Being engaged should feel like a magical time of excitement. For most, the anticipation of married life and the wedding is a wonderful feeling. But sometimes this is also the time when one’s spouse-to-be ends up showing their true colors.

A woman wondered if she was wrong to dump her fiancé after he demanded that she lose 4kg and wanted her to weigh herself in front of him. We got in touch with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and couples therapist to learn more about red flags in relationships.
More info: drlaurenfogel.com | Instagram | TikTok

It’s best to learn your spouse-to-be is a terrible person before the wedding

Image credits: nanihta/Envato elements (not the actual photo)

One woman discovered that her fiancé would refuse to marry her if she didn’t lose weight

Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato elements (not the actual photo)

Image credits: qwerterifique

It can be hard to quickly determine if someone is compatible in the long run

Image credits: Toa Heftiba/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Bored Panda got in touch with with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist and Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, to discuss the things that people need to look out for before committing to a truly long-term relationship. So we asked her to share some examples of “red flags” that we should pay attention to early in a relationship.

“Before committing to a long-term relationship, it’s important to know how your history impacts you and how your partner’s history impacts them,” she shared. “Childhood experiences, past relationships, and other important relationships can all play a significant role in how we show up in our partnerships.”

Unfortunately, there is no way to “test” for this compatibility very quickly unless the “red flags” are massive and clearly visible. The result is that in many relationships, the incident that ends it is either large and glaring, or just the accumulation of minor issues that all add up and kill whatever connection was there.

So we also wanted to hear Dr. Fogel Mersy’s opinion on why partners need to discuss their experiences and expectations as early as possible. “It’s very important for partners to share about their past, including previous relationship experiences and stories. This helps us to better know each other, to better support each other, and to cultivate a safe and secure bond,” she shared with Bored Panda. If you would like to see more of her work on her website. She also has a book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Difference in Relationships.

Controlling your partner’s body is a major red flag

Image credits: evu/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

In this particular case, however, the answer is pretty simple, this man is a horrible moron and does not deserve to be in this relationship. In general, ultimatums are not something that make a good relationship. It just means that from now on, every major disagreement will become a “do-or-die” situation for the couple.

Boundaries are important, but they can’t exactly expand to your partner’s body. It’s possible to lose your attraction to someone, but demanding that they weigh themselves, naked, in front of you is delusional. The woman had the right idea to leave him in the dust. How can one trust a man who will throw such a fit over a few kilograms? A mature adult understands that people will physically change over time, a consideration that is vital for a long-term relationship.

Fortunately, the vast majority of the internet sided with the woman, and rightfully so. Given that this man was willing to call off a wedding over a little bit of weight, he is likely to make similar excessive demands in the future. Getting out now is definitely the best case scenario. When a person believes they are entitled to this sort of control, it will only get worse and worse. A pre-wedding break-up is a lot “cleaner” and easier than a divorce.

Most thought she was completely correct to dump him

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