They say when it comes to gifts, it’s the thought that matters. But what if there’s not much else behind it?

A few days ago, a guy who goes on Reddit by the username Equivalent_Basis_563 made a post on r/AITAH, where he shared a story about a birthday present from his wife that left him feeling more frustrated than appreciated.

Part of her surprise for his special day was a trip to see his favorite football team. Only she hadn’t picked a game or booked a flight…

For his birthday, this man’s wife “gifted” him a trip to see his favorite team play, only there was a catch

Image credits: voronaman111 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

He was supposed to handle all the costs and planning

Image credits: puhhha / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Equivalent_Basis_563

Gifts matter even in serious relationships

Image credits: Gustavo Fring / pexels (not the actual photo)

To learn more about the topic, we contacted Scott Rick, Ph.D., who is a marketing professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business and an expert on consumer behavior, judgment, and decision-making.

“Gift-giving occasions are crucial opportunities to communicate what we appreciate and understand about our partner. It is an important way to let them know that they are seen and loved,” he told Bored Panda.

“A good gift requires some kind of sacrifice. The recipient must know that the gift wasn’t easy to obtain, afford, or track down. Whenever possible, gifts should also be surprising. Ideally, we would not have to ask our partner for gift ideas. Instead, we should understand them so well that it becomes clear what would surprise and delight them.”

At first glance, gifts might not seem that important to partners who are already seriously committed to one another. But that’s not necessarily the case. Especially within individualistic societies.

One recent study explored why married couples give each other gifts. Researchers wanted to see if the frequency of gift-giving is related to how likely people are to change partners, which they called “relational mobility.” They looked at two things: the divorce rate and how many new relationship opportunities people have.

In the first part of the study, the researchers compared married couples in the United States and Japan. The U.S. has a higher divorce rate, meaning people are more likely to change partners. They found that American couples exchanged gifts more often than Japanese couples. This suggests that in places where relationships are less stable, couples may give gifts to show they are serious about each other and promote a feeling of safety.

In the second part, the researchers focused on married couples in Japan. They found that those who had more chances to meet new people were also more likely to give gifts. This means that when people have more relationship options, they might feel the need to give gifts to confirm their commitment to their partner.

We also got in touch with therapist Susan Pease Gadoua and she also acknowledges the power of gifts.

“They are quite symbolic and when the receiver feels understood, acknowledged, and cared about, the gifts can go a long way to connecting the couple. If the gifts are items picked up at a drug store or box chain store with not much forethought, these gifts can actually cause pain and disconnect,” the author of Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go told Bored Panda.

“A gift that makes your partner think that you don’t understand them or appreciate them can really be hard to shake off,” Dr. Scott Rick added. “Bad gifts can end relationships. The pain of receiving a bad gift is generally greater than the joy of receiving a good gift. This is a bedrock principle of behavioral science known as loss aversion.”

So whether or not the Redditor and his wife can resolve and move past this whole ordeal will depend on their ability to reassure each other that they care about their marriage. When things between you and your spouse are in a good place, you can handle a couple of hits like this.

The vast majority of those who read the story said the man did nothing wrong

But a few believe the couple could’ve both been more cooperative

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