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Husband Wants Nothing To Do With Wife And Daughter After Doing Paternity Test
Husband Wants Nothing To Do With Wife And Daughter After Doing Paternity Test
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Husband Wants Nothing To Do With Wife And Daughter After Doing Paternity Test

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Realizing that your partner has been unfaithful to you can be devastating. It can break your heart and make you question everything you think you know about them. However, if you have a child together, the situation becomes more complicated.

One anonymous man shocked the internet after turning to the r/AITAH online community for advice about a delicate situation at home. Having learned that his 9-year-old daughter isn’t his, he’s wondering whether or not to abandon her. Read on for the story in full, as well as what the Reddit community had to say about the dad’s intentions. It’s a divisive story that stunned some readers while others came out in support of the dad.

RELATED:

    Infidelity can lead to families breaking apart, even if the couple already has children

    Image credits: Antoni Shkraba / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    One man turned to the internet for advice because he’s considering abandoning his daughter when he learned she’s not his

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    Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Bitter_Function409

    Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    It’s hard to tell whether a couple should stay together or break up because each situation is unique

    The OP’s situation is a complicated one. Not to mention emotionally messy. There are two main questions to consider here. The first is the issue of his wife having cheated on him a decade ago in the first place. The second is how the man reacted to learning that his life partner had been unfaithful to him.

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    Nobody is dismissing how awful being cheated on really is. Anyone who’s ever experienced it knows how quickly it shatters your daily life, leaving you to pick up the pieces. The person whom you fully trusted hurt you. Badly.

    How you react is entirely up to you. It’s natural to be upset or even angry. After all, you feel betrayed for a handful of (probably) unknown reasons. However, there are commonsense lines that you should not cross: verbally or physically abusing your partner as ‘revenge,’ for example, would be an awful reaction.

    Cheating on them to ‘get even’ might also not be the most healthy ‘solution.’ Especially if you still have hopes to stay together.

    Whether you try to mend the relationship or call it quits will depend on each individual situation. If one partner has completely emotionally moved on from the other, then there’s not much left to salvage. On the other hand, if both partners are prepared to patiently rebuild and take the time to work on their flaws, then there might be a possible future together.

    Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    The situation is very complicated and there really aren’t any easy answers

    What shocked many redditors who read the anonymous man’s story is how easily he seemed to consider the idea of abandoning his daughter after helping to raise her for nearly 10 years. Most people probably understand how hurt any parent would be to learn that their child isn’t theirs.

    But what makes someone a parent isn’t just determined by blood. It’s a deep emotional bond where you’re responsible for a younger person’s basic needs, education, values, and future. You can consider yourself a parent if you’ve raised your younger siblings. Or if you adopt a child. Or if you have to take care of a distant relative or a friend’s child when nobody else can.

    At the end of the day, that decision—whether you think of yourself as a parent, no matter the DNA—is a very personal one. There are no easy answers. And it’s hard to judge anyone when the stakes are so high. But the internet seems to be on the same page that no child should be abandoned just because a parent feels hurt and betrayed. It’s not any child’s ‘fault’ that one of their parents cheated.

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    Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    People are unfaithful to their partners due to a broad range of reasons

    There are plenty of reasons why people are unfaithful. They might be unfulfilled physically or emotionally. They might want validation that they’re still attractive. They may feel bored and want novelty in their lives. Or they might simply have lots of opportunities to step out on their partner.

    ‘Verywell Mind’ points out that people also cheat on their partners because they have low self-esteem, they might be angry, they want variety in their love life, or they’re not committed to their current relationship.

    Meanwhile, ‘Brides’ notes that men typically cheat due to physical reasons. For example, if they want an escape from stress, if they’re attracted to someone else, or if they’re getting little to no physical affection at home.

    “Not all men cheat, but some—maybe most—of those that do have a belief that men need more than one person to have sex with to be satisfied sexually,” marriage and family therapist Jeff Yoo explains.

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    According to the therapist, women generally cheat on their partners for emotional reasons. They tend to begin with an emotional affair that later turns physical.

    “All humans can be tempted. It comes down to the core of who the individual is,” Yoo said that cheating is an example of selfishness as well as poor impulse control. Cheaters also tend to be narcissistic, lack compassion, and stonewall their partners in their relationships.

    The readers shared their reactions, different opinions, and similar stories

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    Jonas Grinevičius

    Jonas Grinevičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Read more »

    Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

    Read less »
    Jonas Grinevičius

    Jonas Grinevičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

    What do you think ?
    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you can just abandon a 9 year old kid, just like that, after being her dad for years, because you "don't want to pay for another man's kid", then you never really cared about her and are a cold-hearted jerk. I understand the hurt, and I also understand how that affects your position towards your child, but jesus christ man, does blood mean so much then? You're punishing your child for something the wife did, and that is not okay.

    Alina Mihai
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to suspect that he never really wanted or loved the child. Otherwise how could you just throw away nine years of parenting like it's nothing?

    Load More Replies...
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    François Bouzigues
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor kid. Guy is a massive a*****e for ditching her. Divorcing the mom makes sence though.

    Ron Baza
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Load More Replies...
    Casey McAlister
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't wrap my head around the idea of raising a kid for 9 years(!) as your own and just stopping to care about them the moment you find out you aren't their bio parent. Absolutely YTA for that. NTA for divorcing the wife and hating her for what she's done, obviously, but that I cannot understand.

    Scott Mcnabb
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Hold a man's life hostage by a lie and shame him I to continuing to keep that lie because of your opinion. Well done

    Load More Replies...
    Nike Pancakes
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a soulless heartless dickless a*****e for abandoning his child.

    Ron Baza
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Load More Replies...
    Ansi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's okay if they are HOMELESS?! This must be ragebait right?

    fu yu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Totally agree. The mother herself can go straight to hell but the girl did nothing. You just don't drop nine years in an instant for a CHILD who is totally innocent!!

    Load More Replies...
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Biggest YTA I've ever seen. Sure, go ahead and divorce your wife. She lied to you for 10 years then haphazardly throw it out there during an argument as if it's a burn or something. You can't trust her anymore, cut her out of your life. But what has this little girl done to OP to deserve being abandoned? She may not be his biological daughter, but there is far more to family than blood. He raised her for 9 years. You cannot just walk away from that. OP is angry and going through a lot, but so is she. You cannot walk away now. Just can't do it. Be angry, that's fine, but don't take it out on the kid. Signed, stepdad of 2, raising someone else's bio-kids. F**k you, OP.

    Ron Baza
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Man is told that his entire life is a lie. Is in a tailspin. Is thinking of doing something drastic. Asks for advice. I agree that he’d be wrong to cut his daughter out of his life. But he’s still at the “Asks for advice” stage. Honestly? If he’s the worst person you’ve ever come across then you have lived a very sheltered life.

    Load More Replies...
    SirWriteALot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a kid who's now 10. Never in a million years would I abandon him, no matter who he's from. To even consider it ... sheesh. What an a*****e.

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ll go one step further. This is one of the most narcissistic sociopathic idiotic bs ideas I’ve ever read online.

    Load More Replies...
    Saphyre Fyre
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Very much YTA, you are traumatizing an innocent child who has done NOTHING to you. If you ever loved her, don't punish her for what her mother did!!!

    Scott Mcnabb
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That man does not require any explaining or need to apologize. The woman's daughter can hate her mother. The man owes both of them absolutely nothing. The traumatizing is of the mothers doing. The man was already forced Into having a relationship with the daughter, stop forcing your moral idea onto the man, he's been a victim already

    Load More Replies...
    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t blame him for not wanting a kid that isn’t his. But after nine years you’d think he would love her too much to let her go already. Usually people find out early on and can just choose to not be in the kids life ever. He must not have ever loved her a day in her entire nine years to want to leave. But at the same time, it’s not his kid or his responsibility. He can leave if he wants. I feel so sorry for the little girl. But he probably was never a good dad anyway so she’s probably not losing much.

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is for these people who keep defending this bs. To equate this with level of commitment you seem to process. This is a human child. Not a full bred chihuahua that you just discovered has a Pitbull as its grandfather.

    Load More Replies...
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    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you can just abandon a 9 year old kid, just like that, after being her dad for years, because you "don't want to pay for another man's kid", then you never really cared about her and are a cold-hearted jerk. I understand the hurt, and I also understand how that affects your position towards your child, but jesus christ man, does blood mean so much then? You're punishing your child for something the wife did, and that is not okay.

    Alina Mihai
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to suspect that he never really wanted or loved the child. Otherwise how could you just throw away nine years of parenting like it's nothing?

    Load More Replies...
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    François Bouzigues
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Poor kid. Guy is a massive a*****e for ditching her. Divorcing the mom makes sence though.

    Ron Baza
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Load More Replies...
    Casey McAlister
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't wrap my head around the idea of raising a kid for 9 years(!) as your own and just stopping to care about them the moment you find out you aren't their bio parent. Absolutely YTA for that. NTA for divorcing the wife and hating her for what she's done, obviously, but that I cannot understand.

    Scott Mcnabb
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Hold a man's life hostage by a lie and shame him I to continuing to keep that lie because of your opinion. Well done

    Load More Replies...
    Nike Pancakes
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a soulless heartless dickless a*****e for abandoning his child.

    Ron Baza
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Load More Replies...
    Ansi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's okay if they are HOMELESS?! This must be ragebait right?

    fu yu
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Totally agree. The mother herself can go straight to hell but the girl did nothing. You just don't drop nine years in an instant for a CHILD who is totally innocent!!

    Load More Replies...
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Biggest YTA I've ever seen. Sure, go ahead and divorce your wife. She lied to you for 10 years then haphazardly throw it out there during an argument as if it's a burn or something. You can't trust her anymore, cut her out of your life. But what has this little girl done to OP to deserve being abandoned? She may not be his biological daughter, but there is far more to family than blood. He raised her for 9 years. You cannot just walk away from that. OP is angry and going through a lot, but so is she. You cannot walk away now. Just can't do it. Be angry, that's fine, but don't take it out on the kid. Signed, stepdad of 2, raising someone else's bio-kids. F**k you, OP.

    Ron Baza
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Man is told that his entire life is a lie. Is in a tailspin. Is thinking of doing something drastic. Asks for advice. I agree that he’d be wrong to cut his daughter out of his life. But he’s still at the “Asks for advice” stage. Honestly? If he’s the worst person you’ve ever come across then you have lived a very sheltered life.

    Load More Replies...
    SirWriteALot
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a kid who's now 10. Never in a million years would I abandon him, no matter who he's from. To even consider it ... sheesh. What an a*****e.

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ll go one step further. This is one of the most narcissistic sociopathic idiotic bs ideas I’ve ever read online.

    Load More Replies...
    Saphyre Fyre
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Very much YTA, you are traumatizing an innocent child who has done NOTHING to you. If you ever loved her, don't punish her for what her mother did!!!

    Scott Mcnabb
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That man does not require any explaining or need to apologize. The woman's daughter can hate her mother. The man owes both of them absolutely nothing. The traumatizing is of the mothers doing. The man was already forced Into having a relationship with the daughter, stop forcing your moral idea onto the man, he's been a victim already

    Load More Replies...
    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t blame him for not wanting a kid that isn’t his. But after nine years you’d think he would love her too much to let her go already. Usually people find out early on and can just choose to not be in the kids life ever. He must not have ever loved her a day in her entire nine years to want to leave. But at the same time, it’s not his kid or his responsibility. He can leave if he wants. I feel so sorry for the little girl. But he probably was never a good dad anyway so she’s probably not losing much.

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is for these people who keep defending this bs. To equate this with level of commitment you seem to process. This is a human child. Not a full bred chihuahua that you just discovered has a Pitbull as its grandfather.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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