A toxic relationship can shake you up really bad. It makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, and even attacked. And sadly, Reddit user Hiyabankranger got to experience one firsthand.

He ended up with a woman who didn’t care for his emotional well-being. She even had an affair with another guy. But the man managed not only to escape; after getting therapy, he came out of it stronger than before.

In a post on the subreddit ‘Petty Revenge‘, Hiyabankranger added that he also managed to hand down to the guy with whom his ex cheated his lousy old life.

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

Image credits: hiyabankranger

We managed to get in touch with Hiyabankranger and he agreed to tell us more about the whole ordeal.

“He sent me some very belligerent messages. Things about how he was going to ‘kick my a**’ and that he’d heard all sorts of nonsense about me that my ex had been telling him.”

“I realized this was a pattern of hers because I’d heard literally the same stories about guys she’d told me about that I’d met at parties earlier when we were just getting started dating. I guess she couldn’t risk having her multiple boyfriends talking to each other.”

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

“All of my interactions with him had been by text, and while he sent me his number and address so we could ‘pick a time and place to settle this’ I had no interest in doing so. Fighting is stupid. When I stopped responding, he resorted to insults trying to get me to fight him and, frankly, that took me from a little scared to excessively bored by the whole thing. I wasn’t a hard person to find and after two weeks if he hadn’t taken the initiative to do that he wasn’t going to.”

“I was expecting I’d be gone and done with it all by my last day but we were understaffed so for some idiotic reason my boss thought I should interview him. Now, much later and higher in my career, I know it is ridiculously dumb to put your referring employee in the interview loop. More evidence about how that place was a circus. I was terrified that I’d get assaulted.”

“Seeing him in that conference room was the first time I’d seen him in person. He was me, just older, in slightly better shape, and sadder. To be honest, at that point I had no malice for him left. It doesn’t make as good of a revenge story to say this, but I felt bad for the guy. I knew from his resume he’d been out of work for almost a year and needed the job. While I’d initially put his name forward because I was still an angry little troll, I hoped he’d get the job because it would help him get back on his feet. Part of that sympathy helped a lot in my therapy.”

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

“Referring him to that apartment later, as much as I make it out in the story to be a revenge move, was because I knew from my coworker who I still talked to that his living situation was terrible. I wouldn’t have wanted any of my friends to have my place because it was pretty terrible and you could find better and cheaper all over that part of town without annoying neighbors. However, it was pretty damn cheap and decent enough. I figured with the bad job and worse girlfriend he’d need a place of his own instead of the situation he had.”

“Plus I thought it would be funny later when telling the story. It still is.”

“Therapy has been immensely helpful in my life and without going too much into detail about my mental health, this specific situation led me to some early breakthroughs.”

“I, consciously or not, was seeking women who ‘needed to be saved.’ Instead of finding healthy partners in stable life situations I would always gravitate towards ones that I felt ‘needed me.’ This was a toxic pattern for both me and anyone I dated. In one of my last conversations with my ex, she told me that she needed me, but remembering my therapy sessions I asked ‘but did you ever want me?’ The way she looked away instantly was brutal but told me just what I needed to know.”

“With that and therapy, I also realized that I wasn’t happy with myself, and that ultimately in the words of Ru Paul ‘if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love anybody else?'”

“I could have gotten there without the help of a professional, but it shortened the time it took to find the answers I was looking for quite a bit.”

“I’d had kind of a reputation as a mean and spiteful person by people who didn’t know me well. I wasn’t either of those things, but I did tend to look at the world negatively and had no filter when speaking.”

“Revenge made me feel better in the short term, when I referred him to the job.”

“Ultimately, when talking it out with several people over the years, I came to the conclusion that what I had done was a set of good deeds for this stranger who was threatening me. You see people say that in the thread. I’ve tried to keep that energy in my life as best I can. Instead of ‘getting back’ at people, try to give them what you would need in their situation.”

“If you can though, make sure that it makes for a funny revenge story.”

As his story went viral, the author of the post provided people with more information in the comments

And people were really supportive of him. Some even shared similar personal experiences of their own

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