When you’re immersed in something you’re passionate about, everything else in the world can seem to disappear. If I’m busy in the kitchen baking a cake, 3 hours can easily slip away before I even realize that time has passed at all. And it’s great to have a hobby that you can escape to when you need to relax. But it’s probably wise to keep one foot rooted in reality, just in case anybody needs you.

After taking a tumble in her home, one mom realized that her husband is completely unaware of what’s happening while he’s gaming. Below, you’ll find all of the details that she shared on Reddit, as well as a conversation with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Rebecca Williams!

This mom realized that her husband is completely unaware of his surroundings while gaming

Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)

But after being asked to check in periodically, he did not seem willing to change his habits

Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: WriterNo5247

It’s healthy for couples to have their own separate hobbies

Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)

If you’re in a relationship, it’s likely that you and your partner have unique hobbies that you don’t necessarily have to do together. For example, my partner loves MMA and watching UFC every Sunday morning, while I would rather watch some mindless reality TV when I have time on the weekends to unwind. Meanwhile, I find cooking and baking fun and relaxing, while he would prefer to chill on the couch playing video games while I’m in the kitchen. 

As important as it is for couples to spend quality time together, it’s also healthy for them to have their own hobbies as well. According to therapist Jaime Bronstein, having individual hobbies and passions can create “space for excitement” in a relationship. When you’re not doing the same things together all the time, you actually have things to share and discuss with your partner at the end of the day, Bronstein told Brides.com.

Having time apart and doing things separately can also help couples appreciate their time together more. This space will also keep you two from getting sick of each other. Plus, having individual hobbies can allow you to learn from one another. 

“The thing that will strengthen this relationship isn’t so much the touching base as it is that the husband heard his spouse’s concern and made an accommodation”

Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)

To gain more insight into this situation, we reached out to Rebecca Williams, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Inland Empire Couples Counseling, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.

First, we asked the expert about couples having their own separate hobbies. Rebecca says that healthy relationships have a combination of connection and togetherness and autonomy and independence. “If we really believe that’s true, of course partners are going to have some things they do on their own,” she noted. “In addition, we seem to have this unrealistic expectation that our ‘Soulmate’ or ‘True Love’ will meet all of our needs all of the time. That’s just not real and too much to expect of any one person.”

“In a healthy relationship, we want each person to come to the relationship as a full, complex, healthy individual,” Rebecca added. “It is perfectly okay for our romantic partners to not share all of our hobbies or interests.”

We were also curious about the expectation to check-in with your partner, even if you’re both at home. “I think what matters here is that checking in once during the evening is something meaningful to the OP,” Rebecca told Bored Panda. “This fall down the stairs brought the OP to an awareness of their vulnerability.”

“They would feel safe and cared for if their husband checked on them once during the evening,” she explained. “The thing that will strengthen this relationship isn’t so much the touching base as it is that the husband heard his spouse’s concern and made an accommodation to meet their need and make them feel loved.”

“The defensiveness might be coming from something said, implied, or feared”

Image credits: EVG Kowalievska / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Finally, we asked the expert if she had any advice for the husband in this situation. “I’d first ask him to explore what he heard in the request to check on his partner. Based on his response, at least as the OP portrayed it, I’m detecting some defensiveness,” Rebecca shared.

“I wonder if he heard an implication that he isn’t doing enough, is selfish or uncaring, plays video games too much, etc. The defensiveness might be coming from something said, implied, or feared,” she noted. “Then we can check out with the spouse if those implications or fears are real. His defensive response makes sense if he’s being criticized.”

“Then when he’s in a more calm place, we can talk about the request his partner has made, what it might take to meet the request, if there’s anything he needs to negotiate, etc.,” Rebecca added. “My guess is he probably cares for his spouse a lot and feels some guilt or fear that they could fall down the stairs and he didn’t hear and wasn’t available to help.”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing video game drama between parents, look no further than right here. 

Later, the mom explained why her husband couldn’t hear while gaming

Many readers took the mother’s side and assured her that her request was reasonable

However, some agreed with the husband that his spouse was overreacting

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