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Right, of course, it is terribly funny when someone is pricking you and probing all your nooks and crannies with some cold metal medical instrument that should belong in a torture museum, no less. It’s even more hilarious when you’re being poked with a needle or told that the only cure for your ailment is a complete overhaul of your lifestyle, including quitting your job. A real ha-ha moment there! Yet, you could always turn the tables around and laugh at something relatable to the subject before you’re the one being laughed at. Do you know where this is going? Yup, you are right; we are presenting our list of medical puns that are as good of a weapon against your nemesis - healthcare - as any. Hopefully, you’ll laugh away your scorn with these hilariously funny hospital puns!
So, what should you expect from these medical puns and jokes? Well, for instance, a good dose of fun aimed at the very same cold metal instruments that belong in a torture museum. After reading these cool puns, the only reaction to seeing a scalpel will be laughter! Then, there’s a good chunk of doctor jokes, too. And once you stop laughing at those silly jokes, you’ll see that a doctor is no white-clad god but just a human like you. So, funny medical puns aimed at instruments, doctors, nurses, prescriptions, and all the inconveniences you endure while at an appointment are laughed at wholeheartedly here. What could be better?
Only one thing - that is you actually scrolling to the hilarious puns themselves and checking them out! Once you are there, give your vote to the ones that made you giggle and share this article with your friends.
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#1
What is it called when you can’t sleep but eat all night instead?
Insomnomnomnia.
Laurie Philie 2 years ago
I have this. Why do I always crave junk food instead of an apple, lol
RELATED:
#2
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
#3
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!
#4
It takes some guts to be an organ donor.
#5
You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.
#6
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
#7
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
#8
Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.
#9
Medical students hate the test on kidney stones, it's the hardest test to pass.
#10
Why don’t yogurt and medicine get along?
One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic!
#11
"Doctor, Doctor! My son just swallowed a roll of film!"
"Let’s hope nothing develops!"
#12
Optometry puns just keep getting cornea!
#13
I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
#14
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine but CAT-scan.
#15
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
Trinity Cottrell 2 years ago
I need to give this to my whole family. It's not easy being the cruisy one in the family and the rest are worrywarts. 😂😂😂
#16
If you steal someone’s heart, do you get cardiac arrested?
#17
Why do nurses bring red markers to work?
Just in case they need to draw blood.
#18
PMS jokes aren't funny; period.
#19
I just had a successful liver transplant operation.
That surgeon really de-livered!
Isabella Anghel 1 year ago
Well that's a problem because now your surgeon needs a liver..You're welcome for ruining the joke
#20
Why do your heart, liver, and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
#21
Why are pediatricians always agitated?
Because they have little patients!
#22
I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls; he'd do anything to get a head.
#23
What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
"Did you hear? The doctor's taking us out tonight."
#24
The plague, the flu, and common cold walk into the room. I asked, “What is this? Some kind of sick joke?”
Clive Jr Moonga 9 months ago
Flu, Common cold and COPD walked into the room. Man, there was congestion 💀💀🤣🤣🤣
#25
A friend of mine made so many rash decisions that he became a dermatologist.
#26
Nurse: "Wow, that cut looks terrible. Do you want me to stitch it up?"
Me: "No, thanks."
Nurse: "Fine, suture self."
#27
I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.
#28
The doctor told a patient, “You have acute appendicitis.” The patient replied, “Is that better than an ugly one?”
#29
What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid!
#30
A little joke when you're sick never hurt antibody.
#31
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. The doctor says it's terminal.
#32
Why did they take paracetamol to prison?
It’s a pain killer.
#33
What is the medical name for owning too many dogs?
A roverdose.
#34
A very nervous patient was admitted to get a blood transfusion at the blood bank. The female nurse told her not to worry and B+!
#35
A patient said to the doctor, "I keep dreaming my eyes change color". The doctor says "It's just a pigment of your imagination".
LisaBlueDragon 2008 2 years ago
My eyes actually change color depending on light and how much melanin I have in my eyes
#36
For years I was against organ transplants. Then I had a change of heart.
#38
What happened to the girl who ate food colouring?
She dyed a little inside.
#39
The funniest thing about transplant nurses is that they cannot stand rejection!
#40
When the lung fell in love it took its breath away.
#41
I woke up this morning coughing badly, think I may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but it’s hard to say.
#42
We be-lung together.
#43
What do your organs do on your birthday?
They cell-ebrate!
#44
Bad medical puns are hard to stomach.
#46
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said "Keep off the Grass."
LadyTia Daniels 2 years ago
And driving into their parking lot there’s a sign that read ‘No Speeding!”
#48
An organ’s favorite boat is a blood vessel.
#49
Eyes make dedicated teachers because they only have one pupil.
#50
I have a joke about the flu but I hope you don't get it.
#51
Nurse: "What’s the condition of the boy who swallowed a quarter?"
Doctor: "No change yet!"
#52
You must go to the foot doctor to get heeled!
#53
Why did the doctor laugh at the X-ray of an arm?
Because he found the X -ray humerus.
#54
Why do eye doctors live so long?
They dilate.
#55
Nurses are very weird and always answer in a negative way. I told my registered nurse friend to stay safe during this pandemic, she just replied, "You stay negative".
Isabella Anghel 1 year ago
Actually in medicine, the whole positive and negative role thing is swapped. Positive typically means bad, negative means good
#56
Two blood vessels fell in love but alas, it was all in vein.
#57
How can you tell if a mummy has a cold?
He starts coffin.
#59
Dentists always get to the root of the problem.
#60
What did one leg say to the other leg on Valentines day?
I kneed you.
#61
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong. It didn't go viral.
#62
What sickness does a martial artist have?
Kung FLU!
#63
Let's take the bird to the hospital for some tweetment!
#64
Where does an owl get medical treatment from?
Dr. Who.
#65
What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot?
"Be positive."
#67
Legs are hereditary. They run in your jeans!
#68
If you hurt your foot while driving, call a toe-truck.
#69
Why did the clown go to the doctors?
Because he was feeling funny.
#70
The medical examiners were told to reduce their spending, so they had to cut coroners.
#71
Why did the cell phone go see an eye doctor?
Because it needed some new contacts.
#73
The computer sneezed because it had a virus.
#74
Be quiet inside a pharmacy, you might wake the sleeping pills!
#75
The infectious diseases ward of the hospital has the best wifi because of all of the hotspots.
#77
A kidney's favorite instrument is the organ.
#78
I had a gut feeling I had food poisoning.
#79
A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow.
#80
A boy asked a doctor why he felt like a pony, the doctor said it’s because you’re a little hoarse.
#81
Why do shoes go to the doctors?
To be heeled.
#82
Once, a man visited a hospital where none of the nurses checked on him. Finally, a female nurse came and told him that she was sorry for the delay. The man calmly replied, "It's fine, I'm patient".
#83
The angry brain lost its nerve!
#87
Where is the best place in the hospital to read 'Auld Lang Syne' and other old poems?
The Serious Burns Unit.
#88
He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.
#90
Where did the duck go when he felt sick?
To the ducktor.
#93
Have you met the new midwives, Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery?
#94
Have you met the new chiropractor, Doctor L. Bow?
#95
The new doctor is such a happy person, have you met Doctor Phil Goode?
#97
Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk?
Because they have your back!
#98
A patient came to the ER with a rash. She was really itching to get out of here.
#100
The new doctor is a real people person, have you met the Dr. Hugh Manatee?
Irishwoman abroad 2 years ago
Oh good grief, just when you think they can't get any worse... 🤦♀️
#106
You know, the heart is the hungriest organ. It has the heartiest appetite.
#110
I went on a date with a Cardio Nurse and my heart was racing the whole time.
#112
One problem with antibiotics is that no matter how popular it gets, it’s never going viral.
#113
Why did the doctors appointment with the centipede take so long?
Because he sprained his ankles.
#119
A snail went to the hospital when it felt sick. The nurse gave the dehydrated, poor animal a snailine solution.
#120
The kidney said to the other, “Urine my thoughts!”
#121
"This surgical knife isn't sharp," the doctor said bluntly.
#125
What did the doctor give the sick snake?
Asp-irin!
#126
I have a patient who is very rude. He's ill-mannered.
#127
Why did the pillow go to the doctors?
They felt a bit stuffy.
#130
Two surgeons were joking so much they had each other in stitches!
#131
Before surgery, the nurse put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left. She said, "Wow! How can you do that?" I said: "I'm ambi-textrous."
#138
What did the doctor say to the sick apple?
We'll get to the core of this.
#140
The nurse badly wanted to pursue her career as a stand-up comedian. In one of the comedy shows, she literally left everyone in the stitches!
#142
What was Zeus' specialty in medical school?
Surge-ery
#143
Where do horses go when they're sick?
The horsepital.
#144
I’m looking for a good medical programme to watch, but I don’t want no Scrubs.
#145
Names are often weird and hilarious. My sister's best friend is a nurse, and one of her sole jobs is inserting tubes in patients. Her name is Catherine!
#146
If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy of the joke.
What do you think ?
Jennifer Muller 2 years ago
Nurse says to the patient "good news or bad news?" Pt says gimme the bad news. Nurse: obamacare doesn't cover the ennima i have to give you. Pt: what's the good news? Nurse: I get to slap the c**p out of you
Jennifer Muller 2 years ago
Nurse says to the patient "good news or bad news?" Pt says gimme the bad news. Nurse: obamacare doesn't cover the ennima i have to give you. Pt: what's the good news? Nurse: I get to slap the c**p out of you
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