The beginning of a new relationship is usually a lot of fun. The two of you are getting to know each other, discovering mutual interests, and exploring new places.

But when Reddit user AudDMurphy told his girlfriend of three months that he wanted to go on a trip for his 40th birthday, the couple got into a fight.

Eventually, the woman issued an ultimatum: either he pays for her to join or cancels his plans altogether.

Image credits: DaniDG_ / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Pressmaster / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: AudDMurphy

“We met on Bumble and hit it off on the first date and began seeing each other pretty regularly after we met,” AudDMurphy told Bored Panda. “After a few weeks, we decided to delete Bumble and explore our relationship.”

“The only discussion or disagreement we had was that she wanted to go out to eat fairly often and I wanted to watch spending. I had previously been in debt. I didn’t really know about hers. But I wanted to keep within my budget and I was finding I was going over it because of takeout. But then we sat down and she wrote up a budget based on her debt (which she had previously underestimated).”

Wanting to go away together at this stage of the relationship isn’t anything scandalous. In fact, one survey discovered that six in ten people think it’s a good idea to do it with someone you’ve been seeing for three months.

A romantic getaway allows us to escape not just our everyday surroundings, but also the distractions that might hat might hinder deeper intimacy. It provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond and create lasting memories together.

Indeed, most of the people who reacted to the story didn’t have a problem with the timeline per se. It’s the ultimatum that they thought sounded unreasonable.

“When you state your boundaries, you’re setting standards in order for the relationship to succeed,” notes Josiah Teng, a New York City-based therapist.

Image credits: Luis Zambrano / Pexels (not the actual photo)

This can be really helpful; you’re telling your partner what your needs and limitations are so you can both get along better and have clear expectations for one another. People can communicate these boundaries without threatening to retaliate or do something in return.

But when you give an ultimatum, you’re effectively saying that those standards have been violated and something needs to change.

They usually stem from desperation. “People often give ultimatums as a last resort when there is an identified ‘deal breaker’ in the relationship that they feel trapped by,” adds Teng. “It could be a chronic habit, like drinking, or a one-time event, like cheating.”

In the case of AudDMurphy, there seems to be no major issue, so the ultimatum comes off as a way for the woman to exert control over him. Luckily, they seem to have found common ground.

“We sat down and discussed finances again,” the Redditor explained to us a few days after he made the post. “She is going to work hard to pay off debt. She has a few credit cards that need to be paid off. However, she is also going to set aside a few dollars for a trip next year. We found a very cool-looking cruise to the Bahamas that would keep expenses manageable for both of us. I’m going to book the cruise now. She’s going to pay me back along the way. This gives me some flexibility.”

“If everything goes well this year, I have the freedom to subsidize more or all of her part of the cruise expense. If things don’t work out, I’m booked and paid for my vacation. We plan to stay together, of course! But this gave us both a bit of breathing room to not worry about getting hit with heavy costs just in case we don’t work out. Either way, we’re feeling good and looking forward to the Bahamas in 2025!” AudDMurphy added.

Most of the people who read the story thought the man did nothing wrong

However, some said he could have handled the situation better

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