Jonathan 3 years ago (edited)

14points

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Bonnie Edwards 3 years ago

9points

Aeon Flux 3 years ago

It's astonishing how often someone feels the need to police others when they have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what they're talking about.

5points

Em Diamond 3 years ago

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KimB 3 years ago

27points

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