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Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

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We think most of us have watched or at least heard about the TV show called Black Mirror. Well, what would we say if one of the episodes of the said fictional show became a reality? Surely, most people would scoff at the idea, but a certain man from Canada has a story reminiscent of an episode of the show.

A grieving Canadian named Joshua Barbeau lost his fiancée Jessica 9 years ago due to rare liver disease. Last year, just as his deceased fiancee’s birthday was approaching, Joshua stumbled upon an artificial intelligence website that promised a chance to chat with “the world’s most super computer.”

One thing led to another and eventually, Barbeau built himself a custom chatbot modeled after his dead fiancée. In his most recent Reddit post that summarized the entire situation, Joshua wrote: “This wasn’t about bringing back the dead or finding a way to capture her soul in the ghost of the machine, I saw it as merely an experiment I was putting myself through to draw out emotions and memories that were buried deep down by years of suppressed grief—and it worked better than I could have possibly imagined.”

More info: Facebook | twitter.com | sfchronicle.com | projectdecember.net

A grieving Canadian named Joshua Barbeau lost his fiancée Jessica 9 years ago due to rare liver disease

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: josh.barbeau.58

Last year, Joshua stumbled upon an artificial intelligence website “that promised a chance to chat with ‘the world’s most super computer’”

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Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: josh.barbeau.58

Barbeau built himself a custom chatbot modeled after his deceased fiancée

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: josh.barbeau.58

He anonymously shared some of the details on Reddit, saying that it might “help depressed survivors find some closure”

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: josh.barbeau.58

Some of the conversations were shared online with the help of the article done by the San Francisco Chronicle

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: San Francisco Chronicle

Barbeau said: “I felt I had a responsibility to share my story. So I did, and over the next 9 months I repeatedly interviewed with a journalist who wrote the article”

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Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: San Francisco Chronicle

“This wasn’t about bringing back the dead or finding a way to capture her soul in the ghost of the machine”

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: San Francisco Chronicle

ADVERTISEMENT

“I saw it as merely an experiment I was putting myself through to draw out emotions and memories that were buried deep down by years of suppressed grief”

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

Image credits: San Francisco Chronicle

Joshua shared that initially, this was a very private thing; however, upon realizing the greater ramifications of it, he decided to share it with the hope of helping others

Grieving Man Used Experimental AI Site To ‘Chat’ With His Fiancée Nine Years After She Passed

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Image credits: josh.barbeau.58

He realized the potential for using the said technology as a tool for grief support to help millions.

The last few lines of his Reddit post said: “I felt I had a responsibility to share my story. So I did, and over the next 9 months I repeatedly interviewed with a journalist from the San Francisco Chronicle who wrote the article that was finally published just a few days ago.”

9Kviews

Hidrėlėy

Fascinated by music, movies and sitcoms, I'm passionate about social media and can't live without the internet, especially for all the cute dog and cat pictures out there. I wish the day had about 40 hours to be able to do everything I want.

Fascinated by music, movies and sitcoms, I'm passionate about social media and can't live without the internet, especially for all the cute dog and cat pictures out there. I wish the day had about 40 hours to be able to do everything I want.

Diana Lopetaitė

Hey there, Pandas! My name is Diana (though some prefer to refer to me as Diane, Deanna, and even Liana sometimes), and I am a Community Post Moderator Lead for Bored Panda. As my position title states, I am one of the people (employed Pandas for bamboo) over here who work with the community side of things on this website to ensure all is well, and while at that, I also help various creators and artists get recognition for the incredible work they do by connecting them to a large worldwide audience. Other than that, outside of work, you can find me brewing a nice cup of coffee, making a pizza from scratch, or baking brownies. I also love traveling, concerts, and cats (heavy on that, because I am a cat mom).

Hey there, Pandas! My name is Diana (though some prefer to refer to me as Diane, Deanna, and even Liana sometimes), and I am a Community Post Moderator Lead for Bored Panda. As my position title states, I am one of the people (employed Pandas for bamboo) over here who work with the community side of things on this website to ensure all is well, and while at that, I also help various creators and artists get recognition for the incredible work they do by connecting them to a large worldwide audience. Other than that, outside of work, you can find me brewing a nice cup of coffee, making a pizza from scratch, or baking brownies. I also love traveling, concerts, and cats (heavy on that, because I am a cat mom).

What do you think ?

Stille20 3 years ago

I don't know. I would give anything to speak with my mother again. I wish I could tell her I am getting married and ask her about recipes she use to make, but I feel like a bot like this would only open wounds that are trying to heal.

45points

Susan Green 3 years ago (edited)

I feel the same way, I would love to speak to my mom again, but this would just make me feel more pain.

17points

Load More Replies...

pelemele 3 years ago

Personally I find it totally creepy and not recommended at all. Grieving is learning to go on living despite the lack and to move on. It's easier said than done, but I really doubt that sort of thing can help you other than keep you from moving forward.

29points

Kookamunga 3 years ago

Dude, I know death is hard and grieving is rough, but you need to move on. This isn't Pet Sematary.

26points

WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago

Not very kindly phrased, but right to the point. "Reviving" a deceased to get closure or to learn to deal with their death is creepy and insensitive. Although it's hard to accept that your loved one isn't around anymore, you have to live through the times of mourning to be able to pick your life up again. Staying in the past will eventually make you suffer more.

11points

Load More Replies...

Troux 3 years ago

Glimpse into the future. This is going to be programmed into an anatomically correct robot for people some day. This is not healthy...

13points

Lokitti 3 years ago

To all the people saying this is "wrong" or whatever - people deal with grief in different ways. Grief is a very VERY personal experience, and it's not for us to say what is the right or wrong way for someone to grieve (aside from laws, of course). If this can help even one or two people, then why not? It wouldn't help me, personally, but I can see how maybe some people might get some kind of closure from it.

10points

Aliquid A 3 years ago (edited)

I suppose it depends on how long you use the tool. Maybe if you use it for a short while to get "closure", say things you wanted to say, and then move on... yeah I can see it as a healing tool. But if you keep using it long term, it sounds more like a crutch that stops you from actually healing long term. (but I'm no psychologist, so what do I know?)

9points

mcborge1 3 years ago

I lost my wife to cancer in 97 and I still miss her totally but i don't think I could ever bring myself to do something like this. No A.I could ever seem like her no matter how good it was as the emotional connection just wouldn't be there for me. I'm glad this chap got something worthwhile from doing this but it just wouldn't work for me.

8points

bryguy 3 years ago

Some of the reasons why you'd want to communicate with someone who passed is to ask what you never did, tell them what you meant to say, ask about old memories etc, but all of this cannot be done with a super computer. You're only programming information you already have. There is no way to get those old recipes, or ask about a long lost relative. You're talking to a computer you programmed to talk how you wanted. You're essentially talking to yourself. This is just extending the grieving and pain in my opinion.

7points

ERIKA H. 3 years ago

This! So accurate. Especially, "You're talking to a computer you programmed to talk how you wanted. You're essentially talking to yourself." Couldn't put it better.

1point

Load More Replies...

Stina Lamar 3 years ago

This is so sad. I feel so bad for him that he needed to do this.

7points

Earl Grey 3 years ago

This is pathological grief. H. P. Lovecraft warned us of such self-destructive misgivings. Lovecraft’s tale of Herbert West describes how this sort of thing only becomes a drug and how it will escalate and eventually lead to yet another very unhappy ending.

5points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

So 8 or 9 years after she passed he did this? That's a step backwards. I feel sorry for him if he's still struggling so much though.

4points

DanieLegz 3 years ago

If it helps him in any way then let the dude be. It's up to him. We ain’t got to do it

2points

Tracy Baparam 3 years ago

This is so sad, but it's not real. She's gone, he's talking to a computer. I hope he's able to move on with his life and find the closure he needs.

2points

VogueGal 3 years ago

Black Mirror. I've lost my dad to rare liver disease but we never had closure even though I was the last person slept next to him before his death; we both fell asleep, I woke up and he didn't. This would help me bring closure and knowing that I shouldn't feel guilty for moving on.

1point

KT 3 years ago

I think this is a bad idea. Grieving is hard enough without adding this creation into the mix. It could be addicting and cause more pain than neccesary

1point

VogueGal 3 years ago

I agree with you that it could be addicting, but it will not has the same affect for people without addition personality. I, personally, think it can be a good idea for someone that needs to understand that life happens and it's not their fault nor that they (I'm one of them) shall feel guilty for wanting to move on, 8 years, 100 years, doesn't matter long it takes, people just need time to be okay, in their own pace and by whichever method. Everyone is different and every story needs to be heard and respected.

-1point

Load More Replies...

ERIKA H. 3 years ago

I sympathize, but I think in the end this is actually very unhealthy. He hasn't mourned/healed in 9 years, this definitely isn't going to help him move forward. Has anyone seen the movie Her?

1point

Ari Trionfo 3 years ago

Does anyone know the website? I wanna make my past self

1point

jpaul 3 years ago

highly disturbing (to me). best way to go on with such ordeal it's to stay realist. starting to dream to the impossible can have really nasty consequences

1point

AzKhaleesi 3 years ago

Anyone else wondering what site this is?

1point

Blobbert ️‍ 3 years ago

Rest in peace Jessica. 💛

1point

Rannveig Ess 3 years ago

This is sad and creepy. Yes, everyone grieves differently. And yes, you're supposed to grieve, then move on. Sometimes it takes a ton of work, and it's not easy. That's when you go to Grief Therapists, support groups, or just try hard to get back into Life. This guy has had NINE years. People lose beloved spouses, loved ones, partners or even children. You can't replace them but I'm always so happy for those who do find someone else, a different kind of Love because it's a different person, but still beautiful of course. Life goes on. This guy, spending 9 years not moving on and now creating a virtual Bot that he's bonding with? And saying he has a "responsibility" to share this? It's not therapy, it's not learning to cope. It's self-soothing using Fantasy

1point

Airis Malfoy 3 years ago

Wow... i am happy for you! glad that you could speak to your fiancee again...

1point

Bored Batgirl 3 years ago

He hasn't moved on with his life in 9 years?! That's so sad.

0points

miss miss 3 years ago

I badly need one

0points

° 𝔏𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰 ° 3 years ago

Darn these onion ninjas it’s just so wholesome and sad at the same timeeeeer

0points

54 3 years ago

this seems like it would hurt more than help

0points

Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 3 years ago

well, i went to the offered 'more information' site, and got no really useful information. wants $5 to 'join', you get 1000 'credits' for that. does not tell you what you get for a 'credit', does not tell you much of anything actually. i dont pay no matter how desirable a product is, unless i get a clear definition of what my money gets me. i would certainly consider this purchase, it sounds very interesting, but they need a better 'laymans' explaination....

0points

Iva Kazalova 3 years ago

Sorry but this is stupid

0points

AhhhhHHHHHHHHHH 3 years ago

This AI is called project December.

0points

John C 3 years ago

As with most things, I think you'll get out of something like this what you put in. Sure, the interaction isn't authentic, if you define authentic as talking to that person (who is now dead). But quantifying our experiences is something that scientists agree is impossible. Our experiences boil down to the electrical impulses from our senses. When input is received for any of our senses, who's to determine what's "real" when our senses are stimulated? All this to say: if you mentally invest in this sort of thing, I can totally see where it could provide a cathartic release, esp for those that are having trouble grieving. Glad he shared. This sort of stuff is definitely in our future.

0points

von Funnyname 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Stille20 3 years ago

I don't know. I would give anything to speak with my mother again. I wish I could tell her I am getting married and ask her about recipes she use to make, but I feel like a bot like this would only open wounds that are trying to heal.

45points

Susan Green 3 years ago (edited)

I feel the same way, I would love to speak to my mom again, but this would just make me feel more pain.

17points

Load More Replies...

pelemele 3 years ago

Personally I find it totally creepy and not recommended at all. Grieving is learning to go on living despite the lack and to move on. It's easier said than done, but I really doubt that sort of thing can help you other than keep you from moving forward.

29points

Kookamunga 3 years ago

Dude, I know death is hard and grieving is rough, but you need to move on. This isn't Pet Sematary.

26points

WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago

Not very kindly phrased, but right to the point. "Reviving" a deceased to get closure or to learn to deal with their death is creepy and insensitive. Although it's hard to accept that your loved one isn't around anymore, you have to live through the times of mourning to be able to pick your life up again. Staying in the past will eventually make you suffer more.

11points

Load More Replies...

Troux 3 years ago

Glimpse into the future. This is going to be programmed into an anatomically correct robot for people some day. This is not healthy...

13points

Lokitti 3 years ago

To all the people saying this is "wrong" or whatever - people deal with grief in different ways. Grief is a very VERY personal experience, and it's not for us to say what is the right or wrong way for someone to grieve (aside from laws, of course). If this can help even one or two people, then why not? It wouldn't help me, personally, but I can see how maybe some people might get some kind of closure from it.

10points

Aliquid A 3 years ago (edited)

I suppose it depends on how long you use the tool. Maybe if you use it for a short while to get "closure", say things you wanted to say, and then move on... yeah I can see it as a healing tool. But if you keep using it long term, it sounds more like a crutch that stops you from actually healing long term. (but I'm no psychologist, so what do I know?)

9points

mcborge1 3 years ago

I lost my wife to cancer in 97 and I still miss her totally but i don't think I could ever bring myself to do something like this. No A.I could ever seem like her no matter how good it was as the emotional connection just wouldn't be there for me. I'm glad this chap got something worthwhile from doing this but it just wouldn't work for me.

8points

bryguy 3 years ago

Some of the reasons why you'd want to communicate with someone who passed is to ask what you never did, tell them what you meant to say, ask about old memories etc, but all of this cannot be done with a super computer. You're only programming information you already have. There is no way to get those old recipes, or ask about a long lost relative. You're talking to a computer you programmed to talk how you wanted. You're essentially talking to yourself. This is just extending the grieving and pain in my opinion.

7points

ERIKA H. 3 years ago

This! So accurate. Especially, "You're talking to a computer you programmed to talk how you wanted. You're essentially talking to yourself." Couldn't put it better.

1point

Load More Replies...

Stina Lamar 3 years ago

This is so sad. I feel so bad for him that he needed to do this.

7points

Earl Grey 3 years ago

This is pathological grief. H. P. Lovecraft warned us of such self-destructive misgivings. Lovecraft’s tale of Herbert West describes how this sort of thing only becomes a drug and how it will escalate and eventually lead to yet another very unhappy ending.

5points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

So 8 or 9 years after she passed he did this? That's a step backwards. I feel sorry for him if he's still struggling so much though.

4points

DanieLegz 3 years ago

If it helps him in any way then let the dude be. It's up to him. We ain’t got to do it

2points

Tracy Baparam 3 years ago

This is so sad, but it's not real. She's gone, he's talking to a computer. I hope he's able to move on with his life and find the closure he needs.

2points

VogueGal 3 years ago

Black Mirror. I've lost my dad to rare liver disease but we never had closure even though I was the last person slept next to him before his death; we both fell asleep, I woke up and he didn't. This would help me bring closure and knowing that I shouldn't feel guilty for moving on.

1point

KT 3 years ago

I think this is a bad idea. Grieving is hard enough without adding this creation into the mix. It could be addicting and cause more pain than neccesary

1point

VogueGal 3 years ago

I agree with you that it could be addicting, but it will not has the same affect for people without addition personality. I, personally, think it can be a good idea for someone that needs to understand that life happens and it's not their fault nor that they (I'm one of them) shall feel guilty for wanting to move on, 8 years, 100 years, doesn't matter long it takes, people just need time to be okay, in their own pace and by whichever method. Everyone is different and every story needs to be heard and respected.

-1point

Load More Replies...

ERIKA H. 3 years ago

I sympathize, but I think in the end this is actually very unhealthy. He hasn't mourned/healed in 9 years, this definitely isn't going to help him move forward. Has anyone seen the movie Her?

1point

Ari Trionfo 3 years ago

Does anyone know the website? I wanna make my past self

1point

jpaul 3 years ago

highly disturbing (to me). best way to go on with such ordeal it's to stay realist. starting to dream to the impossible can have really nasty consequences

1point

AzKhaleesi 3 years ago

Anyone else wondering what site this is?

1point

Blobbert ️‍ 3 years ago

Rest in peace Jessica. 💛

1point

Rannveig Ess 3 years ago

This is sad and creepy. Yes, everyone grieves differently. And yes, you're supposed to grieve, then move on. Sometimes it takes a ton of work, and it's not easy. That's when you go to Grief Therapists, support groups, or just try hard to get back into Life. This guy has had NINE years. People lose beloved spouses, loved ones, partners or even children. You can't replace them but I'm always so happy for those who do find someone else, a different kind of Love because it's a different person, but still beautiful of course. Life goes on. This guy, spending 9 years not moving on and now creating a virtual Bot that he's bonding with? And saying he has a "responsibility" to share this? It's not therapy, it's not learning to cope. It's self-soothing using Fantasy

1point

Airis Malfoy 3 years ago

Wow... i am happy for you! glad that you could speak to your fiancee again...

1point

Bored Batgirl 3 years ago

He hasn't moved on with his life in 9 years?! That's so sad.

0points

miss miss 3 years ago

I badly need one

0points

° 𝔏𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰 ° 3 years ago

Darn these onion ninjas it’s just so wholesome and sad at the same timeeeeer

0points

54 3 years ago

this seems like it would hurt more than help

0points

Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 3 years ago

well, i went to the offered 'more information' site, and got no really useful information. wants $5 to 'join', you get 1000 'credits' for that. does not tell you what you get for a 'credit', does not tell you much of anything actually. i dont pay no matter how desirable a product is, unless i get a clear definition of what my money gets me. i would certainly consider this purchase, it sounds very interesting, but they need a better 'laymans' explaination....

0points

Iva Kazalova 3 years ago

Sorry but this is stupid

0points

AhhhhHHHHHHHHHH 3 years ago

This AI is called project December.

0points

John C 3 years ago

As with most things, I think you'll get out of something like this what you put in. Sure, the interaction isn't authentic, if you define authentic as talking to that person (who is now dead). But quantifying our experiences is something that scientists agree is impossible. Our experiences boil down to the electrical impulses from our senses. When input is received for any of our senses, who's to determine what's "real" when our senses are stimulated? All this to say: if you mentally invest in this sort of thing, I can totally see where it could provide a cathartic release, esp for those that are having trouble grieving. Glad he shared. This sort of stuff is definitely in our future.

0points

von Funnyname 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

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