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Right, of course, it is terribly funny when someone is pricking you and probing all your nooks and crannies with some cold metal medical instrument that should belong in a torture museum, no less. It’s even more hilarious when you’re being poked with a needle or told that the only cure for your ailment is a complete overhaul of your lifestyle, including quitting your job. A real ha-ha moment there! Yet, you could always turn the tables around and laugh at something relatable to the subject before you’re the one being laughed at. Do you know where this is going? Yup, you are right; we are presenting our list of medical puns that are as good of a weapon against your nemesis - healthcare - as any. Hopefully, you’ll laugh away your scorn with these hilariously funny hospital puns! 

So, what should you expect from these medical puns and jokes? Well, for instance, a good dose of fun aimed at the very same cold metal instruments that belong in a torture museum. After reading these cool puns, the only reaction to seeing a scalpel will be laughter! Then, there’s a good chunk of doctor jokes, too. And once you stop laughing at those silly jokes, you’ll see that a doctor is no white-clad god but just a human like you. So, funny medical puns aimed at instruments, doctors, nurses, prescriptions, and all the inconveniences you endure while at an appointment are laughed at wholeheartedly here. What could be better? 

Only one thing - that is you actually scrolling to the hilarious puns themselves and checking them out! Once you are there, give your vote to the ones that made you giggle and share this article with your friends. 

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone What is it called when you can’t sleep but eat all night instead?

Insomnomnomnia.

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Laurie Philie
Laurie Philie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have this. Why do I always crave junk food instead of an apple, lol

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#2

I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.

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#3

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!

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#4

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone It takes some guts to be an organ donor.

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#5

You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.

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#6

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

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#7

I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

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#8

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.

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#9

Medical students hate the test on kidney stones, it's the hardest test to pass.

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#10

Why don’t yogurt and medicine get along?

One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic!

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#11

"Doctor, Doctor! My son just swallowed a roll of film!"

"Let’s hope nothing develops!"

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#12

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Optometry puns just keep getting cornea!

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#13

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

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#14

Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine but CAT-scan.

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#15

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.

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Trinity Cottrell
Trinity Cottrell
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I need to give this to my whole family. It's not easy being the cruisy one in the family and the rest are worrywarts. 😂😂😂

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#16

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone If you steal someone’s heart, do you get cardiac arrested?

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#17

Why do nurses bring red markers to work?

Just in case they need to draw blood.

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#18

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

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#19

I just had a successful liver transplant operation.

That surgeon really de-livered!

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Isabella Anghel
Isabella Anghel
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well that's a problem because now your surgeon needs a liver..You're welcome for ruining the joke

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#20

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Why do your heart, liver, and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized.

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#21

Why are pediatricians always agitated?

Because they have little patients!

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#22

I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls; he'd do anything to get a head.

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#23

What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?

"Did you hear? The doctor's taking us out tonight."

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#24

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The plague, the flu, and common cold walk into the room. I asked, “What is this? Some kind of sick joke?”

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Clive Jr Moonga
Clive Jr Moonga
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Flu, Common cold and COPD walked into the room. Man, there was congestion 💀💀🤣🤣🤣

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#25

A friend of mine made so many rash decisions that he became a dermatologist.

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#26

Nurse: "Wow, that cut looks terrible. Do you want me to stitch it up?"

Me: "No, thanks."

Nurse: "Fine, suture self."

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#27

I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.

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#28

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The doctor told a patient, “You have acute appendicitis.” The patient replied, “Is that better than an ugly one?”

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#29

What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemon-aid!

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#30

A little joke when you're sick never hurt antibody.

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#31

I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. The doctor says it's terminal.

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#32

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Why did they take paracetamol to prison?

It’s a pain killer.

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#33

What is the medical name for owning too many dogs?

A roverdose.

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#34

A very nervous patient was admitted to get a blood transfusion at the blood bank. The female nurse told her not to worry and B+!

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#35

A patient said to the doctor, "I keep dreaming my eyes change color". The doctor says "It's just a pigment of your imagination".

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LisaBlueDragon 2008
LisaBlueDragon 2008
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My eyes actually change color depending on light and how much melanin I have in my eyes

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#36

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone For years I was against organ transplants. Then I had a change of heart.

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#37

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

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#38

What happened to the girl who ate food colouring?

She dyed a little inside.

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#39

The funniest thing about transplant nurses is that they cannot stand rejection!

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#40

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone When the lung fell in love it took its breath away.

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#41

I woke up this morning coughing badly, think I may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but it’s hard to say.

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Stacy B
Stacy B
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aha...the longest word in the English dictionary and a frequent "visitor" at spelling bees.

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#42

We be-lung together.

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Michelle Horn
Michelle Horn
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Picture this phrase above two cute lungs on an anniversary card

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#43

What do your organs do on your birthday?

They cell-ebrate!

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#44

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Bad medical puns are hard to stomach.

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#45

What did the bladders say to each other on Valentines day?

Urine my thoughts.

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#46

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said "Keep off the Grass."

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LadyTia Daniels
LadyTia Daniels
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And driving into their parking lot there’s a sign that read ‘No Speeding!”

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#47

Mind neuron business.

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#48

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone An organ’s favorite boat is a blood vessel.

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#49

Eyes make dedicated teachers because they only have one pupil.

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#50

I have a joke about the flu but I hope you don't get it.

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#51

Nurse: "What’s the condition of the boy who swallowed a quarter?"

Doctor: "No change yet!"

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#52

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone You must go to the foot doctor to get heeled!

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#53

Why did the doctor laugh at the X-ray of an arm?

Because he found the X -ray humerus.

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#54

Why do eye doctors live so long?

They dilate.

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#55

Nurses are very weird and always answer in a negative way. I told my registered nurse friend to stay safe during this pandemic, she just replied, "You stay negative".

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Isabella Anghel
Isabella Anghel
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually in medicine, the whole positive and negative role thing is swapped. Positive typically means bad, negative means good

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#56

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Two blood vessels fell in love but alas, it was all in vein.

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#57

How can you tell if a mummy has a cold?

He starts coffin.

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#58

The frog went to the hospital to have a hop-eration!

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#59

Dentists always get to the root of the problem.

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#60

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone What did one leg say to the other leg on Valentines day?

I kneed you.

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#61

I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong. It didn't go viral.

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#62

What sickness does a martial artist have?

Kung FLU!

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#63

Let's take the bird to the hospital for some tweetment!

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#64

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Where does an owl get medical treatment from?

Dr. Who.

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#65

What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot?

"Be positive."

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#66

Conversations between brain surgeons can be mind-numbing.

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#67

Legs are hereditary. They run in your jeans!

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#68

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone If you hurt your foot while driving, call a toe-truck.

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#69

Why did the clown go to the doctors?

Because he was feeling funny.

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#70

The medical examiners were told to reduce their spending, so they had to cut coroners.

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#71

Why did the cell phone go see an eye doctor?

Because it needed some new contacts.

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Terrie Young-Melancon
Terrie Young-Melancon
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 hope he got clear Lenses

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#72

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone A brain goes on vacation to a hippo-camp-us!

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#73

The computer sneezed because it had a virus.

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#74

Be quiet inside a pharmacy, you might wake the sleeping pills!

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#75

The infectious diseases ward of the hospital has the best wifi because of all of the hotspots.

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#76

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Statistically, nine out of ten injections are in vein.

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#77

A kidney's favorite instrument is the organ.

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#78

I had a gut feeling I had food poisoning.

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#79

A pharmacist gave the wrong prescription, which was a bitter pill to swallow.

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#80

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone A boy asked a doctor why he felt like a pony, the doctor said it’s because you’re a little hoarse.

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#81

Why do shoes go to the doctors?

To be heeled.

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#82

Once, a man visited a hospital where none of the nurses checked on him. Finally, a female nurse came and told him that she was sorry for the delay. The man calmly replied, "It's fine, I'm patient".

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#83

The angry brain lost its nerve!

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#84

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone What do you give a sick pig?

Oink-ment!

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#85

Why did the book go to the doctor?

Someone broke its spine.

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#86

The doctor knew she was destined to be an osteopath, she could feel it in her bones.

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#87

Where is the best place in the hospital to read 'Auld Lang Syne' and other old poems?

The Serious Burns Unit.

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#88

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.

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#89

The fastest thing on your face is your nose. It’s always running.

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#90

Where did the duck go when he felt sick?

To the ducktor.

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#91

The best dermatologists start their careers from scratch.

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#92

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone What do you call a medical operation to see inside an ocean?

A biop-sea.

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#93

Have you met the new midwives, Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery?

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#94

Have you met the new chiropractor, Doctor L. Bow?

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#95

The new doctor is such a happy person, have you met Doctor Phil Goode?

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#96

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell.

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#97

Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk?

Because they have your back!

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#98

A patient came to the ER with a rash. She was really itching to get out of here.

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#99

Why can't you leave painkillers near a bird cage?

Because the paracetamol.

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#100

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The new doctor is a real people person, have you met the Dr. Hugh Manatee?

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Irishwoman abroad
Irishwoman abroad
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh good grief, just when you think they can't get any worse... 🤦‍♀️

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#101

The sick pig went to the hospital in a ham-bulance!

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#102

A doctor gets mad when it runs out of patients!

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#103

Why did the snowman go to the doctors?

He felt a bit chilly.

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#104

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Why did the window go to the doctor?

It had a lot of pane.

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#105

I hope you find this humerus.

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#106

You know, the heart is the hungriest organ. It has the heartiest appetite.

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#107

Which part of your body likes to drink milk?

Your calf!

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#108

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The bacteria posted a video online hoping, it would go viral.

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#109

The medical student failed anatomy because she just couldn't cut it.

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#110

I went on a date with a Cardio Nurse and my heart was racing the whole time.

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#111

It’s going tibia OK!

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#112

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone One problem with antibiotics is that no matter how popular it gets, it’s never going viral.

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#113

Why did the doctors appointment with the centipede take so long?

Because he sprained his ankles.

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#114

Why did the rope go to the doctors?

Because it had a knot in its stomach.

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#115

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The Ultra Sound guy.

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#116

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The new doctor is very sweet, have you met Doctor Pepper?

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#117

Where did the boat go to sleep?

The doc.

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#118

What did one shin say to another on Valentines day?

I want tibia with you.

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#119

A snail went to the hospital when it felt sick. The nurse gave the dehydrated, poor animal a snailine solution.

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#120

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The kidney said to the other, “Urine my thoughts!”

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#121

"This surgical knife isn't sharp," the doctor said bluntly.

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#122

When the cat was sick it wasn't feline well!

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#123

The most common operation in a hospital made out of LEGO is plastic surgery!

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#124

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone What do you call a fish with a medical degree?

A Sturgeon.

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#125

What did the doctor give the sick snake?

Asp-irin!

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#126

I have a patient who is very rude. He's ill-mannered.

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#127

Why did the pillow go to the doctors?

They felt a bit stuffy.

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#128

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?

The hip replacement guy.

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#129

How do doctors help rockets?

They give the rockets their booster shots.

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#130

Two surgeons were joking so much they had each other in stitches!

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#131

Before surgery, the nurse put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left. She said, "Wow! How can you do that?" I said: "I'm ambi-textrous."

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#132

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone Urine: the opposite of ‘you’re out.’

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#133

The beekeeper went to the doctor because she had hives.

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#134

Where do ghosts go when they're sick?

To the witch doctor!

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#135

What do you call an alligator's nurse?

Gator-aid.

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#136

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The banana went to the hospital because it was not peeling well.

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#137

What music do eye doctors prefer?

iTunes.

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#138

What did the doctor say to the sick apple?

We'll get to the core of this.

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#139

At night, you have to wait ages for an X-ray because there's only skeleton staff working.

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#140

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone The nurse badly wanted to pursue her career as a stand-up comedian. In one of the comedy shows, she literally left everyone in the stitches!

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#141

Are you kidney-ing me?

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#142

What was Zeus' specialty in medical school?

Surge-ery

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#143

Where do horses go when they're sick?

The horsepital.

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#144

147 Medical Puns That’ll Tickle Your Funny Bone I’m looking for a good medical programme to watch, but I don’t want no Scrubs.

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#145

Names are often weird and hilarious. My sister's best friend is a nurse, and one of her sole jobs is inserting tubes in patients. Her name is Catherine!

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#146

If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy of the joke.

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#147

The cookie went to the hospital because it was feeling crummy!

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