Kendall and I had to do science fair projects in 4th grade. Hers was called “How Flowers Bloom” and mine was called “Deadly Killer Bumblebees: When Will They Strike Next?” Kendall got an ‘A’ but I got a ‘D-’ because my data was pretty inconclusive and also made up. Anyways, that’s what this photo is supposed to symbolize. I think it’s art.

Whoa! I won the award for “Longest Sleeves” at this Met Jingle Ball thing and this is a real big moment for me. S/O to Reggie at Men’s Wearhouse for hooking it up like always, my Uber driver for her patience, and Janet the caterer who fed me snacks all night bc I couldn’t find my own hands.

Every good dog owner knows that 1) dogs love to be petted 2) all dogs go to heaven and 3) the longer the tail, the smarter the dog. Well my dog Andrew has the longest tail I’ve ever seen so he must be one friggin smart af pup!! He also loves biting, running away and hiding under the couch. haha smdh freakin Andrew! Kendall’s dog is cute too tho.

Kendall’s gotten super into murder mystery dinner parties and tonight’s theme is “Dead Ass People.” I’m dressed up as some dead ass little butler and Kendall dressed up as some dead ass business entrepreneur. All the other guests are gonna show up in their dead ass costumes and then we get to solve a murder mystery and have pizza! 

Found this coat sitting next to a dumpster behind an Arbys and yelled “DIBS” so loud that I lost my voice for like 3 whole days haha!! Sometimes fashion is just MEANT to happen... Plus now me and Kendall look like chill AF bears LOL!!!

As most of you know, I shattered all my teeth in a tragic Slip-n-Slide accident last winter. It was on the news. Anyway, I’ve been scared of water ever since… but Kendall helped me get over my fear b/c that’s what family is for ?

Started a fresh new line of turtlenecks with Mom and Kim called Turtleneck Klub and each turtleneck comes with a gold shield that welcomes you to the Turtleneck Klub! I wanted to give out a free turtle too but apparently they’d all die in shipping or something idk. Also, we only have 2 sizes lol

As you prob know, Kendall and I take Halloween VERY srsly. No LOL. Ghosts and ghouls and pumpkins are serious business. This year, Kendall dressed up as the “ghost of a girl who got 2nd degree rope burn from her tire swing and died” and I went as “cute giraffe.” Kinda bummed I didn’t win the costume contest but Khloe’s Megatron costume was friggin lit AF ? ? ?  

Sometimes you gotta stall 20 flights at LAX because your squad surprises you with a homemade Slip 'N Slide haha!! And then sometimes you gotta stall another 30 flights because you're bleeding on the tarmac and gotta wait for the ambulance to arrive LOL smdh!!

Kylie lost her car keys in the sand so the squad teamed up and searched for like 4 hours haha. Turns out they were actually in the car and the car was running in the parking lot the whole time but it was still def really dope to hang out with the people I love most. Also special shout out to St Bart's Hospital for treating me for sunscreen poisoning! Love u guys!

Hey does anyone have a WebMD login I could use? I basically swallowed a bucket of sand and am worried it’s gonna form a rock in my stomach. Not the first time this has happened and I honestly just wanna be prepared haha.

Kanye said you gotta practice something for 10,000 hours before you master it so I spent the last 10,001 hours practicing shadow puppets. I can make a bird, a ship and a bird sitting on a ship! Does anyone know Nick Cannon? Kinda wanna go on AGT!

I have one simple request.. and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!! Hahaha so evil. So true.

Kendall dared me to jump over a human being on my skates and I said NO WAY but she said BELIEVE IN YOURSELF KIRBY and I said OK so I strapped on my skates and guess what... I totally jumped over a human being!!!! Even tho I scraped my entire face on the asphalt and put my friend Taco in an "accidental coma"... I had the time of my freakin life!

As you can imagine, Kendall and I were pretty embarrassed when we showed up to Cardi B’s birthday party which apparently WASN’T a costume party smdh. I went as a cat and Kendall went as a ball of yarn... but we played it off by pretending we were going to a costume party AFTER Cardi’s which was def a lie but whatever lol

Too $hort gave me this bird and it won’t stop saying the F word hahaha no but seriously does anyone know a bird trainer?

Yes I left the window open and a dozen birds flew in and pooped on LITERALLY EVERYTHING smdh... pretty sure one of them was a freakin penguin tho so at least that’s kinda dope!

Had a friggin blast at the YMCA YoYo Camp this summer learning how to YoYo like world champion Zach Gormley! Feeling pretty good about all the progress I’ve made in the last couple of months since I found this YoYo at Drake’s Bar Mitzvah Anniversary Party. Excited to see where I’ll be in 2018!!!

Ever since Kendall introduced me to the horselife in elementary school, I immediately changed my dream of becoming a disc jockey to becoming a horse jockey. S/O to elleusa and my dope stylist heatheralli for making my horse dreams come to life on this shoot. ULTRA SPECIAL S/O to the Palm Springs Search & Rescue team that found me after I wandered off and was lost AF in the desert for 16 gd hours lol smdh

My New Years resolution was to FINALLY graduate from Loriel Kids to Pantene Pro-V but I’m kinda scared to commit tbh.

I don't usually play with my food cause eating it is already so much fun, but when Kevin James asks you to play pizza catch... you don't turn that shiz down!!!

Got kinda bummed when Kendall said she didn’t want to be a part of my Sonny & Cher photoshoot but then I got kinda pumped when Kim said she’d do it instead but then I got kinda bummed again when I found out that Kim didn’t rehearse ANY of the songs I emailed her. It’s fine tbh. Just needed to vent.

Kanye wrote this pretty crazy/beautiful play called “Kanye’s Play” about a dream he once had so we decided to put it on for the whole squad in the back yard!!! I accidentally fell off the stage like 3 minutes into the show but my role wasn’t that important so I just chilled on the ground until the curtain closed haha smdh!!

Drake Bell hosts a backyard movie-a-thon every summer and this year he chose all 8 Harry Potter movies back to back. I think this pic was snapped right when Hagrid says “you’re a wizard, Harry” and all of us were pretty SHOOK by the news even though we already knew that Harry was a wizard LOL smdh

Had kind of a late night trying to glue Khloe’s aquarium back together (which I broke with my new bow and arrow haha oops) and I kept falling asleep on set smdh. Our photographer, Patricia, kept throwing candy into my mouth to wake me up but I srsly almost choked on one so she just gave up and decided that me sleeping made the pic more artistic hahaha.

Ever since I got my pet bird, Shannon, we’ve wanted to put together a freakin dope magic show for the squad. But doing magic in front of people is hella scary... so Kim got me and Kanye a Groupon for a magic class and now me and Shannon have been called “the best dinner theater at Dave & Busters” so far!!!!!!!

If you are what you eat, then I’m 6 chocolate croissants and a cheddar string cheese. And if you dress for the job you want not the job you have, then I’m a successful, divorced business man with two mortgages and an unfinished novel

Funny story... this photoshoot was a couple weeks ago and I still can’t get this tie untied smdh. I successfully cut the shirt off but the tie musta been tied by the worlds strongest stylist!!! LOL

Woody from Toy Story (my personal hero) always complains about a friggin snake being in his boot. Can’t even imagine how scary that would be. ? How does a snake even get into a person’s boot? It’s a snake, and snakes live outside. ?

Kendall has this pretty understandable fear of jumping up in the air (she thinks she’ll just keep floating up and up and up forever) so I always act as her stunt coordinator when she does jumps on set. Definitely a big responsibility but she returns the favor by holding my hand when we’re at the airport because I’m scared of getting lost.

Sad today, fam. Our fav Greek restaurant (Pita Palace) closed down so me and Kendall got dressed up and treated their last day open as a hella ritzy funeral ha. Gonna miss their spicy gyro salad and Mama Athena pinching my cheeks and calling me “little fat boy.” I’ve never seen Kendall cry so much. Dang.

Water is life. Life is water. Water is H2O. Kendall is literally the most hydrated person I know, so it’s obvi why we want this bday to be all about raising money to get clean water to people who need it! Please donate anything you can!! Link to donate in bio!

Ha! 4th year in a row that I accidentally locked us out of our house on Christmas Day smdh. Mom had to smash the front door down with one of her high heels and it was SAVAGE haha Not a lot of people know this, but Mom is actually super strong so it’s fun to watch her display feats of strength

Despite Mom saying “No, put it back” to literally everything I picked out, it was a fun/sentimental day saying goodbye to my happy place. Toys R Us - you were my first love. I’ll never forget your smell of baby powder and dried soda. I’ll always cherish your linoleum floors, perfect for popping wheelies in the bike section. I loved the hum of the florescent lights, which illuminated all of the Choking Hazard symbols and made me feel safe. I’ll miss my Sunday ritual of playing video game demos on your sticky, broken controllers. I’ll miss your slightly rude but warm employees reminding me to buy batteries (not included) at the checkout line.  You were an island of bliss that changed my life forever. I’ll see you in heaven. You were one of the good ones.

Patiently waited 4 hours for a table at the Hard Rock Cafe before I realized I forgot to put our name on the list smdh! TBH it was the maddest I’ve seen Kendall in a while but I can’t even blame her cause we were hungry AF haha. We got some tuna sammies at 7-Eleven tho so we good!!!

Can’t believe I got to live my Wild Wild West dreams with Kendall and this giant horse named Greg. His owner said he couldn’t do any tricks but in less than an hour I taught him how to eat peanut butter right out of my mouth!!! Either I’m the REAL horse whisperer, or Greg’s owner is a freakin idiot. He also ate a carrot, sugar cubes, hay, and a AAA battery, which apparently I wasn't supposed to feed him haha! smdh

Modeling is super fun but inventing clothes is my real passion! This jumpsuit was inspired by the movie "Kangaroo Jack," features two separate sandwich pockets and is completely flame resistant! Special s/o to Kim for letting me have her old Levi's to repurpose. Feels good to accomplish something so important and I’m excited to hopefully (fingers crossed!!!) sell them in front of select Subway restaurants across the SoCal area.

When I was told that I was working with an angry bird, I thought they meant the actual bird from Angry Birds. Instead, this bird was just literally an angry AF bird. Am I mad? 100% yes. Still pretty cute tho tbh haha idk I just love animals

Sometimes I get kinda mad thinking of Kendall’s lost potential as a basketball star. She’s tall, she has long legs and she can slam dunk a basketball like I’ve never seen. I secretly wish that I also had her legs so that I too could slam dunk lol. Nothing would get me more amped than shattering the glass of a friggin backboard! Still convinced that I’ll hit my growth spurt soon tho!!

Got to style my first photoshoot! I went with the theme of "Steve Jobs At the Beach" which was inspired by a dream I had of going to the beach with Steve Jobs. The dream ended in a BRUTAL shark attack but luckily the shoot didn't LOL!!!

Been testing out some of my stand up material on the squad and everyone SRSLY loves my sandwich related knock-knock jokes. For instance, Knock Knock / Who’s there? / Lettuce / Lettuce who? / Lettuce in, it’s FREEZING out here!!! Auntie Grace laughed so hard she had to straight up leave the fashion show and cool down at a Wetzel’s Pretzels for 10 minutes LOL.

Ok the rumors are true… GigiHadid and I got asked to leave set the other day b/c we were having too much fun pranking Kendall and the photographer threatened to quit smh. Just wanted to publicly apologize to everyone and announce that I’m going to limit my pranks to 1 or 2 a day instead of like 40 a day. Gunna be hard, but I’ll pull through. Thanks Fam. xo, Kirby

NYE dinner got kinda lit when the waiter pulled off his disguise and revealed himself as Kanye hahahaha!!! That dude is the friggin King of Camouflage and the Prince of Pranks lol

Kendall is going on a “Sandwich Diet” where she basically just doesn’t eat any sandwiches for a month and she hired me to be her “Sandwich Police” which basically means I just don’t let her eat any sandwiches. Not really great at my job tho b/c I thought she was texting on her phone but she was actually just eating a sandwich smh lol. I guess both of us aren’t great at keeping pinky promises ??

SO EMBARRASSING... totally thought Kendall said we were going to "mime camp" but I guess she said "voter registration rally." Lol All good I had fun anyway tho. Ended up using the art of miming to help 20 youngsters register to vote AND taught them about the three branches of government :)

On our way to coach North's Pee-Wee soccer game!! Hoping to do better than last time tho... I'm a nervous eater and last game I accidentally ate 10 giant freezer bags worth of orange slices and then threw up all over Little Jeffrey's mom :l All good tho, as a way of saying sorry I'm bringing juicy pork sliders for the entire team! Always dope to get kids involved in outdoor activities at an early age and even more dope to teach them about nutritious snacks.

#TBT to Lorde’s “Travel Back In Time” party. Kendall wore a Charlie Brown dress and I wore a leather jacket but was kicked out after spilling cran-raspberry juice all over a fancy fur couch. It’s like…every time I go to Lorde’s house I get kicked out for ruining a couch lol smdh. She’s nice tho

The world is made up of all kinds of people. Some people are models. Some people are veterinarians. Some people yell at you in a mall parking lot for double parking your minivan and then follow you into a thrift shop hahaha its cool tho, we made up and ended up eating pepperoni pizza together ?

Kylie and I were playing hide n seek in a spooky mansion in our neighborhood and I hid in this box for a whole day before she found me LOL! I was gunna jump out and shout BOO (which is her least favorite word) but I got too cozy and fell asleep smdh. I was super grateful to breathe some fresh air but also super proud of my hiding skills ha!

Ran outta tix for the Bazaar event so we told security that I was Mom and Kendall’s “accessory organizer” and they totally let me in for free hahaha. Suckers!! I’ll happily hold some stuff as long as I get free appetizers all friggin night.