Classic example of "gender roles".....he would be perfect for me....I'm a woman and I HATE doing house work, but enjoy working on my car and fixing things. It's funny sometimes because when men pass by and I'm jacking up my car and they're like "oh you shouldn't be changing your own tire let me get that" like Capt. Save-A-Hoe...and I'm like "thanks but I'm not changing the tire, I'm changing the oil and fixing the power steering line, you know how to do that?....oh no?....bye"

Oh, so she wants an old-school "real man", but isn't ready to become an old-school "real woman"?

Equality should work both ways.

A real man supports those he loves and those he can. That's it.

If a "real man" can learn to fix stuff around the house, then a "real woman" can too.

My dad isn't a handyman in the slightest. We have a pantry that didn't require any screws or tools of that nature. My dad was able to figure it out and once he finished, he was so proud of himself. Time for OP to show his girlfriend the door. Then ask a friend to change the locks and then take some time off of dating for himself. I understand that she works a difficult job, but that's no excuse to not do chores. Also: cooking and cleaning aren't gender specific roles, they're life skills!

We all have our weaknesses. We all have tasks we don't want to handle ourselves, and not because it's particularly hard and impossible to learn, but just because we honestly hate doing that and rather pay to get it done. For me it's computer problems. for other people it can be handiwork or cooking. It;s not like you can't, you just don't want to, and as long as there are people and services that will do it for for a reasonable price, and can't see why not.

Be a man and dump her. Now. You’l find the one who will support you, not belittle like this tw@t. Stick to your strength. This is what to be ‘real’ (man or woman) is.

Sounds like a relationship that is begging to end.

The guy had the perfect come back. Everyone is good at some things and not good at others. People will say stuff like "you're not a man" having no idea how it could blow up in their face. Let her know a "real woman" would come home from work and start cooking dinner immediately (I don't really believe this, but it would show her how petty she and her parents are being)

NTA- You should really be rethinking this relationship, do you guys want children?, because if it so easy for her and her parents to belittle you about being a "man" regarding handyman jobs, what happens when they have opinions regarding your parenting, will they berate you in front of your child or other family/friends, it's sounds to me like you are reliving your past, because rather than encourage you, your GF along with her parents are berating and embarrassing you like your father, you can google all you need to and learn how to be more handy around the house, but your GF and her parents will still be the same judgemental people.

This seems like a toxic relationship. End it

Real man knows when he's out of his depth and isn't afraid to ask for help even if the task seems trivial to others. Same goes for real women.

First you are nta. Second, your wife and her parents are. Third, without judgement as to your manliness, it would be helpful to deal with your childhood trauma (extreme anxiety to specific non-threatening situations indicates trauma). We make our decisions and actions based on past experiences therefore if they are not dealt with they can produce poor choices, example, enduring degrading, disrespectful treatment from "loved" ones.

Dump her.

Why do thses bitches get the good men?? If his not a real man for not fixing then shes not a real woman for not doing house work. This whole thing is stupid. Dewe sir please leave this woamm so you can find a better one

Sounds like OP has some trauma to overcome. Gf should be a "real woman" and nurture him back to square one to allow him to move forward and learn in a healthy manner. Tools can be scary, I've lost body parts to power tools. Granted I'm in construction so it's an occupational hazard. But there are many great you tube diyers that calmly break down the processes. And you can always pause them or go back at each step. But bravo for dropping the house work. They want to play a gender role game.. play the game and see how long she likes it. I grew up in an all hands on deck house. Animals need tending.. who's turn is it? House needs repainting, everyone put on grubbies and grab a brush. You tore your button off your shirt... the cookie tin is on the sewing machine. Have at it. But if she's so freaking handy and it's so simple... why doesn't she change the hinge? And maybe have him help hold the door. Use it as a bonding experience

I feel it. I can't even mop a floor if someone is watching or gave me the task. My grandfather killed everything. Selfesteem, joy, happiness to learn something new. He was rude, I was a kid, not even 14. Yelling, crashing the tools out of my hands, telling me that I am a girl, of course I never will be able to do anything. Not even broom a floor. Bc of other things I was in therapy, working with this soft stone stuff. After a minute I cried like a baby with flashbacks, unable to move my hands. This man did so much for his girlfriend. And he fixed what was needed in his way, with a friend as a bridge or with professionals. I stand with him. Totally. And when he should be learning that stuff, I hope she does all the tasks that a housewife "should do". Everything. All of it. This story, this was sad. Really sad. He deserve better.

Mum and dad were born in the 1920’s, dad was the better cook and cleaner, mum was the Gardner and diy. They brought three daughters up to believe there are just jobs to be done, some of us are better at particular things . My husband does the lifting for me, he hods (holds) and I dod ( hit) I do the diy as I enjoy it. He cooks and I clean but it’s not a hard and fast rule.

I'm 38, still single, a surgeon. I would KILL to find a man who just excepted my career let alone maybe helped out with some of the stuff around the house. I hope that guy eventually finds a wonderful woman. He's clearly secure in his masculinity, not to mention a good partner and sharer of household task, and THOSE are some of the sexiest qualities of all!!!

I am a woman and live alone in a house I own (well, there are cats). I can do a whole lot of chores by myself. If it's shameful that he can't change a hinge, it's equally shameful that she can't. Also, this woman should not have publicly shamed her husband. That's bad for any relationship. People need to support their friends and family.

Definitely NTA. You already do so much for her, and I know all of it is more than I'd ever ask of my boyfriend. And nothing pisses me off like gender roles. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and talents, so I disagree that every "man" should be able to fix things. You are no less of a man for not knowing how to fix a door handle(or hinge). In fact, I'd say if your girlfriend doesn't know the first thing about fixing a door, she has no room to judge. And to bring it up in front of her parents?! At the very least it got fixed, whether or not it was from the assistance of a friend. You don't need to prove anything to these people, you are man enough already. Sorry if that whole paragraph felt like a rant.

Ironic, since she doesnt do the "female" roles, such as cooking, cleaning. Which should be split equally since you both work. Sounds like she doesnt respect you & will always be that twisted person that runs to mommy & daddy to pull them into every single disagreement & belittle ppl for no reason other than to create drama. I couldn't be w someone like that. Even tho it pulls up painful memories, its still a good idea to know the basics. There were 5 of us girls & my dad taught us everything he could think of, from fixing a toilet to changing the oil. My husband does it now but handy when he isn't home or needs help. We work as a team. Couldn't imagine ever criticizing him. Esp just to humiliate him. In front of my parents. Im 50 & bet my dad would still bust my ask.

NTA. BUT you can improve your skills and contributions to this unhealthy judgenent-based relationship. NOT by feeling shamed. Your gf OBVIOUSLY has an IGNORANT view of what makes a man. Learning that "standard" from narrow-minded parents shows she's not overly interested in educating herself. And she seems to like humiliating you WITH family who one would THINK would be happy (grateful???) that ANYONE bothers with their spoiled and unfeeling kid. Which in fact might be partially your fault for spoiling their daughter. Hard to say this, but you can benefit from her outdated mindset by taking some classes and training seminars to learn traditional skills that you can do and likely very much enjoy. It's ok to bag a sandwich for dinner and run off to a class, and leave her with a sandwich to fend for herself. And take her to a seminar on how to build and repair household items so she can update her mindset and do it too. But if she shames you in public, go solo. Buy her a cookbook. ENJOY

You've been letting her treat you the way your father in that moment you recalled. No doubt she does it in a hundred other little it big ways. Abused or neglected children tend, as adults, to steer toward partners who embody the traits of the parent whose love was denied them. You "treat her like a queen", but at the same time, you let her belittle & wound you. Your readings are very personal & hurtful. She took that & made it group sport. Well, that apparently runs in their family. You accept it because you're still trying to feel worthy to someone that knocks down your sense of work. People usually go this route before they learn that they make their selves a worthy person. What you do, how you live, your values & morals, make your a worthy person. You just have to see that. You can go to the life & type of mutual love that YOU want. Find a person that feels & gives love & shows it to you. No king, no queen in relationships. Caring, sharing, helping, trusting. Love

Nta. You are welcome to come to my house and be as domestic as you like. I love diy tinkering (I'm female) love power tool projects, hate cooking and lets be real not too many people like cleaning but we do it. I would never expect my partner to have to know how to use or like to use tools so long as partner was participating/contributing to the relationship. Noone should judge your male or femaleness based on what tasks you know how to do or feel comfortable doing. In a relationship some tasks noone wants to do and should be shared or communication should commense so there is at least a fair feeling agreement but imho...hinge was broken girl asked you fix it, and you fixed it. It doesn't matter if you sought outside council, deligated, paid, or did it yourself. You did get the job done, correctly, as requested, in a timely manner. I think it is useful for everyone to have some basic home improvement skills because its damn expensive to hire it out and noone should feel helpless

My husband can ride a motorcycle and dirt bikes like nobody's business. But he is not a good handyman. And I am crazy about him. He also cries with me when watching chick flicks. Cried when we lost our 2 dogs to old age. Our house needs a few repairs, there was a time he just hired it out. Money is tight now. Oh well.

I'm not sure what mix of ESH and NAH to go with here. Screw the rest of them... FiL was the only one who seemed to want to engage over projects. So call him, talk to him aside from the others. Tell him you were always berated and worse for not learning "handyman skills" quickly enough as a child and you have a lot of PTSD when it comes to doing so. And that you would like to learn but without the DD/Gf knowing because "as you just saw", she also thinks worse of me for it. I'm sure he would love the chance to bond and teach what he knows.

Bro, gtfo of there! Next thing you know, they'll be telling you that you have to do EVERYTHING around the house! Cook, clean, shop, laundry, fix things EVERYTHING, and all they will do is sit on their asses while they make you kiss their feet and call them "Mistress", I can see it dude!

When I met my husband he has never built or fixed anything in his life. Never even used a drill before.. his mind was blown when I suggested we 'build' an outdoor cat enclosure instead of buying one pre made.. lol. He had never thought about DIY anything! Hahaha. It's just how he was raised. But once I taught him how to use tools properly and safely he turned into Tim the tool man Taylor.. he loves building & fixing s**t now. Even though he's not very great at a lot of the things he does. But he's learning. Idk why it's considered "manly" to know how to fix and build s**t! I'm a woman, my dad taught me how to repair everything around the house and used to take me to his job sites when he was a carpenter to help out. It how I was raised. My husband was raised in a more tech savvy home. Not very good at the hands on stuff. But great with electronics & s**t. We all have our strong suits. But he's not anymore manly now than before. Can we stop with this toxic masculinity s**t! Like... wtf?

Reminds me of that HIMYM episode when barney doesn't even know how to use a screwdriver -because he never have a dad, nobody taught him. As a person who learned many things, i often find myself on a position to laugh at others. Handy work around the house, electronics work, computers and gadgets, cars and engines. But i never belittle anyone. Once i visited my girlfriend's house, her parents was bragging about their children's foreign language proficiency, said something about "EVERYBODY should know more than one language nowadays". I just smiled. Long story short, i married their daughter and fixed basically everything in their house. Their loose doors, their awful cable works, smartphones, installed internet. And I found out that their sons are virtually useless around the house, they always count on me to fix stuff. They never brought up the language thing ever again. Moral of the story is, you might be good at some things, but nobody can be good at everything, sooner or later you're gonna have to ask others for help. So don't ridicule anyone, or brag about your skills.

Dump her.

Your strategy sounds perfect, but only if you want to put your attention on the "manly"activities. I wouldn't do it only for spite...ok, I would for a while...she deserves it.

Let's just acknowledge that the concept of a real man is still rooted in the patriarchy like women haven't been contributing to their own independence for the last nth decades ... it's sad to see men still subscribe to this and even sadder to see women that support their subscription to such archaic ideas ...

This is some toxic and backward s**t. I agree it's helpful if SOMEONE around the house can do a bit handywork, but it doesn't have to be the guy. I was a single mom for 8 years and I can do all sorts of stuff. Our neighbors are a couple, she is a tiny and very girly woman who does all the handy stuff around the house.

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I feel this too often. Thankfully not from my partner who's amazing although we do throw good natured jabs at each other from time to time but from her parents occasionally mine and even now and then society at large. As a stay at home dad I get that c**p all the time and have to explain after lots of personal experience and research we decided time with our children was more important than any income and one of us would stay home at all times. She made more money and really enjoys her job and I don't get as frustrated with the kids and love teaching them new things. Old dynamics became outdated for a reason. People are not identical and there is no cookie cutter method to success. A partnership is exactly that - you shore up one another's weaknesses and marvel at each other's strength. That's what has made my relationship work so well for about a dozen years now.

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So he read into their comment too much and felt hurt, therefore out of spite decided to stop doing stuff around the house..? He's got growing up to do..