Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

Share this article:

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Man Is Blissfully Unaware Of How Much Housework His Partner Does, She Hits Her Breaking Point
45

Man Is Blissfully Unaware Of How Much Housework His Partner Does, She Hits Her Breaking Point

ADVERTISEMENT

As exciting as moving in together can be for a couple, there’s often a bit of a rough patch when they first get settled. Adjusting to one another’s living habits and agreeing on what kind of furniture will look best in your home can require making some compromises. But eventually, you’ll find our rhythm, and it’ll all be smooth sailing! Well, as long as you both contribute equally to the household chores.    

One woman recently reached out to MumsNet asking for advice on how to teach her partner to start taking on some of the domestic labor in their home. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies readers left her. 

RELATED:

    Taking on the bulk of domestic labor in your household can be exhausting

    Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    After months of handling all of the chores in her home, this woman decided that her partner needs to start pulling his weight

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    Image credits: glensof

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Later, the woman responded to several commenters and shared more details about her situation

    Women tend to take on over twice as much domestic labor as men

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    In theory, partners would each take on 50% of the responsibilities in their household and live together in perfect harmony. But that’s just not realistic. If one person works longer hours and earns more money than their partner, they might end up doing less of the cleaning around the house. And I personally love cooking, so I end up making dinner 5 or 6 times a week in my household.

    But problems can quickly arise when one person ends up being responsible for the bulk of domestic labor in their home, even if they never agreed to that. According to the Gender Equity Policy Institute, women tend to spend over twice as much time as men on household chores and childcare. And women report having 13% less free time than men because of this.

    Meanwhile, the Pew Research Center reports that in a growing number of American households, women are earning just as much, if not more, than their husbands. In 1972, men were the breadwinners in a whopping 85% of marriages. But by 2022, that number had shrunk to only 55%. 

    It’s also important to keep in mind that there’s still a prevalent gender pay gap in the United States, with women earning about 80% of what men make for the same jobs. Yet women have still found a way to catch up to how much their partners are earning.  

    ADVERTISEMENT

    So how does it impact a relationship when one person is expected to do the majority of the cooking, cleaning and childcare while the other sits on the couch playing video games or goes out to play golf with their friends? Well, it can take a huge toll on a marriage or even lead to divorce

    Weaponized incompetence can take a huge toll on relationships

    Image credits: Gabriel Ponton/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    In fact, Verywell Mind notes that, “Evidence suggests that couples who believe the work should be evenly divided are happier than those who don’t.” 

    And that’s not surprising. Being responsible for domestic duties can cause someone to carry a huge mental load, but you can feel immense relief if you know that your partner will help you out and tag team cleaning the house to make sure it gets done twice as fast. 

    But another possible issue at play in this particular story is weaponized incompetence. This is when someone pretends that they don’t know how to accomplish a task or purposefully does it poorly to get their partner to do it instead. 

    ADVERTISEMENT

    This might include burning dinner to avoid cooking in the future, ruining a load of laundry to make sure your wife does it next time or pretending to be ignorant when it comes to which cleaning supplies should be used where.

    Verywell Mind explains that this is a tactic some people use in their relationships to avoid responsibility, avoid discomfort, get attention or maintain control over their partner. And while there’s nothing wrong with needing to be taught how to properly mop the floors or prepare a decent meal, it can be a huge burden if one partner has to constantly hold their partner’s hand and walk them through every step of a household chore.

    We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman’s partner can be taught to help out around the house, or is it a lost cause? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues right here

    Readers shared thoughtful advice, but some warned the author that this problem might never go away

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Ic_polls

    Poll Question

    Do you think the woman's partner can learn to equally share domestic responsibilities?

    Yes, with effort

    Possibly, with guidance

    No, unlikely

    Unsure

    Share on Facebook
    Adelaide Ross

    Adelaide Ross

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    Read less »
    Adelaide Ross

    Adelaide Ross

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about three years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    Read less »

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Annik Perrot
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "All his previous partners/wives"... Might be a good reason they are now exes. They got fed up and kicked him out.

    Zero Costa
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    literally a blinding bright red flag there. ex partners and wives... PLURAL?? man's pushing a whole 40 years of age and can't figure out how to put a cup in the dishwasher before he gets dumped for the... nth time.

    Load More Replies...
    Alexia
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He doesn't need a partner/ wife. He is an entitled manchild and needs a mommy. No discussion will resolve this, because it's a mentality. This is how he was raised. He believes it's a woman's job to "take care" of her man and sees nothing wrong with it. If you're not ok with this, LEAVE. You might try a 3-month separation (in which time you'll do nothing for him) but I wouldn't pin my hopes on that. Mentalities are hard - sometimes impossible - to change or improve.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would you move in with someone who can't function on their own? Live separately for a while so he can remember how to be a human. Bonus, you'll be able to tell if he wants a maid or a partner.

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Everything is so perfect...except this one, egregious thing." I don't believe for a second there aren't other issues present because if the guy can't be bothered to be considerate and just do/learn some very simple tasks...

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Annik Perrot
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "All his previous partners/wives"... Might be a good reason they are now exes. They got fed up and kicked him out.

    Zero Costa
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    literally a blinding bright red flag there. ex partners and wives... PLURAL?? man's pushing a whole 40 years of age and can't figure out how to put a cup in the dishwasher before he gets dumped for the... nth time.

    Load More Replies...
    Alexia
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He doesn't need a partner/ wife. He is an entitled manchild and needs a mommy. No discussion will resolve this, because it's a mentality. This is how he was raised. He believes it's a woman's job to "take care" of her man and sees nothing wrong with it. If you're not ok with this, LEAVE. You might try a 3-month separation (in which time you'll do nothing for him) but I wouldn't pin my hopes on that. Mentalities are hard - sometimes impossible - to change or improve.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would you move in with someone who can't function on their own? Live separately for a while so he can remember how to be a human. Bonus, you'll be able to tell if he wants a maid or a partner.

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Everything is so perfect...except this one, egregious thing." I don't believe for a second there aren't other issues present because if the guy can't be bothered to be considerate and just do/learn some very simple tasks...

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    You May Like
    Related on Bored Panda
    Related on Bored Panda
    Trending on Bored Panda
    Also on Bored Panda