Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
344
Woman Marries Gay Best Friend To Escape The Church, Faces The Consequences Years Later
Interview With Author
The first reason that comes to mind why people marry is love. However, the reality is sometimes far from that. Some couples ‘tie the knot’ because of legal or financial benefits, societal pressures, religious traditions, or overall security and stability.
For redditor Proud_Pay_2128, love was also completely out of the marriage equation. She and her childhood friend decided to use it as a cover-up to leave their religious community. 4 years later, they revealed the secret, which stirred up some heated opinions.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with its author, as well as Dr. Stephanie Bloodworth, PsyD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, who kindly agreed to tell us more about marriages of convenience.
RELATED:
Not all people who marry do so because they love each other
These two friends decided to marry as a cover-up for leaving their religious community
Image source: Proud_Pay_2128
Bored Panda was lucky enough to get in touch with the original poster of this story, who kindly agreed to answer a few questions in anonymity. When asked what inspired her to share it online, she told us that she wanted to get some insights and advice from other people and move on, “I wasn’t expecting it to get so big.”
Even though their marriage with her ex-husband was out of convenience, she wasn’t missing anything in such a union. “My ex-husband and I really helped each other, and we were free to fulfill our sentimental or sexual needs with other people. It was funny for him to use the “married card” to get dates. He got way more dates than me, and now I’m not interested in dating, but it was so fun.”
When it comes to her family, she thinks going without contact would be the best option for her. “I’m a bit scared, but my ex-husband is helping me protect myself right now. I really don’t care about anybody back home. I have always been a black sheep anyway.”
Looking back she doesn’t have any regrets using her marriage as a cover-up and leaving their religious community. “Our marriage was perfect compared to so many others. We never argued, never got mad at each other, we helped each other out.
I kinda wish things were different so we could have real romantic feelings, but I think not having that made it work so well. We even celebrated our divorce together. I still love my ex-husband in a way, and I love to have him and his boyfriend in my life. I just think I can’t top that, so I’m not interested in dating or marriage. But overall, besides my stress and my scary situation, I’m happy with my life,” she fondly shared.
“In many lavender marriages, the partners share a profound bond of friendship, camaraderie, and mutual respect”
The original poster’s union with her gay friend falls under the term lavender marriage. It’s an alliance of convenience to hide the sexual orientation of one or both spouses. The phrase appeared around 1895 in the British press, when the color lavender was associated with homosexuality.
In the early 20th century, quite a few public figures used such marriages to conceal their real sexual orientation so they would be able to pursue a career, notably in the Hollywood industry. But even though the LGBTQ+ community has received growing acceptance, these alliances continue to exist for various personal reasons.
“In many lavender marriages, the partners share a profound bond of friendship, camaraderie, and mutual respect,” explains relationship counselor Paula Thompson. “They often enter into these unions knowing fully well the emotional implications and challenges they are likely to face. This understanding can foster deep emotional intimacy, albeit non-romantic, and mutual support between the partners.”
That said, these unions aren’t without their challenges. Suppressing one’s true identity and living a dual life can lead to feelings of isolation, sadness, and frustration. Individuals who deceive their family and society at large may also experience guilt. Meanwhile, a platonic relationship can deprive individuals of the joy and fulfillment of a romantic bond.
Not everyone seeks fireworks or grand gestures in a relationship
Even though marriages of convenience might seem like the opposite of a happy union, not everyone seeks fireworks or grand gestures. “A marriage of convenience is entirely about the benefit the connection brings, whether it’s to the couple, their families, or a larger cultural structure,” says Dr. Stephanie Bloodworth, PsyD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist to Bored Panda.
“Marriages of convenience can include political alliances and strategic business partnerships, as well as people marrying for healthcare coverage or to provide a heteronormative social front for gender and sexual minorities. Marriage, historically, was more often about sociopolitical and economic agreements than it was about love. The emphasis on marrying for love is a newer idea, but these days it gets more acceptance and less scrutiny than the concept of a marriage of convenience.”
Some people are content with a reliable and caring connection, and that’s perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with choosing this type of relationship, as long as it feels right and is formed with mutual agreement and acceptance. What’s more, they don’t have to worry about losing feelings or being disappointed or betrayed by their partner. Instead, they can focus on their own goals and interests while respecting each other and their autonomy. A marriage of convenience offers practical and material benefits that have the potential to improve the quality of life for both parties.
“Marriages of any kind, including for convenience, can be successful given a few guidelines,” concluded Dr. Bloodworth.
“Success is allowed to be different for everyone,” she adds. “What are the main goals of the connection? How will that be measured? And what are the individual experiences each person hopes to have? So long as the relationship works to fulfill these goals, it can be considered successful. What’s most important is that it works for the people involved, regardless of what others might think.”
The author provided more information in the comments
The readers were on the author’s side
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
geezeronthehill 5 months ago
Another reason I avoid organized religion. Often seems to devolve into hatred and intolerance. Not to mention history's record of violence and bloodshed.
Child of the King 4 months ago
Not all Christians are like OP's parents. I'm a Christian but I don't judge a person by their choices. I believe everyone has a will of their own. I believe in God. But I would never enforce it on others
Load More Replies...
Anarchy_in_our_Souls 5 months ago
Good mothers don't want to marry their daughters off to disgusting old men...
Couragetcd 5 months ago
I was vibing with this story until at the end where she says she had a good mom. She knows her church was not right for her, she knew she needed to get away from it and avoid marrying someone her mother wanted her to marry. How does this person still see herself as having a good mother? Just because you weren't physically abused doesn't mean anything.
geezeronthehill 5 months ago
Another reason I avoid organized religion. Often seems to devolve into hatred and intolerance. Not to mention history's record of violence and bloodshed.
Child of the King 4 months ago
Not all Christians are like OP's parents. I'm a Christian but I don't judge a person by their choices. I believe everyone has a will of their own. I believe in God. But I would never enforce it on others
Load More Replies... Anarchy_in_our_Souls 5 months ago
Good mothers don't want to marry their daughters off to disgusting old men...
Couragetcd 5 months ago
I was vibing with this story until at the end where she says she had a good mom. She knows her church was not right for her, she knew she needed to get away from it and avoid marrying someone her mother wanted her to marry. How does this person still see herself as having a good mother? Just because you weren't physically abused doesn't mean anything.
You May Like 50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Man Defends Mom’s Unannounced Visits Until Wife’s Post Goes Viral, Confrontation Turns Ugly Roommates Discover Woman’s “Secret,” Feel It Changes Everything, Want Her To Move Out
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Jonas Zvilius
Related on Bored Panda
61
71