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People Who Are 40 And Over Share Their Biggest Regrets So You Can Learn From Their Mistakes
Many people enjoy boasting about having zero regrets and standing by every decision they’ve ever made. And while dwelling on the past can be harmful, is it really so bad to reflect on our lives and wish we had done just a few things differently?
Redditors over 40 have been opening up about the biggest regrets they have from their youth, so we’ve gathered some of their thoughts below. Whether they wish they had started a skincare routine sooner or feel that they missed out on valuable time with their parents, we appreciate their honesty. Enjoy reading through and reflecting on your own choices, and be sure to upvote the replies that remind you not to make the same mistakes!
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#1
Not asking older family members more questions about our family and forebears while they were still alive.
#2
Caring too much about what others thought of me.
ILoveMySon 10 months ago
Remember, people don't think about you as much as you believe. Care for yourself first.
#3
Thinking I needed a romantic partner to be happy. I stayed in an abusive marriage for so long because I couldn’t imagine doing things alone. It is infinitely better to be alone than in a bad relationship. When I choose to be in a relationship again, it will be because I’m happy and compatible with the person, not because I don’t want to be alone.
Daniela Lavanza 10 months ago
This should be higher. A close friend was in that case: being told by his awful wife he couldn't make it alone, he stayed with far too long. Having a relationship should always imply a GOOD one. If it's not the case, leave and don't look back.
#4
Not setting firm boundaries with people. Givers have to set limits because takers have no limits.
#6
Not enjoying being single. Looking back my social interactions were centered around finding the one. I should have just enjoyed getting to know people
Jahl 10 months ago
My happiest memories are all of me when I was single. I have some when I was in a committed relationship but they're spoiled by the partner being a jerk. So it's hard to remember. But I have more happy memories when I was single that make me smile now. I wish I had a lot more
#7
I should've started traveling much earlier in life, while i was still young & fit. That & not taking better care of my teeth
#8
Not saving money is a big one. The younger you are simple things like a dollar a day, or 10-20 etc in an account that you don’t withdrawal from.
#9
Not cutting myself some goddamn slack. Life isn’t a quest for perfection.
#10
I’m 40 and I regret spending 36 years of my life in the Mormon church.
I wish I would have actually lived my life. I wish I would have had a chance to have a couple of wild years and have fun. Explore my sexuality. Make more diverse friendships. It sounds silly but my biggest one is dressing cute. I am so sad that I wasted my youth wearing knee length shorts and tshirts. I was so young and cute and I wish I could go back and wear a bikini.
I also got married when I was 19. Young marriage is quietly encouraged in the Mormon church. I actually don’t regret that because I adore my husband and we have a fantastic relationship. I do regret making him join the church of course.
Edited to add…it wasn’t about just dressing sexy and showing skin. It’s about being taught that my body wasn’t my own and that it was something dirty that needed to be hidden. My mom altering my prom dress into a matronly monstrosity. It was all the times I was miserable in the summer wearing my magic mormon underwear under my clothes.
TheBlueBitterfly 10 months ago
Never understood religions that made women or men feel ashamed of their bodies. Bodies that supposedly were created by "God" and in his/her/its image. So why the shame? Wouldn't you want to celebrate and honor it? 🤔 "magic Mormon underwear" made me giggle.
#11
Seems so cliche but I did not wear enough sunscreen. I used to do the whole lay out with baby oil so I could get a "savage" tan. How stupid. Now my face looks like a topographic map of California. Wear sunscreen kids!
Molly Whuppie 10 months ago
As every Australian is taught practically from birth, Slip Slop Slap. Slip on a shirt, Slop on Sunscreen and Slap on a hat. Even on cloudy days, because it's not the sun that causes skin cancer, it's the UV exposure and that can happen even when it's overcast.
#12
Not enjoying it more , didn't realize how fast my younger years would pass
#13
Living life on other people’s terms, and not mine. Young people: it’s YOUR life. YOU are entitled to live it the way YOU want. ❤️
Ali H M Salehuddin 10 months ago
Do this in moderation. I think I've seen far too many self-centered persons.
#14
Stretching and maintaining muscle mass. When I had kids I stopped both and it took a decade to get that back. Treat your body well. Something happens around 38 and the better shape you are in the better your 40’s and after will feel.
#15
Not appreciating how lovely I was
Brigitte 10 months ago
Alexia and StrangeOne: You two are missing the point here. It's not what other think about you. It's not about catcalling or people telling you, you are pretty/ugly. It's about yourself, your own opinion. People tend to think: I wish I was prettier/thinner/taller... Fast forward 10 years and the same people think: I wish I was as pretty as I was 10 years ago. And the cycle continues. Most of the time we look back but we need to appreciate ourselves now. It's about loving yourself.
#16
I wish so badly that I'd connected more with my dad... he loved me so deeply and was so proud, followed all of my accomplishments and supported everything I did, always bragged aboutme.
I never ignored him and we hugged and would chat when I'd come home during/soon after college, but I was just always too busy as I grew oldet... then just like that I'm woken up in the middle of the night to a phone call that he's gone.
I'm blessed to have had a father like him, many don't get that, and also blessed to have had him in my first 25 years of life, many don't get that either, but I still miss him terribly and get very sad when holidays come and the whole family celebrates with my wife and 3 kids. He'd have been such a great grandpa because he was such a great dad.
I miss you old man, sorry I never took the time to be closer... I love you always pops.
#17
Not realizing people who traumatized me wanted to dull/kill my beautiful shine. I thought there was something inherently wrong with me. That wasn’t the case at all.
Jill Rhodry 10 months ago
Also, don't carry the shame of what the traumatisers did to you; the shame is theirs not yours.
#19
Not having the confidence to say “f**k this, I want better.”
#20
Worrying so much. In hindsight all that stuff seem so silly now.
#22
Not learning a musical instrument. I’m trying now but it’s harder at my ancient age.
#23
Trusting authority figures and older adults above my own instinct on things.
Alexia 10 months ago (edited)
Wow, this is so me. I should have moved away and cut ties with my toxic, abusive family much earlier. But I listened to relatives, family friends and priests at church, who'd constantly harass me to "get over it, it's your father, he has the right to treat you like s**t and you must respect him no matter what".
#24
1. Save a bit of money. Yeah, enjoy it, but save some too.
2. Don’t waste time chasing girls. Those that want chasing aren’t worth it.
3. Don’t smoke.
4. Stay close to your friends, don’t drop them.
5. Listen to your parents. Respect them. They won’t be there forever.
6. Be in family pictures. Even if you look like s**t, can be arsed.
#25
Thinking you won't age. You will and it will hit you fast. Take care of younger self so older self will have a great retirment.
Also, take lots of pics and make sure to have backups.
Lavern Defazio 10 months ago
Yes. Before you know it, you make plans around places that have readily available toilets.
#26
Nothing. I’d do it all again. f**k ups and failures too.
#27
The biggest thing for me is not recognizing when it’s time to quit something. Of course there’s something to be said for sticking it out, to a point, but you also have to recognize when a situation is just not right for you and move on. I stayed in certain relationships and jobs for way too long because I was too lazy or too scared to make a change. College, too…. I hate the college I graduated from, and looking back should have transferred after my first year, but was too scared or thought I couldn’t.
#28
Disrespecting my parents when I was a teenager. They really *did* know what they were talking about, I was just too much of a s**thead to see it
TheBlueBitterfly 10 months ago
That's pretty much universal for the teenager/parent relationship.
#29
Spending most of my 20s drunk. I don't regret all the fun, because it was great fun. But I could have had that same fun without being so wasted. I kicked it in my early 30s, don't miss it.
#30
Not getting the mental health assistance I desperately needed.
I've suffered from anxiety and mild depression since my teen years. In part, it made me a recluse and a social outcast because I felt I was unable to interact properly with people and the world.
Today, on meds, I am a different person. I no longer fear social interactions, and if I was aware of the results back when I was a teen, I likely would have made better decisions for myself.
Jenna Kay 10 months ago
I did not get help for my severe depression until I was 44. I woke up every day for more than 30 years trying to think of a reason to keep living; I went to bed every night hoping that maybe the next day would be better. When I started my meds the whole world changed for me. I had no idea that life could be full of every day joys, that your chest could feel light, that you could look forward to things . I advocate to every single person I know who struggles with depression and anxiety to get help and not to wait. I never want anyone to go through what I went through, to feel worthless and heavy, or feel as if the world would be better without you - because it's just not true! we all have a purpose, even if it's just a little one, and we deserve to feel love and respect, joy, and friendship. Be well, my fellow Pandas - don't wait to get help if you need it.
#31
Spending too much time worrying about love and not enough time concentrating on happiness.
#32
Wasting time. I threw away so much time. Time wasted doing nothing. Time wasted not being spent with the people that I love. Not paying attention to them and showing them my love. In the end, we don't run out of love, money, breath.... We run out of time.
#33
Not learning a second language. Trying to do it now is hard AF!!!
Ace 10 months ago
You really need to find a way of using it, not just learning it. Spend some time in another country, ideally. Only when you're forced to use it do you start developing any real level of competency. (Source: a Brit who's lived in French and German speaking parts of France and Switzerland for the last 20+ years).
#34
**Deferring too readily to the judgment of others.** I had the naive belief that other people had my best interest at heart. Speak up for yourself. Defend your own decisions. No one is out there waiting to make you a star.
#35
Not voting in anything but presidential elections. I feel like my whole generation got tricked into letting the boomers stay in control because we didn’t understand the importance of local and state level politics. Your vote can make a difference but you have to vote in ALL the elections and you have to have patience because it takes time for people to rise in politics and for policies to get enacted.
Lavern Defazio 10 months ago (edited)
Vote! From your school board to the major elections. People dont realize how important even the "Minor" elections are.
#37
Not being careful with my credit. I got my first credit card at 18 and went absolutely crazy. It’s taken me years to climb up to decent credit and even more years to get to excellent credit.
#39
Lack of skills in relation to carpentry/electrical/plumbing etc...wish I would have went to vocational school the last couple years of high school
#40
Not saving for my retirement as soon as I got a job when I was 18, started at 25. I’m 43 now, won’t retire until I’m closer to 70
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 10 months ago
Retire?! 🥹😁😅😂🤣🥲😣😖😢😕 They’re right, kids. Start saving now.
#41
Not buying a property because my mother had a negative opinion about it. I would say make your own mind up, have the strength to follow your instincts. That was 30 years ago and I still feel regret every time I see the property.
hearditontheX 10 months ago
Hard to ignore parents opinion. Parents need to be supportive even if they have some negative opinions. Especially when you're an adult
#42
Not investing and not appreciating people who love you.
Alexia 10 months ago (edited)
It took me years to realize that the person who genuinely loved me and appreciated me most was my grandmother. She was beaming with pride telling everyone how amazing her granddaughter was. She'd save money from her very small pension to give it to me (knowing that my parents wouldn't give me a penny). She'd knit clothes for me and bring me flowers from her own garden and eggs from her chickens. But at the time I didn't see all these. I was busy trying to please my abusive, toxic parents (who were never satisfied, no matter how hard I tried) :(
#43
Wish I would have put more money away early, somewhere safe where the money grows and I don't touch.
#44
Speaking too quick not listening and thinking more.
#45
Too afraid of getting rejected. Even when a girl showed interest it typically had to be overly obvious for me to act.
censorshipsucks 10 months ago
Me too. The saying goes : You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
#46
I have to say not being a kinder person and not realizing how important it is to save more
H. B. Nielsen 10 months ago (edited)
And if you have the luxury of living at home for a discounted rate as some are fortunate enough to do, save x10. You'll likely never get the chance again once that ends. Build that nest egg like your life depends on it and make the sacrifices it takes to get there.
#47
I had about $100,000 to my name when I was 24/25. A guy told me to invest in a new company called Netflix. I went to a Fidelity website
and tried to use $50,000 of what I had, but it was so f*****g confusing I couldn't figure it out and eventually just gave up.
I can't remember the exact price at the time but I remember dividing the amount I wanted to invest in half so it was probably about 2 bucks. I would have had 25,000 shares of Netflix.
F**k.
#48
Saving. I'm 59 now and will have to work til I croak. Why didn't I save all that bday cash.
#49
Not going harder at everything, thinking I had time.
You dont.
#50
Not coming out when I was in high school
Lavern Defazio 10 months ago
Well, this was a dangerous option back then. I came out at 18 to my mom. Thats the only person that it mattered for me to tell. F*** everyone else.
What do you think ?
Scarlett O'Hara's Ghost 10 months ago
You'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago (edited)
For me it was letting family members talk me into getting married and having children. They said "you'll regret it if you don't find someone and settle down". Except after 2 children, both of whom caused my body a plethora of physical problems, the relationship became abusive, physically, emotionally, and financially. Took years to break away and even 25 years later, I'm still recovering physically and financially. I was enjoying being single and happy but women at that time were expected to have families. Don't let anyone talk you into a marriage or family you don't want. Edit for spelling and grammar.
Lavendar rose 10 months ago
For me, not going to college. My mom wanted me to work right out of high school so I could help pay bills. Now in my 40s I have nothing to show for.
Trisec Tebeakesse 10 months ago
I'm only a First Class Scout. All my friends are Eagles. This was 40 years ago now.
Lisa T 10 months ago
For me, it would be prioritise my health - eat healthy and exercise. Being naturally skinny didn’t mean I was healthy. I’m 52 now, a lot bigger, and with various health problems. Also a good skin care routine. I had good skin, which to me meant it will always look good. It’s not terrible now, but could have been better if I looked after it
Noname 10 months ago
For me, letting myself laugh more at everything - my mistakes and the stuff I couldn't control. The ability to laugh was one of my best coping devices that pulled me through some serious stuff. When I stopped laughing, I stopped being able to cope. Life is meant to feel good and when you can laugh at yourself, it makes things easier. Don't stop laughing or looking for the funnier side of things!!
Noname 10 months ago
My ex hubby won't look at me, but I can still make him laugh. He tries to hide it, but when we have to engage for our kids, i can make him laugh. And he both loves and hates this superpower of mine.
Load More Replies...
Steve Hall 10 months ago
No regrets, the mistakes you made are in the past, stand tall and move on.
Noname 10 months ago
My dad used to say, "this, too, shall pass", and "today is the 1st day of the rest of your life". But you said it better.
Load More Replies...
Nigel Sulley 10 months ago
Don't be too much an overachiever at work.. your boss will eventually retire or move on and you will get stuck with a boss that is younger than you and has no clue of how hard you worked and will most likely treat you like c**p. REALLY wish i had thought about that at a younger age lol.
Stannous Flouride 10 months ago
I wish I'd known about my Asperger's when I was young. I know in retrospect that I lost many relationships and opportunities because I was blind to the other person's intentions and signals. I was in my 60s when I found out and realized I'll never have another SO relationship.
Snowhoepandapro 10 months ago
Only regret I have is believing adults knew better, turns out that's not really the case.
David Paterson 10 months ago
Fear of failure. Fear of success. Why fear of success, because success brings more hard work. I wish I hadn't feared either.
Scarlett O'Hara's Ghost 10 months ago
You'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago (edited)
For me it was letting family members talk me into getting married and having children. They said "you'll regret it if you don't find someone and settle down". Except after 2 children, both of whom caused my body a plethora of physical problems, the relationship became abusive, physically, emotionally, and financially. Took years to break away and even 25 years later, I'm still recovering physically and financially. I was enjoying being single and happy but women at that time were expected to have families. Don't let anyone talk you into a marriage or family you don't want. Edit for spelling and grammar.
Lavendar rose 10 months ago
For me, not going to college. My mom wanted me to work right out of high school so I could help pay bills. Now in my 40s I have nothing to show for.
Trisec Tebeakesse 10 months ago
I'm only a First Class Scout. All my friends are Eagles. This was 40 years ago now.
Lisa T 10 months ago
For me, it would be prioritise my health - eat healthy and exercise. Being naturally skinny didn’t mean I was healthy. I’m 52 now, a lot bigger, and with various health problems. Also a good skin care routine. I had good skin, which to me meant it will always look good. It’s not terrible now, but could have been better if I looked after it
Noname 10 months ago
For me, letting myself laugh more at everything - my mistakes and the stuff I couldn't control. The ability to laugh was one of my best coping devices that pulled me through some serious stuff. When I stopped laughing, I stopped being able to cope. Life is meant to feel good and when you can laugh at yourself, it makes things easier. Don't stop laughing or looking for the funnier side of things!!
Noname 10 months ago
My ex hubby won't look at me, but I can still make him laugh. He tries to hide it, but when we have to engage for our kids, i can make him laugh. And he both loves and hates this superpower of mine.
Load More Replies... Steve Hall 10 months ago
No regrets, the mistakes you made are in the past, stand tall and move on.
Noname 10 months ago
My dad used to say, "this, too, shall pass", and "today is the 1st day of the rest of your life". But you said it better.
Load More Replies... Nigel Sulley 10 months ago
Don't be too much an overachiever at work.. your boss will eventually retire or move on and you will get stuck with a boss that is younger than you and has no clue of how hard you worked and will most likely treat you like c**p. REALLY wish i had thought about that at a younger age lol.
Stannous Flouride 10 months ago
I wish I'd known about my Asperger's when I was young. I know in retrospect that I lost many relationships and opportunities because I was blind to the other person's intentions and signals. I was in my 60s when I found out and realized I'll never have another SO relationship.
Snowhoepandapro 10 months ago
Only regret I have is believing adults knew better, turns out that's not really the case.
David Paterson 10 months ago
Fear of failure. Fear of success. Why fear of success, because success brings more hard work. I wish I hadn't feared either.
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