"Red flags... Red flags everywhere, worse than a Soviet parade." Lol my new fav saying

Both can react, but there is a marked difference in the extent of both reactions. If the go-bag was even a reaction to him, it was an act to prepare for the worst that enabled her to feel comfortable staying in the relationship. Where I live, 34% of murdered women are killed by their intimate partners. It isn't crazy. His reaction is to decide on divorce as soon as he thinks her trust level might not be 100%. If that's his priority, so be it. But it does seem a bit extreme to me.

Honestly, I think she probably doesn't trust him and I think the way he has totally overblown this is exactly why she doesn't trust him. His language that she looses color suggests that she probably is afraid of him and has the bag for a genuine reason. He may not have hit her (yet) but domestic violence is not always physical.

She didn't do anything wrong. Having an emergency plan in place to protect oneself is not breaking trust, it's just ensuring you're protected whatever may happen. Our whole family has individual go bags. It's called being prepared for whatever emergency may come and one of those emergencies could be abuse.

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The point of broken trust is that there was no communication about the go bag, not the bag itself.

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You must be an orange cat, no brain cells in that head!

The point at which he discovered the go bag and became aware of her fear was the point at which he had an opportunity to demonstrate empathy and understanding. He did not.

He had the choice to make her doubts either unfounded by being supportive of her measures to protect against the worst possible case (like getting insurance. You dont always do it because you dont TRUST that something isnt going to happen) Or to make them founded. He choose the latter. Imagine if people reacted to getting car insurance the same way (lets pretend its not required) You insured MY car? What you dont trust im a good driver? Its a small measure that requires a one off action, likley done before they were even together and forgotten about. If it was something she made in the last few months i COULD see the thought of "she doesnt trust him." But as it is theres nothing to say it hasn't been around since BEFORE she met him.

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You do realize that "his reaction is validation of her decision to have a go bag" is circular logic don't you?

I totally believe this. When something changes In my life. Even normal things. Men have turned on me. They're ridiculous

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I’m not saying these things are not happening, I’m just saying you can’t blame him for feeling betrayed or disappointed. It’s the same thing with DNA tests for kids. If my partner wanted one, I’d be pretty disapointed or even disgusted too. Because I know I’d never cheat but his only way to be 100% sure the kid is his, is the test. I know that, but it still wouldn’t stop me from feeling this way. I wasn’t trying to say she’s in the wrong! But I also don’t think that he’s the a*****e here..

The feelings aren't what makes him the a*****e. The willingness to divorce his wife, with a 2-year-old child in the mix, with no further effort or discussion is. If they joth need time to process, fine. But pulling the trigger in under a week because you can't try to understand something that hurt your feelings? It does seem like he was looking for a reason.

There are a few key differences between a go bag and DNA test - in my mind at least. The first is that a go bag can save your life. Secondly, a DNA test is deeply personal and requesting one is a direct accusation that you personally cheated on him. A go bag on the other hand is maintained by women before their relationship and in every relationship. It's not personal. At least it never was for me. Maybe my husband is extremely rare? His response to my go bag was to recognize that I needed to feel safe and to reassure me that I was in fact safe. The husband in this case confronts his wife and "her face looses color" then she lies. Momentarily putting aside the fact that to me that indicates she has a reason to be afraid, he then makes it all about him and threatens her with divorce over something she implemented to help her feel safe?

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Look at a similarities. Both the bag and the DNA test tell your partner "I have doubts about you and I don't fully trust you." That's going to hurt like hell to hear especially if you never given any reason that you're untrustworthy. Both the bag and the test provide peace of mind. While the test might not save your life like a bag will the test will save you from a soul crushing experience that often gets dismissed as no big deal and keep you from wasting your money and life on a cheating loser. The only way that I can see not being hurt by finding out that your partner doesn't trust you is if you've actually given them a reason not to trust you and you're just happy to have your relationship. That's my take on it and I think both sides matter.

F his "feelings", they aren't anywhere near as important as HER SAFETY.

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No, violence obviously has a clear starting point, but without a brain injury, drug use or psychosis, violence doesn't come out of the blue, there are signs and red flags and indicative behaviours. If those are present get out before violence starts, but people aren't violent suddenly after years without showing controlling and violent adjacent behaviours and traits before.

Sometimes violence does come out of the blue. Sometimes there are warning signs but not always. and mostly, even where there are warning signs, they are missed. My father was, by all accounts nothing short of charming and attentive until my little brother was born. There was some control, passed off as 'protectiveness' but no violence, until he broke my mothers ribs and cheekbone. I am a family lawyer. I see it all the time. One woman said she was in love and would have done anything for husband... and she did. Everything. Until her mother got sick and she wanted to travel home to take care of her. Husband said no. First time she had refused him. Husband cancelled all her accounts and threatened to stab her if she went. 7 year marriage two children. I am not saying this man is like that. I am saying that being afraid of this real and its not unreasonable.

I was dating a 24 year old when I was 15 (not my best decision ever made) and he was never aggressive with me until the 6 month mark when he slapped me so hard I hit the ground. Violence sometimes comes out of nowhere, there was no red flags, everyone loved him and thought he was a nice guy. No drug use, no drinking, no brain injury, and no mental health issues. We cannot paint all people with the same brush.

Some people are amazing deceivers. Those flags dont always appear because they know how to hide them.

A key point in your reply that makes it completely irrelevant to OP's situation. "When I told my husband I had one...". Did you happen to see anywhere above where there was any kind of conversation about it? Did you happen to see the part about OP finding the bag and his wife trying to play it off? Open conversation vs. hiding anything = trust or broken trust.

They would leave the house without clothes. And they do. Most women who flee DV leave with nothing. Clean undies are always nice though. More importantly than clothes though are documents... passport/ID, birth certificate, bank statements, medical records and of course cash if possible. It can be dangerous to use cards, particularly if you have a joint account because the transactions can reveal your location. You are going to need ID to open new accounts/get a new phone etc etc.