Many parents often take their time with baby names, discussing and debating the options. After all, who wouldn’t want their newest family member to have a good and meaningful name? Someone allowing you to name their child is often a pretty big honor, but most folks would never assume it’s an option unless they were given express permission.

A man wondered if he was wrong to refuse to allow his childless sister to name his newborn. His refusal led to some family drama and he turned to the internet for advice. We reached out to the man who shared the story via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.

Picking out a name for your kid can be a whole process

Image credits: lamapacas (not the actual photo)

But one man had to endure family drama when his sister pleaded to pick his baby’s name

Image credits: klavdiyav (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Tall-Ant-4477

It’s completely normal for the parents to reserve the naming privileges for themselves

There is no denying that, at the end of the day, the parents have the final say when it comes to the baby’s name. After all, they will, presumably, be in the hospital room, where the name is recorded. No matter what is discussed previously, this is the moment that actually “matters,” although one can always change their name later. In some countries this can be done up until a certain age, generally one or two without much difficulty. So there is no doubt about who actually has the “right” to give the kid a name. No matter how much you might want it, you can’t just go around naming other folk’s kids.

So the real discussion here is about allowing the sister to have her “chance” to name the kids. There is nothing wrong with asking someone to name your kids, indeed, it’s generally considered an honor. However, it’s pretty clear that the brother and his wife do not like the names she suggested. Everyone has their own preferences, but it’s important to always keep in mind whose kid it is.

This should be enough for her to back down or at least suggest a compromise. Discussing the name is fine, as long as everyone understands their role. Indeed, it’s a strange thing to get hung up on, as it’s not like the brother is going no contact. There will be ample opportunities for the sister to interact with the baby in more meaningful ways. The name is just a hang-up she will have to get over.

Reproductive grief is very hard to overcome for some folks

Some comments suggest that the brother should have been more sensitive, but at the end of the day, it’s his child. If the biological parents don’t like the names she suggested, then they have every right to not use them. As previously stated, this doesn’t mean that the sister will be cut from their lives. She will, hopefully, have all sorts of opportunities to be an involved aunt, if the parents are ok with that.

Indeed, raising a ruckus about the name is a great way to get cut off from the baby. If she cared more about the name than actually interacting with the child, it’s worth asking if she had it’s best intentions in mind in the first place. This is not to say that the sister’s position is enviable, it’s ultimately tragic, but sad circumstances don’t entitle you to certain privileges when it comes to other folk’s kids. Some folks are childless by choice, but not being able to when you actually want a kid is a sad story no matter how you spin it.

Reproductive grief is a very real and difficult issue to tackle, particularly since it remains, like many women’s issues, woefully understudied. In this woman’s case, it’s perhaps even worse, as she is involuntarily childless and has a health issue that stops her from even adopting. Her only option is to live out “motherhood” by proxy. This isn’t exactly healthy, but it would explain why she is so hung up on details like naming the baby.

Ultimately, the brother isn’t wrong to want to name his own child. But it’s still worth him trying to reconcile with his sister. His child does deserve an aunt who will no doubt love it and it might allow her to live out a bit of her fantasy in a healthy, nurturing way. Many commenters suggested the sister needed therapy, which is true, but a good familial relationship is just as important, at the end of the day.

Many people sided with the brother

But a few thought he could have been nicer to his sister

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