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Person Travels 6 Hours, Gets Groceries For Weekend Stay At Sister’s Home, She Charges Them $250
Interview With Expert
Money struggles can often bring out the worst in a person. When finances are tight, folks tend to start budgeting aggressively and haggling over every penny. If they take things too far, money might even cause a wedge in their personal relationships.
This is what happened to a woman who suddenly sprung a $250 charge on her sibling after they stayed at her home over the weekend. The shocked family member reached out to Reddit for advice on this absurd situation.
More info: Reddit
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Sister with 6 kids invites sibling and their family over to her house for a weekend stay, then suddenly charges them $250 at the end of the visit
Image credits: Jonas Junk (not the actual photo)
The poster’s married sister invited them and their family for a weekend stay at her house, they agreed and drove 6 hours to visit her
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
During the get-together, the sister kept bringing up the topic of inflation and the cost of feeding a family
Image credits: u/Reasonable_Exam_4759
When the trip ended, the poster’s sister asked them to pitch in for the costs of the weekend and expected them to pay $250
The Original Poster (OP) shared that their sister had invited them and their family to stay at her house for the weekend. They had to travel 6 hours to reach her house. Before arriving, they did a grocery run to avoid finishing all of the sister’s food. The OP and their family were considerate enough also to buy the drinks, bread, and other things they ate together to avoid burdening the sister with too much.
All of this thoughtfulness was still not enough for the sister, who kept bringing up inflation and the cost of feeding a family. Things became clearer when the poster was ready to leave at the end of the weekend. That’s when the woman suddenly asked if they’d pitch in and pay a “fair” share of $250 to cover their costs.
The OP was blindsided by the charge but paid it anyway without confronting their sister. They also mentioned that she has a large family of 6 kids to look after. Although they didn’t believe in fighting over the unexpected charge, it was quite an unpleasant situation to be put in. Bored Panda contacted Jodi RR Smith, the president and owner of Mannersmith, for her perspective on the situation.
Jodi is an etiquette consultant specializing in social and professional conduct. Working with individuals, corporations, and other organizations, Jodi educates in a way that is both instructional and entertaining, helping her clients increase their confidence levels and achieve success in today’s world. She said that “the most basic tenet of hosting is: The one who does the asking does the paying. This [goes] for dates as well as overnight guests. Since the hosting sister invited the visiting sister, it is presumed the visit (i.e. staying overnight) was free.”
Jodi explained that “generally, there is a power relationship at play that also is taken into account when hosting. If an older cousin invites a much younger cousin to visit, it is presumed that most of the costs will be covered by the older, hosting cousin. The younger cousin should be arriving with a small host-gift and should be helping around the house, tidying after themselves, and being a pleasant guest. For friends of similar means, it is presumed that staying and eating in the home is free, but when going out for dinner, each would pay for their own meals.”
Netizens were shocked by the sister’s audacity, and some joked that maybe it was her “side hustle.” It isn’t uncommon for hosts to ask their guests to pitch in, and it’s more acceptable in certain social situations. One such event is a potluck where other people will assist in providing refreshments. Another is a fundraiser where folks are expected to pay to attend or donate money during the event.
Image credits: fauxels (not the actual photo)
Experts state that it’s okay for hosts to expect their guests to contribute to the cost of the event, but these expectations should be communicated beforehand. This will help the invited people make an informed decision about whether to attend or not. A random bill at the end of the gathering is definitely not the way to go.
Jodi RR Smith explained this further. She said: “When inviting others for an overnight visit, a preemptive conversation is required. If a host wants a monetary contribution from a guest, that is perfectly acceptable so long as it is discussed in detail (including specific amounts) in advance and when the payment is expected. What is not allowed is a bait and switch, where the guest thinks they have been invited for a stay but suddenly finds out they were a customer instead. If the sister wants money to cover the groceries, she should mention that in advance.”
Guests who’ve been suddenly billed by their host might become wary of similar demands in the future. In such a case, they can respectfully decline future invitations from the person, especially if it’s not specified who will bear the event’s costs. It seems like the OP was also thinking similarly as they told commenters, “I don’t see myself going there anytime soon.”
Another way to handle the situation is to talk to the host about the situation and be honest about your feelings. It’s best not to harbor resentment because it can only cause a rift in the relationship over time. People also say that the guest can gently push back against a sudden financial obligation like this and calmly confront the demanding host.
Jodi shared a useful tactic guests could use if they suddenly find themselves met with a big bill from their host. She said: “start with surprise and an apology. ‘Oh! I am so sorry; I clearly did not understand. I thought you had invited me for a visit. Can you help me understand what this $250 is for?’ Listen to their response, and ask for clarification ‘Did we talk about this before? Did I forget?’ Then, thank them for their answers and let them know you need to be able to process this turn of events. How you proceed will depend on your personal budget, your relationship with this individual, and what you anticipate your relationship to be with this individual in the future.”
It is definitely a tough situation to find yourself in. Nobody wants to show up for a fun family weekend only to be stuck with a surprise bill at the end of it. The OP handled this interaction in a way that worked for them, but posters said that they probably should have stood up to their sister. What would you have done if someone invited you to stay at their house and then unexpectedly charged you for it?
Folks were baffled by the entitlement of the poster’s sister and felt that her actions were quite rude
Image credits: Stas Tsibro (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Sunny Day 5 months ago
I don't think this was "pay for stay". I think sister is having money problems and didn't know how to ask for help. You might help her look for assistance programs, or send her a couple hundred $ a month for groceries if you can afford it. 6 kids must be like feeding a hoard of locusts.
Libstak 5 months ago (edited)
They did a grocery run before arriving, plus drinks, that's correct level of consideration and more than enough. She is, however, probably desperate to find creative ways to make ends meet with 6 kids so as a sibling I would forgive her. Incidentally, all those shocked that OP had cash available surprise me. I am like OP, always carry 4 or 500 dollars when travelling, you never know when power outrages hit the cash machines or when there might be a cash only bargain, that and other emergencies when away from home...what if you are hacked and can't access your accounts?
I_imagine_even_worse_w***s 5 months ago
About 10 years ago myself and my partner ran into an issue with this on a bank holiday weekend. My partner was on a stag close to home and his card literally broke coming out of the machine. There was an issue with my bank that weekend and because it was a holiday there wasn't much we could do about it. We scraped every penny we had in the apartment but it was so tight. We did eventually figure out that his card still worked for tapping for up to €30 but couldn't do cash back so we managed but since then we always keep some emergency cash!
Load More Replies... Sunny Day 5 months ago
I don't think this was "pay for stay". I think sister is having money problems and didn't know how to ask for help. You might help her look for assistance programs, or send her a couple hundred $ a month for groceries if you can afford it. 6 kids must be like feeding a hoard of locusts.
Libstak 5 months ago (edited)
They did a grocery run before arriving, plus drinks, that's correct level of consideration and more than enough. She is, however, probably desperate to find creative ways to make ends meet with 6 kids so as a sibling I would forgive her. Incidentally, all those shocked that OP had cash available surprise me. I am like OP, always carry 4 or 500 dollars when travelling, you never know when power outrages hit the cash machines or when there might be a cash only bargain, that and other emergencies when away from home...what if you are hacked and can't access your accounts?
I_imagine_even_worse_w***s 5 months ago
About 10 years ago myself and my partner ran into an issue with this on a bank holiday weekend. My partner was on a stag close to home and his card literally broke coming out of the machine. There was an issue with my bank that weekend and because it was a holiday there wasn't much we could do about it. We scraped every penny we had in the apartment but it was so tight. We did eventually figure out that his card still worked for tapping for up to €30 but couldn't do cash back so we managed but since then we always keep some emergency cash!
Load More Replies...
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