Nta and I'd add the accusation of fat shaming is a form of emotional blackmail. I would be giving an ultimatum at this point.

So many people say he isn't supporting her. He pays for her housing, utilities, and groceries while she isn't even looking for a job. If that isn't support I don't know what is. Supporting someone who is depressed doesn't mean taking on burdens beyond what you are capable of. It is not his job to do everything for her and unless she accepts that she has a mental health problem and does something about it she is too burdensome to deal with. If she can't do the minimum to make sure you don't starve the very least she could do is apply for SNAP, buy and eat her own food. This is coming from someone who has dealt with food insecurity, severe depression, anxiety, disordered binge eating, and an ex who was unemployed for about a year that I was feeding. There is no need for him to suffer like this.

The unemployment and freeloading is the problem and the food is just a symptom. This woman will never work again if she can get away with it. Op needs to think hard about how long he’s willing to live like this. I guarantee she’ll have a job within a week if he throws her out.

She is a selfish, manipulative person who blames everything else than taking accountability (no self-control, fat shaming, losing a job, blah blah blah). He needs to either lock the fridge or straight up dump her and make her move out. This is a disgusting cycle.

Living with someone who does a total disregard for your feelings, needs, boundaries etc is emotionally exhausting. No matter how much love and consideration you show them, you get little to none in return. And if you stand up for yourself you get the guilt trip and things twisted to it being your fault. It's not a good way to live and in almost 15 years, it hasn't changed. It's a huge red flag.

This is a sad story. If she (they) can't afford food, can't afford therapy, either. Give her a real ultimatum, get a job or move out. Period. Is she over qualified get a decent job to have some income flowing until she finds what's right? What do her family and friends think about all of this?

She's allowed to be stressed, and maybe even over indulging a little. But routinely forcing someone she supposedly loves to go without meals for days is beyond something I could sympathize with. He's tried talking to her, it didn't work. Yes she has mental health issues, but I can't imagine that he doesn't also have some depression over the whole situation as well. And to have to be without food despite being the only one working and still expected to do half the household chores on an empty stomach? This girl's definitely crossed the line into being a toxic partner. Also, if there's no food in the house for 3 days at times, why hasn't she figured out to save some for later? She's gotta be hungry those 3 days too.

Kick the gluttonous tart out.

Pregnant people do not let others starve because they are hungry. I think it's stress. I know someone who hates visiting her family for Christmas. Her mother makes a pot roast with carrots, celery and potatoes just for her. Why? Because her daughter has eaten a whole pot roast before without asking if anyone else would like some. When family members found out that the pot roast was gone, she said that she was hungry and also, she couldn't help it. She is 5 feet 3 inches, 135 lbs and has a flat stomach. I've talked to her privately about it and she admitted to me that she doesn't like coming over but insists that she REALLY IS Hungry. She's young. It's sad. No, she won't go to therapy.

I'm absolutely not condoning her behavior, but she has all the hallmarks of clinical depression. Apathy, overeating, being out of touch with what's going on around her, etc. She should also be evaluated for hormonal imbalances that may be making her overeat. That being said, if she refuses to get help from a professional, OP needs to do what's in his best interest and start putting his needs first. He can't take care of himself or anyone else if he's suffering from malnutrition and an untrustworthy partner who's unwilling to help herself.

That was in no way fat shaming. She needs help in every sense of the word. NTA.

She's stressed and eating. It happens and it sneaks up on you. Isn't she getting unemployment? That should bring in some money. Before she does anything, she should talk to a psychologist. The eating is soothing her pain. She may not even realize she's doing it, while she's eating. But that's out of control. She needs to find something that gets her out of the house. There are job postings everywhere you go now. Every store, restaurant, factory. But it won't happen by yelling at her. She may need professional help.

I'm not locking anything up at my house except the safe and the outside doors. She would have to go.

Ummm...excuse me but how are you "taking advantage of her" after she lost her job?? And, she's not making much effort to find another job???? She's not your girlfriend anymore, she's a lazy, entitled roommate. Your not "fat shaming" her, you're pointing out her selfish gluttony. Time to reevaluate this relationship. Good luck.

It sounds like your GF is not only a bit depressed, but a lazy f*cking pig as well. If she wanted a job, she would have one. She is totally taking advantage of you.

Ok, I can say this because I'm a healthcare provider with experience treating people with mental health issues. Your GF is not AH. She is depressed. Her overeating and inability to hold a job are symptoms. Please sit down and kindly discuss this with her. Most people don't want to admit depression or anything to do with this because of the stigma. There is something in her past that ties her emotions to food. Now, for your will being, physical and emotional health, you need to consider what your future plans are with this woman. Sometimes love is not enough to sustain a relationship. This will be a LONG hard road for her and until she gets better you WILL have to (unfortunately) lock your food away. This is going to hurt her feelings and cause stress for both of you. This relationship may end. She is young enough to get past this if she is willing to do the work. I am not in a position to tell you how you feel or how dedicated you are so l won't advise you what to do.

Kick the mooch out. I completely get stressed and binge eating, but making someone else go hungry for days is so selfish! Especially if you live off of them!

She definitely needs therapy. It is hard to stay focused on a job or lean new things with a mental disorder that is flared. Step on would to go see about maybe going to the health department or calling 211 to see about free counseling. Step two is maybe doing a walking group with friends

The issue is deeper than just locking up the fridge. I sincerely believe this woman is suffering from depression, anxiety and a host of other issues revolving around her situation. Over indulgence in food is only one example of behaviours that temporarily fill that void. I'm confident that she's not doing it on purpose. Everyone deals with depression in different ways such as eating, drinking, drugs, sex or gambling. Depression rears it's ugly head in many ways that not only affects the individual, but, everyone involved. Until the depression is addressed and gets under control things won't change, they will get worse. PLEASE, if you love and care for this woman see that she seeks help. I promise once that issue is under control the rest will fall into place. I'm talking from experience. Depression does NOT get better on its own, it only progresses.

NTA, but I think he needs to try and suggest gf get some help/therapy, it sounds as if gf is using eating as a coping habit to deal with depression (i've been there and done that myself, it sucks, because then you do just, in my experience, end up feeling worse due to the weight you gain ;-; ) but she obviously can't keep literally eating him out of house and home, making OP go hungry because he can't afford to get extra food for himself, nor can he trust that anything he does get himself be left alone.

NTA. GF needs to be an "ex", and she should go live with a family member. Many of us have had career interruptions, and have taken jobs well below our skill level just to be able to pay the bills. We've all worked jobs we didn't like, but we kept a roof over our heads (and food) until we could get something better.

She's fat shaming herself by being a selfish pig. Being unemployed and stressed is not a good enough reason to let someone else go hungry.

Coming from an overweight disabled person who is unable to work but still does all the chores, cooking and food stocking (ordering, I have moderate agoraphobia) - Not fat shaming, she's not trying to get a job, she's a leech, let her go. She makes people with real issues look as lazy as she is. Even with all my issues, I'll try doing cleaning jobs or ferrying jobs to earn money. But because I'm technically unemployed, I pick up all the house work and cooking, balance the bills, make sure everything is paid on time and generally make sure my husband *only* has to work. He comes home, he relaxes.

Tell her to go get food stamps she doesn't have any income she's not paying her share of the bills, Tell her to go to a food bank and get food, I would tell her if she ate my food again she has to move out

Definitely depression and eating disorder....speaking from personal experience, not professional. That does not give her the right to close herself off to her BF and outright neglect and abuse his needs repeatedly. She can plan meals and snacks ahead of time to curb things until she can afford medical aid. And a part time job is a great way to start out again! It is what I had to do. She can even try temp work. Point though she has to be willing to try. At this point the are dating, not married. If she does not openly discuss both their needs and how to address them, then she likely is not his forever relationship. Ending it so she can find the support network she needs would be the best thing for them both.

One of the things that really bothers me...is that your working....but still doing 50% of the housework as well...all while starving. If she's not working...she should do all the housework, until she gets work, then I can go back to 50/50. Suggest this...and watch how fast she goes to get work. Also...it would get her moving nore, therefore loose some of the weight shes gained. As that seems to be a point of contention for her. I think she's projecting her own feelings of gained weight onto you. Seriousely though, if youre the only one working, she needs to pull more weight at home. She's the one taking advantage of your kindness. Whether she realizes it or not.

NTA if I ate food that wasn't mine my boyfriend would lose it too especially the subway because that's a treat for both of you. The fact she doesn't care if you starve despite you being the one working is very indicative of her feelings towards you right now. Even if you don't leave you need to put some distance so you can see if that changes anything

you fell for her.. just like this poor guy @Lunamorte Louise

She might need mental help but clearly she's not likely going to seek it. Clearly she's stress eating from not working or some other issue but if she's stress eating from not working than the fact that she quit her job shortly after starting it means she's in an endless loop of lazyness and stress eating. Ultimately there's nothing anyone can do and you probably should cut the ties with her as long as your around she's going to keep repeating what she's doing and the only way out is to cut off any support she's receiving and maybe she'll finally get a wakeup call.

This is a bit tough...sounds like she might have severe depression causing an eating disorder...while she shouldnt be eating things that are clearly not hers n you have a right to be frustrated with her, she also might not be able to help it if its a mental issue at foot. Id consider sitting her down n suggesting she see a therapist/doctor who might be able to give a better answer even solution to this

This is so incredibly frustrating to read. If your son was in a relationship like this what would you say to him? At the very least put a timer on it. I hope you don't wake up years from now wishing you had the time back

Why do I feel like her getting "laid off" was absolutely her fault too? If pouring coffees was too hard, do we think this person is ever going to hold down a steady job ever again, if she has BF to lean on instead? Time to start storing food outside the home until she feels she *needs* to work to eat. She'll either find a new job or a new BF, but either way, OP's starvation will end

NTA. I'd like to know what, if anything, the OP did. Stories like this make me wonder what is going on...

I can understand what I call nervous eating as I experienced it myself during lockdown. I'm also chronically depressed, do that didn't help either. The reality of life is that it's not always the way we want it to be. "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape." 😉 There are A LOT of volunteer opportunities out there, especially with non-profit organizations. A person can easily fill their week with a variety of volunteer opportunities. It's an excellent opportunity to keep busy and to be helpful. AND a person can meet people, learn new marketable skills, enhance one's resume, network. It's also quite possible to become gainfully employed as a result of volunteering. I suggest she check it out.

She needs to take a pregnancy test.