ADVERTISEMENT

Marriage is a journey through incredible heights, really low valleys, and a whole bunch of ordinary in between.

But even though this union is one of the most complex relationships people can have, somehow spouses manage to find humor in nearly every aspect of it. What's even more impressive, they can do it with fewer than 280 characters.

So we at Bored Panda decided to acknowledge them in the most appropriate way and collected all of their funniest tweets about married life, trying to provide these observations with the attention they deserve. Trust me, they paint such a vivid picture, you'll get a kick out of everything even if you're single!

RELATED:

    In the near future, however, we might see less and less of these tweets since more U.S. adults are delaying marriage – or foregoing it altogether. Now, most Americans find cohabitation acceptable, even for couples who don't plan to get married, according to a Pew Research Center survey. But even so, most of them still think society is better off if couples in long-term relationships eventually get married.

    The share of U.S. adults who are currently married has declined modestly in recent decades, from 58% in 1995 to 53%. Over the same period, the share of adults who are living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3% to 7%. While the second group remains far smaller if we compare the totals, the share of adults aged 18 to 44 who have ever lived with an unmarried partner (59%) has actually surpassed the share who has ever been married (50%).

    #3

    30 Hilarious Tweets About Married Life That Perfectly Sum Up Marriage (New Posts)

    Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Dak Janiels
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Similar things have happened to me, however- the conversation just STOPS. you only get INTERNAL JOY, but JUSTIFIED JOY all the same.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    As you might've guessed, young adults are particularly accepting of cohabitation – 78% of those ages 18 to 29 say it's perfectly OK for an unmarried couple to live together, even if they don't plan to tie the knot.

    Still, even among those younger than 30, a substantial share (45%) say society is better off if couples who want to stay together long-term eventually get married. Roughly half of those ages 30 to 49 believe this to be true, as do majorities of those ages 50 and older.

    #8

    Marriage-Tweets

    ThisOneSayz Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Doenutts
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is standard, my Mum always told me it was rude to go through a woman's purse and i still go by this as an adult

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT

    People's views about marriage and cohabitation are also linked to their religious beliefs. For example, three-quarters of Catholics (74%) and white Protestants who do not self-identify as born-again or evangelical (76%) say it's acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together. But only 47% of black Protestants and 35% of white evangelical Protestants share this view.

    And while half or more across these groups believe society is better off if couples who want to stay together long-term eventually get married, white evangelicals are the most likely to say this (78%).

    Among those who are not religiously affiliated, however, nine-in-ten say cohabitation is acceptable even if a couple doesn't plan to get married.

    #10

    Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    lenka
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol. yep. It often feels like every time I go into the kitchen the whole family follows me. I have started going in there, pretending to put things away and clean, waiting 'til the whole family joins me, then announcing that it looks like they all have everything under control and I take my leave. Works.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Both married and cohabiting adults cite love and companionship as major reasons why they decided to get together.

    But about four-in-ten cohabiters also say finances and convenience were important factors in their decision. To be exact, 38% cite moving in with their partner made sense financially and 37% say it simply fit their life. In contrast, just 13% of married adults highlight finances and 10% point out convenience as major reasons why they made the commitment.

    #14

    Marriage-Tweets

    copymama Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Elsker
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This! Also, when you hear an airplane or helicopter, you have to check flightradar app for what kind of flying craft end it's purpose in your local airspace

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #16

    Marriage-Tweets

    CaitlinJStout Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    J_Dub
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's harder and harder to keep up with every other gay out there, but thank God for the annual conference and especially the directory of gays that they publish. Now when I'm on the phone with a relative who lives 3 states away and they say, I think the woman who repaired my HVAC unit was a lesbian, do you know her, I can say (thumbs through directory) oh yeah, that's Barb, great gal.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    But it's also important to highlight that cohabitation is not necessarily replacing marriage. If anything, it's become sort of a testing ground, a way for people to make sure if they can live happily ever after.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    66% of married adults who lived with their spouse before formalizing their union and were not yet engaged when they moved in together say they saw cohabitation as a step toward marriage when they first started living with their now-spouse.

    Among cohabiting adults who were not engaged when they moved in with their partner, 44% say they saw living together as a step toward marriage.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    About four-in-ten cohabiting adults who are not currently engaged (41%) say they want to get married someday. Of this group, 58% say they are very likely to marry their current partner, while 27% say this is somewhat likely and 14% say it’s not too or not at all likely that they will marry their partner. About a quarter of non-engaged cohabiters (24%) say they don’t want to get married, and 35% aren’t sure.

    #22

    Marriage-Tweets

    MumInBits Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Blackheart
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sometimes chocolate is the only thing that keeps a woman from snapping.

    James Pasquini
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While visiting my 3 young granddaughters, I brought 4 bags of M&Ms - one for each of them and one for their Au Pair. When the youngest took two bags, I told her one was for (name) and that she likes them too. The youngest told me her sisters can share theirs with (name). She was bound and determined she was going to have two bags. So does seem to enjoy them... a lot!

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #23

    Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Francis
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And next week, they gonna need one of the cords that he threw away!! That's the law

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #24

    Marriage-Tweets

    Mom_Overboard Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    SomePeopleCallMeMaurice
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can soooo relate! Our dog has hundreds of sweet nicknames (okay, I was the one who made them all up), and my husband is always calling our dog by those names, but has never come up with one for me. He’s really bad at coming up with them, while it is my one true talent in life.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    When we boil everything down to the vital question, only a relatively small share of U.S. adults say being married is essential for a man (16%) or a woman (17%) to live a fulfilling life.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    However, when asked more generally about the importance of being in a committed romantic relationship, 26% say it's a must for a man to be happy, compared to 30% who believe it's crucial to women.

    For more painfully hilarious tweets about marriage, check out Bored Panda's earlier publications here, here, and here.

    #27

    Marriage-Tweets

    reallifemommy3 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Tigerpacingthecage
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, we sort of did. Both my parents are dead and my only sister as well. Have no other relatives. So he didn't have to marry any of them (but my kids from a previous marriage lives with us every other week). His family lives on the other side of the globe and I've never met them. It's sad sometimes but sometimes very peaceful, yes.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
    Unlimited content
    Ad-free browsing
    Dark mode
    #32

    Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    InfiniteZeek
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that with my wife, she gets the last piece of anything that I eat that I know she likes.

    #34

    Marriage-Tweets

    EliMcCann Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    LuckyL
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's also such a perfect prank to the other guests. Something will seem to be off...

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #35

    Marriage-Tweets

    TheBoydP Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    hcaballero57
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It might be funny at the moment you do it. But when the wife sees this your perspective will change very quickly

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #37

    Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Scagsy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Us husbands are like doggos. We wander through life wagging our tail at anybody who appears slightly friendly.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #40

    Marriage-Tweets

    GrantTanaka Report

    #41

    Marriage-Tweets

    MediocreMamaa Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Edward Willis
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of my parents. My mother painted the main corridor a completely different colour while my father was out at work, it took him a week to notice.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #43

    Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Bethany Heller
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. You do *not* get away with not inviting her to join you on something that cool.

    #44

    Marriage-Tweets

    copymama Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #46

    Marriage-Tweets

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #47

    Marriage-Tweets

    lolennui Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Kay Davis
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband is obsessed with listening to Karen stories, I tell him he already hates humanity enough and needs to stop

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #53

    Marriage-Tweets

    HomeWithPeanut Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #55

    Marriage-Tweets

    YourMomsucksTho Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Adam L
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I admit I have a bad habit of speculating the ending and my wife has to tell me to shut up...

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #56

    Marriage-Tweets

    PrincesaBallena Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Adam L
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I strongly believe my wife us losing weight in order to steal a specific shirt of mine that is even a little tight on me..... just kidding. She's losing weight to make it easier for us to have another child... the shirt is a bonus....

    #57

    Marriage-Tweets

    copymama Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Adam L
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife is constantly saying the characters I customize are ugly. It got to the point where I let her decide the looks of some of them.

    #59

    Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Dawn Passamichalis
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband recently gave me a serious talk about how now that he's semi retired we need to be more conservative concerning unnecessary purchases. A week later he bought a state of the art hunting item that can only be used 6 days of the year...smh

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #60

    Marriage-Tweets

    Chhapiness Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Lawrencium
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ESPECIALLY with children! It becomes a competition at 3:00am in the morning when your kid starts crying and you have to decide who gets up...

    #61

    Marriage-Tweets

    EliMcCann Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    NsG
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not sure if the explanation to the judge is part of his normal job, or will be part of his murder trial...

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #62

    Marriage-Tweets

    StoneAgeRadio13 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Tigerpacingthecage
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some need to get a bit high on life - it's in their personality as thrill seekers. Otherwise they feel like life has lost its meaning. Some go bungyjumping or sky diving and some find other hobbies or work that give them that rush mentally. Could be something creative. OR they turn to drugs or alcohol... I would totally recommend the puzzle instead.

    #63

    Marriage-Tweets

    CheriFlavour Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #64

    Marriage-Tweets

    EmSlyce Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #68

    Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #69

    Marriage-Tweets

    TheBoydP Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #71

    Marriage-Tweets

    PASeekingcafien Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Kay Davis
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ugh! I hate when mine does this! I have to constantly remind him he isn't a child anymore. He tried climbing a tree last month and sliced his hand open because he slid down the branch because he weighs the amount of an adult human.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #73

    Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #75

    Marriage-Tweets

    Chhapiness Report

    #76

    Marriage-Tweets

    IDontSpeakWhine Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #78

    Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Tigerpacingthecage
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty much. Read some facts that married people have sex once a week in general and lots of people in the comments went "once a week? I'm never getting married!!" and I thought "once a week? That's ambitious and lucky!"

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #79

    Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #81

    Marriage-Tweets

    oneawkwardmom Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #82

    Marriage-Tweets

    bexley_lucy Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    #83

    Marriage-Tweets

    IDontSpeakWhine Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Ria C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If we are eating crunchy food we just use the captions.

    #84

    Marriage-Tweets

    IDontSpeakWhine Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Scagsy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That'll be two caesar salads they've had and still no fries.